# data[].attributes.body
Problem 1: the tone of this article is not appropriate for using too many ‘i’ to be less objective
Solution: Use more nouns
Problem 2 : The reliability of the data and the way to present
Solution: not to use ‘too many’, but quoting the data
Problem 3

# data[].attributes.body
1.(line 9) put it into -> transform it into
2. (line 8) which is terrific (delete)
3.(line 12) to say (delete)
4.(line 21) don't have any -> have little
5.(line 24) never -> rarely
6.(line 29) In a nutshell -> In short
7.(line 22) undoubtedly -> often

# data[].attributes.body
1. The unprofessional and informal tone, like “they don’t,” / “which is terrific!”
2. The usage of first-person pronoun, like “I”.
3. No reference made.
4. A nonchalant expression of personal sentiments, like “which is terrific”.
5. Arguments made in the Analysis section lack proof.
6. Using questions as topic sentences

# data[].attributes.body
Problem 1: ..., which is a really huge sample (line 7) --> too subjective
Solution 1: delete the phrases

Problem 2: "many people" (line 1), "lots of students" (line 4) --> no evidence support
Solution 2: Add data to support the ideas

Problem 3: Use first person "I"
Solution 3: Use passive voice and third person

Problem 4: Use abbreviations, such as "EdU"(line 1),  "don't" (line 2), "I'd"(line 10), "I've"(line 17), "Let's" (line 18) --> No formality
Solution 4: Use full phrase

Problem 5: "The questionnaire asked ... When they filled in the questionnaire," (line 12 - 13)
Solution 5: The respondents were required to circle a number from 1 to 6 to respond how often they use English.

Problem6: "really huge terrific!" (line 8), "biggest survey" (line 8), "not surprising" (line 25) --> subjective adjectives
Solution6: use objective words

Problem 7: "As you can see, .... People in HK can't speak English" (line 24 - 26) --> stereotype/ subjective opinion)
Solution 7: use data as references and provide objective idea

Problem 8: Use of idioms, e.g. "First and foremost" (line 18), "In a nutshell" (line 29-30)
Solution 8: Use other phrases, e.g. "Firstly/ First of all," and "To conclude/ to summarize..."

# data[].attributes.body
Problem 1:  the subject "I"
Solution 1: use passive voice
Problem 2:  line 6 "did"
Solution 2: use "conduct"
Problem 3: The sentence in line 7 "In fact, this is...terrific!"
Solution 3: should be deleted
Problem 4: Line 12 " The questionnaire asked the students to say"
Soultion 4: should be rewritten as " The students were asked to answer"
Problem 5:  Line 14 "The students had to circle"
Soultion 5: The students were required to circle"
Problem 6: "very much" is too informal
Solution 6: use "frequently"
Problem 7: Line 21 " This is undoubtedly" is grammatically wrong and too assertive
Solution 7: use " Probably"
Problem 8: The tone is too assertive
Solution 8: be tentative

# data[].attributes.body
Problem 1: (line2) wanted
Solution 1: change to "would like"
Problem 2: (line1) because
Solution 2 : it's better not to use " because"    but replaced by" it was because"/ because of" in the beginning
Problem 3: (line 10) I'd like
Solution 3: I would like
Problem4: o
veruse of subjective  words
Solution 4: better to use neutral words
Problem5: no enough evidences to support the results
Solution5: using more data and references
from other profesionnal reports.

# data[].attributes.body
Problem 1: (line 10) I'd
Solution 1:  I would

Problem 2: Use first person
Solution 2: Use third person instead

Problem 3: (line 25) too subjective
Solution 3

Problem 4: (line27-29) but...even though
Solution 4: cannot use it in the same sentence

# data[].attributes.body
Problem1：line1 Many people
Solution：exact proportion of people
Problem2：line2 wanted to
Solution：would like
Problem3：line4 lots of
Solution:same problem as 1
Problem4：line7-8 emotional sentences
Solution4:delete it
Problem5：too subjective
Solution5: use passive voice
Problem6:line25 as we all know？
Solution:actually we don't
Problem7:logic thing

# data[].attributes.body
Problem 1: (line 3) to do a survey
Solution 1: conduct a survey

Problem 2: (line 3) worked out a questionnaire
Solution 2: created a questionnaire

Problem 3:  (line 9) looked closely
Solution 3: analyzed

Problem 4:  (line 8) terrific
Solution 4: Considerable

Problem 5 : (line 9) put it into
Solution 5: convert

Problem 6: (line 15) means
Solution 6: shows/demonstrates/reveals

Problem 7: (line 22) undoubtedly=adv
Solution 7: undoubted=adj

Problem 8: (line 27) wasn't very good
Solution 8: was flawed

Problem 9: (line 29-30) In a nutshell
Solution 9: To summarize/ In conclusiongt6y.ihjum

# data[].attributes.body
Problem 1: should not include personal insights.
Problem 2: Using short forms( don't )
Solution 2 : change to do not
problem 3:  did not analyse all-roundedly
Problem 4 : (line 22) too subjective
Problem 5: Wordings are too absolute (undoubtedly, obviously)

# data[].attributes.body
Problem 1: Using I as the subject
Solution 1: Passive voice
Problem 2: Using short forms
Solution 2:  Full name
Problem 3: Overgeneralisation (Old people in Hong Kong can't speak English)
Solution 3: Don't use can't but may
Problem 4: Too many short sentences without linkage
Solution 4: Use more connectives
Problem 5: Exaggerating facts (Biggest survey of its kind ever done HK...... terrific...)
Solution 5: Delete it
Problem 6: Lack of other primary or secondary sources
Solution 6: Add it

# data[].attributes.body
problem 1: (line 18)Let's now talk about the data in figure 1.
solution: It is the time to discuss the data in figure 1.
Problem 2: (line 25) old people in Hong Kong can't speak English.
Solution: most old people in Hong Kong possible can't speak English well.
Problem 3: (line 22)This is undoubtedly ....
solution 3: This is possible...
Problem 4: EdU students never speak to their grandparents in English.
Solution 4:

# data[].attributes.body
Problem 1: Conduct personal emotions (line 8)
Solution 1: The amount of the data received was far more than expected.
Problem 2: The usage of contractions
Problem 3: Tone (line 23)
Solution 3: Use formal writing by using passive voice
Problem 4: being biased on elderly
Solution 4: be objective and delete the whole sentence accusing them for not being able to speak English at home.

# data[].attributes.body
Problem 1: (line 1) Do not use "Because" at the start of a sentence.
Solution 1: Instead, use "Since".

Problem 2: Do not use "I" as the subject of the sentence.
Solution 2: Use the passive voice. E.g. (line 2-8) To find out, a survey was done in April 2011. A questionnaire was handed out and filled in by a total of 707 students from eight departments.

Problem 3: Lack of conciseness in language and accuracy
Solution 3: Get to the point directly. E.g. (line 9) After analyzing, a number of figures were put together.

# data[].attributes.body
Problem 1: using contraction eg. don't
Solution: full phrase
Problem 2: poor organization
Solution: add title, sub-title, summary
Problem 3: not making good use of all the data (only points out the data about the grandparents and oversea holidays)
solution 3: grouping the data into different aspects (family, friends)
Problem 4: too subjective (I think)
Solution 4: use more passive voice to avoid using too much "I" (eg. I decided to do a survey--> The survey is conducted) / gerund(eg. knowing that...) to replace

# data[].attributes.body
Problem 1:
Solution 1:
Problem 2:
Solution 2