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 The photo above is NOT the piano mentioned, because my camera is not working. This was taken in a 2019 recital.

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I have been playing classical piano for 12 years; however, I had to stop for one and a half years when the refurbishers we hired gradually broke it over many months. I treated my piano, which I named Anara, as my best friend, as it was the one thing that got me through tough times in Elementary and Junior High School. As dramatic as it may sound, it seemed like my best friend not only died, but was slowly killed. Thankfully, my family bought me a new piano on January 6, 2022, which was two years after I had stopped playing altogether. Nothing could compare to the feeling of losing myself to the serenity that I feel when my mind hushes for a while as I surrender to the music.

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I don't really know why, but I have been very anxious about many things recently. Even the smallest things, such as replying to a text message, scares me to no end. I'm not sure if this is linked, but in the past few weeks, I have not been able to sleep without having a series of nightmares at once.

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My friends have filled my year with love. Before moving to this school, I had not experienced being heard, wanted, or loved by people of my own age group. My friends were always from the upper batches, but I now have classmates who choose to lift me up everyday.

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I currently have many, many tasks on my "Missing" tab on Google Classroom, including this. I have been going through a lot this year, and it has been quite difficult to maintain the responsibility and diligence I used to have. The other day, I realized that my school work began to feel like eating rice when I am sick. No matter how many spoonfuls I eat, it seems as though I still have as much as I did when I began.

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For our first official project of the school year, I was given the honor and responsibility of becoming the Head Musical Director of the Broadway Theatre Troupe of Ateneo. I felt much enjoyment in transforming the solo piece into an ensemble number and creating the vocal guides to help each member learn their parts. I also enjoyed the vocal sessions I held with the org members, especially the new juniors whose voices I had not heard last year. I arranged other projects as well, including the one from the photo above, which was very challenging as it required numerous individual harmonies (the screenshot doesn't even show all of it; there's more if you scroll down the tracks huhuhu).

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I find it difficult to look at myself in the mirror. I despise the person who stares back at me. I usually just see my flaws — the ones on my skin, and the dozens that lie underneath. I don't usually need a mirror to feel this way; silence is usually enough. I have been trying to do better, because this behavior does not help those around me.