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I am the weary earth still yearning for your downpour.

Alijahan Kaùv, The Gentlest Flower.

I must admit that while writing this, I've spending so much time of write and delete most of the sentence because I lost my words of describing your whole nature and presence, Ayi! You're truly beyond words! I've always smiled and giggle like a child while I'm with you. *Garuk kepala* It's your way to make other people comfortable with your presence, ya, Ayi? Sukses! Because, I do feel comfortable around you to pour the trueself of me! ;) It feels like Ayi have so much words to say and I'm always willing to hear. Listening to all his blabbering somehow heals some part of me. Toh, juga, aku sama cerewet dan rewelnya kayak Ayi! (Maaf aku anggap kamu cerewet dan rewel...? Soalnya, lucu sekali, lho. I love every different version of Ayi!) We spended a whole day together that it feels like a dream to be come true. You know... To be heard and to hear. I've always adore that kind of love. I, too, adore how Ayi bring himself to me. It feels like I'm his place to come home! Tolong... Jangan ditahan-tahan? There's some part of you that you feel weird but for me to admire, Ayi! You'll always be adored by many people!

Also, I love how Ayi always make Mee save under his arms, aku kayak puppy lucu waiting for Ayi lift me up and hug me tight before we go to bed. Harus dikelonin dulu dan ditium-tium baru bisa bobo. Maaf merepotkan Ayi, ya! He's like a place for me to lean after passing a weeks that dumped me hard to the ground. Kemarin-kemarin, I've got nothing and someone to hold, but Ayi came and make the air feels warmer and gentle for me to take a breath! Your presence truly make other people thankful to have you here, Ayi! Tolong! Diingat! Selalu! Aku jug suka banget waktu Ayi lebay..... MAAAAAF mention di sini, tapi, serius! Ayi lucu banget, lho. When you start showing your expressive side will be one of my favorite! Ada ajaa celotehannyaaa? Aku, lah, fans nomor satu CA alias #CelotehanAyi. Tolong, cerewet terus, ya, Ayi? Aku suka sekali lihatnya!

Even when both of us have a business to do and a tight schedule to pass, I've always thankful to Ayi for spending a spare time for us! (Walau... Aku yang kebanyakan ngilangnya karena tidur dan satu dua hal... MAAF. Tapi, aku suka sekali when we finally spend the time together setelah jadwal dan semua urusan selesai!) Terima kasih sudah mau tungguin dan luangkan waktunya untuk Mee, ya, Ayi! Mmm, I've to admit kalau aku juga suka keasikan sendiri kalau ngobrol sama Ayi... Kayaaak, cerita soal hari-hari kita ngapain aja... Memaki pemerintah sama-sama... KETAWAIN MEME-NYA AYI... Semuanya bikin aku asik sendiri dan tau-tau enggak sadar aja jam udah nunjukkin kalau hari makin malam! That's how Ayi bring himself to me, soft, tender and kind. (Dan lawak juga, sih. BIKIN AKU KETAWA TERUS.) I feel loved when Ayi know and notice the most tiniest thing of me! Suka, suka, suka! Aku kecintaan sekali kalau ngobrolin soal Ayi! Part paling seru dan sukanya adalah ketika Ayi banyak kasih aku insight dan hal baru, rasanya while with him, aku enggak cuma disayang-sayang tapi diajak bertumbuh bareng-bareng juga! Terima kasih, ya, Ayi? Since aku suka belajar hal baru, this part of me kegirangan sendiri waktu diperhatikan! And Ayi explained all this new things to me softly... Gimana makin enggak kecintaan aku, ya...? Coba! Jelaskan! Gimana aku nggak makin kecintaan!

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Carry my love the way gardens carry sunlight after rain.

🥺🥺🥺 Ayi, I think you've spoken too highly of me, for I have never even tried to think of myself this beautifully, let alone crafting pieces of our moments, especially this moment, to be as beautifully-wrapped as possible to not it loose the hold & the beauty. Thank you, thank you! For always making me feel like an absolutely most beloved person in this world, like a pretty flower being held gently through the spring. Which in fact, even in the span of short time we've shared for the past few days, you've given me nothing but a love like blooming spring & shining summer, just like what I've told you before! 🥹 And maybe that is what moves me the most, like how naturally you do it, how warmth seems to follow wherever your words go, and somehow finds me each time. You make tenderness feel effortless, as if it has always known the way to my door. I can only hope you know that your presence has been just as gentle to me, just as bright, just as dear. If I seem quiet at times, it is only because some feelings arrive too full for language. But please know I hold them all with care. And I hold you, too, in the softest corner of my heart. Thank you for being the gentle love you've always been, Ayi, my sweet Ayi! 🤍

And for this... That's quite alright, my baobei, my sweetest Ayiyan! Afterall, time flies no matter how much we tried to hold it dear, close to our hearts 🍊💛

First to pick from my mind, I would love to say the biggest thank you for you, my Ayiyan, for taking care of me throughout the love that we've been sharing lately! I feel like it's almost impossible to think of a love as dear as yours, because... how do I explain to people that you make every part of me feeling cherished, even the worsts of me, even the ones that are tangled & knotted for so long? It's to the extent that even I've never seen myself into such deeper piece, never even bothered to let it be known as I didn't even really aware the existence of those parts of me that actually have been longing to see the sun and be free. And you, once again my sweetest Ayiyan, did that with such ease, like it's nothing for you to do.... I am starting to feel like you're having some magical superpowers you've never told anyone about 🥹 It's been a real delight, a sweet treat for the soured mouth, to talk to you about maaany things and you're always responding to me with such genuine eagerness to converse & making every bit of our talk feels like they worth an ear, doesn't matter how silly they are... My sweet, sweet darling, indeed </3 I believed that it's hard to really love me in a way like I'm shaped like your heart, but again, you do it in such ease like you're meant to do this for your whole lifetime 🍓 I cherish you, Ayi, and I'm wishing you nothing but all the good luck in life! I would also put some apologies for any flaws or mistakes I may have made during our time, and I just wanted to let you know that you've done a wonderful one, no dents in your love, at all! I'm so glad to know you, please live well for some more good food and good life, Ayiyan! I'm rooting for you, always! 🍋

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You were the ache that never left my ribs.

yacaaa, time really flies so quick till i dont realize our time is up. however, i must thaaaank you for a million times for accompanying me on past four days. im beyond greatful to meet you, be your lover, and showered with so much love. tho a million thanks is never enough to express how thankful i am since your kindest is countless. yaca is the most sweetest bf i've ever known, i will never regret to meet you.

i appreciate every single thing that you have done to me. your time, your sweet talk, your letter, your affection that never not makes my cheeks feel sore. thank you for always all ears and never tired to aaall of my yap, yaca :] i'll eternally cheries each lovely moment that we've spent on past four days.

i really looove by the way you talk to me in your suppersweetest way, i feel so loved when you call me with those sweet endearments. it feels so generous and i can feel the warm of it. pluuus, the way you throw me with your silly jokes just makes our conversation feel alive. aaand, yaca, you will never know how many times im kicking my feet when you attacking me with your sweet words. im sooo swelled till i cant do anything but kicking air ;( but thats a good thing, an extra point of yaca. yaca did sooo great :3

once again, from the bottom of my heart, i would like to say thank you for everything. and i apologize if i’ve ever done anything that upset you or hurting you, i’m truly sorry, it was never be my intention. alsooo, i have no no criticism and suggestions for yaca since i think you have done your best for doing your duty as my bf :3 a little note for yaca, please take good care of yourself. make sure to get enough sleep, eat well, and live your happiest lifeee. i hope good luck and happiness always be suround you. until next time yacaaa <3

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I named the stars after you.

jdjsldpdldn cepet banget yaaa? nggak kerasa udah tiga hari aja kita pacaran, duh aku mau nangis dikit.... duh aku nggak tau harus ngomong apalagi... sejujurnya aku nggak siap sih buat ini hdhdkdld, tapi gapapa emang udah waktunya habis dan habis ini kan kamu ada cust lain. sebentar ya aku kirim dulu hr nya hsjsjks, makasih banyak ya buat semuanya. semua hadiah kamu yang indah, semua kata kata kamu yang selalu nenangin aku. terimakasih juga buat 3 hari nya, aku sangat menikmati semuanya... kamu juga harus jaga kesehatan loh? jangan lupa mam yang banyak, minum air putih, sama vitamin. kalo udah capek tuh istirahat, bukan maksa ya? jangan forsir diri kamu sendiri, kasian badan kamu. i love you to the moon and never back, acen sayang.

hai acen ganteng! sebelumnya makasih banyak udah terima aku jadi pacarmu, aku bersyukur banget bisa kenal dan rent kamu, karena afeksi kamu beneran nyampe ke aku. kamu bener bener bisa jadi pacar yang selalu ada, selalu babying aku, selalu sayang sama aku, dan peduli sama aku. bahkan kamu ngeborong semua love language, parah aku diserang dari berbagai arah... nggak kuat banget! aku seneng banget setiap ngobrol sama kamu, kaya selalu aja ada hal baru yang bisa diomongin, dan sama kamu aku nggak takut buat kehabisan topik dan candaan. aku juga seneng banget dengan cara kamu respon semua cerita ku, semua chat ku, kamu selalu keliatan menghargai semuanya! aku selalu suka sama semua hadiah yang kamu kasih, semua indah, manis, pokoknya selalu menyentuh hati dan aku selalu terharu liat itu semua... makasih udah selalu nyebar energi baik dan kasih apresiasi ke aku, aku bangga banget punya pacar kaya kamu. aku nggak tau harus ngomong apalagi, soalnya kamu se perfect itu... digambarin pake kata kata pun kayanya bakal jadi satu buku, sangking sempurnanya. sekali lagi, makasih buat afeksi dan semua hadiah yang kamu kasih, aku selalu suka dan terima dengan senang hati

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You held me like a prayer.

yacayacayaca my little tiggey ~_,~ thank you for adding more times to spend with me eventho you're not in your best form t____t but believe it or no, you're being sooo great for past few days, yacaaa. definately best bf ever! <3 i greatly enjoyed day by day we spent just so i didn't realized that it comes to end. first of all, i hope you dont get bored of me since we just had an apointment 2 weeks ago.. :O i couldnt bottle up my longing for you anymore </3 and just so you know, i'm genuinely beyooond grateful to catch this chance, i'm not regreting at all. you literally filled up my days with bunch of joyful and love.

the way you gives me accompany last few days just.. lovely. i feel showered with a heap of affection from you. thank you for being all ears to all of my babbler, and how you give respond on my babbler or tmi.. somehow its so warm. and i really love it when you always said its okay, everything is gonna be alright or i feel youu, ceya—those possitivity words that comes out from you just makes me not feel alone. i have you by my side. thamk you for always makes me feel this way yacaaa sobs

i appreciate each things that you've done for me, including time you spent creating the coolest pic of us (which i'll adore eternally), your lovely gingerbread gift, bunch of affection that you pour for me, and your accompany. i'm overjoyed to spend my days with you, you fill my days with so much laughter. believe it or no, its been a long time since i laughed so hard when i m joking around with someone. but last night, with you, i could laugh freely and that a good thing :O youre increbily lovely yet also incredibly funny at the same time. how a person could be endearing as yooou, yaca?

i once said that you paint my days, and i mean it.. you add so much colors to my days. you make my days even brighter with you in it. any action that you've done for me never not makes my cheeks feel warm, yaca is the sweetest, i swear! you always come with those sweet word which never unsuccessfully makes my cheeks feel warmer. i also love when you suddenly throw me your silly sticker, its never not got me giggling. x__x

i'm happy to sharing and joking around with you, maybe i've mentioned it before but i do reallyj treasure each of things we ever did. im so glad for ever noticing your existence and ever being part of you life. i think i should convey it one more time that i will never regret for have a chance to meet you, be match with you, and never regret on each silly or lovely things we've spent together, i will always keep it and immortalized each of every moment in my mind! the days that i've spend with you will be something that i eternally adore.

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You, the ink that never runs dry in me.

Haaah.. Kamu mendengar suara kretek? Itu bukan chiropractic, itu suara hatiku. (Lebay) It feels like our time together has come to an end, doesn’t it? Before anything else, I just want to say a huge thank you, Zahreid. From the moment we first met, I’ve felt such a deep joy in knowing you.. Let’s start explaining by now, yuk? I really wish we could’ve had more time together. Still, we did manage to share some precious moments, didn’t we? Anyway, I’m truly captivated by you.. I mean it when I say you’re incredibly skillfully. It really tugs at my heart to leave so soon, but I promise we’ll meet again. I hope that’s alright with you because the thought of not seeing you for a while is just too much for me to bear. I can’t thank you enough for the love you've shown me. I think I’ve got to spend a lot of time with you since these past days I was so busy with everything.. But we’ve spend more than a week.. Aku kira kamu bakal drained, ternyata enggak.. Sedikit kaget, kok bisaan. Albeit, it’s made me feel incredibly cherished. ;) Oh, and I have to say—seriously, what’s going on? From the very first moment we met, you were just so incredibly adorable. You’ve been cute from the start, and I can’t stop feeling all warm and fuzzy. You’ve definitely triggered my cuteness aggression. I’m still not over you being the Reja Arap in disguise. Udah serius ngetik malah kebayang sticker-stickernya. YaTuhan.. MAAF.

Promise me you’ll never get tired of me, ya? Even though I can be talkative, and sometimes overly cheerful, you always seem to know just how to handle me, It was just so crazy how you handle everything—whether it’s my chatter, my quirks, or when I’m just being a total handful. And still, you keep me close.. I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit much at times, but honestly, the way you deal with me makes me admire you even more. ;[ Whether it’s putting up with my quirks, comforting me when I’m down, or just handling my rebellious, you always manage to make me smile so big. My face aches from smiling so much, kram banget serius. Udah biasa boy.. It feels like I’m grinning every second. You have no idea how much I truly appreciate every little thing you’ve done for me. (Although, let’s be real, nothing you do ever feels small. To me, everything you do is monumental, just like this Erdbeer sees everything his boyfriend does as huge) When we first met, I was so surprised—How are you so good at editing...? Kalo aku kejer, tolong dinormalisasikan, pengen berguru soalnya. I’ve got to tell you, from the tiniest things to the biggest ones, everything you do has this incredible, almost magical way of making me feel beyond happy. It’s honestly like you’ve got these superpowers, the kind that can flip my entire world upside down—but in the best, most wonderful way possible. I lose count of the number of times I’ve found myself rolling around, giggling uncontrollably, berpotensi jadi tomat, kicking my feet, or even punching my pillow and random things out of pure, unfiltered joy. Sometimes, I feel like the craziest cat in the world... But let’s be honest, I’m pretty sure any other cat would do the same thing in my shoes! And it’s not just about the little things either—I feel so much closer to you every time we share those pieces of ourselves. So here I am, thanking you for just being you. Every little thing you do is like a piece of magic, making me feel so happy, so cherished. I couldn’t ask for more, not when you’re around.

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You never left the margins of my thoughts.

I truly believe we have so much in common, I, frankly mean it when I say this when it comes to Stranger Things, no one else has left me as flabbergasted as you did. I mean, there are plenty of people who’ve watched it, but I could never really connect with anyone about it until you came along. You knew everything, and you engaged with me in a way that felt so perfect. Orang sekitaranku mah cuma bilang Eleven mirip Ronaldo Wati.. 😊 Meanwhile, pacarku. Who always brings it up just enough to keep me intrigued, and honestly, it’s like you know exactly how to captivate me, I’m completely hooked. Thank you so much for letting me be myself. I know I can ramble on a lot, talking about everything and anything, and if I’ve said anything wrong or made any mistakes, I sincerely apologize. I’m truly sorry if anything I’ve said has ever made you feel uncomfortable or drained.. Atau suka bikin kamu nunggu lama just for my estimation. You’ve brought so a lot, more than a lot, but a a shedload of joy to what had been some of the dullest Christmas days for me, and now even into the latest December.

Honestly, I’d love to go through and discuss all our discrete topics one by one, but I’m here to review your interpretation—not our conversations WKWKWK. To start, I absolutely adore your sense of humor.. Kenapa matched banget, love tester mana paham kalo kita begini. It aligns so perfectly with my personality. Seriously, I didn’t expect you to be this funny from the beginning. My first impression of you was that you’d be a very serious person, nothing left behind, just sweetly-straightforward. Turns out that was completely wrong because I’ve enjoyed every single conversation with you. Even though I can be bubbly and chatty, sometimes I hold back on replying too much because I’m scared I might overwhelm or exhaust you.. ;[ I honestly didn’t expect we’d be talking for this long—over a week now—but I’m so glad we are. I forthrightly enjoy every moment of our conversations, and I’m not just saying that. Every sugary or heartfelt gifts you’ve sent, I’ve read over and over. You’ve been so thoughtful and kind, and I honestly don’t know how to repay, reimburse you for those.

I can’t tell you how delighted I’ve been to have you with me during such worthwhile times—from Christmas all the way to New Year’s. around the clock you share something about your day, the things you love, or the little details about your life, I hold onto those moments because I genuinely want to know you better. And the more I learn about you, the more I cherish you. The way, the schemes, and the modus operandi you treat me with such care and love amazes me. I truly mean it when I say that everyone around you is prosperously to have you in their living beings. You’re a blessing, not just to me, but to everyone who gets to know you. This past year has been full of stand against me and struggles, but you’ve shown me what veracious happiness as it really happened looks like—effortless and pure. Being with you, Yatsen Zahr, brings me blissfulness, and that’s something I’ve never felt so severely before. I wish we could meet again sometime soon, okay? I’m sorry if I sound a bit too eager to see you, kan emang iya.. HEHE.

—Celebrating New Year’s with you wasn’t just another night, am I right? It felt transformative. The light from the fireworks pales in comparison to the radiance you add to my living beings. Even in-betwixt all the noise and excitement, I swear, this has been the best New Year’s I’ve had. The past few years felt so monotonous, but 2025 began with you, the babiest baby, and it’s already indelible, like a permanent pen. I love all the parts of you—your German, Chinese, and French sides—but I especially adore the “Archaic British gentleman” in you. Nggak lupa sama panggilan kesayangan.. Boleh disebut disini satu-satu, kan? No worry needed, Yasin Zahra nya nggak akan aku sebut. Instead, I do cherish them. Puppy, Pupphiu, Chocoherz.. And further.

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I bloom only in your seasons.

One more bubble chat needed.. Karna kepanjangan—all probable celebration with you doesn’t feel limited to special occasions, no? Even at hourly intervals we share feel worth celebrating. I’ve never been this open about someone I care about before, but with you, it feels so natural.. Sincerely, I tell the people around me how phenomenal you are, puppy. And they love you just as much as I do, remember you deserve all the love and admiration in the world, from earthlings, Zahreid, because you truly are that never to be forgotten.

I know I may sound overly attached, but that’s because I love you deeply. You’re the person I’ve been longing for, dreaming of, and yearning for all this time. I’m usually reserved about sharing details of my life with anyone because I feel self-conscious or uncomfortable. Along with you, I feel so safe and laid-back. I can talk to you about any such things. I know you might not love the idea of me sharing how scarcely credible you are with the world, but don’t worry—I’ll try to tone it down. It’s just that I can’t help but want to compliment and celebrate you all the time. For instance, I’m so in awe of your artistic consummate. The fact that you love painting and even drew a cat that resembles me—it melts my heart. Meanwhile, I can’t even draw.. 😂 So I’m amazed every time I look at your work. I’ve re-read those letters, re-watching those clips at least ten times a day, and honestly, I might do it more.

Henceforth, If I ever come off too harsh, please forgive me. I’m just a man completely, utterly whipped for you. We’ve talked a lot, aku kira kamu se-intimidating itu orangnya, ternyata sekabeh-kabeh dibahas berawal dari kepala gelinding-able Jühksthin Biêhkbēr.. Reja Arap.. Lisna.. Ag*s. (Explicit) Ah! I couldn’t believe that you’re into Arap so much like me.. Suka banget, kenapa ya. How could both of us be so in love with him? That is another one of those many tiny links that provide the impression that we were always going to meet. This.. Is a one layer of sincerity after another, do you recall when I say these? Well, I always meant it. I might grow out of fit to these loving feelings you have about me.. It’s oppressive in the best possible way and boy do I adore you even more than before. If I were nominated as the sweetest catto.. Well (Memang) I know it’s because of you. You are the one that properly makes me feel like a prized gem being tend to.

We’ve been sharing every little bit of our days with each other—those small stories, the endless details, and everything in between. There’s never a dull moment, is there? Even in the hard-pressed times, we’re still talking. You’re just such a natural chatterbox, huh? No matter the topic, you always manage to steer the conversation in your own unique way. Every single thing you’ve done for me? I truly appreciate it, even the little things. Heck, I’ve been telling my whole paguyuban kucing-kucing about it all, and they think you’re the sweet. Technically, iya! You know how much that means, right? You’re like the perfect cattos’ listener—like every cat in the world would gather around you, just to meow their little stories non-stop. And when I start sharing stories of the crazy things you’ve done, my friends ask me, “Can he really handle you?” They’ve probably gotten fed up with my endless chatter, but I know you don’t mind.

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You make my lungs forget their grief.

Last one.. Can I call you my trusted advisor? Someone who always knows just what to say? Honestly, I know we’ve only had a bunch of meetups, but I already feel like you’re someone who brings wisdom and care to everything you say. If anyone wants you to be their boyfriend, they’d be a fool not to grab you, because you’re that good. And when you give me those sweet compliments, trust me, I’m holding it together, trying not to lose my cool. You’re just too adorable for words. What I admire the most about you though is that you never give people generic answers. You don’t just tell people what they want to hear. You always consider what’s truly best for them.

Just the idea that I would have had the chance to tell you all this by the end of it made it feel special. All that I had to do in the activities flowed smoothly and actually bener banget, soal waktu that has been lately been very fast. Perhaps you granted us more time for our sessions. Still I would like to really mean that I have grown to love your cuteness towards me, like.. Lord.. Seriously, it melts my heart. If I sometimes sound too tough or psychotic, I’m just a man.. That’s right high on that extra whipped I’m being. Even there and then you could over hear a couple of curse words (I guess that’s just the sole vice) It might be beneficial for you to spare a moment to reflect on those things, okay? I can’t say any more right now but I just wanted you to know that being with you has been all.. You’ve shown me a love a lots, that it feels surreal.

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Our love bends the seasons.

There was never anything even approaching the mundane in the time we had. Even at its most straightforward, subdued, our connection had a kind of weight to it—gentle, but deeply felt. It was more than a session to me. It felt like a conversation between two souls who, perhaps, were never meant to stay, but were meant to touch. And if I’m being honest, you’ve performed your role with a grace I hadn’t fully expected. You made it easy to believe in the warmth of this arrangement, in the sincerity of every gesture and word. As your boyfriend—even in this finite, borrowed role—I was content. Genuinely. You didn’t just check off the boxes of what I asked for: you filled in the blanks I didn't know needed anything. <3 You answered the spoken wants, but more than that, you acted on the unspoken. The things I never said aloud, you managed to catch with silent intuition. For that, I’m forever grateful. I really, truly am. Every bit of care, every little effort, did not go unnoticed. I enjoyed everything. I cherished it in that quiet, unnameable way people cherish things when they know that too soon it will be a memory. / I’m sorry it couldn’t last longer, ya. I wish I could’ve stayed in that place with you a little while longer. And still, in spite of that, I do need to thank you for visiting, for permitting yourself to be troubled by my existence, for sitting with such grace. Alijahan Káuv possesses a client-handling technique that appears unlike anything I’ve ever seen. There’s a special kind of art in doing what you do—in perceiving individuals the way you do. And I trust in that. I trust in your ability. Sincerely. So here it is—my thanks, not written out of obligation, but out of something soft and sincere. I thank you for opening the door. I thank you for providing your time, your patience, your charm. Until we meet again—be well, be golden, and most of all, stay as beautiful as you’ve been to me.

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You are my sun after the fog.

First of all, I want to express my sincerely thank you to Alijahan Kaúv for your companion around 24 hours! It’s sweet mesmerizing moment I’ve once had, you know how to make me feel comfortable around you, Kakak Sexy! And I apologize for any of my actions or words have ever caused hurt or discomfort, whether intentionally or not ya =]. However, you nailed it, Ali! You should know that you hard really well dari awal sesi sampai selesai, here’s what I notice from Ali:

✱ Waktu pertama kali Ali reaching me out, aku langsung terkesima sama tulisannya dan menurut ANDRI (analisis saya sendiri) Alijahan inilah the next Sapardi Djoko Damono [maafgugup]. I like the way you reaching me out and you’re indeed the poet itself, Ali! As I once said, heaven hits me when I read every line you wrote #BukanMain. Ali buat aku merasa in every lifetime, in every world, whether as strangers, friends, or something more, I will carry the ghost of you with me. 'Cause I don’t wanna be in love with another, even in another life!

✱ I bet Ali read should do & shouldn’t, to keep all in mind. This is literally a perfect score of Ali. He followed and executed everything perfectly without any mistakes chefs kiss

✱ Ali was able to adjust at the beginning of the time to immediately act like we had been dating for a long time. Itu beneran buat aku enjoy selama sesi dan sama sekali nggak bikin INFP girl ini drained #Rispek

✱ Ali matching my energy so well siap diangkat lalu tiriskan, ciyusciyus dia bisa blend in my personality ancis aku sukaa! Cinta mati sama MyAli! Aku jadi gak merasa canggung to shows another (jamet) side of me, kyaaa Alijahan-san! >___<

✱ Ali response me in every bubble chat and always appriciating me! I love it! Especially when I give him my artwork (his reactions so precious) :c thank you for existing in this life, MyAli!

✱ Ali closingannya politee banget... :( I caan’t.... Oh.... MyShaylaa... Hati aku bergetar please... I find myself wondering, what is the composition of your heart that allows it to radiate sincere and gentle feelings like cotton, Ali?

So, I would rate my session with Alijahan at 100000 out of 10. Everyone must be lucky to have met Alijahan Kaúv in their life. I have no criticism or suggestions, Ali has done his best. Thank you Nima Fain for giving me the opportunity to know Alijahan Kaúv in my life ♥️

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Even figs rot, but I loved you like they’d never fall from the tree.

Please. Let me keep proving this. LET ME KEEP TELLING YOU. Even if I need more words than anyone reasonably should! Even if it means unspooling every last feeling in one endless letter. Thank you for taking in my whole tempest of desires, Chappy! (I really adore.. That nickname.. Lucu) For letting me be a little unbridled in how much I wanted from you. I know it was sprawling, borderline excessive, but you never once made me feel like I was too much. You gave me the sweetest version of you, unfiltered, unreserved. That alone undid me in ways I’m still sorting out. You spoiled me so thoroughly this past week! It was decadent! Every single day felt like one long indulgence in your tenderness, like I was biting into cake for BREAKFAST > LUNCH > DINNER. I could cry about it. I mean I almost did, complete that I felt like I was cheating the universe. Every day with you was its own little sanctuary where I was safe to be delirious with affection, to sink into your words like they were silk bedding, I think you have no idea how much that means to someone like me, always bracing for someone to flinch away from the intensity. I noticed it all. I need you to know the way you opened your heart so deliberately, the way you didn’t hold back even when you could have. Even when I was harried and tired, even when I couldn’t match your pace or mirror your openness, you kept GIVING. You showed me a grace I don’t think I deserved in those moments, and it stunned me silent more than once.

We REALLY did talk all the time. Every second we could snatch. I felt like we had our own secret channel humming underneath my whole week. Even on the busiest days where I was trying to juggle a thousand things, I’d look down and see you with those tiny interludes I cherished them. YOU WERE SO PRESENT, EVEN WHEN I COULDN’T BE. MEN AKU SAYANG KAMU BANGET. That’s why I’m taking the time now.. Because you deserve better than my rushed half-presence. You deserve more than my fragmented attention or weary goodnights. You deserve something whole, even if it’s messy. Even if it’s a sprawling confession like this one. Even if it’s a bit of a warm disaster, but mine. Aku udah bilang belum, kamu lucu banget? Belum, lah. You were absurdly cute, it was CRIMINAL. Cacing, Chappy Kocing. 🐈‍⬛🍊 Terima kasih banyak, koceng bulat kesayangan, for becoming a native to the shape of my days. For colonising my time so gently that I didn’t even resist. For making your presence feel inevitable, I’ve noticed your way of showing up so deliberately how you seemed to intuit what I needed without my having to say it outright. You were there with that disarming softness of yours, always patient, always present one-man. And beyond just showing up, you did it with intention. That matters to me. :( It says so much about who you are.

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I keep writing darn-sweet griefs in your name.

More than the pace of our talks, it was the care behind them that moved me. You gave yourself so freely, without reservation or complaint, meeting even my most indulgent, overly specific hopes for how I wanted this time with you to feel. You let yourself be both tender and strong, gentle but unmistakably you. I saw the balance of it, the boyish warmth and the manly steadiness. Mamamia.. Dasar orang cantik! (Ganteng juga) Kamu itu lucu, monyet, lucu banget. In these conversations I felt how natural it would be to call you my baby in the most honest sense, and NOT in a way that belittles you. I sincerely loved talking to you. You’re funny without trying, dari dulu juga kamu selalu begitu, nggak pernah absen Komengitisnya.

You were exactly the sort of older baby I imagined wanting, atau aku sudah bilang ini? Ah, a person, or cat, I prefer cat, with enough certainty to make me feel secure, yet willing to let me lead when I wanted to, pokonya.. Whatever this exchange was, whatever name we want to give it, it was valuable to me. Because you made it feel simple to open up. You made it clear there was room for me exactly as I am, with all my words and wandering thoughts. You gave me permission to be honest, to be tender, to be myself without trimming anything. Bahkan, I’ve loved calling you Chappy. I’ve loved the ease of that name. Thank you, again, for all you’ve been. For your patience, for your lightness, for your capacity to care without expecting anything elaborate in return. You’ve been a kind presence, 2S; Steady & Sincere, and luminous. UDAH, JANJI. THAT’S EVERYTHING FROM ME, I BELIEVE. Aku mintak maaf if this testament turned into something sprawling. Is it permitted, ya, for a review to be this unrestrained, this forthright? I hope so.. Because the truth is I had an inordinate amount I needed to say, and no interest in trimming it down to something safer or more polite, SIKAP NONCHALANT. I couldn’t make it short! I wouldn’t even want to diminish it! Suka-suka aku, marahin aku.

Mantap, men. This encounter didn’t deserve anything perfunctory. It demanded fullness. So here it is in all its unvarnished honesty. And while I’m already baring my entire interior monologue, please help me extend my sincerest terimakasih to your so-called habitat hijau! NimaFain dan Nimamins, for being the unlikely bridge that allowed me to cross into this space with you, Alijahmeng Kaùv.  For giving me the chance to discover someone like you, a living dupe of the softest cat imaginable, except with that disarming, extra-beautiful energy that radiates even through a screen. I truly hadn’t anticipated feeling this unmistakably seen.. Aku cinta kamu sangat. Week honestly weren’t sufficient. Iya gw maruk, mau lagi. Kenapa. Nggak suka. Biarin. But you made it absurdly easy to crave more of your time, seriusan. (CUT) (UDAH) (KELAR)