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A history book that tells me who Abraham Lincoln is instead of my feed trying to sell me a top hat and bannering me with copper pennies and ads for a .44-caliber derringer.

A unette that doesn't think I'm some clone-mutant, ugly freak, who wants to go to the moon and doesn't let me go in mal every time I think too much.

A feed that turns off when I am trying to think through something and that stops sending me ads for the shit that I'm trying to stop doing.

Wanted: a unlinked Link.

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Link, just buy it.

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Link, just do it.

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"Talk about the great taste of Coca-Cola with your friends a thousand times in the next three hours and receive a year's supply of Coke." (p. 158)

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Link is no longer available.

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Titus: unit?

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*click*

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Want to go in mal? click here for rates!

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I need to malfunction.

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I need to malfunction.

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Dates taste great--buy them today!

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Today's date is January 21,  212---

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Need a date? Looking for a unette who's youch? Join MoonDates today an-

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"thinking about youuuuuuuu, when I am so bluuuuuuuuueeee----"

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Want to go in mal? click here for rates!

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Link: maybe you do, unit.

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Titus: maybe I do, unit.

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Link: ever since you started dating that girl, you think you know more than me.

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Titus: fuck, unit, is that all you ever think about?

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Link: mal?

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Titus: what, unit?

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1. Go in mal. On the moon. Without getting hacked.

2. Meet a youch unette. Maybe do more than just hook up?

3. Win a feed advertising contest.

4. Have other people think that I'm youch.

5.a. Know what "not the quickest bunny in the centrifuge means"

5.b. Understand why people describe me in that way.

6. Figure out who Abraham Lincoln is.

7.a. Find out why I am his clone and why I am a secret patriotic experiment.

7.b. Find out if I am doing a good job being an experiment.

8. Get some sort of cream or medicine or pill or lesion so that I'm not always taller than everyone else.

9. Be able to think about drinking a coke without my feed being bannered full of coca-cola ads and carbonation images and a sudden unquenchable thirst. Why am I so thirsty all of a sudden?

10. Be somewhere that doesn't feel as null as I do right now.

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(inspired by Violet...sort of p. 229)

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Violet and Titus’ relationship, if you call it that, seems pretty null. They just like to talk and stuff and Titus doesn’t want to go in mal or take trips or take the upcar out just to drive around and see if there are any meg big parties happening.Violet seems different from Titus. She likes to read and think about stuff that most unettes don’t think about. She doesn’t want to get lesions like Quendy or Calista. She makes Titus pretty null.

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Link: Unit

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Man, this summer is dark. Like meg dark. Darker than a lot of summers before, and I’m not talking light man, I am talking the way it feels. Somehow I am feeling like I’m flatlining. Like every summer has been null and each one gets more null, like no matter where I am now I feel like I am missing something. Missing something? Try brainiac backing chips, today---the easy, removable hardware chip that makes it so you won’t forget. Now in ten new colors, including metalli---- Fuck you, I don’t want that. I meant missing something, like I am missing some thing but I don’t know what that thing is and I feel like some meg null bonesprocket for thinking like this. Man, these are the dark days. Whatever happened to lesions? Even those suppurations all over Quendy were better than no skin at all. Want suppurations? Lesions that look like leechs for days? Always. all ways point towa---- shit. Being in mal would be better than this. Better m-chat Marty or Titus and see if they want to malfunction. But Marty’s all Nike endorsing and shit now and Titus is a---want to be like Mike? we mean, like Marty? Let us pay for you, Link. Like Link? Think Link. Advertise through this link, Lin--- did somebody say links? Click this link to see the coolest new hairstyle that will make all the unettes say “youuuucccchhhhhhh----- You’re so youch, come get off the couch, come over to Mega Mall todaaaaaaaaaaaaaa---

This is FeedTech Headquarters. Link Arwaker, your system is malfuntioning. Are you in mal? Please contact your FeedTech representative if you are not in mal and this glitch is a virus and not because you chose to malfunctio----- ...

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"Everything was not always going well, because for most people, our hair fell out and we were bald, and we had less and less skin. Then later there was this thing that hit hipsters. People were just stopping in their tracks frozen. At first, people thought it was another virus, and they were looking for groups like the Coalition of Pity, but it turned out that it was something called Nostalgia Feedback. People had been getting nostalgia for fashions that were closer and closer to their own time, until finally people became nostalgic for the moment they were actually living in, and the feedback completely froze them…” (278).

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I am Link Arwarker.

My friends say I am tall

butt-ugly

and rich

that kind of old rich that’s like radiation

they say

so that it’s always going in invisible

waves

and people suddenly want to be

guys

with me.

My friends are a good looking group

except me

their hair is greasy

skin

pale.

I try.

I mean,

I have lesions.

one

on

my jaw.

red and

wet-looking.

standing out

by trying to stand

in.

My friends think I am hideous

"perhaps some texture there"

they say,

until I open

my mouth, that is.

In response

I chose

to keep it closed

until my lesions

spread across my lips so that
I no longer have

to open them.

My family says that I am part of a

secret patriotic experiment.

My real name is

Abraham Lincoln.

His DNA a replica

of mine.

My friends know I’m a clone.

But what they don’t know is that

I am not just a clone of a man

from history

I am a clone

of humanity

hoping to malfunction

in space

to stop

the way

they

judge

me.