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Webinar on WHO guideline for complementary feeding of infants and young children 6-23 months,

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Webinar on WHO guideline for complementary feeding of infants and young children 6-23 months,

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There’s a webinar for the new WHO guidelines:

https://www.who.int/news-room/events/detail/2023/12/06/default-calendar/webinar-who-guideline-for-complementary-feeding-of-infants-and-young-children-6-23-months?fbclid=IwAR2nBX4Rx7epEJBqu2lq3gCDmuR6IvMqnjTElWBvUpAKpra25VRALMMIGq4_aem_AfeqWQXkHwa0EVqMc3d9hk1ADF-zpLr_cUigcMqnZEjRzSIHk9lLdIZnw_7CeWzU4cs

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Animal milks

This paper outlines current dietary guidelines for milk consumption among young children in the UK, the contribution of animal milk to the dietary intakes of children aged 1-4 years, and revisits the recommendations on what types of animal milk children of different ages should drink and why, as well as how much.

Drinks marketed as growing-up and toddler milks

This paper focuses on infant milks labelled as stage 3 and stage 4 formulas, and marketed for use in the second and third year of life. It highlights the lack of compositional, marketing or labelling regulations for these unnecessary, ultra-processed drinks, and their high cost and high free sugar content.

Milk FAQs

Some common questions regarding milk and milk drinks for children aged 1-4.

Plant-based milk alternatives

This paper provides an overview of milk alternatives made from soya, oat, pea, hemp and different nuts. Information is provided on the nutritional composition of selected products compared to cows' milk, and on the potential health benefits and risks associated with their use for young children as alternatives to cows' milk.

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Milks marketed for children - First Steps Nutrition Trust

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This paper outlines current dietary guidelines for milk consumption among young children in the UK, the contribution of animal milk to the dietary intakes of children aged 1-4 years, and revisits the recommendations on what types of animal milk children of different ages should drink and why, as well as how much.

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by Stacey Zimmels

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When it comes to knowing how much to food to prepare for our weaning infants, or how much they 'should' be eating, many of us are lost. We scour the internet for guidance on portion sizes but can't find the information. This is because there are no agreed portion sizes for infants.

Why are there no portion sizes for infants?

Mostly, because all babies are different, and whilst all adults are different too, the difference when it comes to babies and weaning can often be very pronounced and dependent on a lot of factors. One baby could be eating large portions 2-3 times a day by the time they are 7 months and others may still be taking a few tastes once per day at the same age.

So what influences how much a weaning baby may eat?

1. State/mood: Y,our baby needs to be in an appropriate state to eat. This means not too tired and not too hungry or full especially in the early days/weeks.

2. Health: Babies, like adults won't eat well if they are feeling unwell, sick or in pain. Going off their food is often the first sign that they are coming down with something.

3. Skills: Eating is a skill which needs to be learned. Each baby will develop their eating and self-feeding skills at a different rate. A baby who doesn't yet have the skills for eating or self-feeding may not eat much. However the experience of tasting, the feeling of food on their hands and in their mouth and working out how to use their mouth muscles to learn to eat and swallow food is invaluable and an important first step to eating. This is also why milk remains very important during weaning.

4. Their size: Babies who are bigger need to eat more than a smaller infant.

5. How much milk they are drinking: some babies are milk monsters and are feeding frequently day and night as well as eating solids, others may only be taking milk during the day and may reduce their intake quickly in favour of solids. There is no right or wrong with this as long as your baby is making some small steps of progress towards learning to eat, but it may impact on how much they eat.

It can be really easy to compare your infant to a friends' baby in terms of how much they eat and how weaning is progressing for them. Try to remember all of the above, and also know that what you see one baby eat one day may not be indicative of what they eat all the time. Babies will be variable in terms of what they eat across a day, and from day to day.

How do you know how much food to offer?

You can learn your how much your baby wants to eat by watching their cues and following their lead. You may have heard about responsive feeding when it comes to infant feeding (breast or bottle), this extends to introducing solids too. It requires you to know that if you have a healthy infant, they will eat and drink what they need in a day in order to thrive and grow. Trust them to know when they want to eat and when they are done.

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Portion sizes for Weaning -Feed Eat Speak feeding blog

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W hat influences how much a weaning baby may eat? All babies are different, one baby could be eating large portions 2-3 times a day by the time they are 7 months and others may still be taking a few tastes once per day at the same age.

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Website with vegetarian recipes for babies and children

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Website with vegetarian recipes for babies and children

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Green Kitchen Stories - Healthy Vegetarian Family Recipes

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Healthy, easy and modern vegetarian recipes from our green kitchen. Easy family recipes, inspiring food photography, travel tips and cookbooks.

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Keep your little ones safe with the British Red Cross' Baby and Child First Aid app. Packed with useful videos, easy to follow advice and a test section - it's absolutely free and simple to download.

Also features a handy device enabling parents to record their child's medication needs. Get this essential app on your Android device now.

LEARN
Simple, easy-to-understand advice and frequently asked questions on 17 first aid scenarios. Videos, step-by-step instructions and animations make it fun and easy to pick up.

PREPARE
Get expert tips on how to prepare for some of the most common emergency situations, from accidents in the garden to a fire at home. Sections include a list of tips and handy checklist.

EMERGENCY
Act fast when things go wrong. This instantly accessible, step-by-step section gives you the key information to know what to do in emergency first aid situations.

TEST
Find out how much you've learned in our test section, which provides a useful opportunity to check that you've picked up all the necessary skills.

INFO
Find out more about the life-saving work of the British Red Cross - including volunteering opportunities, latest news and how to sign up for a first aid course.

Download this essential app today.

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Baby and Child First Aid - Apps on Google Play

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Keep your little ones safe with the British Red Cross' Baby and Child First Aid app. Packed with useful videos, easy to follow advice and a test section - it's absolutely free and simple to download. Also features a handy device enabling parents to record their child's medication needs.

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Baby and Child First Aid App for iPhones

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Baby and Child First Aid App for iPhones

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I was a British Red Cross volunteer for many years going and attending functions on duty also taking disadvantaged children on camp holidays.
First important rule never move the casualties .
Think first act second. You never know when the minute arises.
Go on learn now, that choking baby needs you.

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‎Keep your little ones safe with the British Red Cross' Baby and Child First Aid app. Packed with useful videos, easy to follow advice and a test section - it's absolutely free and simple to download. Also features a handy device enabling parents to record their child's medication needs.

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Parents are being urged to learn CPR for babies with the help of an online video .

One in four parents out of 2,000 who took part in a poll for St John Ambulance would know what to do if their baby was unconscious and not breathing, despite it being a parent's biggest fear.

The video, which features memorable nursery rhyme characters such as Humpty Dumpty and Jack and Jill, aims to give anyone who interacts with babies and toddlers the skills to save a life should the unthinkable happen.

It includes a catchy rhyme: "Puff, puff and 30 more pumps... repeat this until the ambulance comes."
Steps for baby CPR:

Call 999 for help (Do one minute of CPR before calling for help if alone).

Cover the baby's nose and mouth and give five puffs of breath, each lasting roughly one second.

Using two fingers in the centre of its chest, give 30 pumps at a rate of 100 to 120 per minute.

Repeat the sequence with two puffs and 30 pumps until help arrives.

The campaign, called Nursery Rhymes Inc, follows on from last year's The Chokeables , which taught parents how to help a choking baby.

That campaign is credited with saving the lives of 46 children.

Sue Killen, chief executive of St John Ambulance, said:

We know that a major barrier to parents learning is that baby CPR frightens them, so we've removed the fear factor and made it reassuring and as easy as possible to learn.

Sue Killen, St John Ambulance.

You can watch the full video below Visit the St John Ambulance website for for more first aid advice and information on baby first aid training courses.

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How to perform baby CPR video launched | ITV News

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Parents are being urged to learn CPR for babies with the help of an online video . One in four parents out of 2,000 who took part in a poll for St John Ambulance would know what to do if their baby was unconscious and not breathing, despite it being a parent's biggest fear.

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The Chokeables: How to save a choking baby - St John Ambulance

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Children, particularly those aged from 1 to 5, often put objects in their mouth. This is a normal part of how they explore the world.

Some small objects, such as marbles, beads and button batteries, are just the right size to get stuck in a child's airway and cause choking.

The best way to avoid this is to make sure that small objects like these are kept out of your child's reach.

No matter how careful you are, your child may choke on something. In most cases, you or someone else will see your child swallow the object that causes choking.

There can be other reasons why your child starts coughing. But if your child suddenly starts coughing, isn't ill and has a habit of putting small objects in their mouth, there's a good chance that they're choking.

Tips on helping a choking child

If you can see the object, try to remove it. Don't poke blindly or repeatedly with your fingers. You could make things worse by pushing the object further in and making it harder to remove.

If your child's coughing loudly, encourage them to carry on coughing to bring up what they're choking on and don't leave them.

If your child's coughing isn't effective (it's silent or they can't breathe in properly), shout for help immediately and decide whether they're still conscious.

If your child's still conscious, but they're either not coughing or their coughing isn't effective, use back blows.

Back blows for babies under 1 year

Sit down and lay your baby face down along your thighs, supporting their head with your hand.

Give up to 5 sharp back blows with the heel of 1 hand in the middle of the back between the shoulder blades.

Back blows for children over 1 year

Lay a small child face down on your lap as you would a baby.

If this isn't possible, support your child in a forward-leaning position and give 5 back blows from behind.

If back blows don't relieve the choking and your baby or child is still conscious, give chest thrusts to infants under 1 year or abdominal thrusts to children over 1 year.

This will create an artificial cough, increasing pressure in the chest and helping to dislodge the object.

Chest thrusts for children under 1 year

Lay your baby face up along the length of your thighs.

Find the breastbone and place 2 fingers in the middle.

Give 5 sharp chest thrusts (pushes), compressing the chest by about a third.

Abdominal thrusts for children over 1 year

Stand or kneel behind your child. Place your arms under the child's arms and around their upper abdomen.

Clench your fist and place it between the navel and ribs.

Grasp this hand with your other hand and pull sharply inwards and upwards.

Repeat up to 5 times.

Make sure you don't apply pressure to the lower ribcage, as this may cause damage.

Following chest or abdominal thrusts, reassess your child as follows

If the object still isn't dislodged and your child's still conscious, continue the sequence of back blows and either chest or abdominal thrusts.

Call out or send for help, if you're still on your own.

Don't leave the child.

Call 999 if the blockage doesn't come out after trying back blows and either chest or abdominal thrusts. Keep trying this cycle until help arrives.

Even if the object has come out, get medical help. Part of the object might have been left behind, or your child might have been hurt by the procedure.

Unconscious child with choking

If a choking child is, or becomes, unconscious, put them on a firm, flat surface and shout for help.

Call 999, putting the phone on speakerphone so your hands are free.

Don't leave the child at any stage.

Open the child's mouth. If the object's clearly visible and you can grasp it easily, remove it.

Start CPR - see How to resuscitate a child.

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Children, particularly those aged from 1 to 5, often put objects in their mouth. This is a normal part of how they explore the world. Some small objects, such as marbles, beads and button batteries, are just the right size to get stuck in a child's airway and cause choking.

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Excellent information on introducing solids including meal planners

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Healthy Start and Best Start Foods
A practical guide

The aim of this guide is to provide support to families to help them to get the most out of the Healthy Start scheme in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, or the Best Start Foods scheme in Scotland. The guide provides a range of healthy family recipes using ingredients that can be bought through the Healthy Start or Best Start Foods schemes, and shows how these can feed the whole family.

There is no hard copy available of this resource, but a local printer could produce copies from the pdf if needed.

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Eating well early years - First Steps Nutrition Trust

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The aim of this guide is to provide support to families to help them to get the most out of the Healthy Start scheme in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, or the Best Start Foods scheme in Scotland.

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My article on how to continue breastfeeding when you go back to work

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My article on how to continue breastfeeding when you go back to work

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HOW TO MANAGE GOING BACK TO WORK WHEN YOU

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As parents, we all say things to encourage our kids to eat healthier. Yet, in our modern, food-centric environment, even well-intentioned comments can be translated into negatives that hinder eating.

So, here are 10 common "food statements" parents often say to kids, how kids are likely to translate them and more effective things to say and do.

1. "See, your (sister, brother, cousin, friend) is eating it, why don't you?"

Translation: "He/she is a better eater than me."

A better thing to say: "I know you'll get there, sweetie. It takes time -- and many tastes -- to learn to like a new food."

Rationale: Instead of feelings of inferiority, you want to instill confidence that the child can and will like the food in their own time.

2. "You used to like blueberries -- you are so picky!"

Translation: "Maybe I won't grow out of this picky-eating thing?"

A better thing to do: Don't call attention to picky eating. Instead, make eating an enjoyable experience.

Rationale: Avoid labeling children as "picky" as this is a normal stage of development and the label tends to stick.

3. "For the last time, no, you cannot have ice cream!"

Translation: "I'm never getting ice cream again!"

A better thing to say: "We are not having ice cream now because lunch is a half hour away. We'll have some one day this week for dessert."

Rationale: Children accept "no" much better when they know why they can't have something and when they will have it again.

4. "You didn't eat enough. Take a few more bites and then you can leave the table."

Translation: "Mom/dad/empty plate (external signals) are a better judge of when I'm done eating than what I'm feeling inside."

A better thing to say: "Make sure you got enough to eat because the next meal won't be until (breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack time)."

Rationale: When children are in charge of how much to eat, they learn how to effectively manage hunger (hint: sometimes, mistakes have to be made).

5. "If you eat some of your veggies, you can have dessert."

Translation: "I can't wait until the day I don't have to eat my veggies -- and can go straight to dessert!"

A better thing to do: Instead of nagging and food rewarding, offer tasty vegetables often and model healthy eating.

Rationale: Research shows that children learn to prefer the reward food over the "have to eat" food.

6. "Good job!" (after eating more than usual)

Translation: "Mommy and daddy are proud of me when I eat more food or finish my plate."

A better thing to say: "You always do a good job eating when you listen to your tummy."

Rationale: Praising children for eating more food teaches them quantity is preferable to following one's appetite, which varies from meal to meal.

7. "Eat this, it's good for you."

Translation: "It tastes bad."

A better thing to say: "This tastes really good and is similar to X that you like."

Rationale: Studies show taste rules children's food preferences and they benefit from getting more information about a new item.

8. "If you are good in the store, you can have a cookie," or "If you don't stop doing that, you won't be getting ice cream tonight."

Translation: "Every time I'm good, I should get a treat!"

A better thing to do: Let them know ahead of time the consequence that will happen if they misbehave -- and leave food out of it.

Rationale: Think about the long-term effects of constantly rewarding with food. For example, in a 2003 study published in Eating Behaviors, adults who remembered food being used to reward and punish were more likely to binge eat and diet.

9. "We don't eat cake often because it is bad for you."

Translation: "I like everything that is bad for me (Bad = pleasure)."

A better thing to say: "Cake is not a food we eat all the time. We'll have some cake this weekend at Jake's birthday party."

Rationale: Labeling food as "good" and "bad" creates judgment around eating. Instead, teach children how all foods fit into a balanced diet based on frequency of eating.

10. "You don't like dinner? Want me to make you something else?"

Translation: "I never have to venture out with food because mom/dad will always make my favorites!"

A better thing to say: "We all get the same meal for dinner; sometimes you get your favorite, and other nights someone else does."

Rationale: Eating meals together teaches children eating is a family affair and it encourages them to accept a wider variety of food over time.

Never underestimate the power your words have when it comes to children and food. If you are looking for positive and effective ways to feed your child at any stage of development, check out my book, Fearless Feeding, to get the support you need.

Any of these statements ring true with you?

This post originally appeared on Maryann's blog, Raise Healthy Eaters.

See Gallery

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10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Child About Food

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As parents, we all say things to encourage our kids to eat healthier. Yet, in our modern, food-centric environment, even well-intentioned comments can be translated into negatives that hinder eating. So, here are 10 common "food statements" parents often say to kids, how kids are likely to translate them and more effective things to say and do.

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How to teach children about healthy eating

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How to teach children about healthy eating

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New York Times article

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Credit... Giacomo Bagnara

Even the most well-meaning comments can have a big impact on a child's body image and long-term relationship with food.

This guide was originally published on July 25, 2019 in NYT Parenting.

Caitlyn Hitt grew up in a household with "food issues," where her family frequently talked about weight and dieting. She was urged not to eat certain foods because of how they might impact her appearance, she said, and had diets pushed on her at a young age. Hitt said that the experience gave her a complex about her weight and made her see certain foods as bad.

Now, as a mother of a 6-year-old boy, Noah, Hitt is conscious of how she discusses food and eating around him. She emphasizes balanced eating, where no foods are good or bad, and encourages Noah to try new foods.

"I feel like you're always toeing the line of pushing the wrong message, so we emphasize that fruits and vegetables and protein are good for your body," said Hitt, 27, a freelance writer based in Brooklyn. "But I don't like to harp on it too much, like, 'You should be eating that' or, 'This is bad for you.'"

As Hitt's story illustrates, there's a delicate balance between talking to children about healthy eating and instilling unhealthy relationships with food. With childhood obesity on the rise, it's normal for parents to naturally want their children to embrace healthy lifestyles. But even the most well-meaning comments can have a big impact on children's body image and long-term relationships with food.

To compile this guide, I spoke with a nutritionist, a pediatrician and two nutrition and family health researchers, who have offered tips on how to foster healthy eating habits without inspiring disordered eating or food shaming.

Kids eat healthier when their parents do, said Dianne Neumark-Sztainer, Ph.D., an author and researcher at the University of Minnesota School of Public Health. So exposing them to healthy food choices and being a positive role model - such as by viewing food as "a source of joy and nourishment" rather than as an enemy, said Dr. Neumark-Sztainer - can go a long way in improving their body image and their relationship with food.

Whitney Linsenmeyer, Ph.D., a registered dietitian and a spokeswoman for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, works with college students who have eating disorders as part of her role as an assistant professor at Saint Louis University. Dr. Linsenmeyer said that she sees firsthand how parents' unhealthy relationships with food can get passed down to their children. She mentioned a patient with anorexia nervosa who remembered that, during her childhood and teenage years, her mother struggled with her own weight and obsessed over which foods have too much fat. While the patient didn't necessarily attribute her mother's comments to her eating disorder, Dr. Linsenmeyer said that, in her opinion, the mom's influence played a role, as patients sometimes may not recognize comments as harmful if they occurred during childhood.

If you personally worry about your weight, or if you tend to embrace fad diets - which can promote short-term, unhealthy weight loss by glorifying or demonizing certain foods rather than focusing on balanced eating, said Dr. Linsenmeyer - it can be challenging to model healthy habits for your children. Avoid restricting foods or going on fad diets, such as Keto or Whole30, and making weight-related comments, such as saying, "I can't believe I ate this; I blew my diet," advised Dr. Neumark-Sztainer.

Dr. Natalie Muth, M.D., a pediatrician based in Carlsbad, Calif., and a spokeswoman for the American Academy of Pediatrics, said that MyPlate, a website maintained by the United States Department of Agriculture which outlines the agency's dietary guidelines, can help parents plan healthy, balanced meals. It recommends that meals include lots of fruits and vegetables, with some whole grains and protein. The guidelines can be adjusted to accommodate different eating lifestyles, like gluten-free or vegetarian, she said.

It's never too early to start healthy-eating conversations with your children, and continuing that dialogue at every stage of their development can help foster lifelong healthy habits, said Dr. Muth. You can put this into practice by eating together as a family as often as possible, and by involving kids in food shopping and cooking to expose them to fruits and vegetables at an early age.

As children get older, studies suggest that families who eat together at mealtimes tend to have higher-quality diets with more fruits and vegetables and less fast food and sugary beverages.

To help expand even your pickiest eater's palate, Dr. Muth suggested serving everyone the same foods at mealtimes. If your child still turns up her nose at a certain item, don't worry. It may take several tries before she eats it.

Alexis Petersen, 37, a content marketing director in Ann Arbor, Mich., said that when she grew up in the 1980s and '90s, she ate most of her meals in front of the television. Now, she focuses on "joyful mealtimes" with her children - who are 7 and 3 - and serves everyone the same foods, allowing them to eat as little or as much of what's on their plates as they want. Petersen's son is a picky eater, so she relies on familiar dishes, like tacos, and introduces new fillings to encourage him to try new things. This approach has been mostly successful, she said.

Keeping all conversations around food positive and avoiding making negative comments about their child's or anyone else's appearance or eating patterns can help strengthen your child's relationship with food, said Dr. Muth. Kids may internalize negative remarks and, in turn, may food shame others or develop unhealthy eating habits or disordered eating.

"I encourage parents, whatever choices they've made around being healthy - whatever that means to them - or around certain meal patterns, to try to be positive about it," Dr. Muth said.

Positive conversations should center on "eating real food, as much as you can, having lots of fruits and vegetables and listening to your body's cues for hunger and fullness," she said, adding that there should be no "forbidden" foods.

Hitt teaches her son "not to yuck someone's yum," she said, and to avoid commenting on what others eat. Another rule: He has to try something before saying he doesn't like it. She said he's fairly open to trying most things, but vegetables are a struggle.

Weight-focused conversations with younger kids can manifest later as low self-esteem, unhealthy body image and disordered eating during adolescence, when children are most susceptible to these health conditions, said Jerica Berge, Ph.D., an associate professor and vice chair for research at the University of Minnesota Department of Family Medicine and Community Health.

A study Dr. Berge published in JAMA Pediatrics in 2013, for instance, found that teens whose parents had weight-related conversations with them were more likely to diet, embrace unhealthy weight-control behaviors and binge eat than those whose parents had conversations focused on healthy eating alone.

Getting the messaging right early on - so that it doesn't cause harm later - is challenging, Dr. Berge said, since any discussion about eating vegetables or exercising can become harmful when it's suggested in the service of losing weight.

Instead, talk about positive outcomes or behaviors that interest the child, like athletic ability, for example.

Parents often feel pressure - whether from other parents or from health-related content online - to obsess over their children's diets or to measure those diets against those of other kids. But Dr. Muth said they should decide what's best for their family, and not to worry about what others do.

Additionally, Dr. Muth said that paying attention to your child's growth chart is important for ensuring that your kid is developing in a healthy way in relation to their age; but in some cases, it can also be more important to focus on raising a healthy, happy child and not on a number on a scale.

Talk to a pediatrician or a nutritionist if your child, at any age, starts obsessing about weight, or gains or loses a lot of weight in a short period of time, Dr. Muth said. Other red flags for disordered eating or unhealthy body image could include skipping meals, talking about their weight, saying negative things about their bodies, saying negative or shaming things about others' eating habits or appearance, sneaking foods or referring to certain foods as "good" or "bad." She said a pediatrician or nutritionist can help parents talk to their children and develop a healthy eating plan.

Erica Sweeney is a wellness and nutrition journalist who writes for HuffPost, Parade.com, Teen Vogue and more.

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How to Teach Children About Healthy Eating, Without Food Shaming

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Even the most well-meaning comments can have a big impact on a child's body image and long-term relationship with food. This guide was originally published on July 25, 2019 in NYT Parenting. Caitlyn Hitt grew up in a household with "food issues," where her family frequently talked about weight and dieting.

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How to raise children with a healthy relationship to food

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How to raise children with a healthy relationship to food

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Interview with Sarah Ockwell-Smith

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There are a few things that Sarah Ockwell-Smith is passionately against. One is stickers - when used to reward children for 'eating up' their meals.

Another is age restrictions on certain foods. Raising children who are really 'good eaters', she argues, is not about encouraging them to finish everything on their plates or dictating what they should eat. It's about teaching them how to listen to their bodies.

Ockwell-Smith is a leader in gentle parenting, an approach that encourages parents to follow their children's instincts rather than imposing regimes on them.

She is the author of nine books, the first of which, B abyCalm: A Guide for Calmer Babies and Happier Parents, came as a response to the rising popularity of sleep training, in particular the 'cry-it-out' method promoted by the author Gina Ford, which teaches parents to leave their children to cry so they can learn to settle themselves and sleep through the night.

Ockwell argues that this leads to unnecessary stress, can damage a child's bond with their parents and potentially impact on their development.

Instead, she suggests parents are led by their babies, allowing them to feed or cuddle whenever they need to. Her latest book, The Gentle Eating Book, uses these principles in the context of food.

Healthy eating for children is currently a popular topic in the media. According to the government, on average children consume three times more sugar than is recommended, around half of which comes from unhealthy snacks and sugary drinks. Childhood obesity is increasing, and a reported rise in teeth extractions among under-18s is being blamed on sugary food and drink.
No 'naughty' foods
On the surface then, it might make sense to restrict access to these foods, and this is being done through a variety of channels. One campaign, launched by Public Health England in January this year, recommends that parents give their children a maximum of two 100-calorie snacks per day. Schools are advised not to provide more than two portions of deep-fried food each week.

Recently, some supermarkets have imposed a ban on the sale of highly caffeinated energy drinks to children under the age of 16. However, these measures, Ockwell-Smith argues, are misguided and potentially damaging.

"What parents don't realise is that the more they restrict when their child is younger, the more likely the child is to go crazy when they are older because they don't know how to self-regulate," she says.

"The whole ethos of gentle parenting is to trust the child and give the child more autonomy to do things more naturally," she adds. "If you use baby-led weaning, so not making a baby eat puréed food off a spoon, you see how easily babies self-regulate."

An important part of teaching children to self-regulate is understanding eating habits from an evolutionary perspective.

Ockwell-Smith argues that a preference for sweet foods in young children is one way nature has protected them from being poisoned, because toxic foods tend to be bitter. In the same way, refusing to eat unfamiliar foods could have saved our distant ancestors from snacking on something inedible when they were toddlers. From this angle, 'picky eaters' are not seen as negative, but as having a natural response to their environment.

Allowing children to follow their instincts means learning to recognise and act upon hunger cues, Ockwell-Smith writes.

This means eating when hungry, not for the sake of eating, and understanding what makes them hungry. She suggests that should not be associated with emotion. To this end, we should avoid anthropomorphising food, not describing it as 'naughty' or 'good'. Her advice even extends to using food as terms of endearment, like 'honey', 'pumpkin' or 'cupcake'.

"If you're calling children something like 'cupcake', they are going to subconsciously associate food with feeling good," Ockwell-Smith says. When food becomes emotional, it is no longer mindful, and it can risk being used as an emotional prop.
Taking food personally
The biggest thing that this approach conflicts with is the idea of sharing a meal and sitting around a table enjoying it together.

"It's important, but it's at odds with whether their children are hungry or not," Ockwell-Smith says. "Say your child is hungry but it's only 4pm, and dinner's not until 6pm.

"Really, it's better to give them their dinner at 4pm than to make them wait, because you're getting the social side of things but they're not learning about hunger."

An integral part of Ockwell-Smith's advice is self-reflection. She says she still struggles with feelings of guilt if she doesn't finish everything on her plate, and finds it hard to regulate her eating.

"I know where my food issues stem from," she writes in The Gentle Eating Book, "but they are so hard to overcome." That's why, before even thinking about how to encourage mindful eating in your children, you have to start with yourself, she says.

Problems can range from binge-eating to orthorexia - an unhealthy obsession with otherwise healthy eating.

"I work with a lot of parents who are into natural and green things, and I would say a lot of their attitude to eating is psychologically unhealthy because of their worries about organic, not having refined sugar, not having processed cereals, so I think you have to strike a balance," Ockwell-Smith says.

"Prohibiting foods that contain these things isn't going to raise a child with healthy eating habits. They will most likely develop orthorexia, or when they are older they might completely rebel and eat fast food."

It's difficult not to take food personally, and parents often feel judged on their children's appetite, Ockwell-Smith says. She uses the example of her first child, who for the first year of his life polished off everything he was given with gusto.

"I felt like a good mum," she says - but things quickly changed. "Around two months after his first birthday, my 'good eater' son pretty much stopped eating. Foods he had previously wolfed down were left untouched, met with grimaces and tears."

The result was a knock in her confidence. "I felt like a complete failure. Each day I felt as if I was failing my son, failing to keep him healthy, failing to provide him with the nutrients he needed to grow big and healthy."

The answer, she discovered, was to relax. "I educated myself about eating in early childhood. Once I understood his eating, or rather lack of it, I could relax, which was possibly the most powerful thing I did."

In the end, learning to relax is an integral part to raising a child with a 'healthy' appetite, Ockwell-Smith says.

"In order to trust children, you have to trust yourself, and as children we were all taught we couldn't be trusted. There's so much we have to undo from our own upbringing. I can't self-regulate, so how can I teach my children to? But they do."
This Author
Marianne Brown is Deputy Editor of Resurgence & Ecologist. To find out more about Sarah Ockwell-Smith's work, visit her website. The Gentle Eating Book is published by Piatkus.

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How to raise children with a healthy relationship to food

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There are a few things that Sarah Ockwell-Smith is passionately against. One is stickers - when used to reward children for 'eating up' their meals. Another is age restrictions on certain foods. Raising children who are really 'good eaters', she argues, is not about encouraging them to finish everything on their plates or dictating what they should eat.

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I highly recommend having a look at Dr Laura Markham's excellent parenting website, which has an interesting article on the importance of family meals:

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I highly recommend having a look at Dr Laura Markham's excellent parenting website, which has an interesting article on the importance of family meals:

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"Surrounded by the people who matter, gazing into the faces we love, we count our blessings and share our burdens, reliving the daily dramas of missed buses and skinned knees. We raise jelly glasses and champagne flutes, toasting accomplishments in classrooms and boardrooms. The table is where we mark milestones, divulge dreams, bury hatchets, make deals, give thanks, plan vacations, and tell jokes. It's also where children learn the lessons that families teach: manners, cooperation, communication, self-control, values. Following directions. Sitting still. Taking turns. It's where we make up and make merry. It's where we live, between bites."

-Doris Christopher

You've probably heard that having dinner together as a family is a good thing for your kids, but you may not realize that it could change your child's life. Dinner is the best predictor we have of how kids will do in adolescence. The more frequently kids eat dinner with their families, the better they do in school, and the less likely they are to get involved with drugs or alcohol, suffer depression, consider suicide, or become sexually active during high school.

Why?

Maybe because families who eat together talk more, which helps them stay connected and build better relationships.

Maybe because parents who show up to eat with their kids are more likely to express their love constructively in other ways, too, in the form of both attention and supervision.

Maybe because families who offer kids more structure are more likely to keep kids attending to their homework as well as out of trouble.

Maybe because dinner transforms individual family members into a "group," which gives parents more clout to rival the power of the peer group.

Or maybe because children, even more than the rest of us, need something to count on every day, the tangible security of belonging and being nurtured that is represented by the ritual of sharing food with those we love.

Whatever the reason, dinner is a pretty easy insurance policy to build into your home life. If you're too busy to have dinner as a family on a regular basis, it's worth re-examining why, given how important it is.

"What's a regular basis?"

The research shows that the more meals together, the better, meaning that two is much better than none, and four is much better than two. Obviously, it's ideal if both parents -- when they live together -- can have dinner with their kids every night. But we don't live in an ideal world, and by definition no human is an ideal parent. So we do what we can, which can often mean one parent holding down the fort at many weeknight dinners. That gives Friday, Saturday and Sunday a celebratory tone as everyone sits down to savor the meal together.

"I eat with the kids every night, but my husband can't get home till later. Does that matter?"

Sometimes that's the best a family can do during the week, and you make it work. But it becomes all the more important that the whole family have time together on the weekend. There's something magical for building family identity when all members of a household share meals together, at least some of the time.

"What about kids' sports schedules that keep them away at dinner?"

Once a week of dinners on the run is inconsequential, but if conflicting schedules mean your family can't sit down at least a few times during the week for dinner, it's worth some creative thinking. Can the schedule be changed so that you all eat earlier or later? Can a child switch to after-school rather than evening activities? Can you all at least gather together for fruit and milk or herbal tea before bedtime so that you get some family time that evening?

"We eat together, but we eat in front of the TV. Does that count?"

Does it make you feel more connected to your family? Not as much as a conversation, I suspect, so the short answer is No. It's challenging to make dinner fun and relaxing when everyone is pressured and tired, so it can be a lot easier to turn on the TV at the end of a long day than to interact with your kids. But eating in front of a screen builds your relationship with the screen, not with each other.

"I'm so wiped out at the end of the day that I don't have the energy to make dinner into anything special."

After work and sports schedules, parental exhaustion is the single biggest obstacle to family dinners. But this should be a time for everyone in the family to recharge and reconnect, including you.

The first secret is to minimize the cooking -- remember, the food is not the point. (See #3 below.) The second secret is to nurture yourself as well as your kids, not just in the evening, but throughout your day.

We lose an important opportunity to check in with our kids and and re-connect if we lose dinner, especially if we work away from them all day. Dinner seems so important to me as a foundation for family culture that I would rather think of it as a cherished family tradition, and skimp somewhere else, if I have to.

"What about date night?"

While your kids are young, you may want to sit down with them for Saturday night dinner before the babysitter arrives and you head out for an evening with your partner. Of course, if you have dinner as a family most of the other nights of the week, this won't feel necessary. And if you don't, then consider this first part of your Saturday evening "date night" with your kids and make it festive.

"As my kids have gotten older, they don't want to have dinner with us on the weekend."

Again, if you have dinner as a family most other nights, you can feel comfortable exempting Saturday night as "party night" for everyone. But if you don't, then your family needs the connection time -- even if your tweens and teens don't know that!

Naturally, as your kids get older, they'll be the ones having date night. But if you open your doors to your kids' friends for dinner, tweens and even teens often enjoy a delicious free, home-cooked dinner -- and are willing to engage in an interesting discussion, if you don't embarrass them -- before they head out to a movie or party. That may seem hard to believe, but my children's friends have commented that they love hanging out at our house because the conversations are always so interesting. With some discussion ideas in mind and a little energy, you can create a dinner hour that will have the teens almost wishing they didn't have to head out. (I said almost.)

How do you create a dinner hour that's so nurturing that everyone in the family -- including you -- looks forward to it? Here are 15 ideas to get you started.

1. Put on your own oxygen mask first.

If you walk in the door from work exhausted and have to rush to get dinner on the table, you won't have any internal resources left by the time you sit down. Try putting out healthy snacks (carrots and hummus, cheese and crackers) as the "first course" while you take ten minutes to wind down. After that, you'll be more relaxed while you get dinner on the table and sit down with those people you adore. For more tips, see Surviving Arsenic Hour.

2. Consciously cultivate sacred space.

There's nothing magical about exhausted parents, cranky kids, and take-out food. But with minimal effort, we can create a daily, short but restorative, celebration of family, which offers refuge from the trials and tribulations of ordinary life. Some families do this by lighting candles, which seems to set the time apart and make it special. Some say a short blessing, which may or may not be religious in nature, but reconnects us with our gratitude for simply being alive and together.

The most important component, though, is the attitude of celebration and appreciation. Parents will need to set the tone by overlooking trivial issues like table manners and whose turn it is to (fill in the blank), and focusing instead on what really matters. Which isn't, by the way, the food.

3. The food is not the point.

I'm considered a health food nut by my family, and not a day goes by without my urging more vegetables on them. But I try to remember that the point of sitting down to dinner is to connect with each other, not what we eat. I never knock myself out with an elaborate meal on a weeknight when it's just our family eating. There are plenty of easy, healthy, kid-pleasing options out there, and my advice would be to eat simple, and save your energy for making the dinner table pleasant, rather than cooking a meal that leaves you even more exhausted at the end of a long day.

How simple can you eat? Your call, and my admiration to the chefs out there, but I rely heavily on meals like spaghetti with sauce from a jar and salad from a bag (ok, cut up some red pepper and cucumbers), tacos, leftover grains with frozen peas and grated cheese, organic chili from a box (accompanying healthy corn muffins from a mix always makes this a crowd-pleaser), and scrambled eggs with raw carrots out of the bag. Make soup on the weekend and eat it on Monday and Wednesday. And of course, there's always pizza and take-out. The point is that decent nutrition does not require a long prep time, and stressing about the food sabotages what you really want, which is connection with your family.

4. Turn off the TV and radio.

Some families resist the temptation to turn on the TV during dinner by situating the TV where it can't be seen from the table. Many impose a rule that no one answers phone calls, even if Mom or Dad gets an important work call, and turn off cell phones so they can't be heard. Protect this special time with your family from interruptions. As a previous U.S. President said about prioritizing dinner with his daughters, the world will still be there in half an hour, even if you're the President.

5. Establish fun rituals and routines.

Some families take turns choosing appropriate background music or being in charge of dessert. Some rotate who says the blessing or chooses the discussion topic. In some families, Tuesday is pizza night and Friday is family game night or the Jewish Sabbath. It's the fact that you always do the same thing that reinforces the ritual aspect, and creates the feeling that this is home, and family, and regardless of the day's difficulties, life is good.

6. Use blessings to create a sense of gratitude and connection.

For some parents, saying grace is a time-honored tradition they wouldn't think of overlooking; for others it feels foreign and artificial.

I often hear "I don't believe in God, so we don't say blessings at dinner!" But blessings are not necessarily about God. Blessings are about us: our gratitude that we are able to sit down to a meal when others are hungry, our appreciation of each other, our honoring the person who prepared the meal and the bounty of nature that produced it, our awareness that in this moment we have everything we truly need. Blessings don't have to be traditional prayers to "God." Blessings are a way of marking the meal as a sacred time together, a way of connecting us together in the deliciousness of shared appreciation. You might try holding hands while each person says one thing they're thankful for. Meg J. Ryan's book A Grateful Heart: Daily Blessings for the Evening Meal from Buddha to the Beatles has blessings of all kinds if you want some inspiration.

7. Make the discussion interesting for everyone,

rather than just adults talking about their jobs. Some families rule job talk off-limits, but I personally think there's much for kids to learn by hearing sometimes about their parents' days as well as their own. My family usually starts with a quick check-in round of "So how was school/work today?," which often leads us into a topic. Many families formalize this with "rose and thorn" in which each family member shares the best and worst of their day.

You might then explore something that was raised in the check-in ( "Alice said she has to choose her Science Fair Project. What are you considering?") or talk about an upcoming family decision, such as what to do during the school spring break. Ask kids their opinions on the issues of the day, or ask them for input on a decision you have to make. Pose ethical problems that don't have easy answers and let different family members consider how they might approach them and why. Share a poem you stumbled onto today, or a mistake you made, or a decision you have to make. Jokes can be fun, but be careful, because kids' humor can easily degenerate into a dinner you won't enjoy.

8. But what do we talk about?

Write possible agenda items on index cards and put them in a kitchen drawer, so if you're just too tired to think on some evenings you can still have a rewarding and re-energizing discussion by just pulling out a topic. Some ideas:

Name five reasons you're glad to be alive.

If we could go anywhere we wanted on vacation where would you choose, and why?

Tell each person in the family why you're glad they're part of the family.

If I could have a conversation with anyone in history, it would be _____, and I would want to ask ______.

What is your biggest fear?

What would you do if all the other kids were planning to cheat on the final and you knew that not doing so would lower your grade? How common do you think cheating is at your school?

What's the best thing about our family?

What do you think are the most important qualities of a good parent?

What do you think makes a happy family?

What do you think makes a person popular? Are wealthier kids more popular? Kids who mature faster? Are you popular? Why or why not? Would you like to be?

Click here for 230 irresistible questions to ask your kids to get great family discussions started.

9. Make sure everyone participates.

Families who have already created a culture of discussion will have an easier time with this than those who introduce it to older kids, but don't give up. Kids who don't speak up can often be coaxed to talk by asking them specific questions about their interests. "What makes rap music special to you?" will be more effective than "How was school today?"

Closed-mouth teens whose families haven't made a habit of dinner table conversation may take special wooing. Be prepared for some wise-cracking ("The most interesting thing about me is how corny my family can be!") and keep your sense of humor, and your teen will probably engage on his or her own terms. Facilitating a positive discussion can be a challenge for parents, but is infinitely worth it for the communication and closeness it fosters in your family.

10. Listen.

Middle School teacher Michelle Trujillo, in her book Why Can't We Talk? What Teens Would Share if Parents Would Listen, says that tweens and teens want desperately to talk to their parents about things that are worrying them, but parents don't listen.

Don't offer advice unless asked, and your kids will be more willing to bring up what's bothering them. Kids often gain insight into solutions just by talking. Your kids won't always say things in ways that are easy for you to hear, but try to see it from their perspective. Bite your tongue or cover your mouth (literally, if you're like me) if you need to, so that you don't interrupt, and hear them out. Breathe deeply so you stay calm. If a topic feels inappropriate for the dinner table, thank the person who brought it up, and ask if you can talk about it more after dinner, privately. Just keep reminding yourself how lucky you are to have kids who are willing to talk with you, and breathe!

11. Protect the dinner table as a nurturing, happy, safe space.

Defer unpleasant topics. Kids who begin to squabble can be asked to come up with five things they appreciate about the sibling with whom they're fighting. Adults who start to complain about their day can be asked to add "and my life is blessed" to any complaint and fined a dollar toward ice cream cones on Sunday evening. If you've tolerated a family culture where teasing is allowed -- which seems to be the norm among many families with teenage boys -- proclaim the dinner table a safe space exempt from comments that hurt another's feelings. (You might also want to re-examine the role of teasing in your household culture to make sure it's benign; click here for more info on creating a nurturing and safe emotional space for your kids.) The key is cheerful, relaxed, and kind parental leadership so that everyone's contribution is valued and no one feels criticized.

12. Agree on which nights you will all eat together and make it a big deal to miss those nights.

Most families can't eat together every night. Sometimes an adult is out of town, or a child has a school event. Some parents try to keep one night as date night to keep their bond with each other fresh, and many families routinely socialize on Saturday nights or have Sunday dinner with extended family. But you can create the expectation that on certain nights, everyone comes home for dinner. Start small, if you need to, with one or two nights a week. Even those limited by a long commute or odd hours can often manage a night or two, and those nights become extra-special for everyone.

13. Play with your food.

Or at least play with your family while you're eating your food. Creating a sense of fun and play at the dinner table is the single best way to make everyone look forward to that time together, and sets a wonderful tone in your house. Laughter really is the best medicine after a grueling day.

How? Impersonate each other. Talk in rhyme. Guess what each person's mashed potato sculpture is. Make every comment refer to food ( "I'm fried." "Guess your day wasn't a bowl of cherries?") Have a joke contest, where everyone is required to bring a joke to the table, which once a week you add to your family jokebook.

14. Work toward having everyone help get the dinner onto the table and do the clean-up afterward.

We think of clean-up as a chore, but really it's a sacrament: the means by which this lovely time of connection and deliciousness can happen again next time. Once children get used to the idea, the group effort can be fun, and of course it's a great learning experience for them. Most important, it changes the dynamic of one adult serving everyone else. Teenagers, especially, often enjoy the power of deciding what the family eats one night a week; learning to cook is good practice for when they go solo. Obviously, this won't happen every night, and busy weeknights are the hardest because kids have homework, but you might want to talk as a family about whether everyone could help get dinner on the table one night a week to start. And you can start small, with everyone gathering to set the table together and get the food onto the table. In many families where only one person takes responsibility for cooking, that person is exempt from clearing and clean-up. For clean-up, rotate who's in charge of music, create a festive mood, and involve everyone. There's no reason this can't be a fun, connecting part of your family life.

15. Celebrate whenever possible.

Make a big deal out of birthdays, accomplishments of any kind, seasonal changes, and famous people's birthdays (what a great opportunity to talk about why you admire Ghandi, or Harriet Tubman!) There's always something to celebrate. Just making it through each day intact as a family is worth celebrating!

Recommended Resources:

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Having dinner together could change your child's life. Here's why.

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"Surrounded by the people who matter, gazing into the faces we love, we count our blessings and share our burdens, reliving the daily dramas of missed buses and skinned knees. We raise jelly glasses and champagne flutes, toasting accomplishments in classrooms and boardrooms. The table is where we mark milestones, divulge dreams, bury hatchets, make deals, give thanks, plan vacations, and tell jokes.

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FEEDEATSPEAK

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Providing feeding & speech therapy services to infants and children

I'm Stacey Zimmels, a London based Paediatric Speech and Language Therapist and Lactation Consultant (IBCLC). I offer feeding and speech therapy in your home or at a clinic near you. As a mother to two small children I know firsthand how stressful it can be when your child doesn't feed, eat or speak! In 2012 I decided to work independently, and alongside my NHS job I now offer my 17 years of knowledge and experience in private practice to support you and your child whenever you need it.

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I'm Stacey Zimmels, a London based Paediatric Speech and Language Therapist and Lactation Consultant (IBCLC). I offer feeding and speech therapy in your home or at a clinic near you. As a mother to two small children I know firsthand how stressful it can be when your child doesn't feed, eat or speak!

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When my older son was 18 months old, he stopped eating what I put in front of him. He fussed endlessly at mealtimes, pointing to the cabinet where we kept the crackers and bread. He refused fruits and vegetables. I felt like I was feeding a Viking -- all he needed was a tankard of ale and a case of scurvy. In desperation, I hid vegetables in scrambled eggs and smoothies and chased him around the house with spoonfuls of peas. Every dinnertime felt like roping a calf, a calf who would shake his head no and chuckle as I missed yet again.

I complained about our mealtime struggles to a friend with a 6-year-old daughter, and she said, "I know what you mean! Last night Ava said she wanted noodles for dinner, so I made noodles, and she didn't touch them. Then she said she wanted edamame, so I made that, and she didn't touch it. Then she said she wanted a bagel, so I made that, and still she didn't eat a bite. Can you believe it?"

It was like the next 10 years stretched before my eyes. Three f*cking meals she made? Even I, with my tricks and cajoling, could see that that was batsh*t. I already hated dinnertime, the constant pleading and negotiation with my then-2-year-old, coaxing him to eat just one more bite and then rewarding him with dessert. I already felt nuts. I didn't want to continue down that road with a 6-year-old or a 10-year-old or, God forbid, a teenager.

Somehow I stumbled across Ellyn Satter's groundbreaking 2000 book Child of Mine: Feeding With Love and Good Sense, and it was literally a life-changing read. Satter, a registered dietician nutritionist and family therapist, promotes a "division of responsibility" for meals: the parent decides when to eat, what to serve, and where to serve it, and the child decides whether and how much to eat. There is always something on the table you know the kid will eat, like rice or fruit or bread, so all new, experimental foods are paired with familiar foods. There is no pressuring a child to "just taste" anything or insisting on a number of bites. Dessert is not tied to if or how much the child eats. Satter promotes family dinner, so adults eat with kids, and children see their parents enjoying a healthy variety of food.

This has worked like a charm -- all the drama went out of dinnertime like air from a balloon. I make a meal and set it in front of him (Satter advises parents to let kids serve themselves from serving dishes, but we don't do serving dishes here -- it's straight from pan to plate), and he can eat what he likes with no comment from me. He can have seconds on anything, if there's enough. There are no other options for dinner, and two years into this program he knows better than to ask.

My son is nearly 5 now, and he's still more fond of meat and bread than he is of fruit and vegetables, but because we've stopped pressuring and bargaining with him, he's tried more green things voluntarily than I would have thought. (It's also an incentive for me to make greens as enticing as possible, which has increased my own vegetable consumption.) He likes things I wouldn't have expected: lentil stew and brown rice, zucchini and basil soup, green beans and roasted broccoli.

He doesn't like things I would have thought he'd like, like lasagna. (I ask you, who doesn't like lasagna?) And yes, sometimes dinner is "kid food" -- chicken nuggets or pizza, because those are his favorites. Sometimes it's pad thai, my favorite, because Satter notes that it's good for kids to know that everyone, kids and parents included, gets their favorite foods once in a while.

Dessert is not linked to how much he eats. We rarely eat dessert, anyway, generally having our treats in the afternoon. If we do, I follow Satter's instruction of letting him eat his dessert with his dinner, which works better than you'd think it would. (He generally eats the dessert and then a portion of dinner.)

So what are the six magic words? "You don't have to eat it." Our new system doesn't mean that he never expresses dislike or says "yuck" or claims that he's not going to eat anything. In fact, the other day he looked at his plate and said irritably, "Hey, I wanted a good dinner," which, after an hour at the stove, made me want to sweep the whole table of food to the floor in an elaborate, screaming, Melissa McCarthy-esque breakdown.

But every time he says "yuck" or "I don't want that," I say calmly, "You don't have to eat it," and tuck into my own meal.

But the biggest revelation was that it gave me permission to stop hounding my son to eat -- to even, really, stop monitoring what he eats. Because the meals I make are reasonably healthy and somewhat varied, I can enjoy my meal and let him eat, or not eat, without any Sturm und Drang. I don't keep a (very limited) list in my head of "what my kid will eat."

It's also stopped the short-order-cook thing in its tracks. I cook whatever I want to eat, and if my son doesn't want to try, say, squash and sausage casserole one night, that's up to him -- there's garlic bread on the side, and carrots from the salad, and I've probably put a few apple slices on everyone's plate. He may try a bite maybe the 20th time I serve it, but in the meantime I'm enjoying the casserole, my younger son is picking out the sausage and eating the squash, and it won't go to waste. This system totally eliminates the power struggle that goes along with "getting kids to eat." It also allows kids to pay attention to their body's satiety cues -- it turns out that my son doesn't eat much dinner at all, ever, no matter what I serve. He's just not hungry in the evening. So I try to make the earlier meals as nutritious as possible and don't worry about dinner.

Sure, it's not perfect. A lot of the meals I make are kind of lame and don't tempt anyone. I wish we were all a little more adventurous with new foods. And family dinner doesn't happen every night -- sometimes it's just one parent or no parent, because I'm often just not hungry when it's the kids' dinnertime. But the system has worked pretty well overall. It stops us from making food a reward or punishment, which I think sets up a lifetime of disordered "good food/bad food" thinking. He doesn't have to choke down a portion of bok choy to get a bowl of ice cream, and we aren't forcing him to ignore his body's cues to eat something he doesn't want to.

"You don't have to eat it," spoken in a mild tone, without rancor, has completely changed my life. I use it on our second son, a toddler now, with great success. Sometimes he too doesn't eat even a bite of dinner, and I'm tempted to poke in a few spoonfuls while he watches a TV show. But I restrain myself. I mean, he doesn't have to eat it.
This post was originally published on The Mid.
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When my older son was 18 months old, he stopped eating what I put in front of him. He fussed endlessly at mealtimes, pointing to the cabinet where we kept the crackers and bread. He refused fruits and vegetables. I felt like I was feeding a Viking -- all he needed was a tankard of ale and a case of scurvy.

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The Milk Meg's strategy for fussy eating:

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The Milk Meg's strategy for fussy eating:

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Is the above picture familiar to you? The empty chair with the plate of food! But where is your toddler?! Probably trying to find you to ask for boob...
*If you'd like more information after reading this, click here to check out my BOOBinar (breastfeeding webinar) on this topic!*
Many of us go through similar steps when introducing solids...

1. Give our child their first piece of meat, mashed up vegetable, fruit or rice cereal mixed with our breastmilk.

2. Clap and laugh at our baby while they look up at us confused. He seems to be thinking, "how can you do this to me? I was so happy just drinking your milk..."

3. Keep trying ever so diligently to get him to EAT. SOMETHING.

4. Start to worry when he will only eat the occasional piece of food thrown at him and wonder how long he can survive on breastmilk only! Will he ever want something besides my boob?! He is already 12 months old! My sister's kid eats like he has been starved his whole life and my toddler barely eats a crumb. Will he ever eat?!

...yes he will. 🙂 The end. No, just kidding I do have a thing or two more to say about the subject...

Here are important points to remember when introducing solids and when your baby turns into a toddler and continues to prefer boob to actual solid food.

From 6-12 months...the EXPLORATION PERIOD of "eating" solids.

This is the time when your child will either a) go completely crazy excited over food and eat like she has been starving for the last six months or b) look at you like you are an alien from outer-space who is giving her poison (which she will definitely not eat). Both of these reactions are NORMAL! You have nothing to worry about either way. For some reason in our Western societies we have become OBSESSED with how much our babies and toddlers eat!! "Look at what a good eater he is!" or, "Wow! I would be a bit worried that she is not eating much..." It's not about the amount of food they are eating...it's about WHAT they are eating and IF they are growing as expected and meeting their developmental milestones. Whether or not they eat 3 square meals a day is not an indication of overall health and well-being with your child. Look at the ENTIRE picture, not just the amount of food they are eating. A baby who is formula fed will have a need to eat more food and a larger variety of food than a breastfed baby. A baby who is breastfed is getting a huge variety of nutrients in their mother's milk, where a baby who is formula fed is getting the same exact thing every time they have a bottle of formula.

Consider starting solid foods using the "baby led weaning" approach where you feed them a chuck of something off of your plate. Give them a piece of soft, cooked (obviously) sweet potato, a large lamb chop bone to suck on, or a piece of banana. Click HERE to read more about baby led weaning and what it's all about. It's not about "getting as much as possible into them!" it's about exploration with food and getting them used to eating.

If you want your children to eat healthy then start with healthy foods! Sounds simple yet so often we find ourselves buying the "kid" stuff at the supermarket. The "kid" sausages, the "kid" snacks, the "kid" crackers...and then we wonder why they won't eat our homemade sauerkraut and yoghurt. Start your kids with unsweetened, fermented or cultured foods. This will start their taste buds off on the right foot! Or tongue? Forget about the "kid" stuff, they can eat the same off of their plate that is on yours!

*Take home point..."Food before one is just for fun!"

Now to the 12-24 month period of eating food...the "I want to eat crackers and bread" period of eating. *take note, this period might last for five to ninety years instead of two! Crackers and bread continue to be the favourites for many of us.

This is the time when your child will either a) eat everything happily regardless of whether or not they are still breastfeeding or b) will eat things but be very picky with what they like. So what to do about your picky eater?

Remember your child will want to eat what is around, what is being offered and what you have in the house. If you offer cookies, cereals, cracker and bread then they will most likely want that over veggies, fruit, meat and dairy. STOP THE CRACKERS! When you offer them a plate of food, do not always include carbs or grains as this is what they will go for most of the time. If you want them to eat a larger variety of food then only offer them the variety instead of the "go to" staples that you know they will eat. If they know the cracker or bread will come eventually then they will hold out for that. Before you know it, they will eat fruits and veggies...stop buying the carbs or do what I do and hide in your bedroom while you eat them... 😀 I'm not saying "never give your child another cracker or piece of bread!" Just don't have it around all the time for every meal.

So what about the "grown up" kid who hardly eats a thing?!

My husband has told the story many times about his "sausage eating years" (don't let your imagination run wild here folks, we are talking about food 😉 ) where he would only eat sausage for dinner. No vegetables. No fruit. No pieces of cheese. Just sausage. Now it's important to note that this had nothing to do with my husband but it had everything to do with his parents! They allowed sausage to be an alternative for him every night for who knows how long. *To my in-laws if you are reading this, I love you and pass no judgement! Seriously! He survived the "sausage eating years" just fine...*

When my kids sit down to dinner they know the options, "dinner, fruit or veggies!" There is no option of cooking a separate meal (even if they want to cook it), there is no sausage option, there is nothing on offer except what I have cooked or an apple or carrot. MOST of the time they eat dinner. If they don't eat dinner and choose an apple or carrot instead then great! They are eating a raw food that is healthy. If they are hungry enough they will eat what I have cooked even if they don't love it. My oldest boy ate my pumpkin soup last night. He "HATES" pumpkin but he obliviously hated the idea of an apple more.

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Total: 3.3K 3.3K 9 4 1Is the above picture familiar to you? The empty chair with the plate of food! But where is your toddler?! Probably trying to find you to ask for boob... *If you'd like more information after reading this, click here to check out my BOOBinar (breastfeeding webinar) on this topic!* Many ...

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Sarah Ockwell-Smith's tips on healthy eating habits:

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Sarah Ockwell-Smith's tips on healthy eating habits:

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(Image: Getty)

Most parents worry about their children 's eating habits at some point - whether it's fussy youngsters refusing to have their veg or teens concerned about their weight.

Parenting expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith has written The Gentle Eating Book to help start kids off with a positive approach to eating.

She specialises in gentle parenting methods and reckons it's possible to raise a child with a positive, healthy attitude to food and body image so that they won't ever feel the need to diet.

She believes the key to this is examining your own views on food.

Sarah said: "Most people get straight into 'How can I change my kids?' But you have to start with changing yourself."

Here are her tips on raising a diet-proof child.

1. Step back

Sarah advises parents to take a step back and learn to trust children to eat instinctively.

Don't inhibit what happens naturally and avoid giving
children your own hang-ups about food, dieting and weight.

Start by evaluating your own views on eating, health, weight and body image.

Sarah says if you have a child who says they're always hungry, then trust them that they need more food.

But on days they say they're not hungry, don't make them eat lunch or dinner just because it's mealtime.

2. Set a good example

Sarah says how a mother feels about her body image and what she says about her body in front of her children, especially her daughters, will help them develop the same body image.

Rather than saying your thighs are fat and don't fit in your jeans, talk about your thighs being strong.

3. Don't diet in front of your kids

Sarah said: "If you have to diet, keep it a secret as much as possible so they don't know you're doing it.

"If you have a mother who diets, you're going to have a daughter who diets and a daughter who has body image issues.

"Every bit of research says diets don't work, they make you put on weight."

4. Don't talk about good food and bad food

Stop giving food a personality by talking about what's bad and naughty and what's good.

Sarah said: "Don't talk about good food and bad food - there's no such thing. Food is food.

"Chocolate is not naughty; eating an apple is not good. Sometimes you fancy an apple and sometimes you fancy a chocolate cake.

"It's about not restricting food. The outcome of restricting food is the child eats more."

5, Don't reward kids for eating ANYTHING

Sarah said: "If you have a child who doesn't eat vegetables, when they eat vegetables ignore them. Don't say, 'Well done'. From research, they're less likely to eat it again.

"When you reward eating, you set up pleasure responses, so they feel good when they eat something because you praise them."

Sarah says when they're older and feel down, they'll remember eating made them feel better - which can lead them into comfort eating.

6. Don't restrict food

Sarah lets her kids have unrestricted access to the food in the house - but she has control over what she buys and ensures there's always variety.

She said: "There's always chocolate in the house - just not a huge amount of it. There will always be some chocolate, crisps and biscuits.

"If they want something to eat, I will always ask, 'Why? Are you hungry or do you fancy a snack?' I want them to listen to their bodies."

If they're hungry, she suggests toast or cereal would be more filling than biscuits.

She doesn't agree with restricting any food groups, unless there are medical, ethical or religious reasons.

7. Help promote a positive body image

Show older children their looks are only part of who they are and talk about their abilities, says Sarah.

This will help older children,
especially girls, realise there is more to them than their looks.

She said: "They can't change how they look. If they grow up believing their worth is how they look, it causes issues when they become unhappy with how they look.

"A child who is happy and content and emotionally healthy is a child who is not going to comfort eat."

She says talk to girls in particular about how some images in the media aren't real and have been manipulated.

● The Gentle Eating Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith is out on March 1, published by Piatkus, £14.99.

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These 7 top tips will have your kids eating healthy for life

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Most parents worry about their children 's eating habits at some point - whether it's fussy youngsters refusing to have their veg or teens concerned about their weight. Parenting expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith has written The Gentle Eating Book to help start kids off with a positive approach to eating.

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Effective strategies and information to tackle fussy eating and create happy mealtimes