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By Christopher

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By hahaha shampoo🧴

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By Gilles and Alphonse

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Hi,
I’m Christopher and i’m supposed to be your son and you’re supposed to my mother. I’m writing this letter to you because today was a super good day which means that i saw 5 red cars in a row on my way to school. But also because i didn’t know that you were writing letters to me, father told me 2 years ago , which is 730 day ago or 104,286 weeks ago and it’s 24 months ago because a year has 12 months and i just multiply it by 2 and i have the moths for 2 years, i did the same for the days but for the weeks it’s more complicated and i would like to explain it to you another day.

So in total i spend 17520 hours thinking that you were dead.

I’m starting to think that father told me a metaphor by saying that you were dead, like you were dead to him and he doesn’t want to know about you anymore, Siobhan explained this metaphor to me one day. But he knows that i don’t understand metaphors so i don’t think that this is what he meant. And that means that father has been lying to me for 2 years, but i shouldn’t tell you this because father would get angry like he did when he discovered that i was writing a book about the murder of Mrs Shears’ dog and he grabbed me and i don’t like when people grab me ,but i can’t lie, and i don’t understand how father would say something that happened that didn't happen, which violates logic since only one thing ever happens at a particular time and place.

Now since i’m not sure that you are mother, you have to take a test ( it makes me think about how i have take my A-level math test), you just have to say the right answers to my questions but it should be very easy if you really are mother.

1. Why do i hate yellow and brown?

2. What were we doing on the 4th July 1992 ? (clue: i was 9 years old)

3. What is my favorite book ?

4. Was Marilyn vos Savant right when she said that you should always change and pick the final door because the chances are 2 in 3 that there will be a car behind the door if you are on a game show on television and you have three doors and behind 2 doors there are goats behind and behind the other one there is a car ?

5. What do i do on black days ?

Now i’m waiting for your next letter but you should put it to Mrs Alexander number but i won’t say which number it is because you are supposed to know it.

It is exactly 8.20 p.m. and i have to go downstairs now because dad it’s going to find me suspicious otherwise.

Christopher.

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Mother,

I was feeling sick while reading your letters. There are a lot of thing going on in my head. Father said that you were dead and that your body burned and that you turned into ashes. And he lied to me for 2 years. Maybe at first he wanted to tell a white lie when he said that you had heart problems, because that is somehow true. But then he told me that you died. I was very sad, and now that I have found your letters, I feel disappointed, because now I know what he said isn't true and that you are alive today and not ashes as I said. I don't even understand his motives about all of the lying. I hope you are not some stranger pretending to be mother, or else I will be really angry at you. But I don't think you are, because you writing really looks like as if Mother had written to me letters, and there is not a lot of people who writes like my Mother.

There is something I don't understand. Why did you go away with Mr. Shears? Feeling alone isn't a bad thing. Just like when I go outside at 3 in the mourning and there is nobody outside so I pretend to be the only personne alive in this world. Or when I stay at home and make some maths exercices. Maybe you should try it one day because when I do I feel very happy and forgot about the bad things. So why did you go with Mr Shears when you felt alone? Father told me that Mr Shears was a very bad man. And his dog was assassinated a few days ago. I found him in his garden with a fork penetreting his body and there was a lot of blood around him. I remember I was feeling very sad when I found the body and I decided to investigate but Father didn't want me to investigate but I did it anyway. I wrote everything I was finding for my investigation in a book but Father found my book and was really mad so he had hidden the book in a box. And that is the same box I found your letters.
I really think that he was the one who murdered him. And murderers are really evil, so I think you are putting yourself in danger if you are going to live with him.

We went to the zoo with Father. Now you may not know why am I talking about the zoo but there is a link. First we saw lions and then we saw pinguins. Do you know that when pinguins choose there spouse it is for life? I don't understand why Father and you are not like pinguins. Of course you will not live in Antartic or eating little fishes all the time but we will be happy. But like the pinguins, it is the father that takes care about the children. The father can keep the egg between his legs for 30 to 50 days without let him go and educates his child. It is the same for Father. He always has been there for me and I don't understand why you left. No, I don't. You said that you couldn't change and I wanted to tell you that you were wrong. You could change and you still can. Like Sioban, she is here for me, helps me and I know that is not easy but she learned how to do this. And that is why you are wrong because you could learn and that is easy to say that you couldn't and then live. It is almost like if you didn't want to think about a solution and you decided to choose the easier way: to give up. I don't know if this is the right term for saying what I am feeling but I am sorry to see that you thought that I didn't respond to your letters because I was angry. I was not angry because I didn't know that you had written to me and I really don't know what am I feeling right now. If I am angry, sad, or lost. I really thought about what I was going to say in this letter or if I would respond to yours. But if I am saying that I didn't like the way you talked to me in the letters it would be a lie and you know how much I hate lies but I think I already said it.

I don't think it is my role to improve the reliationship between Father and you. I think that is a problem that you two have to fix and not me. I don't want to choose or being the center of a fight because you know how queasy I am with noise. I think that I told you everything that I wanted to say.

Ps: I saw in your previous letter that you wrote "lonley" and I think you meant "lonely".

Christopher.