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Clear LOI.
Italicize the title of the text in your LOI.
Creative use of an outside quote.
Clarify these ideas "To solidify one’s position in the affluent world, one must fulfill the ideals society attaches to gender. As femininity is associated with weakness, the reasonable assumption IS that affluent women must be passive and docile" are part of the ideology during the era of production.
Excellent thesis.
Clear focus established in body paragraphs.
There is an opportunity to tighten up language in some areas, for example: "Although Fitzgerald characterizes Daisy as docile, her act of submission allows her to continue thriving in a society that prevents women from outright demanding what they want. Instead, Daisy lures men into desiring her, then uses them for her own gain without them perceiving that she is in control." Avoid "allows." There is an opportunity to revisit "allows her to continue thriving." Consider revising "Daisy lures men into desiring her" to "Daisy lures men." Avoid "uses." Consider condensing "then uses them for her own gain without them perceiving that she is in control." Maybe "lures naïve men for her own control"?
Be consistent with present tense.
Effective use of micro quotes.
Excellent discussion about the connections with allusion.
Review for typo/grammar in the first sentence of BP2 ("her’s").
Avoid "thing" words.
Add more to BP2 about Fitzgerald's subversion of gender norms in the example given. Elaborate on the depth of the message.
Elevate verbs. Avoid "take." Avoid "using."
Consider adding "paradoxically" to the beginning of BP3.
Consider the allusion to King Midas in BP3.
Consider the term "archetype" in BP3.
Consider adding "heteronormative" to the discussion about societal expectations here: "The vision of perfect success for Gatsby is a materialistic and patriarchal one characteristic of American society and cannot be complete without the perfect wife."
There is an opportunity to tighten up language here: "Fitzgerald characterizes the Golden Girl side of Daisy as a symbol,
representing unattainable perfection and wealth. In this way, Daisy is a victim to the imagination of men around her, presented through dichotomy, ephemeral diction, and the conversion from character to inanimate symbol within description and dialogue." Revise the beginning and adjust "inanimate symbol" to fit parallel structure.
Consider: "Fitzgerald archetypal characterization of Daisy as one half the Golden Girl represents her unattainable perfection and wealth. In this way, Daisy is a victim to the imagination of men around her, presented through dichotomy, ephemeral diction, and the conversion from character to symbol."--Good transitions between paragraphs.
Avoid "in order to." Consider "To."
Add a bit more about Fitzgerald's style and language in your conclusion.
Connect your last sentiment to the text. What is the impact of the text on modern readers? Are women still characterized this way? Are women trapped in a paradoxical loop, as dictated by the expectations of society, for survival?

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IBLL1 Beginning the HL Essay Process: External Assessment

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Clarify that RW presents ideas about the lack of understanding. Frame it from his perspective a bit more. General Feedback: In the introduction, include important context such as the author’s name, title of the text, genre, and the year of publication. Introduce the author and title early on. Italicize the title of the text. The LOI does not need to be included in the body of your essay, but will appear at the top of your paper. Include a concept in your LOI. Elevate verbs. Avoid "use." Avoid "throughout the novel" and "the reader" as it is redundant. Avoid "able to" type language. Develop context before evidence to avoid an explanation of the events/details in analysis. Include multiple techniques in analysis and layer them in your discussion. Include the effect and deeper meaning. Attribute authorial choice by focusing on the author throughout. Employ signal language to demonstrate the topics and/or actions with your writing.

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IBLL1 Choice reading Black Boy Focused Analysis Part II

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IBLL1 Choice reading Black Boy Focused Analysis Part I

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IBLL1 Black Boy, Chapter 1, “Fire” excerpt

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Create a new document and edit with others at the same time -- from your computer, phone or tablet. Get stuff done with or without an internet connection. Use Docs to edit Word files. Free from Google.

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IBLL1 "Dust Tracks" by Zora Neale Hurston Reading Questions

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IBLL1 Persepolis Reading Discussion Questions: Readers, Writers, Texts

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Good focus on the prompt. Refine the claim to be argue a specific message about religion and politics. Avoid redundant phrases such as "throughout Persepolis." Good context and description about panels. Refer to panels and use other technical language to guide the reader. Good analysis that discusses deeper meaning and builds on multiple points. End on a conclusive idea that answers the prompt.

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IBLL1 Persepolis In-Class Written Response

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Create a new document and edit with others at the same time -- from your computer, phone or tablet. Get stuff done with or without an internet connection. Use Docs to edit Word files. Free from Google.

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Copy of Gatsby Still Analysis - Google Jamboard

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IBLL1 Gatsby Major Work Unit Review Denchfield

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Copy of "I Want You" Flagg Poster Collaborative Analysis - Google Jamboard

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Copy of "I Want You" Flagg Poster Collaborative Analysis

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IBLL1 Wake Up America Independent Analysis Slides

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IBLL1 Together We Win Independent Analysis Slides

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IBLL1 Sow the Seeds of Victory Flagg Poster

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IBLL1 1984 Major Work Unit Review Denchfield

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IBLL1 Year 1 Language & Literature Unit Reflection

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Good title that primes for the prompt. Good context in the introduction. Clear claims in the topic sentences that emphasize comparison. Good context before evidence. No need to include the comma at the end of quoted evidence. Good inclusion of technique and deeper meaning as a part of the discussion in analysis. Expand the discussion of the message that is compared and contrasted for both works--Review the main points for each in your conclusion.

Lauren Denchfield, Nov 17, 2022 at 10:44am

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IBLL1 1984 Character & Motif Analysis: Winston and Julia in Part II

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IBLL1 1984, Part II Iceberg Review of Text

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https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1V0wTFNuDRgyNtIjzAehzfpKwVKycwIHcQvIZ12qKnkc/edit?usp=sharing

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McKay and White Analysis Audio_ Lily Sumida

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kW_Oq9AL29wzr9x369m1-t6eFNb-nu5UahHSgrGfWjU/edit?usp=sharing

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IBLL1 Claude McKay and Charles White Analysis with a Global Issue

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Copy of “The White House” by Claude McKay Focused Analysis

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This is a reflection of my own work, except for authorized collaborative assignments and activities. I acknowledge that if work submitted to your portfolio evaluation column is found to be unfairly copied or “adapted” from another’s work, this is an act of plagiarism and subject to academic penalties. The same applies to a student who provides/shares their work to be copied by another student.

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rsIItRmi-O-QguZwKogjufOcMjontlFEThAm_IQSfzs/edit?usp=sharing

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IBLL1 Year 1 Language & Literature Unit Reflection

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1i4T4QoqFcj0KxEaPlbnP5e5X8pybihbyUdnv9ZM_hdg/edit?usp=sharing

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zbBS7NG21nUeZzjPEbHO4Na2QUlUyWmKhGevdALe-G0/edit?usp=sharing