# data[].attributes.body
You swear you used to have a full head of hair, but now your forehead is halfway to the back of your head. You could do something about it, but hats exist, so who cares? Your once-athletic build has been slowly replaced by a glorious beer gut, which you affectionately call your “investment.” You still unironically refer to yourself as a “former athlete,” even though tying your shoes now makes you break a sweat. You refuse to admit that your metabolism has abandoned you, blaming “water retention” for your ever-expanding waistline. You’re one bad sunburn away from looking like a boiled egg.

A bald cap or a receding hairline wig (bonus points for fake hair clippings on your shoulders)

A fake (or real) beer belly proudly sticking out under a slightly-too-tight polo or stained tank top

Cargo shorts or dad jeans that sit way too low or way too high

Thongs, worn-out sneakers, or dad-approved New Balances

A half-empty can of beer (or a six-pack for extra realism)

Sunglasses permanently perched on top of your head

A comb or tiny bottle of hair regrowth serum as a tragic prop

# data[].attributes.body
You swear you used to have a full head of hair, but now your forehead is halfway to the back of your head. You could do something about it, but hats exist, so who cares? Your once-athletic build has been slowly replaced by a glorious beer gut, which you affectionately call your “investment.” You still unironically refer to yourself as a “former athlete,” even though tying your shoes now makes you break a sweat. You refuse to admit that your metabolism has abandoned you, blaming “water retention” for your ever-expanding waistline. You’re one bad sunburn away from looking like a boiled egg.

A bald cap or a receding hairline wig (bonus points for fake hair clippings on your shoulders)

A fake (or real) beer belly proudly sticking out under a slightly-too-tight polo or stained tank top

Cargo shorts or dad jeans that sit way too low or way too high

Thongs, worn-out sneakers, or dad-approved New Balances

A half-empty can of beer (or a six-pack for extra realism)

Sunglasses permanently perched on top of your head

A comb or tiny bottle of hair regrowth serum as a tragic prop

# data[].attributes.body
You swear you used to have a full head of hair, but now your forehead is halfway to the back of your head. You could do something about it, but hats exist, so who cares? Your once-athletic build has been slowly replaced by a glorious beer gut, which you affectionately call your “investment.” You still unironically refer to yourself as a “former athlete,” even though tying your shoes now makes you break a sweat. You refuse to admit that your metabolism has abandoned you, blaming “water retention” for your ever-expanding waistline. You’re one bad sunburn away from looking like a boiled egg.

A bald cap or a receding hairline wig (bonus points for fake hair clippings on your shoulders)

A fake (or real) beer belly proudly sticking out under a slightly-too-tight polo or stained tank top

Cargo shorts or dad jeans that sit way too low or way too high

Thongs, worn-out sneakers, or dad-approved New Balances

A half-empty can of beer (or a six-pack for extra realism)

Sunglasses permanently perched on top of your head

A comb or tiny bottle of hair regrowth serum as a tragic prop

# data[].attributes.body
You swear you used to have a full head of hair, but now your forehead is halfway to the back of your head. You could do something about it, but hats exist, so who cares? Your once-athletic build has been slowly replaced by a glorious beer gut, which you affectionately call your “investment.” You still unironically refer to yourself as a “former athlete,” even though tying your shoes now makes you break a sweat. You refuse to admit that your metabolism has abandoned you, blaming “water retention” for your ever-expanding waistline. You’re one bad sunburn away from looking like a boiled egg.

A bald cap or a receding hairline wig (bonus points for fake hair clippings on your shoulders)

A fake (or real) beer belly proudly sticking out under a slightly-too-tight polo or stained tank top

Cargo shorts or dad jeans that sit way too low or way too high

Thongs, worn-out sneakers, or dad-approved New Balances

A half-empty can of beer (or a six-pack for extra realism)

Sunglasses permanently perched on top of your head

A comb or tiny bottle of hair regrowth serum as a tragic prop