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If we were in charge of the world…

By: Kamariana & Kaitlyn

If we were in charge of the world

Those who say gay as an insult got to jail

Flaws wouldn’t be commented on because,

Everyone is flawless

Suspected fake friends walk through light

To see if they’re real or not.

If we were in charge of the world,

There’d be a rule that sisters

Can’t come in your room and wear your clothes

No one commenting on my music

Because they can’t give their opinion until they listen.

If we were in charge of the world

You wouldn’t have drawn on eyebrows

People commenting on your clothes

You wouldn’t have people who wear shirts they don’t understand.

Because we’ll make them understand.

If we were in charge of the world

People who discriminate

Get terminated

And there would be shorter school days

And if the ice cream machine is broken at MCD

We’ll say OK.

And make them unbreakable.

If we were in charge of the world

There’d be no labels

And things will be CHANGEABLE.

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May 18, 2017

Kamariana Starks-Portis

Dear Kamaria & Keijahvey

Thank you for your concern in my outfit, face, and mental state. In fact I'm glad you care because sometimes it seems like you don’t. I'm happy you find the time to come up with all your dislikes. I love that you are so truely honest.

Kamaria, you always seem to notice all the flaws but never seem to notice the good parts about me. Commenting on my clothes and how I dress, saying things like, “You dress white” but it doesn’t make any sense because someone can’t dress white unless you put girl at the end. You both call me a scary cat and that I’m always getting babied. But it's not my fault that i'm the only responsible one, that i’m the only one that actually listens and follows the rules. You both would be trusted if you tried to be a GOOD NOODLE like me. You guys also call me lazy, bipolar, and crazy. But, you call me lazy? But everytime i tell you guys to clean, do dishes, or even wipe the table you sit there and say it is my problem and i do it so we won get in trouble.

So in the interest of the both of you understanding who i am, I like to set the record straight about a few things. First, I understand that I overdressed sometimes and for that I have no words. I know that  I’m always trying to impress you or someone else and I acknowledge that. It's a habit i'm trying to break. But it’s hard to because of today's society. Also, I make myself seem weak and sensitive, and afraid. Anxiety has taken a part of me. So I try to work on that. I'm way to energetic to stand down to regular standards, and I embarrass you, sorry if I offend you. Most importantly, I have problems of my own, and I act out of anger. I use my past and people who hurt me as an excuse, making others including you feel unloved and not cared for by me.We all been through a storm which is still continuing till this day.

But you know what? I also make people feel happy, and give them a uplifting feeling with my sense of humor. To begin to understand why I dress and act the way I do you need to know the Kamariana before the trauma and pain. I don't like talking about my past, it hurts too much. We’d grown up living in different houses back to back. We all spent our fair time in the system. We saw and dealt with things no child should have. I also like dressing nice it makes me feel like I have something I know I don’t have, and yes I am a scary cat, and I do get babied A LOT, but that is only because the whole family knows how sensitive I am and what WE have been through also how I let things bother me so easily.  Now the thing about me being crazy. I just think things others don’t and… I LOVE IT, because i’m a unique person, i’m also an angry person and there's no way I can explain that. With all this I still keep up with my nice, sweet, and respectful persona because that’s who I am on the outside.

So that’s it.

These are the actual fact surrounding my personality and this is my truth and not the one that comes from your head. I really don't know how you come up with it. All your comments and ideas of who I am. What I do know is the following: I DO NOT listen to “White people music”, neither do i dress “white”. I am an senstive babied girl who lets people run over me, i also have a very bright and dark imagination which I LOVE and kind of hate. I make bad impressions, but I am a funny kind person and I want to make people feel great and amazing, And I truly believe that and I won’t let your words hurt me. If you see me someday, please say something nice, and make me feel loved. I won’t be angry because of what you said before, but I will be stronger and make sure whatever you say builds me.

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By: Kamariana Portis

Aurora, Colorado.
The home of drug addicts and determination

My mom says that back when she was little

She’d  moved here.

That was 14 years ago.

Since she’d moved here things have changed

Addiction, loss, car crash, and pregnancy

Overcame her life

Those things that happened to my mom

Were lessonns and Memory’sMemories I can’t forget .

But then there’s my life.

Foster Care, Homelessness, and verbal abuse.

That’s the life l lived.

A life many live

Colorado is known to be the place to get away.

Mile-High.

Skiing and and camping in the mountains.

The aroma of food, gasoline, weed, and dog food

overwhelm you

Hits you in the face as if it were a ball

Here in Colorado

Walking downtown in Denver

Being approached by strange people

But they have a story too.

Most are educated and have jobs like..

Teachers, Mcdonald employer’s, and working in dispensaries.

Holidays people have festivals and parties

Like 4/20 or the election

In nice neighborhoods the sound of dogs barking

In bad neighborhoods it’s sirens, crashing and yelling.

Here in Aurora, Colorado

We try to find a way to avoid sorrow.

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Mom

By: Kamariana Portis

The year 2010 when life was easy.

When mom was happy

And healthy.

But then one night changed that life.

I can see that fear in grandma’s eyes

Knowing that you might die.

Thinking why’d you get in that car?

And why the hell you went that far.

I watched my grandma carefully

Like she was the T.V.

When she walked out that door

To come see you.

I felt the pain cover my heart

As if it were a blanket.

Then I hear the story.

You gotten into that car

But then it got out of control

You flipped and spun into a tree

And slid into misery.

Next thing you know you're in the hospital

In a coma.

At the time I didn’t know so i spent why nights

Just not knowing

Then you finally woke up.

Asking for those you love most…

You’re children.

I see you in that bed

Knowing things will never be the same.

Thinking at least I have my mother

Knowing that your heart is still beating.

When you come home

I comfort you, or at least I try

Looking into my mother’s eyes

I know it’s going to be alright.

Well… until pain pills and addiction got in the way of our

ALMOST happy lives.

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I’m thinking about you like…

By: Kamariana Portis

Well I’m in Literacy class right now…

And I’m thinking about you like crazy!

Like,

Pop-tarts think about filling

And flowers think about blooming

And right now i’m assuming

You're in class too.

Well Duh

I’m thinking about you,

Like girls think about their eyebrows

Or boys think about…

You know what? I don’t even know.

But all I know is I’m thinking about you.

Like,

Kids think about getting out of class

And the earth’s mass

You know, If their in science

Well what’s the point of thinking?

When I can just say it!

So, soon as the bell rings,

I’ll bring you that poptart I mentioned

And say,

I’M THINKING ABOUT YOU!!

Because you know I can’t leave class

I’m a GOOD NOODLE.