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I’ve always believed that hardest part of any journey is taking that first step. Between staying where you are against moving forward (or backward), there will always be a hint of skepticism and a dread for reluctance with the choice you are to select. It doesn’t matter whichever the scenario is — be it that you’ll starting your rollercoaster ride or you’ve arrived at your destination. It only gets harder the more we think about it.

During my first undergraduate degree, Business Finance was that subject that everyone in my previous program is scared of. The professor was super strict, the lessons require some serious number crunching, and everything was fast paced. But it can’t be helped; it is one of the core courses of the program and essentially one of those courses which would have the greatest application for the thesis. Hence, it was given a great emphasis in the whole program. But apart from the lessons and theories learned in the class, I guess that my professor back then had the most impact in my stay in Benilde. It was his class that gave me a humbling experience after almost failing his class on the first take. The highest grade given back in my class was 1.0 or 3.0 in the UP grading scale. And that was the grade I got. From that point, I’ve dreamed about getting to his level if not surpassing him. I want to achieve his academic intellect. I want to be good at Finance to redeem myself, to finally say that I am good at something.

Thus the grand plan became simple: finish college, take a Masters in Finance, get that PhD in Finance, go back to the academe. Indeed, an audacious and bold plan. After graduation, I’ve been doing my part to enrich and develop my financial literacy. I enrolled in several free MOOCs, reviewed my math, drown myself to forums thinking how and where I should drive my career into. I’ve had countless nights thinking whether I should take DLSU’s postgraduate degree in Finance or take it in UP.

But as we all know, not everything goes to plan. Even if you ask the universe to give it to you -- that law of attraction would simply not apply. It was when I had my first job as a banker that I got to realize how idealistic my plan was. Without consideration to my scarce resources available, I used to think that the path I’ve always dreamed about would be a walk in the park. I thought, this was the one I would be travelling all along. With the best phrase to put is, I guess I was wrong.

When I decided to finally enroll in the BAMS program, I was on the search for that niche that I actually have. It was a grounded analysis of myself in consideration of my resources. As I have shared in my profile, I thought that I should instead focus on my art skills given that I became interested to them first before finance. It was the realistic and optimistic choice. Far from idealisms, of aspirations and dreams.

Nearing the end of my first trimester with UPOU, I was once again hit by the same questions I had before enrolling to the BAMS program. It is really what I want? It is something financially sustainable for me? Would it actually add value for me? Ask me three months ago and I would certainly say yes to everything. But this time, there are other factors that has been affecting my initial answers I had, much of which is in the financial sustainability of this track.

When faced with two options, most of us would have to choose one. And with a heavy heart, I have to choose (of temporarily) opting out of the program. This time, this was a choice of between must and should. I should continue because my passion can be developed but I must not (for now) because I must tend to have a living for myself. Not that pursuing the program would not be financially sustainable in the future but, as of the moment, I am the one fully supporting myself in my academics. The time calls for me to divest and improve on what I am doing to make my bread and butter.

With this decision, I am taking a step back after pursuing for my passion. It was a hard and difficult decision to make. The last three months with UPOU has been insightful and full of new learnings. My curiosity and passion is there. It is just that I cannot afford it right now. One may question the choice I am to make but I have to suck it all up and stand with my decision. To where I am going is still uncertain. However, what’s definite right now is that, I would be going back to the point where I was before enrolling to UPOU -- to the crossroad between passion and profession. Crossroads lead to different places but it doesn’t mean that you can’t go back and start again

P.S. I shall continue to manage and add posts to my ePortfolio to continue tracking my progress whatever my endeavors would be.

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A week has passed since I published my ePortfolio for our MMS100 course and now, we are tasked of assessing each and everyone's pages. While not all of my fellow learners were able to submit their links, it was very entertaining for me to read the first blog posts of those who submitted theirs. Apart from our profile pages, I believe that our first blog posts and our sample works done were already sufficient enough to give me (and the other readers) an idea of our respective starting point for the degree program and where does each of us currently stand when compared to one another. As such, I would like to share my observations so far based from the ePortfolios that I've read.

1. Some of my classmates are already working in the multimedia industry. Doing creative multimedia work seems to be the bread and butter of some of my classmates in the course. Browsing through some of their sample works, it was amazing to see that there are some published for public viewing through their respective employers. Their proficiency with what they do is already evident with the complexity of their finished works. There were wonderful animations, amazing video edits, colorful infographics, etc. for which I could say that I cannot do yet with my current skillset and knowledge. Those classmates whom were highly immersed with the industry tend to have better layout and creative outputs posted in their respective ePortfolios.

2. Personal advancement seems to be the primary motivation besides passion. With the inclusion of my personal motives with enrolling to this degree and course, I find that personal advancement matters more to a lot of my classmates than passion. I'm not saying that the absence of such is bad nor that I don't have any passionate classmates in this course but, most of the reasons I've read for taking this degree and course is generally geared towards having a better career progress prospects or they want to shift to doing creative work for a living.

3. Play with words are much evident with those who chose to disclose a deep story of themselves. Generally speaking, the pages I liked have stories written gracefully with a combination of powerful and effective words which convey a story you don't normally share in a face-to-face conversation. I didn't feel so monotonous reading their personal stories and their writing tend to have a very calm tone and mood. It felt personal yet engaging, making you seek to know them more.

My self-assessment:

Honestly speaking, my current knowledge and skillset regarding multimedia is pretty much inferior when compared to some of my classmates. Their advantage is mostly brought about by their longer experience with multimedia for which I lagged very far behind. I won't blame myself for such as I am currently on a different track as compared with them. Realizing our differences from one another, I became more motivated and inspired to push myself further for me to continue to improve and develop. Moreover, this assignment has made me realize that even though the degree I'm taking is Multimedia Studies, I should have a specialty for which I need to select and put more focus and emphasis along the program.

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Direct Peer Review

For this peer review, I based my three personal picks based on the following criteria: a) Page layout, b) Writing skill, c) Complexity of creative works done.

Judie Ann Camille Defiño

(https://sites.google.com/up.edu.ph/jikkadefino/)

In terms of page layout, her page is the one I liked the most. Aside from using GIFs and and several placeholders, color combination and font selection was effectively done to show a central theme in her ePortfolio which I think is also reflective of her personality and preferences. Her experience being a UX/IX designer was very much evident that even with the limited options and features available with Google Sites, she was able to make her page worth viewing.

Neil Malgapo

(https://sites.google.com/up.edu.ph/neilmalgapo/profile)

The first time Neil posted in one of the discussion pages in the forums, I was already impressed with his writing skill. Of all the profile write-ups and blog posts I've read from my classmates, his page/post has the calmest tone and mood that I've been saying above. He actually walks the talk when he said that he is a storyteller. More than the technical aspect involved, effective story telling is very critical in making a creative multimedia output -- especially when using visual media. I believe that he excels so much in that regard and I'm looking forward for his further posts.

Ralph Albert Romero

(https://sites.google.com/up.edu.ph/ralph-albert-romero)

Kuya Ralph's sample works pages contain a lot of creative works particularly made for ADB. I chose his page for the complexity of creative works done as he has a wide exposure with different kinds of media -- text, image, video, audio -- and his works doesn't seem easy to do. Another reason why I liked his works the most is that, for the most part, he is dealing with sensitive information which needs a careful presentation because it might mean something else. And as a producer for ADB, it speaks so much of his skill and knowledge on how and what needs to be presented from which shouldn't be. Lastly, I believe, he is the only one with an uploaded audio recording which was a big plus for me.

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This is a repost of the original one (posted last June 10, 2018) as I accidentally deleted it as I was reorganizing my Padlet.

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It took me quite a while before I was able to come up with my first blog for my UPOU stay as I would like to capture the most of what I could write about. So far, my experience under the BAMS program of UPOU has been full of realizations about myself and what have I truly missed as an individual. Having said that, let me share to you what are those epiphanies with just three weeks into the program.

I've been denying myself of the opportunities to develop as an artist.

Growing up, I've been raised with the expectations of finishing a science degree as I was conditioned that going through that path is the most lucrative way to success --- that taking an arts degree would not make you a living to be self-sufficient. Plus the fact that studying art for college is already expensive even way before and thus, I was totally discouraged by it. Heeding my parents advice, I decided to take an engineering degree in UPLB and scrap off my aspirations of taking music. I've had an idea about the BAMS program of UPOU before but, the younger me, a pessimist of the distance learning pedagogy, was not impressed by the thought of doing so. (Only to realize that the future me would be taking BAMS.)

Fast forward a few years after stepping to college, seems like the joke's on me when I transferred from a research university to one of the premier art schools in the country to study business. The frustrated guitarist in me wanted to study music production in Benilde but my scholarship limited me to taking a business degree instead. I guess it was a bit undirected nor unintentional but that move made me more exposed with local art. From observing neo-classical architectural buildings, to visiting several museums to look for cubism art, drinking to bars to listen to indie artists, I'd like to consider that I became more cultured and more appreciative of the arts when I transferred to Manila to study. But still, I've suppressed the artist in me and didn't do anything about it.

More than finance, art is something I've been doing ever since.

Reading through the materials regarding different media modalities made me rekindle about the things I've been doing since for art. Back when I was a small kid, me and my brother would always have a competition on who could draw the characters of Dragonball Z better. Highschool came and I became exposed with music and learned about music recording. There was even a time when I was the representative of our HS for a landscape competition. College came and I continued with guitars but this time, I also learned about photography. I tried advancing my knowledge about photography but seminars also cost a lot. Come to think of it, it was ironic that I learned more about money and its applications than art which required some money to be good at.

Distance learning is highly effective for me.

Distance learning is something not new to me. I've tried enrolling to several courses online through several platforms and while I wasn't able to complete for a whole program (i.e Micromasters, professional certification, Nanodegree), I could say that I learn so much with the courses I completed.

Unlike those programs, UPOU's implementation of its distance learning methodology was different as it was less dependent on videos and emphasizes reading to impart knowledge. Although I'm not sure if the future courses would be reading-focused as well or will have other tricks under its sleeve. I'm not saying that videos are ineffective but, making students read also make the students exert more effort in seeking for clarification for the lesson that they are having a hard time understanding. Well in my case, that's what I did. Reading also encourages the Socratic method of learning which I think is also very effective teaching method. And with just three weeks under BAMS, I am proud to say that I have been learning a lot and I'm really looking forward for the major courses in the program.

You achieve self-love and happiness when you start to understand yourself.

As I began seeking for a clearer direction of what I want to do in my life, I was on the thinking process of starting from something that I can do and something that I love doing. Is it really banking and finance? Economics? Engineering? And then all of a sudden, I remember my younger self having genuine fun when I was doing an artwork or when I imagine a riff inside my head. I begin to realize that, I was genuinely happy when I am doing something related with the arts.

Perhaps, enrolling to the BAMS program would lead me to doing what I actually want; perhaps it won't. But who knows which path one would certainly choose in life? As an Isko trying to start once again in a different track, I would just go with the flow and do everything to understand myself better while having the best time of my life.

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Just to manage my expectations, I won't expect BAMS to be the complete package of arts courses that would make me a great artist. But I am optimistic about the future and how would I progress and develop as an artist under the program. As the wind begin to get into my sails, I will cruise through my journey and enjoy the process. After all, the challenge is to be a better version of yourself.

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Last edit: June 4, 2018 (minor grammar corrections)