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"ARGH!" Eddie, your 6 year old, yells in frustration for the third time in 30 minutes.

Maybe he didn't get enough sleep last night. Maybe his allergies are acting up and he's more on edge. Maybe it's the middle of school vacation week and he's irritated with his sister. Or maybe it's all three. Whatever the reason, he needs to calm down. What can you do to help your son? You can create a calm down spot in your own home.

Find a spot

Find a spot that is quiet and not too busy. It could be a corner in a room, or it could be an area in their own bedroom. Figure out what's going to work best for you and your family. We use a corner in our downstairs dining room as a calm down spot. We don't use our dining room frequently, but it's still close by to everything on that floor.

Delineate the spot and make it cozy

Start with creating a way to delineate the space. Here are a few ideas:

Next, focus on making the space cozy. Add some pillows or extra blankets, and a few stuffed animals in there.

Add some calming tools

Create a calm down toolbox for your child to use in times of stress and frustration. Get a box or a basket, and put in items that will calm them. Some common items that help are stress balls, play dough, a book they like, or a toy that they enjoy playing with quietly.

Make coping skills cue cards so that your child can have a visual reminder of what calms and relaxes them. Include that in the box too.

Explain and practice

Your child will need an explanation of what a calm down spot is and how to use it. Show them where the spot is and explain to them that this is a place they can go when they need a break or need to calm down when they get upset or frustrated.

Let them add in their own specific items like a special blanket or a special stuffy. You want them to feel as cozy and comfortable as possible in this space.

When they are in a calm frame of mind, have them go into the spot and see how it looks and feels. It's always best to practice using these strategies before a crisis arises.

Calm reminder to use it

The next time your child is looking like they are getting frustrated or angry, give them a gentle reminder to use the calm down spot. Remind them that it's okay to take a break and come back when they feel ready.

Will it work perfectly every time? Absolutely not! But it will be another coping skill to add to your child's growing list of things to try to help deal with stress and big feelings.

"Eddie, you seem frustrated. Why don't you take a break and go to your calm down spot?"

He lets out an exasperated sigh, but walks to the calm down spot. A few minutes later, you take a quick peek and see him playing with his silly putty. Woohoo!

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How to Create a Calm Down Spot - Coping Skills for Kids

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"ARGH!" Eddie, your 6 year old, yells in frustration for the third time in 30 minutes. Maybe he didn't get enough sleep last night. Maybe his allergies are acting up and he's more on edge. Maybe it's the middle of school vacation week and he's irritated with his sister.

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As the number of cases of COVID-19 increases, so does the associated anxiety. For the general public, the mental health effects of COVID-19 are as essential to address as are the physical health effects.

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Crisis Support Services of Nevada

900 N Virginia Street, Reno, NV 89557 (775) 784-8090;
www.cssnv,org
1-800-273-8255  (24 hour crisis line)
1-800-273-8255 Or Text- #839863 and the message word “Care" (24 hour crisis line)

NEVADA 2-1-1

http://www.nevada211.org

Nevada 2-1-1 is Nevada's most comprehensive, free connection to critical health and human services. Information about local community services is available in a single statewide location that can be accessed via voice, text, and online

Children's Cabinet

3740 Lakeside Drive 1090 South Rock Blvd, Reno, NV 89502 (775)856-6200
http://www.childrenscabinet.org

Mobile Crisis Response Team
Phone: (775)688-1670

Community Health Alliance

1055 South Wells Avenue Reno, NV 89502
Phone: (775) 329-6300

Family Behavioral Health

2105 Capurro Wy #260, Sparks, NV 89431 (775) 378-2775, Fax (775) 622-3979
www.familybehavioralhealth.weebly.com

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Are you struggling with Children with big emotions. . . Overwhelmed administrators. . . Teachers burning out. . . Students feeling unsafe. . . Teachers

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Kids experience a vast array of feelings, just as adults do. They can feel bored, anxious, sad, disappointed, embarrassed, and scared-to name a few. While most of us experience any number of emotions from day to day, we are not necessarily taught how to deal with them or how to cope.

Kids need to learn skills to manage their emotions in a healthy way. It's important to teach them coping skills that can help them face their fears, calm themselves down, and cheer themselves up.

Without healthy coping skills, kids are likely to act out-essentially sending a message that says, "I feel out of control so I'm going to act out of control." Kids who don't know how to deal with their feelings also are more likely to turn to unhealthy coping strategies, like alcohol or food, as they grow older.

For example, instead of working on math homework they don't understand, teens who use avoidance coping may go play basketball with their friends to avoid doing homework altogether.

Then, failing the assignment is likely to compound their academic problems. These teens are likely to fall further behind in school because they didn't take steps to learn how to cope with the anxiety and frustration they experience when they try to do the work.

Impact of Coping Skills

One study published in the journal Addictive Behaviors found that adolescents who use avoidance coping are more likely to use marijuana.﻿﻿ And those who lack problem-solving skills have higher lifetime marijuana use. This is just one example of how a lack of coping skills might lead to a dependence on something else.

On the flip side, kids who learn healthy coping skills at an early age may enjoy some big advantages in life. A study published in the American Journal of Public Health discovered a significant association between social-emotional skills in kindergarten and well-being in adulthood.﻿﻿

Researchers found that children who were able to regulate their emotions at 5 years old were more likely to go to college and have steady jobs as adults. These kids also were less likely to use substances, be engaged in criminal activity, and have mental health issues.

Multiple Strategies

There are two types of coping strategies. These include emotion-focused coping skills and problem-focused coping skills. Both types of skills are important for kids to learn and implement in their lives.

Emotion-focused coping skills help kids deal with their feelings so they feel less stressed.﻿﻿ These skills are necessary for situations when kids can't change the situation-like dealing with the loss of a pet or not making the basketball team. These skills also can help kids learn how to tolerate stress better so they can persevere.

Meanwhile, problem-focused coping skills involve taking action to change the situation. These skills might involve ending an unhealthy friendship or telling a teacher about a bully. These skills can be helpful when a child has some control over the situation. It's important to ensure that your child has both types of coping skills.

Emotion-Focused Coping Skills

Emotion-focused skills involve doing things that help your child feel better. They also involve doing something that offers a temporary distraction so they can return to the issue when they're feeling more level-headed. The following are some healthy emotion-focused coping skills for kids.

Label Feelings

Just being able to verbalize, "I'm mad," or "I'm nervous," can take the sting out of uncomfortable emotions. Give kids the words they need to describe their feelings. You can read books, look at "feeling faces" posters, or talk about emotions. Then, when they're struggling with a tough emotion, ask them to describe how they're feeling.

Learn Breathing Exercises

A few slow, deep breaths can help kids relax their minds and their bodies. One way to teach kids to do this is by encouraging them to take "bubble breaths." Tell kids to breathe in deeply through their nose and then breathe out slowly through their mouth like they're trying to blow a bubble with a wand.

An alternative strategy is to teach your kills to "smell the pizza." Tell them to breathe in through their nose like they're smelling a piece of pizza. Then, tell them to blow on the pizza to cool it down. Encourage kids to do this several times to help them feel better.

Participate in Exercise

Exercise can be a great way for kids to get out of their excess energy when they're nervous and to boost their mood when they're down. Strength building exercises like lifting weights and aerobic exercises like running or biking can be excellent ways to help kids regulate their emotions.

Encourage your kids to turn to physical activities when they are struggling with difficult emotions or situations. Eventually, going for a walk or a run will become a common-and healthy-way for them to cope with the challenges they face.

Create Artwork

Whether your child enjoys painting with watercolors, coloring in a coloring book, doodling, sculpting with clay, or creating a collage, creating art can be an excellent coping strategy.

Make sure you have plenty of art supplies on hand if this strategy works for your child. Eventually, your child will just pull out the supplies as a way of coping with difficult emotions.

Reading books can serve as a great temporary distraction, especially for kids who love to escape into stories. Often, when kids are done reading, they feel better equipped to tackle a problem because they're feeling calm and rejuvenated.

So, keep a supply of books on hand that your kids can go to when they need a temporary distraction.

When kids can't stop thinking about something bad that happened at school or something they're dreading in the future, do something to get their mind off their concerns.

Whether you play a board game or kick around a ball outside, doing something active can help change the channel in their brains. Then, they'll be able to think about other things, rather than dwell on all the things that make them feel bad.

Yoga provides many benefits to the mind and the body. A study published in Body Image found that four weeks of yoga led to better moods and improved body image in children.﻿﻿

Whether you decide to enroll your child in a yoga class or you do yoga videos together as a family in your living room, teaching your child about yoga could be a lifelong skill. And when your kids need a boost in mood or need help relaxing, you can remind them to practice some of their yoga poses.

Whether your children like to make their own music or they enjoy listening to calming songs, music can affect their brain and their body. In fact, music is often incorporated into treatment programs for physical health, mental health, and even substance use problems.

Watch a Funny Video

Laughing is a good way to take a mental break from problems. Watching a funny animal video, a hilarious cartoon, or something you captured on video could be a great way to help kids feel better. Even better, have your children create their own funny videos. Or, have them try recording some "Dad jokes" and playing them later for the family to enjoy.

Learn Positive Self-Talk

When children are upset, their self-talk is likely to become negative. They may think things like, "I'm going to embarrass myself," or "None of the other kids are going to talk to me."

Teach your kids how to speak to themselves kindly by asking, "What would you say to a friend who had this problem?" They're likely to have some kind, supportive words. Encourage your kids to use those same kind words when thinking about themself.

Utilize a Mood Booster

Work with your kids on making a list of all the things they like to do when they're happy-such as dancing, singing, kicking a ball, or telling jokes. Those are their mood boosters.

Then, when they're feeling down, encourage them to do something on their mood booster list. Even if they don't feel like doing it at first, doing something fun can help them feel better.

Create a "Calm Down" Kit

Fill a shoebox with items that engage your child's senses, like a stress ball to squeeze, lotion that smells good, and a picture that makes them happy. Ask your child for input on things that can be included. Then, when they're anxious, angry, or overwhelmed, encourage them to get their calm down kit.

Problem-Focused Coping Skills

Sometimes, there are situations where your child's discomfort is a sign that something needs to change in the environment. For example, if they're completely overwhelmed by being placed in an advanced class, the best solution might be to return to the regular class. Or, if they are being bullied while riding the bus, the situation might need to be addressed with the bus driver or principal.

Sometimes it's helpful to ask kids, "Do you think you need to change the situation or change how you feel about the situation?" With your help, they can become skilled at recognizing their options. Problem-focused coping skills are strategies that help reduce the source of stress. Here are a few examples of problem-focused coping skills.

Ask for Help

When your child is struggling with something, ask, "Who could help you with this?" Help kids recognize that there are likely multiple people who could assist them. For instance, a homework issue might be resolved by calling a friend. Or, it might be helpful to talk to the teacher the following day.

See if your child can name at least a few people who could help. Kids who know that it's OK to ask for help will feel empowered. They'll know that they don't need to know everything on their own and that it's OK to ask for support.

Engage in Problem-Solving

There are many ways to solve a problem. Sometimes, though, kids feel stuck and don't recognize the action they could take. When your child is struggling with a problem-whether they don't know what to wear to the dance or they keep forgetting to do their chores-sit down and problem-solve together.

Identify at least four or five possible solutions and write them down. Then, help your child pick which one they want to try. Over time, your kids will get better at solving problems on their own. Developing strong problem-solving skills will aid your kids in the years to come.

List the Pros and Cons

When kids are struggling to make a decision, like whether to play the flute or the violin, help them create a pros and cons list. Write down the positives and negatives about each option and help them review the list. Seeing things on paper may help them make a more informed decision about what they want to do.

Encourage your kids to make a list of pros and cons every time they are faced with challenging decisions. Learning to weigh their options will serve them well-especially if they are faced with moral decisions or difficult choices in the future.

Tips for Parents

Ultimately, your children should be able to use coping skills on their own so they can deal with discomfort in a healthy way when you're not there to guide them. But, as they are learning these skills, look for opportunities to talk about different strategies.

Any time you help them, point out the strategies you're using and talk about how they can remember to use them on their own in the future. For instance, if you take your child to the park after getting cut from a team, explain your reasoning.

Say, "I know you were feeling really upset, and I know you love the park. So, I thought it would be a good way to help you feel better. What are some other things that can help you feel better when you're feeling bad?"

The following are some additional tips to keep in mind when teaching your child how to use coping skills.

Prompt your child. Say things like, "It looks like you're feeling frustrated. What would help you calm down right now?" The goal is that your children learn what works for them when coping with issues or difficult situations so they can identify what they need to do.

Allow your child to feel bad. Your child doesn't need to be happy all the time. Feeling angry, sad, or scared can be part of the healing process. However, it's important that your child not stay stuck in a bad mood. When emotions are interfering with their ability to function well, encourage kids to use coping skills.

Praise your child. When you notice your child using coping skills, provide praise. Say, "I saw you taking some bubble breaths on the playground today. Nice job calming yourself down." Letting your child know that you saw them use their skills reinforces their importance.

Discuss strategies. Help children learn to identify which strategies work best for them. Ask questions like, "Did coloring help you feel better?" The goal is to encourage your child to identify what works and what doesn't when they are feeling stressed, frustrated, or overwhelmed.

Watch for escapism. Any coping skill can become unhealthy if it's overused. But it's equally important to be aware of how much time your child is spending on electronics. Screen time can become a means of escapism that helps your child avoid problems, rather than cope with them.

When your child makes a mistake-such as breaking an object out of anger or opting out of something they wanted to do because of nerves-use it as a teaching opportunity. Help your kids sharpen their skills so they feel better equipped to deal with discomfort in the future.

A Word From Verywell

Developing strong coping skills takes time and patience. Don't expect your kids to use these strategies effectively right out of the gate. It will take them a little time to determine what works and what doesn't. Additionally, they may find that some coping strategies are more useful than others. So, don't try to force them into a mold. Instead, empower them to choose what works best for them.

If you think your child or your teen is being negatively impacted by stress or is having trouble coping with difficult situations, talk to your pediatrician. Your child's doctor can offer suggestions as well as make a referral to a mental health professional if one is needed.

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Kids experience a vast array of feelings, just as adults do. They can feel bored, anxious, sad, disappointed, embarrassed, and scared-to name a few. While most of us experience any number of emotions from day to day, we are not necessarily taught how to deal with them or how to cope.

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Disaster Distress Helpline
1-800-985-5990
or text TalkWithUS for English
or text Hablanos for Spanish

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255 - English
888-628-9454 Spanish

Crisis Text Line
text HOME to 741741

National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233
text LOVEIS to 22522

National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4453 or send a text

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Free Educational Apps, Games, and Websites

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Common Sense Media editors help you choose Free Educational Apps, Games, and Websites. Educational goodies that won't break the bank.

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To find what you need quickly, sort the practices by age level and duration.

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As the Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) continues to spread, schools around the world are rapidly pivoting to support children's health and well-being. As districts shift to online learning, parents, educators and school leaders are searching for ways to continue prioritizing children's social and emotional development at home.

Our team at Inside SEL has put together an initial list of resources, blog posts and guides to help cope during this volatile and difficult time. Our intention is to continue to add to the list as we come across more relevant content.

We encourage readers of this post to share your most helpful resources here so we can expand our shared knowledge and support as many individuals as possible.
*Reintegrating Students to In-Person Learning with SEL* Adult Self-Care Tips: Diversity, Equity & Inclusion: Parenting Resources: Resources for School Communities: Other/Miscellaneous:
For a more expansive listing of resources related to various topics within the field social and emotional learning, visit our SEL Resources page.

Published by Nick Woolf

Social-emotional learning practitioner and researcher with interests in implementation science, family engagement, educational technologies, SEL, and education policy. View all posts by Nick Woolf

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SEL Resources for Parents, Educators & School Communities Related to COVID-19

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Our team at Inside SEL has put together an initial list of resources, blog posts and guides to help cope during this volatile and difficult time. Our intention is to continue to add to the list as we come across more relevant content.

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Adding SEL to screentime

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The death of a family member, friend or other significant person is a lifelong loss for children. It is normal for children to miss the person who died and to experience grief that might come and go with different levels of intensity for some time after the death. It can be challenging to parents and caregivers to know what to do for, what to say to and how to help children who are obviously hurting. Here are a few suggestions about how to be helpful to a grieving child based on research and practice among children's grief support professionals and volunteers. It is important to note that grief reactions in children are varied, wide ranging and unique to each individual. The following suggestions will help guide you as you seek to be provide understanding and compassion to children living with grief.

Grief is a normal reaction for children to the death of someone significant. When children experience the death of a person who has played a significant role in their life, it is normal for children to struggle, whether the relationship with that person was caring and loving, or contentious and difficult. The absence of a person takes time to fully accept and even then, children may continue to miss them in their own special way. In truth, children never "get over" a person's death, but they can learn to live with the reality. Grief is not a problem we are trying to fix for a child; it is an experience they are living. Mood changes or feelings of grief, even several years out from the event, are a common part of adapting to life without someone and to the changes that come with that person's death. Children need adults to be patient with them as they adjust to these changes.

Children need to know the truth. Most parents and caregivers would agree that they would prefer that their children not have to deal with the difficult truths that might accompany a death. So, quite often we avoid words like "dead" or "die," or we shade over the truth about how a person died in a desire to protect children. Unfortunately, in doing so, we often create other problems. Although it may be challenging to share the truth about how someone died, honest answers build trust, help provide understanding and allow children to feel comfortable approaching us with questions because they know they can trust us to tell them the truth. Children know more than we think they do and by not telling the truth, we risk leaving children to process complicated information on their own, rather than with the loving adults in their lives.

Each child's grief is as unique to him or her as was their relationship with the deceased. Because of this, the way children experience and express their grief will vary for each person. Some children have a need to talk about the person who died and their feelings about it; others might not talk about the person at all; and even others, might express their grief through art, play, music or writing. In whatever way children might experience and respond to their grief, these expressions are how they are adapting to life without the physical presence of that person and adjusting to one of memories. It is important not to assume what children might be feeling about a person's death. Reactions vary from sadness, anger, fear, guilt and even relief. It is important to listen to children, meet them on their terms and come to understand their unique grief reactions.

Grieving children often feel alone and misunderstood. Many well-meaning adults avoid talking about the deceased person in fear that doing so will exacerbate the grief children are experiencing. In doing so, children might feel as though talking about or even expressing their grief is not acceptable. Also, many children feel like they are the only person who has experienced the death of someone in their life, even though there might be other friends experiencing similar circumstances. It is helpful to children when the adults in their lives provide opportunities to acknowledge the grief everyone is feeling. It is also helpful when children are able to gather with peers grieving similar situations. When children feel understood by family and friends and when they have the opportunity to express their grief in their own unique way, they feel less alone and, in turn, fare better than they would otherwise.

Children will experience grief over the death of significant people at different times throughout their lives. Many times, intense feelings of grief will last longer and come more often than we think they should. In time, as children have opportunities to express their grief, tell their stories, share their memories and process what this death means to them, they might find the intense feelings come less often. But, grief is a lifelong journey and children often experience their grief on different levels and at different times throughout their lives. When a child gets their driver's license, scores a touchdown, goes to prom or graduates from high school, they might revisit their grief in a very intense way. This extends into adulthood as well, when they have children of their own, or get married. Grief has no time limit. Allowing children to share openly about feelings can help to normalize this experience and help them find ways to deal with these powerful feelings that will come and go...and come back again throughout their lives.

Grieving children often experience personal growth as a result of their loss. Personal growth is often a by-product of going through the grief. It is important to note that personal growth does not diminish the sense of loss or grief a person feels, nor does it imply that someone's death was a positive experience. Yet, many children have reported that they are more compassionate toward others, value relationships with friends and family on a new level or experience a greater sense of appreciation for life after the death of someone.

Grieving children feel less alone when they are with other c hildren who have experienced the death of a significant person and when they have loving, consistent adults in their lives. Greater than any education, information or advice we can give to children who are grieving is to allow children who are grieving to connect with other children going through a similar experience. When children have the opportunity to interact with one another, they feel less alone. It is also important for children to have adults in their lives who provide a safe environment that is consistent, teaches resilience and encourages accountability, while allowing children the freedom to express their grief. Research has shown that one of the top indicators of how well children will do after the death of a significant person in their life is directly related to the type of relationship they have with the surviving adult(s) in their lives and how well these adults are able to cope with their own grief.

Knowledge is Power. You do not have to be alone as the parent or caregiver of a grieving child. There are many resources available via the internet and in the form of grief support for your child. You can find children's grief support programs near you at www.ChildrenGrieve.org and you can find encouragement and answers to some of your questions at the following websites:

www.dougy.org
www.hellogrief.org
www.achildingrief.com

Copyright © 2013 by National Alliance for Grieving Children. All rights reserved. You can quote, link to, re-post or translate this article, in its entirety, as long as you include the author name and a working link back to this website. www.ChildrenGrieve.org

References
Silverman, Phyllis R., Madelyn, Kelly (2009) A Parent's Guide to Raising Grieving Children. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.
Worden, William J. (1996) Children and Grief: When a Parent Dies. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Schuurman, Donna (2003) Never the Same: Coming to Terms with the Death of a Parent. New York, NY: St. Martin's Press.
Emswiler, Mary Ann, Emswiler, James P. (2000) Guiding Your Child through Grief. New York, NY: Bantam Books.
Tedeschi, Richard, Calhoun, Lawrence G. (1999) Facilitating Post Traumatic Growth. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc.
Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth (1969) On Death and Dying. New York, NY: Scribner.

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The death of a family member, friend or other significant person is a lifelong loss for children. It is normal for children to miss the person who died and to experience grief that might come and go with different levels of intensity for some time after the death.

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Reduce Student Anxiety (and Your Own) During Uncertain Times | Common Sense Education

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Tips and resources for news literacy, media balance, and healthy communication.