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Mr. V with School Culture Solutions - The Continuum of Restorative Practices

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Mr. V with School Culture Solutions - The Continuum of Restorative Practices

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The Restorative Practices Continuum | School Culture Solutions

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The new question-of-the-week is:
What are practical ways to implement restorative practices?
In Part One, Dr. Sheila Wilson, Maurice McDavid, Timothy Hilton, Ashley McCall, Bryan Harris, and Kara Pranikoff contributed their commentaries. You can listen to a ten-minute conversation I had with Sheila, Maurice, and Timothy on my BAM! Radio Show. You can also find a list of, and links to, previous shows here.

Today, Erika Niles, Gina Laura Gullo, Cheryl Staats, Kelly Capatosto, Ricky Robertson, Victoria Romero, and Dr. Laura Greenstein share their recommendations.

The next question-of-the-week can be found at the end of this post.
Suspensions don't improve school culture Erika Niles is an instructional coordinator in St. Louis and has served in the field of education for over 20 years as a teacher, instructional coach, and specialist. She works relentlessly to develop systems that ensure all students feel a sense of belonging while learning at high levels:
Suspensions don't improve school culture, and predetermined consequences don't change behavior. A growing understanding among educators indicates an increase in concerns about the effectiveness of punitive discipline and suspensions. Most research shows that traditional forms of discipline actually exacerbate bullying, violence, poor academic performance, and a decrease in social-emotional health. Conversely, research shows that restorative approaches can transform student behavior and build healthy school communities. Restorative practice, by simple definition, is a social-science approach that enables those who have been harmed to communicate the impact of the harm to those responsible, and for the person causing the harm to accept responsibility and work to make it right with the person harmed and the community at large. This requires a shift from a zero-tolerance, top-down discipline approach to a relationship-based practice in which teachers help students engage in reflective conversations as a means to understand the harm the actions caused.

While many traditional forms of discipline are focused on the misbehavior and the punishment of the offender, restorative practice focuses on the offender and the victim. Instead of a for or to mentality, there is a shift to working with the offender, helping him or her process as a means to own the wrong and working to make it right with the victim and the community. Because people are the nucleus of restorative practice, a culture that emphasizes the importance of relationships and trust through its messages must be established and felt within the entire community. As a result, one of the greatest challenges to successful implementation of restorative practice is that you need buy-in from the entire community. This is not to say you can't implement aspects of restorative practice in practical ways with positive results.

Affective statements are a great place to start if you're looking to implement restorative practice, as they provide the opportunity to teach an empathetic foundation needed for all other parts of RP. Using an "I statement" to make the person causing harm aware of the impact their choice has, affective statements help to shift the dynamic between those who caused harm and those who have been impacted. The typical affective statement is framed as follows: I feel ______ when you ______ because ________. These statements allow the focus to remain on the behavior as opposed to the student making the choice.

Circles are another simple, yet highly-effective way to build community and problem-solve as part of RP. In the proactive sense, circles are structured processes that bring participants together for a variety of reasons: check-in, problem-solving, community building, celebrating. Circles can also be used in response to missteps as a means to repair harm to the classroom community. The Little Book of Circle Processes by Kay Pranis is a great resource for learning more about circles.

Despite our proactive efforts, which should account for 80 percent of restorative practice implementation, students will take missteps. A shift of language is a practical restorative way to respond to these missteps. For example, when a negative event takes place, rather than asking the student, "What did you do?," you might ask, "What happened?" Other restorative questions used to process conflict and/or wrong-doing:

What happened?

How did it happen?

What were you thinking?

What are you thinking now?

What can we do to make it right?

Much like affective statements, restorative questions place emphasis on the incident, allowing the person causing harm to think about the impact of his or her behavior. It's important to include the victim in these conversations by asking what he/she needs in order to feel safe.

Regardless if you are a teacher, counselor, or building leader, it's important to remember that it takes about four years to see the impact of restorative practice. The best advice I can give is stick with it. While results won't be immediate, they will be long lasting.

Restorative practices require modeling Gina Laura Gullo is an educational equity consultant with GLG Consulting and a researcher of unintentional bias and interventions that serve to lessen the impact of such biases. She also is an adjunct and mentors in educational leadership at several Mid-Atlantic universities. Kelly Capatosto is a senior research associate at the Kirwan Institute for the Study of Race and Ethnicity. Kelly's work focuses on race and cognition-how peoples' perceptions of race impact our decisionmaking and maintain social inequities. Cheryl Staats is an education author and researcher with a background in implicit racial/ethnic bias: 1. Create a Shared-Values Classroom Community
This first step intentionally reflects Shane Serif's first step in implementing restorative practices at the school level because it is a critical starting point. The community must be intentionally developed through whole-class discussion and values creation. This includes giving all students a chance to collaborate in the development of core values, writing those core values and posting them where all can read them, and respecting and referring to the values when they are interrupted. (See our book, Implicit Bias in Schools: A Practitioner's Guide, for some considerations during this process.) When the students can internalize these, they can begin to hold themselves responsible and work with others to restore those values when issues arise.
2. Engage in Proactive Circles 3. Intervene in Behavioral Infractions Rather Than Responding 4. Center Students' Leadership in the Community
Communities engaging in restorative practices should allow for students to become leaders in the community. This includes engaging students in decisions made for the community and providing opportunities for affective statements. For example: When the day must be reorganized or rescheduled, allow students to have a voice in the restructuring. Be sure to check in with students about both positive and negative reactions to occurrences using affective statements about emotional reactions. "How did you feel about the change in schedule last Thursday?" or "Seeing students arrive to class late makes me feel like this class is less valued. How do you feel when your classmates arrive late?"
5. Model, Model, Model
Restorative practices require modeling for other teachers and staff, students, and administrators. The teacher must be a representative member of the classroom community. Students should see the classroom values reflected in the way the teacher behaves inside and outside the classroom and be able to learn how to be an ideal community member from watching.

Teachers should be aware that implementing restorative practices may not be as simple as it seems. Avoid being discouraged when a classroom culture shift does not happen overnight. Be patient and persistent. Give yourself and your students time to develop the skills and knowledge needed without rushing the process. Begin the journey one step at a time.

"Talk, Trust, Feel, Repair" As a consultant and coach, Victoria Romeo is an educator with over 42 years of experience working as a classroom teacher, principal, consultant, and instructional coach. Victoria is the co-author of the book, Building Resilience in Students Impacted by Adverse Childhood Experiences: A Whole-Staff Approach, published by Corwin: Talk Trust Ricky Robertson assists schools in developing trauma-informed systems of support and Restorative Practices that foster resilience and success for staff and students. Ricky is the co-author of the book, Feel Building Resilience in Students Impacted by Adverse Childhood Experiences: A Whole-Staff Approach Repair , published by Corwin.

Start small. Don't begin with your most challenging student or a severe behavior; rather, start with a conflict that feels manageable and gradually take on more challenging incidents.

Prepare. Talk with each person involved prior to the restorative conversation to understand each person's perspective and assess their willingness to participate in the restorative process.

Document. When you bring the parties together, document the outcomes of the conversation. Restorative conversations are not just about students saying they are sorry but are intended to result in actions that repair harm.

Follow-up. Ensure that the person responsible for the harm has taken the agreed upon action(s) and everyone involved is aware of the outcomes.

Relationships are the foundation of effective teaching and learning. When we build trust and belonging in our classrooms, our students take risks to learn and grow. However, in every classroom, conflict will inevitably arise. How we respond can either deepen our capacity to connect and teach our students or erode trust and diminish their success as well as our own.

While none of us became educators because we wanted to send our students to prison, we work within a system that has created a school-to-prison pipeline through its reliance on punitive and exclusionary discipline. Restorative Practices are a key component of transforming our education system. Schools have adopted Restorative Practices that keep students in schools, strengthen relationships, and respond to discipline equitably with care for the social-emotional needs of students.
When Assessment Becomes Restorative A lifelong educator, Dr. Laura Greenstein has served as a teacher and school leader, professor and professional-development specialist. Her passion for excellence in assessment is evident in her numerous books, articles, and blogs on the topic:
Because implementing Restorative Practices can be difficult, we offer suggestions through a Talk, Trust, Feel, Repair framework, adapted from our book on trauma-informed practices, Building Resilience in Students Impacted by Adverse Childhood Experiences: A Whole-Staff Approach(Corwin, 2018).

Take a moment to reflect on these questions: How do you build trust with your students? How do you know if a student trusts you?

Trust is integral to healthy relationships and is always tested in times of conflict. We can build and maintain trust through routines, aligning our words and actions, sharing about ourselves in ways that are relevant and helpful, and eliciting and incorporating feedback to show that we value student voice.

As stewards of the restorative process, we must attend to our emotional well-being. If an incident has left us emotionally escalated, it is best to wait before engaging in a restorative conversation or ask a colleague to facilitate it. Ongoing professional development that helps educators explore our beliefs about student learning, unpack our biases, and develop self-care goals to build our resiliency is essential.

If you are beginning to implement Restorative Practices:
Reciprocal conversation starter: Tell me what was clear and/or confusing about your learning and assessment.
Restorative Practices are an investment in our students. They require planning, practice, and patience. However, they have the potential to teach some of our most valuable lessons.
Responsive question for learners: Can you think of other ways to show your learning?

Reciprocal conversation starter: Tell me about what did and didn't work with your plan and process.
A BIT OF BACKGROUND
Respectful question: Can you describe steps to improve your grades? How can I help?
The path to restorative assessment began with restorative justice, a set of principles and practices for repairing and responding to conflict and wrongdoing. Restorative justice developed into restorative educational practices that empower students to resolve conflict through peer-mediated conversations. Aligning these restorative principles with educational assessment means re-engaging learners, restoring their control and confidence, refocusing assessment as learning, and respecting all learners as they progress toward mastery.

Next Question!
Assessment becomes restorative when it repairs harm from ineffective practices, engages reluctant learners, builds self-reliance, and encourages progress. Restorative assessment shifts the focus from assessments that indicate deficiencies to ones that illuminate strengths. With appropriate routines, all types of learners, from disengaged to divergent thinkers, can make progress toward mastery. Restorative assessment includes four essential elements
What are the best ways we can support Long-Term English Language Learners?
RESTORATIVE IN PRACTICE

Reciprocal and Purposeful means that learning intentions are visible and understood by both student and teacher. Expectations are clear and exemplars are available. Transparency, authenticity, and accountability form a safety net. When anyone stumbles, be it the teacher, student, or learning partners, interventions and resolutions are prompt, focused, and instructive

Responsive and Balanced (a.k.a. comprehensive) assessment relies on multiple types of evidence of student learning. It responds to strengths and challenges with just-right adjustments to practice, pacing, and depth. A formative approach, embedded throughout teaching and learning, incorporates feedback that is timely, specific, and actionable.

Refocused and Inclusive assessment considers the needs of all learners and sustains students as goal-setters and planners. It is fair and unbiased. Relevant learning intentions and reasonable challenge are combined with transparency, flexibility, and support.
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Respectful assessment starts and ends with the learner. It relies on multiple assessment methods throughout the taxonomies of learning, continually monitoring progress. From knowing to creating, students rely on their strengths and overcome setbacks through reflection and self-assessment.

Synthesizing and relying on confirmed best practice in assessment improves learning outcomes for all students. This doesn't require an extreme makeover but rather relies on purposeful practice, complementary pathways, and balanced approaches that engage the whole community and get everyone moving forward on the ramp to success.

The next question-of-the-week is:

Your responses are welcome!

Thanks to Erika, Gina, Cheryl, Kelly, Ricky, Victoria, and Laura for their contributions.

Please feel free to leave a comment with your reactions to the topic or directly to anything that has been said in this post.

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What It Takes to Apply Restorative Practices in Schools (Opinion)

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The new question-of-the-week is: What are practical ways to implement restorative practices? In Part One, Dr. Sheila Wilson, Maurice McDavid, Timothy Hilton, Ashley McCall, Bryan Harris, and Kara Pranikoff contributed their commentaries. You can listen to a ten-minute conversation I had with Sheila, Maurice, and Timothy on my BAM! Radio Show.

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Hammond distinguishes the differences between culturally responsive education, multicultural education and social justice education. Each is important, but without a focus on building students' brain power, they will experience learning loss.

When it comes to distance learning, applying culturally responsive teaching requires "remixing" education by borrowing from the best practices in how kids learn (Montessori, project-based learning, etc.) in a way that repositions the student as the leader of his own learning. By giving students more agency, the idea is to disrupt old routines around teaching and learning that make the student dependent on the teacher for receiving knowledge.

"It's going to stretch us a little out of our own comfort zones, but it's worth it in the long run if we can get students to continue to do that thinking," said Hammond.

She advises three strategies to help students gain that independence:

1. Deepen background knowledge

Many educators are understandably wondering whether they should teach new content or review familiar material. Hammond encourages educators to do the latter because cognitively dependent learners often have gaps in their background knowledge . "A lot of our students are compliant learners," she said. "They're having a hard time shifting right now [because] they're used to the worksheet, but that doesn't mean they're always processing information."

She advises teachers to help students connect new things they're learning to their brain's existing schema - also known as background knowledge - that comes from home, their community, their interests. Teachers can then give them authentic tasks that help them make meaning and connections. This helps turn new inert information into usable knowledge. "You cannot give another person background knowledge," she explained. "They have to acquire it, but as teachers we can help guide the process." This can be done by building upon student interest.

"Survey your students if you don't know what they like," said Hammond. Ask them what books they enjoy reading or what topics get them super excited. She said It doesn't matter if their interests are broad or narrow; it's important to learn what interests them so that you can use that information to:

Assign non-fiction books that build on student interests.

Create a "Netflix" playlist of documentaries, nature shows, historical events, etc.

Encourage kids and parents to do a walk-about, if that's possible in their community, following social distancing guidelines. Encourage parents and students to seek out community curiosities (landmarks or interesting sights) relevant to students' interest.

With each of these activities, it's important to give the students direction so they know what to look out for. "You have to tell the brain what to pay attention to," Hammond explains. She suggested questions like, "What was your biggest surprise from this book/show?" or thinking routine sentences like "I Used to Think ___. But, now I think ____."

She said to always make sure that students do something with the knowledge as well. She suggested having them share interesting facts they learned either during video conferences or via an audio/video clip. For those students with limited internet access, encourage them to share what they learned with their parents.

2. Cultivate cognitive routines

Growing students' brain power during distance learning starts with building cognitive routines. These routines are essential to processing and hardwiring information in the brain.

"Be the personal trainer of their cognitive development," Hammond said. To do this, she suggested having a routine set of prompts in each packet that become a regular part of the way students think. That way, students begin to think that way even when you're not in the classroom to reinforce that way of thinking.

One example is to ask students to connect the "unknown to the known" or across concepts by asking questions like, " What's the relationship or connection between these things?" or "How does this part fit into the whole? What are the parts of this whole?" These may seem simple, but these questions are critical when it comes to processing information so that students internalize these prompts until they become almost instinctual.

She said students should also be encouraged to sketchnote or doodle to actively process what they're learning as an alternative to note-taking. Sketchnoting can encourage people to make deeper connections to what they're hearing.

3. Build word wealth

Building a student's vocabulary is a key tool in equity strategies for schools. "Kids have different interests in words so find out where their energy is. You can have a differentiated assignment around word collecting, but the idea is to get them actively involved in word consciousness," said Hammond. She said there are many small but high-leverage ways to do this, such as introducing robust word study. A teacher can help students engage in wordplay, word consciousness and word knowledge. This should not happen through a worksheet assignment, but rather begin with building word consciousness of words in their community, home and home language.

Word games like Scrabble, Heads Up, Taboo or even word searches are small familiar but high-leverage activities because they're fun but also require a high cognitive load. You can create your own versions of these games and have students do this in any language. Students can also do word collecting activities like scavenger hunts, or make poetry using magnetic poetry. Students can also do a contrastive analysis, by comparing words they might find in Urban Dictionary to those they might find in a standard dictionary.

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How to Develop Culturally Responsive Teaching for Distance Learning | KQED

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Culturally responsive teaching is a powerful way to help students become independent learners, and it can be especially valuable during distance learning.

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When Perception and Reality Collide: Implicit Bias and Race

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High school lesson plan to help students explore the role of implicit bias in perceptions of African-American boys and men.

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A three-phase process helps build strong teacher-student bonds, which can reduce disruptive behavior.

©Shutterstock/Monkey Business Images

It's a daunting but all-too-common sight for many teachers: A classroom full of rowdy students who are unable to focus on the lesson. Classroom management techniques may get things back on track, but valuable time has already been lost.

Many experienced teachers know that making meaningful connections with students is one of the most effective ways to prevent disruptions in the first place, and a new study set out to assess this approach. In classrooms where teachers used a series of techniques centered around establishing, maintaining, and restoring relationships, academic engagement increased by 33 percent and disruptive behavior decreased by 75 percent-making the time students spent in the classroom more worthwhile and productive.

"Strong teacher-student relationships have long been considered a foundational aspect of a positive school experience," explains Clayton Cook, the lead author of the study and a professor at the University of Minnesota. When those relationships are damaged, student well-being may be affected, leading to academic and behavioral problems.

In the study, teachers used an approach called Establish-Maintain-Restore to build positive interactions with students-a total of 220 in fourth and fifth grade-and boost their sense of belonging. (A follow-up study with middle school teachers used the same strategies, with similar results.) Relationship-building was broken down into three phases: the first meeting, maintenance throughout the school year, and points when a relationship may suffer damage, with useful strategies for each phase.

Since it can be easy for some students to fall through the cracks, a relationship reflection form-like the one we share here-can help teachers take notes on each individual student and highlight ones who need the most attention.

Starting on a Positive Note

At the start of the school year, the teachers in the study made time for establishing relationships. "The goal is to ensure all students feel a sense of belonging that is characterized by trust, connection, and understanding," Cook and his colleagues explain. For students with learning or behavioral problems, cultivating positive relationships provided "protective effects" that helped them stay focused on learning.

"Bank time" with students. Schedule one-on-one meetings with students to get to know them better. The goal is to "make deposits into the relationship" to help ease conflict in the future if you have to give constructive feedback or address disruptive behavior.

Encourage student-led activities. Students feel more invested in their learning if given opportunity to share their interests. Teachers can step aside, be supportive, and listen.

Welcome students into the classroom. Activities such as positive greetings at the door and icebreaker questions help create a warm classroom culture.

Use positive communication techniques. Open-ended questions, reflective listening, validation statements, expressions of enthusiasm or interest, and compliments help students-especially shy or introverted ones-ease into classroom discussions.

To establish positive relationships, teachers can:

Maintaining Relationships

Without active maintenance, relationships deteriorate over time, the study authors point out. Teachers may focus too much on academics and not enough on supporting students' emotional well-being, slowly using up the banked time they initially built up with students.

Take note of positive and negative interactions with students. Teachers should aim for a five-to-one ratio.

Regularly check in with students. Ask how they're doing and what support they may need. In an Edutopia article, Todd Finley explains how 5x5 assessment time helped him focus on a handful of students every day.

Acknowledge good behavior. When teachers focus attention on positive conduct, disruptive behavior is stemmed before it becomes an issue.

Teachers can maintain relationships by continuing to implement the strategies above, and in addition they can:

Repairing Harm Before Things Get Worse

Eventually, negative interactions such as misunderstandings, conflict, or criticism can weaken a teacher-student relationship. If these negative interactions are left unaddressed, students may feel disengaged and be less willing to participate in activities. They may also be more likely to misbehave, creating further damage. So it's important for teachers to "intentionally reconnect" with students to restore the relationship to a positive state.

Let go and start fresh. Teachers should avoid holding mistakes over a student's head, instead giving them a chance to start each day with a clean slate.

Take responsibility for their actions. Teachers can avoid blaming students when things go wrong, and think, "What could I have done to avoid the problem in the first place?" They shouldn't be afraid to apologize when that's called for-doing so helps build trust with students.

Show empathy. There are two sides to every story, and a teacher can acknowledge that students may have a different perspective about what happened.

Focus on solutions, not problems. Teachers can work with students to find a solution that everyone feels is fair.

Separate the deed from the doer. It's important to criticize the behavior, not the person. If teachers label children as "problem students," there's a danger that they'll internalize that label, making it more likely that they'll repeat the behavior in the future.

When relationships need repair, teachers can:

The takeaway: Effective classroom management starts with relationship building. When students feel a greater sense of belonging, they're more likely to be academically engaged and demonstrate positive behavior.

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The Key to Effective Classroom Management

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A three-phase process helps build strong teacher-student bonds, which can reduce disruptive behavior.

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In this blog post, we discuss empathic listening and other types of listening. We also give you advice on how to practice empathic listening in order to improve your relationship with others.

What is empathic listening?

Empathic listening is the saviour of communication, and thus of the quality of interpersonal relationships. Relationships between people are very complex and we cannot talk about a single solution for their improvement or repair. But empathic listening is essential in cultivating quality relationships. It creates human connection, closeness, appreciation and affection.

Moreover, from such an experience, each of the participants in the discussion has something to gain and to learn. If I get into the position of influencing someone, I could use this in a negative way, I could manipulate them, but that risks not building, but destroying our relationship.

Empathic listening is the key to gaining a person's trust, provided that he does not perceive it in this way, but as a sincere concern to understand his needs on a deep level. If your efforts are perceived by the person you are listening to as manipulative and self-interested, the effect is the other way around: you lose confidence.

How we normally listen

After listening to someone speak, we usually have one of the following 4 autobiographical answers, which we give spontaneously and naturally:

We evaluate: we agree or disagree;

We examine: we ask questions from our subjective perspective;

We advise: we give advice based on our own experience;

We interpret: we seek to represent our people, to explain their motives, their behaviour, based on our own motivations and behaviours.

These answers affect the relationship between me and my interlocutor. How could he/she open up to me when I judge and examine him/her before he/she can explain something?

The questions that parents constantly harass their children with are one of the reasons that keep them away from them. We are so overwhelmed by this kind of response that we do it in a completely unconscious way.

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How can we practice empathic listening?

Through exercise. Some are shocked when asked to practise empathic listening. As one learns to control their usual way of responding, and to listen with empathy, he/she may notice spectacular results in the quality of communication.

To listen empathetically to another person, to listen to and truly understand what he is saying, we need to change our perspective on how we look at things. We need to move the magnifying glass from our lives to the receivers.

We must stop filtering our own paradigm and stop reading our autobiographies in the lives of others ("I know how you feel! I've been through the same ordeal. I know the situation. Let me tell you how it was"). The details of the life of the man I am talking to are different from those of my life.

If I can truly understand him, even if I don't agree with him, even if I would never choose to live like him, at least I will be able to treat him with more respect and not treat him. / I judge it the same as if I had only looked through my lenses and analyzed accordingly.

When we listen empathetically, we are also exposed to risks: those of being influenced and becoming vulnerable. In order to exert an influence on someone, I have to let myself be influenced. I need inner stability to face the vulnerability to which I am exposed. But that means listening with deep participation and truly understanding.

Other types of listening

Besides empathic listening, which is our main theme for this article, there are other 13 different types of listening.

Discriminative listening - This is the most rudimentary form of listening that we humans are capable of. Discriminative listening is about the vibrations and sounds of the interlocutor's voice. This type of listening is very important because it communicates the message behind the words. Basically, discriminatory listening helps us to capture emotions from the other person's voice.

Informational listening - A type of listening to that requires immense concentration. This form of listening is about the ability to receive the information the speaker wants to convey. Informational listening is about learning what you hear.

Comprehensive Listening - A type of listening that we practice almost daily. For example, when you are attending a lecture or you are having a conversation with your friend, you practice comprehensive listening. The purpose of this type of listening is to understand best the message of our interlocutor.

Evaluative listening - It occurs when the interlocutor tries to convince us by influencing our attitudes, beliefs or ideas. We listen and evaluate the received message so that we can make the appropriate decisions regarding the received message. Evaluative listening is also called critical listening.

Selective listening - A negative way of listening to someone. This type of listening can often cause conflicts or misunderstandings between people. Selective listening involves filtering the speaker's message and selecting from what he or she says, a part that affects you or that interests you most.

Rapport listening - Oftentimes practised by sellers. Their interest is to make you feel important, understood and valuable. Therefore, people who practice listening will do everything they can to please the interlocutor.

Appreciative listening - Not about communicating with others, but rather about the relationship with ourselves and what we need to do to nourish the mind. Therefore, appreciative listening is practised when listening to our favourite music, a recorded meditation or a recited speech.

Pseudo or False listening - We all practised pseudo listening at least once in our lives. We all found ourselves thinking about anything other than what the speaker in front of us was talking about. Pseudo listening is about pretending to be listening when you actually think of something else.

Deep listening - It means being fully present and ready to listen to the other person. This form of listening involves empathy, understanding, unconditional respect for the other person.

High integrity listening - It implies that you know how to listen with integrity.

Judgmental listening - It is practised by those who, in communicating with others, spend most of their time analyzing and evaluating what the other person is saying. These people do not shy away from expressing their opinion even if it comes in contention with everything the speaker has said.

Sympathetic listening - It is somehow resembling empathetic listening.

Relationship listening - It is about the connection that is formed between people when they communicate. The stronger this connection is, the easier the two people can understand each other.

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Conclusions

In this blog post, we discussed empathic listening and other types of listening. We also gave you advice on how to practice empathic listening in order to improve your relationship with others.

FAQ about empathic listening

What is empathetic listening?

Empathetic listening is a type of listening that prioritizes the mental state, emotions and feelings of the speaker. As an example, you can practice empathic listening when someone gives you advice or asks you for a sensitive issue or topic.

What is empathic active listening?

Empathic active listening is essential in cultivating quality relationships. It creates human connection, closeness, appreciation and affection. Is a type of listening that makes the other feel heard, appreciated and valued.

Why is empathic listening important?

Emphatic listening is important because it creates a deeper connection. If I really want to understand others and have a conversation at a higher level and a deep connection with someone, I have to see things from their perspective. This does not necessarily mean agreeing with them, but only understanding their speech, mood, motivations, arguments, attitude or actions.

How do you develop empathic listening?

What makes a good listener?

A good listener is attentive to his caller. Listen with empathy, understanding, and open-minded ears and ask important questions. A good listener knows that not everything is solved, as if by magic, just by having a conversation. Instead, it takes time and openness.

Further reading

Active Listening, by Carl R. Rogers

Active Listening: Improve Your Conversation Skills, Learn Effective Communication Techniques: Achieve Successful Relationships: With 6 Essential Guidelines, by Joseph Sorensen

The Zen of Listening: Mindful Communication in the Age of Distraction, by Rebecca Z. Shafir MA CCC

Emotional Intelligence 2.0, by Travis Bradberry

References

Active Listening, by Carl R. Rogers

Healthline.com

Indeed.com

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Empathic Listening (A Complete Guide) | OptimistMinds

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In this blog post, we discuss empathic listening and other types of listening. We also give you advice on how to practice empathic listening in order to improve your relationship with others. Empathic listening is the saviour of communication, and thus of the quality of interpersonal relationships.

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How Circles Work- Learning the Circle Process.pdf

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"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." - Stephen Covey

We've all heard of Stephen Covey's habit #5, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

But how do we actually do it?

What's the best way to really seek to understand, to really listen to somebody?

It's empathic listening.

Listen Until They Feel Heard

The best way I've heard empathic listening defined was by Covey himself. He said that empathic listening is not listening until you understand. It's listening until the other person feels understood.

In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey writes about what empathic listening is, what it is not, why it's important, and how we can use empathic listening in our dally lives to seek to understand others, as well as make deposits in Emotional Bank Accounts.

The Essence of Empathic Listening

Empathic listening is not about agreeing with somebody. It's about understanding them emotionally, as well as intellectually.

Via The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
"Empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is a form of agreement, a form of judgment. And it is sometimes the more appropriate emotion and response. But people often feed on sympathy. It makes them dependent. The essence of empathic listening is not that you agree with someone; it's that you fully, deeply, understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually."
How Do You Do Empathic Listening

Don't just use your brain. Listen with your eyes and your heart.

Via The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
"In empathic listening, you listen with your ears, but you also, and more importantly, listen with your eyes and with your heart. You listen for feeling, for meaning. You listen for behavior. You use your right brain as well as your left. You sense, you intuit, you feel."
The 5 Levels of Listening

Empathic listening is the highest form of listening, level 5, but we usually listen at levels 1-4.

Via The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
"When another person speaks, we're usually 'listening' at one of four levels. We may be ignoring another person, not really listening at all. We may practice pretending, 'Yeah. Uh-huh. Right.' We may practice selective listening, hearing only certain parts of the conversation. We often do this when we're listening to the constant chatter of a preschool child. Or we may even practice attentive listening, paying attention and focusing energy on the word that are being said. But very few of us ever practice the fifth level, the highest form of listening, empathic listening."
Empathic Listening is Not "Active" Listening

Empathic listening is not about mimicking, mirroring, or reflecting the other person.

Via The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
"When I say empathic listening, I am not referring to the techniques of 'active' listening or 'reflective' listening, which basically involve mimicking what another person says. That kind of listening is skill-based, truncated from character and relationships, and often insults those 'listened' to in such a way. It is also essentially autobiographical. If you practice those techniques, you may not project your autobiography in the actual interaction, but your motive in listening is autobiographical. You listen with reflective skills, but you listen with intent to reply, to control, to manipulate."
Why is Empathic Listening So Powerful?

It's so powerful because you're actually listening to understand. And people "need" to be understood.

Via The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
"Empathic listening is so powerful because it gives you accurate data to work with. Instead of projecting your own autobiography and assuming thoughts, feelings, movies and interpretation, you're dealing with the reality inside another person's head and heart. You're listening to understand. You're focused on receiving the deep communication of another human soul."
Make Deposits in Emotional Bank Accounts

Withdraw less, and deposit more with empathic listening.

Via The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
"In addition, empathic listening is the key to making deposits in Emotional Bank Accounts, because nothing you do is a deposit unless the other person perceives it as such. You can work your fingers to the bone to make a deposit, only to have it turn into a withdrawal when a person regards your efforts as manipulative, self-serving, intimidating, or condescending because you don't understand what really matters to him."
Empathic listening is an easy way to level-up in life.

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Empathic Listening: The Highest Form of Listening

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"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." - Stephen Covey We've all heard of Stephen Covey's habit #5, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." But how do we actually do it? What's the best way to really seek to understand, to really listen to somebody?

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The Power of Restorative Conversations

Picture this...

Student gets upset.
Teacher kicks student out of the classroom.
Student receives disciplinary action from the teacher.
Student enters the classroom the next day and the cycle repeats itself all over again.

This incident is typical in schools across America, and for students of color and males in particular, the percentage of disciplinary incidents is often higher.

When I'm working in schools across the country, I encounter teachers who struggle with student behavior on a daily basis. In many instances, the constant struggle occurs with the same set of students. Teachers feel disrespected, powerless, frustrated, and.... hopeless.

I worked with a teacher recently who decided to take a different approach. After receiving Real Time Teacher Coaching, he discovered that he didn't know why one particular student refused to follow his directions. The teacher was frustrated, and wanted a simple solution. I encouraged this teacher to take the "restorative conversation" approach. What the teacher discovered afterwards was profound: having a restorative conversation with his student provided an opportunity to view the student with a different lens. After peeling back the layers, the teacher had a greater understanding of what the student was really going through in his life. The teacher also discovered that he didn't have a relationship with this student...at all. What happened after the restorative conversation was transformational. The student began to come to class on time and participate in all instructional activities. The student actually became the teacher's biggest ally and encouraged other students to follow the expectations set for the classroom.

What I know for sure is that students don't care how much you know unless they know how much you care.

One of the most powerful ways that teachers can build relationships with students is by having restorative conversations. Restorative conversations allow the teacher to demonstrate empathy, teach children how to resolve conflict, and most importantly, allow students to have voice. It's an opportunity for both the teacher and student to express their feelings about what's going on in the classroom, while setting high expectations. When we do so, we actually humanize ourselves in the eyes of students. They begin to see us beyond the "teacher standing in front of them".

Here are the important elements to have in a restorative conversation:

Send a strong message of care to the student.

Give the student an opportunity to say "what happened"/give the student a voice

Communicate to the student how it made you feel

Reiterate your high expectations

Create a plan together that sets both the teacher and student up for success

Restorative conversations can be done in a few minutes. When do we do this?

When a student is upset,

When a student chooses a consequence, or;

If we lose our temper.

Students are willing and motivated to learn from teachers who care about them, who demonstrate empathy and transparency, and provide predictability, structure and consistency. Most importantly, teachers are able to build positive life-altering relationships with students. Implementing this practice, if we are intentional and take the time to do it, sets us on a path to transform schools.

by Vynesha Johnson, CT3 Associate

Vynesha has held nearly every role as an educator, including experience as a mentor, coach, and Supervisor of Behavior Intervention Program in Albuquerque, NM. She also has extensive experience working with students with disabilities and is well-versed in Special Education law, policies, and procedures.

References:

The Restorative Practices Handbook for Teachers, Disciplinarians, and Administrators by: Bob Costello, Joshua Wachtel, Ted Wachtel

The Teacher's Guide to Restorative Classroom Discipline: by Luanna H. (Hazel) Meyer, William John (Ian) M. (Martin) Evans

For more reading on building relationships with students, check out our library of blog posts here.

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The Power of Restorative Conversations - CT3

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Picture this... Student gets upset. Teacher kicks student out of the classroom. Student receives disciplinary action from the teacher. Student enters the classroom the next day and the cycle repeats itself all over again. This incident is typical in schools across America, and for students of col

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Share This Post

Recently I’ve been asked for examples of gender neutral language and therefore wanted to provide some ideas for how to address a group of people. This list is by no means comprehensive. You can always add your own and make it fun.

Family

Humans

Ya’ll

Squad

Companions

Gems

Folks

Crew

Siblings

Kiddos

Cool cats

Badasses

Posse

Guests

Pals

Loves

Earthlings

Yous all

Mates

Team

Confidants

Dears

Friends

Peeps

Would love to hear other ideas and what you use!

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Looking for gender neutral language to address a group? Look no further than this list of ideas.