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Appreciated that they tried to continue the conversation about the Nashville trip as a way of moving on (instead of totally transitioning to a simple topic like the weather)

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Alexa named misnaming - giving space for Natasha to apologize.  Natasha coming back to apologize, Nick giving some reflections on his past experience.

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Alexa named misnaming - giving space for Natasha to apologize.  Natasha coming back to apologize, Nick giving some reflections on his past experience.

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Nick taking the time to share his experience added color to the moment for Natasha, allowing her to see the nuance of the situation

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Natasha's apology in the moment was slightly different - more eye contact, shorter, not all about her but then came back around to acknowledge privately

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Natasha's apology in the moment was slightly different - more eye contact, shorter, not all about her but then came back around to acknowledge privately

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We noticed that Alexa took a more neutral tone and just stuck to the facts in the way that she corrected Natasha

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More ownership of the mistake in the moment as well as correction and acknowledgement.

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We have a question about whether Alexa also circles back to Nick?

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We have a question about whether Alexa also circles back to Nick?

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Is it good for Alexa to also check in with Nick a little while later in the party, or does that turn into piling on and drawing out the uncomfortable situation?

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Natasha both acknowledged the harm in the moment and then returned to Nick for a very sincere apology; also Alexa spoke up when observing the micro-aggression to flag that it happened.

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telling Nick to reach out if it happens again would probably feel ingenuine, because its unlikely that he would feel comfortable doing so

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Simple, concrete apology in the moment - and then following up later to discuss in more depth in a more private way without Alexa there, after both people had time to process

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In 1:1 conversation, Nick spent more time on the harm that it caused him, different from the group conversation. How much vulnerability should you expect out of someone?

As the person who caused the harm, you have an obligation to go there with them if that is where they want to go (Nick sharing his experience and meeting them there)

Sharing why the instance was important to Nick might not be comfortable for everyone

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We appreciated how Natasha listened to Nick's story and thanked him for sharing it without trying to make it about herself

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Not sure that Natasha truly recognized the impact - said it was "inappropriate" but didn't show a full understanding of why it was a big deal. It might be better to say "I made a mistake"

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We appreciated how in the second role play the elephant was addressed and the apology was quick, sincere, to the point, and discrete. We had questions about if the second apology would always be necessary.

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Natasha share that she's doing more learning?

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Natasha share that she's doing more learning?

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In Natasha's follow-up, should she have shared that she was going to do more learning and reflecting (part of the "apply")

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"I think you meant to call him him"

"This was not the welcome you deserved"

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To do better next time: Taking time to look at org chart/ ERS staff / name pronunciations on Slack - to prepare 

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To do better next time: Taking time to look at org chart/ ERS staff / name pronunciations on Slack - to prepare 

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What felt better is not transitioning the conversation in the moment (Alexa diverting the conversation) . This reaffirmed the initial content which was a bid for connection between Natasha and Nick

Did Natasha go back and tell Alexa that she followed up with Nick?

Natasha made it less about her in this second scenario - didn't dwell on how apologetic she was

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Instead of Alexa coming to Natasha's rescue and building a sort of allyship, Alexa made the correction and made no excuses.

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Instead of saying to come to me if this happens again

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Instead of saying to come to me if this happens again

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"My door is open if you ever want to talk about this again"

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Alexa could have followed up with Nick directly apologizing for excusing Natasha's actions and helping them make new connections and pointing to resources

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Saying that Nick could reach out to her if this happened again was an interesting way for Natasha to 'apply' the empathy

what are other 'Applies':

taking ownership to keep working on it yourself

reaffirm original intent

being a resource/advocate

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One interesting idea about "publicly" acknowledging the misstep

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One interesting idea about "publicly" acknowledging the misstep

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Are there ways that people in the Natasha role can demonstrate their ongoing learning and commitment to change -- for example naming a DBIE learning goal around building relationships and authentically knowing people or participating in a training adn recommending it to other people

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Natasha could flag to HR that this happened and communicate that she spoke privately and apologized, but that HR should know incase they can provide additional support to Nick.

Also, Natasha can deliberately build a relationship with Nick and set up some touchpoints to repair the interpersonal harm

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What can Natasha say that feels more like she will be more thoughtful/attentive in the future? How does she commit to "application" other than just doing it?

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Person B actually had a great insight about the quality of the slides -- that the team then follows through on - but they are not thanked for acknowledged for their good idea

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No pause to reflect on where communication broke down

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No pause to reflect on where communication broke down

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Person B did try to reach out -- albeit not by email -- but that doesn't get acknowledged as a mistake on both sides

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Dismissive language, not acting as a team

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Dismissive language, not acting as a team

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Person A can take responsibility for not being available to the team (vs. "did you email?"). Person A can also seek to understand Person B's input in the moment.

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In hindsight, Person A shouldn't have cancelled the meeting - how could the team have noticed this?

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In hindsight, Person A shouldn't have cancelled the meeting - how could the team have noticed this?

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The cancellation should have been avoided -- ideally through more of a dialogue about what was on the agenda

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Unclear norms on when to use emails, slacks, fly bys etc.

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We think there was an opportunity for Person B&C to collaborate going into this meeting

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Breakdowns in communication - what are the root causes?

1. What would I have done the week leading up to this?

2. What would I do in this specific moments?

Manager could have been much quicker to acknowledge the challenge of being stretched on her time - which would have allowed Person B to respond

Lack of team norms - Slack vs email

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Person A had an opportunity to set up the work so that Person B gets one more rep at the feedback to work this afternoon/evening and then Person C gets it in the morning

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How can all team members help each other be more creative?

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How can all team members help each other be more creative?

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All team members are in a fixed mindset around the options on the table -- due to a mix of stress and fear. How can all the team members help each other step back and look at all the options on the table. Maybe inviting someone else in to give a fresh perspective?

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each person needs grace from their team members in different ways

Person A to 'just do the work' might be the only viable solution, but they should address that with their team and think about how it would feel to their team members

Clearly communicate the emotional experience you're having - across the board

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o   Way to go person C standing up for their work-life balance

o   Person B didn’t get any empathy

o   This feels very realistic

o   Was there a communication about working styles? No acknowledgement of responsibility on the side of the person in a position of power

o   No attempt at collaboration; just took the work back instead of working on how to solve it together.

o   Person A unwilling to rearrange their schedule for the following day, but fine asking for others to rearrange their schedule.

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-Poor norm setting - how to contact team members and follow up with them

-Person C should have communicated overwork with secondary

-Person A should communicate with supervisor and coach

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Many opportunities for Person A to take responsibility, celebrate the work being done, and be more human.

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Scheduled too late before the partner's review, particularly since Person A hadn't yet seen the work

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The interaction between Person A being overworked/feeling imposter syndrome likely causes her to not be communicative about the struggles she is facing in managing the workstream.