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Welcome to Sex Ed for Self-Advocates This guide is a sexuality and sex education resource written specifically for autistic people age 15 and up. Autistic people sometimes don’t have the chance to learn about sexuality and sex in ways that work for them, so OAR created this guide as a starting point…

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Dean Beadle is an autistic conference speaker, writer and singer. He has delivered over 900 talks in seven countries and has sung at balls, festivals and conferences in the UK, Ireland and Denmark. He is gay and can often be found adorned in tassels and sequins.
OK, I know you must be thinking "what on earth can some bloke in his thirties tell me about being a teenager?" How can someone old enough to remember Woolworths, Wizardora and Wendy Richard tell you anything about being a teenager in 2022? And you'd be right. It has been a hot minute since I was a teenager, and I'd be the first to admit that I know precious little about growing up in today's world. BUT what I do know about is the process of making sense of your neurodivergence and your sexuality all at the same time. So, whilst we are from different generations, give me a chance, even if there's just one of the following five points that's useful in here, then it's worth giving this blog a go.
1. You are allowed to be who you are
Whether you are homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, asexual, queer... there is no shame in whatever sexuality you are. Thankfully the world is more accepting of sexuality now than it used to be (although of course there's still lots of room for improvement). When I was growing up, we lived in a very binary world. The expectation was that you were either straight or gay (although of course being gay was still difficult due to it being a more homophobic time). Thankfully we now realise sexuality is a spectrum made up of tonnes of sexualities. However you identify is OK and you deserve to be accepted because of who you are not despite it.
2. The answers will develop over time
Us autistic folk are no fans of uncertainty. Of course you may want to have definite answers around who you are, and it can be hugely distressing to be processing questions that you don't have immediate answers to. But unfortunately sexuality and identity tends to be something we work out as we go along. It takes time to make sense of who you are. Sexuality is an ongoing process of understanding. You are allowed to evolve and grow in your own time.
3. There's no hurry
At the age of seventeen I wanted a boyfriend. Immediately. If I could have ordered one on Deliveroo I would have done, with a side order of happy ever after. And chips, of course. Always chips. At that time, I'd been having a tough time with my mental health and thought that securing myself a fella would be the magic wand that would solve everything. How wrong can you be? A relationship can be a life enhancing wonderful thing, but it was never going to magic away my mental health challenges. I was vulnerable and was at risk of rushing into something for all the wrong reasons. Dating can also be an unpredictable process. Will it work out? Will we end up in a relationship? Because of my autistic need for certainty, I'd try to skip through the process of getting to know the person and jump straight into a relationship. As a result, I ended up in short lived relationships with people who weren't the best fit for me (my record for the shortest was three days, which surely is some sort of world record??) What I am saying is, there is no hurry, you have all the time in the world to find someone should you be interested in a relationship. And when that time comes, take your time to make sure that whatever relationship you eventually get into is right for you and that you are with the right person. It's worth the wait in the long run. Equally, you may never want to be in a relationship, and that's a perfectly valid choice too.
4. S.E.X
Yep, I'm going to go there and make us all very uncomfortable for a few minutes. Sorry about that, but here comes the sex talk. There can feel like there is enormous pressure to have sex. We're often made to feel that it's compulsory part of growing up. But it's important to remember that sex is always optional. You don't ever have to have sex if you don't want to. (Oh and by the way, the 'sex' that is often depicted on adult websites does not remotely reflect what happens in real life, those are fantasy images that are heavily choreographed and scripted and do not reflect what sex is like in real life). OK, that's enough sex chat for now, I'm making myself cringe so heaven knows how you're feeling, but remember that everybody has the right to set their own boundaries around what they do and don't want to do with their bodies and have a right to have those boundaries respected.
5. Autistic Pride
As a pre-teen, I remember being obsessed with the concept of "normal". I distinctly remember comparing myself to my classmates and being sure that I was the odd one out. Over time I grew to realise that 'normal' is a harmful myth, and that all the things that made me 'stand out' were the things that made me who I am. I grew to celebrate being autistic. So, the last piece of advice I'd give you, is to say that you are fabulous because you are autistic and never despite it. There may be folk you'll encounter who will react to you negatively. Try not to internalise that. Their ignorance and lack of understanding is never your fault. That's on THEM. Over time, you'll find your people. People who understand and celebrate you because of who you are. Anyone who doesn't can get in the bin.

Being a teenager is a weird old time, but it's survivable and, it's not all bad. It's an unsettling time of change, but trust the process, have pride in who you are and surround yourself with people who value you and respect you. You're already wonderful just the way you are.

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Being an autistic teen navigating sexuality by Dean Beadle - Reachout ASC

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Dean Beadle is an autistic conference speaker, writer and singer. He has delivered over 900 talks in seven countries and has sung at balls, festivals and conferences in the UK, Ireland and Denmark. He is gay and can often be found adorned in tassels and sequins.

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So you want to learn about neurodiversity, how to be a better ally and lean into supporting your child in an affirming way. Here are some resources to support your journey.

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At Just One Norfolk, we provide trusted NHS advice on children’s health, including support for children with additional needs and their families

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Breaking learning down into smaller chunks can make it feel less overwhelming and more achievable. Using a visual reminder of keeping safe means focusing on positive targets. By writing up the task for the period and the steps to achieve it again reduces anxiety and gives a clear path to success.
Class target sheet Science Target sheet Home Economics Target Sheet Technical target sheet

Huge thanks to everyone!

We're back!!
Changes to Self Isolation Jan 2022
This is based on information from the Scottish Government website and can be found here.
reasonable adjustments
Coronavirus (COVID-19) update: First Minister's statement - 5 January 2022 - gov.scot (www.gov.scot) (last viewed 6/1/22)

This is not our information, we have only visualised the information. If you have questions regarding the rules please contact your elected officials.

Reasonable adjustments are what we change in order to become more equitable or just. This may be something like building a ramp into a building to make it more accessible or it could be something providing access to ear defenders when there is a planned fire alarm. By giving young people the opportunity to work out what they need, allows them opportunities to advocate for themselves as they get older.

We use this in class and pupils circle what they need in order for them to be able to access and take part in the learning activities.

We use this one to support pupils when they are unable to verbally express themselves. These are cut into cards and put onto a key ring. The pupil then sits this on their desk with the card facing up, when they have something to communicate.

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Communication Friendly Environments – We are here to help you adapt your environment to ensure it is communication friendly. There are lots of ways to do this. We will focus mainly on the use of visuals. Find us on twitter @SchoolsNlc

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September 23, 2023 by Mrs Young 0 comments

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SEND support groups and events - Making Sense of SEND - Norfolk County Council

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Free events for parent carers and professionals. An opportunity to gather knowledge, ask questions and share ideas

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To improve the confidence, skills and social engagement of vision impaired people of all ages in Norfolk by delivering high-quality services and practical and emotional support which enable them to live independent and fulfilled lives.

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Discover Your Ability with Able2B. Contact us today to find out more.

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Norfolk and Waveney Autism/ADHD Support Service

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Improving outcomes for children and young people awaiting assessment for autism/ADHD or recently diagnosed.

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The Direct Payment Support Service (DPSS) teams are here to help if you or your representative have chosen to receive a direct payment to meet assessed care needs.

Click4Assistance UK Live Chat Software

If you are an adult with eligible care needs, this would be your personal budget. For a child or young person with special educational needs and/or disabilities, this would be a short breaks budget.

We can help you with:

Information, advice and guidance

Finding a personal assistant carer

Employment support

Personal assistant carer training

Payment services

Direct Payment Support Service logo

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Direct Payment Support Service - Norfolk County Council

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Services and advice available for those receiving direct payments to pay for care, and for carers and personal assistants

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New to using Help You Choose? Take a look at the following videos to help you set up an account, make an application, and find your way around.

Apply to sixth forms, colleges and providers through Help You Choose with this guide to help you complete and send an application.

A step-by-step guide to help you log into your account with your username and password and complete your personal profile.

The Info & Advice section can help you find out about your choices after Year 11. This video will help you get the most out of Help You Choose.

See all news

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Wellbeing is important to us all. We want to feel good about ourselves, to get the most out of our lives and feel connected to other people. ‘Wellbeing’ means feeling more than just happy and confident, it means feeling able to cope when things get tough in our lives or when our physical health suffers.

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Norfolk Schools and Learning Providers - Norfolk County Council

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School & Community Teams - What are School & Community Teams? - Norfolk Schools and Learning Providers - Norfolk County Council

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Our Start for Life and family hubs approach supports a shared ambition that Norfolk is a place where all children and young people can flourish. By joining up and enhancing existing services, we want to ensure all children, young people and their parents and carers can access the early support they need when they need it.

Our family hubs approach supports parents and carers of children and young people from conception up to the age of 19-years-old (25 for young people with special educational needs and/or disabilities).

Families can access support:

Within their community in places they already visit that are part of our Start for Life and family hub network

Virtually through online and digital platforms

By visiting a family hub site, and talking to a relevant professional or practitioner in person

From another parent or carer, as we develop more volunteer peer support opportunities

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Our family hubs approach supports parents and carers of children and young people from conception up to 19-years-old (25 for young people with SEND)

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Our aim is to improve services for our children and young people by ensuring that families' voices are heard by planners and decision-makers.

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Nansa was founded in 1954 by a group of families; for the purposes of providing meaningful and enriching activities and support to their adult children with cerebral palsy. In the 65 years since; Nansa has grown to provide a far wider range of specialist provision, for people of all ages living with disabilities and/or those with complex behavioural, sensory, or developmental needs.

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The Dragons Project began in 2011 (under a different name) as an independent organisation and, although based at Nansa, the project was not actually part of the charity. They became the 'Dragons' after a consultation with participants in 2016 and in April 2021, Dragons joined the Norfolk and Norwich SEND Association as a formal Nansa project and together, Nansa and the Dragons, aim to increase opportunities for advocacy and participation, in Norfolk, for young people with disabilities and special educational needs. The group now has a wide range of experience and have done quite a lot of things, including; reviewing and commissioning short break services for Norfolk County Council's Children with Disabilities team; facilitating interviews for senior posts in the council; and reviewing the accessibility of local sports and leisure facilities. The Dragons recently helped to redevelop the Local Offer (Preparing for Adulthood) website and prior to the pandemic in 2020, they had reviewed Norfolk Trails to check that walking routes are accessible and safe. The Dragons have also looked at employability and transition opportunities within day services, helping to ensure that young people with disabilities are supported to prepare for (and gain experience in) the real world of work; should that be something they wish to explore in the future. To find out more, or to get involved, please get in touch with Sarah Harrison (Head of Advocacy and Participation) on: 01603 414109 or email: referrals@nansa.org.uk
Thanks to support from the National Lottery Reaching Communities Fund, the Dragons have partnered with Active Norfolk and launched a new programme called Dragons On The Move; click the button below to find out more:

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Nansa and partners, proudly introduce a range of opportunities for Young People...

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Find your local service and leave your feedback...

Who are Healthwatch Norfolk?

Healthwatch Norfolk is the local health and social care champion for the County. We make sure NHS leaders and other decision makers hear your voice and use patient, carer and community feedback to improve care. We can also help people to find reliable and trustworthy information and advice.

Your feedback is used to better understand the challenges facing the NHS and other care providers and your experiences can help improve health and care for everyone.

If you're ready to tell your story or you need help getting information or advice - we're here to listen. Join the conversation by sharing your feedback or take a look at how you can get involved.

Information and guidance about COVID-19

As we learn to live with COVID-19, we are sharing some ways we can help protect ourselves and our loved ones.

This page gives an overview of health advice and support, as well as information and organisations that can help if you are struggling due to COVID-19.

Read more

Get involved and have your say

There are many ways you can get involved with us here at Healthwatch Norfolk to help improve local health and social care services. You can submit a review of a local health and social care service, get involved with one of our projects, fill in a survey or volunteer with us.

Get involved

Reports

The feedback we hear from patients, carers and the community is put into reports so we can share it with services providers and decisions makers to help make changes.

You can read our latest reports to find out more about what we're hearing and the information we are sharing with NHS decision makers.

Read our latest reports

Latest news from Healthwatch Norfolk

The work of Healthwatch Norfolk over the past 12 months was highlighted at its 2023 AGM It gave the opportunity for people to find out more about the work of the organisation, which seeks the views of people across the county on health and social care and passes that on to leaders to help shape...

A North Norfolk man who gave up a lot of his spare time to speak to care home residents about their experiences is being named a Healthwatch Hero. Tony Edwards is the first person to be given one of the awards which are going to be presented to people this year who have helped Healthwatch...

People are nearly four times more likely to share their thoughts on a dinner out or takeaway than on NHS services, according to a new survey. National research highlights how widespread the culture of reviewing products and services is now in England. When polled, 84% of adults said they would likely leave a review if...

As part of a wider Trust led review, Healthwatch Norfolk were commissioned by Queen Elizabeth Hospital King's Lynn NHS Foundation Trust to provide training to the Council of Governors. The training provided covered the role of Governors with a focus on engagement and representing members and the public. This interim report details the training provided, how well the Council of Governors are working, and improvements to consider.

We conducted a survey in order to gather information on Governors' knowledge and experience of their roles. Their feedback was then used to inform the content of the training package in order to provide the tools to appropriately engage with their constituents. Training sessions were run from the end of July to the end of August 2023 and covered the following topics: 1) Role of a Governor and the Council of Governors, 2) Where and how to do effective engagement, 3) Representation & Health Inequalities, and 4) What to do with feedback and Evidencing engagement. From the survey and training sessions we were able to identify themes and potential improvements in the way Governors work and how the Trust can support them.

In October 2023 we visited Wells Health Centre to speak with patients about their experience with health and social care services. From this visit we received 14 reviews for the centre with an average star rating of 4.8 out of five.

Feedback and intelligence reports

We were invited by the Clerk & Finance Officer of Harling Parish Council to visit East Harling Welcome Hub to speak with local residents about their experiences with local health and social care services. We visited the Welcome Hub in November and also visited East Harling Surgery.

From these visits we received 26 reviews for East Harling Surgery, we also received a further five reviews through our website since the start of October 2023 and three reviews through the post which are included in this report. The reviews have an average star rating of 2.2 out of five.

Feedback and intelligence reports

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Healthwatch Norfolk - Home - Join the conversation

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Who are Healthwatch Norfolk? Healthwatch Norfolk is the local health and social care champion for the County. We make sure NHS leaders and other decision makers hear your voice and use patient, carer and community feedback to improve care. We can also help people to find reliable and trustworthy information and advice.

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TITAN (Travel Independence Training across Norfolk) offers young people with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) support to help them to become confident independent travellers.

We offer a range of opportunities for young people aged 10 (Year 6) to 25, both in school and the community, supporting effective transition to travelling independently.

This is a free service offered by Children's Services providing comprehensive learning and support.

TITAN travel independence training has shown to have positive effects on the lives of the young people trained, as well as those around them. Successful travel training helps to:

Develop life skills so young people can become more independent, increasing confidence and self-esteem

Increase interaction with other young people of the same age, building important social skills

Open up more opportunities, such as greater access to education, training, jobs, volunteering, leisure and social activities

Build confidence about going to a new school or college

Provide greater freedom so young people can be less reliant on their parents and carers to take them places

Get in touch

If you want to know more about how TITAN can help, please email [email protected]

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TITAN travel training - Norfolk County Council

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Travel training opportunities for young people with special educational needs and disabilities to help them become independent travellers

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What is FIS?

The Norfolk Family Information Service (FIS) is an information and signposting service for parents, carers, young people, and professionals. We offer free, confidential, and impartial information about local services and support for children aged 0-19 years (or up to 25 for children with disabilities). These include funded early education and childcare, home learning and related services in Norfolk.

There is also online information and advice in Children and families and Norfolk Education Online.

Signposting service

We can also direct you to other services and organisations which can help you. We work closely with libraries, Jobcentre Plus, Early Childhood and Family Services and many more to support children and their families.

Home learning

Home learning is everything a child experiences with their family that influences their development and lifelong achievement. We promote the importance of a child's first 1001 days of life and the impact this period can have on a child's later development and ability to learn.

Help to find childcare

We offer a brokerage service helping you find childcare. We prioritise families who have children with SEND, who are having problems finding early education and childcare in their area.

We support the creation of additional childcare places in areas of greatest need.

Contact us

The views of parents/carers are important to help us improve services.

For further information and help finding childcare please contact us, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm.

Email: [email protected]

Telephone: 0344 800 8020

Find us on social media:

FIS on Facebook

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Family Information Service - Norfolk County Council

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We provide confidential and impartial advice and guidance on funded early education and childcare, home learning and related services

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Early Childhood and Family Service (ECFS) - Norfolk County Council

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The Early Childhood and Family Service supports 0-5-year-olds and their families

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TITAN (Travel Independence Training across Norfolk) offers young people with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) support to help them to become confident independent travellers.

We offer a range of opportunities for young people aged 10 (Year 6) to 25, both in school and the community, supporting effective transition to travelling independently.

This is a free service offered by Children's Services providing comprehensive learning and support.

TITAN travel independence training has shown to have positive effects on the lives of the young people trained, as well as those around them. Successful travel training helps to:

Develop life skills so young people can become more independent, increasing confidence and self-esteem

Increase interaction with other young people of the same age, building important social skills

Open up more opportunities, such as greater access to education, training, jobs, volunteering, leisure and social activities

Build confidence about going to a new school or college

Provide greater freedom so young people can be less reliant on their parents and carers to take them places

Get in touch

If you want to know more about how TITAN can help, please email [email protected]

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TITAN travel training - Norfolk County Council

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Travel training opportunities for young people with special educational needs and disabilities to help them become independent travellers

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Winter bugs and viruses are usually mild, but can sometimes become more serious. It can be hard to know what to do when your baby or child is ill and when you can manage this at home or need to see a doctor or nurse for more help.

We have put together information about keeping your family well this winter, as well as help on finding agencies and schemes that can provide support if you are struggling and tips for staying warm.

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Health Advice & Support for Children - Just One Norfolk

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Here at Just One Norfolk, we are dedicated to providing children and young people's health services to the community. Find out more about our services

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KIDS support over 11,800 disabled children, young people and their families every year by delivering over 60 services throughout England.

We ensure disabled children from birth to 25 have the opportunity to learn, play, build friendships, gain confidence and improve their well-being and we provide vital time, emotional and practical support to parents and siblings.

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special educational needs and disability

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KIDS support over 11,800 disabled children, young people and their families every year by delivering over 60 services throughout England. We ensure disabled children from birth to 25 have the opportunity to learn, play, build friendships, gain confidence and improve their well-being and we provide vital time, emotional and practical support to parents and siblings.

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Welcome to the website of the Dyslexia Outreach Service. We hope our website will provide you with a great deal of useful information, resources, tips and strategies, as well as the latest information on all the courses we are running.

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Welcome to Norfolk SEND Partnership. Norfolk SEND Partnership offer information and advice to children, young people and parents/carers about special

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A website about autism, for autistic young people - so that everyone can gain a better understanding of what autism actually is.

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Hey,

Ellie - Your Free AI Legal Assistant for Parents of Disabled Children 💜

Getting the right support for your child can feel overwhelming, but you're not alone. Ellie is a free AI-powered legal assistant here to help with EHCPs, SEND law, appeals, and everyday challenges. Start your free conversation below.
Ellie is a free AI-powered assistant designed to help parents navigate:

✅ EHCPs & SEND law - Understand your child's rights and how to secure the right support.
✅ Appeals & complaints - Get guidance on challenging decisions made by schools or local authorities.
✅ Everyday challenges at home - Find strategies for sleep, routines, and managing transitions.
✅ Understanding legal documents - Copy and paste text, and Ellie will explain it in clear, simple terms.
✅ Drafting responses - Need to reply to a school or the council? Ellie can help draft a professional response.

💬 How to Use Ellie
Just start a conversation above or click the speech bubble in the bottom right-hand corner and start chatting.
Ellie is here 24/7 to offer support, clarity, and guidance whenever you need it. For more complex AI assistance, including analyzing letters, legal correspondence, and EHCP overviews, please contact us directly for personalized support and service we offer.
You don't have to navigate this system alone - Ellie is here to help. 💜

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Ask Ellie - Free AI Legal Assistant | EHCP & SEND Support For Parents

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Ask Ellie is a free AI legal assistant helping parents of disabled children navigate EHCPs, SEND law, appeals, and everyday challenges. Get clear, simple guidance-just click the chat bubble to start!

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New online learning to help you understand your development and feelings.

Understanding your brain

Understanding your feelings

Sign up for FREE with access code: JON70

Get started

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Health advice and information for 11 to 24 year olds across Norfolk & Waveney, with trusted advice from NHS clinicians.

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Autism Central - England's Peer Education Programme

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Autism Central offers a wealth of resources for parents, carers and personal assistants of autistic people in England - from articles and learning materials to signposting you to services and support in your local area.

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Wellbeing is important to us all. We want to feel good about ourselves, to get the most out of our lives and feel connected to other people. 'Wellbeing' means feeling more than just happy and confident, it means feeling able to cope when things get tough in our lives or when our physical health suffers.

Norfolk and Waveney Talking Therapies provide a range of support for people with common mental health and emotional issues, such as low mood, depression, or stress. We work with you to help you make the necessary changes to improve your wellbeing and quality of life.

Our services are free and are available to people aged 16 and over living in Norfolk & Waveney.

If you are aged 16 and over you can access our support through your GP or any other health or social care professional, or you can self-refer using the form on this website or by calling us:
0300 123 1503

Our phone lines are open 8am to 8pm Monday-Friday.

If you are aged 15 or under, talk to your GP about what other services are available to you.

Services we provide include:
Support available in your area

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Wellbeing is important to us all. We want to feel good about ourselves, to get the most out of our lives and feel connected to other people. 'Wellbeing' means feeling more than just happy and confident, it means feeling able to cope when things get tough in our lives or when our physical health suffers.

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Steps For School Song  |  @BestStartinLife + @MCGrammarTV  🎤 | Educational Rap Songs for Kids 🎵

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The Children’s Toothbrushing Guide - Starting Reception

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Baby teeth aren’t just practice teeth. They help children bite and chew, support speech development, guide adult teeth into place and boost confidence when smiling. When teeth aren’t cared for, it leads to tooth decay which can cause pain, infection and long-term oral health problems.

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The Potty Training Guide - Starting Reception

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Potty training is an important milestone in your child’s development. We understand that all children develop at their own pace, but research shows it’s best for your child’s bowel and bladder health to stop using nappies, including reusable nappies, pull ups and training pants, between 18 and 30 months.

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What should I do if I have concerns about my child's development?

If you're worried about your child's progress, talk to your childminder/nursery/pre-school team, health visitor, local children's centre or Family Hub.

If your child has developmental delays or SEND (suspected or confirmed), speak to their nursery, childminder, or health visitor/nursery/pre-school team well before they start Reception and discuss their needs when you are selecting schools.

You can work with your child's early years setting to help your child with self-care, managing emotions, social skills and communication in a way that suits their stage of development.

​You might want to share details about: their development, needs, what motivates them, what might trigger difficulties, how they learn best, and what strategies work well.

Make sure you share important information with everyone supporting your child, including their new Reception teacher.

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Your child's journey to school starts at home. We understand that all children develop at their own pace, and that we're all learning from birth. When it's time to start school, some children will need more help than others.

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Autism is a lifelong neurological difference, which means that autistic individuals interact and experience the world in a different way to non-autistic people. The concept of neurodiversity teaches us that there is natural diversity in the way the human brain works. Autism is an example of neurodivergence, and as such should be viewed as a natural difference to be supported, rather than a deficit or disorder to be treated.

Autism is a spectrum - every autistic individual will have their own unique strengths and challenges. Although the autistic experience is different for each individual, there are shared areas of difference. The main areas of difference relate to:

Communication and language differences.

Social interaction differences.

Rigid and repetitive behaviours, activities, and interests.

Sensory differences.

Autistic masking refers to the suppression of elements of a person's autistic experience or identity. In this article, we will look at what is meant by autistic masking, and provide some examples of how masking might manifest. As someone supporting autistic children in an educational setting (or at home), it is essential that you have an understanding of why some children may mask their needs. At the end of the article, we will discuss some strategies to help support them.

What Does Autistic Masking Mean?

Research is in its infancy with regards to autistic masking, but it is thought that 94% of autistic adults have masked at some point in their lives (Sedgewick et al, 2022).

Autistic masking refers to the conscious or unconscious suppression or hiding of elements of a person's autistic identity. This is often referred to as a social survival strategy - used to conform to expected 'norms', cope with situations or environments, or avoid expressing anxiety.

Autistic author, Helen Ellis, uses the example of Superman's alter ego, Clark Kent, to illustrate masking. Superman knows that he is different and that in order to 'fit in' with society, he has to suppress his differences and invent an unassuming role - someone that nobody will notice.

Autistic masking can be considered a response to stigma and trauma ( Pearson and Rose, 2021). The fact that autistic people may need a social survival strategy suggests that society is currently not meeting their needs.

Kieran Rose, Autistic Advocate

Whilst awareness of autism is growing, understanding and acceptance needs to improve. Research by the National Autistic Society found that 79% of autistic people felt socially isolated because of a lack of public understanding of autism.

Masking takes an exhausting amount of effort. Whilst occasional masking can help autistic people in the moment, sustained masking can have a detrimental effect on mental health and wellbeing, as recognised in ICD-11 (the current international diagnostic criteria for a medical diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder). We will look further at the potential effects of masking later in this article.

Our Autism Awareness in Education Training teaches those working in education settings how to effectively support autistic children and young people in their care. You could also take a look at our SEND in the Classroom course which is designed to help you understand how to provide individualised, effective support to children and young people with special educational needs.

Autistic Masking Examples

Masking can take many different forms. These can be conscious or unconscious strategies that an individual uses in different situations. It must be remembered that autistic masking is not the same as a non-autistic person employing short-term social strategies in situations that are challenging - for example, acting more confidently than they feel for an important presentation.

Autistic masking can involve a person denying large parts of their identity - for example not allowing intense anxiety surrounding certain sensory experiences to show - sometimes on a long-term basis.

Examples of masking can include, but are not limited to:

Mimicking the social behaviour of others, including gestures or facial expressions.

Deliberately forcing or faking eye contact during conversations.

Hiding or underplaying their own intense interests.

Scripting or rehearsing conversations, or preparing a bank of 'stock phrases' for conversations.

Suppressing stimming (self-stimulating) behaviours.These are repetitive behaviours, such as whistling, jumping, finger-clicking, etc., which are used by autistic people to help self-regulate and for fun.

Internalising sensory discomfort.

Masking is not specific to any gender, but it is suggested that one of the reasons that less females are currently diagnosed may be due to particularly high levels of masking in those who have a more internal presentation of autism - of which those raised as girls make up a high proportion. (More information can be found in the Autistic Girls' Network report, Keeping it all inside.

Why Might Children and Young People Mask?

Currently most research regarding masking has focussed on autistic adults, although a need has been highlighted for more research into how masking starts in children.

Chris Bonello, autistic advocate, writer, and speaker, and ex-primary school teacher

Thinking back to the key areas of difference mentioned earlier, it is easy to see why education settings can present challenges for autistic children and young people. For example, there are a multitude of social conventions and expectations, a wealth of different sensory environments, and many situations grounded in non-autistic expectations of communication.

Children may internalise the anxiety this can generate and mask in order to get through the school day. Unfortunately, this means that their true needs may not be recognised, and that they do not receive support that could help to meet those needs. This can happen even after diagnosis, especially if children are meeting expected academic standards, as professionals do not necessarily observe difficulties.

Children may also mask due to fears for their safety or worries that they will be victimised for being 'different' if they do not try to conform. Shockingly, 75% of autistic young people have experienced bullying and only half of young people said that they felt safe at school (Ambitious About Autism).

How to Support Children Who Mask Their Needs

It is essential that we are able to support autistic learners effectively, and put in place adjustments to the learning environment that can allow them to be their true selves, without needing to mask.

Effects of Masking

The detrimental long-term effects of having to mask include:

Autistic fatigue or autistic burnout (severe exhaustion accompanied by other difficulties, including increased meltdowns or shutdowns).

Rejection of their own identity, impacting self-esteem.

Mental ill-health, including anxiety and depression.

Increased risk of suicidal thoughts (Kassidy et al, 2021).

Needs not being recognised or met.

Delayed diagnosis or lack of diagnosis.

Support Strategies

The following key strategies can help you to support autistic children who may be masking.

1. Develop Your Own Understanding of Autism

In 2021, the government published the latest autism strategy, which, for the first time, now includes children and young people. This strategy recognises that autistic children are currently not receiving the positive educational experiences that they are entitled to, and states that by 2026 the government wants:

Education settings to provide better and more inclusive support, [..] so that autistic people are better able to achieve their potential.

More teachers and educational staff to understand the specific needs of their autistic pupils, ensuring that more school placements can be sustained.

More autistic children to have their needs identified early on and to have positive experiences in education settings.

As education professionals, developing your own understanding of autism and what it means to be autistic (including awareness of the fact that children may mask their needs), will help you to work towards these aims. Our recently updated Autism Awareness in Education training can help you build your own knowledge and confidence in providing effective, individualised support for autistic learners, in addition to offering practical supportive strategies that can inform your practice.

For children to be less likely to mask, they need to feel that their autistic identities are respected and supported. Rather than expecting autistic people to change to 'fit in' to the environment, the environment needs to be changed to support neurodiversity.

Schools and other settings should aim to do this at a whole-school level, increasing understanding of autism within the school community (staff, pupils, and parents - including parents of non-autistic children). The whole school community should embrace the concept of neurodiversity, where they see autism as a difference, not a deficit.

Bullying of autistic children and young people is something that schools need to tackle. By law, a school's behaviour policy must set out measures to tackle any bullying that occurs, and staff should be trained to be vigilant to the signs of bullying. Work should also be done to encourage peers to be 'upstanders' rather than bystanders to bullying - to stand up and advocate for their peers.

Fintan J O'Regan, neurodiversity and education expert

3. Provide Individualised Support

Your support of children and young people with SEND should always be driven by their actual strengths and needs, and in line with the Graduated Approach. By making adjustments to effectively support individuals' differences, the impetus to mask should lessen.

Care should be taken to support autistic learners' social, emotional, and mental health. Figures show that 70% of autistic children have a mental health problem. Masking can both contribute to mental ill-health and camouflage the signs of mental-ill health. Therefore, it is doubly important to both understand masking and to support children's mental health to hopefully minimise the need to mask. Our articles How to Support SEMH in Schools and How to Help a Child with Anxiety in the Classroom offer some practical strategies that could be useful in your setting.

Building effective relationships with, and getting to know, the autistic learners that you support will be key in providing them with support that meets their individual needs. For example, knowing what makes them anxious, even if they mask their anxiety response, will allow you to remove that barrier, and therefore reduce the need to mask.

4. Listen to Parents and Carers

Parents are the experts on their own children. However, parents of autistic children who mask often report feeling unheard, shut down, or even judged as a bad parent when they report a picture of their child that is different to the one seen in school.

Many autistic children will present differently at home. This is often due to feeling safe, that they can fully be their true self at home, as well as experiencing less pressure to mask. (For example, they may stim more than at school because they don't fear judgement).

Often parents report what is sometimes called, 'the Coke bottle effect' - the pressure of coping with anxiety during the school day builds, and is only released when they get home.

This can be one reason why sometimes school staff report seeing no signs of difficulty but at home parents report distressed behaviour.

In order to properly support learners, teachers need to get a picture of their strengths and challenges at home. Conversations with parents can provide you with valuable insight, and help to establish successful home-school collaboration.

It is imperative that parents and carers are listened to. If they report concerns, do not dismiss them simply because you have not observed them. In fact, the difference between the two presentations should be a sign to alert you to the possibility that the child or young person is masking.
In conclusion, if you are working with autistic children and young people, it is likely that you are working with individuals that will, at points, be using autistic masking. By understanding autism and autistic masking, you can better respond to their needs and potentially remove some of the reasons that may lead to them masking in the first place.
Further Resources:

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Autism is a lifelong neurological difference, which means that autistic individuals interact and experience the world in a different way to non-autistic people. The concept of neurodiversity teaches us that there is natural diversity in the way the human brain works.

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The strategy of masking shows how clever young minds are at finding ways of coping. This is whether they know they are doing it or not. Yet masking is exhausting.

You do not have to have a special educational need or disability to mask. Masking can be used as a way to cope by everyone in some areas of their lives.

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The strategy of masking shows how clever young minds are at finding ways of coping. This is whether they know they are doing it or not. Yet masking is exhausting. You do not have to have a special educational need or disability to mask.

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Masking autism can cause a person to lose their sense of self and cause a lot of distress. Find out how to unmask in this guide.

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Dr Hannah Belcher is a lecturer, researcher, speaker and author. Here Hannah discusses masking in autistic people, based on research and her own personal experience.
To 'mask' or to 'camouflage' means to hide or disguise parts of oneself in order to better fit in with those around you. It is an unconscious strategy all humans develop whilst growing up in order to connect with those around us.

However, for us autistic folk the strategy is often much more ingrained and harmful to our wellbeing and health. Because our social norms are different to others around us, we often experience greater pressure to hide our true selves and to fit into that non-autistic culture. More often than not, we have to spend our entire lives hiding our traits and trying to fit in, even though the odds of appearing 'non-autistic' are against us.

Masking may involve suppressing certain behaviours we find soothing but that others think are 'weird', such as stimming or intense interests. It can also mean mimicking the behaviour of those around us, such as copying non-verbal behaviours, and developing complex social scripts to get by in social situations. With this comes a great need to be like others, and to avoid the prejudice and judgement that comes with being 'different'.

Over time we may become more aware of our own masking, but it often begins as an unconscious response to social trauma before we even grasp our differences. I was 23 when I received my autism diagnosis, and it was only through learning more about masking that I realised how my diagnosis had been hidden for so long. It wasn't that my autistic traits weren't there, they'd just been in disguise for so long.

The strategy of masking shows just how clever and resourceful our young minds are at finding ways of coping. At some points in our lives, like during job interviews, it may have even be useful.

Effects of masking

However, just because a coping strategy was once useful, it doesn't mean it always will be. Studies are now beginning to find how detrimental to our mental health masking can be (Bradley et al., 2021; Hull et al., 2019). Autistic people who mask more show more signs of anxiety and depression, and the strategy may even been linked to an increase in suicidal behaviours (Cassidy et al. 2018).

There are several reasons why this could be. Firstly, masking uses up vital resources that we can't use in other areas of our lives. To put it simply, it is exhausting. I still find myself regularly battling autistic 'burnt out' and periods of mental health crisis from the strain of trying to adapt myself to live in a world that just isn't adjusted for my way of thinking.

Also, it stops us developing our true identities. The pressure to fit in means we rarely have time or energy to do the things we want to do, or to behave like our true selves. In my late 20s I realised how little I knew about myself. As I went into a deeper and deeper mental health crisis I came to the realisation that I had no idea who I was, or even what I liked. Everything I knew was in some way connected to how I thought I should be.

Ironically, a study I recently conducted with colleagues found that masking didn't change the judgements that non-autistic peers made towards autistic people's social behaviours. Even when an autistic person is masking, non-autistic people will still rate them more harshly than non-autistic peers if they don't know they are autistic. This unconscious bias is evident throughout society for anyone deemed to behave or think atypically by neurotypical standards.

Awareness and understanding

The best solution to reducing the need for autistic people to mask is to spread awareness to non-autistic people of different neurodiverse behaviours and thinking patterns. When non-autistic people know someone is autistic, they seem to judge them less harshly. However, this strategy is not an easy one and will take years of effort before it is fully ingrained in our society.

Our only other option for the time being is to focus on protecting ourselves and improving our own mental health and wellbeing. This doesn't mean stopping masking altogether, it just means becoming more aware of how we use the strategy to cope, and what effect it has on us.

Self-awareness is the first key, from that follows self-compassion and kindness to rid ourselves of all the stigma we have internalised. The worse we feel about ourselves the more we mask, and the more we mask the worse we feel. By learning how to change the negative thoughts and feelings we have of ourselves from masking, we may even find the need to mask less.

I have been embarking on this journey for over a decade and it has involved plenty of ups and downs. In my book, 'Taking off the Mask', I have described some of the techniques I have found useful. I also included the lived experience of other autistic people to create a collection of resources that help improve the mental health and wellbeing of those who mask.

For example, the method I found most useful was recording in my journal those situations in which I masked, and how that made me feel. I then set about doing some behavioural experiments where I would consciously unmask myself in safe environments, and record whether my worst fears were met and how it made me feel. More often than not my worst fears of being judged or embarrassing myself were not met. Autistic people may find it helpful to speak to a therapist or professional for support if thinking about using these types of behavioural experiments.

Further information
Belcher, H (2022) Taking off the mask. Practical exercises to help understand and minimise the effects of autistic camouflaging. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

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Dr Hannah Belcher discusses masking, based on personal experience and research

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Masking when you’re autistic | Autism Space | Leicestershire Partnership NHS Trust

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Due to this, autistic people can feel on high alert – anxious and keen to avoid further micro-traumas. Many autistic individuals (even young children) can be aware that others sometimes judge people negatively, for any behaviours that are not the norm. What is Masking? Masking is where autistic people try to hide their differences, suppressing […]

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