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I've always been a very shy person, and I've never been one to make many friends, I don't really like getting involved with other people, it's always been very difficult for me to fit into groups, but I've managed to find people who understand me, I understand that I'm a person very antisocial, but I'm working on it with my psychiatrist, he says "Ana, you have to fit in more, you don't need to be afraid “I can't, I'm scared, I'm scared.

Even though I was very scared, I managed to meet my best friends David, Karinny and Sue, I love them very much, because I was very welcomed into their hearts.

Ten years from now, I want them to still be in my life, I want them at my wedding, I want them at my school, I only have good things to say about this small but loving group. My social life at the moment isn't very good, but I intend to improve, and if it doesn't improve, everything will be fine.

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It was a way of saying that I'm a little tired of everything, but deep down I love every detail.

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I love my journey and where I'm getting to

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I love my journey and where I'm getting to

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I love where I came from and where I'm going, because I know that the journey to success is very difficult, and I know that during the journey it is a little painful and lonely, it was with this loneliness that I learned to love my own company, I love every trajectory Even though it hurts during the period, I know that eventually it will pass.

I spent a year in mourning, a year living on automatic, I don't know how I didn't freak out, but the love I received from people who didn't leave me alone was so great, that I felt myself healing little by little, every day, we know how much It's bad to be alone, but when I talk about loneliness, I'm referring to mental loneliness, because it feels like you don't even live there.

Today I feel so good about myself that I have no words to express it here. In 30 years I see myself even better in relation to everything I've been through, am going through and will go through.

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You are a person, they just hurt you and you are trying to fix something you didn't even break. People hurt us, but I know that in 3 years you will be fine, you will be healed mentally, you are such an amazing person, so sweet, so kind.

I know that we will be able to make our dreams come true, you are determined, it's okay not to identify with your first degree, because it wasn't your dream, when we made mistakes, we were teenagers, but we were reborn from the ashes, you will have a beautiful house.

Next year (2025) you intend to go to Argentina, even though you are not an English teacher, feel proud of yourself, and today at 00:06 on 27/07/2024, I say this with complete confidence, because I am pursuing what we dreamed of when we were children.

We rock Beatriz!!!!

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I have so much feeling to give, but few words to say, when I met my boyfriend, I was 16 years old, in my first year of high school, and he was in his last year, and by the irony of fate we met two years later, and a year later we started dating, he helped me in my worst moment, he witnessed the best moments, he is my ideal person, I want to build a family with him, make my dreams come true.

Pedro brings out the best in me, my best version, he is such a caring person, so good, so full of himself, and that's what won me over.

In the near future, very soon we will get married, and I will be the happiest person who has ever walked this earth, and 50 years from now, I still want to be by your side and completely in love.

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This week we talked about our social group and our relationship, and I know that when you read this in the future, you will be so proud of yourself for accomplishing everything you set out to do. 09/08/2024

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He promises that he ended up going
out on the paths trying to find me.

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He promises that he ended up going
out on the paths trying to find me.

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I have always been very happy in my life, but I made many wrong choices that made me lose hope in myself. I know we are here to make mistakes, but in my head I have to give 100% of myself, when I realized that I made wrong choices, I tried to change, but I had already lost myself, and that was the hardest thing to happen. to happen. recover, because I had no one to vent to, my mother had to work to give me a good life and my father was a drug addict. But even though my mother always worked hard, she always gave me a lot of love, I was always loved a lot by my mother, even though I thought I didn't deserve it, my mother gave me so much love that I don't deserve. I made no difference when my father attacked me verbally, physically and psychologically. At the age of 11 I decided and promised myself that I would be able to get my mother out of that hell that she called marriage for a long time. I didn't like my father, in fact... I never felt anything for him. But that's okay, he didn't know how to be a father, because it was his first time being a father, just like it was my first time being a daughter, there are people who don't deserve what they achieved. When my father passed away in 2021, due to Covid-19, my mother was very sad, and with that I was sad because I didn't know how to help her, I was afraid she would go into depression. Although my parents' relationship was difficult, she didn't abandon him because he was sick and had no family, and I realized that I hadn't kept the first promise I made, but that's okay, I realized that I was stable again. Even though I'm stable, I realize that I'm not 100% happy, because my mind is constantly looking for flaws, in things, in choices, but I'm undergoing severe treatment with the psychiatrist.

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Currently my dominant emotions are disgust and anger, but I don't know why, because I feel really good about myself, I just think they are the dominant ones because they are, there is no explanation exactly. I want the anger to get out of control in a few years or months because I feel good, I'm in a good place in my life, I'm close to graduating and I feel numb remembering it. In a few years I want all these feelings of doubt to disappear, I believe that years is a long time, a matter of months is fine, I want to have my family, and when I decided to give happiness a chance to enter my heart, things have evolved a lot and I know that all this doubt is temporary.

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I realized that I failed a lot as a daughter, as a person, and I decided that I would change my ways, I have always been a very shy person, so this has always been very difficult for me, because I know where I come from and where I have arrived. I know I still make a lot of mistakes, but I believe I've evolved a lot, I got it into my head that I have to stop blaming myself for my actions. When I was 16, I knew what I was doing. But I didn't have the maturity to realize how bad this was for me, I was such an empty person, so shallow, so without myself, that there came a time when I looked for myself in other people, hurting people, hurting myself, there came a day that I was in a motel room, and I felt myself leaving and going to the other side of the room and watching everything. Even after that, I continued to make the mistake, until the pandemic arrived, and I discovered that I loved recording videos for YouTube, it was wonderful, I loved it a lot, it was where I found part of myself, until my father passed away, I felt it... and I lost myself. new, but I had to find myself in other ways for my mother to be okay, I often thought about suicide, because I don't think I'm good for anything, I thought this pain would never go away. But it passed, my mother got better after the mourning, I felt better for her. And to this day I haven't made any more videos for the internet, I found someone who helped me improve, I'm very grateful for that, we make so many wrong choices, but in the midst of so many choices... I finally managed to get it right. I put this song on because I identify a lot with it, today I'm fine, close to getting engaged, and continuing with psychiatric care.

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I once read a sentence that said ''Living is as if you were writing with a pencil, without the right to an eraser'' and my greatest hope is me, because even though I'm well, I want to improve, I want to start enjoying my life. Of course I know I can't change the past, but I can change the future and I'm determined to do that. I know we make mistakes, but it's from our mistakes that we learn. There's no point in blaming myself for something that has already happened, and I'm also young, I have a lot to live for, and I want to live for so long, and in that time I want to be happy, and even if I'm sad, I'll know that it's not forever.

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My fear is not me, but my crazy head, when I was younger my mother always thought I had some disorder, I did several tests and nothing came of it, but in the year 2024 things started to get more complicated, and I I went back to the psychiatrist, and I explained how my mind worked, and I will give a brief explanation; “Before going to sleep I do this all day, and things have to go as I planned, if things end up getting out of control, I get frustrated and I close myself off, I know when someone is not good natured, I have tantrums. " But my biggest fear is not getting the life I've always dreamed of, and I don't intend to have children, because I don't know how noisy they are, but if one day I decide to have one... let's see how it goes, for this and other things, I am trying to improve.

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This week we talked about our future lifestyle, and we saw that many things have changed and matured. This year was a surprise, a lot of things changed, I made a lot of friends, something that my 2023 self wouldn't believe, I love the person I have become and have been becoming, our plans haven't changed completely, but some things have changed and that's all. good. 19/08/2024

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I want to have a beautiful and peaceful life, I don't intend to have children now, I want to enjoy life a little after I graduate from college, I intend to start my master's degree in applied linguistics as soon as I finish college. I really want to enjoy life in a simple way with the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with.

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I dedicate this especially to the love of my life, who always supported me, was by my side, became the person I love.

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I really believe in my happiness, I really believe that I will achieve my dreams, and I won't worry about obstacles.

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This week we talked about our academic and professional trajectory, and we are in the final stretch of college, and with each passing day I am happier, I feel like I am connecting more with myself every day. 23/08/2024

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I have a degree in chemistry, and I always wanted to do engineering, I want to work in the field of chemistry, I want to do another degree, which is chemical engineering, but it didn't work out this time, and I want to have the opportunity to study it. I want to work in the area of ​​colorimetric fabric manufacturing. When I finish my degree in English, I want to do a master's degree in applied linguistics, I don't know if I still want to be a teacher or not.

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I intend to learn more languages ​​besides English and Spanish, I think it's very cool, interesting and beautiful.

I don't know if I want to learn other languages ​​to teach, but I may not, I want to travel to other places and be able to communicate.

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This week we talk about how many languages ​​we want to know in the future. I find everything very interesting, I intend to communicate in other countries calmly and without worry. 30/08/2024

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This week we talked about our activities and life experiences... And it was very difficult, but we loved who we became because of these experiences. 06/09/2024

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I started working when I was 16, and after that I focused on my professional and academic career. Nowadays I don't intend to work as a teacher, but I really liked the things I've been studying, and I want to work in the chemical laboratory.

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My favorite physical activity is volleyball, I was a volleyball player for many years, but I saw that it wasn't good for me, as it was something I played to distract my mind, and I ended up taking it too personally and ended up stopping playing. I always wanted to play professionally, but I don't intend to play again.

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I lost my father 3 years ago, even though I didn't get along with him, sometimes I miss him... I always thought he was very strong through experiences, people make mistakes, unfortunately. Sometimes I wonder what he would do in certain situations because he already had experience.

Most of the things I know were because he mentioned it to me, my father was a drug addict... And he always helped us not to go that way, but unfortunately we got out of the way, we are human and we end up making mistakes but it's part of it.

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Sometimes we deviate from the path, unfortunately this happened, and I ended up losing my brother-in-law (my sister's fiancé) to addiction, she also ended up falling into addiction, but the storm never lasts forever. Since my brother-in-law passed away, my sister has been clean. And today it's ok, during that period I missed my father a lot and I got sick a lot.

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A skill that I want to learn in a few months to take with me for the rest of my life is skiing, I've always wanted to. A few years ago I learned to play the keyboard, but I don't want to do that for the rest of my life.

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This week we talked about Life skills, I didn't really know what to say, so it was a little difficult, but there are many things I want to learn and take with me for the rest of my life, but I can't remember or talk about what I want to do to do. 27/09/2024

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I don't intend to have a fixed place, I want to travel until I feel in my heart that this is my home. I don't intend to live in Porto Velho for a long time, but I also don't know where I intend to go.

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Wherever I go, and wherever I am, I want to feel good, the places I visit, I want to study, work and discover new things. All this alongside the people I love very much.

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This week was the last in the diary, and this week we talked about places, and I never saw myself in a fixed place, and I can't even see myself... I can't imagine myself anywhere, I just want to let life go and give Everything's fine, if that's my place that's fine, if it's not, I'll take my luggage and leave.