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an archive of collected items, related to a hurtful mutual breakup

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This archive was inspired by Emin's 'My Bed'
This collection contains, Giovanni's Room, by James Baldwin, at the beginning of Chapter two, where it tells us about how David, met Giovanni for the first time, this imitates the stage where J and I were mostly at "during the relationship" (top left)
Underneath, there is a sketchbook containing the words,
" Marnie - Repressing these "crushes", due to unconcious thoughts of not working"
Phillip = wise old man"
and on the left side, shows "Scorpio Relationships..."
This was a documented moment between a friend and I, where I for the first time confidently gave advised of relationships and other things. This was a very significant realization, because I always felt I was the seeking for advised and always felt like I was unexperienced with all social experiences.
The middle roses, was a gift for J, a gift that I tried to give on the day I unknowingly took a break from him. It holds a lot of sentiment, and remains rotting in my room.
the bottom two images contains our underwear to connate to sexual intentions.
the last three pictures, show the food and the snacks we've eaten together, including the food and box that was left at my room the first time we met. Other than the meaning of food, these images also shows the commitment we had.

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An oil painting on A5 canvas

It shows a painted collage of people which I captured on film, to represent the night life I have experienced

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I wanted to get into painting again, due to the separation I experienced with transitioning into university, where I delved into photography.
The act of painting for me is nostalgic, going deep into the past where paint was my main medium.
Displaying this painting on the bookshelf, the object that is representing the present, refers to how I am trying to go back to my old routes.

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10/03
My plan and the idea of my installation is the idea of how my past bedroom, the room I spent most of my adolescence and somewhat forgotten after moving to London, how that room will be fully forgotten after an apocalyptic event and nature indulges. What will happen to the memories? The positive, but mostly negative.
I will be creating it out of cardboard and painting it to look like my old room, including real items that was there. There will be a window cut out. Which views other houses and a giant tree.
I hope that this installation will capture the feeling I endured whilst living in that room, having a cramped cardboard space, where you have to physically sit down and look at the tiny space. And think. Making them view at what I was looking at when I was very secluded and inexperienced in social interactions. I want the presence of my “dull” memories to be there. The view of the window is the most significant part of my installation, as I would lifelessly stare outside my window during breakdowns etc. The window in the installation will be viewing a book shelf, where one of the paintings is the view of my window back “home”.
I was inspired by Nelson’s Exhibition, “The Book of Spells”.

15/04
During the whole process of my practice, I realized that I want to display the past, present and what if the future happened, and the emotions that is given due to the fate and reckoning of the memories.
The experiences I had in my bedroom will still remain (past),
the memories displayed and overtook the past will be on the bookshelf under a light (present), and now there will be piles of paintings in the dark to represent the future, that will never happen due to the apocalyptic event.
The overall feeling I want this installation to emit is the awkward tension of letting old memories go comfortably, and making new ones that are completely different and does not relate to the past.
This is because I feel like it is frowned upon, letting go of emotions that do not necessarily need to go, feeling like a burden of every person I knew in my "past" life and the act of disregarding my old personality.

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Film reference of the view from my window at my old home.

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This graphic collage, depicts the sexual intentions and experiences that has developed in my life, ever since moving to the city. The overlapping images and interrelations of the black straps and the jockstrap highlights the connection of senses and vulnerability. The roses contradicts the sexual context, turning it to something more scenic, something that is supposed to be looked at instead.

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This photographic collage shows sentiment and necessary and unnecessary needs. The food wrappers show what needs to be needed, i.e. to keep the food inside from going bad, but also shows what is left behind. Which is the sentiment. The sentiment of these objects are intimate, as the wrappers are from when J and I first meant. I did not mean to keep them this long, however due to hoarding behaviors and the act of "messy-ness", like in Emin's installation, the feeling of throwing them away became more distant and harder to get.

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This collage shows how my experience and interactions with people now are more heightened and improved. The pasted image of the book on top of the empty space of the sketchbook, suggest intellectual improvement and societal changes in my life.

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Artur is a Ghanaian-Russian photographer based in London, who takes documents black people in African diasporas. I was attracted to these pictures because it is similar to my practice from unit 2.
The series displayed at Tate has inspired me to continue taking pictures of what I consider as "my community" as Artur took pictures of their community, of African decent.

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The idea of the book shelf is that its showcasing images and pictures that remind me of the concept of “home” now. Having it placed outside the cardboard room physically tells me its out of the place, simply romanticising and staring at the place I am now…

I would either make a shelf unit through wood work, or get my small side table form home home, but i want it to encapsulate me.

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The past  is a section of my life that I consciously ignore and not take consideration of. It is not because I “hate” or traumatised by it, it was just a time of my life I did not learn or take part in a lot.
It contains a collecction of personal items that were orignially there, disorganisedly placed objects of blankets, rubbish, a clock etc.
The window views into a bookshelf (Present) showcasing more objects that were in the past, but remained. It particularly views a painting of the old view back in my “old home”. This link between the tenses is significant to me because it shows the feeling of the past that is there, but I often ignore, with no certain purpose. I do not know how to feel about it to be honest, but it still remains a important part of my life.
The original idea was to have people sit in past part, within the old bedroom. So they would sit and listen to the soundtrack and look outside the window. I wanted people to sit and listen to their own thoughts, whilst sitting with mine. However, due certain structure concern of the cardboard, I thought it will be better to leave it alone, and let it be. But I still wanted the idea of a living being in the installation, so Memphis (The Creature), performed in my installation, looking and reacting as their character.

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Performance and short film

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We talked about what we wanted to do.
Our initial idea for our group was to create an event celebrating Armageddon, and the idea of nature taking over the world. Having a inclusive rave environment , the idea of world-making was hinted throughout the meeting
We also talked about what we wanted to do in this unit, like what mediums and topics. I wanted to explore installation and more painting and the idea of being welcomed or included in a community.

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We talked about potentional venues for out exhibition.
We talked about junkyard at brixton, milkwood community and the safehouse in peckham.

Some us went to see the safehouse for a viewing and turns out we did not like the place.

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This exhibition consisted of an immersive entrance where you are faced with a rat installation, then you go through the rat mouth and then go through corridors full of pipes into the screen room, where the viewers can lay on the bed to watch the hour long film.
I personally loved the whole concept of the exhibition space and the film. I wanted to explore installation work in my practice this unit and I have gotten so much inspiration from it. I liked how there are references form the film in the exhibition. It makes me more included in the work and feels like that the whole experience that you get in the exhibition is part of the film.

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I found these wooden frames from a car boot sale because it seems very homey and cozy. I wanted those connotations to remain as I put the images in because, I wanted to show how when I took those pictures and being at those events is home to me. It is where I feel most welcome and free.

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This meeting was about how it was difficult to find an acceptable venue for the plans we wanted to do, but we settled for the idea of world making.
I think we are a flexible group of young artists, that will create work surrounding the venue.
We also talked about being better as a group, being in meetings and viewings and making sure that we put energy into this project.

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film images manipulated through scrunching techniques

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I wanted to show the moments when i took the image, to remain in the outcome, as I often forget these moments.
I scrunched pictures to show feeling rough, feeling energetic, feeling crazy, and i scrunched some pictures away from a figure to show the focus I wanted the viewers to look at, just like how I did at the time.

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Weems portrayed portraits of African American adolescneces in a grid like manner with coloured overlays to connate the way people used to give different colours to different skin tones as a pejorative term.
I was inspired by the use of colour to symbolise individuality in African heritage and reclaims the derogatory way of labelling them.

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Dew kim is a south-korean artists that graduated from MA Royal College of Art.
Their work focuses on performance, moving image, sculpture and installations, so that is one of the many reasons why I was attracted to them.
Their exhibition, Succulent Humans (2018), imagines an apocalyptic spaces where everything has depleted through the lens of ecology and accompanied by social and ecological orders through intersectional categories such as human needs, gender, desires etc.
I feel like this is a very good artist for the whole group to study, as it relates to the end of human kind, and post human things start to happen.

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Book of spells
I was introduced to Nelson’s installation, and I liked the idea of having one person in there at a time.
I did not have a chance to go visit it, however, I would feel like I would be closed in, in a room with no windows or “freedom” to the outside world, however, the connotations of books, filled with endless stories, and endless possibilities, it creates an contradicting feeling, almost forced into reading “freedom”.

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We talked about the title of our exhibition and ended up with from rapture to reckoning

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In the essay workshop, we made notes based from a powerpoint document. We made notes on the structure of the essay and what to do, for example, we have to question the research we do and what can people can understand from my practice from my essay (context and theories).

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We made a mindmap, to visualise what the direction of the essay is going to be.
We started by writing key words, questions and artists etc.
I finalised with, how has moving places affected my feelings towards displaying emotion, especially love.

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Ajamu is a British artist, curator, archivist and activist.
I am interested in his same-sex fine-art photography series, “Very Private 2022”. This is because it ties well with my interests and the idea of hook-up culture, which is mentioned in my essay.
This series of nude images represents homosexual sexual relations between one man to another, especially in the BIPOC community. The forms of the figures suggest more promiscuous positions, that confronts heterosexual/white relations and reclaims some sort of norm. I believe this because as I look into the series as a whole, it acts as any other photos, nudity or not, sexual or not, provocative or not.
This links to my installation, as it links to the sexual awakening, but also the way I was bought into it. I did not really "come out" or have a big announcement once moving. people just knew, which was comforting, which connotates to the emotion Ajamu expresses through they're series. In addition, this series was captured in 2022, where progressive movements have been heard, which I feel strips the "offensive" and "limited" undertones . Unlike, in media, where most people express who they truly are, tears are involved, large expressions of happiness, sadness, even anger etc. My life is more "dull", in the terms feeling and expressing emotions, and I think Ajamus photography demonstrates that well.

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Scans of cling-film,dirt, leaves, flowers and hands

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To promote our exhibitions, I wanted to continue exploring scanning, and using objects. I used natural items, like dirt and leaves to symbolise nature and cling-film to symbolise human objects.
These are some draft backgrounds.

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Bedroom study

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During this meeting, we made the poster design and planned to promote our exhibition on social media i.e. instagram, eventbrite, artrabbit.
We also discussed and disclosed problems in the group.

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black and white film mixed-media collage

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This series was a way of expressing how I feel about modern trends of using monochromatic black colours in fashion, architecture etc. Even at these queer events ( riposte) where I took these photos, I saw many black clothing. I see this as a way of taking joy and fun out of these queer events. Applying paint, oil pastels, thread etc. to the existing images, creates this statement that I choose to forcefully see colour, and implying that colour makes things more brighter and happier.
Just like how Carrie Mae Weems uses colour in their "coloured people grid" series, I wanted to apply colour to people, but in a different way. Weems uses colour to refer to how people use colour terms for different skin tones, i’m using colour to suggest how it is being stripped from our society, through using black and white film, then applying colour to reinstate the idea of joy into clothing.

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I was majorly inspired by Emin's installation, because it was heavily related to the transition between moving to London. The state of being "free" in the city and having a weight lifted of my shoulder from leaving my town, almost gave me too much freedom, to a point where it became overwhelming, Like Emin's bed, my comfort also became a "mess"
Emin was inspired by here depressive state, "after a long, bedridden bender following a bad break-up" (https://www.artsy.net/article/artsy-editorial-tracey-emins-my-bed-ignored-societys-expectations-women). Similarly to me, as a non-heterosexual student, I want some sort of homosexual connotation in my work for this unit, as there are feminist connotation to her installation through the use of her period stained clothing etc. This is because I believe that gay relationships still fall out the social norm, and with my own personal experiences, I struggle on romance and vulnerability due to the fact the use of social media and globalization mostly showcases hetero-sexual couples.
"After coming to her senses, the artist realized the horror she found herself in." (https://www.widewalls.ch/magazine/tracey-emin-my-bed)

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Planned sketch for installation - procreate

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through weeks of figuring out what my essay would be about, I have decided to write an auto-ethnography, an essay which talk about my own lived experiences, then I would research artists and apply the inspirations to my practice. Which are Tracey Emin and Ajamu X

My title of my essay ;

An Exploration of My Own Self-Development and Applying That to My Practice

The the direction of my essay is to analyse how I have changed from moving to London and how that has abled be to become more free, whilst also tackling with new challenges that I have not experienced before.

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Our group fete, included leaflets to hand our, our poster designs and some food. It was very interesting to see other groups work, like what they have done for promotion, and what they're exhibitions are about.

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Oil on wallpaper
52 x 93 cm

my intention for this painting were non at all, therefore the name “untitled”, I just wanted to get back into painting.
But throughout the process I have managed to engage and intertwine myself into the composition of hands. That seeks for an outcome that they’ll know will never happen.
Asking myself with degrading questions, experiencing a lot of things at once after gaining a certain freedom, and distractions after distractions, are what drove me to finish this unfinished painting.

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We decided to promote our exhibition on Eventbrite, and included ticket only day on the 24th, so we can see how it will be for 25th (crit) and 26th. In addition, we decided to promote it on ArtRabbit too because it would attract arty indiviuals.
We made an Instagram page where we have uploaded the photos, and artist profiles or every artist.

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Come meet nature, creature & machine. Walk through and witness the restoration of culture; treading over the remnants of what came before.

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What does my installation mean to me now.

After Exhibition -
During and whilst setting up the installation, I realised what I wanted my installation to mean to me. I want the installation to show a collection of thoughts and emotions during my life that time, as stressful as it was.
The “present” section of the installation is now more significant to me as it was a part of my life I haven’t been paying attention as much, and now as I write this after my auto-ethnography, and reviewed my last year, it is a part of my life I need to get a handle of at the moment.
The “past” area of the installation still remains as a haze, a blur of history that still has a grasp now, and most likely the future. The shaded atmosphere created by the cardboard structure has connotations to homeless-ness and temporary settlements, which relates to how I felt then.
The “future” part of the installation, is what I hope what my future is based on, painting, and a more general idea of having an art career. The purpose of having it separated from the rest is to show how it is not a part of my life, yet, and how it necessarily can end up as anything.

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The present is the most major and dominant part of the whole installation, as it is happening right now. It contains a lot of items, even more discombobulated than the past, to show my current state of mind.
The items included would show certain characteristics of personality, my likes, my dislikes. For example, butt magazine to represent the gay side of me, cd’s to show my musical side, rubbish to show the laziness etc. etc.
There are photographic series also shown in this area, to show the drastic change of my artistic direction that also happened whilst moving to London. I switched from a painter, what I thought I would be happy doing, into an analogue photographer that also experimented with mix media.
The light represents the now. The current moment of time. It shines on the present and leaves its trace in the past as it shines and reflects from present objects through the window, to resemble how my life somewhat lingers or how “now” looks/stares down at the past.
For short, this section shows how my life is crazy, new, and messy my life is at the moment.

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The future is separated by a path and dirt. The reasoning of this is because the future is the unknown, and you can only hope on it. My hope is still continue art, especially painting, therefore a set of a painting studio was made to create my future aspirations.
The paintings include a finished painting of hands composed to look like eyes, and an unfinished, which is shaped like a cross. I was hit with a feeling of joy when I decided to go back to painting suddenly and my out-look of my future has changed.
The reason there are no visual links or relations to the past and present, and left to the side almost, is because I wanted it to seem like a side thought, ideas that you get about the future but never really act on. I feel like more recently, I have been getting that feeling more and more, and I wanted that thought process to show.

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The purpose of showcasing my photography into the installation is to show how I have changed my main art medium when I moved to London. It shows a change in though process, and almost leaving the past (painting) behind.

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I showed my paintings in the “present” and primarily in the “future” section in the installation.

Why Present?
I wanted to have a couple of paintings in the present section, hidden slightly, because I wanted it to show underlaying and subconscious thoughts of wanting to paint.

Why Future?
The future part of the installation explicitly shows a painting studio. During this whole unit, I realised that I find joy in painting, after months of not doing it. The future shows what I want to do in the “present” time.

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Etching and sculpture

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Soundscape

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Installation and sculptures

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Sculptures

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Installation with photography and paintings

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Installation with ceramics

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The positioning of the installation was originally next to the door, but however, after a meeting, it was decided it was better to place it in the back where there is more space. I did not realised how big the installation was going to be.
The new placement was very ideal, because it was close to the window which faced a public street. Setting up a confessional art piece and having it viewed for three days, whilst being watched by the public, almost feels like some sort of performance, allowing my body and face to be viewed whilst I put myself on the spotlight, whilst being in the process-of being comfortable with my piece.

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oil on wallpaper

The meaning of this piece is similarly to the one I painted before with all the hands. I had no intentions instead I just wanted to paint a figure being engulfed with hands, as I feel I have a certain connection and am fond of the connotations of hands. Like, hands can show so much emotion, through gripping, limping, pointing etc.
The decision of choosing blue for the figure, was to show it was two different things interacting. The blue seems to be drowning in the sea of hands, and the way the hands are grabbing and pulling the figure seems to add an angry and vicious emotion to the piece, almost how I felt during painting that.
The painting was started with dedication and determination, now that feeing has gone down, and the feeling of stress has gone up, it will remain unfinished till the near future.

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Victoria Batchilleria
Maria Clement
Isabella Lopez

Pump House Gallery
Battersea Park

24-25th April 2023

I Loved viewing and critiquing this exhibition because it has been planned out very well. the decisions on placements for these artists and their work are amazing, for example Batchilleria’s tree work was perfectly curated on a floor which views only trees from the windows. This aspect of the exhibition was very interesting to see, there are tiny details like that which grabs my attention that also lays nice next to their work.
Lopez’s sculpture and film has a connection that ties the whole room together. The room was subtly lit with a shade of pink and purples, which creates a new world almost, where the creature (sculpture) has remained in.
Clement’s paintings on the top floor are very enticing, especially to me, as I could relate to the connotations of the paintings, which are about lost/disconnected memories of their home country.

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Installation

Pictures by Isaac Hodgson on film