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The classes is really 180 degrees overturn of my previous belief - that I need to respond between sentences to show that I care. The classes taught me that 10 secs rule is actually what deep listening is about and I started to observe role models around me, noticing that they also do this rule. So from now on, I always remind myself to always practice deep listening in my conversation. Thank you! - Ain Syafiqah

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The classes is really 180 degrees overturn of my previous belief - that I need to respond between sentences to show that I care. The classes taught me that 10 secs rule is actually what deep listening is about and I started to observe role models around me, noticing that they also do this rule. So from now on, I always remind myself to always practice deep listening in my conversation. Thank you! - Ain Syafiqah

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Thank you so much for the opportunity to learn the concept of 'Deep Listening' and to support this amazing initiative.

I am sure, like me, almost all the participant will benefit from this in their personal and professional life.

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I think this method could be quite useful in real-life conversations. I think it's quite normal to be "unconsciously" selfish and care more about expressing yourself, but when you see yourself in an environment that builds a fair exchange of ideas and you know that you will have enough time to express yourself and you will have listened carefully, it vanishes the stress of expressing your ideas and make the conversation really effective. The only condition is to agree on the rules with all of the conversation's sides.

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It was really amazing that I can hear my opposition thought from somebody that i don't have any background about that person, so I can listen with guards down.

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Did anyone have a chance to practice their deep listening across divides?  Would be very interested to know what happened.... 

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Did anyone have a chance to practice their deep listening across divides?  Would be very interested to know what happened.... 

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I am so amped to start a deep listening revolution. Coming from and currently living in a society where divisions run deep, I see this ability to deeply listen as some form of panacea. I look forward to channeling these practical listening techniques into my documentaries and daily interactions. Emily you talked about a Crossing Divides in Journalism event you'll be hosting next week, any chance I can attend? Thanks!

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I’m wondering if and how and where the recorded video/information will be used/shared?
Like, are the breakout rooms also recorded, cos it’s only when we come in and out of the main session that it tells me “recording in action”…?

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It seems like a lot of the techniques we are learning such as the 10 sec rule/meditation is to open up the space for compassion - to intentionally recognise the potential for difference and reconcile that.

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It seems like a lot of the techniques we are learning such as the 10 sec rule/meditation is to open up the space for compassion - to intentionally recognise the potential for difference and reconcile that.

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My question is: is compassion/kindness that is fashioned/intentionally shaped authentic/productive?

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I learned that i had to exercise patience while deep listening . This happened when i was handling a client and at the end of the conversation i was able to clearly get the clients name, the specific issue the client was having and this gave me any essay task to handle the issue .

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How my deep listening has gone this week

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How my deep listening has gone this week

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Really not as easy as I'd thought it would be.

Tried to deep listen to my husband. Asked him, "how was your day?" but he just reeled off a list of things he'd done. I listened but all I could really have said at the end of it all was, "so you're basically saying you're really busy?"

Then tried to deep listen to an acquaintance as we walked along the river with my two dogs. I had just had a strong coffee and was late for our meeting. I also didn't feel comfortable with her and found I couldn't allow for silence as it was just me and her. I did listen as well as I could but when I tried to summarise, she interrupted me so it was quite comical really.

I talked to a friend about the passing of one of our friends' sons on Friday. I even tried it then to be more present not to be just focusing on deep listening as a skill. That would have been crass, I realise. I tried to deep listen but I was so upset myself, it only worked to an extent. Understandable though.

Then deep listened to a colleague who was agitated and really exercised by a situation. She poured out her heart so that was good. I listened as deeply as well as I could. When I tried to summarise, she said, "yeh but there's this as well..." so we just kept going and going. I think this one was probably the most successful of the three. When you're doing it sneakily and not telling the person, it's far more difficult as they are not in the zone and don't realise they're being deep listened to. Well, my four people didn't seem to. Maybe I'm not doing it well enough!

Hey ho. It really changes your attitudes towards conversations though. It calms the interaction down even when it's not that successful or they're not playing ball as it were. You feel like there's more space in the conversation.

Sorry for rambling note!

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Here's something we've been playing around with - all the places you joined us from on Tuesday. We're delighted to have so many people in so many different places join us for this!

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If you want to read more about Deep Listening....

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If you want to read more about Deep Listening....

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I wanted to share with you links to articles that I and others have written that are relevant to this course – so if you want to find out more – you can!

Most of my articles on deep listening are here  https://www.emilykasriel.com/listening

I haven’t yet put there this piece that I wrote after interviewing two participants from the pilot we ran last year with Lebanese citizens (also on zoom) https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-60558016

The late Carl Rogers is a real pioneer in the Deep Listening space.  I particularly recommend this article that he wrote with Richard E Farson https://wholebeinginstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/Rogers_Farson_Active-Listening.pdf

This article in the Harvard Business Review is co-authored by Avi Kluger – a significant academic in the listening space, whose course I participated in and spoke at.     https://hbr.org/2018/05/the-power-of-listening-in-helping-people-change

I mentioned the Silence is Golden academic research on negotiations – more details from the author https://exec.mit.edu/s/blog-post/jared-curhan-says-silence-is-golden-MCTAXYYYLBJZG3XOG2PGCEJPUXBM

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An in-depth piece explaining what Deep Listening is, and the challenges and solutions of developing a Deep Listening approach in order to create impact and cross divides.

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As a person who’s always active the 10 s challenge was somehow difficult for me ! I always have this urge to share what I have with others. I think giving space to the speaker is something good to do knowing that those 10 s are also a space for us to think deeply on what we are going to say next !

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Staying silent and waiting for 10s before speaking was such a challenge!

In the 1st activity, I also muted myself as a listener so I wouldn't be able to interrupt no matter what. In the 2nd activity, I felt more confident as a listener and kept my microphone on while managing to express my feelings only through body language.

One thing that I realized is that when I let myself exercise deep listening, I create images through the speaker's storytelling process, and it's really interesting!

I'm really grateful for sharing your stories Charity, Naw, Ana, and Maryame.

See you next week :)

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Paraphrasing, Summarizing is an important tool in listening. I personally believed the 10 second rule I learned was meant for that. To give time to myself to construct the next words for the speaker.

As a listener, when I gave a good reply/question, which meant I was listening to the speaker. It made the speaker open up and be more natural to continue and be engage in the conversation. I think it is important to let the speaker know that we were listening, that way, they build their trust to continue the conversation with us.

That was a great training session of learning, unlearning and re learning skills that we already have which can be improved.

Happy to connect with everyone espc. Maciaj, Renne, Radikha and Ain during the breakout sessions.

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As i am spiritually active individual i personally get attach to the way session embarked with guided meditation by Emily Kasriel was essence of overall, discussion on deep listening.
speaking, listening, observing demonstration that we carried out in group on different topic was insightful so, keeping all the experience aside and practicing deep listening on variety of assign topic throughout session made me feel that someone is there to hear my speech without any judgement tend to boost my speaking ability subconsciously. Furthermore, to create same kind of impression to partner of my group was highly satisfied.
Thanks for the resource person Emily Kasriel, looking forward to next session.

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I truly enjoyed the session, esp. the opportunity to meet new people. Then just like what the others had been mentioning, I also struggled with the 10-second rule but it's something that I would like to practice more within the week.

Moreover, the session reinforced in me the importance of non-verbal stuff and the removal of possible distractions like phones. (Like even if we're not looking at our phones, it's still good if we would put it in a place where we won't see it while we are listening to others).

Lastly, I also loved how it was emphasized that listening is not just about focusing on people's words, but also on the emotions, the core, and more. It would definitely take time for me to do all of these, but I'm glad I can use the tools mentioned to help me improve my skills.

Thank you for the wonderful session! Looking forward to new learnings next week.

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First time for me to learn all these listening strategies.
This is a very enlightening session and I am very optimistic to the great possibilities that acquiring and perfecting my ability to listen will bring as I work in society.

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It's a first for me to learn all these tips such as waiting for 10-secs for the other person to elaborate more and getting that definite 'Yes!' when making sure we're getting the story shared right.

On self-reflection, I hope to always re-orient (and remind myself) to focus on the person that's sharing the story and keep in mind tp really listen and be attentive as the listener.

Thank you, and happy to connect with you Kubai and Bailey xx

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This is a space where you can discuss what you've learned. You can ask questions, share your experiences as well as offer advice to your fellow participants. Please continue to abide by the British Council's code of conduct in this space. The Crossing Divides team will also be here throughout the next 3 weeks.

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