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1 "No, even I know better than that. I'm looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat strawberry shortcake. And you stop everything you're doing and run out and buy it for me. And you come back out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortcake out to me. And I say I don't want it anymore and throw it out the window. That's what I'm looking for."

"I'm not sure that has anything to do with love," I said with some amazement. (Page 76)

2 The context for this is a bit odd but Midori has Toru over for lunch as a sign of appreciation for their friendship. Whilst cooking and talking a fire breaks out in a local shop that Midori would frequent at, yet she is seemingly unmoved. She barely reacts to this event and begins to play guitar and go about the afternoon as if the fire was a casual event. While looking at the smoke she begins to say why she has such a hard grasp of love, saying that because her and her parents barely loved each other, she wants a love that is selfish and completely revolves around her.

3 I think that Midori acts as two extremes that Toru has to deal with in this situation. Toru is a very nonchalant person that doesn’t put too much thought into the more bold aspects of life and emotion, by introducing midori as a love interest, and a person with no real grasp of what a healthy love should look like, she acts as the two extremities that Toru avoids. Toru is not null of love nor does he idealize it, but Midori does. On top of this, the context of the fire also shows a lot of their contrast as characters, as Midori is not afraid of the fire, and states that she has no issue with dying in that moment, which is followed by Toru, acknowledging the threat and saying he will leave her there if it truly become serious. This juxtaposition and almost gradient of these characters sort of foil yet perfectly blend with each other. This doesn’t create an obstacle for Toru as he does care for Midori but it creates a difficulty in how their philosophies and beliefs clash with each other, ultimately testing and changing Toru's character as a whole.

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1 “My doctor says it's time I began having contact with "outside people"-meaning normal people in the normal world. When he says that, the only face I see is yours. To tell the truth, I don't want to see my parents. They're too upset over me, and seeing them puts me in a bad mood. Plus, there are things I have to explain to you. I'm not sure I can explain them very well, but they're important things I can't go on avoiding any longer.” (Page 88)

2 After an intimate encounter between Naoko and Toru, Naoko has a breakdown and disappears from Toru's life, only leaving a letter to say goodbye. Toru eventually writes to her, but gets no response until now. He is stunned but continues to read it. In this Naoko implies that she is in a mental facility, which would explain her breakdown and sudden absence. She tells us that she is finally clear to have contact with people outside of the facility and she states that the only person that she wants to see is Toru.

3 Naoko's letter to Toru shows just how complicated this relationship is. In the beginning of the book, we see how an older Toru looks back on this specific relationship with a fondness that he is shown to not possess as a young person. This seemingly implies the growth of the character throughout the book. We have seen that in the relationships with Midori and Naoko, he begins to form emotional comfort yet it doesn't fully stem into what it will become. This specific event could act as a catalyst for his loving nature to really flesh out as we see his reaction seem to be shock as he reads the letter over and over again in disbelief. He is hit with an influx of emotion that he is seemingly unable to comprehend as he doesn’t allow himself to be the most expressive and understanding of his own feelings. This creates a lot of mental stress and instability within his life as a whole, as he is very unequipped to handle situations like this.

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1 “With Naoko gone, I went to sleep on the sofa. I hadn't intended to do so, but I fell into the kind of deep sleep I had not had for a long time, filled with a sense of Naoko's presence. In the kitchen were the dishes Naoko ate from, in the bathroom was the toothbrush Naoko used, and in the bedroom was the bed in which Naoko slept. Sleeping soundly in this apartment of hers, I wrung the fatigue from every cell of my body, drop by drop. I dreamed of a butterfly dancing in the half-light.” (Page 104)

2 After reading her letter, Toru planned to visit Naoko. There was a lot of difficulty as he eventually made his way to her place. Once there it was seemingly an underwhelming visit as they could barely speak to each other but their interaction was small yet meaningful. Once gone Toru accidentally falls asleep.

3 Once Toru and Naoko are able to be in each other's presence, there is almost a weight lifted off of Toru's chest. This shows how much Toru has come to value the relationship that he had lost. This is the first major indication of his growth as a character as he was able to form this deep connection that created a void within him, even though the emotion itself was a negative the fact that he was able to have that emotion in general was a positive as he is becoming a more caring and loving person. To be at such ease simply by being in the presence Naoko also shows the comfort that he feels with another person, allowing him to feel at peace with someone, of course being a contrast to his character toward the beginning of the book in which he was more carefree in his emotions.

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1 "Still, though," I said, "if it's true that he was always struggling to show only his best side, I'd say he succeeded. His best side was all that I could see."

Naoko smiled. "He'd be thrilled if he could hear you say that. You were his only friend."

"And Kizuki was my only friend," I said. "There was never anybody I could really call a friend, before him or after him."

"That's why I loved being with the two of you. His best side was all that I could see then, too. I could relax and stop worrying when the three of us were together. Those were my favorite times…” (Page 127)

2 Naoko and Toru are given more opportunities to see each other while Naoko is still recovering. Since their last interaction was so short, they now have an opportunity to catch up more, and Toru asks about life in the facility. She goes on to explain how she occupies her time here when Toru is reminded of a poem that she wrote when she was in the hospital back when they were in high school. This then leads into a conversation reminiscing about their friend who committed suicide.

3 Naoko was the ex girlfriend of Torus best friend who committed suicide, this could be an explanation as to why they are able to get along so well or it could act as a crutch for their relationship. Them being able to talk about their old friend for the first time in the book sheds a lot of light into both of their characters. In Torus' case, we know that this is one of the only people if not the only person he’s ever really been able to be close to. While he was not able to emotionally express himself even before his friends suicide, we could infer that after his only friend had killed himself that he became even more closed off as he thought, as if he had no one to go to. This also could explain to us why he is able to interact with Naoko so well as she has known a side of him that was able to be himself. This shows as the main hindrance that created this passive state of emotion.

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1 “Don't wait for me. Sleep with other girls if you want to. Don't let thoughts of me hold you back. Just do what you want to do. Otherwise, I might end up taking you with me, and that is the one thing I don't want to do. I don't want to interfere with your life. I don't want to interfere with anybody's life. Like I said before, I want you to come to see me every once in a while, and always remember me. That's all I want."

"It's not all I want, though," I said.

“You're wasting your life being involved with me.”

"I'm not wasting anything.”

"But I might never recover. Will you wait for me forever? Can you wait ten years, twenty years?"

2 Naoko and Toru continue to spend more time together in the facility she is in. Due to this, we get more they begin to share more as they begin to open up more to each other than they ever have before. We find out that Naoko’s sister had died due to suicide. This being the root of her illness that stems even greater now due to the passing of her ex boyfriend. We see Naoko beg Toru to leave her as she thinks she will only be a burden in his life due to her illness, but Toru refuses.

3 This is a turning point in his development as a character as he is fully able to express his emotion as he feels so strongly for Naoko. When begged to leave her he flat out refuses and justifies why by saying his feelings are more than physical and he just wants to be with her. In such an emotionally driven argument he is finally able to say how he feels to some extent. This of course being due to his love for Naoko. He also tries to encourage her to feel better which is not what he would have done earlier in the book as he seemingly let her go, only wanting to share his feelings on the matter. He tells her how strongly he feels for her and tries to comfort her as he will stay beside her despite her fear of never recovering. Within this quote we get to see how fate Toru has come to be able to show affection and care for others.

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1 “No, I said, 'I don't want to go anywhere alone. I'll fall apart if I don't have you. I need you. Please, don't leave me alone.”

He held me and pleaded with me to hang on a little longer. Just a month, he said. He would take care of everything- leave his job, sell the house, make arrangements for kindergarten, find a new job. There might be a position he could take in Australia, he said. He just wanted me to wait one month, and everything would be O.K. I couldn't say anything more to that. If I tried to object, it would only isolate me even more.” (Page 160)

2 Toru, still acquainting himself with the facility Naoko is at, meets her roommate Reiko. Reiko catches Toru up on her backstory and tells a very tragic tale of how she began to lose her grip on reality and thought she was saved due to a relationship she formed with someone who she ended up marrying. Even though she had found happiness and stability, when her life was set to be altered by a move she began to fall back into this manic cycle, disrupting everything in her life.

3 Through this conversation, we see how Reiko is a reflection of what Toru is afraid Naoko will become. Even though Toru likes Reiko, he doesn’t want Naoko to become her as she is alone, unstable and complicit with her mental instability. Reiko explains how her life was once at a stable point where she was the happiest she has ever been, but it doesn't matter as whatever illness you have stays with you. She lost her sense of normal and lost what she loved, this of course causing Toru to fear that this is the fate that he and Naoko will live. This creates the thought that he will only harm Naoko, this of course causing more doubts in whether this is actually worth the struggle that it will be. He is still unsure on how to fully invest himself, while not choosing convenience over his emotion, he questions his outs on this relationship and its future.

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1 "Sorry to bring you to a place like this," she said, "but would you mind staying with me a little longer?"

"I'll stay with you all day if you want," I said. "Until five. I like spending time with you, and I've got nothing else to do."

"How do you usually spend your Sundays?"

"Doing laundry," I said. "And ironing.

"I guess you don't want to tell me too much about her ... your girlfriend?"

"No, I guess not. It's complicated, and I, kind of, don't think I could explain it very well."

"That's O.K. You don't have to explain anything, said Midori. "But do you mind if I tell you what I imagine is going on?" (Page 183)

2 Midori asks Toru to accompany her as she visits her father who is very ill now. She thanks him as it is a very weird situation and she thinks it may make him uncomfortable. Toru of course just wants to spend time with her. They are alone in the hospital when the topic of relationships comes up and Midori suspects that Toru has a girlfriend but says so in a light hearted joking manner while still being curious. She doesn’t mind but just wants transparency in their relationship. She asks if she could explain what she thinks Toru and Naoko are though she doesn’t know about Naoko.

3 This shows how though their relationship is genuine, it is not without its flaws. They aren’t to the point where they can be exclusive as Toru has another love. Being asked about his other relationship while at a hospital to visit the father of the other girl does make him question his views and actions in the relationship. This of course creates the inner conflict of what he is even doing in the first place as he does have a reason to be with both but he knows that it’s unsustainable. This is more a reason for him to reflect the morality of his nature as he knows that all will be left hurt him one way or another.

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1 "We're a lot alike, though, Watanabe and me,

' said Nagasawa. "Neither of us is interested, essentially, in anything but ourselves. O.K., so I'm arrogant and he's not, but neither of us is able to feel any interest in anything other than what we ourselves think or feel or do. That's why we can think about things in a way that's totally divorced from anybody else.

That's what I like about him. The only difference is that he hasn't realized this about himself, and so he hesitates and feels hurt."

"What human being doesn't hesitate and feel hurt?" Hatsumi demanded

"Are you trying to say that you have never felt those things?"

“Of course I have, but I've disciplined myself to where I can minimize hem. Even a rat will choose the least painful route if you shook him enough.”

"But rats don't fall in love.” (Page 209)

2 Nagasaki explains to the Toru and the girl he is hanging out with the selfish nature of people. He relates it to his own past and how Toru relates to even himself. He explains that people avoid connection and use each other to never get hurt and feel better about themselves. If you don’t form connections you don’t get hurt, only hurting others who will use others to repeat the cycle.

3 Calling into question the nature of human beings to use each other rather than face their own vices makes Toru question himself. He has always seen Nagasawa as someone he didn’t want to relate to, so he did join him. He never wanted to go to the extreme that he did of using women. This is because Toru actually cares about Naoko and Midori, at time she couldn’t didn’t want to hook up as he knew he cared about Naoko and Midori but still did it as he just thought there was nothing better to do. This makes Tohru reflect on his own action and judge him self. As a person, he is getting better at invest himself in people but now he is forced to reflect in his past as Nagasawa has made it a trend for him to indulge himself in meaningless encounters to distract himself from the people he cares about, essentially numbing himself.

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1 “He'd eat slugs before he'd back down to anyone. What do you expect to get from a guy like that?"

"But there's nothing I can do but wait for him," said Hatsumi with her chin in her hand.

"You love him that much?"

"I do," she answered without a moment's hesitation.

Oh, brother," I said with a sigh, drinking down the last of my beer. "It must be a wonderful thing to be so sure that you love somebody."

"I'm a stupid, old-fashioned girl," she said. "Have another beer?" (Page 217)

2 Hatsumi talks with Toru about Nagasawa alone. She states she knows about his past nature but is fully invested as she feels as if he fully cares about her, which he does. Jokingly Toru asks how she could as he mentions his bold and evasive nature. She says she is simply in love and this stings Toru as he is in the middle of two women who he cares about but doesn’t know which or if he loves either, not knowing enough about his emotions to determine.

3 While they both commit their selfish and self destructive actions they do contrast each other a bit. Toru does hold remorse and sees the issue with using women to feel better about himself, though he doesn't seem self aware enough to point it's obvious flaw out and berate himself for it. On the other hand Nagasawa is able to use women with no remorse as it's seemingly just his nature, because he knows this is actually him and he isn't trying to mask other feelings by doing this he is able to call himself out on this. With this context the fact that Nagasawa is able to actually find a healthy relationship shocks Toru and exacerbates his feelings of solitude, though he is happy for his friend, the fact his most non relationship friend is able to be in love while he cant figure his feelings out hurts him. This creates an internal conflict of uncertainty and self doubt of his own ability to figure himself out which of course only adds to the overarching conflict of not knowing whether he can actually acknowledge his love for midori and Naoko.

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1 “Look, I'm not planning to get married. I've made that perfectly clear to Hatsumi. If she wants to marry somebody, she should go ahead and do it. I won't stop her. If she wants to wait for me, let her wait. That's what I mean."

"I've gotta hand it to you, I said.

"You think I'm a shit, don't you?"

"I do."

"Look, the world is an inherently unfair place. I didn't write the rules. It's always been that way. I have never once deceived Hatsumi. She knows I'm a shit and that she can leave me anytime she decides she can't take it.

I told her that straight out." 202

2 While congratulating Nagasawa Toru asks what his plans in his current relationship are as he hasn't seen Nagasawa settle down and is very happy for him. Nagasawa tells Toru the truth about his partner saying that it's temporary. Toru seems to take this as Nagsawa saying she holds no value in his life, though he just doesn't want anything serious. He goes on to justify this by saying he has not deceived and life isn't fair. Toru doesn't take issue with this statement but of course feels odd about it.

3 Within this quote we see how two characters who make similar decisions but have conflicting feelings about it see the action of investing themselves in a relationship but not fully. Nagasawa is in this relationship but not committed as he sees an out of it at any time. Toru sees how messed up this is and this makes us the reader see how in his mind relationships aren't worth it unless you have genuine emotion for it. This of course can act as guidance for how he will continue with the Naoko and Midori relationships. This acts as an example of what he does not want to do, and overall acts as sort of lead by wrong example. This of course adds to the conflict of him not knowing what feelings he is acknowledging or to pay them any mind at all. He sees why a hollow love isn't correct leading him towards understanding that this isn't what he wants. This of course will force him out of his complicit nature as a whole.

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Week 4 character 1 Toru

1 “ I was in the thick of painting when Midori popped into my mind. I hadn't been in touch with her for nearly three weeks, I realized, and hadn't even told her I had moved. I had mentioned to her that I was thinking of moving, and she had said, "Oh, really?" and that was the last time we had talked.” Page 242

2 After such a turbulent few months, Toru had decided to move. This was done after his reconnection with Naoko and was in hopes of just having a clearer space for himself. While doing the typical moving in process he thinks of Midori. He realizes he completely forgot about her and ignored his obligation to that relationship. This brews guilt.

3 While it may seem as if Toru is not a caring person, we see that he actually does care as he feels remorse. This acts as more of an indication that he is spread too thin by his own action. He has to balance two relationships that are unique in their own right. This has caused a lot of back and forth, physically and mentally.  Because of this he is able to completely neglect one without giving it much thought as he is completely sucked into the other relationship. While it isn't a morally good decision, it does show a sense of growth as he is changing to care about each relationship more, just not enough to sustain both at the same time.

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Week 4 character 1 Toru

1 “In the spring gloom, they looked like flesh that had burst through the skin over festering wounds. The garden filled up with the sweet, heavy stench of rotting flesh. And that's when I thought of Naoko's flesh. Naoko's beautiful flesh lay before me in the darkness, countless buds bursting through her skin, green and trembling in an almost imperceptible breeze. Why did such a beautiful body have to be so sick? I wondered. Why didn't they just leave Naoko alone?” Page 247

2 During his move Toru finds a letter that he seemed to misplace. It was recent but not opened in the timely manner that it should have been. He opens it and he sees that it’s from Naokos roommate in the mental health facility. Reiko updates Toru on Naokos worsening condition and states that she has been getting worse by the day and is at risk of being transferred to a mental health facility. Toru of course finds this troubling.

3 He uses the seasons and the beauty they usually bring to contrast it to Naoko’s worsening state as it is an ugly rot compared to the spring's pretty bloom. This shows his attitude towards the state she is in, seeing it as deteriorating her. This is very telling as he is almost unable to see her for the person she once was, as if she withered. This could also reveal a lot of how he sees this relationship as he knows its not normal, this being similar yet vastly different from how he sees his relationship with Midori. This also shows the compassion yet lack of understanding he holds for her situation. While he hopes for her to recover, he is seemingly not understanding of how this process will unfold. This leads into more investment which causes him to neglect his other relationship, showing how unequipped he is to be in both at once.

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Week 4 character 2 Midori

1 “April was too lonely a month to spend all alone. In April, everyone ground me looked happy. People would throw their coats off and enjoy each other's company in the sunshine- talking, playing catch, holding hands. But I was always by myself. Naoko, Midori, Nagasawa: all of them had gone away from where I stood. Now I had no one to say "Good morning" to or "Have a nice day." I even missed Stormtrooper. I spent the whole month with this hopeless sense of isolation. I tried a few times to speak to Midori, but the answer I got from her was always the same: "I don't want to talk to you now," and I knew from her tone of voice that she meant it. She was always with the girl with glasses, or else I saw her with a tall, short-haired guy. He had these incredibly long legs and always wore white basketball shoes.” Page 255

2 After trying to reconnect with Midori, Toru is shown why his inaction with his relationships crippled them. It happens to His relationship with Midori as she is rightfully mad that she is cast aside. Rightfully so as she was completely in the dark with no updates on his life. We of course know he was with Naoko and tending to that relationship. This leads to a dismantling of the relationship between Midori and Toru.

3 Torus' lack of emotional investment in every relationship has caused him to lose so many connections that he actually valued. These of course being among the few he has actually cared about throughout his life. This isolation adds to his sullen demeanor and he actually tried to help himself out of it for once. Yet when he reaches out to someone he cares for they reject it as Toru is too unaware to realize his mistake. His casualness was too much at this point and it had actual ramifications to his relationships now. This acts as a turning point for Toru to realize his mistakes and hopefully better himself from now on.

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Week 4 character 3 Kizuki

1 “No not that. You made your decision long before Naoko died - that you could never leave Midori. Whether Naoko is alive or dead, it has nothing to do with your decision. You chose Midori. Naoko chose to die. You're all grown up now, so you have to take responsibility for your choices. Otherwise, you ruin everything." Page 287

2 We get a really abrupt announcement of the death of Naoko, Torus former love. He talks to her old roommate, Reiko through a letter and they finally get to talk. She is in deep grieving as she really connected with her. While expressing his grief Toru mourns but Reiko says he can’t mourn until he realizes what he did which was pass her up over Mirodi. She seems frustrated.

3 Kizuki forces Toru to realize what he has been throughout the course of the book. He simply was not able to change. While the death of Naoko was out of his hands, he still holds immense guilt over it. Toru used Naoko for his own fulfillment the night she had her breakdown, he used her to learn how to invest himself in a person, yet he was still unable to. Despite this, Kizuki still offers help as he is unable to see it himself. She knows Toru has another love, she tells him to win up to what he has done and what he is. He was never able to choose so he was chosen for. She warns him to take this death and not let it be in vain, though it is a selfish gain he gets out of it.

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1 “I telephoned Midori "I have to talk to you," I said. "I have a million things to talk to you about. A million things we have to talk about. All I want in this world is you. I want to see you and talk. I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning."

Midori responded with a long, long silence- the silence of all the misty rain in the world falling on all the new-mown lawns of the world.Forehead pressed against the glass, I shut my eyes and waited. At last, Midori's quiet voice broke the silence: "Where are you now?"” Page 293

2 Toru has been very depressed just traveling throughout Japan. He has no awareness of where he’s at at any given moment. He had a conversation that made him realize that he needs someone at the very least. He begins to miss Midori and calls her. They realize how far apart they really are. He years for her through the depression, she is simply just existing.

3 Torus depression following the death of Naoko leaves him lost. He is unable to find meaning in anything and simply wanders aimlessly. This shows how he never changed. He knows he had Midori, that he should be with her, but he also is still unable to let go of Naoko. He is able to embrace his love yet do nothing about it, act as if nothing is possible. He continues to wallow, allowing Naokos death to be in vain as he is unable to express his love for Midori. Climaxing in this display of love, yet the roles are reversed here. He is shown how he treats others as the response he gets is distant and oblivious.