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THANKS!!!!

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Her technique in writing needs to be very specific in order to allow her to focus on herself, remain within the word count, and express herself more deeply

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Thank you!!!!

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Making sure the response fully encapsulates the given prompt

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share your personal story and passion for STEM

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share your personal story and passion for STEM

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Kiran Simon(What do you hope to obtain essay #2) 

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Kiran Simon(What do you hope to obtain essay #2) 

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While I do feel like they answer the question. I feel like it's way to vague and while they do talk about their passion for computer science , what they talk about could be applied to any computer science student.

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I think the writer could have explained how music relates to computer science/STEM and how it could applied within those respective fields. I feel that this would have allowed for more of a linear flow within the essay overall. However, all in all, it was a very well written essay.

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I have to respectfully disagree with what most people have said so far. I believe that the writer did a good job talking about her passion for music which answers the prompt. However, the writer brought up computer science with no previous mention which felt a little abrupt as a reader.

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It used a great deal of figurative language, allowing the writer to express her love for her music more clearly, in conjunction with STEM.

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I think the essay could be improved by mentioning more about the STEM field. Even though the music was a good segway, they should have stopped talking about music halfway through and shifted to STEM for the rest of the essay.

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The essay responded very effectively to the prompt, portraying her passions in both music and STEM.

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I feel like the essay is really good, though the essay seemed repetitive and it seemed as though the writer kept repeating their main point with only different wording.

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The essay could've done more to talk about how her mother's struggle as an immigrant impacted her and her story rather than focusing on her mother.

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The essay could've done more to talk about how her mother's struggle as an immigrant impacted her and her story rather than focusing on her mother.

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She could have more explicitly stated how her mother's hardships tie into her own, although based off of what she's written it's easy to infer, but it would be better to know definitively what she thinks

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She could have more explicitly stated how her mother's hardships tie into her own, although based off of what she's written it's easy to infer, but it would be better to know definitively what she thinks

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Maybe a bit too descriptive (I feel it might've been a waste of words). Instead, she could have added a lot more about her background and how it affected her aspirations rather than how her mother's experiences affected her. In fact, she could have had shorter stories for different aspirations.

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The story is very vague on how her mother's experiences inspire her. Prioritizing the mother's life, the writer does not have a direct response to the prompt.

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Reflect more on her personal aspirations 

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Reflect more on her personal aspirations 

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She could focus on herself a little more. As a Mexican woman, she likely faced various -isms as a woman in STEM, and her story is important too! However, this is a beautiful essay and really allows the reader to understand her experience.

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The author responded incredibly to the prompt. Her response was able to clearly describe her experience in the STEM field. Her essay was able to explain discrimination based on gender or race - well enough so someone who had never experienced it understands.

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It can be improved by adding more to her story and how did it affect her life

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a bit too flowery

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Used anecdotes rather than a normal essay. Makes it more interesting to read while also detailing her backstory for aspiring for women empowerment.

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Well written with high elements of personal details

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Well written with high elements of personal details

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The author provided vivid details of her past that demonstrates critial elements of not only her past, but her mother's past that formed the foundation of her aspiration and mentality as she grew. It used the detail to provide the audience with a perspective on her stuggle that any person from any background my sympatize or even empathize with. This story like structure that will entrap the attention an bring the focus to further understand the her background overall.

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She beautifully conveyed her ideas with deft use of specific diction that helps the readers really visualize what she's talking about

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She beautifully conveyed her ideas with deft use of specific diction that helps the readers really visualize what she's talking about

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I feel that she could have elaborated more on how her hardships specifically impacted her own career, but I believe that it was very well written overall.

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The essay was really well written and answered the prompt with really descriptive detail while she should include more of her life.

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The essay actually does a pretty job in writing because she links how her gender, race, and culture filters into inspiring her aspirations.

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The essay is very specific to the writer's culture and history, presents a problem to be solved

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It definitely did. It was written really well because she used an anecdote rather than just a plain old essay. It was interesting to read and very clear. It did detail a little bit about her aspirations, but perhaps she could have added a bit more.

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The essay writer writes her background extremelly well with her mother being at the centerpiece for her essay about her aspirations.

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The essay writer writes her background extremelly well with her mother being at the centerpiece for her essay about her aspirations.

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She transitions very well from narrative to reflection. Along with the narrative being very descriptive, immersing the reader in the essay.

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She transitions very well from narrative to reflection. Along with the narrative being very descriptive, immersing the reader in the essay.

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The author perfectly answers the prompt, using a strong story and amazing use of figurative language to describe her struggles, expressing the significance of her aspirations.

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Natalie Carrion                                                                       I think she could've spent more time talking about herself. She was very specific and detailed when talking about her mother's experiences, but was more vague about her own goals and about how her mom's experiences affected her.

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Natalie Carrion                                                                       I think she could've spent more time talking about herself. She was very specific and detailed when talking about her mother's experiences, but was more vague about her own goals and about how her mom's experiences affected her.

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Possibly less narrative, even though it was well constructed. Focused on her a bit more, though it does show her background very effectively.

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Possibly less narrative, even though it was well constructed. Focused on her a bit more, though it does show her background very effectively.

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Tell a story that gets the reader to sympathize with the author and understand her motive for pursuing STEM

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I really enjoyed the story telling features of this writing. Really had my attention through out and I can tell how strong the writer is.

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This essay uses lots of personal narration to express her identity and backstory

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Yes, I think this essay responds effectively to the prompt because there was a story that connected to her aspirations. I feel like there was a lot of descriptive language which keeps the reader compelled.

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The author should focus on herself a bit more, and be a bit more specific on how she wants to transcends the boundaries she talks about in order to meet her goals.

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Yes, the essay helps the reader to gain a glimpse into the life of the writer and her family. It also shows her motivation for more female representation.

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Through writing techniques she was able to convey the messed beyond the literal words and allow readers to gain an understanding of her ideas by looking between the lines

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She heavily demonstrated her determination to do what her mother could not, and it showed her background with gender inequality and how it motivates her to defy that.

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The essay has very strong diction and also provides a holistic description of why she wants to pursue a STEM program. It paints a moving message and speaks to the adversity that she has to overcome.

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Perhaps the author should focus on herself more. Although I do think this person wrote this essay beautifly about her mother and what she aspires, she could add more details on how she wants to accomplish these goals.

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She presented the hardships she faced and how she overcame them in a creative way, using several techniques.

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I think the writer did a good job at describing their identity; however, they lacked detail in describing their aspirations.

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Imagery and descriptive words. It’s like a story of the past and the present

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I believe the essay did a good job of sharing aspects of the author's life and how they have shaped her aspirations to increase the equality for females in STEM.

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The essay definitely responded effectively to the prompt. The writer did so while also using storytelling to keep the reader invested. It's very well written.

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She constructed a very captivating narrative while also demonstrating her answer to the prompt. Beautifully written!

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She constructed a very captivating narrative while also demonstrating her answer to the prompt. Beautifully written!

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A narrative story focused on specific details related to her life and culture

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This essay responds to the prompt very well. It takes the reader through a narrative how aspects of her identity very much shape her aspirations to challenge the lack of women in STEM.

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This essay responds to the prompt very well. It takes the reader through a narrative how aspects of her identity very much shape her aspirations to challenge the lack of women in STEM.

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The essay responds to the prompt very effectively. Not only does she reflect on her heritage, but she reflects on the challenges she faces on a day to day basis.

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This essay does a great job at expressing the author's identity and how she views herself

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The essay does a wondrous job in effectively narrative her life through her background, gender, life goal. While reading the essay, it touched my heart in every aspect as the write about how the past of her mother also impacted her present.

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It was able to answer the question through anecdotes, drawing in the reader to her world and emotions.

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I do believe it does answer it well, though through a very narrative-focus lens

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I do believe it does answer it well, though through a very narrative-focus lens

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I think it focused a little bit too much on the mom?

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The essay writer managed to use an extensive backstory to her advantage, using her mom's character and contrasting it against her own, showing us her passions, goals and what she wants to do in order to achieve them.

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Yes, it directly answers the question and perfectly conveys to the readers how her identity has shaped her as a person

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Yes, it directly answers the question and perfectly conveys to the readers how her identity has shaped her as a person

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Connects the yearning of achieving stronger female representation in the last half of the paragraph without outright saying it. Good example of doing rather than saying.

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Connects the yearning of achieving stronger female representation in the last half of the paragraph without outright saying it. Good example of doing rather than saying.

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I think the essay could have focused more on her story rather than her mother's, though important in cultural aspects when explaining

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The reflections inspire a lot of pride in some of the events that I've been through or pride in the things that I am passionate about and getting to share that through this application

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The reflections inspire a lot of pride in some of the events that I've been through or pride in the things that I am passionate about and getting to share that through this application

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that was really well written wow - it answered the prompt and the fact that it was written like a story made it super interesting to read

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The essay responded effectively to the prompt with not only the aspects of her identity that shaped her aspirations, but responded with a detailed personal story of a loved one who saw a brighter future.

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its beautifully written, but I don't think it says enough about her identity

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Essay addressed the prompt well by giving reason to overcome to a challenge.

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It encapsulates it very well!

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Yes, it heavily ties her backstory to her future aspirations.

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It effectively responds to the prompt as it effectively integrates her race, gender, first generation college student status, all of it in a n inspirational story.

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I think the essay responded really well to the prompy. Everything is extremely well written, but I would have liked for a more direct answer to how her identity shaped her aspirations. However, that's very nit-picky, this is excellent.

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I think the essay responded really well to the prompy. Everything is extremely well written, but I would have liked for a more direct answer to how her identity shaped her aspirations. However, that's very nit-picky, this is excellent.

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This response gave a lot of backstory to how this person wants female representation in stem.

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It does, pretty well actually

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The essays questions make me reflect how have my past experiences have helped me to become the person that I am right now.

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When looking at the applications, it made me realized how I have certain things that I value and prioritize. I was placed in a position where I had to walk through memory lane and seeing what was important in my lifetime. To elaborate, I did get kind of emotion because it made me reflect on my accomplishments and even failures.

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A personal statement allows for the applicant to express themselves either through a narrative or a unique experience. This allows for a deeper connection with the applicant and helps with deciding whether they would be a good fit.

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These questions provoke a sense of contemplation upon my life choices. I feel as though they help put into perspective what I want to do in the future and how I am working towards those goals.

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The essay questions inspire numerous emotions that are stemming from various areas of my life. They all connect to one focus when they are all combined, determination. Determination to help the world, determination to show all the skills and effort that I have work hard to build from the ground up, determination to push for new experinces that will be available in the future. Determiantion also branches towards Creativity and a hunger to learn as they are some of the most coresponsding emotions involved as they show a complete reflection towards myself.

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The questions made me think more about my life, why I’m interested in STEM, and what my goals are in pursuing a career in STEM and a spot in this program. It also makes me think about the way I’ve lived my life up to this point.

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For me, the questions inspired reflection and pride. It gave me an opportunity to look back on my accomplishments and truly elaborate on my passions.

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The essay questions inspire me to share my story. The essay allows for the admissions to see how I think and what I would bring to MITES/MOSTEC. Overall it allows a chance for me as an applicant to express myself.

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The Essay questions inspire me to question what aspects of my life are important to me. It also helped me understand why I want to apply to this program, what will it offer to me and what can I offer back. It also lets me share what I'm passionate about and what I like to do on my free time

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They invoke in me a strong sense of self-reflection, while also giving a sense of humanization to the application process

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They invoke in me a strong sense of self-reflection, while also giving a sense of humanization to the application process

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The essay questions make me feel reflective on my past experiences and my whole life until this point. It also gave me a sense of realization because I've never taken much time to reflect on such things.

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The feelings the essay questions inspire in me are of wonder and amazement. It allows for me to reflect and really think on things that have affected the myself as well as many people in my community. Along with this it has allowed for me to brainstorm ideas on how to help with these issues.

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The essay questions inspire me to reflect on my life and my experiences. They make me reflect on my accomplishments, times when I have been challenged, and how I have solved problems that I have faced in my life.

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The essay questions really made me think about why I fell in love with science. I started to think about what led me to where I am today, and what I want to do in the future.

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The essay questions inspire me to express my true self.

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reflective on my past and what the future entails and how i got where i am now and how all thing (teachers, shows, ect) shaped who i am now

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The questions inspire and help me to reflect on how I could make the world a better place through STEM.

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The essay questions inspire a lot of self reflection. I feel some uncertainty, if this major is right for me, my curiosity extends beyond the major I chose. I also feel some certainty, that STEM is right for me, and it answers the questions in my head.

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Some of the feelings that I get from writing the essays and looking back on my experiences are those of nostalgia. Another is the realization that I have changed a lot since those experiences

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They inspire me to investigate experiences and values that have changed me as a person. They also inspire me to discuss my passion for climate change solutions :)

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The essay questions prompt me to rethink my experiences and how I can develop an essay from them. This essay will allow me to reflect on my experiences and learn from them.

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The questions encourage me to reflect on the broader aspects of my life.

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The essay inspires me to reflect on myself on a deeper level than I usually do and acknowledge every event in my life, whether be or smaller, as meaningful.

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happiness in my accomplishments and excitement for the future :3

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happiness in my accomplishments and excitement for the future :3