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How has media/technology impacted your life?

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How has media/technology impacted your life?

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Since I was born in 2004, media/technology has been in my life for a very long time. In various ways, it has influenced my life, both in negative and positive ways.
Some of the positives include media. It has influenced me to find things that I am interested in. Such as painting, art, certain fashion styles, things that relate to what I can base my fashion style on, etc. As well as I have gotten to experience communities that are along with shows and books I like a lot. I actually found my current favorite author through the internet/technology/media (Ellen Hopkins). I got into new genres as well.
However, I have also experienced a lot of negative things through this as well. Regarding fashion and the fashion that I have enjoyed wearing, I got insecure about my body. As I see other people on the internet and it makes me question myself and think about societal beauty standards. It was complicated for me as I never felt as though I fit into the societal expectations on how I should look, dress, feel, etc. So it has been hard when I feel insecure and I dress up in just comfy clothes every day. Even though I want to express myself and the things I enjoy but I get concerned that I may not be pretty enough or have the ideal body type that other people like. So it took me a very long time to be able to feel somewhat comfortable wearing what I please. Even though I ideally don't want to, realistically I focus a bit on the norm of gender and societal beauty standards.

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How have your views of gender been shaped by society? 

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How have your views of gender been shaped by society? 

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What is the most important "thing" in your life? why?

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What is the most important "thing" in your life? why?

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An example of the clothing style I enjoy

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Truthfully being successful means a lot to me. It is one of my most valuable things. Down below will be a list of examples using the phrase "I knew I made it when" regarding being successful.
1. I knew I made it when all day every day of freshman and sophomore year I stayed up until two in the morning a good amount of nights crying because I was tired but I felt the great need to be successful and make the people around me proud of me. I couldn't see myself having missing assignments or doing an assignment poorly. So I stayed up really late and work on things all day until I was so mentally drained that I didn't want to see anyone or go out of the house anymore. But my GPA was 4.5 and most of my grades were honestly really good so whatever.
2. I knew I made it when my honors 10 English teachers put me in AP English language and composition. It only felt good to me when I found that out. Since in my opinion going into AP felt like another step, like standard, then honors, and then AP. So it made me feel smart when I saw that and it made me feel successful. I used to really love English so I had been looking forward to joining the class. Prior to me actually having the first day of class this year.
3. I knew I made it when I was told by one of my managers that I have never gotten a complaint from any of my co-workers. I've also never been told that I had gotten a complaint from a customer either. I have been working at Culver's for pretty much a year now, so I'd assume that I would have gotten at least one complaint by now. But I have not gotten any complaints yet. Which makes me feel like a successful worker and a good employee to my team as well. To be completely honest I would've thought that I would've gotten a complaint as I definitely have had some harder times with some guests that had come into our establishment. As I value being a good employee to my co-workers and a good server to the guests who come in.

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This is my 11th year of being enrolled at school, going on to be my 12th in like 4 months I believe. So it is safe to say that school has had a lot of influence on how I am now. It has changed me a lot for both the better and for the worse. Over the years I have had some events that will stick with me for a long time. A positive I can list is when I moved from North Aurora to here. Which was stressful since I was leaving the few friends that I had in North Aurora. But it did influence how I socialize with others. Since then I have made many new friends and learned how to socialize on my own without feeling too nervous (there will always of course be some nervousness there). Moving was in elementary school, and that is the only thing I can remember from back then. Then in middle school, it was basically just a cluster of negative events. I got into the middle school drama that actually made me step back a lot by socializing with others. I just stayed around the friends that I had back then. The school was very stressful and I ended up going to a psych ward for the first time. This was definitely a big failure as I was at a very very low point in my life. It made me fall back into a hole and I honestly didn't want to talk to anybody or do school anymore. Even though in eighth grade I went back to the psych ward. I had some amazing teachers who taught me both academically and socially. The one that sticks out the most is Mr. Gabel. He was the absolute best teacher on the entire planet. He of course taught me academically, but he also was always there for me. Which taught me trust, as I really did trust him. I knew if I ever needed anything I could always go and talk to him. He gave me a lot of opportunities as well. Like because of him I would have never done stats for the wrestling team. I got to experience a lot of joy during that and I do sometimes wish I could go back. I gained some confidence in talking to people who intimidated me, as almost every single person on that team intimidated me at first. I am very glad I got to experience that.
This then leads me to high school, which has just been my biggest downfall. I pushed myself too much for the first two years, to the point that I just felt deteriorated by the end of every day. It was very back and I needed to keep to myself all the time. I hated everything, and I didn't really want to see anyone anymore. I was so focused on school that seeing people and going places felt like it would lead me to an automatic failure in school. I was really big about making sure I kept a 4.0 or higher GPA. That was the most important thing to me during that time. This year I have unfortunately relaxed a bit, and I say unfortunately due to the fact that I now feel as though I am a failure. So all in all, I don't believe school is important. School cares more about the work than the student. Schools make students want to drop out, as I can say from personal feelings. We don't need algebra unless you are going into a math-led field. However, I am not so the school has felt basically useless throughout my entirety of being a high school student. The only truly helpful class I have taken has been economics. Since it teaches me what I will need to know for when I am off on my own. But the school has not taught me how to pay bills, how to work with cars, how to rent an apartment and that process, college-based thoughts, ect.

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Gender norms and expectation I feel like has been shoved into my face since I was young. Not because my parents are strictly followers of gender norms. But from media and school. I have felt expected to wear feminine clothes, wear makeup, have my hair long, wear jewelry, do well in school, ect. I have been communicating that I should look pretty and not visually seem like a tomboy. That since I am a girl I have high expectations that I will do well in school, that I will be clean and not make messes, ect. I just have felt pressure under the stereotypical role of women that I am supposed to be fitting into. But I have never ideally wanted that. Of course I do personally dress femininely however, I do not understand what is so bad about being masculine. I have a personal preference for that as well. I don't want to feel as though my room has to be cleaned every single second of everyday. I want to be able to be lazy and relaxed and not have to worry that I am going to get bashed based on my cleanliness levels. Though I don't believe I try to follow the beauty expectation relating to gender norms, as it is my personal preference on how I present myself. I don't believe I intentionally follow any gender norms because I have to. If I do it is because it is just my preference.

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A more feminine outfit that would fit into the gender expectation/beauty standards

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I can't set my finger on just one thing so I am going to make a list of a few.
1. Friends
Although friends come and go they do mean a great deal to me. My best friend, Brianna, means a great deal to me. She has been my best friend for the past five years. We have had many ups and downs. But since she has stuck with me, I know that she means more to me than a lot of things in life. She has always been here for me and supported me even when she was not obligated to. She truly is a really good friend. She has changed me a lot. She has opened my eyes to things that are healthy for me (like toxic relationships), and she just always manages to have a good influence on me even in bad situations.
2. S/O
Of course, my boyfriend Charlie and I are in a high school relationship and that might not seem like much. He is indescribably important. I have known him since we were in sixth grade, and he had been my best friend. Though we haven't been dating since sixth grade, he always has managed to be an amazing friend and S/O. He currently is very good to me, and I am grateful for that. He puts up with a lot even though he doesn't have to. He has changed me a lot since he has helped me through many harder times in my life. Of course, I want to do the same for him since he has done so much for me. He always tries to make me feel better when I am upset and tried his best to comfort me.
3. The third is my family. That consists of my mom, sister, and my mom's boyfriend. I care a lot about them, they are all really great. Although my sister can be a butt sometimes, I still love her very much. My mom is the best, she is always trying to help me when I am really upset and stressed. She is one of the most supportive people I have ever met. Similar to my mom's boyfriend, he is really funny. I love having him in the house, he is hilarious. He is also very good to my mom which is all I want for her.

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As of currently, I have almost been working at Culver's for a year, it will be a year on the 22nd. So I have had my fair share of experiences there, both negative and positive. I have learned a lot of stuff from working there. I've also had to deal with a lot of people. I was very very shy when I first started working there, but I don't feel as nervous talking to guests. Unless they are other people from our school then I do get nervous. But I have been able to put up with people even when they get really mad when things get messed up sometimes. Except for certain occasions, for example when a girl got mad because when she needed her order corrected she told me the wrong item. So when we corrected it and gave it to her she got mad again and was basically just trying to get free food. Although those situations are aggravating, I still have learned to socialize with people when I get nevour or stressed out.