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When Simon is trying to help Michael overcome his fear of heights for his exam, I understand Michael's fear. I have a fear of heights and I understand the feeling on not being able to move while your mind is racing at 1,000 miles per hour.

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When Horst calls out Fritz for not burning his books and starts questioning him, I can feel the adrenaline running through my body, just like him. The astronomical fear was something I could feel and made me resonate with that adrenaline feeling some of the characters feel.

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Based on the information so far in the book, I believe Michael is going to be drafted into the Nazi Army since he gets to graduate Hitler Youth early and the Nazis are losing soldiers. I also believe he will do most of his investigations with Fritz because he also seems to be a spy. Their main objective is to gather info, so I feel like the most reasonable approach on the author's part is to have them get into the Nazis army to collect information for the Allies.

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Minutes: 30
Pages: 35
How I felt: It was a bit hard to focus, probably because it's Friday.
Did I meet my goal: No

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"He's always been afraid of his fear, but she was right-fear in the face of something truly terrifying, something you couldn't possibly hope to defeat, that wasn't a weakness. It was natural. Logical even," (p. 250). Hideki reflects on the past of his ancestor, Shigetomo, and acknowledged that fear isn't something to look down on. If anything, fear makes him stronger.

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"Maybe he needed to fight to save Okinawa too. The thought of fighting made Hideki remember all of the awful things he'd seen each side do to each other. The awful things both sides had done to Okinawans in the name of war," (p. 229). "They became monsters because they were afraid," (p. 240). Hideki understands both sides and how this war started. If they attack, then they are the enemy.

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"Hideki curled himself tight around the grenade instead, hoping to shield the nurse from the blast if it went off," (p. 196). "Go ahead and shoot," Hideki told him. "But just know that if you miss, or the bullet goes through me, you'll hit the bomb behind me and you'll be dead too. We all will be," (p. 213). These are 2 more examples of Hideki's newfound bravery and willingness to risk himself for others. His only mission now is to help others, just like Ray tried to do before he was killed.

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STARTED - 12/9/2021

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Micheal has to hide his true intentions for being a Nazi, which means that acting is certainly a skill to have. I love acting and I connect with the idea of absolutely despising certain parts, but having to play along for the show. The show can't stop, but in Michael's case, stopping the show could mean his death.

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(Already finished the book but I still want to do this prompt. Plus, I am not that far along in my new book). Grenade by Alan Gratz is an awesome book. 4/5 stars in my opinion. I feel a great sense of connection to Hideki and the addition of Ray's perspective in the beginning is actually really smart. I think it's only shortcoming is the action. For being a war book, I wish there was more action, or at least more depiction of the action. Some scenes are also hard to follow along, but I don't feel as disconnected from the book during those scenes as I did while reading a story like Torn. Overall, a really solid book in my opinion.

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Minutes: 20
Pages: 21
How I felt: Started a new book and I'm really drawn into it right now! Read a bit slower, but it helped my rereading habit.
Did I meet my goal: Yes

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"One grenade is for the American monsters coming to kill your family," (p. 9). Hideki was taught not to trust anybody, especially the Americans. He was told to fear them and to kill them, that's what was put into his mind. At the time, Hideki didn't understand that the Americans were just like him, and the only time he realized this was when Hideki accidentally killed an American Marine named Ray.

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"First the food in Rei's (Ray's) pack hadn't been poisoned, and now the American monsters were treating his wounds. He'd seen them be monsters, but he'd seen them be kind, too," (p. 172). When Hideki was injured and brought to the American camp, he was scared. When he found out the Americans were treating his injuries, he began to trust them. Hideki didn't trust Americans at all due to the war and being taught that they were the enemy, but now he was beginning to realize that they were just like him. He saw that he should judge people by himself and not taking others word for it.

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When Hideki sees Yoshio by that refugee camp acting all nice to him, I can't believe Hideki went with him. Yoshio is a boy who bullied Hideki for years, and I can't relate to forgiving him so easily. True, second chances are great, but I don't see why Hideki forgave him so easily. With this, I'll try to be more loose when possibly faced with someone like Yoshio.

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In the scene where Hideki is hanging up photos of dead soldiers and their loved ones that he collected, he tells Kimiko that he is honoring their lives lost because they were just like him. I relate to this, as although I don't keep photos of people I don't know, I do keep photos of those I knew who passed away. To me, I like honoring their life because deep down inside, I know they were just like me.

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There are a few small conflicts within the story, but the main one is Hideki trying to survive being in the war zone while trying to figure out how he should use his grenades. The conflict majorly affects Hideki's character and it makes him develop greatly. For example, Hideki starts to see that some of the Americans are just like him and doesn't see them as a threat, unlike how he saw them in the beginning of the story. The conflict also affects the plot of the story, as Ray died as a result of Hideki using a grenade due to the war.

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Minutes: 20
Pages: 26
How I felt reading: I powered my way through the end of my book, reread a few times, though.
Did I meet my goal: No

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When Hideki was injured and brought to an American camp, he was horrified until they treated him with kindness. They gave him stitches, water, and medicine. All this time, he thought the Americans were complete monsters, and he came around to realizing that some were just trying to help. This helps break views of stereotypes and reminded me of such despite the fact that I've never been in such a situation like Hideki.

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"I have a grenade!" Hideki cried. "Let us go, or I'll blow us all up," (p. 161). "He couldn't believe what he was doing. But what other choice did he have?" (p. 162). This was Hideki's first great act of courage since Ray's death. I feel as if old Hideki would sink away from the situation and accept his fate, but he took the chance to save himself and the other refugees at the camp. Since his idea worked, it definitely gave him confidence for his future plans.

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During this scene, Masako was having trouble leaving the base to escape the bomb out of fear and anxiety. Hideki was trying to calm her down and encourage her to escape. I don't think I could do that with my life on the line, if anything I'd try to force her through to make sure the other children with us would get saved. I admire Hideki's kind attitude and I understand why he was trying to calm Masako, but I definitely would not have the patience for that.

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When Hideki was standing up to that Japanese soldier who was threatening the refugees, I can relate to that feeling of fear and adrenaline, but knowing what I was doing was right. Standing up to someone is hard, and I could resonate with Hideki's feelings during that matter.

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I may be a bit biased, but the author does a wonderful job at creating the war atmosphere in this story. Gratz also uses suspense to add intensity to the story and makes sure past events affect the character. There is good word choice and the dialogue helps portray feelings between character, but there isn't much since Hideki is on his own half the time. To counter this, Ray was often shown using dialogue with his crew before he was killed. There isn't much foreshadowing, but the flashbacks certainly do make the reader feel for both Ray and Hideki.

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"The American soldier was dead. Hideki's quaking legs gave way, and he plopped back down into the mud. He had killed a man. He had killed a man," (p. 142).
Hideki accidentally killing Ray is a big turning point for him as a character. He feels intense remorse and is having trouble processing this scene. He just took his bag and ran. Ray's death seems to have an impact on Hideki's character, as not long after, he saves a group of refugees that was at risk of dying due to an angry Japanese soldier.

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Minutes: 35
Pages: 30
How I felt: I reread less than before so pretty proud of that. Otherwise, I was pretty drawn into the book, especially because I was making note of possible annotation scenes.
Did I meet my goal: Yes

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"What's the matter, Hideki? Chicken?" (p. 18). "Hideki thinks we're going to lose!" Yoshio announced, and all the other boys laughed. "No," Hideki protested, his face hot," (p. 18-19). "Kimiko stepped between them. "You don't understand," she told the soldier. "Hideki's a scaredy-cat. Three hundred and fifty years ago, one of our ancestors died like a coward, and now every third generation the oldest boy is born afraid. This time around it's Hideki," (p. 33).
Hideki was definitely very closed off when the war started, certainly didn't help that his classmates often bullied him for being shy and the smallest boy in their class. He had low confidence and just overall struggled with the idea of the war and being away from his family.

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When Ray's fellow marines started casually talking about if he'll survive or not since this is his first time actively fighting, I couldn't even imagine that feeling. I'd never even had anyone talk about me with me right next to them. My heart would just sink, and getting on the field after that would be hard for me knowing that some who think I would die right then and there. With this insight, I now understand more about Ray's feelings.

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An interesting topic present in Grenade is the topic of Japanese and Okinawan culture. Despite the book being about a war, Japanese and Okinawan culture is present and adds to the story when mentioned. I learned lots of vocabulary, such as "Yokai," "Yuta," and "Hajichi" as well as how the dead are honored in that region. I am still wondering a bit more about family tombs and how they were after the war. Were they just simply abandoned? Did they relocate their loved ones bodies? With this culture present, it allows me to understand the characters of the story better. I feel like I can connect with them easier and it makes the story more impactful.

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Hideki has a great relationship with his sister, Kimiko, and promised his dying father that he would reunite with her. I relate to having a close bond with my siblings. Since my older brother plans on moving out soon, I want to reunite with him sometime in the future after he leaves.

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Minutes: 40
Pages: 49
How I felt reading: A bit unfocused, but I have had an on-off headache so I think I did good all things considered.
Did I meet my goal: No

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Hideki is always conflicted on how he is supposed to kill anyone with his grenades. I relate to this because I understand Hideki. If I was given 2 grenades and told to kill as many people as I can with one, then use the other to kill myself, I would be conflicted too, no matter if it was for my country or myself.

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Hideki is immediately shown trying to prove himself to everyone around him, which I can relate to. I try to prove myself a lot if something is against me, so I understand Hideki's determination to disprove his family and companions ideas of him.

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I think the theme of Grenade by Alan Gratz is to overcome the odds against you and the ideas of others against you. I believe this because Hideki's family and companions seem to discredit Hideki for things such as bravery due to his Mabui and family past. So far, he seems to be trying to prove himself worthy in their eyes by using his grenades for the war. He is very determined to do this, as there is lots of emphasis on his 2 grenades so far.

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Minutes: 30
Pages: 43
How I felt reading today; Reread things a bit more yesterday, but definitely better than a few days ago. However, I want to reread slightly less
Did I meet my goal: No

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Minutes: 30
Pages: 37
How I felt reading today: I reread a lot less and I felt pretty good
Did I meet my goal: Yes

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Minutes: 30
Pages: 41
How I felt reading today: Had to reread a lot again, so I slowed down near the end of the time and it worked better.
Did I meet my goal: No (Changing up the ways I mark my goals for confusion)

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"Maybe the sky didn't look the day she fell down," (PDF. P, 11)

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"Maybe the sky didn't look the day she fell down," (PDF. P, 11)

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The figurative language used is personification because it gives living qualities to a non-living thing. This is effective because it adds to Esperanza's feelings about her Aunt Lupe falling ill. Showing Esperanza's feelings like this adds to her character and assists the development of the story. Overall, it also adds some intriguing writing to the story.

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"The mother's feet, plump and polite," (PDF, P. 1, HOMS)

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"The mother's feet, plump and polite," (PDF, P. 1, HOMS)

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The figurative language used is personification because it gives living qualities to a non-living thing. This is effective because it helps create a visual for the reader. It is included in the story as a way to make the writing more intriguing and to, once again, help create a visual in the reader's head.

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"Everything is waiting to explode like Christmas," (HOMS, P. 73)

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"Everything is waiting to explode like Christmas," (HOMS, P. 73)

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Denotation: A holiday.
Connotation: Festive, happy, merry, bright
Using this connotation shows the happiness and joy Esperanza believes is going to explode. It conveys the message of merry energy and a good feeling waiting to explode. It adds the idea of surprise to the story, among other concepts.

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Denotation: A key organ to a body.
Connotation: Loving, kind, comfortable
Using a word with such positive connotation really adds to the message in this vignette which is: your home is always in your heart. It shows what the witch was trying to convey to Esperanza in a way that makes the story heart-touching. It works well with the figurative language in the story, as well.

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Esperanza is very jealous of kids who get different opportunities than her, which is something that I can relate to. I wish I could have the same chances as others, but that isn't realistic. It's more prominent in Esperanza's case since she faces more prejudice.

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Explain what Esperanza means based on the following section: “Not this way, every evening talking to the trees, learning out my window, imagining what I can’t see” (p. 73).  

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Explain what Esperanza means based on the following section: “Not this way, every evening talking to the trees, learning out my window, imagining what I can’t see” (p. 73).  

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I think Esperanza means that there is too much focus on the "pointless" things in life. Esperanza shows that she is imagining things that aren't realistic, so she should put focus on things that she can have an impact on.

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Based on the following section, compare Lois and Esperanza: “She’s got big girl hands, and her bones are long like ladies’ bones, and she wears makeup too. But she doesn’t know how to tie her shoes. I do” (p. 73). 

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Based on the following section, compare Lois and Esperanza: “She’s got big girl hands, and her bones are long like ladies’ bones, and she wears makeup too. But she doesn’t know how to tie her shoes. I do” (p. 73). 

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Lois is much more grown up than Esperanza in this vignette. Lois is described as an adult, especially with the body description, but she isn't very smart. However, Esperanza is definitely younger than Lois and doesn't care much about her appearance. Esperanza has also showed her knowledge, so I can infer that she is smarter than Lois.

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When Esperanza asks about a house, the witch lady says, “Ah, yes, a home in the heart. I see a home in the heart” (p. 64). Explain what you believe this means. 

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When Esperanza asks about a house, the witch lady says, “Ah, yes, a home in the heart. I see a home in the heart” (p. 64). Explain what you believe this means. 

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I believe this means that Esperanza's dream home is in her heart as opposed to Esperanza's dream of a nicer house. So she shouldn't spend so much time focusing on something like that when she has the perfect home in her heart.

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The witch lady sees jealousy and sorrow in Esperanza’s cards. Why do you think these showed up for Esperanza fortune? 

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The witch lady sees jealousy and sorrow in Esperanza’s cards. Why do you think these showed up for Esperanza fortune? 

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I think jealously and sorrow showed up in Esperanza's card because Esperanza has shown jealousy a lot, like when she talks about the kids who get to eat in the canteen. Sorrow showed up because of the passing of her Aunt Lupe and her sorrow for her father.

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Once again something I might not have to say, but still. The inspiration for this dream is to experience high school and try to enjoy myself while I'm there and branch out. To achieve this, I will try to branch out to different areas, meet new people, and make sure I don't push myself over the edge. Obviously, I will continue to make sure I have good grades, too.

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A very typical dream, but something I have locked eyes on. The inspiration for this dream is my want to push myself academically and get accepted into a good college. To achieve this, I will make sure I understand material, study before quizzes, tests, and exams, and try my best.

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Another dream of mine is to become a recording artist. Many singers I enjoyed when I was younger inspired this dream as well as my love for singing and expressing myself through songs. To accomplish this dream, I will continue to pursue musical activities and put myself out there.

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A big dream of mine is to travel to Maryland because I have multiple friends who grew up there, so it would be nice to go down that memory lane with them. My friends inspired this dream because I am closer to them than anyone and I want them to show me places they've been. To accomplish this dream, I will set aside money when I get a job to save for the trip.

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STARTED-11/15/2021 FINISHED-12/8/2021

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"There are a million zillion kinds," (PDF. P 4)

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"There are a million zillion kinds," (PDF. P 4)

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The figurative language used is a hyperbole because Nenny is exaggerating the kinds of snow there is. This is effective because it's a good example of how nobody exactly knows how many kinds of snow there are, since it depends. It also shows that Nenny doesn't know all the kinds either. This is included because it shows Nenny's personality a bit and how many kinds of snow she believes there is.

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"...sky can keep you safe when you are sad," (PDF. P 3)

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"...sky can keep you safe when you are sad," (PDF. P 3)

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The figurative language used is personification because it gives living qualities to the sky, which is non-living. This figurative language is effective because it allows the reader to understand how Esperanza feels about the sky. It adds to the story to show Esperanza's feelings and it is included because it shows how comfortable Esperanza feels with the sky and how she feels untouchable with it.

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"...upside down from the knees and almost break like fancy museum vases you can't replace," (HOMS, PDF. P 1)

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"...upside down from the knees and almost break like fancy museum vases you can't replace," (HOMS, PDF. P 1)

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The figurative language used is simile because it compares the children getting injured to breaking a museum vase that you cannot replace. This is effective because it makes the sentence more interesting and adds to the understanding of the children in the story. It was included to show the reader how the children were to understand Rosa Vargas.

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In this scene, Esperanza is discussing the major discrimination against her and her family based on their skin color, and how they have to base their routine around people to avoid this. I can't relate much to getting discrimination based on my skin, since it's something I have never personally experienced.

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“Uh-oh, Nenny. Better get the broom. Too much trash in our yard today,” (HOMS, P. 37)

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“Uh-oh, Nenny. Better get the broom. Too much trash in our yard today,” (HOMS, P. 37)

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Denotation: Discarded matter.
Connotation: Disgusting, ugly, useless matter
Using a word with a disgusting, useless connotation makes the mood quite negative. The author used this to show what Esperanza thought of who was in their yard. This added a lot in the story, as this was now what Esperanza thought of their yard with Lucy and Rachel in it. It really shows what Esperanza thought of the sisters at this point in the story.

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Describe the characteristics of each character (Lucy/Rachel, Esperanza, and Nenny) based on this chapter. Have they changed since we first met them? Use evidence  

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Describe the characteristics of each character (Lucy/Rachel, Esperanza, and Nenny) based on this chapter. Have they changed since we first met them? Use evidence  

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Lucy and Rachel seemed sweet at first, but as soon as they started getting sassy with Esperanza, that's when it all went downhill. In the text it says "Not you. Your mama, that's who," which obviously triggered Esperanza since she is so close to her mother. They definitely changed here, especially with their newfound rude attitudes. Nenny seems to be getting along with Esperanza here, and Esperanza is acting nicer to her. In the beginning, they act friendly to each other and have no issues with being with each other. Esperanza does seem ruder here, though. In the text, it says "Uh-oh, Nenny. Better get the broom. Too much trash in our yard today." However, I understand she was probably trying to defend herself. Reasoning with them could have been a better approach. Nenny seems to be very innocent, and Esperanza starts calm but gets more defensive. Nenny seems to be nicer and more independent now, while Esperanza seems to nicer to Nenny and more defensive compared to other chapters.

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Is the name ­calling serious, meant to hurt each other's feelings, or is it just joking? Explain your opinion and use evidence. 

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Is the name ­calling serious, meant to hurt each other's feelings, or is it just joking? Explain your opinion and use evidence. 

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I believe the name calling started out as a joke, but escalated with joke after joke. In the text, it says "Whose fat face?...Esperanza's fat face, that's who. Looks like Esperanza's ugly face when she comes to school in the morning." I feel like Lucy and Rachel took the joking a bit too far, as they seemed nice beforehand. Jokes are fine, but when they start attacking someone's appearance, then they aren't funny anymore. Esperanza also didn't seem to take this as a joke, as shown when she fired back with "Who you calling ugly, ugly?" Plus, this is just the energy I pick up from this exchange, you know? Therefore, I believe this started out as a joke, but the girls had different ideas of jokes.

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Esperanza mentions her growing friendship with Rachel and Lucy, and it really reminds me of when I finally found the people I "clicked" with. Like Esperanza, I was new to an area and wasn't fond of the people around me. Eventually, I found my place.

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"...you notice a pair of gold glasses floating in the dark," (HOMS, P. 1 PDF)

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"...you notice a pair of gold glasses floating in the dark," (HOMS, P. 1 PDF)

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The figurative language used is personification because it gives a living quality to a non-living thing. This is effective because it shows how dark the store usually is, kind of shedding light (no pun intended) on how sad the store seems. It was included for the same reason and helps the reader picture a quiet man in a pitch black store that you may not have noticed.

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"...all lopsided and jutting like crooked teeth," (HOMS, P. 3 PDF)

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"...all lopsided and jutting like crooked teeth," (HOMS, P. 3 PDF)

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This figurative language is simile because 2 things are being compared using the word "like." This is effective because it helps me picture what Meme's roof looked like. It was included for the same reason of helping us picture Meme's roof, and it helps the reader understand where Meme lives.

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"...which makes the bike all wobbly as if the wheels are spaghetti," (HOMS, P. 4 PDF)

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"...which makes the bike all wobbly as if the wheels are spaghetti," (HOMS, P. 4 PDF)

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This figurative language is a simile because 2 things are being compared using the word "as." This is effective because it really helps show me how wobbly the bike actually was with the 3 girls on it. This was included to make the writing more vivid and to show us the playful antics they got into like the antics we all get into.

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"They are wearing shiny Sunday shoes without socks, " (HOMS, P. 15)

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"They are wearing shiny Sunday shoes without socks, " (HOMS, P. 15)

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Denotation: A day of a week.
Connotation: Fancy, Nice, Sophisticated
Using a word with a sophisticated connotation makes the  mood very fancy and positive. The author used this word to show how nice the shoes were and how some might see it as a shame to wear something so nice out to play. This added to the story that Lucy and Rachel's family may not be that well off, so they might only have Sunday shoes. We also learn that they aren't wearing socks, which might mean they don't have the money for socks.

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"Their clothes are crooked and old," (HOMS, P. 14)

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"Their clothes are crooked and old," (HOMS, P. 14)

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Denotation: Bent or twisted out of shape or out of place.
Connotation: Weird, Wrong, Wacky, Strange
Using a word with a negative connotation to it paints a negative mood surrounding what this word is describing. The author used this word to really show how strangely Cathy thought of the other girls, and to emphasize how high and mighty Cathy thinks she is. We learn that Lucy and Rachel may not be from a very well off family based on Cathy's description, which adds to Cathy's attitude and our background knowledge about Lucy and Rachel.

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“As if the syllables were made out of tin and hurt the roof of your mouth,” (HOMS, P. 11)

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“As if the syllables were made out of tin and hurt the roof of your mouth,” (HOMS, P. 11)

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Denotation: A silvery-white metal

Connotation: Hard, hurtful, harsh

This phrase shows that Esperanza believes her name is undesirable and strange, adding a negative mood and sad feeling to the story. I think the author added this to the story because it shows how much Esperanza dislikes her name, which adds to her character. With this phrase, the reader can really understand how much Esperanza dislikes her name. Plus, people might mispronounce it, making her uncomfortable.

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“As if she were a fancy chandelier,” (HOMS, P. 11) 

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“As if she were a fancy chandelier,” (HOMS, P. 11) 

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Denotation: A decorative hanging light with branches for several light bulbs or candles.

Connotation: Valuable, elegant, delicate, expensive, desirable

Using the word chandelier adds a positive and sophisticated mood to this section of the story.  The author used the phrase fancy chandelier so we can learn how Esperanza's great-grandfather views her great-grandmother. We learn that he loved her and really wanted to marry her. He values her and sees her as a delicate, elegant, desirable woman. The message would have been significantly different if the author said, “As if she were a sack of potatoes.”

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FORMAT - "Sentence from the story" (HOMS, p. #)

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FORMAT - "Sentence from the story" (HOMS, p. #)

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What type of figurative language is the author using? Explain how you know this.

Why is it effective? Why did the author include this piece of figurative language? What does it help you picture or understand?

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FORMAT - "Sentence from the story," (HOMS, p. #)

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FORMAT - "Sentence from the story," (HOMS, p. #)

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Denotation:
Connotation:
What mood or feeling is shown in this phrase? Why did the author use this word or phrase? What do we learn?

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Minutes: 20
Pages: 29
How I felt reading today: Since I haven't read in a bit, I had to reread some parts of the book, but otherwise my book was pretty engaging.
Did I meet my goal: No (2/3)

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Esperanza explains how in her culture, boys and girls live in "separate universes." I can't really relate to this, because many of my friends growing up were boys, and we weren't isolated from each other because of our cultures.

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In this scene, Esperanza explains how everyone in her family has different hair. I kind of relate to this, since I'm the only one in my family with an unnatural hair color due to hair dye. Thing about Esperanza's situation is that it's a family thing whereas mine is just because I like expressing myself through hair colors.

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Esperanza often complains about her siblings, but not for regular things. She literally called her sister ugly, which is a little far. My siblings are annoying, but I would rather dislike them for something they can change rather than something that is hard to change, like your appearance.

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In this scene, Esperanza discusses how she dislikes her name and how she inherited it. At one point, I disliked my name because it was more commonly used for guys at the time. I inherited my name as well (don't exactly remember from who?) so I relate to inheriting my name.

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The House On Mango Street By Sandra Cisneros

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The House On Mango Street By Sandra Cisneros

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STARTED - 10/15/2021 FNISHED - 11/10/2021

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STARTED - 10/13/2021 FINISHED- 11/8/2021

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When it comes to overall expeditions from the group, Ellie seems very disconnected from the group. She makes it seem like they're on their own investigations. Take the trip to Husna's bombed village for example. The gang is seemingly planning what actions they should take and helping set up camp, while Ellie's mind is seemingly just wondering about. It's not because she's a medic either, because Heidi, a fellow medic, was planning as well. This makes the expedition seem less important than it really is, despite Ellie being Husna's main caretaker. I would consider this part of the story to be pretty important to the plot as well, as we learn a bit more about Husna, and the other characters relationships to each other Pg. 176 "...and watch Heidi and Gizmo helping Hammad pitch a tent..." "Pg. 177 "I shrug and turn to see Jackson watching me as he directs his SEALs to set up defensive positions." "Beneath one of the Hummers a lone rust-brown sparrow plays in a pool of moonlight, flicking dirt onto its back in a feathery blur. It's cute. Reminds me of home."

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In this scene, Yugi accidentally steps on an IED and tries to prevent it from exploding. He is terrified that if it blows up, the team will blame him. I relate to Yugi in this scene, as he is scared that something that isn't really his fault will cause all the blame to be put on him. I'm an overthinker, so I kind of understood him during this scene.

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A topic that is majorly prevalent in this book is the war zone. I haven't read many books where the main character(s) were actually in the war zone, so it was interesting twist. More relating to the book, I learned about how people are affected, like Husna. His village was destroyed, but the military doesn't seem to care much about rebuilding or rehousing the children there. I am wondering how it affected the adults a lot, but it seems none survived the bombing. This topic is a big focus in the story, and impacts the story and characters a lot. Hammad feels heartbroken about people from his own country being hurt, Heidi wants to find out why exactly the bombing happened, and Ellie wants to help Husna and make sure he is safe and comes to terms with those who has passed.

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The narrator of the book is Ellie, who is also the main character. Ellie is kind, but very judgmental at the same time. She also doesn't seem to like things unless they benefit her. She gives out the idea of the tale, but I really feel like she twists details. Because of this, I really don't connect with Ellie. On the outside, it may seem like there are more window scenes than mirrors, but I find that false. I try to look at scenes in a different and more innocent way compared to the war topic of the book. Because of this, I am able to see mirrors in scene I wouldn't be able to relate to otherwise.

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Minutes: 35
Pages: 45
How I felt: I finished the book and only reread things a few times! Kind of disappointed about the ending though
Did I meet my goal: No (2/3)

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Throughout the story, The Young Martyrs are very against the military because of what happened to their villages. Specifically, in one scene, a member is trying to shoot an IED which Yugi accidentally stepped on and was trying to keep it from exploding. Ellie noted that the Young Martyrs were "homicidal" and that they needed to be stopped before anyone was injured. This is another case of Ellie's quick judgement. Even when she first met Husna's she refused to treat him like what he was; a child. The Young Martyrs were a group of orphaned children in the story, of course they're not going to know most of the rights and wrongs, especially in a country like Afghanistan.  Pg. 90 "We kill all murderers," he says. "Will fight until Earth is rid from you." What is that, some kind of motto? " Pg. 37 "The sniper- he was just a kid..."

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In this scene, Ben gives Husna a bag of M&M's while on their commute to Husna's old village . I have no idea why, but I have an undying love for this scene. I think it's really cute that Ben cares for Husna, who was trying to kill him like a week ago. I see myself in this scene, as I have a little brother who I take care of a lot. I give up stuff for him, and that's exactly what Ben's doing in this scene, which is giving up a treat for Husna.

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In this scene, Ellie was transported to a hospital overseas for her injuries, meaning she was taken away from Ben. She was really upset to leave him, as they could never see each other. I am not accustomed to the idea of being taken away from someone I love, so I really can't sympathize with Ellie or Ben in this scene.

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The main conflict includes Ellie trying to find that mysterious girl she saw on one of her first days on duty. What she finds out makes her question a lot, including her feelings for for Ben, an American lieutenant. She wants to find that girl and be with Ben. There are multiple conflicts throughout the book, like the bombing that killed Yugi, the bullet that killed Heidi, and Husna trying to find who bombed and killed a majority of those in his village. These conflicts affect most or all characters for the most part. The mysterious girl becomes a big objective after Ellie found her, but Ellie and Ben's relationship really only affects them, and it's apparently a big thing in the plot despite not being the main focus. The bombing that killed Yugi affected everyone, like Carlos and Hammad who were injured and Heidi who tried to save Yugi from death. Heidi's didn't seemingly affect a lot of people, but Ellie did feel very guilty for her death. Heidi's death hardly affected anything in the book for that matter. Husna ties into the main conflict of finding that mysterious girl, as he believes he knows her from his village. Husna being a big part of the story definitely has impact on the other characters as they spend a lot of time trying to help Husna.

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Minutes: 28
Pages: 26
How I felt: I felt good. I tried reading slowly to stop me from rereading and I hardly did it!
Did I meet my goal: No (1/3)

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Yugi doesn't survive long in the book, but he is a good case of Ellie making the characters very one-dimensional. He only gets some redemption during his death, which is very similar to Heidi. In the beginning, he just seemed like a typical funny guy, teasing Ellie with Chip and Gizmo during their morning role call and breaks. She treats him as this teaser, pervert type character up until his death. He died trying to save everyone, and Ellie didn't acknowledge his other achievements until his death. Only until his death did I actually kind of like his character, which sucked. Pg. 126 "...I see Heidi getting to her feet and staggering through a cloud of dust to a body lying in a pool of blood. It is Yugi. I want to scream. I want to swear at him for being so stupid and curse his sorry behind for wasting all my efforts at the IED. In the same instance I'm praying that he is alive." Pg. 7 "Yugi leans into me. "By the way," he whispers, "nice tattoo." "I can feel the color drain from my face. "You have binoculars?"

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This involves the death of Heidi, who is a character who I really liked in the story despite Ellie's slander of her. Heidi got hit with a bullet, which when right through her, which protected Ben from getting shot, as it got stuck on his bag. Heidi told Ellie to leave and help the others, which Ellie didn't do at first. I understand the message this scene was seemingly trying to convey. Ellie wanted to help someone, but she couldn't do much since Heidi was basically at death's door. I want to help people a lot, but most of the time, it's out of my control.

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I just mentioned this in my reading response, but I want to add it here too. With only Ellie's point of view, many of the characters feel very one-dimensional. With this one-dimensional feeling, I can't feel a major connection to the characters without a majorly tragic scene, such as Husna seeing his bombed village. I would like to connect to the characters much beforehand. With Ellie describing the characters with limited depth, I don't feel that connection. This makes the story kind of bland when dealing with characters outside of 2 big characters in the story, who are Ellie and Ben.
Pg. 90 "We kill all murderers," he says. "Will fight until Earth is rid from you." What is that, some kind of motto? " Pg. 217 "Everyone he loved is still dead." "...the desolate look on Husna's face."

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So far, I'd give Torn 3 stars out of 5. It's a good book, but I feel a bit of a disconnection from the characters. I understand the story is set in a war zone, but you can feel connected to a character in similar situations. Take Prisoner B-3087 by Alan Gratz, I felt a huge connection to a character in a war zone and it made me love that book the way I do now. I also wish there was more points of view. I highly dislike how Ellie bases everyone off her first impression of them and doesn't give them time to develop as characters. With more perspectives, it would just make the book so much more diverse and objective, which is an aspect I really like.

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Sometimes while reading and especially while reading out loud, I tend to reread things I already read. It's a weird habit I've been doing since I was young that I want to break. Since I've done it for years, it's going to be hard to break, but it's worth a try.

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Minutes: 27
Pages: 40
How I felt: This part of the book is definitely by favorite, so I felt very intrigued!
Did I meet my goal: Yes

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Minutes: 10
Pages: 11
How I felt: It was a short time, but I was able to focus the whole time.
Did I meet my goal: Almost!

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I predict that the crew will find out what happened to Bella Macallum, who according to Husna, is Farshad's mother from the west. It's their main objective while they're back in Husna old village, and Ellie is constantly thinking about Bella's past, which they learned through the higher ranks. Husna also often recalls her western technology which he had never seen before, such as the computer. Around the village, they find scraps of stuff that indicate the possible ownership of Bella at one point, such as a Honeywell gryo. Honeywell gryos are from Phoenix, Arizona, so it would have been very difficult to get to Afghanistan without certain ties. Bella has those ties, as her family is connected to the United States army. She could have been killed or kidnapped, which are both possibilities based on the deductions the crew has made. Therefore, I think the crew's investigation is going to be worth it in finding out what happened to Bella.

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While in Husna's village, Husna rediscovers the weapons that were used to destroy his village, which he had put away for safekeeping. Ellie says his face just completely changes when he realized that everyone he loved was dead. This is something I can hardly comprehend. I've never experienced anyone particularly close to me pass away. Coming to realization with such a topic sounds horrifying and traumatizing to say the least.

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I feel like Heidi's whole character is greatly altered in our eyes by Ellie. Ellie paints Heidi as this strict and sometimes rude type of character, while Heidi gets praised by many other characters in the story. Ellie is only 19, and Heidi is a senior medic, so I really feel like envious feelings are playing into Ellie's thoughts. Not to mention that, if anything, Heidi is shown doing what she should do as a corporal. She yells as Ellie to not leave her gun unarmed when helping another soldier, which I greatly understand. Thing is, Ellie acts like nothing bad can happen when there are literal people actively trying to kill or hurt them. She has a sort of victim mentality when it comes to Heidi trying to keep everyone safe and doing her job. Pg. 45 "Heidi can't contain herself any longer. "You put the whole team at risk with your heroics! You left your weapon by the side of the road for anyone to pick up!" "You should have all taken cover and requested support, Nielson." Pg. 34 "What exactly is her problem? That I tried to save Yugi's life?"
Pg. 245 "It's OK, I'm going to help you," I tell her, fighting back tears and pulling at my pack with my free hand, trying to find the hemorrhage gel. You're going to be just fine. Now lie still- don't move."

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While in Husna's village, I hardly understand what the real victim, Husna, is feeling. Ellie just describes it as sad and kind of moves on. Not many other feelings are given, making the scene feel more strict if that makes any sense. Without this input from other characters, Ellie is making this whole scene feel just about Bella, but there's really more. She wants to find out who destroyed Husna's home, degrading the feeling of sorrow I would like to be feeling. The 2 may be connected, but she is really sticking to the team. With input from characters like Hammad, Ben, and Husna, this scene would feel a lot more emotional and heart touching. I want to know their thoughts, not just Ellie's. Pg. 207 "His eyes wet with tears..." "Then he wipes his face and nose with his arm."

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With Husna crying over the sight of his bombed village, it's an overwhelming that I can't even express. I hate the idea of a place where I spent years of my life being destroyed with no explanation. Not to mention a good chunk of Husna friends are dead, or at least assumed to be dead. Considering Husna is so young as well, I don't even know how he is containing his emotions.

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rt6wvOQdmfd81noC8TPuR8hSIBs1boNb4aqU9qwbWIc/edit

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Minutes: 30
Pages: 45
How I felt: I felt less out of focus and understood what I was reading better.
Did I meet my goal: No

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Minutes: 20
Pages: 20
How I felt: I still looked up a few times, but I felt more focused and invested!

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As much as the circumstances may be different, I really do see myself in this scene. Ellie tells Husna that the crew will help him find out who killed his family and friends. Husna often talks about his family, so they're certainly quite important to him. It really reminds me of when people helped me achieve something that was super important to me.