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BLACK FAMILY: Does not owe birthday girl's family anything; no response is needed

SOCIETY: Planned ignoring of birthday girl's family

...

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Family connectedness

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Schools can lead family events to build community and spend time with your child and their friends.

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Girl's parents connect with the school counselor to help talk with her about how to respond to friends who are resistant to being friends with "other" peers

School hold classroom guidance lessons about how to manage friends not wanting to attend others' events at home, especially based on individual differences

Take down posts and have a private conversation

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School host a larger discussion/share materials about how to manage group differences when they arise at home or at school

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Opportunities for education and perspective taking

Social Media posts on how to talk about these topics

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Take the TikTok videos down and have a private conversation with the other family about how they can be comfortable with their children being friends

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Families get to choose what extracurricular events they attend without fear of negative feedback

Social boundaries are set according to families' preferences, values, and beliefs (culture of consent)

People can disagree with/dislike others while still treating them with respect and consideration

Social media is used to further promote dialogue and inclusivity rather than further divides and discrimination

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School can host a parent meet night so parents can meet each other and connect

School can lead DEI work with the school/family community

Perspective taking and empathic approach instead of taking one story and running to Tik Tok

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Take down post; Apologize; Restorative Conversation

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CHALLENGES:

(1) No longer a private family matter--this has been politicized and dramatized
(2) Reporting of events from a 6-year-old perspective
(3) Confirmation of Black family's reluctance (if true) to avoid White-sponsored events
(4) Determining schools' role in friendship maintenance/coordination of extracurricular events
(5) Drastic difference in social values leads to differences in not only perspectives but also etiquette and social norms

OPPORTUNITIES:

(1) School could--while distancing themselves from this specific incident--further promote discussion around KINDNESS, INCLUSIVITY, race relations, cultural and contextual flexibility, family-centered education, etc.
(2) Social media COULD be used to promote positive values and experiences

CHALLENGING OPPORTUNITY:

On the part of the birthday girl's family, desire for engagement but not for dialogue, compromise, or learning--for confrontation & change

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No posting on social media; have a conversation, teachable moment to grow friendship; teach girl how to understand other's perspectives

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Girl's parents connect (if needed school can facilitate sharing of contact information) to discuss alternatives they are both ok with

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Challenges:
- School's role in this is unclear because it may not have happened on school property and is a family disagreement on social media
-Social media makes everything public and can be very divisive
- Hispanic family made a public statement that this is in the other family's hands
- Other family's response may be publicized on TikTok

Opportunities:
- School - as a part of the community - could provide more support to parents to provide more information for families about: race, managing group differences, respecting people from other groups that might not be just like "you;" how to manage social media disagreements
- Teach the child to manage how to respond to the friend

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Girl's parents connecting and discussing how both families can feel safe and comfortable with their children growing their friendship

Girl learning appropriate skills for managing negative situations and feelings

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Opportunities = improve understanding and connection, if you want people to feel comfortable need to act welcoming, deeper understanding on the WHY, not exploit this situation

Challenges = Trust/I don't know you, actions made it so no positive resolution could be achieved - if daughter wants girl to come to party this video made it so they will never be friends, do not understand what racism means; how to restore - classmate relationship; potentially affirms other parent's concerns about why they didn't want their daughter going to the party

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1. Since this issue was broadcast to the world- educating the family/others about reasons why a parent may not feel comfortable having their child attend the party

2. Teaching the girl how to manage rejection and overcome feelings of sadness

3. Challenge- the general public is now involved in the situation

4. Challenge- comments of individuals agreeing with the family- excessive validation may prohibit the family from reconsidering the other family's perspective

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Hispanic Family: the birthday party attendance is a racially charged issue but it shouldn't be

Other Family: may not be safe to attend a party with other white children; unsure how to respond to a publicly aired issue via TikTok

Girl: friend doesn't like me; am I not good enough because of my skin color?

Friend: could be caught in the middle and upset too?

Those watching the video: may agree friend/family may believe that it's not safe

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-Crying girl =upset friend can't come to party
-Crying girl's mom = I don't know what to do, upset daughter is upset
-Crying girl's aunt = wants to know why, leading girl to response so can catch on video
-J = unsure if she actually wants to come to party, unsure if she said what crying girl repeated
-J's mom = unsure why she doesn't want daughter to come to party
-School = this is not happening on school property or initiated by school so not our responsibility

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(1) BIRTHDAY GIRL: Sad classmate won't attend party

(2) BIRTHDAY GIRL'S MOTHER & AUNT: Birthday girl should NEVER EVER experience any discomfort EVER; Everyone should attend the party and want to attend the party; Not attending = political stance; Classmate's family owes them something; School owes them something; They are NOT White

(3) UNNAMED CLASSMATE: (?); Does she want to go to the party? Did she receive any messaging from her family about the party/about race relations? Does she like/enjoy being around birthday girl?

(4) UNNAMED CLASSMATE'S FAMILY: (?) Do they know about the party? Do they know about this family's messaging?

(5) SCHOOL PERSONNEL: (?) We are staying out of this...

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-Bias = J's mom's intentions (e.g., not part of the conversation; no opportunity to share thoughts; could be I don't know this family and don't feel comfortable going)
-Bias = lightness of skin, white vs. Hispanic
-Troublesome condition = little girl crying, parents not showing her how best to handle this situation, exploiting her on social media for attention
-Bias = not a school issue vs. school issue; school should deal with this vs. ask to be connected to J's mom to talk

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Girl- I am sad because my friend cannot come to my party

Girl parent's- not allowing a child to come to my house is racist

Other girl's parents- the many potential reasons for not allowing their child to attend the party

School- Events outside of the classroom are expected to be managed by the school- where is the line for school's responsibility?

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Hispanic family: friend made comment because of a racial issue; that other families are making assumptions about racial divides/barriers

Biases within the media and other community interactions or school community that racial groups don't interact well or it might not be safe for people from different groups to interact

Just because someone's skin may look white, that means they are "White"

Larger bias that all members of a racial group are the same; in-group and out-group perceptions

School bias: off-campus issues are off-campus; this is not related to what is happening during school day

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1. Assumption that all light skinned individuals are white
2. That because race was brought up it was racism/racist
3. Adult vs. child perspective on situation
4. Not considering layered rationale for "not going to white people's houses"

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- Lack of context for conceptualizing reason for child to not attend birthday party

- "Racism" = not attending a birthday party

- Reliance on child's report of events/rationale

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Department Meeting PLC Discussion 2021.08.12