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Analaura León Aguirre A01275647

Xiomara Núñez Rodríguez

Tecnológico de Monterrey Campus Guadalajara

Evidence 2: The Lernaenan Hydra

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Your cause: surviving college

Your weapon: Books

Your inspiration: Nina Lacour (a writer)

Your virtues: perseverance, curiosity, passion and creativity

Your spiritual guide: The Universe

The known world: High school way of working

Temptations: Leisure activities

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During vacations I completely forgot about college, but just when Tec sent me the first welcome email of university I started to feel very scared. I hadn't considered that high school was over and there was no going back, I feel really unprepared and afraid of this new phase in my life, but it was too late to change the decision. So since I had no other way, I let myself go with whatever that was going to happen.

One of the biggest problems I had was that I couldn't visit the campus, since I live six hours from Guadalajara so each of my classes needed to be online. Therefore when I started classes I was scared of the new atmosphere, because I couldn't contact anyone, making friends was really difficult and the anxiety didn't go away.

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Crossing the first threshold/Hydra 2: Loneliness

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Crossing the first threshold/Hydra 2: Loneliness

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During the first block there wasn't much problem, everything went well and I really enjoyed the classes. Although with the first teamwork that I had, I began to struggle finding someone who wanted me on their team, since I hadn't made any friends. Also I didn't count with any way of support. I found out all by myself. I was discovering the subjects, blocks and weeks alone. Sometimes I really wanted to go back to my world with my old friends, the program of high school that was very familiar and the things that I liked to do, but there was no way to go back, since everything had taken different directions. Maybe the career is starting to prepare yourself for the job that you are passionate about, but there was nothing exciting about what I did, I was starting to feel lonely and every single aspect of school became a terrible burden.

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The belly of the whale/Hydra 3: Self-demand

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The belly of the whale/Hydra 3: Self-demand

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At this point I was getting a bit used to being alone, but the projects of the first block were already beginning, which became my obstacles. I was taking a photography block and the project wasn't as easy as I thought, so I was in a hurry to do it. I would go from one place to another with my camera, then I would come home to continue with other assignments and I tried to make sure everything was perfect. When I managed to to take the last photo of the photography project I fell terribly from the stairs. It wasn't a terrible hit, but I started crying a lot because in more than a month I didn't allow myself to stop and process the feelings of being alone or the anxiety that I had. I didn't rest for a single moment because I was very invested in school stuff, so the fall was my breaking point and a possible warning that I had to give myself some time to rest. The grades weren't bad after all, but it cost me a wound on the hip that I will never forget.

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Women as Temptation/Hydra 4: Distractions

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Women as Temptation/Hydra 4: Distractions

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When I passed the belly of the whale, I felt like a new person so I started to do some activities that I've stopped to do. Such as reading, talking to my friends, drawing and watching movies.I tried to relax but thanks to this I began to forget my responsibilities and every day that passed my mind tried to achieve some of these leisure activities, even if it was time to study or do homework. This was like the stage of temptations, although they weren't bad I really needed to draw or watch some program so I could be relaxed and start the assignments.But it took a really great effort of me to continue with my obligations because I didn't wanted to confront any aspects of my reality and I was causing myself a lot of anxiety. The only way I could stop this was punishing myself saying that I wasn't going to approve if I keep with these distractions.

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After controlling my distractions and passing the first block I felt a little calmer.In these new period I started to surpass some obstacles like making friends, all thanks to my appreciation for anime some people started asking about the series I've watched and that really made me happy an made me realized that the things I am passionate about can be good but I shouldn't abuse of it.

When I stopped worrying about friends, I was facing certain bad habits that I started to develop from all the Hydras that I had been through. I didn't exercise,I didn't bathe often, and I even forgot to brush my teeth. Thanks to the fact that everything was going more calmly I gave myself the time to see for me and be a little more cheerful than before. I also enjoyed being with my new friends and learning from their experiences through this semester.

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Encounter with the goddess/Hydra 6: Lack of confidence

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Encounter with the goddess/Hydra 6: Lack of confidence

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Even though everything was going well, I had certain moments when I didn't feel very good about myself. I also didn't spend a lot of time with my family and didn't enjoy the little outings that I had with my friends, since I felt really depressed and my mind just focused in the negative things.I didn't like to feel this way. It is at this moment almost about to finish the second block that I saw myself a little more focused on the spiritual world so I could find something that I can believe and be supported by.

I didn't believe in the Christian God that my parents believe, therefore this part of my life was really strange. I was looking for my religion by myself. But this helped me in a way to have confidence in myself, which was something that I really needed. Before entering university I went with two different psychologists to take care of my mental health.I was quickly discharged because I was recovering well, but I didn't believe that I was really recovered and that was probably what I was missing. Then during the course of October I discovered a person who helped me discover that confidence that I needed, beyond a new religion or something like that. I regained my faith in myself and that is why this was my stage of an encounter with the goddess, since her words helped me to continue with my path.

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Path of trials/Hydra 7: Internal Conflict

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Path of trials/Hydra 7: Internal Conflict

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Feeling more secure with myself, I started questioning some aspects of my life.Being who I am isn't something that depressed me much less, but I don't know if the people I love are ready for it. I have known for 6 years that I am bisexual. I have never done anything about it. I have not gone out with anyone and I have only told my friends. There wasn't a problem with it. However since I don't go out with them much now and at this age I want to give myself the opportunity to go on dates and meet people like me. But for all that to happen, I needed to tell my parents and how it isn't something "normal" in society I was beginning to question if that is really my sexuality. But there were also other much more important problems like the fact that next year I had to return to face-to-face classes and had to go seeing how my independent life was going to be It wasn't the best time to have go out of the closet, so that problem just added more stress to me.

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Reconciliation with the father/ Hydra 8: Family Problems

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Reconciliation with the father/ Hydra 8: Family Problems

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At the end I didn't go out of the closet, but there was a really big problem with the thing of moving to other city. I didn't feel prepared. After all this time being trapped in my house I realized I can't handle more than 3 things at the same time, so if there were stuff that I was going to do as an independent person maybe I will end up very burn out and worse than I am now. However, one whole semester without studying wasn't going to be easy for my parents to process it. But I was very sure that I needed to learn some basic skills for an almost stable independent life and I have a horrible mental health to balance school and other stuff.

So with not so much confidence I talked with my parents, they were really taken aback at first, then they were mad but with some time of reflection they understood. At least my mom did, but my father didn't like the idea because of the economic point, but I really thought it was something more because he looked disappointed more than worried. However a week later he completely understood and told me he supported me in all this new path.

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After the talk and all the problems I had with my parents I was having a battle with school again, and now I couldn't organize myself for doing the projects and everything that was needed to do. I was in need for a break from the talk I had with my parents so my mind didn't want to concentrate, then the work started to accumulate. I knew I could balance break times and homework, but instead I procrastinated.

So one weekend before the last week of college I went through some spiritual reflection with my guide, so that time was like an occasion to relax and have more energy for all those projects I hadn't done. Maybe I felt a little anxious for not doing school work in that time, but I let myself loosen up because I needed it.

As an apotheosis part I discovered how much power I give to school to the point it defined me. So the last week I really motivated myself to take the control of this time and do just what is enough, because I can't do every work perfect like I'd push me to do and my brain can't handle too much at the same time.

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This last stage I have been preparing to unsubscribe and take it easy. Many people I admire have said that university takes time and some didn't start with it until years later. As well as I have read many books that deal with this topic. Sometimes school isn't all there is to life. So now I'm starting this last phase of the last grace so I can reach my goal of freeing myself from school, start working on myself a little bit more and discover what I need to be independent. But, before I can make it I have to battle with projects and exams.

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