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During this time, I had friends. Or so I thought I did. We all used to be very very close. It was me and three other girls. We'd always laugh and get in trouble together, and no matter what we would always have each other's back, but everything changed when we went to middle school. They started making new friends leaving me on the back burner, and I could tell that they really didn't like me anymore but they chose to keep me around anytime their other friend wasn't there.

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The time I started to feel left out~2019-2020

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The time I started to feel left out~2019-2020

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During this time I was about 12 or 13. I was trying to make it work with people. No matter what I did, I just couldn't keep anyone around. They would always act as if I wasn't there like I was a ghost. But the only time they needed me was when they needed something from me. The people I used to call friends started treating me like I was NOTHING to them.

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I was in the 8th grade when I realized I will always be the floater friend and never really get to experience the feeling of having my own friends. What I mean by being a floater friend is never really having my own group but following in different friend groups that didn't really consider me their friend. The only time I was considered their "friend" was when their friends weren't around. So in this case I never really had friends everybody else had their own friend group but me, everybody had someone to talk to BUT ME.

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I was always in my thoughts wondering why nobody liked me, why nobody wanted to be around me or even talk to me. Everybody treated me like I was NOTHING. I was always getting bullied by them and it got so bad to the point I didn't want to go to school all the time. I would always have bad absences. They always called me out of my name, talked about my weight and how I looked. Even the ones I used to be close to started talking about me and it hurt because I did nothing to them or say anything bad about them even when we fell off. I literally felt like an outcast like I didn't belong there or anywhere. I wanted friends so bad that I tried doing what they did. I started vaping with them and doing all of the bad things thinking I was finally their friend, but somehow I still felt left out. I even started doing other types of drugs to the point I was just hurting myself. But those things never satisfied them. I started to hit rock bottom when I thought I wasn't worth being here anymore and just wanted to end everything. I cried myself to sleep wondering why this is happening to me?, why am I even here? Or that I thought that I clearly didn't belong anywhere. I started taking pills to overdose, and tried jumping in front of cars, but the whole time another part of me didn't want to die even when I wanted to.

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This is when everything changed. I realized that God was calling me the whole time during those times, because even if I was going through such a hard time and wanted to end everything something was still tugging on my heart. I wanted to turn bitter I wanted revenge, but God called me and I answered. I got saved and started my journey with God. That's when everything was revealed to me.

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Looking back over my life. I realized that the things I went through led me to where I am now, and created me the person I am today. God has allowed me to look back at my past of what I went through and why I did, and the reason for me always feeling left out or feeling like I didn't belong was because I was different, and God was just setting me apart from who I wanted to be like to who he created me to be, all of that was to lead me back to him. I used to be the person that was hopeless and felt like I didn't have a purpose. BUT GOD. He is the way the truth and the life. He is the reason why I have a purpose now. God showed me the way and he was the ONLY way.