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Campaign (national) for better paternity leave

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Campaign (national) for better paternity leave

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The Dad Shift is a group of men, dads and other parents campaigning for better paternity leave in the UK

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It's time the UK had a paternity leave policy fit for the 21st century. Join the campaign now.

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MNVP Dads and Partners Padlet poster with QR code

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MNVP Dads and Partners Padlet poster with QR code

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Please print, laminate and display where you can so that more parents are aware of the support that is available.

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Fathers, Dads-to-be, Families & Health Professionals. 

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Fathers, Dads-to-be, Families & Health Professionals. 

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Receive free text messages, support, info & tips – especially for dads & dads-to-be

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Join SMS4dads and get advice, information especially for new dads, expectant fathers, families, and health care professionals. SMS4dads is FREE!

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Support for Gambling concerns and addiction

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Support for Gambling concerns and addiction

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GamFam offer support through GRA5P – The GamFam Recovery and Support Programme.

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If you have discovered that someone in your family has developed a gambling disorder, you may not know which way to turn. GamFam offer support

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Wiltshire children's community health services

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Wiltshire children's community health services

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We know how important your relationship and role is with your child and we are here to support you. Research shows how important the early years are in your child’s brain development which can have a profound impact on their social and emotional abilities as they grow up. We are here to support you to create positive relationships with your child. It is also beneficial for you, your partner and child if you can attend any appointments with the Health Visitor.

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Baby & Toddler groups are spaces that welcome all parents & carers: a space for children to play & refreshments. There is likely to be one in your local area, check our padlet for details.

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Baby & Toddler groups are spaces that welcome all parents & carers: a space for children to play & refreshments. There is likely to be one in your local area, check our padlet for details.

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Baby & Toddler groups are spaces that welcome all parents & carers: a space for children to play & refreshments. There is likely to be one in your local area, check our padlet for details.

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Dads Rock is a space for dads and their young children (0 – 5 years) to explore music and sound through songs, stories, games and free play. Call 07943 973 473

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Early years music-making for Dads and their children in Bath

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Your experiences: having a baby through surrogacy | Labour & birth articles & support | NCT

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Chris and Mike tell us about their life as new dads, their daughter’s birth through surrogacy and how the highs and lows of parenthood are universal.

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We (Wes and Michael) are on a mission to help raise awareness of Same-Sex Parenting and help normalise our own modern family, as we hopefully help shine the spotlight, positively on families like ours, with either two mommies or two daddies.

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This information sheet is for new and expectant fathers and partners, including same sex partners. It covers rights to time off and pay at the birth and for the first year of your baby's life.

Who do these rights apply to?

The rights in this information sheet apply to the biological father as well as the mother's husband, partner or civil partner, including same sex partners. Parental Leave (which is different from paternity leave and shared parental leave) can also be taken by anyone who has a parental responsibility order for a child, see below for more on parental leave.

These rights apply regardless of whether you work full time or part time and regardless of whether you have a permanent or fixed term contract, as long as you meet the normal qualifying conditions.

You must be an employee to qualify for leave but agency and zero hours contract workers can qualify for statutory pay, if you meet the normal qualifying conditions and take time off after the birth, see below. For more information for workers on a zero hours contract see: Zero hours contracts - maternity and parental rights.

If you are refused these rights because your employer says that you are self-employed, freelance or a contract worker, you should get advice about your employment status or talk to your union, if you have one.

Time off for antenatal appointments for fathers and partners
Can I take time off to accompany my spouse/ partner to antenatal appointments?
Fathers and partners who are employees have a legal right to take unpaid time off work to accompany their spouse/partner to up to two antenatal appointments.

You are entitled to take a maximum of 6.5 hours per appointment, including travelling and waiting time. Any additional time can be taken as annual leave. Some employers offer paid time off and employers can offer more time off than the legal minimum, so check your contract or ask your employer.

Your employer can ask you to provide a written declaration saying that:

you are the spouse/partner (including civil partner or same sex partner) of the mother or the baby's father,

you are taking time off to accompany her to an antenatal appointment,

the appointment is made on the advice of a registered medical practitioner, midwife or nurse, and

the date and time of the appointment.

You should discuss with your employer which antenatal appointments you wish to attend, for example, you may only wish to attend scans or you may need to attend more appointments if there are particular concerns or tests. If your employer does not provide paid leave, you could ask if you can work at home for part of the day or make up the time later. Alternatively, you could take paid annual leave.

If you are refused time off for antenatal appointments you can make a complaint in an employment tribunal within three months (less one day) from the date of the appointment. You should contact ACAS first.

Paternity Leave and Shared Parental Leave
What is paternity leave and shared parental leave?
Employees can take two weeks' paternity leave (PL) at the time of the birth, if you meet the qualifying conditions. You have the right to return to exactly the same job. You must give your employer the correct notice in order to qualify for paternity leave. You cannot take longer for a multiple birth.

If you want more time off you can take shared parental leave (SPL) if you are entitled to it, or unpaid Parental Leave, see below. Fathers and partners do not have an individual entitlement to SPL, you are only entitled to it if the mother reduces her maternity leave/pay.
Can I take paternity leave (PL) or shared parental leave (SPL)?
You can only take PL if you are an employee. Self-employed, agency, freelance and casual workers are not entitled to PL but may still qualify for Statutory Paternity Pay, see Statutory Paternity Pay below.

You are usually an employee if the following arrangements exist at your work:

your employer deducts tax and National Insurance from your pay

your employer controls the work you do, when and how you do it

your employer provides all the equipment for your work

your employer must provide work for you and you must accept it

To qualify for PL and/or SPL you must:

have been employed by your employer for 26 weeks by the 15th week before the baby is due or, if the baby is born before then, you would have worked for your employer for 26 weeks by the 15th week before the baby is due.

be employed by the same employer up to the birth (for PL) and up to the week before the start of SPL (if you want to take SPL).

be the biological father or the mother's husband or partner (including same sex partners).

be responsible for the child and be taking time off to care for the child or support the mother.

When can I take paternity leave?
You can take one week or two weeks in a row but not odd days or two separate weeks. Paternity leave must be taken within 56 days of the birth. If the baby is born before the expected week, paternity leave can be taken any time from the actual date of birth up to 56 days from the date the baby would have been due.

Paternity leave can start on any day of the week. You can choose to start your leave on:

the day the baby is born, or

a fixed number of days/weeks after the birth, or

a fixed date after the day the baby is due.

If you choose to start your leave on the day the baby is born and you are at work that day, your leave will start the following day.
When can I take shared paternity leave (SPL)?
You can take SPL at any time from the end of your paternity leave up to the child's first birthday. You can take SPL at the same time as the mother or separately.
Are paternity leave and shared parental leave paid?
You may qualify for Statutory Paternity Pay (SPP) or Statutory Shared Parental Pay (ShPP) which are both paid at the rate of £172.48 per week (April 2023 - April 2024) or 90% of average earnings if that is less.

Some employers offer fully or partially paid paternity leave and/or shared parental leave to top up the statutory pay so you should check your contract or ask your employer.
Can I get Statutory Paternity Pay (SPP) or Statutory Shared Parental Pay (ShPP)?
You can get SPP and/or ShPP if:

you are the baby's father or the husband/partner of the mother and you are responsible for the baby's upbringing.

you have been employed by your employer for 26 weeks by the 15th week before the baby is due or, if the baby is born before then, you would have worked for your employer for 26 weeks by the 15th week before the baby is due.

you are still employed by the same employer up to the day your child is born (for SPP) or up to the week before the start of ShPP (for ShPP).

you earn at least the weekly lower earnings limit on average (before tax) (currently £123) in the eight weeks (if paid weekly) or two months (if paid monthly) before the 15th week before your baby is born.

You must give the correct notice to get paternity pay, see below. If you want to take SPL/ShPP, both parents must qualify and give the correct notice.

If you do agency, casual or freelance work, you may not be regarded as an 'employee' so you will not qualify for paternity leave, which gives you the right to return to the same job, however, you can still get SPP if your employer deducts tax and NI from your wages, usually through PAYE, and you meet the conditions above for SPP. If you are from abroad you are entitled to SPP/ShPP if you meet the normal qualifying conditions.

SPP/ShPP are not classed as 'public funds' and will not affect future immigration applications.
Can I get Statutory Shared Paternity Pay (ShPP) if I take shared parental leave?
If you meet the qualifying conditions for SPP, you will also meet the qualifying conditions for ShPP providing you are still employed by your employer up to the start of the shared parental leave period that you wish to take and the mother reduces her maternity leave/pay period to 'create' shared parental leave/pay for you to take.

For full details of ShPP, see the information sheet Shared Parental Leave and Pay.
Can my employer ask me to pay SPP/ShPP back if I do not go back to work?
No, all employers can claim the SPP and/or ShPP back from HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC). You do not have to repay it if you do not go back to work for your employer, for example, if you resign or are dismissed or made redundant at any time after the start of your paternity leave and/or SPL. Your employer can get help and advice about paying and reclaiming SPP/ShPP from the HMRC Employer Helpline on 0300 200 3200.
What can I do if my employer refuses to pay SPP/ShPP?
If you are refused SPP or your employer dismisses you to avoid payment of SPP/ShPP, you can contact your local HM Revenue and Customs Office for a formal decision. If your employer refuses to pay SPP/ ShPP or cannot pay it e.g. they have gone into liquidation, you can contact the HMRC Statutory Payments Disputes Team on 0300 322 9422, see Where to go for more help below.
What happens if my baby is stillborn or dies after birth?
You remain entitled to PL if your baby is stillborn after the end of the 24 th week of pregnancy (in or after the 16 th week before the expected week of childbirth). The date of stillbirth is the date your baby was delivered. You also remain entitled to PL if your baby died after the birth.

If your baby dies after you have booked a period of SPL or while you are on SPL, you are entitled to take the SPL.

For more advice see our information sheet: Miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death - rights to time off and pay
When do I have to give notice to take paternity leave and/or pay?
To get paternity leave you MUST give your employer notice in or before the 15th week before your baby is due. If your employer asks you to, you must put it in writing. To get SPP you must give your employer at least 28 days' notice of the date you want to start your pay or you can give notice for leave and pay together in the 15 th week before your baby is due. For full details of how to give notice for paternity leave and pay, see Time off for Working Parents.

If you want to take SPL you MUST give your employer at least eight weeks' notice and provide a notice of intention and entitlement to take SPL, a booking notice and a signed declaration from you and the mother, see Shared Parental Leave and Pay for more full details on how to get SPL and ShPP.

Rights at work for new parents
What are my rights during paternity leave or shared parental leave?
You are entitled to all your normal contractual terms and conditions apart from your basic wages or salary (as you may qualify for paternity pay). Benefits such as share schemes, a company car or mobile phone (unless provided for business use only) continue during paternity leave. You continue to accrue annual leave as normal. Your employer must continue to pay your pension contributions based on your normal salary but any contributions you pay should be based on the paternity pay you actually receive.

You are still regarded as continuing in employment during paternity leave and SPL so your length of service should be treated as continuous.

You have the right to return to exactly the same job on the same terms and conditions after paternity leave.

If you are returning to work after a period SPL, you are entitled to return to the same job if you have taken up to 26 weeks leave on aggregate (including paternity leave and SPL). If you have taken more than 26 weeks leave on aggregate you are entitled to be offered the same job but, if it is not reasonably practicable to return to the same job, your employer can offer a suitable alternative job.

If you take unpaid Parental Leave (see below) of four weeks or more immediately after paternity leave or SPL your employer can offer a suitable alternative job if it is not reasonably practicable to allow you to return to the same job.
What happens if I am made redundant during paternity leave or shared parental leave?
If you are made redundant during PL or SPL your leave will end on the day your contract ends. You will still be entitled to continue to receive SPP or ShPP unless you start work for a new employer. If your employer goes into liquidation you can still claim any unpaid statutory redundancy pay from the Insolvency Service and any unpaid SPP/ShPP from HMRC Statutory Payment Disputes Team (see below for contact details).

However, if your contract ends before the birth you will not be entitled to SPP and if your contract ends before the start of your SPL you will not be entitled to ShPP.

If you are selected for redundancy because you have taken or are about to take paternity leave and/or SPL you may have a claim for unfair dismissal and you should seek legal advice. You need to be employed for two years to bring a claim for ordinary unfair dismissal, however, you can bring a claim for automatic unfair dismissal on the grounds of paternity leave or shared parental leave from day one of your employment.

If you are facing redundancy during SPL, you have the right to be offered a suitable alternative vacancy if one exists, with priority over other employees.

For more information on redundancy during maternity and parental leave, see: Redundancy during pregnancy, maternity and parental leave.
Can I take more time off?
Parental Leave
You can take Parental Leave (this is different from shared parental leave). Parental Leave is usually unpaid but you should check your contract of employment or ask your employer. Parental Leave allows you to take 18 weeks' leave, per parent, per child, up to your child's 18 th birthday. This right comes from the EU Parental Leave Directive.

You are entitled to Parental Leave as long as you are an employee and you have been employed by the same employer for at least a year. You must give your employer at least 21 days' notice, in writing, of the date you want to start your leave and how much leave you want to take. Your employer can only ask you to postpone your Parental Leave if it would cause undue disruption to the business. You are protected against dismissal, redundancy and unfair treatment on the grounds of Parental Leave. For more information on Parental Leave, see Time off for Working Parents.
Annual Leave
If you want to take paid leave you can ask your employer to take annual leave. You should follow your employer's normal leave procedure. All workers are entitled to at least 28 days paid annual leave per year (this can include Bank Holidays). Your employer can ask you to take your leave at another time but they must allow you to be able to use all your annual leave in each leave year.
Sick leave
If you are not well enough to return to work after paternity leave, SPL or Parental Leave you can take sick leave in the normal way and should follow your employer's normal sickness reporting procedures.
What happens if I need time off to care for the mother or baby?
You can take emergency time off if:

a dependant falls ill, gives birth or is injured and needs your assistance.

you need to make arrangements for the care of a dependant who is ill or

there is a sudden disruption of arrangements for the care of a dependant.

there is an unexpected incident at school involving your child (when the school has responsibility for your child).

your dependant dies.

Emergency time off for dependants is usually unpaid but some employers allow some paid leave for family emergencies.

You should let your employer know as soon as reasonably practicable that you need to take time off. You are only entitled to take the time off necessary to deal with the emergency and make arrangements for the mother or child's care.

If you need more time off you will need to take annual leave or give notice to take Parental Leave.

You are protected against unfair treatment on the grounds of time off for dependants. For more information, see Time off for Working Parents.
Can I change my working hours or go part-time to fit in with childcare?
All employees have the right to request changes to your working hours, days or place of work e.g. to go part-time or work from home. You must have been employed by your employer for at least 26 weeks by the time you make your request and you have not made a request for flexible work in the last twelve months.

You can ask to change your hours of work, your days of work or your place of work. You must make a written application to your employer and your employer must consider your request in a reasonable manner and decide within three months. For more information on how to make a flexible work application and model letters, see Child friendly working hours.

Your employer can only refuse your request for one of the following business reasons:

the burden of additional costs

the detrimental effect on the ability to meet customer demand

they are unable to reorganise the work among existing staff

they are unable to recruit additional staff

the detrimental effect on quality

detrimental effect on performance

there is not enough work during the periods the employee wants to work, or

planned structural changes.

Your employer must explain why that reason applies in your circumstances. If your employer refuses your request they should allow you to appeal. You should continue to explore the options with your employer for as long as possible in order to try to resolve it. If your employer grants your request it is usually a permanent change to your contract but your employer can agree to a temporary change of hours/days or a trial period.

If your request is refused without good business reasons you may have a claim for sex discrimination and you should seek legal advice. It may be indirect sex discrimination if an employer refuses a woman's request to change her working pattern. If a man's request to change his working pattern is refused but women in similar jobs have been allowed flexible work, he may be able to make a claim for direct sex discrimination.

You must start a tribunal claim within three months (less one day) from the date of the act you are complaining about and you must contact ACAS within the deadline to start Early Conciliation on 0300 123 11 00.

What can I do if I am treated unfairly for taking leave?
If you are dismissed, made redundant or treated unfairly because you are going to take or have taken paternity leave, shared parental leave, Parental Leave or time off for dependants, you are protected from unfair dismissal or detrimental treatment from day one of your employment. If a woman is allowed more favourable parental or dependants' leave than a man, you may have a claim for sex discrimination.

You should try to resolve it by talking to your employer informally and, if necessary, you can write to your employer, providing them with information on your rights, and ask for a meeting to discuss it. For more information see Dealing with problems at work.

If you cannot resolve the matter you can make a claim in an employment tribunal and you should seek legal advice. Claims must be made within three months (less one day) from the date of the dismissal or discrimination. You must contact ACAS Early Conciliation within the time limit on 0300 123 11 00 before making a tribunal claim.

Benefits for families
I do not qualify for SPP. Can I claim anything else?
If you do not qualify for SPP, for example, if your earnings are too low, your employer must give you form SPP1 explaining why you cannot get it. If you think your employer has wrongly refused SPP, you can telephone the HMRC Statutory Payments Disputes Team on 0300 322 9422 and ask for a formal decision.

If you do not qualify for SPP, you may be able to claim Universal Credit during your paternity leave.
What benefits can we claim when our baby is born? Child Benefit
Once your baby is born you can claim Child Benefit. Families in receipt of child benefit will be subject to a high earner child benefit charge if one or more parent earns more than £50,000.
Tax Credits
If you are already receiving Child Tax Credit and/or Working Tax Credit you may be entitled to an additional amount for a new baby or if your income drops or you take maternity or parental leave. You should get advice before making a new claim for Universal Credit as you cannot go back onto tax credits and you may be worse off on Universal Credit. For more information or to report any changes of circumstances, contact the Tax Credit Helpline on 0345 300 3900 or see: www.gov.uk/child-tax-credit/already-claiming.

Universal Credit
You may be able to claim Universal Credit (depending on your family income and circumstances) if you are on a low income or taking maternity or parental leave. Statutory Maternity, Paternity, Shared Parental Pay and Statutory Sick Pay are treated as earnings when claiming Universal Credit and are largely disregarded. You are exempt from work-related requirements if you are a single parent or nominated as the main carer of a child under 3.

For more information on Universal Credit, see: www.gov.uk/universal-credit For an online calculator, see www.betteroffcalculator.co.uk

You can get more advice on Universal Credit claims through the free Citizens Advice Help to Claim service: England: 0800 144 8444, Wales: 0800 024 1220, Scotland: 0800 023 2581

Food vouchers and Sure Start/Best Start Maternity Grant
If you or your partner are receiving Universal Credit, Child Tax Credit, Income Support or income-based Jobseekers Allowance you may be entitled to Healthy Start vouchers and a Sure Start Maternity Grant of £500 for your first child (or if there are no other children aged under 16 in your family) or first multiple birth. Claim on form SF100 (Sure Start), available from your local Jobcentre Plus or online here, from 11 weeks before your baby is due until 6 months after the birth.

If you live in Scotland you may be eligible for Best Start Grants and Best Start Foods, see: www.mygov.scot/best-start-grant-best-start-foods/

Housing and council tax
You may also be able to get help from your local council with discretionary housing payments, council tax reduction or local welfare assistance schemes.

For more information on benefits, see: Money for Parents and Babies.
This information sheet was written in January 2023. It is very important to get up-to-date advice as law and guidance changes. This guide is for information purposes only and should not be treated as legal advice. You are strongly advised to get personal legal advice about the individual circumstances of your case.
Where to go for more help
Maternity Action
For information on maternity and parental rights at work and benefits, see: www.maternityaction.org.uk

Maternity Rights Advice Line:

Nationwide (except London) - 0808 802 0029

London (if you live or work in a London borough) - 0808 802 0057

For opening hours see: https://maternityaction.org.uk/advice-line/
ACAS
For advice on employment rights or for Early Conciliation if you are thinking of making a tribunal claim

Helpline: 0300 123 11 00 (offers telephone interpreting service)
Citizens Advice
For information about your rights see: www.citizensadvice.org.uk

You can telephone the national Citizens Advice phone service on 03444 111 444

You can get help with Universal Credit claims through the free national Help to Claim service: England: 0800 144 8444, Wales: 0800 024 1220, Scotland: 0800 023 2581

For more information on how to find your local Citizens Advice Bureau, see:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/contact-us/contact-us/ Civil Legal Advice
If you are eligible for legal aid you can get free legal advice on 0345 345 4 345 (offers translation service). To check your eligibility see www.gov.uk/civil-legal-advice

To search for specialist legal advisers or solicitors in your area see: https://find-legal-advice.justice.gov.uk/
Equality Advisory Support Service
Help and advice on discrimination and human rights www.equalityadvisoryservice.com

Helpline: 0808 800 0082 Mon - Fri 9am - 7pm, Sat 10am - 2pm

Textphone: 0808 800 0084
Equalities and Human Rights Commission (EHRC)
For information and advice about discrimination law www.equalityhumanrights.com

For information for employees and employers about pregnancy and maternity rights in the workplace see: www.equalityhumanrights.com/about-us/our-work/key-projects/managing-pregnancy-and-maternity-workplace
GOV.UK
The government's online information service
Jobcentre Plus
To make new telephone benefit claims or request claim forms, including Maternity Allowance and Sure Start Maternity Grant: 0800 055 6688 Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm

For ESA/JSA/Income Support claims: 0800 169 0310 Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm

For Maternity Allowance claims: 0800 169 0283 Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm

For Sure Start Maternity Grant claims: 0800 169 0140 Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm/For Best Start Grant claims in Scotland: 0800 182 2222

Universal Credit helpline - for new claims and existing online claims: 0800 328 5644. Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm

For help with claiming Universal Credit see: www.gov.uk/universal-credit
HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC)
Tax Credit Helpline: 0345 300 3900 Mon - Fri 8am-8pm, Sat 8am-4pm, Sun 9am -5pm

Child Benefit: 0300 200 3100 Mon - Fri 8am-8pm, Sat 8am- 4pm

For queries about Statutory Maternity Pay, Adoption Pay, Paternity Pay and Shared Parental Pay:

Employees helpline 0300 200 3500

Employers helpline 0300 200 3200
HMRC Statutory Payments Disputes Team
If you cannot resolve a dispute about your SMP, you can ask HMRC for a formal decision on your entitlement. You can also ask HMRC to pay your SMP if your employer has refused to pay, has dismissed you to avoid paying SMP or has gone into liquidation. This includes disputes about Statutory Maternity Pay/Adoption Pay/Paternity Pay/Shared Parental Pay/Parental Bereavement Pay or Statutory Sick Pay

See: https://www.gov.uk/guidance/statutory-pay-entitlement-how-to-deal-with-disagreements

Telephone: 0300 322 9422

You can also write to the Statutory Payments Disputes Team at HM Revenue and Customs, PT Operations, Statutory Payments Dispute Team, BX9 1AN.
Insolvency Service Helpline
You can currently only contact the Insolvency Service online.

For what you can claim if your employer goes out of business, see: https://www.gov.uk/your-rights-if-your-employer-is-insolvent
Law Centres Network
To find out if there is a Law Centre in your area telephone 020 3637 1330 or see: www.lawcentres.org.uk/
Turn2us
Online benefits calculator and grant search www.turn2us.org.uk

More Maternity Action information sheets
Rights during pregnancy Pregnant at work 2021 Pregnancy Discrimination Time off for antenatal care Health and safety during pregnancy and return to work Resigning from your job during pregnancy and maternity leave Changing jobs or more than one job
Pregnant during maternity leave (when you are expecting again)
Premature births - rights to maternity leave and pay Miscarriage stillbirth and neonatal death - rights to time off and pay Maternity pay and benefits Maternity Pay Questions Money for Parents and Babies Maternity and parental leave Rights during maternity leave and return to work Keeping in touch during leave Shared Parental Leave and Pay Time off for Working Parents Asking to change your working hours or go part-time Child friendly working hours Redundancy, dismissal and discrimination Pregnancy Discrimination Rights during maternity leave and return to work Redundancy during pregnancy, maternity and parental leave Dealing with problems at work Health and safety, breastfeeding and sickness Sickness during pregnancy maternity leave and return to work Health and safety during pregnancy and return to work Postnatal depression and depression during pregnancy Childbirth injuries - rights at work and benefits for new mothers Breastfeeding on return to work Breastfeeding while out and about Self-employed, agency and zero hours work Maternity and parental rights for agency workers Maternity and parental rights if you are self-employed Changing jobs or more than one job Zero hours contracts - maternity and parental rights Apprentices - maternity and parental rights at work Fathers and partners, including same sex partners Rights at work for fathers and partners Shared Parental Leave and Pay Child friendly working hours Time off for Working Parents Dealing with problems at work Adoption or surrogacy Time off and pay for parents-surrogacy Shared parental leave and pay - adoption Money for Parents and Babies
Available at www.maternityaction.org.uk

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Rights at work for fathers and partners including same sex partners - Maternity Action

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This page contains information on: Who do these rights apply to?Time off for antenatal appointments for fathers and partnersPaternity Leave and Shared Parental LeaveRights at work for new parentsBenefits for familiesWhere to go for more helpMore Maternity Action information sheets January 2023 This information sheet is for new and expectant fathers and partners, including same more "

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Receiving Support as a Non-Gestational Parent

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Receiving Support as a Non-Gestational Parent

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A non-gestational parent is a parent who did not physically give birth to the new child, which is common in LGBTQIA+ family planning journeys. Being a non-gestational partner can be hard and alienating, especially if the non-gestational partner has not contributed genetic material to the conception.
"When [my wife] was pregnant, I didn't feel any resources were really intended for me. Everything seemed geared towards her. I had to rely on family and friends, or go it alone. I just tried to read as many books as I could and insert my own experience into them when they were about fathers." - Tara B. "Just because you are not the carrying parent, it doesn't make you any less of a parent. Especially in the early days, you need meals and kind words and 4AM text threads just as much as anyone else. And of course you need your familial relationships and parenthood to be respected and affirmed, just as all parents do." - GP
As Claude Silver's story also sheds light on, inclusive support and language matters for those on this journey. What is evident is the power of the LGBTQIA+ community for the open, immense support offered and the shared experiences that can make anyone feel more empowered, validated and less alone.

This guide is meant to be a resource to help LGBTQIA+ non-gestational parents get the support they need.

Thank you to Jenn Rumbach (she/her or they/them) for contributing to this guide. They are a proud Poppy advocate who is a queer, full-spectrum doula committed to anti-racist, anti-ableist and queer, trans-, non-binary-, agender- and intersex-affirming birthwork helping families navigate their family building journeys.

Find Care Providers Who Will Honor Your Relationship
Find fertility and prenatal care providers who treat you with respect and use appropriate language for non-gestational partners (terms, pronouns, names, genders) throughout the conception, pregnancy and birth processes.
Discuss and Create Shared Experiences Throughout the Process

For ICI, IUI or IVF, non-gestational partners can help organize the process, give the shots, or push the syringe when it's time to inject sperm for ICI/IUI.

Discuss registering your name on the birth certificate and what is involved in second parent adoption.

Find a sounding board on names - what will the child call you? What feels right in relation to your gender identity and heritage?

Seek guidance on inducing lactation, if you want to try to bodyfeed.

Decide on Your Boundaries
Build a protective wall around the relationship and conception circumstances by talking through how you plan to respond to the questions from family, friends and strangers alike about genetic relationships, conception methodology, and so forth.
Request the Type of Support You Need, Which Can Look Like

Ask family and friends to listen without responding.

Communicate the language you want others to use and decide together how you'll respond to gendered comments that are insensitive (such as "you're like the dad then!")

Ask for resources and local or virtual support groups that you think may be beneficial to your journey.

Gather Tips, Resources and Organizations to Learn From

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Guide: How to Receive Support as a Non-Gestational Parent - Poppy Seed Health

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We walk you through tips to navigating the often difficult lifestyle of non-gestational partners, including finding the right care providers and how to talk to loved ones about your experience.

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What Non-Birthing Parents want you to know

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What Non-Birthing Parents want you to know

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Two Mums, One Pregnancy: What Non-Birthing Parents Want You to Know

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Read about non-birthing mother's experiences on their journey to parenthood. We talk about the struggles and challenges LGBTQ+ families face when starting a family and share useful resources to guide new couples having a baby.

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The experience of a non-birthing Mothers

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The experience of a non-birthing Mothers

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"We feel incredibly lucky to have our children, but each pregnancy and birth has been completely different, and we've faced a lot of barriers as an LGBT+ couple. We have 3 children - our first child is 9 years old, and it took 5 attempts at IUI, including a miscarriage. Our second child is now 5, which took 2 IUI attempts and with our third child, we had 3 failed IUI's, 1 failed IVF and on the 5th attempt, IVF worked. Our fourth child, who is due in October, was conceived through 1 round of IVF.

"After everything we went through, we have felt mesmerised and in disbelief that each of our babies was finally here and safe! The best part of being a parent is waking up knowing you've been given the best gift ever and hearing them call your name!

"But the fear that the world is unkind and that someday they'll come to realise that, is hard to digest. We have to equip them with the understanding that not everyone is accepting of our family unit or who they are, and we are teaching them how to navigate those situations.

"Across the healthcare setting, especially in maternity care, there's a real lack of education about different family pathways and needs. The worst interaction was with the doctor the day after our eldest was born. She refused to deal with me as the non-birthing mother and told the nurse to, "get her out, I don't want her. I want the REAL mum." That sentence and memory lives with me. It definitely tainted our first experience as first-time mothers.

"Being from multiple marginalised minority groups whilst having to overcome a multitude of barriers has been a struggle. Everything from lack of funding, general discrimination, lack of understanding, systems not fit for purpose that exclude our family and our needs, all put us and our communities at risk of poorer outcomes. However, the midwives at our first birth were AMAZING. They didn't know everything, but they were considerate, asked questions, listened and got excited with us - it made us feel like it was an adventure and a memorable experience.

"I'd advise anyone looking to start a family to research every potential family pathway. You don't know where it will lead or how unfortunately, sometimes the path you thought you'd take is unviable due to fertility or finances. Find your support network and organisations to give you guidance about safe spaces around care or treatment.

"Our journey was difficult, and we wanted to create a community and an organisation that supported people down the different paths to parenthood- so people didn't have to experience what we did. LGBT Mummies was founded from this need: a need for a safe haven for women and people like us to come to for guidance, support and to meet others with lived experience- so that their journey felt less isolating and to be understood and celebrated.

"We want equal rights in funding access, access to inclusive care and a system that is trained to support us. How can you support someone if you have no understanding of the struggles and barriers they've had to overcome?"

You can find support and information from LGBT Mummies on their website.

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Experiences of a non-birthing mother | Life as a parent articles & support | NCT

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Laura and her partner have three children aged 9, 5, 3 and a fourth arrival due in October. Here she shares her experience as a non-birthing mother navigating parenthood and the challenges that have come with being an LGBT+ couple going through the maternity system.

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Having a birth partner present during labour helps to improve birth experiences. So it's important to think about who you would like to support you during this exciting time and plan ahead. Read on to find out more about birth partners and the important role they have in supporting women in labour.

What is a birth partner?

A birth partner is someone like your partner who is present during labour and the birth of your baby to help support you with what you need at the time. They might provide encouraging words, sips of water or maybe a snack, or even just a quiet, comforting presence. Birth partners may also play an important role in helping you prepare for giving birth by attending parenting classes and helping you with your birth plan.

You can read our top ten tips for birth partners for more practical ideas for how they can help.

Who can be a birth partner?

Anyone who you are comfortable with being at your labour and your baby's birth can be a birth partner. It could be your partner, a close friend, or a family member.

You might also wish to consider having a paid professional present. This could be an independent midwife or a doula.

What is a birth doula?

A doula is someone who provides physical and emotional support to you (and your partner) during labour and delivery. They don't do anything medical but are a continuous, reassuring presence. They are there to listen to you, support your decisions, help you understand what is happening and help you have the kind of birth you want. Most (but not all) doulas are mothers themselves and may have done additional training.

NCT has a service provided by specially trained doulas, called NCT Doula, which provides one-to-one support for parents. They support you from late pregnancy, through labour, delivery, and into the first weeks with your new baby.

Why do I need a birth partner?

Having a birth partner or partners will give you continuous labour and birth support. Just having a friendly and familiar face will help to put you at ease. If you give birth in a hospital, it is likely that the midwives will be looking after more than one labouring woman at a time. They also need to manage technology, keep records and may begin or end work shifts in the middle of a women's labour.

Research has shown that having a supportive birthing partner with you continuously through labour can help give you an added sense of control, comfort and competence. This in turn will help you have a better birth experience and decrease your chances of experiencing complications or having a medical intervention like a caesarean (Hodnett et al, 2013).

How do I choose my birth partner?

You can choose who you would like to be present at your baby's birth. Some women would like their partners to be present, while others prefer their mum, an independent midwife or doula, or a close friend or another family member. Read more about how to choose your birth partner in our article.

How many birth partners can I have?

It depends on where you choose to give birth and what you want. For example, some women ask a family member as well as their partner to be there. Some hospitals and birth centres may restrict the number of birth partners you can have so you'll need to check this with your midwife (Tommy's, 2018).

Having more than one birth partner can help because it can take the pressure off a bit. It can also come in handy if one birth partner needs to take a break, so you still have someone with you. Find out more in our article on choosing your birth partner.

What is the role of a birth partner?

The main role of a birth partner is to support and encourage you during labour and birth. In early labour they can provide you with company and chat. As labour progresses, they can help to keep you calm and comfortable and offer you support by:

providing emotional support like encouragement, praise, reassurance and listening to you

giving you physical support like rubbing your back, wiping a cool flannel on your face or helping you change positions and get more comfortable

providing you with practical support like getting you a drink or making phone calls to keep relatives updated.

(Northern Lincolnshire and Goole, NHS 2015; Which? Birth Choice, 2018)

What is it really like to be a birth partner?

For most birth partners, being there to see a baby being born is a moving experience. Many birth partners say it is one of the most memorable moments of their life. For some it can also be daunting and nerve wracking. Read our article about what it's really like to support a woman during labour.

Plan ahead

The most important thing is to read up on what to expect in labour and decide on the right birth companions and support for you. Think about what type of labour you would like, who you would like to be with you and how you would like them to support you. You'll also want to discuss it with them in advance.

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How birth partners can support labour | Labour & birth articles & support | NCT

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Having a birth partner or doula can help a woman to feel more in control and better supported during labour. Find out about more about the role of a birth partner.

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Whether it's your partner, daughter or friend due to give birth, it's an honour to be asked to be a birth partner. Yet this exciting role can also be daunting. Here we discuss some top tips to help you get ready.

You'll find a whole number of ways you can help support the mum-to-be during labour (NHS Choices, 2017a). One place to start is by talking to them in advance about their expectations of you - ask them how they'd like you to support them. This will help you both feel more prepared ahead of the birth and confident in your role as birth partner (NHS Choices, 2017b).

Watch this video for tips on how to support your partner during labour.

1. Be prepared

Birth partners should be prepared and ready. The weeks around their due date are not a good time to book an impromptu holiday or be in a meeting with your mobile phone switched off.

You should talk through their birth plan (if you have one) with the mum-to-be well in advance. Attending birth classes like an NCT course together can help you learn about what to expect in labour (Which? Birth Choice, 2018). Classes will also help you write a birth plan if you want one (Which? Birth Choice, 2018).

Ask the woman if there are any specific ways they would like you to support them during labour and the birth. Also ask about any no-go areas. And know your limits too - if there are bits of the birth you prefer not to get hands on with, make it clear beforehand. For example, let her know if you don't want to help cut the baby's umbilical cord.

If you're planning to use any new kit during labour like a TENS machine, make sure you test it out ahead of time and know how to use it.

2. Be there and know what she wants

The number one thing you can do for a woman in labour is be there as continuous support for them and help them with whatever they need at the time. Research has shown that having a familiar birth partner present throughout labour can help improve the birth experience (Bohren et al, 2017).

Whether that's simply being there to hold her hand, or offering moral support and bringing some positive energy to the room (NHS, 2017b). Try to talk about what emotional, physical and practical support she would like too. Help her write down a birth plan or talk through it if she would like to. That way, you know her preferred birth choices like the back of your hand.

3. Provide company

During the early stages of labour you can help keep her company, make sure she is comfortable and help pass the time together.

You might be able to go for a walk together in the early stages of labour, watch television, listen to music or read together.

You can assist with whatever helps the mum-to-be feel comfy. She might like you to help her to bath, you could fetch her some relaxing creature comforts, or give her a hand to keep moving.

You'll also need a break. Make sure you bring some snacks for you too and wear comfy clothes to keep yourself in top form (Northern Lincolnshire and Goole NHS, 2015).

4. Give her practical support

You can help in lots of practical ways. You could drive the mum-to-be to the hospital, carrying her hospital bag and helping her check into the birthing suite or hospital (NHS, 2017b).

When you get there, you could do things like helping her to move around the room and change positions. She might love you to give her a back rub or get her a cup of tea.

If she is planning a home birth you can help set up everything she needs at home, whether that's a birthing pool or somewhere comfy for the mum-to-be. On the day you could offer to get the mum-to-be a hot drink and make phone calls to keep family updated.

The key here is to discuss and plan in advance what practical support she would like you to provide.

5. Provide emotional support

As the mum-to-be's labour progresses and contractions get stronger you can be her rock, comforting and reassuring her. Simple gestures like holding or squeezing her hand and giving positive words of encouragement can really help.

6. Support her physically and take care of yourself

You can encourage the mum-to-be to keep active during labour and help her move about or change positions so she feels more comfortable (NHS, 2017b). You could also offer to massage her back and shoulders, wipe her face with a cold flannel, or simply give her a reassuring hug. You might also find you need to back off a bit if she needs space. Ask what she'd prefer.

To continue to support the mum-to-be well during labour, you also need to be on top form. You might be supporting and providing comfort to her for a long time. You may even find you haven't slept all night and are extremely tired.

So take time out if you need it - whether that's going for a quick toilet break, getting a hot drink or stepping out to make a phone call. Make sure you bring snacks and wear comfy clothes (Northern Lincolnshire and Goole NHS, 2015).

7. Listen to her

Try to really listen to what she needs on the day. It can be easier said than done but you will need to be intuitive and try and understand what she needs and when. Especially if she is in too much pain to express it well herself.

Be aware that her needs might change as her labour progresses. At times during labour, the mum-to-be might like emotional and physical support. Yet there might be other times when she would like to be left alone to help her focus.

8. Be confident, encourage and motivate

If you are upbeat and confident in a woman's ability to give birth, this will help encourage and support her.

Words are powerful. You can help your partner stay motivated during labour by offering words of encouragement. Tell her how much you love her, how well she is doing. Also respect her wishes if she asks you to be quiet.

Encourage her to use any relaxation and breathing techniques you have learnt, perhaps by doing them with her. She might not be able to see what is happening as the baby is being born. So help to motivate her by telling her what is happening and when you can see the baby's head.

9. Be an advocate

You might need to express the mum-to-be's needs to the midwife or doctor (NHS, 2017b). So help to explain to the health professional what she would like. You might also need to explain to her any new information from the health professionals.

Support the mum-to-be's decisions, even if they're different from what's in her birth plan. She might want to choose a different type of pain relief, for example.

10. Be flexible

Be prepared to be flexible. No two labours are the same and, although you can prepare, you will need to adapt to whatever is working or not working during labour. It's possible that everything will go to plan but you might also find that an urgent medical situation arises and alters the course of the labour.

If this happens, tell the mum-to-be what's happening if you can and continue to encourage and reassure her. This will help her feel more in control of the situation.

You might be waiting a long time for her labour to progress, or you may have to make quick decisions based on medical advice and her best interests. Be prepared to be flexible on the day and go with the flow.

Give yourself a pat on the back too

Being a birth partner can be an incredibly rewarding experience. Yet it can also be nerve wracking and emotionally draining.

As well as congratulating the mum-to-be on their new arrival, don't forget to take some time out for yourself afterwards and talk to a friend about it. Make sure you give yourself some recognition for the part you have played in the baby's birth too.

Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700.

We also offer antenatal courses which are a great way to find out more about birth, labour and life with a new baby.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

Find out more about NCT Doulas and how they can during labour. NCT Doulas provide women, and their partners, with skilled physical and emotional assistance during labour. They have up-to-date knowledge and information about labour and birth and help provide encouragement to woman. This helps enable them to have the type of labour and birth they would like. NCT Doulas are qualified professionals who have completed a professional Doula UK course, developed by NCT in partnership with the University of Worcester.

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Ten tips for birth partners | Labour & birth articles & support | NCT

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Birth partners can help a woman feel supported in labour and make the experience more positive. Here are some top tips for being a brilliant birth partner.

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Note - this article references mother but all breast/chestfeeding parents may find this information useful

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New parents need time to adjust to their new roles. Life may change dramatically, especially for a ﬁrst time mother-many women say they didn't feel prepared for the emotional upheaval they experienced on becoming a mother. Even experienced mothers can have difﬁculties juggling the needs of the new baby with those of older children.

At this time a pair of practical helping hands can make a big difference by allowing a mother time to recover from the birth and establish breastfeeding. In the early days, a baby will probably want to breastfeed a lot of the time they are awake. At this stage, a mother may only be managing to eat, sleep and nurse the baby.

This is normal. At ﬁrst their mother and nursing will be at the centre of a baby's world. The security of a baby's bond with their mother is the basis for all other relationships. A breastfeeding mother generally feels an intense connection with her baby, both emotionally and physically, due to breastfeeding hormones and the practical need to stay close to nurse her baby.

This way, babies get what they need to thrive. A baby's wants are a baby's needs-they can't wait like an adult can. By meeting your baby's needs a mother gives them a secure attachment so they can develop into a conﬁdent child.

Why breastfeed?
When can a baby start eating solid food?
When will a baby sleep through the night?
When does breastfeeding stop?
Support for mothers is important
Ways to support a breastfeeding mother
What breastfeeding mothers say when asked what would help
What about partners?
What about dads?
Two women having a baby
What about other family members?
What about visitors?
Other ways to help
When a mum has no support

Why breastfeed?

Breastmilk has everything a growing baby needs in exactly the right amounts and is easy to digest. Research shows that a baby who is not breastfed is more likely to suffer from health problems, both as a child and throughout adulthood. Infant formula increases a child's risk of (amongst many other health problems): SIDS, Cancer, Obesity, Diabetes, and Allergies.

See Amazing milk for more information.

What about breastfeeding in public places?

Babies often want to breastfeed when people around them are eating and drinking-and why not? Mothers breastfeed in many public places and tend to be so discreet you may not even have noticed.

Breastfeeding is also convenient when a mother is out and about. She can spot early feeding cues and offer a feed before her baby gets frantic-well before those around her are even aware. After all, no one notices a baby nestled in mum's arms but a crying baby guarantees an audience!

When can a baby start eating solid food?

Breastmilk is a complete food so a healthy baby needs only breastmilk until about the middle of the ﬁrst year. There's no beneﬁt to be found in introducing solid foods before this time. If a baby seems hungry, more breastmilk usually does the trick-mothers could breastfeed more often, offering both sides. Many babies who start on solid foods from around six months quickly learn to feed themselves and enjoy sitting up with the family at mealtimes.

See Starting Solid Food.

When will a baby sleep through the night?

A baby will need to breastfeed during the night for a number of months to ensure they take in enough milk and to maintain their mother's milk production. Just as there's no ﬁxed age for when a baby is ready to walk or talk, there's no real way of knowing when they will be ready to sleep through the night. Consider whether you sleep through the night now? Many adults wake, turn over and go back to sleep as a matter of course. As a baby grows their sleep cycles will naturally get longer. In the meantime, they will wake and be likely to need the comfort of mother, her co-parent or other family member's presence to help them relax and fall back to sleep.

What about bottles and dummies? Bottles or dummies can confuse a baby's sucking technique, so if a supplement is needed, a spoon, ﬂexible feeding cup or syringe can be used. Giving formula affects a mother's milk production since a baby will take less breastmilk. Some mothers express milk for their partner, or another support person, to give but expressing takes more effort than simply breastfeeding. If a mother is ﬁnding night feeding exhausting you could encourage her to rest during the day, to try feeding lying down and to keep baby close at night so she doesn't have to get up. See our page on Safer Sleep for more information.

When does breastfeeding stop?

When does a baby's need to use nappies or a highchair stop? It's all very individual. It doesn't usually help to push children on to the next stage until they are ready. Breastmilk is just as nutritious as it was when they were tiny and it still protects them from infection. There is no evidence that continuing to breastfeed makes a toddler clingy-in fact the opposite may be the case. A toddler may seem big but emotionally they are still a baby. It's easier on mother and baby to let breastfeeding end gradually.

Breastfeeding bonuses

Nothing compares with breastmilk for growing healthy, clever babies.

No getting up to prepare bottles during the night.

Your baby's nappies won't smell bad.

No feeding equipment and expensive formula to buy for your baby.

Less to take with you when you go out with your baby.

Support for mothers is important

One very real problem is that many mothers don't receive enough support in the early days and months, and simply try to do too much. Most mothers who stop breastfeeding before they want to cite lack of support as the reason. They need time to recover and adjust, especially after a difﬁcult birth. Caring for a newborn really is a full time job, and that's before you add in essential jobs around the house and caring for any older children. All mothers need practical help and support.

The biggest challenges for all mothers are:

Getting enough sleep.

Keeping up with basic housework.

Lack of emotional support.

Isolation

The help you give can make a lot of difference to a new mother, especially when her baby seems to be nursing all the time and is waking at night. Be sensitive to her needs. What you can offer and do will partly depend on whether you are a friend or family member, and the closeness of your relationship. Some mothers will want more practical help, others more emotional help-and a mother may have strong views on what help she will accept and from whom.

Ways to support a breastfeeding mother

You may be her partner, the baby's dad or mum, a family member or friend. All mothers need support, and whatever your relationship to her there are things you can do to help.

With baby:

Walks in the fresh air. Consider wearing baby in a sling or other carrier.

Go out and about; babies are social people.

Read and sing to baby-they'll love hearing your voice.

Take a bath together, or bathe them in the baby bath. Many babies love bathtime!

Sleep with them. Visit our page on Safer Sleep and the Breastfed Baby.

Hold them on your chest while they nap to help your baby feel safe and relaxed.

Nappy changes are perfect for games and chat.

Talk to your baby about things around the house.

Take your baby to their mother whenever they need her.

Use the Magic Baby Hold: with your baby's back against your front, bring your left arm over their left shoulder (one arm on either side of yours), and hold their right thigh.

Try other comfort techniques.

Jiggle and sway. Babies tend to like side- to- side motion.

For the breastfeeding mother:

Make sure she has food and drinks.

Cut her food up for her if she's holding the baby!

Hold the baby so she can take a shower.

Help her get good help if she needs it.

Guard against too many visitors. Let others know when you need to be alone. Protect mum and baby from over-enthusiastic visitors and callers, and try to ensure you all have some peaceful uninterrupted time together. Turn off the phone and put a 'do not disturb' sign on the front door.

Look after older children. Provide fun activities and opportunity for exercise. Try to meet their needs for attention, sleep and healthy food.

Fight off any pressure to separate mum and baby. Help mum and baby spend lots of time snuggling together in the hours and days after birth.

What breastfeeding mothers say when asked what would help

"The best presents for a new mum are home cooked meals frozen in take away tubs- ready meals but real food!"
"Order a box set & takeaway!"
"I need friends supporting me, sharing laughter and tears, coffee and cake"
"Make sure I have water, muslin, remote control, phone, book & cake"
"Bring me snacks that are tasty, healthy and one-handed!"
"When it's really hot and my baby is going through a growth spurt, bring me long, cool glasses of water!"
"The best way anyone can help is by taking care of the pile of washing up!"
"Call me during the day to say 'Hi!' and ask how I'm doing""Please don't try and give my baby formula, the moment you do you undermine my confidence in my body's ability to sustain my baby"
"Give me support & encouragement and tell people who criticise or question me that I'm doing ok"
"Don't tell me it is 'normal' and that I should persevere if I am in pain"
"Pass me the phone with a breastfeeding counsellor on the other end if I'm in pain"
"Never say 'well you are breastfeeding' when I say I'm tired"
"Tell me it's ok to take one feed at a time"
"Give me a thumbs up!"
"Tell me my baby is beautiful""Take my older children to the park"

Below is lots of information about supporting a breastfeeding mother, divided into different sections. You may find useful information in all of the sections regardless of your own role and relationship to mum and baby.

What about partners?
Your baby doesn't need you to feed them.* So what can you do? Anything else! You are The Safe Person Who Is Not Mum.
Whether or not you are your baby's biological parent, and whatever your family looks like, your partner needs your support. In the early days, your baby will probably want to breastfeed a lot of the time they are awake. At this stage, your partner may only be managing to eat, sleep and nurse the baby. This is normal.

At first their mother and nursing will be the centre of your baby's world. Don't worry if you find you don't get to hold your baby for long before their mum is needed again. A baby's bond with their mother is the basis for all other relationships. Encouraging the closeness with mum will strengthen their love for you later. Soon that tiny baby will be reaching out to the rest of the world. They will want all the fun and excitement you can give!

You are different. Your shape, voice, hands, and smell are different. You hold baby differently. You teach them that different can be good, and when they are frazzled you may be just the difference that your baby needs needs.

As life settles down you and your partner will probably both need time to adjust to your new roles as parents. Many women say they didn't feel prepared for the emotional upheaval they experienced on becoming a mother. You'll also find lots of changes in your life.

Breastfeeding mothers often feel an intense connection with their baby, both emotionally and physically, due to breastfeeding hormones and the practical need to stay close to feed the baby. It can be easy to feel a bit left out of this. Try to get involved in practical ways. It will help you bond with your baby-your partner will love you for it and so will your baby.

You may both find that your baby becomes central to your life-their needs being met before either of yours. This is nature's way of ensuring babies get what they need to thrive.

Your first job is to support breastfeeding, not compete with it. A "relief bottle" may seem helpful, but it's more likely to cause breastfeeding problems and health risks for baby. Protect your partner from criticism and tell her she's doing a good job. Protect your partner from well meaning but unhelpful advice that undermines breastfeeding-even if it comes from your own mum!

Admire and praise your baby's mother. Your love and encouragement will work wonders. Firmly resist pressures to feed baby anything other than mum's own milk before he is six months old. Your baby doesn't need other foods until they can sit up and begin to feed themselves. Even then, breastmilk carries on being an important food for older babies and toddlers.

*Some non-gestational mothers do breastfeed their babies. See the section Two women having a baby

What about dads?

Dads feel different, they often have deep voices and a different smell. They move and hold a baby differently. At the end of a long day, dad, with all his special differences, can be just what baby and mother need. Dads are fun and have a special gift for playing with babies. They play the sort of exciting games babies enjoy. Your baby will adore your singing and funny noises (even if mum doesn't). And you'll probably enjoy your baby's toys as much as he does! Dads are just as good at cuddles as mums. A great way to comfort your baby is to use a carrier-babies usually love them and it's a handy way to settle your baby. At times when your baby is fussy or uncomfortable and nothing else works, the colic hold is a dad's speciality.

Caring for your baby teaches them that love comes from interacting with people as well as from food.

Try some of suggestions in the section above Ways to support a breastfeeding mother.

You can support your baby's mother by making the most of your paternity leave. Take as long as you can manage. Take it when the mother and baby would otherwise be at home alone. Concentrate just on the needs of mum, baby and any other children. Let everything else wait.

Meet your baby's need for you. Your baby needs you to be a dad, not a substitute mother. Spend time with your baby and enjoy your unique father-baby relationship.

Two women having a baby

For lesbian couples, if you're the non-gestational parent you may feel left out - especially if you have to explain you are the baby's mother too. Finding support for yourself and your breastfeeding partner is important. Your partner and your baby need you now, and your baby will need you more and more as they grow. You could be entitled to paid leave although your employer may not be aware of this, there are resources in Further Reading that might help.

In some couples two mothers do share breastfeeding; others find different ways to connect, you'll find lots of ideas in the section above Ways to support a breastfeeding mother.

Deciding to share breastfeeding, and how you do that, are personal decisions. You can read about how one couple shared breastfeeding here:

You will find resources in Further Reading, or contact your local LLL Leader who can help you talk about your options.

What about other family members?

Is the new baby in your family breastfed? New research has shown that breastfeeding is important for the baby's health and development and for the mother's health, both now and in the future. It's even good for the environment.

Research has found that breastfeeding works best when the baby is fed in response to hunger cues, not on a schedule. That's usually quite frequently, especially in the beginning. Fortunately, you can't feed too often.

Sore nipples aren't an expected part of breastfeeding; they are a sign that something isn't quite right. With some expert help, the mother should soon be breastfeeding comfortably.

Most medical experts, including the NHS and the World Health Organization, recommend that babies be breastfed exclusively- no formula or solid foods- for six months or so, and continue breastfeeding with solid foods added to their diet into these toddler years-even two years or more.

Much of this may be different from what you learned when you had your own babies. But guess what hasn't changed? New mothers still need lots of help, lots of support, and lots of loving family members around to prepare meals or throw in a load of laundry. They need people to be patient with them as they figure out both breastfeeding and motherhood. And babies still need their grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, siblings and other family members to love them. Your practical help and support are a golden investment in your family's future, and in your lives together.

What about visitors?

Prioritise tasks: the needs of people are best dealt with before housework. Avoid trying to take over baby care or expecting to be entertained when you visit. Concentrate on 'mothering the mother' and helping with household jobs.

Offer practical help with housework and essential tasks: grocery shopping, laundry, preparing meals or providing a meal that can simply be reheated, leaving her a sandwich lunch, washing up and cleaning the kitchen, t idying and vacuuming.

Bring her the things she needs while nursing: eg drinks, snacks, pillows, books, the TV remote, her mobile.

Make her a drink and offer your company for a while.

Tell her how well she's doing.

Listen if she is feeling worried, tired, or overwhelmed. She might find it easier to talk to you about her worries than to close family.

Help her ﬁnd another mother to talk to.

Help with the baby and any older children: changing nappies; care for the baby while mum sleeps, goes to the loo, takes a short walk or a bath.

Entertain and care for older children. Perhaps take them out for a walk, to the park or invite them round to play with your children. Help with the school run or taking older children to after school activities.

Other ways to help

Welcome breastfeeding so the mum feels comfortable nursing in your presence, be a breastfeeding advocate. Avoid undermining her conﬁdence by asking negative questions like, "Are you sure the baby is getting enough to eat?" or, "Why aren't they sleeping through the night yet?". Offer a sympathetic ear rather than advice when she complains or seems tired-try to support and encourage.

Find out about what is normal for nursing babies of different ages. Remember that breastfeeding problems have breastfeeding solutions. Bottles or weaning are rarely the answer.

Encourage or help the mum to ﬁnd the support she needs. Mothers can easily get skilled help from an LLL Leader by calling our Helpline.
An offer to take the mother to her local LLL group when she feels ready may be very welcome. It can be hard to get out of the house when you have a new baby.

Many mothers will appreciate having someone familiar with them when they go to a new group for the ﬁrst time, and any woman is welcome at meetings. Some groups may also run meetings for couples.

When a mum has no support

LLL meetings are a great place to meet other mothers and to share experiences. If there is no LLL group in your area you may be able to attend online meetings, and join Facebook groups to get support and share experiences with other breastfeeding mums. Contact us for details.

Homestart are a national charity who help families with young children. Their website has lots of practical ideas and stories, and also details of how to contact Homestart in your area.

Your Health Visitor will have details of local activities including post natal groups. Libraries and playgroups are good places to meet other mums.

If you, or a mum you are supporting, is feeling depressed or down you might find useful information on our Adjusting To Motherhood page.

Written by mothers of LLLGB and adapted by Ellen Mateer. The original text of Supporting a Breastfeeding Mother was sponsored by Jill Welsh in memory of her mother, Rose Wesby, who encouraged her to breastfeed and showed her the gentle art of mothering.

Further Reading
Amazing Milk
Beginning Breastfeeding
Comfortable Breastfeeding
Caesarean Birth & Breatsfeeding
Dummies & Breastfeeding
Is My Baby Getting Enough Milk
Out and About With Your Breastfed Baby
Parenting when you partners breastfeeds
Rhythms & Routines
Safe Sleep and the Breastfed Baby
Smoking & Breastfeeding
Starting Solid Food
Relactation & Induced Lactation
Mothers on ... support from our nearest & dearest
LLL's father concept - it's not just about dads!
Relactation and Induced Lactation
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding LLLI. London: Pinter & Martin, 2010.

Other online Information
Breastfeeding in a Same-Sex (Female) Relationship
Induced Lactation and the Newman-Goldfarb Protocols for Induced Lactation
Breastfeeding Without Birthing

The information on this page is adapted from Supporting a Breastfeeding Mother and Parenting when your partner breastfeeds which are available to buy in printed form from our shop.

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Supporting a Breastfeeding Mother - La Leche League GB

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New parents need time to adjust to their new roles. Life may change dramatically, especially for a ﬁrst time mother-many women say they didn't feel prepared for the emotional upheaval they experienced on becoming a mother. Even experienced mothers can have difﬁculties juggling the needs of the new baby with those of older children.

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Two-mum families: becoming mummy and mama | Life as a parent articles & support | NCT

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Mum of three, Claire Lynch, shares her experience of being a new parent with her wife and her tips for families with two mums.

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https://www.babywearing.co.uk/benefits-for-parents/

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Being a parent is extremely rewarding however it can also be a demanding and daunting role. At times it is difficult to get daily chores completed when your baby is demanding so much attention. Even making a telephone call can seem a major task when your youngster requires soothing. It is essential that your baby feels happy and content for both your and their emotional well-being. Baby wearing is a great way to offer children your physical presence while allowing you to get on with the everyday tasks. You can keep your baby close and content while providing a stimulating learning environment for them. Baby wearing ensures that you are hands free so that you can make that phone call, do the housework or go for a walk.

If you have other children in your household, a sling can help you to meet their needs, while also offering your baby the stimulation that he needs. This goes a long way to reduce sibling rivalry as your older child sees that you still have time to play with them and fulfil their needs.

Baby wearing is particularly useful when you are out and about, if you are using public transport. No need to fold up a bulky pushchair and carry it on board! A sling provides a safe and secure environment for baby when shopping or in crowds.

Baby wearing allows nursing mothers to breastfeed on the move. You can continue with an active lifestyle even when your youngster is demanding a great deal of satisfying. It is also an excellent way of breastfeeding discreetly while outside the home. Because babies feel comfortable and secure in a sling they are very happy to be fed in their sling and some babies actually feed better on the move.

When worn correctly a sling can ease back and shoulder pain as the babies weight is evenly distributed. It is also a must-have for parents of larger babies who may find the weight of carrying their youngster leads to aching arms and shoulders. Slings can also be useful for times when you are feeling tired but your baby is wide awake. Certain positions are less stimulating for the child and can be sleep inducing.

Using a sling is also a good way for babies to bond with their fathers. Fathers tend to have a different body rhythm to mothers and the baby will learn to appreciate these differences and respond accordingly. Fathers report that baby wearing helps them develop a sense of closeness that taking baby out in a pushchair just can't provide. Mothers suffering from post-natal depression may also find baby wearing a useful yet non-intrusive way of bonding with their baby.

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Being a parent is extremely rewarding however it can also be a demanding and daunting role. At times it is difficult to get daily chores completed when your baby is demanding so much attention. Even making a telephone call can seem a major task when your youngster requires soothing.

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"It took six years (interrupted by Covid) and six attempts at IVF for Shelley and I to finally get that positive pregnancy test.

"IVF is an extremely emotional and, at times, difficult journey to go through. The staff at our clinic were excellent though and never once made us feel uncomfortable about our relationship. IVF isn't cheap however and we wish there was more financial support out there for LGBT+ couples. Like heterosexual couples, we want to see free treatment for the first round of IVF on the NHS or some kind of help to pay for it.

"People who aren't aware of how IVF works are often amazed and think it's brilliant that we were able to try for a family as an LGBT+ couple. We are sometimes asked personal questions, but always give clear and honest answers because it's about educating people and I suppose 'normalising' it.

"In hospitals or at the doctors we always try to explain our family dynamic immediately to people so that they don't slip up and to save embarrassment. Sometimes we don't get the chance though and assumptions are made.

"The world has moved on a lot in recent years, but people are still learning, and we shouldn't blame them for their mistakes. We just help to educate them. My advice to other LGBT+ couples would be to get ahead of the game by introducing yourselves straight away to get rid of any confusion. The more visible we are, the more acceptance and understanding we'll see.

"You always worry about being the ones who are different in a group, but our NCT course was outstanding. Appropriate language was always used, we felt completely included and were treated just like any other couple in the room. We honestly wouldn't change a thing about it. It really helped us to prepare for what was to come.

"We felt completely elated when we became parents! We finally had the baby we'd tried so hard and so long for. We cried with joy. We can't wait for each day to watch our baby grow and change. We can't wait for all the adventures we are going to have together."

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Having a baby through IVF | Life as a parent articles & support | NCT

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Case Eames and her wife Shelley were married for two years before they decided to start a family through IVF. It was a long and emotional journey for the couple and after six attempts, they finally became parents to their baby girl, Iris.

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How to tackle questions like 'what will they call you'

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How to tackle questions like 'what will they call you'

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Sharing experiences of mothering in a two mum family

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What will the baby call you?

When my partner was pregnant, we were often asked if we would both be called mummy once the baby could talk. Some people can find it difficult to imagine a family without traditionally gendered roles. So to them, asking about names is really a way of expressing that.

If you or your partner speak another language you might already be planning to use another word for mother in your family. Some parents simply use their names, for example mummy Jo and mummy Emma.

In our case, our children decided for us. As soon as they could talk, they named us mummy and mama and they've been quick to correct anyone who gets us muddled up ever since.

Parenting is a series of challenges. Frankly, what you call yourselves should be the least of them. Choose the words that work for your family and feel confident in asking others to use them too.

I do understand that when people say, 'I can't remember who's who, I'll just call you both Mummy'; it's probably to cover their own embarrassment. I also know that when people don't try to get this right it confuses, or even upsets, our children. It goes without saying that we are distinct people to them and the names they call us are as meaningful as those used in a family with a mummy and a daddy.

How did you get pregnant?

It still surprises me that anyone would ask such a personal question but believe me, they do. Most people wouldn't consider approaching a pregnant woman and asking her for details of the conception, but curiosity seems to overtake manners when it comes to quizzing LGBT+ couples. Remember that you're not obliged to satisfy the interest of even the most persistent stranger in the supermarket.

There might be legitimate (rather than nosey) versions of this question. For example, when registering the baby's birth or during antenatal appointments if the birth mother is not also the biological mother. Even so, you should expect the same respect and privacy as any other parents get.

Who's the daddy?

There are many different ways to build a family. But you might find people struggle at first if your family structure is not familiar to them.

There might be a dad in your family set up, a male co-parent, a known donor, or the father of children from a previous relationship. Alternatively, women who conceive by anonymous donor may prefer the term 'donor' to 'dad'. This term might clarify the line between the genetic origin of a child and their parents, neither of whom identify as a father.

Families of donor-conceived children understandably feel immense gratitude to the person who has provided the opportunity to start their family. They may also feel strongly about preserving parental 'names' for the people who will parent the child throughout their life. Try to use the language you would like others to use and they will follow suit.

How did you decide who would carry the baby?

Variations on this include: 'Aren't you lucky she's doing all the hard work?' 'Did you toss a coin?' and 'you can have the next one'. For many LGBT+ couples the question of who carries the pregnancy can be hugely emotive.

The decision might be one of necessity, a matter of illness or infertility. It might have been the source of great heartache for one partner to 'sacrifice' this role. Non-pregnant mothers can often feel relegated to the role of observer during pregnancy and the assumption that they have 'opted-out' can be hurtful.

For others, this might have been a straightforward decision. This too can be surprising to heterosexual couples who do not have the choice to make. Not wanting to be pregnant does not mean you are not maternal. You are not less of a parent because you didn't give birth.

That said, for most women there's some adjusting to do between the images of motherhood they see around them and the mother they want to be. You don't have to be like the woman on the nappy adverts to be a great mum.

When my partner was pregnant, it was important for me to shape a role around what I could do for our babies rather than focusing on what I couldn't. So during your partner's pregnancy, this might include cooking healthy food, decorating the nursery, and taking time off work to attend scans or hospital appointments.

You might also like to sign up to a weekly email service to keep up-to-date with the baby's developments. It also helps you keep track of the symptoms your partner is likely to experience so you know how best to support her.

There's plenty of work to go around with a new baby so take some duties on as your own. Set aside time each day for skin-to-skin cuddles or take responsibility for bath time. This will help you to build your confidence as a new mum and allow your partner time to rest and recover from birth.
Claire Lynch is a writer and academic. She lives near Windsor with her wife Bethan and their three daughters. This article is part of a series she has written about her experiences as a LGBT+ parent for NCT. Her book Small: On motherhoods, telling the story of her motherhood journey, is out now and published by Brazen_Octopus books. If you'd like to share your story, please do get in touch: nctmatterseditor@nct.org.uk
Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700. We also offer antenatal courses which are a great way to find out more about birth, labour and life with a new baby.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

You might find attending one of NCT's Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Read the free guide from Stonewall 'Pregnant Pause: A guide for lesbians on how to get pregnant' covering all aspects of pregnancy and childbirth from conception to starting school

Read more about the parenting issues facing LGBT+ parents on the website, Pink Parents

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Two-mum families: how to tackle questions like 'what will they call you?' | Life as a parent articles & support | NCT

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Claire Lynch shares her experience of being a two-mum family and offers her advice for tackling those awkward personal questions.

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This information sheet is for new and expectant fathers and partners, including same sex partners. It covers rights to time off and pay at the birth and for the first year of your baby's life.

Who do these rights apply to?

The rights in this information sheet apply to the biological father as well as the mother's husband, partner or civil partner, including same sex partners. Parental Leave (which is different from paternity leave and shared parental leave) can also be taken by anyone who has a parental responsibility order for a child, see below for more on parental leave.

These rights apply regardless of whether you work full time or part time and regardless of whether you have a permanent or fixed term contract, as long as you meet the normal qualifying conditions.

You must be an employee to qualify for leave but agency and zero hours contract workers can qualify for statutory pay, if you meet the normal qualifying conditions and take time off after the birth, see below. For more information for workers on a zero hours contract see: Zero hours contracts - maternity and parental rights.

If you are refused these rights because your employer says that you are self-employed, freelance or a contract worker, you should get advice about your employment status or talk to your union, if you have one.

Time off for antenatal appointments for fathers and partners
Can I take time off to accompany my spouse/ partner to antenatal appointments?
Fathers and partners who are employees have a legal right to take unpaid time off work to accompany their spouse/partner to up to two antenatal appointments.

You are entitled to take a maximum of 6.5 hours per appointment, including travelling and waiting time. Any additional time can be taken as annual leave. Some employers offer paid time off and employers can offer more time off than the legal minimum, so check your contract or ask your employer.

Your employer can ask you to provide a written declaration saying that:

you are the spouse/partner (including civil partner or same sex partner) of the mother or the baby's father,

you are taking time off to accompany her to an antenatal appointment,

the appointment is made on the advice of a registered medical practitioner, midwife or nurse, and

the date and time of the appointment.

You should discuss with your employer which antenatal appointments you wish to attend, for example, you may only wish to attend scans or you may need to attend more appointments if there are particular concerns or tests. If your employer does not provide paid leave, you could ask if you can work at home for part of the day or make up the time later. Alternatively, you could take paid annual leave.

If you are refused time off for antenatal appointments you can make a complaint in an employment tribunal within three months (less one day) from the date of the appointment. You should contact ACAS first.

Paternity Leave and Shared Parental Leave
What is paternity leave and shared parental leave?
Employees can take two weeks' paternity leave (PL) at the time of the birth, if you meet the qualifying conditions. You have the right to return to exactly the same job. You must give your employer the correct notice in order to qualify for paternity leave. You cannot take longer for a multiple birth.

If you want more time off you can take shared parental leave (SPL) if you are entitled to it, or unpaid Parental Leave, see below. Fathers and partners do not have an individual entitlement to SPL, you are only entitled to it if the mother reduces her maternity leave/pay.
Can I take paternity leave (PL) or shared parental leave (SPL)?
You can only take PL if you are an employee. Self-employed, agency, freelance and casual workers are not entitled to PL but may still qualify for Statutory Paternity Pay, see Statutory Paternity Pay below.

You are usually an employee if the following arrangements exist at your work:

your employer deducts tax and National Insurance from your pay

your employer controls the work you do, when and how you do it

your employer provides all the equipment for your work

your employer must provide work for you and you must accept it

To qualify for PL and/or SPL you must:

have been employed by your employer for 26 weeks by the 15th week before the baby is due or, if the baby is born before then, you would have worked for your employer for 26 weeks by the 15th week before the baby is due.

be employed by the same employer up to the birth (for PL) and up to the week before the start of SPL (if you want to take SPL).

be the biological father or the mother's husband or partner (including same sex partners).

be responsible for the child and be taking time off to care for the child or support the mother.

When can I take paternity leave?
You can take one week or two weeks in a row but not odd days or two separate weeks. Paternity leave must be taken within 56 days of the birth. If the baby is born before the expected week, paternity leave can be taken any time from the actual date of birth up to 56 days from the date the baby would have been due.

Paternity leave can start on any day of the week. You can choose to start your leave on:

the day the baby is born, or

a fixed number of days/weeks after the birth, or

a fixed date after the day the baby is due.

If you choose to start your leave on the day the baby is born and you are at work that day, your leave will start the following day.
When can I take shared paternity leave (SPL)?
You can take SPL at any time from the end of your paternity leave up to the child's first birthday. You can take SPL at the same time as the mother or separately.
Are paternity leave and shared parental leave paid?
You may qualify for Statutory Paternity Pay (SPP) or Statutory Shared Parental Pay (ShPP) which are both paid at the rate of £172.48 per week (April 2023 - April 2024) or 90% of average earnings if that is less.

Some employers offer fully or partially paid paternity leave and/or shared parental leave to top up the statutory pay so you should check your contract or ask your employer.
Can I get Statutory Paternity Pay (SPP) or Statutory Shared Parental Pay (ShPP)?
You can get SPP and/or ShPP if:

you are the baby's father or the husband/partner of the mother and you are responsible for the baby's upbringing.

you have been employed by your employer for 26 weeks by the 15th week before the baby is due or, if the baby is born before then, you would have worked for your employer for 26 weeks by the 15th week before the baby is due.

you are still employed by the same employer up to the day your child is born (for SPP) or up to the week before the start of ShPP (for ShPP).

you earn at least the weekly lower earnings limit on average (before tax) (currently £123) in the eight weeks (if paid weekly) or two months (if paid monthly) before the 15th week before your baby is born.

You must give the correct notice to get paternity pay, see below. If you want to take SPL/ShPP, both parents must qualify and give the correct notice.

If you do agency, casual or freelance work, you may not be regarded as an 'employee' so you will not qualify for paternity leave, which gives you the right to return to the same job, however, you can still get SPP if your employer deducts tax and NI from your wages, usually through PAYE, and you meet the conditions above for SPP. If you are from abroad you are entitled to SPP/ShPP if you meet the normal qualifying conditions.

SPP/ShPP are not classed as 'public funds' and will not affect future immigration applications.
Can I get Statutory Shared Paternity Pay (ShPP) if I take shared parental leave?
If you meet the qualifying conditions for SPP, you will also meet the qualifying conditions for ShPP providing you are still employed by your employer up to the start of the shared parental leave period that you wish to take and the mother reduces her maternity leave/pay period to 'create' shared parental leave/pay for you to take.

For full details of ShPP, see the information sheet Shared Parental Leave and Pay.
Can my employer ask me to pay SPP/ShPP back if I do not go back to work?
No, all employers can claim the SPP and/or ShPP back from HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC). You do not have to repay it if you do not go back to work for your employer, for example, if you resign or are dismissed or made redundant at any time after the start of your paternity leave and/or SPL. Your employer can get help and advice about paying and reclaiming SPP/ShPP from the HMRC Employer Helpline on 0300 200 3200.
What can I do if my employer refuses to pay SPP/ShPP?
If you are refused SPP or your employer dismisses you to avoid payment of SPP/ShPP, you can contact your local HM Revenue and Customs Office for a formal decision. If your employer refuses to pay SPP/ ShPP or cannot pay it e.g. they have gone into liquidation, you can contact the HMRC Statutory Payments Disputes Team on 0300 322 9422, see Where to go for more help below.
What happens if my baby is stillborn or dies after birth?
You remain entitled to PL if your baby is stillborn after the end of the 24 th week of pregnancy (in or after the 16 th week before the expected week of childbirth). The date of stillbirth is the date your baby was delivered. You also remain entitled to PL if your baby died after the birth.

If your baby dies after you have booked a period of SPL or while you are on SPL, you are entitled to take the SPL.

For more advice see our information sheet: Miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death - rights to time off and pay
When do I have to give notice to take paternity leave and/or pay?
To get paternity leave you MUST give your employer notice in or before the 15th week before your baby is due. If your employer asks you to, you must put it in writing. To get SPP you must give your employer at least 28 days' notice of the date you want to start your pay or you can give notice for leave and pay together in the 15 th week before your baby is due. For full details of how to give notice for paternity leave and pay, see Time off for Working Parents.

If you want to take SPL you MUST give your employer at least eight weeks' notice and provide a notice of intention and entitlement to take SPL, a booking notice and a signed declaration from you and the mother, see Shared Parental Leave and Pay for more full details on how to get SPL and ShPP.

Rights at work for new parents
What are my rights during paternity leave or shared parental leave?
You are entitled to all your normal contractual terms and conditions apart from your basic wages or salary (as you may qualify for paternity pay). Benefits such as share schemes, a company car or mobile phone (unless provided for business use only) continue during paternity leave. You continue to accrue annual leave as normal. Your employer must continue to pay your pension contributions based on your normal salary but any contributions you pay should be based on the paternity pay you actually receive.

You are still regarded as continuing in employment during paternity leave and SPL so your length of service should be treated as continuous.

You have the right to return to exactly the same job on the same terms and conditions after paternity leave.

If you are returning to work after a period SPL, you are entitled to return to the same job if you have taken up to 26 weeks leave on aggregate (including paternity leave and SPL). If you have taken more than 26 weeks leave on aggregate you are entitled to be offered the same job but, if it is not reasonably practicable to return to the same job, your employer can offer a suitable alternative job.

If you take unpaid Parental Leave (see below) of four weeks or more immediately after paternity leave or SPL your employer can offer a suitable alternative job if it is not reasonably practicable to allow you to return to the same job.
What happens if I am made redundant during paternity leave or shared parental leave?
If you are made redundant during PL or SPL your leave will end on the day your contract ends. You will still be entitled to continue to receive SPP or ShPP unless you start work for a new employer. If your employer goes into liquidation you can still claim any unpaid statutory redundancy pay from the Insolvency Service and any unpaid SPP/ShPP from HMRC Statutory Payment Disputes Team (see below for contact details).

However, if your contract ends before the birth you will not be entitled to SPP and if your contract ends before the start of your SPL you will not be entitled to ShPP.

If you are selected for redundancy because you have taken or are about to take paternity leave and/or SPL you may have a claim for unfair dismissal and you should seek legal advice. You need to be employed for two years to bring a claim for ordinary unfair dismissal, however, you can bring a claim for automatic unfair dismissal on the grounds of paternity leave or shared parental leave from day one of your employment.

If you are facing redundancy during SPL, you have the right to be offered a suitable alternative vacancy if one exists, with priority over other employees.

For more information on redundancy during maternity and parental leave, see: Redundancy during pregnancy, maternity and parental leave.
Can I take more time off?
Parental Leave
You can take Parental Leave (this is different from shared parental leave). Parental Leave is usually unpaid but you should check your contract of employment or ask your employer. Parental Leave allows you to take 18 weeks' leave, per parent, per child, up to your child's 18 th birthday. This right comes from the EU Parental Leave Directive.

You are entitled to Parental Leave as long as you are an employee and you have been employed by the same employer for at least a year. You must give your employer at least 21 days' notice, in writing, of the date you want to start your leave and how much leave you want to take. Your employer can only ask you to postpone your Parental Leave if it would cause undue disruption to the business. You are protected against dismissal, redundancy and unfair treatment on the grounds of Parental Leave. For more information on Parental Leave, see Time off for Working Parents.
Annual Leave
If you want to take paid leave you can ask your employer to take annual leave. You should follow your employer's normal leave procedure. All workers are entitled to at least 28 days paid annual leave per year (this can include Bank Holidays). Your employer can ask you to take your leave at another time but they must allow you to be able to use all your annual leave in each leave year.
Sick leave
If you are not well enough to return to work after paternity leave, SPL or Parental Leave you can take sick leave in the normal way and should follow your employer's normal sickness reporting procedures.
What happens if I need time off to care for the mother or baby?
You can take emergency time off if:

a dependant falls ill, gives birth or is injured and needs your assistance.

you need to make arrangements for the care of a dependant who is ill or

there is a sudden disruption of arrangements for the care of a dependant.

there is an unexpected incident at school involving your child (when the school has responsibility for your child).

your dependant dies.

Emergency time off for dependants is usually unpaid but some employers allow some paid leave for family emergencies.

You should let your employer know as soon as reasonably practicable that you need to take time off. You are only entitled to take the time off necessary to deal with the emergency and make arrangements for the mother or child's care.

If you need more time off you will need to take annual leave or give notice to take Parental Leave.

You are protected against unfair treatment on the grounds of time off for dependants. For more information, see Time off for Working Parents.
Can I change my working hours or go part-time to fit in with childcare?
All employees have the right to request changes to your working hours, days or place of work e.g. to go part-time or work from home. You must have been employed by your employer for at least 26 weeks by the time you make your request and you have not made a request for flexible work in the last twelve months.

You can ask to change your hours of work, your days of work or your place of work. You must make a written application to your employer and your employer must consider your request in a reasonable manner and decide within three months. For more information on how to make a flexible work application and model letters, see Child friendly working hours.

Your employer can only refuse your request for one of the following business reasons:

the burden of additional costs

the detrimental effect on the ability to meet customer demand

they are unable to reorganise the work among existing staff

they are unable to recruit additional staff

the detrimental effect on quality

detrimental effect on performance

there is not enough work during the periods the employee wants to work, or

planned structural changes.

Your employer must explain why that reason applies in your circumstances. If your employer refuses your request they should allow you to appeal. You should continue to explore the options with your employer for as long as possible in order to try to resolve it. If your employer grants your request it is usually a permanent change to your contract but your employer can agree to a temporary change of hours/days or a trial period.

If your request is refused without good business reasons you may have a claim for sex discrimination and you should seek legal advice. It may be indirect sex discrimination if an employer refuses a woman's request to change her working pattern. If a man's request to change his working pattern is refused but women in similar jobs have been allowed flexible work, he may be able to make a claim for direct sex discrimination.

You must start a tribunal claim within three months (less one day) from the date of the act you are complaining about and you must contact ACAS within the deadline to start Early Conciliation on 0300 123 11 00.

What can I do if I am treated unfairly for taking leave?
If you are dismissed, made redundant or treated unfairly because you are going to take or have taken paternity leave, shared parental leave, Parental Leave or time off for dependants, you are protected from unfair dismissal or detrimental treatment from day one of your employment. If a woman is allowed more favourable parental or dependants' leave than a man, you may have a claim for sex discrimination.

You should try to resolve it by talking to your employer informally and, if necessary, you can write to your employer, providing them with information on your rights, and ask for a meeting to discuss it. For more information see Dealing with problems at work.

If you cannot resolve the matter you can make a claim in an employment tribunal and you should seek legal advice. Claims must be made within three months (less one day) from the date of the dismissal or discrimination. You must contact ACAS Early Conciliation within the time limit on 0300 123 11 00 before making a tribunal claim.

Benefits for families
I do not qualify for SPP. Can I claim anything else?
If you do not qualify for SPP, for example, if your earnings are too low, your employer must give you form SPP1 explaining why you cannot get it. If you think your employer has wrongly refused SPP, you can telephone the HMRC Statutory Payments Disputes Team on 0300 322 9422 and ask for a formal decision.

If you do not qualify for SPP, you may be able to claim Universal Credit during your paternity leave.
What benefits can we claim when our baby is born? Child Benefit
Once your baby is born you can claim Child Benefit. Families in receipt of child benefit will be subject to a high earner child benefit charge if one or more parent earns more than £50,000.
Tax Credits
If you are already receiving Child Tax Credit and/or Working Tax Credit you may be entitled to an additional amount for a new baby or if your income drops or you take maternity or parental leave. You should get advice before making a new claim for Universal Credit as you cannot go back onto tax credits and you may be worse off on Universal Credit. For more information or to report any changes of circumstances, contact the Tax Credit Helpline on 0345 300 3900 or see: www.gov.uk/child-tax-credit/already-claiming.

Universal Credit
You may be able to claim Universal Credit (depending on your family income and circumstances) if you are on a low income or taking maternity or parental leave. Statutory Maternity, Paternity, Shared Parental Pay and Statutory Sick Pay are treated as earnings when claiming Universal Credit and are largely disregarded. You are exempt from work-related requirements if you are a single parent or nominated as the main carer of a child under 3.

For more information on Universal Credit, see: www.gov.uk/universal-credit For an online calculator, see www.betteroffcalculator.co.uk

You can get more advice on Universal Credit claims through the free Citizens Advice Help to Claim service: England: 0800 144 8444, Wales: 0800 024 1220, Scotland: 0800 023 2581

Food vouchers and Sure Start/Best Start Maternity Grant
If you or your partner are receiving Universal Credit, Child Tax Credit, Income Support or income-based Jobseekers Allowance you may be entitled to Healthy Start vouchers and a Sure Start Maternity Grant of £500 for your first child (or if there are no other children aged under 16 in your family) or first multiple birth. Claim on form SF100 (Sure Start), available from your local Jobcentre Plus or online here, from 11 weeks before your baby is due until 6 months after the birth.

If you live in Scotland you may be eligible for Best Start Grants and Best Start Foods, see: www.mygov.scot/best-start-grant-best-start-foods/

Housing and council tax
You may also be able to get help from your local council with discretionary housing payments, council tax reduction or local welfare assistance schemes.

For more information on benefits, see: Money for Parents and Babies.
This information sheet was written in January 2023. It is very important to get up-to-date advice as law and guidance changes. This guide is for information purposes only and should not be treated as legal advice. You are strongly advised to get personal legal advice about the individual circumstances of your case.
Where to go for more help
Maternity Action
For information on maternity and parental rights at work and benefits, see: www.maternityaction.org.uk

Maternity Rights Advice Line:

Nationwide (except London) - 0808 802 0029

London (if you live or work in a London borough) - 0808 802 0057

For opening hours see: https://maternityaction.org.uk/advice-line/
ACAS
For advice on employment rights or for Early Conciliation if you are thinking of making a tribunal claim

Helpline: 0300 123 11 00 (offers telephone interpreting service)
Citizens Advice
For information about your rights see: www.citizensadvice.org.uk

You can telephone the national Citizens Advice phone service on 03444 111 444

You can get help with Universal Credit claims through the free national Help to Claim service: England: 0800 144 8444, Wales: 0800 024 1220, Scotland: 0800 023 2581

For more information on how to find your local Citizens Advice Bureau, see:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/contact-us/contact-us/ Civil Legal Advice
If you are eligible for legal aid you can get free legal advice on 0345 345 4 345 (offers translation service). To check your eligibility see www.gov.uk/civil-legal-advice

To search for specialist legal advisers or solicitors in your area see: https://find-legal-advice.justice.gov.uk/
Equality Advisory Support Service
Help and advice on discrimination and human rights www.equalityadvisoryservice.com

Helpline: 0808 800 0082 Mon - Fri 9am - 7pm, Sat 10am - 2pm

Textphone: 0808 800 0084
Equalities and Human Rights Commission (EHRC)
For information and advice about discrimination law www.equalityhumanrights.com

For information for employees and employers about pregnancy and maternity rights in the workplace see: www.equalityhumanrights.com/about-us/our-work/key-projects/managing-pregnancy-and-maternity-workplace
GOV.UK
The government's online information service
Jobcentre Plus
To make new telephone benefit claims or request claim forms, including Maternity Allowance and Sure Start Maternity Grant: 0800 055 6688 Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm

For ESA/JSA/Income Support claims: 0800 169 0310 Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm

For Maternity Allowance claims: 0800 169 0283 Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm

For Sure Start Maternity Grant claims: 0800 169 0140 Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm/For Best Start Grant claims in Scotland: 0800 182 2222

Universal Credit helpline - for new claims and existing online claims: 0800 328 5644. Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm

For help with claiming Universal Credit see: www.gov.uk/universal-credit
HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC)
Tax Credit Helpline: 0345 300 3900 Mon - Fri 8am-8pm, Sat 8am-4pm, Sun 9am -5pm

Child Benefit: 0300 200 3100 Mon - Fri 8am-8pm, Sat 8am- 4pm

For queries about Statutory Maternity Pay, Adoption Pay, Paternity Pay and Shared Parental Pay:

Employees helpline 0300 200 3500

Employers helpline 0300 200 3200
HMRC Statutory Payments Disputes Team
If you cannot resolve a dispute about your SMP, you can ask HMRC for a formal decision on your entitlement. You can also ask HMRC to pay your SMP if your employer has refused to pay, has dismissed you to avoid paying SMP or has gone into liquidation. This includes disputes about Statutory Maternity Pay/Adoption Pay/Paternity Pay/Shared Parental Pay/Parental Bereavement Pay or Statutory Sick Pay

See: https://www.gov.uk/guidance/statutory-pay-entitlement-how-to-deal-with-disagreements

Telephone: 0300 322 9422

You can also write to the Statutory Payments Disputes Team at HM Revenue and Customs, PT Operations, Statutory Payments Dispute Team, BX9 1AN.
Insolvency Service Helpline
You can currently only contact the Insolvency Service online.

For what you can claim if your employer goes out of business, see: https://www.gov.uk/your-rights-if-your-employer-is-insolvent
Law Centres Network
To find out if there is a Law Centre in your area telephone 020 3637 1330 or see: www.lawcentres.org.uk/
Turn2us
Online benefits calculator and grant search www.turn2us.org.uk

More Maternity Action information sheets
Rights during pregnancy Pregnant at work 2021 Pregnancy Discrimination Time off for antenatal care Health and safety during pregnancy and return to work Resigning from your job during pregnancy and maternity leave Changing jobs or more than one job
Pregnant during maternity leave (when you are expecting again)
Premature births - rights to maternity leave and pay Miscarriage stillbirth and neonatal death - rights to time off and pay Maternity pay and benefits Maternity Pay Questions Money for Parents and Babies Maternity and parental leave Rights during maternity leave and return to work Keeping in touch during leave Shared Parental Leave and Pay Time off for Working Parents Asking to change your working hours or go part-time Child friendly working hours Redundancy, dismissal and discrimination Pregnancy Discrimination Rights during maternity leave and return to work Redundancy during pregnancy, maternity and parental leave Dealing with problems at work Health and safety, breastfeeding and sickness Sickness during pregnancy maternity leave and return to work Health and safety during pregnancy and return to work Postnatal depression and depression during pregnancy Childbirth injuries - rights at work and benefits for new mothers Breastfeeding on return to work Breastfeeding while out and about Self-employed, agency and zero hours work Maternity and parental rights for agency workers Maternity and parental rights if you are self-employed Changing jobs or more than one job Zero hours contracts - maternity and parental rights Apprentices - maternity and parental rights at work Fathers and partners, including same sex partners Rights at work for fathers and partners Shared Parental Leave and Pay Child friendly working hours Time off for Working Parents Dealing with problems at work Adoption or surrogacy Time off and pay for parents-surrogacy Shared parental leave and pay - adoption Money for Parents and Babies
Available at www.maternityaction.org.uk

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Rights at work for fathers and partners including same sex partners - Maternity Action

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This page contains information on: Who do these rights apply to?Time off for antenatal appointments for fathers and partnersPaternity Leave and Shared Parental LeaveRights at work for new parentsBenefits for familiesWhere to go for more helpMore Maternity Action information sheets January 2023 This information sheet is for new and expectant fathers and partners, including same more "

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Trans & Non-Binary Experiences of Maternity Services

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Trans & Non-Binary Experiences of Maternity Services

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One in 10 new fathers say they feel low, anxious or depressed after having a baby - and in reality the figure is probably higher.

We've been supporting dads for over a decade. Some are experiencing their own mental health difficulties or are dealing with trauma related to the birth of their child. Others may be struggling to support a partner who's unwell. Sometimes, both parents might be finding it hard to adapt to their new lives with a baby.

Our Dads in Mind service offers vital one-to-one support over the phone, text and online. There are also opportunities to meet face-to-face for support - a walk in the park, for example, can be a great chance to offload and get fresh air and exercise at the same time.

Dads looking for group support can get together online, while Bluebell Place provides an ideal venue for face-to-face group meet ups. Here, comfy sofas and free pizza create a safe, relaxed atmosphere. A member of our team leads informal discussions about coping strategies and self care. Dr Karl Scheeres, a Bluebell trustee, often comes along to offer information about perinatal mental health. Dads share their experiences, listen to others and give each other vital moral support.
We work in partnership with Vitaminds to deliver our Dads in mind services, to access these services you can make a referral here.
You can also read more about what we're doing to make sure everyone feels welcome.

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Improving the outcomes of Black people globally through education and therapy.

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What’s it like for dads during labour? | Labour & birth articles & support | NCT

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With the inevitable focus on the mum during labour, the role of the birth partner can be overlooked. Here’s what the birth is really like for partners…

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Having a birth partner present during labour helps to improve birth experiences. So it's important to think about who you would like to support you during this exciting time and plan ahead. Read on to find out more about birth partners and the important role they have in supporting women in labour.

What is a birth partner?

A birth partner is someone like your partner who is present during labour and the birth of your baby to help support you with what you need at the time. They might provide encouraging words, sips of water or maybe a snack, or even just a quiet, comforting presence. Birth partners may also play an important role in helping you prepare for giving birth by attending parenting classes and helping you with your birth plan.

You can read our top ten tips for birth partners for more practical ideas for how they can help.

Who can be a birth partner?

Anyone who you are comfortable with being at your labour and your baby's birth can be a birth partner. It could be your partner, a close friend, or a family member.

You might also wish to consider having a paid professional present. This could be an independent midwife or a doula.

What is a birth doula?

A doula is someone who provides physical and emotional support to you (and your partner) during labour and delivery. They don't do anything medical but are a continuous, reassuring presence. They are there to listen to you, support your decisions, help you understand what is happening and help you have the kind of birth you want. Most (but not all) doulas are mothers themselves and may have done additional training.

NCT has a service provided by specially trained doulas, called NCT Doula, which provides one-to-one support for parents. They support you from late pregnancy, through labour, delivery, and into the first weeks with your new baby.

Why do I need a birth partner?

Having a birth partner or partners will give you continuous labour and birth support. Just having a friendly and familiar face will help to put you at ease. If you give birth in a hospital, it is likely that the midwives will be looking after more than one labouring woman at a time. They also need to manage technology, keep records and may begin or end work shifts in the middle of a women's labour.

Research has shown that having a supportive birthing partner with you continuously through labour can help give you an added sense of control, comfort and competence. This in turn will help you have a better birth experience and decrease your chances of experiencing complications or having a medical intervention like a caesarean (Hodnett et al, 2013).

How do I choose my birth partner?

You can choose who you would like to be present at your baby's birth. Some women would like their partners to be present, while others prefer their mum, an independent midwife or doula, or a close friend or another family member. Read more about how to choose your birth partner in our article.

How many birth partners can I have?

It depends on where you choose to give birth and what you want. For example, some women ask a family member as well as their partner to be there. Some hospitals and birth centres may restrict the number of birth partners you can have so you'll need to check this with your midwife (Tommy's, 2018).

Having more than one birth partner can help because it can take the pressure off a bit. It can also come in handy if one birth partner needs to take a break, so you still have someone with you. Find out more in our article on choosing your birth partner.

What is the role of a birth partner?

The main role of a birth partner is to support and encourage you during labour and birth. In early labour they can provide you with company and chat. As labour progresses, they can help to keep you calm and comfortable and offer you support by:

providing emotional support like encouragement, praise, reassurance and listening to you

giving you physical support like rubbing your back, wiping a cool flannel on your face or helping you change positions and get more comfortable

providing you with practical support like getting you a drink or making phone calls to keep relatives updated.

(Northern Lincolnshire and Goole, NHS 2015; Which? Birth Choice, 2018)

What is it really like to be a birth partner?

For most birth partners, being there to see a baby being born is a moving experience. Many birth partners say it is one of the most memorable moments of their life. For some it can also be daunting and nerve wracking. Read our article about what it's really like to support a woman during labour.

Plan ahead

The most important thing is to read up on what to expect in labour and decide on the right birth companions and support for you. Think about what type of labour you would like, who you would like to be with you and how you would like them to support you. You'll also want to discuss it with them in advance.

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How birth partners can support labour | Labour & birth articles & support | NCT

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Having a birth partner or doula can help a woman to feel more in control and better supported during labour. Find out about more about the role of a birth partner.

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Whether it's your partner, daughter or friend due to give birth, it's an honour to be asked to be a birth partner. Yet this exciting role can also be daunting. Here we discuss some top tips to help you get ready.

You'll find a whole number of ways you can help support the mum-to-be during labour (NHS Choices, 2017a). One place to start is by talking to them in advance about their expectations of you - ask them how they'd like you to support them. This will help you both feel more prepared ahead of the birth and confident in your role as birth partner (NHS Choices, 2017b).

Watch this video for tips on how to support your partner during labour.

1. Be prepared

Birth partners should be prepared and ready. The weeks around their due date are not a good time to book an impromptu holiday or be in a meeting with your mobile phone switched off.

You should talk through their birth plan (if you have one) with the mum-to-be well in advance. Attending birth classes like an NCT course together can help you learn about what to expect in labour (Which? Birth Choice, 2018). Classes will also help you write a birth plan if you want one (Which? Birth Choice, 2018).

Ask the woman if there are any specific ways they would like you to support them during labour and the birth. Also ask about any no-go areas. And know your limits too - if there are bits of the birth you prefer not to get hands on with, make it clear beforehand. For example, let her know if you don't want to help cut the baby's umbilical cord.

If you're planning to use any new kit during labour like a TENS machine, make sure you test it out ahead of time and know how to use it.

2. Be there and know what she wants

The number one thing you can do for a woman in labour is be there as continuous support for them and help them with whatever they need at the time. Research has shown that having a familiar birth partner present throughout labour can help improve the birth experience (Bohren et al, 2017).

Whether that's simply being there to hold her hand, or offering moral support and bringing some positive energy to the room (NHS, 2017b). Try to talk about what emotional, physical and practical support she would like too. Help her write down a birth plan or talk through it if she would like to. That way, you know her preferred birth choices like the back of your hand.

3. Provide company

During the early stages of labour you can help keep her company, make sure she is comfortable and help pass the time together.

You might be able to go for a walk together in the early stages of labour, watch television, listen to music or read together.

You can assist with whatever helps the mum-to-be feel comfy. She might like you to help her to bath, you could fetch her some relaxing creature comforts, or give her a hand to keep moving.

You'll also need a break. Make sure you bring some snacks for you too and wear comfy clothes to keep yourself in top form (Northern Lincolnshire and Goole NHS, 2015).

4. Give her practical support

You can help in lots of practical ways. You could drive the mum-to-be to the hospital, carrying her hospital bag and helping her check into the birthing suite or hospital (NHS, 2017b).

When you get there, you could do things like helping her to move around the room and change positions. She might love you to give her a back rub or get her a cup of tea.

If she is planning a home birth you can help set up everything she needs at home, whether that's a birthing pool or somewhere comfy for the mum-to-be. On the day you could offer to get the mum-to-be a hot drink and make phone calls to keep family updated.

The key here is to discuss and plan in advance what practical support she would like you to provide.

5. Provide emotional support

As the mum-to-be's labour progresses and contractions get stronger you can be her rock, comforting and reassuring her. Simple gestures like holding or squeezing her hand and giving positive words of encouragement can really help.

6. Support her physically and take care of yourself

You can encourage the mum-to-be to keep active during labour and help her move about or change positions so she feels more comfortable (NHS, 2017b). You could also offer to massage her back and shoulders, wipe her face with a cold flannel, or simply give her a reassuring hug. You might also find you need to back off a bit if she needs space. Ask what she'd prefer.

To continue to support the mum-to-be well during labour, you also need to be on top form. You might be supporting and providing comfort to her for a long time. You may even find you haven't slept all night and are extremely tired.

So take time out if you need it - whether that's going for a quick toilet break, getting a hot drink or stepping out to make a phone call. Make sure you bring snacks and wear comfy clothes (Northern Lincolnshire and Goole NHS, 2015).

7. Listen to her

Try to really listen to what she needs on the day. It can be easier said than done but you will need to be intuitive and try and understand what she needs and when. Especially if she is in too much pain to express it well herself.

Be aware that her needs might change as her labour progresses. At times during labour, the mum-to-be might like emotional and physical support. Yet there might be other times when she would like to be left alone to help her focus.

8. Be confident, encourage and motivate

If you are upbeat and confident in a woman's ability to give birth, this will help encourage and support her.

Words are powerful. You can help your partner stay motivated during labour by offering words of encouragement. Tell her how much you love her, how well she is doing. Also respect her wishes if she asks you to be quiet.

Encourage her to use any relaxation and breathing techniques you have learnt, perhaps by doing them with her. She might not be able to see what is happening as the baby is being born. So help to motivate her by telling her what is happening and when you can see the baby's head.

9. Be an advocate

You might need to express the mum-to-be's needs to the midwife or doctor (NHS, 2017b). So help to explain to the health professional what she would like. You might also need to explain to her any new information from the health professionals.

Support the mum-to-be's decisions, even if they're different from what's in her birth plan. She might want to choose a different type of pain relief, for example.

10. Be flexible

Be prepared to be flexible. No two labours are the same and, although you can prepare, you will need to adapt to whatever is working or not working during labour. It's possible that everything will go to plan but you might also find that an urgent medical situation arises and alters the course of the labour.

If this happens, tell the mum-to-be what's happening if you can and continue to encourage and reassure her. This will help her feel more in control of the situation.

You might be waiting a long time for her labour to progress, or you may have to make quick decisions based on medical advice and her best interests. Be prepared to be flexible on the day and go with the flow.

Give yourself a pat on the back too

Being a birth partner can be an incredibly rewarding experience. Yet it can also be nerve wracking and emotionally draining.

As well as congratulating the mum-to-be on their new arrival, don't forget to take some time out for yourself afterwards and talk to a friend about it. Make sure you give yourself some recognition for the part you have played in the baby's birth too.

Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700.

We also offer antenatal courses which are a great way to find out more about birth, labour and life with a new baby.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

Find out more about NCT Doulas and how they can during labour. NCT Doulas provide women, and their partners, with skilled physical and emotional assistance during labour. They have up-to-date knowledge and information about labour and birth and help provide encouragement to woman. This helps enable them to have the type of labour and birth they would like. NCT Doulas are qualified professionals who have completed a professional Doula UK course, developed by NCT in partnership with the University of Worcester.

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Ten tips for birth partners | Labour & birth articles & support | NCT

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Birth partners can help a woman feel supported in labour and make the experience more positive. Here are some top tips for being a brilliant birth partner.

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New parents need time to adjust to their new roles. Life may change dramatically, especially for a ﬁrst time mother-many women say they didn't feel prepared for the emotional upheaval they experienced on becoming a mother. Even experienced mothers can have difﬁculties juggling the needs of the new baby with those of older children.

At this time a pair of practical helping hands can make a big difference by allowing a mother time to recover from the birth and establish breastfeeding. In the early days, a baby will probably want to breastfeed a lot of the time they are awake. At this stage, a mother may only be managing to eat, sleep and nurse the baby.

This is normal. At ﬁrst their mother and nursing will be at the centre of a baby's world. The security of a baby's bond with their mother is the basis for all other relationships. A breastfeeding mother generally feels an intense connection with her baby, both emotionally and physically, due to breastfeeding hormones and the practical need to stay close to nurse her baby.

This way, babies get what they need to thrive. A baby's wants are a baby's needs-they can't wait like an adult can. By meeting your baby's needs a mother gives them a secure attachment so they can develop into a conﬁdent child.

Why breastfeed?
When can a baby start eating solid food?
When will a baby sleep through the night?
When does breastfeeding stop?
Support for mothers is important
Ways to support a breastfeeding mother
What breastfeeding mothers say when asked what would help
What about partners?
What about dads?
Two women having a baby
What about other family members?
What about visitors?
Other ways to help
When a mum has no support

Why breastfeed?

Breastmilk has everything a growing baby needs in exactly the right amounts and is easy to digest. Research shows that a baby who is not breastfed is more likely to suffer from health problems, both as a child and throughout adulthood. Infant formula increases a child's risk of (amongst many other health problems): SIDS, Cancer, Obesity, Diabetes, and Allergies.

See Amazing milk for more information.

What about breastfeeding in public places?

Babies often want to breastfeed when people around them are eating and drinking-and why not? Mothers breastfeed in many public places and tend to be so discreet you may not even have noticed.

Breastfeeding is also convenient when a mother is out and about. She can spot early feeding cues and offer a feed before her baby gets frantic-well before those around her are even aware. After all, no one notices a baby nestled in mum's arms but a crying baby guarantees an audience!

When can a baby start eating solid food?

Breastmilk is a complete food so a healthy baby needs only breastmilk until about the middle of the ﬁrst year. There's no beneﬁt to be found in introducing solid foods before this time. If a baby seems hungry, more breastmilk usually does the trick-mothers could breastfeed more often, offering both sides. Many babies who start on solid foods from around six months quickly learn to feed themselves and enjoy sitting up with the family at mealtimes.

See Starting Solid Food.

When will a baby sleep through the night?

A baby will need to breastfeed during the night for a number of months to ensure they take in enough milk and to maintain their mother's milk production. Just as there's no ﬁxed age for when a baby is ready to walk or talk, there's no real way of knowing when they will be ready to sleep through the night. Consider whether you sleep through the night now? Many adults wake, turn over and go back to sleep as a matter of course. As a baby grows their sleep cycles will naturally get longer. In the meantime, they will wake and be likely to need the comfort of mother, her co-parent or other family member's presence to help them relax and fall back to sleep.

What about bottles and dummies? Bottles or dummies can confuse a baby's sucking technique, so if a supplement is needed, a spoon, ﬂexible feeding cup or syringe can be used. Giving formula affects a mother's milk production since a baby will take less breastmilk. Some mothers express milk for their partner, or another support person, to give but expressing takes more effort than simply breastfeeding. If a mother is ﬁnding night feeding exhausting you could encourage her to rest during the day, to try feeding lying down and to keep baby close at night so she doesn't have to get up. See our page on Safer Sleep for more information.

When does breastfeeding stop?

When does a baby's need to use nappies or a highchair stop? It's all very individual. It doesn't usually help to push children on to the next stage until they are ready. Breastmilk is just as nutritious as it was when they were tiny and it still protects them from infection. There is no evidence that continuing to breastfeed makes a toddler clingy-in fact the opposite may be the case. A toddler may seem big but emotionally they are still a baby. It's easier on mother and baby to let breastfeeding end gradually.

Breastfeeding bonuses

Nothing compares with breastmilk for growing healthy, clever babies.

No getting up to prepare bottles during the night.

Your baby's nappies won't smell bad.

No feeding equipment and expensive formula to buy for your baby.

Less to take with you when you go out with your baby.

Support for mothers is important

One very real problem is that many mothers don't receive enough support in the early days and months, and simply try to do too much. Most mothers who stop breastfeeding before they want to cite lack of support as the reason. They need time to recover and adjust, especially after a difﬁcult birth. Caring for a newborn really is a full time job, and that's before you add in essential jobs around the house and caring for any older children. All mothers need practical help and support.

The biggest challenges for all mothers are:

Getting enough sleep.

Keeping up with basic housework.

Lack of emotional support.

Isolation

The help you give can make a lot of difference to a new mother, especially when her baby seems to be nursing all the time and is waking at night. Be sensitive to her needs. What you can offer and do will partly depend on whether you are a friend or family member, and the closeness of your relationship. Some mothers will want more practical help, others more emotional help-and a mother may have strong views on what help she will accept and from whom.

Ways to support a breastfeeding mother

You may be her partner, the baby's dad or mum, a family member or friend. All mothers need support, and whatever your relationship to her there are things you can do to help.

With baby:

Walks in the fresh air. Consider wearing baby in a sling or other carrier.

Go out and about; babies are social people.

Read and sing to baby-they'll love hearing your voice.

Take a bath together, or bathe them in the baby bath. Many babies love bathtime!

Sleep with them. Visit our page on Safer Sleep and the Breastfed Baby.

Hold them on your chest while they nap to help your baby feel safe and relaxed.

Nappy changes are perfect for games and chat.

Talk to your baby about things around the house.

Take your baby to their mother whenever they need her.

Use the Magic Baby Hold: with your baby's back against your front, bring your left arm over their left shoulder (one arm on either side of yours), and hold their right thigh.

Try other comfort techniques.

Jiggle and sway. Babies tend to like side- to- side motion.

For the breastfeeding mother:

Make sure she has food and drinks.

Cut her food up for her if she's holding the baby!

Hold the baby so she can take a shower.

Help her get good help if she needs it.

Guard against too many visitors. Let others know when you need to be alone. Protect mum and baby from over-enthusiastic visitors and callers, and try to ensure you all have some peaceful uninterrupted time together. Turn off the phone and put a 'do not disturb' sign on the front door.

Look after older children. Provide fun activities and opportunity for exercise. Try to meet their needs for attention, sleep and healthy food.

Fight off any pressure to separate mum and baby. Help mum and baby spend lots of time snuggling together in the hours and days after birth.

What breastfeeding mothers say when asked what would help

"The best presents for a new mum are home cooked meals frozen in take away tubs- ready meals but real food!"
"Order a box set & takeaway!"
"I need friends supporting me, sharing laughter and tears, coffee and cake"
"Make sure I have water, muslin, remote control, phone, book & cake"
"Bring me snacks that are tasty, healthy and one-handed!"
"When it's really hot and my baby is going through a growth spurt, bring me long, cool glasses of water!"
"The best way anyone can help is by taking care of the pile of washing up!"
"Call me during the day to say 'Hi!' and ask how I'm doing""Please don't try and give my baby formula, the moment you do you undermine my confidence in my body's ability to sustain my baby"
"Give me support & encouragement and tell people who criticise or question me that I'm doing ok"
"Don't tell me it is 'normal' and that I should persevere if I am in pain"
"Pass me the phone with a breastfeeding counsellor on the other end if I'm in pain"
"Never say 'well you are breastfeeding' when I say I'm tired"
"Tell me it's ok to take one feed at a time"
"Give me a thumbs up!"
"Tell me my baby is beautiful""Take my older children to the park"

Below is lots of information about supporting a breastfeeding mother, divided into different sections. You may find useful information in all of the sections regardless of your own role and relationship to mum and baby.

What about partners?
Your baby doesn't need you to feed them.* So what can you do? Anything else! You are The Safe Person Who Is Not Mum.
Whether or not you are your baby's biological parent, and whatever your family looks like, your partner needs your support. In the early days, your baby will probably want to breastfeed a lot of the time they are awake. At this stage, your partner may only be managing to eat, sleep and nurse the baby. This is normal.

At first their mother and nursing will be the centre of your baby's world. Don't worry if you find you don't get to hold your baby for long before their mum is needed again. A baby's bond with their mother is the basis for all other relationships. Encouraging the closeness with mum will strengthen their love for you later. Soon that tiny baby will be reaching out to the rest of the world. They will want all the fun and excitement you can give!

You are different. Your shape, voice, hands, and smell are different. You hold baby differently. You teach them that different can be good, and when they are frazzled you may be just the difference that your baby needs needs.

As life settles down you and your partner will probably both need time to adjust to your new roles as parents. Many women say they didn't feel prepared for the emotional upheaval they experienced on becoming a mother. You'll also find lots of changes in your life.

Breastfeeding mothers often feel an intense connection with their baby, both emotionally and physically, due to breastfeeding hormones and the practical need to stay close to feed the baby. It can be easy to feel a bit left out of this. Try to get involved in practical ways. It will help you bond with your baby-your partner will love you for it and so will your baby.

You may both find that your baby becomes central to your life-their needs being met before either of yours. This is nature's way of ensuring babies get what they need to thrive.

Your first job is to support breastfeeding, not compete with it. A "relief bottle" may seem helpful, but it's more likely to cause breastfeeding problems and health risks for baby. Protect your partner from criticism and tell her she's doing a good job. Protect your partner from well meaning but unhelpful advice that undermines breastfeeding-even if it comes from your own mum!

Admire and praise your baby's mother. Your love and encouragement will work wonders. Firmly resist pressures to feed baby anything other than mum's own milk before he is six months old. Your baby doesn't need other foods until they can sit up and begin to feed themselves. Even then, breastmilk carries on being an important food for older babies and toddlers.

*Some non-gestational mothers do breastfeed their babies. See the section Two women having a baby

What about dads?

Dads feel different, they often have deep voices and a different smell. They move and hold a baby differently. At the end of a long day, dad, with all his special differences, can be just what baby and mother need. Dads are fun and have a special gift for playing with babies. They play the sort of exciting games babies enjoy. Your baby will adore your singing and funny noises (even if mum doesn't). And you'll probably enjoy your baby's toys as much as he does! Dads are just as good at cuddles as mums. A great way to comfort your baby is to use a carrier-babies usually love them and it's a handy way to settle your baby. At times when your baby is fussy or uncomfortable and nothing else works, the colic hold is a dad's speciality.

Caring for your baby teaches them that love comes from interacting with people as well as from food.

Try some of suggestions in the section above Ways to support a breastfeeding mother.

You can support your baby's mother by making the most of your paternity leave. Take as long as you can manage. Take it when the mother and baby would otherwise be at home alone. Concentrate just on the needs of mum, baby and any other children. Let everything else wait.

Meet your baby's need for you. Your baby needs you to be a dad, not a substitute mother. Spend time with your baby and enjoy your unique father-baby relationship.

Two women having a baby

For lesbian couples, if you're the non-gestational parent you may feel left out - especially if you have to explain you are the baby's mother too. Finding support for yourself and your breastfeeding partner is important. Your partner and your baby need you now, and your baby will need you more and more as they grow. You could be entitled to paid leave although your employer may not be aware of this, there are resources in Further Reading that might help.

In some couples two mothers do share breastfeeding; others find different ways to connect, you'll find lots of ideas in the section above Ways to support a breastfeeding mother.

Deciding to share breastfeeding, and how you do that, are personal decisions. You can read about how one couple shared breastfeeding here:

You will find resources in Further Reading, or contact your local LLL Leader who can help you talk about your options.

What about other family members?

Is the new baby in your family breastfed? New research has shown that breastfeeding is important for the baby's health and development and for the mother's health, both now and in the future. It's even good for the environment.

Research has found that breastfeeding works best when the baby is fed in response to hunger cues, not on a schedule. That's usually quite frequently, especially in the beginning. Fortunately, you can't feed too often.

Sore nipples aren't an expected part of breastfeeding; they are a sign that something isn't quite right. With some expert help, the mother should soon be breastfeeding comfortably.

Most medical experts, including the NHS and the World Health Organization, recommend that babies be breastfed exclusively- no formula or solid foods- for six months or so, and continue breastfeeding with solid foods added to their diet into these toddler years-even two years or more.

Much of this may be different from what you learned when you had your own babies. But guess what hasn't changed? New mothers still need lots of help, lots of support, and lots of loving family members around to prepare meals or throw in a load of laundry. They need people to be patient with them as they figure out both breastfeeding and motherhood. And babies still need their grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, siblings and other family members to love them. Your practical help and support are a golden investment in your family's future, and in your lives together.

What about visitors?

Prioritise tasks: the needs of people are best dealt with before housework. Avoid trying to take over baby care or expecting to be entertained when you visit. Concentrate on 'mothering the mother' and helping with household jobs.

Offer practical help with housework and essential tasks: grocery shopping, laundry, preparing meals or providing a meal that can simply be reheated, leaving her a sandwich lunch, washing up and cleaning the kitchen, t idying and vacuuming.

Bring her the things she needs while nursing: eg drinks, snacks, pillows, books, the TV remote, her mobile.

Make her a drink and offer your company for a while.

Tell her how well she's doing.

Listen if she is feeling worried, tired, or overwhelmed. She might find it easier to talk to you about her worries than to close family.

Help her ﬁnd another mother to talk to.

Help with the baby and any older children: changing nappies; care for the baby while mum sleeps, goes to the loo, takes a short walk or a bath.

Entertain and care for older children. Perhaps take them out for a walk, to the park or invite them round to play with your children. Help with the school run or taking older children to after school activities.

Other ways to help

Welcome breastfeeding so the mum feels comfortable nursing in your presence, be a breastfeeding advocate. Avoid undermining her conﬁdence by asking negative questions like, "Are you sure the baby is getting enough to eat?" or, "Why aren't they sleeping through the night yet?". Offer a sympathetic ear rather than advice when she complains or seems tired-try to support and encourage.

Find out about what is normal for nursing babies of different ages. Remember that breastfeeding problems have breastfeeding solutions. Bottles or weaning are rarely the answer.

Encourage or help the mum to ﬁnd the support she needs. Mothers can easily get skilled help from an LLL Leader by calling our Helpline.
An offer to take the mother to her local LLL group when she feels ready may be very welcome. It can be hard to get out of the house when you have a new baby.

Many mothers will appreciate having someone familiar with them when they go to a new group for the ﬁrst time, and any woman is welcome at meetings. Some groups may also run meetings for couples.

When a mum has no support

LLL meetings are a great place to meet other mothers and to share experiences. If there is no LLL group in your area you may be able to attend online meetings, and join Facebook groups to get support and share experiences with other breastfeeding mums. Contact us for details.

Homestart are a national charity who help families with young children. Their website has lots of practical ideas and stories, and also details of how to contact Homestart in your area.

Your Health Visitor will have details of local activities including post natal groups. Libraries and playgroups are good places to meet other mums.

If you, or a mum you are supporting, is feeling depressed or down you might find useful information on our Adjusting To Motherhood page.

Written by mothers of LLLGB and adapted by Ellen Mateer. The original text of Supporting a Breastfeeding Mother was sponsored by Jill Welsh in memory of her mother, Rose Wesby, who encouraged her to breastfeed and showed her the gentle art of mothering.

Further Reading
Amazing Milk
Beginning Breastfeeding
Comfortable Breastfeeding
Caesarean Birth & Breatsfeeding
Dummies & Breastfeeding
Is My Baby Getting Enough Milk
Out and About With Your Breastfed Baby
Parenting when you partners breastfeeds
Rhythms & Routines
Safe Sleep and the Breastfed Baby
Smoking & Breastfeeding
Starting Solid Food
Relactation & Induced Lactation
Mothers on ... support from our nearest & dearest
LLL's father concept - it's not just about dads!
Relactation and Induced Lactation
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding LLLI. London: Pinter & Martin, 2010.

Other online Information
Breastfeeding in a Same-Sex (Female) Relationship
Induced Lactation and the Newman-Goldfarb Protocols for Induced Lactation
Breastfeeding Without Birthing

The information on this page is adapted from Supporting a Breastfeeding Mother and Parenting when your partner breastfeeds which are available to buy in printed form from our shop.

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Supporting a Breastfeeding Mother - La Leche League GB

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New parents need time to adjust to their new roles. Life may change dramatically, especially for a ﬁrst time mother-many women say they didn't feel prepared for the emotional upheaval they experienced on becoming a mother. Even experienced mothers can have difﬁculties juggling the needs of the new baby with those of older children.

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Birthing4Blokes, Leicester, United Kingdom. 5,573 likes · 1 talking about this. Birthing4Blokes provides men with everything they need to be fully prepared for birth.

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The mental pain is shared by both mother and father. An article about miscarriage from a male perspective

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Miscarriage is often spoken about by women. Of course, women endure the physical pain of passing an 'inviable foetus'. But the mental pain is shared by both mother and father. Here, Papa Pukka speaks of miscarriage from a male perspective
Do not say, 'at least we can get pregnant'. What you're really saying is 'I did my bit,' even if you don't realise it.

Do not suggest that, 'it's kind of like a heavy period' because it happened in the first trimester and the internet told you it was no bigger than a peanut or a poppy seed or an avocado pip.

Do not say, 'it'll work next time,' because those are empty words and you don't know if they're true, and this isn't the same as trying to start a 2002 Ford Fiesta.

Do not say, 'at least it happened early' when she is curled under your arm on the sofa and you have paused Netflix because she started crying. Because it doesn't matter that it was early, it matters that it was there, and no amputee was ever made to feel better by being told they should be grateful for a clean cut.

Do not think that everything is fine because a week has passed and she only took a day off work.

Do not fail to be 'the strong one' when she weeps, weeks later, at coffee spilt on a rug. Or when she stands in the kitchen and with red eyes demands that you get more involved or give her more space, that you cook more or fuss less, that you talk about it properly or stop talking about it entirely.

Do not be 'the strong one' so much that you forget to tell her what you feel, whatever that might be. It might just be that she needs to see you cry to know that it matters to you too.

Do not rush to change channels whenever an infant appears on screen, like you are protecting a child from a horror film.

Do not say, when you discover that you are pregnant for a third time, that this one will 'hang in there,' because this is not a half-time pep talk for a struggling under-9s football team.

Do not fix your features to be blankly supportive whenever she talks to you, because in the end you'll just end up looking like you're talking to an elderly relative.

Do not feel ashamed that you are - on some unspeakable level - a little relieved that you have longer to save money or find a bigger place to live. But do not share that thought, either.

Do not forget about the moments when each pregnancy ended. Like the first time, when she wasn't supposed to be pregnant at all because you'd only been seeing each other for a few weeks, but in that first flush you'd both failed to realise that antibiotics stopped the pill from working. When you spent four hours sitting in a strip-lit corridor in the Hammersmith Hospital, waiting for a female doctor (who looked like she might be about your age) and who confirmed that, 'yes, it looks like you're miscarrying'. The time when the West African nurse said 'I'm afraid it's just about waiting now, dear' and gave you a thin mattress and wool blanket so you could sleep on the floor by her bedside. Until the next night, of course, when she was moved to a ward and you had to leave because, it 'looks like everything has passed.' Which you knew, of course, because in the wee hours when the nurse came to give more pain relief and clean up, you'd seen the butter-bean-sized amniotic sack in the grey cardboard kidney dish that they took away.

Or the second time, years later, when you were drunkenly singing Christmas carols and all wearing novelty jumpers over at a friend's place and she, very sober, came out of the bathroom and said, 'Can we get a taxi home?' even though it was only 9.30pm and you immediately knew and became very sober yourself too but had to keep your big stupid Christmas grin on so you didn't deflate anyone's evening, and just said, 'yeah sorry, we're off, Anna's tired' and went home to lay next to each other and wait because you couldn't do it in a hospital again.

Or the fifth time, when she was at daycare picking up your three-year-old daughter and was late because there was a signal failure on the Tube, and she had to ask to use the staff toilets (even though the staff were reminding her that pick-up was strictly 6pm at the latest and it's 'an extra pound a minute after that'), and she went in to the cubical and knew what was happening but still wasn't ready for the sound of the little splash, like a penny falling in to a wishing well.

Do not let trying stop you from living.

Do not fail to tell trusted friends.

Do not stop talking.

And do not give up on each other.

----
One in six
One in six known pregnancies ends in miscarriage, with about 75% of those coming in the first trimester.

According to pregnancy research organisation Tommy's, one in five UK women who miscarry have anxiety levels similar to people using psychiatric outpatient services. A third of women in the UK who receive specialist miscarriage aftercare are clinically depressed.

Recent research by Imperial College London suggests that four in ten women who miscarry suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder as a result.
www.tommys.org www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk

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A man's guide to miscarriage - Mother Pukka

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A way to bond (and also get a few jobs done at the same time!)

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Being a parent is extremely rewarding however it can also be a demanding and daunting role. At times it is difficult to get daily chores completed when your baby is demanding so much attention. Even making a telephone call can seem a major task when your youngster requires soothing. It is essential that your baby feels happy and content for both your and their emotional well-being. Baby wearing is a great way to offer children your physical presence while allowing you to get on with the everyday tasks. You can keep your baby close and content while providing a stimulating learning environment for them. Baby wearing ensures that you are hands free so that you can make that phone call, do the housework or go for a walk.

If you have other children in your household, a sling can help you to meet their needs, while also offering your baby the stimulation that he needs. This goes a long way to reduce sibling rivalry as your older child sees that you still have time to play with them and fulfil their needs.

Baby wearing is particularly useful when you are out and about, if you are using public transport. No need to fold up a bulky pushchair and carry it on board! A sling provides a safe and secure environment for baby when shopping or in crowds.

Baby wearing allows nursing mothers to breastfeed on the move. You can continue with an active lifestyle even when your youngster is demanding a great deal of satisfying. It is also an excellent way of breastfeeding discreetly while outside the home. Because babies feel comfortable and secure in a sling they are very happy to be fed in their sling and some babies actually feed better on the move.

When worn correctly a sling can ease back and shoulder pain as the babies weight is evenly distributed. It is also a must-have for parents of larger babies who may find the weight of carrying their youngster leads to aching arms and shoulders. Slings can also be useful for times when you are feeling tired but your baby is wide awake. Certain positions are less stimulating for the child and can be sleep inducing.

Using a sling is also a good way for babies to bond with their fathers. Fathers tend to have a different body rhythm to mothers and the baby will learn to appreciate these differences and respond accordingly. Fathers report that baby wearing helps them develop a sense of closeness that taking baby out in a pushchair just can't provide. Mothers suffering from post-natal depression may also find baby wearing a useful yet non-intrusive way of bonding with their baby.

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Being a parent is extremely rewarding however it can also be a demanding and daunting role. At times it is difficult to get daily chores completed when your baby is demanding so much attention. Even making a telephone call can seem a major task when your youngster requires soothing.

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There is help out there, speak to your GP or health visitor

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You should've asked. Illustration: Emma

The French comic artist Emma illustrates the concept of the 'mental load'. When a man expects his partner to ask him to do things, he is viewing her as the manager of their household chores

Fri 26 May 2017 08.00 EDT Last modified on Fri 9 Dec 2022 12.03 EST

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French comic artist Emma introduces the concept of the mental load. When a man expects his partner to ask him to do things, he is viewing her as the manager of their household chores

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Dads play a key role in the care of their baby. A survey of over 500 dads by The Lullaby Trust revealed that only 32% of new and expectant dads have been given safer sleep information by a health professional so we have created this dedicated page filled with everything you need to know.

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A resource aimed at New Dads; recommended by Health Visitors and Midwives across BSW. (FREE in BaNES, Swindon & Wiltshire with postcode)

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I was a bit scared when we found out we were having a baby, obviously happy, but a bit scared and in the beginning I was a bit clueless. The child development part is my favourite bit, but there's things in there, like things about mental health, that I didn't know about and that I didn't know you needed to know about.

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The Perinatal Dad is a report by the Fatherhood Institute's Head of Training, Jeszemma Howl, drawing on research she undertook - thanks to a Winston Churchill Memorial Trust Fellowship - with the aim of exploring and examining the very best offer to families, that engages the father in the perinatal period and supports women to breastfeed for as they want to.
The report is designed to be a useful tool to help commissioners, managers, staff, researchers and policy makers who are invested in increasing the continuation of breastfeeding rates consider strengthening the effectiveness of the support and information given to both mothers and fathers at this golden yet vulnerable time. The report also highlights the need to engage fathers in the perinatal period, looking at the barriers and opportunities, reflecting families' wishes and creating 'Mother-focussed, Family-inclusive' services. It includes the following elements:

The Report: Exploring and examining the evidence found during the Fellowship travels, including recommendations and key questions for the UK

The Five Point Checklist, informed by this research, the survey of fathers (2019) and conversations with staff and mangers in health and family services, is designed to support and improve family well-being by helping services assess existing services, and create a mother-focused, family inclusive approach to breast feeding support.

Tips for Fathers is a short, downloadable handout to use in breastfeeding support as a conversation starter with fathers.

Survey Results from the 2019 online survey of 95 UK fathers

Tags: Breastfeeding, Fathers and breastfeeding, Infant nutrition, Maternity, New fathers, Parenting education, Perinatal, Postnatal

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The Perinatal Dad - Engaging Fathers in the Perinatal Period to Support Breastfeeding: The Fatherhood Institute

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The Perinatal Dad is a report by the Fatherhood Institute's Head of Training, Jeszemma Howl, drawing on research she undertook - thanks to a Winston Churchill Memorial Trust Fellowship - with the aim of exploring and examining the very best offer to families, that engages the father in the perinatal period and supports women to breastfeed for as they want to.

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This information sheet is for new and expectant fathers and partners, including same sex partners. It covers rights to time off and pay at the birth and for the first year of your baby's life.

Who do these rights apply to?

The rights in this information sheet apply to the biological father as well as the mother's husband, partner or civil partner, including same sex partners. Parental Leave (which is different from paternity leave and shared parental leave) can also be taken by anyone who has a parental responsibility order for a child, see below for more on parental leave.

These rights apply regardless of whether you work full time or part time and regardless of whether you have a permanent or fixed term contract, as long as you meet the normal qualifying conditions.

You must be an employee to qualify for leave but agency and zero hours contract workers can qualify for statutory pay, if you meet the normal qualifying conditions and take time off after the birth, see below. For more information for workers on a zero hours contract see: Zero hours contracts - maternity and parental rights.

If you are refused these rights because your employer says that you are self-employed, freelance or a contract worker, you should get advice about your employment status or talk to your union, if you have one.

Time off for antenatal appointments for fathers and partners
Can I take time off to accompany my spouse/ partner to antenatal appointments?
Fathers and partners who are employees have a legal right to take unpaid time off work to accompany their spouse/partner to up to two antenatal appointments.

You are entitled to take a maximum of 6.5 hours per appointment, including travelling and waiting time. Any additional time can be taken as annual leave. Some employers offer paid time off and employers can offer more time off than the legal minimum, so check your contract or ask your employer.

Your employer can ask you to provide a written declaration saying that:

you are the spouse/partner (including civil partner or same sex partner) of the mother or the baby's father,

you are taking time off to accompany her to an antenatal appointment,

the appointment is made on the advice of a registered medical practitioner, midwife or nurse, and

the date and time of the appointment.

You should discuss with your employer which antenatal appointments you wish to attend, for example, you may only wish to attend scans or you may need to attend more appointments if there are particular concerns or tests. If your employer does not provide paid leave, you could ask if you can work at home for part of the day or make up the time later. Alternatively, you could take paid annual leave.

If you are refused time off for antenatal appointments you can make a complaint in an employment tribunal within three months (less one day) from the date of the appointment. You should contact ACAS first.

Paternity Leave and Shared Parental Leave
What is paternity leave and shared parental leave?
Employees can take two weeks' paternity leave (PL) at the time of the birth, if you meet the qualifying conditions. You have the right to return to exactly the same job. You must give your employer the correct notice in order to qualify for paternity leave. You cannot take longer for a multiple birth.

If you want more time off you can take shared parental leave (SPL) if you are entitled to it, or unpaid Parental Leave, see below. Fathers and partners do not have an individual entitlement to SPL, you are only entitled to it if the mother reduces her maternity leave/pay.
Can I take paternity leave (PL) or shared parental leave (SPL)?
You can only take PL if you are an employee. Self-employed, agency, freelance and casual workers are not entitled to PL but may still qualify for Statutory Paternity Pay, see Statutory Paternity Pay below.

You are usually an employee if the following arrangements exist at your work:

your employer deducts tax and National Insurance from your pay

your employer controls the work you do, when and how you do it

your employer provides all the equipment for your work

your employer must provide work for you and you must accept it

To qualify for PL and/or SPL you must:

have been employed by your employer for 26 weeks by the 15th week before the baby is due or, if the baby is born before then, you would have worked for your employer for 26 weeks by the 15th week before the baby is due.

be employed by the same employer up to the birth (for PL) and up to the week before the start of SPL (if you want to take SPL).

be the biological father or the mother's husband or partner (including same sex partners).

be responsible for the child and be taking time off to care for the child or support the mother.

When can I take paternity leave?
You can take one week or two weeks in a row but not odd days or two separate weeks. Paternity leave must be taken within 56 days of the birth. If the baby is born before the expected week, paternity leave can be taken any time from the actual date of birth up to 56 days from the date the baby would have been due.

Paternity leave can start on any day of the week. You can choose to start your leave on:

the day the baby is born, or

a fixed number of days/weeks after the birth, or

a fixed date after the day the baby is due.

If you choose to start your leave on the day the baby is born and you are at work that day, your leave will start the following day.
When can I take shared paternity leave (SPL)?
You can take SPL at any time from the end of your paternity leave up to the child's first birthday. You can take SPL at the same time as the mother or separately.
Are paternity leave and shared parental leave paid?
You may qualify for Statutory Paternity Pay (SPP) or Statutory Shared Parental Pay (ShPP) which are both paid at the rate of £172.48 per week (April 2023 - April 2024) or 90% of average earnings if that is less.

Some employers offer fully or partially paid paternity leave and/or shared parental leave to top up the statutory pay so you should check your contract or ask your employer.
Can I get Statutory Paternity Pay (SPP) or Statutory Shared Parental Pay (ShPP)?
You can get SPP and/or ShPP if:

you are the baby's father or the husband/partner of the mother and you are responsible for the baby's upbringing.

you have been employed by your employer for 26 weeks by the 15th week before the baby is due or, if the baby is born before then, you would have worked for your employer for 26 weeks by the 15th week before the baby is due.

you are still employed by the same employer up to the day your child is born (for SPP) or up to the week before the start of ShPP (for ShPP).

you earn at least the weekly lower earnings limit on average (before tax) (currently £123) in the eight weeks (if paid weekly) or two months (if paid monthly) before the 15th week before your baby is born.

You must give the correct notice to get paternity pay, see below. If you want to take SPL/ShPP, both parents must qualify and give the correct notice.

If you do agency, casual or freelance work, you may not be regarded as an 'employee' so you will not qualify for paternity leave, which gives you the right to return to the same job, however, you can still get SPP if your employer deducts tax and NI from your wages, usually through PAYE, and you meet the conditions above for SPP. If you are from abroad you are entitled to SPP/ShPP if you meet the normal qualifying conditions.

SPP/ShPP are not classed as 'public funds' and will not affect future immigration applications.
Can I get Statutory Shared Paternity Pay (ShPP) if I take shared parental leave?
If you meet the qualifying conditions for SPP, you will also meet the qualifying conditions for ShPP providing you are still employed by your employer up to the start of the shared parental leave period that you wish to take and the mother reduces her maternity leave/pay period to 'create' shared parental leave/pay for you to take.

For full details of ShPP, see the information sheet Shared Parental Leave and Pay.
Can my employer ask me to pay SPP/ShPP back if I do not go back to work?
No, all employers can claim the SPP and/or ShPP back from HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC). You do not have to repay it if you do not go back to work for your employer, for example, if you resign or are dismissed or made redundant at any time after the start of your paternity leave and/or SPL. Your employer can get help and advice about paying and reclaiming SPP/ShPP from the HMRC Employer Helpline on 0300 200 3200.
What can I do if my employer refuses to pay SPP/ShPP?
If you are refused SPP or your employer dismisses you to avoid payment of SPP/ShPP, you can contact your local HM Revenue and Customs Office for a formal decision. If your employer refuses to pay SPP/ ShPP or cannot pay it e.g. they have gone into liquidation, you can contact the HMRC Statutory Payments Disputes Team on 0300 322 9422, see Where to go for more help below.
What happens if my baby is stillborn or dies after birth?
You remain entitled to PL if your baby is stillborn after the end of the 24 th week of pregnancy (in or after the 16 th week before the expected week of childbirth). The date of stillbirth is the date your baby was delivered. You also remain entitled to PL if your baby died after the birth.

If your baby dies after you have booked a period of SPL or while you are on SPL, you are entitled to take the SPL.

For more advice see our information sheet: Miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death - rights to time off and pay
When do I have to give notice to take paternity leave and/or pay?
To get paternity leave you MUST give your employer notice in or before the 15th week before your baby is due. If your employer asks you to, you must put it in writing. To get SPP you must give your employer at least 28 days' notice of the date you want to start your pay or you can give notice for leave and pay together in the 15 th week before your baby is due. For full details of how to give notice for paternity leave and pay, see Time off for Working Parents.

If you want to take SPL you MUST give your employer at least eight weeks' notice and provide a notice of intention and entitlement to take SPL, a booking notice and a signed declaration from you and the mother, see Shared Parental Leave and Pay for more full details on how to get SPL and ShPP.

Rights at work for new parents
What are my rights during paternity leave or shared parental leave?
You are entitled to all your normal contractual terms and conditions apart from your basic wages or salary (as you may qualify for paternity pay). Benefits such as share schemes, a company car or mobile phone (unless provided for business use only) continue during paternity leave. You continue to accrue annual leave as normal. Your employer must continue to pay your pension contributions based on your normal salary but any contributions you pay should be based on the paternity pay you actually receive.

You are still regarded as continuing in employment during paternity leave and SPL so your length of service should be treated as continuous.

You have the right to return to exactly the same job on the same terms and conditions after paternity leave.

If you are returning to work after a period SPL, you are entitled to return to the same job if you have taken up to 26 weeks leave on aggregate (including paternity leave and SPL). If you have taken more than 26 weeks leave on aggregate you are entitled to be offered the same job but, if it is not reasonably practicable to return to the same job, your employer can offer a suitable alternative job.

If you take unpaid Parental Leave (see below) of four weeks or more immediately after paternity leave or SPL your employer can offer a suitable alternative job if it is not reasonably practicable to allow you to return to the same job.
What happens if I am made redundant during paternity leave or shared parental leave?
If you are made redundant during PL or SPL your leave will end on the day your contract ends. You will still be entitled to continue to receive SPP or ShPP unless you start work for a new employer. If your employer goes into liquidation you can still claim any unpaid statutory redundancy pay from the Insolvency Service and any unpaid SPP/ShPP from HMRC Statutory Payment Disputes Team (see below for contact details).

However, if your contract ends before the birth you will not be entitled to SPP and if your contract ends before the start of your SPL you will not be entitled to ShPP.

If you are selected for redundancy because you have taken or are about to take paternity leave and/or SPL you may have a claim for unfair dismissal and you should seek legal advice. You need to be employed for two years to bring a claim for ordinary unfair dismissal, however, you can bring a claim for automatic unfair dismissal on the grounds of paternity leave or shared parental leave from day one of your employment.

If you are facing redundancy during SPL, you have the right to be offered a suitable alternative vacancy if one exists, with priority over other employees.

For more information on redundancy during maternity and parental leave, see: Redundancy during pregnancy, maternity and parental leave.
Can I take more time off?
Parental Leave
You can take Parental Leave (this is different from shared parental leave). Parental Leave is usually unpaid but you should check your contract of employment or ask your employer. Parental Leave allows you to take 18 weeks' leave, per parent, per child, up to your child's 18 th birthday. This right comes from the EU Parental Leave Directive.

You are entitled to Parental Leave as long as you are an employee and you have been employed by the same employer for at least a year. You must give your employer at least 21 days' notice, in writing, of the date you want to start your leave and how much leave you want to take. Your employer can only ask you to postpone your Parental Leave if it would cause undue disruption to the business. You are protected against dismissal, redundancy and unfair treatment on the grounds of Parental Leave. For more information on Parental Leave, see Time off for Working Parents.
Annual Leave
If you want to take paid leave you can ask your employer to take annual leave. You should follow your employer's normal leave procedure. All workers are entitled to at least 28 days paid annual leave per year (this can include Bank Holidays). Your employer can ask you to take your leave at another time but they must allow you to be able to use all your annual leave in each leave year.
Sick leave
If you are not well enough to return to work after paternity leave, SPL or Parental Leave you can take sick leave in the normal way and should follow your employer's normal sickness reporting procedures.
What happens if I need time off to care for the mother or baby?
You can take emergency time off if:

a dependant falls ill, gives birth or is injured and needs your assistance.

you need to make arrangements for the care of a dependant who is ill or

there is a sudden disruption of arrangements for the care of a dependant.

there is an unexpected incident at school involving your child (when the school has responsibility for your child).

your dependant dies.

Emergency time off for dependants is usually unpaid but some employers allow some paid leave for family emergencies.

You should let your employer know as soon as reasonably practicable that you need to take time off. You are only entitled to take the time off necessary to deal with the emergency and make arrangements for the mother or child's care.

If you need more time off you will need to take annual leave or give notice to take Parental Leave.

You are protected against unfair treatment on the grounds of time off for dependants. For more information, see Time off for Working Parents.
Can I change my working hours or go part-time to fit in with childcare?
All employees have the right to request changes to your working hours, days or place of work e.g. to go part-time or work from home. You must have been employed by your employer for at least 26 weeks by the time you make your request and you have not made a request for flexible work in the last twelve months.

You can ask to change your hours of work, your days of work or your place of work. You must make a written application to your employer and your employer must consider your request in a reasonable manner and decide within three months. For more information on how to make a flexible work application and model letters, see Child friendly working hours.

Your employer can only refuse your request for one of the following business reasons:

the burden of additional costs

the detrimental effect on the ability to meet customer demand

they are unable to reorganise the work among existing staff

they are unable to recruit additional staff

the detrimental effect on quality

detrimental effect on performance

there is not enough work during the periods the employee wants to work, or

planned structural changes.

Your employer must explain why that reason applies in your circumstances. If your employer refuses your request they should allow you to appeal. You should continue to explore the options with your employer for as long as possible in order to try to resolve it. If your employer grants your request it is usually a permanent change to your contract but your employer can agree to a temporary change of hours/days or a trial period.

If your request is refused without good business reasons you may have a claim for sex discrimination and you should seek legal advice. It may be indirect sex discrimination if an employer refuses a woman's request to change her working pattern. If a man's request to change his working pattern is refused but women in similar jobs have been allowed flexible work, he may be able to make a claim for direct sex discrimination.

You must start a tribunal claim within three months (less one day) from the date of the act you are complaining about and you must contact ACAS within the deadline to start Early Conciliation on 0300 123 11 00.

What can I do if I am treated unfairly for taking leave?
If you are dismissed, made redundant or treated unfairly because you are going to take or have taken paternity leave, shared parental leave, Parental Leave or time off for dependants, you are protected from unfair dismissal or detrimental treatment from day one of your employment. If a woman is allowed more favourable parental or dependants' leave than a man, you may have a claim for sex discrimination.

You should try to resolve it by talking to your employer informally and, if necessary, you can write to your employer, providing them with information on your rights, and ask for a meeting to discuss it. For more information see Dealing with problems at work.

If you cannot resolve the matter you can make a claim in an employment tribunal and you should seek legal advice. Claims must be made within three months (less one day) from the date of the dismissal or discrimination. You must contact ACAS Early Conciliation within the time limit on 0300 123 11 00 before making a tribunal claim.

Benefits for families
I do not qualify for SPP. Can I claim anything else?
If you do not qualify for SPP, for example, if your earnings are too low, your employer must give you form SPP1 explaining why you cannot get it. If you think your employer has wrongly refused SPP, you can telephone the HMRC Statutory Payments Disputes Team on 0300 322 9422 and ask for a formal decision.

If you do not qualify for SPP, you may be able to claim Universal Credit during your paternity leave.
What benefits can we claim when our baby is born? Child Benefit
Once your baby is born you can claim Child Benefit. Families in receipt of child benefit will be subject to a high earner child benefit charge if one or more parent earns more than £50,000.
Tax Credits
If you are already receiving Child Tax Credit and/or Working Tax Credit you may be entitled to an additional amount for a new baby or if your income drops or you take maternity or parental leave. You should get advice before making a new claim for Universal Credit as you cannot go back onto tax credits and you may be worse off on Universal Credit. For more information or to report any changes of circumstances, contact the Tax Credit Helpline on 0345 300 3900 or see: www.gov.uk/child-tax-credit/already-claiming.

Universal Credit
You may be able to claim Universal Credit (depending on your family income and circumstances) if you are on a low income or taking maternity or parental leave. Statutory Maternity, Paternity, Shared Parental Pay and Statutory Sick Pay are treated as earnings when claiming Universal Credit and are largely disregarded. You are exempt from work-related requirements if you are a single parent or nominated as the main carer of a child under 3.

For more information on Universal Credit, see: www.gov.uk/universal-credit For an online calculator, see www.betteroffcalculator.co.uk

You can get more advice on Universal Credit claims through the free Citizens Advice Help to Claim service: England: 0800 144 8444, Wales: 0800 024 1220, Scotland: 0800 023 2581

Food vouchers and Sure Start/Best Start Maternity Grant
If you or your partner are receiving Universal Credit, Child Tax Credit, Income Support or income-based Jobseekers Allowance you may be entitled to Healthy Start vouchers and a Sure Start Maternity Grant of £500 for your first child (or if there are no other children aged under 16 in your family) or first multiple birth. Claim on form SF100 (Sure Start), available from your local Jobcentre Plus or online here, from 11 weeks before your baby is due until 6 months after the birth.

If you live in Scotland you may be eligible for Best Start Grants and Best Start Foods, see: www.mygov.scot/best-start-grant-best-start-foods/

Housing and council tax
You may also be able to get help from your local council with discretionary housing payments, council tax reduction or local welfare assistance schemes.

For more information on benefits, see: Money for Parents and Babies.
This information sheet was written in January 2023. It is very important to get up-to-date advice as law and guidance changes. This guide is for information purposes only and should not be treated as legal advice. You are strongly advised to get personal legal advice about the individual circumstances of your case.
Where to go for more help
Maternity Action
For information on maternity and parental rights at work and benefits, see: www.maternityaction.org.uk

Maternity Rights Advice Line:

Nationwide (except London) - 0808 802 0029

London (if you live or work in a London borough) - 0808 802 0057

For opening hours see: https://maternityaction.org.uk/advice-line/
ACAS
For advice on employment rights or for Early Conciliation if you are thinking of making a tribunal claim

Helpline: 0300 123 11 00 (offers telephone interpreting service)
Citizens Advice
For information about your rights see: www.citizensadvice.org.uk

You can telephone the national Citizens Advice phone service on 03444 111 444

You can get help with Universal Credit claims through the free national Help to Claim service: England: 0800 144 8444, Wales: 0800 024 1220, Scotland: 0800 023 2581

For more information on how to find your local Citizens Advice Bureau, see:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/contact-us/contact-us/ Civil Legal Advice
If you are eligible for legal aid you can get free legal advice on 0345 345 4 345 (offers translation service). To check your eligibility see www.gov.uk/civil-legal-advice

To search for specialist legal advisers or solicitors in your area see: https://find-legal-advice.justice.gov.uk/
Equality Advisory Support Service
Help and advice on discrimination and human rights www.equalityadvisoryservice.com

Helpline: 0808 800 0082 Mon - Fri 9am - 7pm, Sat 10am - 2pm

Textphone: 0808 800 0084
Equalities and Human Rights Commission (EHRC)
For information and advice about discrimination law www.equalityhumanrights.com

For information for employees and employers about pregnancy and maternity rights in the workplace see: www.equalityhumanrights.com/about-us/our-work/key-projects/managing-pregnancy-and-maternity-workplace
GOV.UK
The government's online information service
Jobcentre Plus
To make new telephone benefit claims or request claim forms, including Maternity Allowance and Sure Start Maternity Grant: 0800 055 6688 Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm

For ESA/JSA/Income Support claims: 0800 169 0310 Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm

For Maternity Allowance claims: 0800 169 0283 Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm

For Sure Start Maternity Grant claims: 0800 169 0140 Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm/For Best Start Grant claims in Scotland: 0800 182 2222

Universal Credit helpline - for new claims and existing online claims: 0800 328 5644. Mon - Fri 8am - 6pm

For help with claiming Universal Credit see: www.gov.uk/universal-credit
HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC)
Tax Credit Helpline: 0345 300 3900 Mon - Fri 8am-8pm, Sat 8am-4pm, Sun 9am -5pm

Child Benefit: 0300 200 3100 Mon - Fri 8am-8pm, Sat 8am- 4pm

For queries about Statutory Maternity Pay, Adoption Pay, Paternity Pay and Shared Parental Pay:

Employees helpline 0300 200 3500

Employers helpline 0300 200 3200
HMRC Statutory Payments Disputes Team
If you cannot resolve a dispute about your SMP, you can ask HMRC for a formal decision on your entitlement. You can also ask HMRC to pay your SMP if your employer has refused to pay, has dismissed you to avoid paying SMP or has gone into liquidation. This includes disputes about Statutory Maternity Pay/Adoption Pay/Paternity Pay/Shared Parental Pay/Parental Bereavement Pay or Statutory Sick Pay

See: https://www.gov.uk/guidance/statutory-pay-entitlement-how-to-deal-with-disagreements

Telephone: 0300 322 9422

You can also write to the Statutory Payments Disputes Team at HM Revenue and Customs, PT Operations, Statutory Payments Dispute Team, BX9 1AN.
Insolvency Service Helpline
You can currently only contact the Insolvency Service online.

For what you can claim if your employer goes out of business, see: https://www.gov.uk/your-rights-if-your-employer-is-insolvent
Law Centres Network
To find out if there is a Law Centre in your area telephone 020 3637 1330 or see: www.lawcentres.org.uk/
Turn2us
Online benefits calculator and grant search www.turn2us.org.uk

More Maternity Action information sheets
Rights during pregnancy Pregnant at work 2021 Pregnancy Discrimination Time off for antenatal care Health and safety during pregnancy and return to work Resigning from your job during pregnancy and maternity leave Changing jobs or more than one job
Pregnant during maternity leave (when you are expecting again)
Premature births - rights to maternity leave and pay Miscarriage stillbirth and neonatal death - rights to time off and pay Maternity pay and benefits Maternity Pay Questions Money for Parents and Babies Maternity and parental leave Rights during maternity leave and return to work Keeping in touch during leave Shared Parental Leave and Pay Time off for Working Parents Asking to change your working hours or go part-time Child friendly working hours Redundancy, dismissal and discrimination Pregnancy Discrimination Rights during maternity leave and return to work Redundancy during pregnancy, maternity and parental leave Dealing with problems at work Health and safety, breastfeeding and sickness Sickness during pregnancy maternity leave and return to work Health and safety during pregnancy and return to work Postnatal depression and depression during pregnancy Childbirth injuries - rights at work and benefits for new mothers Breastfeeding on return to work Breastfeeding while out and about Self-employed, agency and zero hours work Maternity and parental rights for agency workers Maternity and parental rights if you are self-employed Changing jobs or more than one job Zero hours contracts - maternity and parental rights Apprentices - maternity and parental rights at work Fathers and partners, including same sex partners Rights at work for fathers and partners Shared Parental Leave and Pay Child friendly working hours Time off for Working Parents Dealing with problems at work Adoption or surrogacy Time off and pay for parents-surrogacy Shared parental leave and pay - adoption Money for Parents and Babies
Available at www.maternityaction.org.uk

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Rights at work for fathers and partners including same sex partners - Maternity Action

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This page contains information on: Who do these rights apply to?Time off for antenatal appointments for fathers and partnersPaternity Leave and Shared Parental LeaveRights at work for new parentsBenefits for familiesWhere to go for more helpMore Maternity Action information sheets January 2023 This information sheet is for new and expectant fathers and partners, including same more "

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SFT Salisbury parking and visiting information 

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SFT Salisbury parking and visiting information 

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Parking & Visiting Information for the Maternity Unit at Salisbury District Hospital.

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GWH Swindon parking and visiting information 

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GWH Swindon parking and visiting information 

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The Rise Trust - Chippenham and North Wiltshire

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The RISE Trust is committed to giving parents from all walks of life good quality, free courses to help them get back into the workplace, help with parenting and gain confidence or new skills. Some of our courses can help parents to interact with their children in a fun and interesting way.

We are currently running virtual and Face to Face courses for families with under-fives. Call us for more information or to book and follow us on Facebook for regular updates The RISE Trust - North Wiltshire Children's Centre Services | Chippenham | Facebook

Behaviour that Challenges
A 5 week course for parents/carers helping you to cope with whatever happens. Discover techniques and tips on how to support children's feelings and encourage positive behaviour. For parents of pre-school children from 2 years.

Being a Parent

An 8 week programme helping parents learn practical communication skills for everyday life to bring up confident, happy and co-operative children. For parents of children aged 2-5 yrs.
Baby & Me
This 5 week course is suitable for parents/carers with non-mobile babies Birth-20 weeks. It will cover topics from Safety and Oral Health to Communication and Development.
Learning Matters
This child development course for parent/carers and their children aged 6 months to 3 years. Covering a wide range of information and top tips based on your child's age/stage.
Bookstart
For children from 18 months old. To build confidence in reading and rhymes with your child in fun and exciting ways. Encourages language development.
Early Words Together @ 2
5 sessions with fun & simple activities to help young children (aged two) learn & help parents support their child's language development
Ready Steady School
To support your child to get ready for starting school. Activities include preparing to read and write, making friends, managing emotions, and becoming independent.

Learn how to recognise emotions, resolve conflict and communicate effectively, leading to a healthier relationship
Chat Chill & Connect weekly sessions
Relaxed sessions held at Chippenham, Calne, Corsham and Royal Wootton Bassett for parent/carers with children to socialise Pre-school children Birth-under 5 years.
SENsational Zone

An inclusive drop-in session for carers of children aged 0-5 years with additional needs held at St Pauls Church Hall, Chippenham.
Twins and Multiples Group
A weekly group for parent/carers of twins/multiple births 0-5 years held at St Pauls Church Hall, Chippenham.

Freedom & Freedom Forever
Domestic Abuse Support. Please call us for further details.
Baby Massage
To encourage bonding and provide sensory stimulation for your baby. Non-walking babies only.

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What's on in Wiltshire. We are committed to giving parents from all walks of life quality, free courses to help them from parenting workshops to baby massage.

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Check what to do if you have a problem with your working or child tax credits. Check how to challenge an overpayment decision.

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When to change a nappy

Babies need frequent nappy changes.

Babies have very delicate skin so their nappy needs to be changed as soon as they wet or poo themselves, otherwise their skin becomes sore and red.

Changing your baby's nappy as soon as possible after they've done a wee or poo will help prevent  nappy rash.

Young babies may need changing as many as 10 or 12 times a day, while older babies need to be changed around 6 to 8 times.

What you need for nappy changing

Before you change your baby's nappy, wash your hands and get everything you need in 1 place, including:

a changing mat or towel

cotton wool and a bowl of warm water, or fragrance and alcohol-free baby wipes

a plastic bag or bucket for the dirty nappy and dirty cotton wool or wipes

barrier cream to protect your baby's skin

a clean nappy (and liner and cover if you're using cloth nappies)

clean clothes

Where to change a nappy

The best place to change a nappy is on a changing mat or towel on the floor, particularly if you have more than one baby.

That way, if you need to see to another child for a moment, your baby can't fall. It's best done sitting down so you don't hurt your back.

If you're using a changing table, keep an eye on your baby at all times. You shouldn't rely on the straps to keep your baby secure. Never walk away or turn your back.

Older babies may try to wriggle away when you're changing them. You could give them a toy or use a mobile to distract them.

How to change a nappy

It's just as important to clean your baby fully whether they have wet themselves or done a poo.

If your baby's nappy is dirty, use the nappy to clean off most of the poo from their bottom.

Then use the cotton wool and plain warm water (or baby wipes) to remove the rest and get your baby really clean.

Clean the whole nappy area gently but thoroughly and make sure you clean inside the folds of skin.

Girls should be cleaned from front to back to avoid getting germs into their vagina.

Boys should be cleaned around the testicles (balls) and penis, but there's no need to pull back their foreskin.

If it's warm enough, let your baby lie on the changing mat without a nappy on for a while. Wearing a nappy all the time makes nappy rash more likely.

If you're using disposable nappies, take care not to get water or cream on the sticky tabs as they won't stick if you do.

If you're using cloth nappies, put in a nappy liner and then fasten the nappy. Adjust it to fit snugly round the waist and legs.

Chat to your baby while you're changing them. Pulling faces, smiling and laughing with your baby will help you bond and help their development.

Try not to show any disgust at what's in their nappy. You don't want your baby to learn that doing a poo is something unpleasant or negative.

Nappy hygiene

Disposable nappies can be rolled up and resealed using the tabs. Put them in a plastic bag kept only for nappies, then tie it up and put it in an outside bin.

Washable cloth nappies don't have to be soaked before they're washed, but you may choose to soak them to help get the stains off. Check the washing instructions first.

Cloth nappies can be machine washed at 60C, or you could use a local nappy laundry service.

There's no evidence that using washing powders with enzymes (bio powders) or fabric conditioners will irritate your baby's skin.

Wash nappies that are dirty with poo separately from your other washing.

To avoid infection, wash your hands after changing a nappy before you do anything else.

If your baby's old enough, they can wash their hands with you as it's a good habit to get into.
Learn how to wash your hands properly

What baby poo looks like

Your baby's first poo is called meconium. This is sticky and greenish-black.

Some babies may do this kind of poo during or after birth, or some time in the first 48 hours.

After a few days the poo will change to a yellow or mustard colour. Breastfed babies' poo is runny and doesn't smell. Formula-fed babies' poo is firmer, darker brown and more smelly.

Some infant formulas can also make your baby's poo dark green. If you change from breast to formula feeding, you'll find your baby's poos become darker and more paste-like.

If you have a girl, you may see a white discharge on her nappy for a few days after birth.

It's caused by hormones that have crossed the placenta to your baby, but these will soon disappear from her system.

These hormones can occasionally cause slight bleeding like a mini period, but in both cases it's nothing to worry about.

Read the NCT guide to newborn baby poo.

How often should my baby do a poo?

Babies do an average of 4 poos a day in the first week of life. This goes down to an average of 2 a day by the time they're 1 year old.

Newborn babies who are breastfed may poo at each feed in the early weeks, then, after about 6 weeks, not have a poo for several days.

Formula-fed babies may poo up to 5 times a day when newborn, but after a few months this can go down to once a day.

It's also normal for babies to strain or even cry when doing a poo.

Your baby isn't constipated as long as their poos are soft, even if they haven't done one for a few days.

Is it normal for my baby's poos to change?

From day to day or week to week, your baby's poos will probably vary.

If you notice a definite change of any kind, such as the poos becoming very smelly, very watery or harder (particularly if there's blood in them), you should talk to your doctor or health visitor.

If your baby's poos look pale, this can be a sign of liver disease.

Speak to your health visitor or GP if you notice this.

Disposable and washable cloth (reusable) nappies

Disposable and cloth nappies come in a range of shapes and sizes. The choice might be confusing at first, but with trial and error you'll be able to work out which nappies suit your baby best as they grow.

Disposable and cloth nappies have different pros and cons, so you'll need to consider things like cost, convenience and the impact on the environment when you choose what to buy.

For example, disposable nappies are very handy, but washable cloth nappies work out cheaper if you add up the costs over the years your baby's in nappies.

Some cloth nappy brands and local councils offer free samples for you to try out.

If you use cloth nappies, you may want to sign up to a nappy laundry service that'll take away the dirty nappies and deliver a fresh batch each week.

The 'Which?' consumer information website has more information and advice to help you decide which type of nappy is best for your baby, budget and lifestyle.

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Your guide to changing a nappy, what to do with dirty nappies, baby poo and different types of nappy

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Talk to someone - mental health support for Dads, Partners and non-birthing parents (self referral)

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Talk to someone - mental health support for Dads, Partners and non-birthing parents (self referral)

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Avon and Wiltshire Mental Health Partnership NHS Trust

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You will find a selection of self-help guides and resources to give you, or the person you care for, the information and tools needed to effectively support your mental health. Visit our self-help and resources page here for tips and advice on managing your mental wellbeing. In addition to general resources, you will find links to specific resources depending on your life situation.

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Talking Therapies (previously known as Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) :: Avon and Wiltshire Mental Health Partnership NHS Trust

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You will find a selection of self-help guides and resources to give you, or the person you care for, the information and tools needed to effectively support your mental health. Visit our self-help and resources page here for tips and advice on managing your mental wellbeing.

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Positive About Down Syndrome (Dads Facebook group)

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Positive About Down Syndrome (Dads Facebook group)

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Expecting a baby with Down syndrome – Positive About Down Syndrome

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If you are looking for support to stop smoking please either contact your GP surgery or visit a Wiltshire Health Improvement Hub. Health Coaches offer friendly, non-judgemental advice and support across Wiltshire.

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If you are looking for support to stop smoking please either contact your GP surgery or visit a Wiltshire Health Improvement Hub. Health Coaches offer friendly, non-judgemental advice and support across Wiltshire. They can give tips and information while working with you to beat your cravings and change your smoking habits. Your Coach can also discuss the range of stop smoking aids and help to choose the right one for you. Nicotine replacement therapies are available on prescription, or you could receive a free vaping starter kit. Your first session will last for 20 to 30 minutes with 10-minute follow-up sessions over a 12-week course.

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The Stop Smoking service offers tailored one-to-one support, either face-to-face, on the phone or online, over an eight to twelve-week period.

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The Stop Smoking Service provides expert advice, support and encouragement to help you stop smoking. Contact information and the Live Well Hub.

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FREE Stop Smoking support in the Bath & NE Somerset area

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FREE Stop Smoking support in the Bath & NE Somerset area

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Wellbeing Service
Unit 2, Roman Way
Peasedown St John
Bath
BA2 8SG
t: 0300 247 0050
e: BATHNES.thehub@hcrgcaregroup.com

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Our service offers free local support to smokers aged 12 years and over through individual, face to face or telephone consultations. This support can include help to either stop smoking completely, cut down gradually prior to your quit date or cut down to reduce the harm from your smoking. When you get in touch, one of our friendly and fully trained health improvement practitioners will talk to you about your options and help you create a plan to reach your goal.

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GWH Swindon: Dads, Partners and non-birthing parents staying overnight

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GWH Swindon: Dads, Partners and non-birthing parents staying overnight

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DigiDAD is an online E-Learning platform full of father friendly content

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DigiDAD is an online E-Learning platform full of father friendly content

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DigiDAD is an online E-Learning platform full of father friendly content. Why not register for our accredited courses? Browse our videos? Or check out some of our podcasts. Your journey through fatherhood starts here By registering to DigiDAD you'll be able to access our online courses, downloads lots of Dad

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Children and families/family support services

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Children and families/family support services

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Saturdays, 10am til 11.30am, Charlotte Street, Bath. FREE.

mark@evolvemusic.org.uk or 07943 973 473

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Early years music-making for Dads and their children in Bath

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Produced in partnership with Haynes, our man manuals are 20 or 36 page A5 men's health information guides that are impartial, authoritative and provide information for men about a range of health issues that affect their everyday lives.

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Men aren't interested in health information, right? Wrong. The Men's Health Forum has sold over a million of its man manuals - the information men need in a format that they want.
Produced in partnership with Haynes, our man manuals are 20 or 36 page A5 men's health information guides that are impartial, authoritative and provide information for men about a range of health issues that affect their everyday lives. Buy them off the shelf from our list of titles in print or work with us to produce your own.
Latest manuals:
If we don't currently produce the manual you need for your work, ask us about a custom manual. We can produce whatever you need for whatever group of men you're working with. Your content (either written by you or by us) in our award-winning format.

We have a long track record of producing tailor-made male health manuals for a variety of partners - local authorities, local NHS organisations, companies and voluntary sector organisations.

Kate Dale, Yorkshire Rural Support Network Co-ordinator, was delighted with her Fit For Farming manual.

'The Yorkshire Rural Support Network have been delighted to work with Men's Health Forum on Fit for Farming - a one stop shop for good farmer health. The Men's Health Forum were helpful and supportive every step of the way, working to exacting standards and our tight time scales. They have produced a really first class booklet!'

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Men aren't interested in health information, right? Wrong. The Men's Health Forum has sold over a million of its man manuals - the information men need in a format that they want.

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Postpartum psychosis is a traumatic experience for both women and their partners

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Postpartum psychosis is a traumatic experience for both women and their partners

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Find information and support for dads and co-parents here.

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Postpartum psychosis is a traumatic experience for both women and their partners. Find information and support for dads and co-parents here.

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ICON - Babies cry. You can Cope. Support is out there.

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ICON - Babies cry. You can Cope. Support is out there.

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Comforting methods can help, it's ok to walk away, Never shake a crying baby.

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Hello Baby videos Play Video Where to have your baby Play Video Having your baby at home Play Video Having your baby at a Midwife led Unit Play Video Having your baby at hospital Play Video Using water during birth Play Video When your birth doesn't go to plan Play Video Preparing your body for...

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A short video filmed at RUH Bath, GWH Swindon and SFT Wiltshire highlighting the importance of having a support partner during the birth of your baby.

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Hello Baby videos Play Video Where to have your baby Play Video Having your baby at home Play Video Having your baby at a Midwife led Unit Play Video Having your baby at hospital Play Video Using water during birth Play Video When your birth doesn't go to plan Play Video Preparing your body for...

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American Comedian Jim Gaffigan talking about fatherhood, homebirth and the chaos of parenting!

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American Comedian Jim Gaffigan talking about fatherhood, homebirth and the chaos of parenting!

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You Tube video, 8 minutes

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"4 Kids/ Home Birth" - Jim Gaffigan (Mr. Universe)

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Baby and Toddler group for Dads and their children (Bath)

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Baby and Toddler group for Dads and their children (Bath)

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First Saturday of each month, King Edward Road, Oldfield Park, Bath BA2 3PB. Church Office: 01225 427428

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We want to help the men at St Bart's enjoy friendships together and to encourage one another in our faith. We hold a number of Men's Breakfasts through the year where we have the opportunity to discuss issues of relevance to men in their faith, as well as a variety of other social events, known as 'Chaps Who Chill'.

For those with pre-school children, we run a toddler group known as 'Barty's for Dads' on the first Saturday of each month.

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We want to help the men at St Bart's enjoy friendships together and to encourage one another in our faith. We hold a number of Men's Breakfasts through the year where we have the opportunity to discuss issues of relevance to men in their faith, as well as a variety of other social events, known as 'Chaps Who Chill'.

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Bath & North East Somerset, Swindon and Wiltshire (BSW) Maternity Voices Partnership Plus

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​While we make every effort to keep these padlets up to date, we make no warranties or representations that the information will be:

As an MVP, we are not liable for any loss or damage that may come from using these padlets. We are unable to endorse the information held on third party websites, it is for information only.

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Resources - Bath North East Somerset, Swindon and Wiltshire Maternity Voices Partnership Plus

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​While we make every effort to keep these padlets up to date, we make no warranties or representations that the information will be: As an MVP, we are not liable for any loss or damage that may come from using these padlets.

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Supporting Visually Impaired Mums and Dads across the UK

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Knowing your rights and what you are entitled to

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We use some essential cookies to make this website work.

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When you take time off because your partner's having a baby, adopting a child or having a baby through a surrogacy arrangement you might be eligible for:

You may not get both leave and pay, and there are rules on how to claim and when your leave can start.

Employment rights when on leave

Your employment rights are protected while on paternity leave. This includes your right to:

pay rises

build up (accrue) holiday

return to work

You can get time off to accompany your partner (or the surrogate mother) to 2 antenatal appointments.

If you're adopting a child, you can get time off to attend 2 adoption appointments after you've been matched with a child.

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Your Statutory Paternity Pay and Leave - what you get, how to claim, eligibility

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The Rise Trust is committed to giving parents from all walks of life good quality, free courses to help them get back into the workplace, help with parenting and gain confidence or new skills.

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The Rise Trust - Chippenham and North Wiltshire

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Skip to content

The Rise Trust is committed to giving parents from all walks of life good quality, free courses to help them get back into the workplace, help with parenting and gain confidence or new skills. Some of our courses can help parents to interact with their children in a fun and interesting way.

Webster Stratton - a twelve week course to help you parent successfully.

Challenging Behaviour - a four week course helping you to cope with whatever happens. Discover techniques and tips on how to deal with children's feelings and support positive behaviour.

Being a Parent - An eight week course helping parents learn practical communication skills for everyday life to bring up confident, happy and co-operative children.

Baby and Me - This five week course is suitable for mums and dads with non-mobile babies. It will cover topics from Safety and Oral Health to Communication and Development.

Learning Early - Three separate child development courses covering Birth to 24 months. Covering a wide range of information and top tips based on your child's age/stage.

Contact Debbie for more information on course dates and availability. Tel: 01249 464008 or email debbies@therisetrust.org

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Reject Read More

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Parenting Workshops - The Rise Trust - Chippenham and North Wiltshire

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Skip to content The Rise Trust is committed to giving parents from all walks of life good quality, free courses to help them get back into the workplace, help with parenting and gain confidence or new skills. Some of our courses can help parents to interact with their children in a fun and interesting way.

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Preparing, adjusting, coping to a new family dynamic

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This is the first practical parenting book to give you the facts, not the fiction based on over 700 scientific studies into children’s development

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The incredible effects of Love, Nurture and Play on your child's development (original title - The Science of Parenting)

This is the first practical parenting book to give you the facts, not the fiction on the best way to bring up your child, essential for any parent. Based on over 700 scientific studies into children's development, award-winning author and child psychotherapist Dr. Margot Sunderland explains how to develop your child's potential to the full.

This book will give you the know- how to understand and influence your child's development whilst providing practical solutions to everyday challenges. Backed by solid evidence from the latest studies into the impact of parenting on children's brain development, and the experiences of real families, Margot Sunderland explains the science without losing sight of the day -to day realities all parents and children face. If you are tired of parenting gurus telling you what to do without telling you why, this book is the answer.

"Explains the science without losing sight of the realities of raising a child." Mother and Baby

Additional Info

Publisher: Dorling Kindersley (7 Jun 2007)

ISBN-10:: 1405320362

ISBN-13:: 978-1405320368

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What Every Parent Needs to Know | Shop | CCMH

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The incredible effects of Love, Nurture and Play on your child's development (original title - The Science of Parenting) This is the first practical parenting book to give you the facts, not the fiction on the best way to bring up your child, essent...

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Parenting, just not as you know it (warning: there is swearing)

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Top Class

A funny, unique and honest look at modern day parenting in this crazy time. Rob & Josh give their funny stories and unique tips on parenting accompanied by some excellent guests. The best British podcast I have ever listened to.

Very funny

I love this podcast. So funny. My kids are older but I can still remember the lack of sleep - hope Josh gets some sleep soon ....

Thank you!

I'm listening from Malta and love the show. I only discovered it a few weeks ago so have gone back and am working my way through old episodes. It's interesting to hear people believing lockdown was only going to last a few weeks! Keep up the great work x

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rob beckett and josh widdicombe's parenting hell

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‎Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell on Apple Podcasts

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A funny, unique and honest look at modern day parenting in this crazy time. Rob & Josh give their funny stories and unique tips on parenting accompanied by some excellent guests. The best British podcast I have ever listened to. I love this podcast. So funny.

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What the results mean and making decisions

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Asking friend and family for practical support (so you can enjoy the babymoon too)

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Asking friend and family for practical support (so you can enjoy the babymoon too)

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Enjoy your paternity leave even more

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Create a customized online sign up sheet that makes it easy for friends and family to take meals to those in need.

Fast, Easy, and FREE

Get Started in 5 Minutes or Less

We Send the Invitations

Automated Reminder Emails

Show your care by sending a meal.
Our web store makes it easy to purchase and send a meal.

Tested Recipes that Transport Well

Resources for Caring

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Take Them A Meal | Easy online meal sign ups to support your loved ones.

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Create a customized online sign up sheet that makes it easy for friends and family to take meals to those in need. Fast, Easy, and FREE Get Started in 5 Minutes or Less We Send the Invitations Automated Reminder Emails Show your care by sending a meal.

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RUH Bath parking and visiting information

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RUH Bath parking and visiting information

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Parking information

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Information Services Department, Royal United Hospital

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Royal United Hospitals Bath NHS Foundation Trust

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https://www.ruh.nhs.uk - Royal United Hospitals Bath NHS Foundation Trust

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BSW MNVP Padlet for Dads, Partners & Non-Birthing Parents

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BSW MNVP Padlet for Dads, Partners & Non-Birthing Parents

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BSW MNVP Padlet for Dads, Partners & Non-Birthing Parents in Bath & NE Somerset, Swindon and Wiltshire.

The contents for this padlet have come from local Dads and Partners & Non-Birthing Parents. If you have any feedback,  suggestions, or would like to volunteer then please contact: chaya.tagore@nhs.net

While we make every effort to keep these padlets up to date, we make no warranties or representations that the information will be:

current

accurate

secure

complete

free from bugs or viruses

As an MNVP, we are not liable for any loss or damage that may come from using these padlets. We are unable to endorse the information held on third party websites, it is for information only.

www.bswmaternityvoices.org.uk