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Okay

Okay

OMG! Stop flirting with me!

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''Peter Van Houten was the only person I'd ever came across who seemed to (A)understand what it's like to be dying and (B) not have died.''

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''Peter Van Houten was the only person I'd ever came across who seemed to (A)understand what it's like to be dying and (B) not have died.''

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"All at once I couldn't figure out why I was methodically tossing a spherical object through a torodial object. It seemed like the stupidest thing I could possibly be doing."

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"All at once I couldn't figure out why I was methodically tossing a spherical object through a torodial object. It seemed like the stupidest thing I could possibly be doing."

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"I hardly know you Augustus Waters. You could be an axe murderer."

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"I hardly know you Augustus Waters. You could be an axe murderer."

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But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at

my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will

tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a

world without him ...And then, having made my rhetorical

point, I will put my robot eyes on, because I mean, with robot

eyes you can probably see through girls’ shirts and stuff.

Augustus, my friend, Godspeed

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Me: "Hump the moist cave wall."
Computer: "You attempt to jump. You hit your head."
Isaac: "Not jump. HUMP."
Computer: "I don't understand."
Isaac: "Dude, I've been alone in the dark in this cave

for weeks and I need some relief. HUMP THE CAVE WALL."
Computer: "You attempt to ju-"
Me: "Thrust pelvis against the cave wall."
Computer: "I do not-"
Isaac: "Make sweet love to the cave."
Computer: "I do not-”

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“I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin.”

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“I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin.”

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Me: If you want me to be a teenager, don’t send me to Support Group. Buy me a fake ID so I can go to clubs, drink vodka, and take pot.
Mom: You don’t take pot, for starters.
Me: See, that’s the kind of thing I’d know if you got me a fake ID.

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“Tell me my copy is missing the last twenty pages or something.

Hazel Grace, tell me I have not reached the end of this book.

OH MY GOD DO THEY GET MARRIED OR NOT OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS?!”

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Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children

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Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children

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“Whenever you read a cancer booklet or website or whatever, they always

list depression among the side effects of cancer. But, in fact, depression is

not a side effect of cancer. Depression is a side effect of dying.”

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You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing.

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You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing.

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"But you don't even have my phone number," he said."I strongly suspect you wrote it in this book." He broke out into that goofy smile.  "And you say we don't know each other.”

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"But you don't even have my phone number," he said."I strongly suspect you wrote it in this book." He broke out into that goofy smile.  "And you say we don't know each other.”

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“There will come a time when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when

there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our

species ever did anything. There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let

alone you. Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be

forgotten and all of this will have been for naught. Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe

it is millions of years away, but even if we survive the collapse of our sun, we will not survive

forever. There was time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time

after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it.

God knows that’s what everyone else does.”

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Someone should tell Jesus," I said. "I mean, it's gotta be dangerous, storing children with cancer in your heart.""I would tell him myself," Augustus said, "but unfortunately I am literally stuck inside of His heart, so he won't be able to hear me."

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Someone should tell Jesus," I said. "I mean, it's gotta be dangerous, storing children with cancer in your heart.""I would tell him myself," Augustus said, "but unfortunately I am literally stuck inside of His heart, so he won't be able to hear me."