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S.Gleason

These four things can predict a relationship failing because they aren't healthy things to do in a relationship. If you constantly do these things your relationship will end up becoming toxic and come to an end. Blaming your partner for things that you know you're in the wrong for will never make anything better. Instead just admit to your wrong doings and apologize. The ways to get out of these habits that he talked about in the video are a much better way to communicate and interact with your partner. I think this video is very important being that most people in relationships that do the four things stated, think that it is normal. Watching this video may show them how it really isn't normal and it actually is very bad for the couple. I believe this video would be very helpful for some people.

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L.Anderson-Session

Now that I know what the Four Horsemen are, I can clearly see how they showed up in my past relationships. Criticism and defensiveness were almost automatic, and I’ve been on both sides of that. Contempt stood out the most because it cut the deepest and left the relationship feeling broken. I also recognize that these same behaviors show up in my non-romantic relationships too, family, friends, even coworkers. It really speaks loudly to me because now I can catch myself before falling into those habits. I’m learning to step back, take responsibility, and communicate in ways that build trust instead of tearing it down. For me, this isn’t just about love relationships but about improving how I connect with people in every part of my life.

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Four Horsemen Problems and Solutions - J. Murphy

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Four Horsemen Problems and Solutions - J. Murphy

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The four horsemen can be predictive because they are all behaviors that threaten to damage the core foundation of any healthy relationship and create a cycle of negative behaviors that encompass blame, disrespect, grudges and interpersonal dissonance. Every healthy relationship is successful when mutual trust, connection and respect is sewn into the fabric; however, John Gottman’s four horsemen exemplify as predictive relational collapse because when someone is criticized, it makes the person feel inadequate and devalued which will lead to feelings of bitterness down the road. Sarcasm, eye-rolling or other forms of contempt will leave the person feeling disrespected. Excuses, defensiveness, dodging accountability are forms of defensiveness that will leave people feeling angry, and hopeless that the problem will ever come to a resolution. The video states “it takes time for the negativity created by the first three horsemen to result in stonewalling” and this is true, once someone feels like there is no way out of a situation, or problem, or are tired of the same arguments over and over, they will shut down or refuse to engage anymore, or disconnect from the other person. These are all negative actions, and people can only handle negativity for so long before they remove themselves from the equation or live in resentment.

Instead of criticizing your partner, a conversation of letting them know how you feel, careful to use “I” statements, is a better approach to handling the situation. Show appreciation, rather than contempt, expressing to your partner that you recognize they are busy but trying to locate a middle ground would be helpful for both of you. Rather than blaming them or avoiding taking blame, acknowledge that perhaps you are at fault for something as well and take responsibility, when necessary, instead of putting it all on them. Taking a break from the situation to gather your thoughts, and emotions and then returning to the topic or issue is much healthier than shutting down and dismissing the whole thing all together.

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Y. Nichols

These four communication styles affect a relationship and has interested me in putting them in perspective with my own relationship. Criticism and negativity is unhealthy and continuing the use of these will lead to poor self esteem and feeling of not good enough. This can easy be a repeated issue if it's not addressed and communicated in different ways.

I can relate to this. I sometimes feel overwhelmed with things, I criticize and say things negatively. Instead of saying "you could have helped with laundry" or "you never do anything." I should take a moment to think before I criticize and instead say "I just wanted a little help, I feel like I do everything around the house." After viewing this I can definitely see how these four things would ruin a relationship if the negative behaviors don't change.

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E. Almond

I found this video very interesting and am glad to have learned about these “Four Horsemen” of relationships. It is comforting to know that if true work is put in that a relationship can bounce back. But I am glad that I am now able to see and recognize if any of them come up in my own relationships and try and do my best to fix things and create better communication. However, to answer the question of how they can predict the end of a relationship. I think they can do this because as it seems from the video if you are at the point where these things are popping up it means that communication has almost gone past the point of being corrected and worked upon in the relationship if gone unnoticed. Turning the relationship toxic. However, as the video states if caught these “Four Horseman” don’t have to mean the end, they only mean that there is work to be done together. I have noticed myself doing these things on accident in my life. But now that I can recognize it, I can rectify it.

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K. Brown

I found this video interesting, and I a glad that I learned what the four horsemen mean and how they explain a relationship.  I understand that if you act like this and I certain relationship that it will be a downfall of your relationship because you're always being mean to each other you're never seeing the Bright of each other and you're always thinking negative about each other because you're going through these stages and you're not fixing them you're not really communicating with each other you're just arguing and it is just getting nowhere. This can be predicted in a relationship because this can be the downfall of your relationship. After all, they're all so toxic and negative that there's no way that people can fall back on what you had because you're just being so negative to each other, and you're just not seeing eye to eye anymore. That even if you are trying really hard and you're putting your heart out on the line, sometimes it's okay to let something so negative and toxic go that all you guys are doing is doing these four stages, which is really not a good thing to do in a relationship. It's okay to just step back and say that you're done and to just give up because it's much better than just trying to bicker back and forth all the time, and you feel maybe depressed or anxious because you don't know what's the matter anymore, you don't know how to fix your relationship. That no matter what you should always put yourself first even if it's not a relationship with your partner if you're having a hard time with your family or friends maybe you just need the time to be by yourself and just really think about what's good for you and how you can communicate better and how you can fix the issues instead of getting into all these problems and the stages that are coming into a toxic relationship that maybe you can prevent them from happening.

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The Four Horsemen and How to Overcome Them

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The Four Horsemen and How to Overcome Them

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Kayla Norrbom

I think John Gottman’s “Four Horsemen” are such strong predictors of relationship failure because they chip away at trust, respect, and emotional safety over time. For example, criticism makes someone feel attacked instead of supported, while contempt shows a lack of respect, which can be extremely damaging. Defensiveness prevents accountability and escalates conflict, and stonewalling shuts down communication altogether, leaving problems unresolved. When these behaviors pile up, partners begin to feel unheard, unvalued, and disconnected.

What I find really helpful is that each Horseman has an antidote. For instance, using “I” statements instead of criticism allows us to express feelings without blame. Building a culture of appreciation directly counters contempt, while accepting some responsibility eases defensiveness. And with stonewalling, taking a break to calm down before re-engaging helps prevent avoidance from becoming a habit.

These antidotes remind me that small, intentional changes in how we communicate can make a big difference in preserving connection and preventing long-term damage.

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G. Tutty

I thought the video about John Gottman’s “Four Horsemen” was really interesting because it explained how certain ways of communicating can actually predict the end of a relationship. The Four Horsemen are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, basically habits that slowly hurt trust and connection. I didn’t realize how small things, like sarcasm, rolling your eyes, or shutting down during an argument, can really add up over time.

For example, I thought about times my siblings and I argued about chores. If I constantly complain or criticize them, they might get defensive or just stop responding, which is basically stonewalling. But if I try a different approach, like saying, “Hey, can we figure out a way to keep the kitchen clean together?”, it actually makes the conversation way more productive and less tense.

Learning about the Four Horsemen made me realize how much our words and reactions affect relationships, not just romantic ones, but friendships and family, too. It was interesting to see how awareness of these patterns can help prevent conflicts from escalating and keep relationships healthier in the long run.

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These four communication styles can be predictive due to their emotional intensity, and negative bias. It can often be easier to go with your initial reaction if you have not practiced otherwise. So these communication styles become automatic responses, resulting in repetitive damage to the partnership and each person individually. Some examples of what you could do differently, for defensiveness, is take a step back. Walk away from the situation, if possible, momentarily with intention to pick it back up within a reasonable time frame, and distract yourself. I often find when I am feeling like blaming someone, or neglecting to own up fully to the part i've played in something, taking time to allow the emotion behind it to dwindle helps me see the situation for what it is.

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I think these 4 negative communication patterns can be predictive of relationship failure because these actions do not portray proper respect in the relationship; they also negate the problem and instead attack the person.

What can be said and done differently is:

Instead of criticism directed at the others character, is to express current feelings using "I" statements in a respectful manner, instead of "you" which direct and miscommunicate the issue (you're) "I'm" having; then express a positive need. ["I'm feeling a little pressured because the house is dirty and I'm having trouble getting it all done myself, would you mind helping me get this done right now?"]

Instead of contempt, which can be expressed as sarcasm, name-calling, and other passive aggressive behavior - portraying the same disrespect and problem avoiding as #1, criticism. Building a foundation and priority around respect and appreciation can remove this detrimental horseman from your relationship.

Defensiveness is described as "self-protection through righteous indignation or playing the victim". Also as used per mention in the video, can be an underhanded way of putting the fault on your partner. The way of disputing this is to take responsibility; problems solved with truth and vulnerability can prove more effective and long lasting than with denial, argumentative tension and stonewalling.

Stonewalling is when "the listener withdraws from the conversation without resolving anything."; taking a break from the conversation for at least 20 minutes can give both partners time to calm down, process and access the problem, and show up presently, ready to solve the problem.

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This video was very informative and interesting. I'm happy to have learned about these four main issues people seem to have within their relationships. It's good to know that there is a way to fix the situation and come back from such a bad spot in the relationship. In relationships, it seems that when things start to go down these are the four things that begin to happen. First criticism, it just comes out without thought because most people are upset about something and just come right out with words before thinking, there needs to be more thought into what's being said and communication is key. Communicate about what you desire or need. Secondly, Contempt can be worked on by just being respectful to one and another and understanding that mistakes can be made and things can easily be fixed. Defensiveness can be improved by admitting things that you may have done wrong and explaining how you can work on them in the future and accepting that what you did may have been wrong. I think Stonewalling has to be the worst one so far because it creates a huge wall in the relationship and causes partners to drift from one another, you need to communicate and give each a minute to calm down before talking about the situation at hand and how you feel, how to deal with it together.

I think that all four are main factors in relationship failures and that if everyone learned how to deviate from these four ways of toxic communication/miscommunication then these relationships would last longer than they are.

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A.Wallace

I believe that negative behavior can have negative effects on a relationship. The four horseman can be seen as a predictable end to a relationship because all of those are conflict of interest. In a relationship effective communication is key. Taking accountability is a major step to a successful relationship as well. When encountering one of these situations listening and assurance could help. If someone doesn't like something that their partner did they can address the issue in a respectable manner instead of being aggressive or hostile. I can see how I used these communications styles and it lead to an end of a relationship. I also believe that taking that time to gather yourself and your thoughts before proceeding back to an intense conversation can have a significant impact on how that conversation may go.

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K Frye

I think John Gottman’s “Four Horsemen” (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) can predict the end of a relationship because they slowly destroy trust and respect. When people criticize or show contempt, their partner starts feeling attacked or disrespected instead of loved. Defensiveness makes it hard to take responsibility, and stonewalling shuts down any chance for real communication. Over time, these patterns make couples feel more distant and hopeless. Gottman also offers antidotes for each one like using “I” statements instead of criticism, showing appreciation to replace contempt, taking responsibility instead of being defensive, and taking a break to calm down when feeling overwhelmed. I’ve seen that when people talk with kindness and listen before reacting, arguments don’t escalate as much, and the relationship becomes stronger and more respectful. I’ve personally learned that stepping away when you are overwhelmed is helpful in not letting emotions take over so you don’t say something you don’t really mean or completely shut down.

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I think this communication styles can predict the end of a relationship because they create negativity and distance instead of connection. If someone is constantly criticized, they may start to feel unloved and defensive. contempt is especially damaging because it makes the other person feel disrespected. When this all starts to happen, the conversations go nowhere, and the problems remain unresolved.

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G. Cozzocrea
John Gottman’s “Four Horsemen”, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, really can show how communication can break down a relationship over time. When people continue to constantly talk to each other in these kinds of ways, it creates a sence of distance instead of closeness. For example, when one partner will always criticizes or talks with an attitude of contempt, it makes the other person feel unloved or attacked. Eventually, that turns into defensiveness or shutting down completely.
I think these behaviors are super damaging because they build up over time. It starts with small things, like snapping at each other, or small disagreements and over time it becomes the normal way of communicating with one another. I’ve seen this happen before, when people will stop really listening and start trying to “win” the arguments instead of working things out together.
To avoid it, I think it helps to speak more calmly and use things like “I” statements, like saying “I feel hurt when…” instead of blaming. Taking a breather during an argument can also help. It’s not always easy, but being more mindful of how we communicate can really make a huge difference in keeping a relationship healthy instead of ruining it.