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The color of my skin is different than the “norm”. I am unable to reach past the line that society created for me. Who am I?

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Racism runs deep in society, from the past to the current. As someone of color, of South-Asian descent, and as a woman, there are times when I am subjected to stereotypes conformed by heteronormative society. I am judged for being brown, I am judged for being part of a race that is a minority group. All judge my very existence. Is this what people of color have to go through generation after generation? Must I always have to reach out first to my oppressors because I am the oppressed?

From one of the class readings by Andre Lorde titled, “Age, Race, Class, and Sex: Women Redefining Difference” Lorde talks of the oppression she receives as a Black, lesbian feminist socialist. No matter where she goes, she is defined/labeled by different groups. What caught my attention was when she mentioned the fact that those who are oppressed are the ones who have to make the first move and bridge the gap of differences between our oppressors, by becoming “them” and not “other”. Then what becomes of self-identity if everyone is the same? Are we all just puppets that have no choice but to follow where the strings move?

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Embracing the feminine side of myself without a care for judgment. What am I? A woman.

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As a woman, I am judged for not being “enough” of a woman. I am not feminine enough nor am I soft-spoken. I can’t cook like I should be able to in my role as a woman. I am not skinny the way beauty standards were pushed. I don’t act the way women should be, timid and submissive in life. If I’m not enough of a woman, then what am I? A man? But I don’t “look” like one and I don’t “act” like one. Then what gender am I that I don’t fit into society’s norm?

Among our class readings, I related very much to Judith Ortiz Cofer’s “The Story of My Body (1993)”. Cofer explains from her perspective as a Puerto Rican girl, who came to live in the United States, how she became “different” from typical white Americans due to the way she looked. She showed how her skin color, her size, and appearance were variables that were judged. This makes me ponder how women were so harshly criticized, especially ones of color back then when it was much more stricter. In current times, unfortunately, this trend still exists and I can attest to that as someone objectified by others just for being born a woman. Gender does not define a person. It does not mean that we have to follow the roles assigned to us based on our biological anatomy.

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Just like this half of a heart is missing the other piece, I am missing the piece of myself that has yet to be discovered. All black and white.

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I grew up with the idea that a woman can only be with a man and that anything besides that is not normal. At first, I did not know what that meant until I first heard the term "gay" from people around me. As a child brimming with curiosity, I asked my teacher, "What does gay mean?" I was explained that it is where two people or more specifically where a man likes another man. Then over time, I got to know what lesbian meant and then bisexual, trans, queer, intersex, etc. Unlike my parents who told me to stay away from "those types of people", I grew up to be very open-minded. I questioned my own sexuality at times and yet I felt fear. Fear that what I may discover about myself would not be accepted by society so I should not delve any further than this. Why should attraction to someone who is not the opposite gender be frowned upon? Heterosexuality and homosexuality essentially share the same components where one loves/attracted to another, the only difference is their genders.

Jonathan Ned Katz' "The Invention of Heterosexuality" talks of how heterosexuality which dates back to the nineteenth century is not universal and is not unchangeable as it was once believed to be. Katz also speaks about how homosexuality was seen as something that is caused by an abnormality in 1930-1945. I, myself never saw any reason to view homosexuality as alien. Recently, I came to conclude with myself that I identify as heterosexual, but I am open to experimenting with the same gender.

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The sky changes to many colors in a whole day. When I find myself, will it be just as colorful? 

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As a woman, I have the ability to have a baby and have as many as I want with my significant other to create a family. However, I will yet again be judged by others for making certain choices for the sake of my child and myself. Reproductive rights are not something to be given, it is something that all women should have in the first place.

I recall reading Angela Davis' "Racism, Birth Control, and Reproductive Rights" where I found out that voluntary motherhood was seen as audacious and outlandish during the nineteenth century. Women had no right to choose when they wanted to be a mother. That choice is solely made by the husband because women's purpose was to satisfy their husband's sexual urges whenever. Birth control was seen as a mockery against women, especially abortion. By all means, women deserve to choose when and if they want a child, especially in matters concerning abortion. Because it's their body that carries a baby for 9 long months. Even in the movie that I watched, "No Mas Bebes" where Latino women were forced to be sterilized, their choices were taken away as well. I will not let myself have my choices for having a child be taken away.

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I found myself. I am welcomed with bright colors. My world is no longer just black and white..

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Prejudices exist no matter what we do. There are prejudices with race, gender, and sexuality as well. Prejudice is the reason why most struggle with self-discovery about themselves. I am one of many that fall into that group. The color of my skin is South Asian brown, does that mean I don't deserve to have privileges? I am a Muslim, does that mean I am a terrorist? I am a female, does that mean I have no right to have equal power as men? If I was lesbian, does that make me less of a normal human? These prejudices are not factual, yet they hold so much power over us.

This reminds me of a point that Leslie Feinberg brought up in "We Are All Works in Progress". Feinberg mentioned that each person should have the right to choose something other than blue or pink. Blue is stereotypically meant to be for boys while for girls it is pink. She also said that bigotry shouldn't go unchecked because that is when prejudice becomes a poison for us. Throughout the GSST course, we learned that there is no single divider or specific category we should follow based on our gender, our class, our race, etc. Falling into stereotypes and unjustified prejudice is not the solution. We need to let go and look at things with an open-mind.