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When you take your first leadership role, or find yourself at the helm of a new team, first impressions are essential to get right. (Sorry to have to add even more pressure to what is already a challenging situation, but the reality is that thanks to the way human brains are wired, impressions are very, very hard to undo.) Come across the wrong way in those early days of working together, and the odds are good that you will be dealing with the negative consequences of that for a long time to come.

Decades of research on perception points to three key mistakes to avoid. I would call them "rookie mistakes," but honestly, these are mistakes that many managers make - even seasoned ones.

Mistake # 1: Act like you know (and can do) everything.

Intuitively, most people assume that being really confident is key to making the right impression as a new leader. However, according to psychologist Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, author of Confidence, overconfidence is a very dangerous thing. It can lead you to be underprepared, to set unrealistic goals that can't be reached, and to generally make bad choices. To make matters worse, when your apparent confidence seems to exceed your competence, you are likely to be the object of derision and scorn. After all, what would you think of someone who routinely bites off more than he can chew, and claims to know more than he actually does? Would you want to follow such a leader? Chamorro-Premuzic's research finds that overconfident people tend to be unpopular - and given how annoying it is to hear someone talk the talk without walking the walk, that's really not surprising.

If, instead, you convey a more realistic sense of confidence, people will see you more positively. In fact, Chamorro-Premuzic argues that if you exhibit some modesty with respect to your skills and abilities, people will add, on average, 20-30% to their estimate of your competence. Toot your own horn too much, and they'll subtract the same amount.

So don't pretend to have all the answers, own up to what you don't know, and ask questions. Your team will think you smarter for it.

Mistake # 2: Be too businesslike.

Too many new managers - especially those who are now managing their former peers - fear that being warm will make them look weak. But if you want to get your team's best effort, and all the information you need from them to make good decisions, you are going to need them to trust you. And in order to figure out if you are trustworthy, people will tune in to two particular aspects of your character, right from the get go - your warmth and your competence.

Your warmth - being friendly, kind, loyal, empathetic - is taken as evidence that you have good intentions toward your team member. If you are warm, you are probably someone who has their back. If you are cold, you could turn on them at any moment.

Your competence - being intelligent, creative, skilled, effective - is taken as evidence that you can act on your intentions if you want to. Incompetent leaders can't be counted on, even when they mean well.

So to be trusted, you will need to appear both warm and competent, as research by Harvard's Amy Cuddy and others has found. The trouble is, most people - often unconsciously - assume that being warm makes them look less competent. In fact research shows that when people are trying to appear warm and friendly, they give compliments, make kind gestures, are generally agreeable, and encourage others to talk (i.e., they are good listeners). But when they want to appear competent, they do the opposite - speaking rather than listening, focusing the conversation on their own accomplishments and abilities, and challenging the opinions of others as a demonstration of their own expertise.

This is an entirely unnecessary tradeoff. The reality is, you don't have to "play dumb" to seem warm, and you don't have act like a jerk to seem competent. Engaging in "warm" behaviors like appreciating and affirming others, actively listening, and having empathy take nothing away from your reputation as a skilled and capable leader.

Mistake #3: Let them see the crazy.

Years ago I remember watching an episode of Scrubs in which one character told her friend that she worried she could no longer "hide the crazy" from the man she was dating. By "hiding the crazy," she meant keeping a lid on all of the impulses and quirks she had a hard time controlling - like her irrational germaphobia, and her tendency to blurt out what she was thinking with very little filter.

Every human being has their own "crazy" - the temptations, impulses, and bad habits we struggle not to give in to, even though we know that they are socially unacceptable or self-destructive. But even though the crazy is part and parcel of the human experience, don't advertise yours.

This might seem oddly old-fashioned in an era when leaders are encouraged to be authentic and show vulnerability, when offices are more casual than they've ever been, and even massive organizations refer to themselves as families. But this doesn't mean that anything goes. The research is clear: we don't trust people who appear to lack willpower or self-control.

If you think about it, this makes a lot of intuitive sense. We trust leaders when we can be confident that they can resist temptation in order to do what's right. And that, as everyone knows, takes self-control.

Studies show that people who publicly engage in behaviors that are indicative of low self-control - like smoking, overeating, impulsive spending, or being lazy, chronically late, disorganized, excessively emotional, or quick to anger - are consistently rated as less trustworthy. These sorts of foibles may make us human, but they don't help us as leaders.

The best possible solution is obviously to get a handle on your problem and rid yourself of your bad habit once and for all. Maybe knowing that your team might trust you less because of it will give you the extra bit of motivation you need to tackle the challenge. But even the best possible solution will probably take some time. No one rids themselves of bad habits overnight, or with ease. In the meantime, do what you can to keep your self-control issues private.

So, to make the right impression on your new team, remember these three simple rules: 1) Be modest, 2) Be warm, and 3) Hide the crazy. If you can do that, you are very likely to end up with a loyal and effective team that is willing to work together and follow your lead.

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3 Ways Managers Start Off On the Wrong Foot

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When you take your first leadership role, or find yourself at the helm of a new team, first impressions are essential to get right. (Sorry to have to add even more pressure to what is already a challenging situation, but the reality is that thanks to the way human brains are wired, impressions are very, very hard to undo.)

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To do someone a good turn                                                

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To do someone a good turn                                                

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Meaning: To do something that helps, aids, or benefits another person.
Example: If you do someone a good turn, they are much more likely to help you in the future. John did me a good turn last year, so I'd like to return the favor somehow.

Camila Martínez

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To have a crush on someone (Moira Flynn)

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To have a crush on someone (Moira Flynn)

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to have a feeling of romantic love for someone, especially someone you do not know well

a guy in my class that I’m crushing on

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(Camila Arce)
meaning: Regarded favorably by one; thought of kindly or approvingly by one.
example: If you want to get in the teacher's good books, try to participate more in class.

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Meaning: to become unpleasant or less enjoyable. To be unsuccessful, or not develop in a satisfactory way.

https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/turn+sour
https://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/go-turn-sour

Examples:
- "If health-and-safety negotiations turn sour, that could be a precursor to even more headbutting on more contentious topics."

https://www.nbcsports.com/chicago/cubs/players-association-responds-mlb-health-proposal-negotiations-continue

- The relationship turned sour over a financial dispute.

Gisele Albo

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To get on like a house on fire (Rocio Núñez)

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To get on like a house on fire (Rocio Núñez)

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Meaning: When two people like each other very much and become friends very quickly.
Example: I was worried that they wouldn't like each other but in fact they're getting on like a house on fire.

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Significado de GET ON LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE en el Diccionario Cambridge inglés

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get on like a house on fire Significado, definición, qué es get on like a house on fire: 1. If two people get on like a house on fire, they like each other very much and become friends.... Aprender más.

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to be at each other's throats (Rocío Núñez)

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to be at each other's throats (Rocío Núñez)

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Meaning:  if two people are at each other’s throats, they are arguing in an angry way
Example: As soon as politics comes up, they’ll be at each other’s throats.

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be at each other’s throats (phrase) definition

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BE AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS (phrase) definition and synonyms | Macmillan Dictionary

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Define BE AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS (phrase) and get synonyms. What is BE AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS (phrase)? BE AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS (phrase) meaning, pronunciation and more by Macmillan Dictionary

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To have a crush on someone [Rocio Dilger]

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To have a crush on someone [Rocio Dilger]

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Meaning: To have a feeling of romantic love for someone, especially a person you do not know well.

Example: Wendy had a crush on a boy in her class.

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Meaning: to support someone or stay with them even in the most difficult times
Example: My friends have supported me through thick and thin.

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Significado de HAVE IT IN FOR SOMEONE en el Diccionario Cambridge inglés

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have it in for someone Significado, definición, qué es have it in for someone: infml to be determined to criticize or harm someone: . Aprender más.

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Meaning: to remove the bad feelings between people

Example: Employer's Liability During Lockdown – Need To Clear The Air!

Source:
https://www.livelaw.in/columns/employers-liability-during-lockdown-need-to-clear-the-air-157065
Mariana Sabelli

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To be on the same wavelength as.. (Franco Raisman)

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To be on the same wavelength as.. (Franco Raisman)

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Meaning: Having a special connection with someone. Being able to easily talk, interact and understand one another.

Example: Even though we had just met, it was as if we were on the same wavelength.

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to have a particular fondness or affection for someone. "I think my teacher has a soft spot for me"

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meaning:
if you have a soft spot for someone or something, you feel a great deal of affection for them or like them a lot.
source: https://www.collinsdictionary.com/es/diccionario/ingles/to-have-a-soft-spot-for-someone

example:
“Something we’ve seen time and time again is that the public is very forgiving of someone they have a soft spot for”
source: https://boston.cbslocal.com/2020/05/21/lori-loughlin-husband-mossimo-giannulli-guilty-plea-college-admissions-scam-prison/

Fátima Parisi

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Meaning: To persistently desire to cause harm or harass someone, especially because of a grudge. To be determined to criticize or harm someone.
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/es/diccionario/ingles/have-it-in-for-someone.
Example: The teacher always calls out to me when I talk in class even though other students are talking too. I think he has it in for me.
Julieta Ferrari

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Belén Villalba

Meaning: to have a very high opinion of someone or something; if you think the world of someone, you like them or care about them very much

Similar to: think highly of someone/something

Examples:
- "I think the world of him, but something tells me it's not love."
- "Would you mind if I got an autograph? My son thinks the world of your writing."

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Melina Echeverría

Meaning: To have one's relationship with someone completely diminished, due to an argument or unpleasant incident.

Example: She'd fallen out with her boyfriend over his ex-girlfriend.

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Meaning: To begin a relationship or project badly.
Origin; Many people believe that it originated in the military. When soldiers march they need to always stay ‘in step’ with each other and to do this, they need to start marching with the same foot. If a soldier starts off on the ‘wrong’ foot, he will be out of step with everyone else. Others believe the phrase started being used due to the superstition that when getting out of bed, it is unlucky to put your left foot on the floor first.
Example: “I really don’t want us to get off on the wrong foot so let’s be honest with each other from the start.”

https://hbr.org/2015/10/3-ways-managers-start-off-on-the-wrong-foot

Agustina Appierto

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The phrase no love lost has interesting origins. In the sixteenth century, no love lost could mean that the couple either hated each other equally or loved each other equally. Unrequited love was considered love lost, so if two people’s sentiments matched in intensity and amount of regard, whether love or hate, then there was no love lost. Around the year 1800, the term no love lost began to refer only to a situation in which there is ill will between two people.

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meaning: to become friendly with someone again after a disagreement
link: https://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/bury-the-hatchet
example:  Afghan rivals bury the hatchet, enter into power-sharing deal
link: https://www.bignewsnetwork.com/news/265115443/afghan-rivals-bury-the-hatchet-enter-into-power-sharing-deal
origin: The phrase comes from a ceremony performed by Native American tribes when previously warring tribes declared peace. When two tribes decided to settle their differences and live in harmony, the chief of each tribe buried a war hatchet in the ground to signify their agreement.
Link: https://grammarist.com/idiom/bury-the-hatchet/

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Meaning: Cannot tolerate or like someone a lot
Example:  "Ugh, I can't stand obnoxious people who always have to dominate the conversation"
Source: Macmillian Dictionary

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Meaning: To dislike someone so much to the point of hatred.

Example: He hated his ex-girlfriend's guts

Julian Gori

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Meaning: To agree fully with someone, or to have the same opinion as them
Example: It's good to have a team member who sees eye to eye with you on most things
Origin: the origin of the idiom 'see eye to eye' is quite old; in fact, it’s ancient and is found in the Bible.
Sofía Novak

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Adriana Fernandez
Meaning: Someone that is willing to listen to your problems and give you sympathy, emotional support and encouragement.
Example: "I wish you´d been here when my mother died and I needed a shoulder to cry on."

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meaning:
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Origin/meaning:
It is one of many similar phrases that we use to describe things that are not in their usual state - 'upside-down', 'topsy-turvy', 'topple up tail', etc.

Source: https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/head-over-heels.html

Example: Meghan King Edmonds is 'head over heels in love' with new man Christian Schauf and spending time with the hunky entrepreneur in Utah

Source: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-8336921/Meghan-King-Edmonds-head-heels-love-new-man-Christian-Schauf.html

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