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Hi Paul, I really enjoyed reading your essay! A strength of yours was definitely your intro anecdote paragraph. You used so much detail and great words. I could imagine the whole scene in my head. Another star for your writing piece was your end of your conclusion paragraph. I really liked how you said “Children gamers must band together to stop the atrocities that might come, video games getting banned.”  I feel like if someone were against video games you could definitely change their mind. Although your writing was amazing, I wish that you explained more about when you said the kid stayed up to 10:00 and still got an A+. This left me wondering how he passed it if he never studied. I know your point is video games can help with school but i just wonder how? Overall your writing was awesome, good job!

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Hey Paul,  I really liked your piece. It was very good. I liked how all of your sentences just went together and the words you used were really good.  Something else that you did was you showed a lot of reasons why kids should play video games and that they are not bad. This really showed me that videogames are good.  I don't have a wish for you,  you did a good job

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One of the things you did well was you described the surrounding “lush pointed trees spurned me” good job. You also described the school of fish in it but i also feel it was to much of a build up for what happend. Good job

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A strength of your  memoir, leap of faith is how you described the scene well. You described the landscape and it gave the reader an idea of where you are at. You used great inner thoughts and used no dialogue and that is how a memoir is supposed to be so you did a great job. I do recommend that you explain if you are with your family and who you are with and where you are exactly so we understand the scene a little bit.

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Hi Paul, an amazing part of yours about mGreetings my magnificent readers, welcome to myvirtual arsenal of writing masterpieces I hope you will enjoy all that you see.” I think it was In additionwhen you said “If I am really bored and don’t feel like doing any of these things you’ll find me  great how you welcome your reading to you about my website in full confidence.  working on my dark fantasy story. *Cough, cough* The Magnificent Rorick. Sorry I have frog in my throat. Back on track, I loved how you made the readers think there was a frog in your thought.I have nothing wrong with this amazing job.

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Thanks for the advice btw

I really liked how you added in what you do at home in your free time.

I really like how you described your whole life

If you don’t enjoy heavy I wouldn’t add it

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I love how said what kind of games he plays and his score.  I can tell he enjoys going outside and being with his family.  I would like to see the book he is making.  I wish he said where he likes to hang out with his friends and what he likes to do with them.

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I love how said what kind of games he plays and his score.  I can tell he enjoys going outside and being with his family.  I would like to see the book he is making.  I wish he said where he likes to hang out with his friends and what he likes to do with them.

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Hey Paul, your About me was really good, I liked the humor. “Cough Cough” that was funny. You also did a very good job talking about likes and dislikes, like I never knew you hated public restrooms that much. I only have 1 thing that needs to be worked on. There are a few spelling errors and some. I recommend you just go back and read it to fix those. Anyway that was a great about me.

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 i like how at the beginning of Paul’s lush libreyyou are introducing your self and telling us about what you like and what you dont like. L.my dislikes are you you only talk about your self and not any thing else. I wish you could sort it and put things in different places instead of it all being far cas you start talking about one thing then just start  another part of your writeing i wish u good luck-unknown 

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 i like how at the beginning of Paul’s lush libreyyou are introducing your self and telling us about what you like and what you dont like. L.my dislikes are you you only talk about your self and not any thing else. I wish you could sort it and put things in different places instead of it all being far cas you start talking about one thing then just start  another part of your writeing i wish u good luck-unknown 

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PK, before I say anything I enjoyed your introduction very much such as, how you explain how you like to watch YouTube in bed or speed run Minecraft and your fastest time is“59 minutes and 37 seconds” wowza Paul. Thanks for liking your dark fantasy story when the frog got stuck in your throat, anyway your introduction shows a little bit of your Character traits and helps me get to know your story’s at a loss for elaboration.

Your ending/summing up the story was written well, you told the readers to grab a snack and a drink and drift into your world of wonder which is a very good way to wrap up a piece and most students started off with that but I think it’s cool and unique that you ended with that.

One thing I was wondering the whole time was who do you like on YouTube, why do you like them, why do you like top speed run Minecraft, what fun for you? Why do you like writing? Remember Elaboration. Your writing is Key!

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I really enjoyed this piece and all of the humor that went into it. When you were talking about your dark fantasy book and how there was a frog in your thought. I also enjoyed when you talked about Minecraft speed running and all that. One thing i wish you did was add more dislikes.