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Hi Anaya! First off, your usage of elevated sophisticated vocabulary  on your transition words really made the paragraph strong. For example, you used transitions like “empowering,” “definite,” “voicing,” etc. It made your analysis very smooth.  In addition, I loved your explanation. It was distinct. I was able to understand  the paragraph really well because of your explanation. However, a suggestion that I can offer for improvement is to vary the word “action” a bit. This is used quite often throughout the paragraph. Perhaps switching it up to be “motion” or “measure” would help to eliminate repetitiveness.

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Hi Anaya, first off I loved your expressive word choice like when you used “mercilessly” and “immense”  which made your paragraph interesting and professional sounding. It also helped to refine your claim. Another thing I liked was your claim sentence which was elaborate and thoughrouh. Another thing I liked was your explanation that explained the evidence and claim sentence perfectly. Great job Anaya!

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Hi Anaya! To start off, the way you used such advanced vocabulary impressed me. As an example, you used magnificent words such as “cluster,” “violently,” “trigger,” and “voicing.” Great job! To add on, something else that exceeded expectations of a 6th grader is how you incorporated each transition word effortlessly. Some transitions that surprised me were “In truth,” “however,” and “furthermore.” Although this piece was amazing, if you had time you could have looked over it a bit more. I did see a couple of errors, but they were minimal. You did a great job!

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Hi, Anaya! First off, I enjoyed your strong word choice. They were perfectly added to your piece, especially how you used so many in your paragraph. For example, “mercilessly, triggering, and friendlier.” In addition, you use extremely great descriptions that really elevate your piece. Descriptions in your paragraph like, “...the obvious and truthful theme…, plump, pink bodies which were now completely featherless, violently hurt the innocent bird” help the reader understand your theme better. Something I thought you could do better in your paragraph would be nothing because your paragraph was perfect.

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Wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow you made such a good paragraph
I really liked how you varied your word choice and used great words to describe how “cruel and heartless” the small birds were. I also loved how you made your paragraph SUPER long. It means you have a lot of great things! No wishes, just a question. Do you miss Anagha? I do.

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Hi Anaya! A strength of theme analysis is your explanation.You had a strong word choice that made it more interesting to read. It made it seem more professional. For example, when you said “In life, fears will arise as one experiences new things, but without weaving through fears and finding ways to overcome them, one will always be limited in life. You made a strong sentence. “  Another star is your evidence. The way you described it made it seem like I was actually Piper, and I was watching from under the sand. When you said “As a wave is about to come crashing down on her, Piper burrows deep into the sand and braces herself to be hit by the rough water. As the waves splash over her, Piper opens her eyes and realizes that she’s underwater and is planted sturdily in the sand, so she won’t be washed away.” I felt like I was Piper. A wish I have is your changed up the word choice for the sum it up so it was in a more different and creatively expressed way to say the theme. For example, instead you could have said “In summation, the inspirational and important theme in the Pixar Short, Piper  you should never give up one something you are afraid of and sohuld instead overcome it.”

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Hi Anaya! A strength of your theme analysis paragraph, “Petrified Piper” is the claim sentence. It is well worded and has a strong theme. I especially enjoyed it when it stated, “extremely heart-warming” and “rather new ways to overcome them.” Additionally, I also enjoyed the transition words you used. They made sense and had high vocabulary. I enjoyed the transitions, “To elaborate” and “Furthermore.” However, one suggestion I can offer  is to vary your word choice for the word overcome. You use it a lot in your paragraph. Instead you could say confounded. Other than that, great job!

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Hi Anaya! A strength of your Pixar analysis paragraph, “Petrified Piper” is your explicit word choice. The huge variety of words you used was unbelievable! These words varied from short and complex to long and simple. Great job! Another great attribute of your piece was how elaborate you were in BOTH of your explanations. Especially when you explained why the theme was important in life, I could see clearly what you were saying. Great job! Although this was an extraordinary piece, something you could’ve done better was that you could have broadened some sentences in your piece. Although most of the sentences in this piece were elongated, some were short and choppy. Great job though!

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Hi Anaya! One thing I liked in your writing piece Petrified Piper was your strong word choice and transitions which really helped elaborate your piece and made it very clear and interesting to read and I liked that you didn’t use the same transitions over and over but instead you varied them. Another thing I liked was your evidence which fit perfectly with your theme and made it very clear and easy to read. I have nothing bad to say about your writing piece so another thing I liked was your sum up sentence which restated the claim perfectly which helped sum it up. Great job overall!

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Hi Anaya! One strength in your essay, “The Perfect Pets” is your anecdotes. They are so descriptive. I feel like I’m right there, doing those exact actions! (Although I probably wouldn’t do what the girl did in the introduction paragraph). Another strength into your essay is the way you start off your anecdotes. Every time I start to read one, it jumps straight into action! Although this piece looks perfect, you could have checked over it for errors a bit more if you had time. I did see a couple of errors, but you did well. Great job! (By the way, don’t forget to highlight your transition words blue).

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Hi Anaya! One strength in your essay, “Unacceptable Uniforms” is your descriptive anecdotes. As soon as I read the first one, I felt like I was right there! The amount of adjectives you used in them, it’s almost mind blowing! Another strength you have in your essay is your transitions. They were so smooth, it was almost like they were meant to be there
(they probably were). It was also great how you varied them out, using a different one almost every time. Although this piece was amazing, a wish I have for this piece is that you could have revised over it a bit more. I did see a couple of errors here and there, and they could have been fixed. But overall, amazing job!

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One strength in your writing piece “Unacceptable Uniforms” is the descriptive scene in the beginning which includes a lot of significant detail which really gives me a picture in my mind of what this girl is going through because of uniforms which I thought was a great addition to your writing piece. Another strength was your evidence which helped make very clear what you were saying and helped elaborate on your claim. Another strength was your conclusion which created a sense that this was a very urgent matter and the last sentence really helped the reader start thinking about what they could do to help. I have nothing bad to say about your writing, great job!

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Great job on your CEES paragraph! One star I have for your personal narrative is the beginning of your anecdote. I like some you started off describing the orca and it’s majestic traits. Another star that your persuasive piece earned was your description in your sum up. I really see the description in the ending. Great word choice! One wish I have for you is that maybe you could’ve done a second anecdote that you went over it more carefully because you must have written something by mistake in your evidence. You doubled the part ‘To elaborate, the article “SeaWorld : Friend or Foe” by Natasa Daly, states “In addition, a harsh reality is’. But great job overall!

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Hi Anaya! I loved your narrative The Messy Marker Sun. A strength of it was how the actions of everyone clearly displayed their personality and what they were like. You described everybody’s reactions really well and it was interesting to read your story because of that. Another thing I liked about your story was how creative the ending was, and how everyone had changed. The ending was a great way to end your story, and it was very unique. Although if I were to add something I would more different sentence starters. Overall, I loved your story!

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Great job on your narrative! One strength that you had was your exploded moments. It looked like all of the main moments exploded from the beginning, but I was able to tell apart the exploded moments. They described what was going on and it was like I was Margot. Another thing you did well on is the time that passed in the closet. I never knew that a tiny, dark space could have so much description. One thing that you might need to work on is the beginning. You did great on it, but I think you could have added a bit more to intrigue the reader. But you did great!

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A strength of your memoir, “Hospitalized”, was your desperation to go to your soccer tournament, and the shock that had shattered you to pieces when you found out that you couldn’t go. Your many usages of figurative language helped me feel the way you were confused, upset, and distressed. As you told me about the hospital’s hopeless sickening odor seeping into you, I knew how you felt, how the forlorn feeling of desolate negativity was eating you up, and how much you wanted to be outside, smiling, and being happy on a Friday. I liked the way you described in detail about how much you wanted to be free of the hospitality, and how you learned that your health is more important than anything. I also liked how you brightened up and learned that new trains with new possibilities would come your way, and I understood that this was true. However, a suggestion that I can offer for improvement is to describe more in detail about how much you wanted to be on the soccer field, and how much soccer mattered to you. If you were to tell the reader more about how important the soccer tournament is to you, it would let the reader know why your soccer tournament is essential to you.

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A strength of “Hospitalized” is that how descriptive your writing piece is. Every moment has some sort of luring detail. That is a great strength for allowing people to be in the moment with you. Another strength that is in your memoir, is how you explained your figurative language. Once you included your figurative language, you didn’t step away and instead explained what it meant in a “not telling” way. However, some feedback to offer would be to use some different ideas in figurative language rather than repeating them.