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Short article about battling compassion fatigue

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In my role as Staff Psychologist at the UO Counseling Center, one issue comes up consistently. Students will appear in my office who have never sought counseling before, but who suddenly feel overwhelmed by a stress and anxiety the likes of which they've never seen. They cannot pinpoint the reason for their current distress, which of course leaves them very confused and helpless. I have noticed a common thread among many of these students. When I ask them if they have a support system (i.e., friends and family whom they love and trust), most will answer yes. I then ask if they talk to their support persons about their own problems and worries. Most answer no. Indeed, most of these students tell me that they tend to "bottle things up." They avoid or suppress their own emotions. They have difficulty opening up to others, even their closest friends.

Ask yourself if you identify with any of the following:

All of your friends come to you with their problems because you are a wonderful listener and give great advice.

You are the unofficial "therapist" of your friend group.

The thought of opening up about your problems feels incredibly scary and uncomfortable.

When people ask you how you're doing, you say "fine" even when you're not.

You worry that you will burden others by talking about your own problems.

You are concerned that you will feel guilty if others "have to" worry about you.

If you answer yes to some of these statements, perhaps you have found yourself in the role of "the listener" or "the caretaker." This is the person everyone comes to for help, but who hates to ask for help in return. Maybe this was modeled to you within your family-or perhaps a role you found yourself playing with a parent. Maybe you have played this role for so long, the idea of doing something new and different simply feels wrong. Maybe you embrace personal, religious, or cultural values regarding selflessness and attending to others' needs.

Being a friend, a support, a listener is not a bad thing. In fact, being a good listener is a wonderful quality. However, the important thing is balance. If the helpers are always helping, they are prone to stress, exhaustion, and burnout.

So, here's the question: Who listens to the listeners? In my clinical (and personal) experience, bottling things up comes at a price. While avoiding our emotions can provide some short-term relief, we often suffer longer-term consequences. Invariably, when I challenge my clients to open up to others, even if it just sharing one problem they are having with someone they trust, despite the newness and awkwardness of the experience, they often report an instant sense of relief. The pressure valve has been released and there is more room to breathe. They often notice a decrease in anxiety and an increased ability to cope with stress.

If you are someone who often assumes the role of a listener or caretaker, consider engaging in the following experiment. Identify a friend or family member who you trust and who you know is a good listener. Someone you know to be supportive and validating. Challenge yourself to tell them about one difficult thing that is going on in your life. Most of my clients tell me that simply initiating the conversation is the hardest part because it is so new. Since it's not in your repertoire, it can feel weird and scary. See if you can let yourself tolerate this discomfort and awkwardness. Try to imagine the situation from your friend's perspective. Is it safe to assume that they would want to know if you were having a hard time?

So, if you are someone who tends to play the role of "listener," someone who rarely talks about your own problems, consider experimenting with something new. Social support helps build resilience, a force field to help us navigate life's challenges. Sharing our feelings and struggles with others helps lighten the load so that we do not have to carry it all ourselves. Life's problems don't disappear, of course, but they sure feel more manageable when we are not facing them alone.
Chandra Mundon, Psy.D.
Staff Psychologist

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In my role as Staff Psychologist at the UO Counseling Center, one issue comes up consistently. Students will appear in my office who have never sought counseling before, but who suddenly feel overwhelmed by a stress and anxiety the likes of which they've never seen.

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April 2021 - The Challenges of Staying Present with a Busy Schedule (and Mind)

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April 2021 - The Challenges of Staying Present with a Busy Schedule (and Mind)

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THIS EPISODE IS PERFECT FOR ANYONE

Who is naturally goal-oriented but wants advice and stories on how to stay present

Curious about how to pursue a career or education in holistic health

Trying to find joy in a stressful season of life

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Mindfulness, wellness, meditation, self-care, all of it sounds so lovely in theory, but when it comes down to it, savoring the small joys in our lives is tough. So many of us, especially those who are attracted to this work, are type-A, goal oriented and prone to overworking ourselves. I've even been tempted to make a goal to be more present, but I figured it kind of contradicted itself.

So for today's episode of the Chasing Joy Podcast I wanted to have a conversation about finding joy, presence and mindfulness when your life (and mind) are busy. My guest, Catherine, writes the wellness blog: theblissfulmind.com where she shares tips and tools on finding joy in the every day. Catherine is also on her way to becoming a health coach and shares her experience of choosing that path.

We Talk About

Catherine's journey to becoming a holistic health coach

How to be present and joyful in the moment when you're a natural goal-chaser

How to bounce back from bad days

The dangers of self-care becoming over commercialized

How to manage when you have content consumption overload

how to stay present when you're an over planner by nature

This Episode is Perfect for Anyone

Who is naturally goal-oriented but wants advice and stories on how to stay present

Curious about how to pursue a career or education in holistic health

Trying to find joy in a stressful season of life

Connect with Catherine

Catherine's Popular Posts

Get Involved

Hang out with the Joy Squad on Facebook for your daily dose of health, wellness and joy filled conversation. ( and you'll get sneak peeks on new things coming to the blog and podcast first)

Want to be a Hero?

If you love the show and want to support it in some way, leave a review on iTunes. It helps get the show in front of new people.

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The Challenges of Staying Present with a Busy Schedule (and Mind) - Episode 9 - The Chasing Joy Podcast

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Mindfulness, wellness, meditation, self-care, all of it sounds so lovely in theory, but when it comes down to it, savoring the small joys in our lives is tough. So many of us, especially those who are attracted to this work, are type-A, goal oriented and prone to overworking ourselves.

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*SCROLL DOWN FOR LINK* Physicist Richard Feynman once said, “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.” One way we fool ourselves is by imagining we know more than we do; we think we are experts. This week on Hidden Brain, psychologist Adam Grant describes the magic that unfolds when we challenge our own deeply-held beliefs.

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Physicist Richard Feynman once said, "The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool." One way we fool ourselves is by imagining we know more than we do; we think we are experts. This week on Hidden Brain, psychologist Adam Grant describes the magic that unfolds when we challenge our own deeply-held beliefs.

Additional Resources

Think Again: The Power of Knowing What you Don't Know, by Adam Grant, February 2021

" The Effects of Conflict Types, Dimensions, and Emergent States on Group Outcomes," by Karen Jehn, Lindred Greer, Sheen Levine and Gabriel Szulanski, in Group Decision and Negotiation, April 2008.

"The Effective Negotiator- Part 1: The Behavior of Successful Negotiators" and The Effective Negotiator-Part 2: Planning for Negotiations, by Neil Rackham and John Carlisle, in Journal of European Industrial Training, l978

" Psychological Safety and Learning Behavior in Work Teams," by Amy Edmondson in Administrative Science Quarterly, June l999

" Social functionalist frameworks for judgment and choice: intuitive politicians, theologians, and prosecutors," by Philip Tetlock in Psychology Review, 2002

" Refusing to apologize can have psychological benefits (and we issue no mea culpa for this research finding)", by Tyler Okimoto, Michael Wenzel and Kyli Hedrick n European Journal of Social Psychology, November 2012

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The Easiest Person to Fool | Hidden Brain Media

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Physicist Richard Feynman once said, "The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool." One way we fool ourselves is by imagining we know more than we do; we think we are experts.

# data[].attributes.body
*SCROLL DOWN FOR LINK* Physicist Richard Feynman once said, “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.” One way we fool ourselves is by imagining we know more than we do; we think we are experts. This week on Hidden Brain, psychologist Adam Grant describes the magic that unfolds when we challenge our own deeply-held beliefs.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Physicist Richard Feynman once said, "The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool." One way we fool ourselves is by imagining we know more than we do; we think we are experts. This week on Hidden Brain, psychologist Adam Grant describes the magic that unfolds when we challenge our own deeply-held beliefs.

Additional Resources

Think Again: The Power of Knowing What you Don't Know, by Adam Grant, February 2021

" The Effects of Conflict Types, Dimensions, and Emergent States on Group Outcomes," by Karen Jehn, Lindred Greer, Sheen Levine and Gabriel Szulanski, in Group Decision and Negotiation, April 2008.

"The Effective Negotiator- Part 1: The Behavior of Successful Negotiators" and The Effective Negotiator-Part 2: Planning for Negotiations, by Neil Rackham and John Carlisle, in Journal of European Industrial Training, l978

" Psychological Safety and Learning Behavior in Work Teams," by Amy Edmondson in Administrative Science Quarterly, June l999

" Social functionalist frameworks for judgment and choice: intuitive politicians, theologians, and prosecutors," by Philip Tetlock in Psychology Review, 2002

" Refusing to apologize can have psychological benefits (and we issue no mea culpa for this research finding)", by Tyler Okimoto, Michael Wenzel and Kyli Hedrick n European Journal of Social Psychology, November 2012

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The Easiest Person to Fool | Hidden Brain Media

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Physicist Richard Feynman once said, "The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool." One way we fool ourselves is by imagining we know more than we do; we think we are experts.