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How to practice emotional first aid | Guy Winch | TED

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Race, Racism, Prejudice and Discrimination - What are they?

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the power of prejudice -- and why you should speak up - cnn

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The power of prejudice -- and why you should speak up - CNN

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When people in "the majority" use their social privilege to denounce bias, it can have a powerful impact on the psychological well-being of minorities.

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Some folks are able to watch the latest racist incident or school shooting unfold on the news late at night, roll over and go right to sleep. Yet, plenty of others can't watch the news past dinnertime, for the pain and agony they witness seeps too deeply into their skin and all hope for sleep is lost.

The cause for taking the suffering of others so personally? The blessing and curse of empathy.

According to Dictionary.com, "empathy" is described as "the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another." Roman Krznaric, author of " Empathy: Why it Matters and How to Get It," describes the difference between empathy and sympathy: "Sympathy is feeling pity or sorry for someone, but without that extra step of grasping what that person is going through, or how they are experiencing the world," he says.

Being an 'empath' versus being empathetic

There's also a difference between feeling empathy for others and being an actual "empath." Judith Orloff, MD, author of " The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People," identifies as an empath and describes them as "emotional sponges who are so sensitive, they tend to take on the stress of the world."

The gift of feeling empathy, or being an empath, is that you care deeply for others and want to help, says Orloff. However, the downside of empathy is it can be mighty exhausting. "Empaths have an extremely sensitive, hyperreactive neurological system," she explains. "We don't have the same filters that other people do to block out stimulation. As a consequence, we absorb into our own bodies both the positive and stressful energies around us."

Is empathy a skill or an ability you're born with?

Orloff says the ability to feel empathy is a little bit psychological tendency and a little bit neurological wiring. "It's hypothesized that empaths may have hyperactive mirror neuron systems (the compassion neurons in the brain) and they work on overdrive feeling compassion," she says.

According to Krznaric, your capacity for empathy is likely a question of nature and nurture. "Research suggests that about 50 percent of our empathic capacities are genetically inherited and the rest we can learn, because empathy is not simply a matter of wiring," he explains, adding that adversity can also lend itself to the development of an empathetic nature. "I recently met a stand-up comic who has lived with cerebral palsy all her life. She has an amazing empathy with people who not only have physical disabilities, but who get marginalized by society in other ways," he says.

Orloff also mentioned how adversity contributes to an empathetic nature: "A portion of empaths I've treated have experienced early trauma such as emotional or physical abuse, or they were raised by alcoholic, depressed or narcissistic parents, potentially wearing down the usual healthy defenses that a child with nurturing parents develops."

Empathy can be a struggle in this society

David Sauvage, an empath performance artist who consults with corporations and entrepreneurs on building more empathetic cultures, says the basis of empathy is emotional self-awareness - which isn't a skill fostered by today's achievement-driven culture.

"The average person in our culture doesn't have much empathy toward others because we prioritize everything other than emotional well-being," he explains. "How often are boys told to 'suck it up?' How often are girls told they're 'acting crazy?' How many times during the course of the day do we feel like we shouldn't feel a certain way, so we hide our sadness only to feel shame around that sadness? There's no healthy balance between the negation of people's feelings and the acceptance of people's feelings. The only way to cope is to disassociate," explains Sauvage.

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What is empathy and how do you cultivate it?

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Our brains may be wired to empathize more with people who look like us, but being more empathetic starts with just listening.

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“Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.” -José N. Harris

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“Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.” -José N. Harris

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04/06/2012 The Importance of Moral Education

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By Dr. Pramila Srivastava

To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society. Theodore Roosevelt

Education is only complete when it leads to all round development of the individual, which encompasses not only mental but also moral development. Moral education influences the social thinking of the individual and makes him/her distinguish between what is right and what is wrong. Moral education is a basic need for modern times where one is fast witnessing a degeneration of moral values. Moral education is important as it teaches diversity, tolerance, mutual respect and pluralistic values.

The word moral comes from a Latin root (mos, moris) and means the code or customs of a people, the social glue that defines how individuals should live together.

Moral values are values that express ideas about the good life. As such, concern for the moral virtues, such as honesty, responsibility, and respect for others, is the domain of moral education.

Since young people readily and unconsciously assimilate all types of influences, good or bad, if they do not have proper guidance, it is important that society provides them with a type of education that will make them acquire sound religious and moral principles, and also develop appropriate attitudes and values that will help them to make good choices and decisions in their adulthood.

Moral education, then, refers to helping children acquire those virtues or moral habits that will help them individually live good lives and at the same time become productive, contributing members of their communities.

In this view, moral education should contribute not only to the students as individuals, but also to the social cohesion of a community. A moral education system must begin by defining the morals which are most important for not only the individual but for the society as a whole.

The system must be designed as such that the individual at a formative stage should distinguish to differentiate between what is good and what is bad. Here practical learning should take precedence over bookish learning. The environment in which people live has always influenced patterns of behaviour, attitudes, actions, beliefs, values and ethics.

There is need for schools to encourage the youth to understand why people do one thing and not another. They should be able to make choices in order to become ethically mature adults. They should be assisted to learn how to take a position and consider facts relevant about a moral issue.

The study of morality is vital because we live in a world of rapid change where there are various cultures coming into conflict, in which people are not guided by a single code of ethics but by many different values and rules. The differences are often not easily reconciled; and, in fact, may be irreconcilable. It is important to understand the nature of these differences, as most discussions and debates about morals address them.

The socio-cultural changes like transition from joint family to nuclear family system, excessive competition, parental expectations, commercialization of education, negative impact of media, misuse of information technology, globalization, consumerism etc. are putting immense pressure on children, families and schools leading to distortion of values.

If effectively implemented, Moral Education will equip learners with tools of judgement in various situations leading to making responsible choices and decisions. Therefore, moral education should be an integral part of the school and college curriculum.

Photo Credit : Shutterstock

Email: ps.a@iins.org

Twitter: @PramilaBK

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The need for Moral Education - New Delhi Times - India's Only International Newspaper

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By Dr. Pramila Srivastava To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society. Theodore Roosevelt Education is only complete when it leads to all round development of the individual, which encompasses not only mental but also moral...

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Grief is not a problem to be solved or resolved. Rather, it’s a process to be lived through in whatever form and amount of time it may take.

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You may have noticed a paradox that exists among students today. Although there are exceptions to the rule, this generation of kids is advanced intellectually, but behind emotionally. They are missing many of the marks of maturity they should possess.

From an intellectual perspective, students today have been exposed to so much more than I was growing up-and far sooner, too. They've consumed information on everything from cyberspace to sexual techniques before they graduate from middle school. Everything is coming at them sooner.

Sociology professor Tony Campolo said, "I am convinced we don't live in a generation of bad kids. We live in a generation of kids who know too much too soon."

On the other hand, students have been stunted in their emotional maturity. They seem to require more time to actually "grow up" and prepare for the responsibility that comes with adulthood. This is a result of many factors, not the least of which is well-intentioned parents who hover over their kids not allowing them to experience the pain of maturation. It's like the child who tries to help the new butterfly break out of the cocoon, and realizes later that they have done a disservice to that butterfly. The butterfly is not strong enough to fly once it is free.

There is another reason, however, that teens struggle with maturation. Scientists are gaining new insights into remarkable changes in teenagers' brains that may explain why the teen years are so hard on young people and their parents. From ages 11-14, kids lose some of the connections between cells in the part of their brain that enables them to think clearly and make good decisions.
Pruning the Brain
What happens is that the brain is pruning itself-going through changes that will allow a young person to move into adult life effectively. "Ineffective or weak brain connections are pruned in much the same way a gardener would prune a tree or bush, giving the plant a desired shape," says Alison Gopnik, Professor of Child Development at UC Berkley.

Adolescents who are experiencing these brain changes can react emotionally, according to Ian Campbell, a neurologist at the U.C. Davis Sleep Research Laboratory. Mood swings, uncooperative and irresponsible attitudes can all be the result of these changes occurring. Sometimes, students can't explain why they feel the way they do. Their brain is changing from a child brain to an adult brain.

Regions that specialize in language, for example, grow rapidly until about age 13 and then stop. The frontal lobes of the brain which are responsible for high level reasoning and decision making aren't fully mature until the early 20s, according to Deborah Yurgelun-Todd, a neuroscientist at Harvard's Brain Imaging Center. There's a portion of time when the child part of the brain has been pruned, but the adult portion is not fully formed. They are "in-between." They are informed but not prepared.
The bottom line?
Students today are consuming information they aren't completely ready to handle. The adult part of their brain is still forming and isn't ready to apply all that our society throws at it. Their mind takes it in and files it, but their will and emotions are not prepared to act on it in a healthy way. They can become paralyzed by all the content they consume.

They want so much to be able to experience the world they've seen on websites or heard on podcasts, but don't realize they are unprepared for that experience emotionally. They are truly in between a child and an adult. (This is the genius behind movie ratings and viewer discretion advisories on TV). I believe a healthy, mature student is one who has developed intellectually, volitionally, emotionally and spiritually. I also believe there are marks we can look for, as we coach them into maturity.
Signs to Look For
So what are the marks of maturity? We all love it when we see a young person who carries themselves well and shows signs of being mature. They interact with adults in an adult manner. Those kinds of students are downright refreshing. Let me give you a list of what I consider to be the marks of maturity. At Growing Leaders we seek to build these marks in young people, ages 16-24 as we partner with schools. This certainly isn't an exhaustive list, but it is a list of characteristics I notice in young people who are unusually mature, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. If you are a parent-this is a good list of qualities to begin developing in your child. If you are a coach, or a teacher or a dean, these are the signs we wish every student possessed when they graduate. For that matter, these are signs I wish every adult modeled for the generation coming behind them.
1. A mature person is able to keep long-term commitments.
One key signal of maturity is the ability to delay gratification. Part of this means a student is able to keep commitments even when they are no longer new or novel. They can commit to continue doing what is right even when they don't feel like it.
2. A mature person is unshaken by flattery or criticism.
As people mature, they sooner or later understand that nothing is as good as it seems and nothing is as bad as it seems. Mature people can receive compliments or criticism without letting it ruin them or sway them into a distorted view of themselves. They are secure in their identity.
3. A mature person possesses a spirit of humility.
Humility parallels maturity. Humility isn't thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less. Mature people aren't consumed with drawing attention to themselves. They see how others have contributed to their success and can even sincerely give honor to their Creator who gave them the talent. This is the opposite of arrogance.
4. A mature person's decisions are based on character not feelings.
Mature people-students or adults-live by values. They have principles that guide their decisions. They are able to progress beyond merely reacting to life's options, and be proactive as they live their life. Their character is master over their emotions.
5. A mature person expresses gratitude consistently.
I have found the more I mature, the more grateful I am, for both big and little things. Immature children presume they deserve everything good that happens to them. Mature people see the big picture and realize how good they have it, compared to most of the world's population.
6. A mature person knows how to prioritize others before themselves.
A wise man once said: A mature person is one whose agenda revolves around others, not self. Certainly this can go to an extreme and be unhealthy, but I believe a pathway out of childishness is getting past your own desires and beginning to live to meet the needs of others less fortunate.
7. A mature person seeks wisdom before acting.
Finally, a mature person is teachable. They don't presume they have all the answers. The wiser they get the more they realize they need more wisdom. They're not ashamed of seeking counsel from adults (teachers, parents, coaches) or from other sources. Only the wise seek wisdom.

In my latest book, Artifical Maturity, I offer practical solutions for parents to instill the marks of maturity in their kids. Susan Peters once said, "Children have a much better chance of growing up if their parents have done so first." Here's to modeling and developing authentic maturity in your kids.
Based on this list, are you displaying the marks of maturity? How about your kids?

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You may have noticed a paradox that exists among students today. Although there are exceptions to the rule, this generation of kids is advanced intellectually, but behind emotionally. They are missing many of the marks of maturity they should possess.

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Dylan Marron: Empathy is not endorsement

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Digital creator Dylan Marron has racked up millions of views for projects like "Every Single Word" and "Sitting in Bathrooms With Trans People" -- but he's found that the flip side of success online is internet hate. Over time, he's developed an unexpected coping mechanism: calling the people who leave him insensitive comments and asking a simple question: "Why did you write that?"

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Empathy affects the perspective and maturation of characters

It also affects how characters understand each other in their relationships

Empathy also definitely affects the respect that people give and receive, no matter the differences

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Maturation affects the plot by changing the point of view of the characters, as if they were in the other persons shoes

It affects how readers and other characters connect and feel about one another

It helps readers to see how much the character has actually grown and affected the lives of other characters

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Prejudice is an idea or an opinion  made without reason.

It affects the characters in the book because of how a certain race was treated.

Prejudice is affecting the plot by making the characters create assumptions about the certain race.

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Loss affects the characters growing in part one.

It affects the respect the give to their father, without a mother figure.

Loss creates a wall between daughter and father, and son and father.

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Moral Education affects the plot by showing maturation

It changes the characters perspectives on a situation and how they react to a similar one in the future

It creates connections and authority to people