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from me to me.
thank you for surviving until now thank you for being invited to work together, thank you for always trying to be strong in public even though every night you can't hold your tears. Sorry, always force it to be okay even though you are actually doing nothing. I'm so happy that I can get through all of this. the point is for me, the spirit continues to give up I love me a lot.

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Dear Myself,
Hey it's such a hard years for you right? I know it's not hard. But you are gettin better now. You can control yourself way much better.
Actually you know you are stronger than you think. I don't know to thank you properly but thanks for not giving up, thanks for still here for your mom. I don't know if things gonna be better in the future but you doin great now, and I hope you still not give up on your life.
Because we don't know maybe in the next page, you will get your happiness.

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hi Abidjar? thank u 4 being a strong human all this time, u were born to be a great person cuz ur parents are also great, u're not afraid 2 try new tyngs one of which is trying 2 accept the pain & tried to hug the prickly cactus in the heat of the Sahara. but ur parents once said, if our hearts hv to accept and try it, don't hesitate to try, cuz from that ordeal u can know what gift God has prepared behind it. & ma message today, love yourself first then love others, take care of urself first bfr caring bout others don't forget to be grateful and accept whatever trials God gives, don't hesitate to try and be more enthusiastic and fight for God loves God servant who struggling and believes there will be a rainbow after the thunderstorm, tysm.

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Dear me,

Hey, how are you doing? I hope you've been doing good lately, you're a stubborn guy I know you can pass through every obstacles you faces. Mate, life has been rough and shitty on you but hear this, if life gives you lemon, make lemonade. Also I want to say thank you, for keep moving forward even though things are getting worse, feels like you want to give up but you didn't, thank you for that. One more, when you feel the vulnerability seeping through, please accept it. By embracing it doesn't mean you're weak 'cause it's never been a weakness, it's part of being strong. I hope you'll keep moving forward, mate. Love you 3000.

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Dear Maugie, terima kasih sudah bertahan hingga saat ini. I proud of you, dan aku harap Maugie bisa terus bertahan dan bersabar dalam menghadapi semoga cobaan hidup ya. yang namanya hidup ga mungkin selalu mulus kaya p*nt*t bayi, selalu ada aja batu sandungan yang bikin kamu jatuh. tapi kamu hebat banget udah bisa lewatin itu semua walau sambil nangis gapapa kok, aku harap kamu bisa cepet berdamai sama Innerchild mu juga ya Maugie? walaupun susah banget tapi aku yakin kamu bisa! aku percaya sama kemampuan kamu, terus jangan putus berdoa juga. harus rajin berdoa sama Allah SWT, curhatnya ke Allah aja ya jangan ke orang? Insyaallah Allah selalu kasih jalan untuk semua doa doa kamu.

Stay Strong anak baik, walau mungkin ada aja orang yang ga suka sama kamu. tapi jangan fokus ke mereka oke? fokus ke orang orang yang sayang kamu dengan tulus aja, semoga Maugie bisa jadi pribadi yang lebih baik lagi. jangan lupa buat bahagiain diri sendiri dulu sebelum bahagiain orang lain, I love you Maugie.

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Hai buat diriku terima kasih sudah bertahan di dunia yang penuh dengan kegilaan ini

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hi, Dyra! how was your day? buruk ya akhir2 ini? it's ok pretty, you have do your best today! akhir2 ini banyak hal yg mungkin ga sesuai keinginan kamu, ga sesuai sm apa yg kamu rencanain. pressure mu yg datang dari segala sisi, tapi kamu harus kuat ya? nangis gapapa kok, tapi jangan lupa cara buat hapus tangisnya ok? kamu udah sampe disini, banyak hal yg lebih berat yg udh kamu lakuin tapi kamu bisa loh lewatinnya, kali ini pasti bisa!
ga banyak yg mau aku sampein ke kamu, intinya, terima kasih sudah bertahan sejauh ini. terima kasih tetap mau terbang setinggi mungkin, padahal sayap mu seringkali patah. semoga di tahun2 berikutnya, kamu jadi sosok yg lebih kuat lagi dan bisa terbang lebih tinggi lagi! kita harus bisa sama2 bertahan ok? ily.

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Hey, little boy, Ai.

I know u hv struggled a lot, ur situation here must hv stressing u a lot n not to mention how ur past n how ppl treated u must hv caused u in so much pain. but u r strong, u did well for staying this long til now n thx for always finding a reason to keep living. u hv a lot of ppl that love u, n u hv a lot help here too.

My precious Aiden, please remember that you're already enough. You're good enough, you are beautiful just the way you are, you are the nicest thing happens to people around you, so stop self-sabotaging and think that you're nothing or you're not good enough for everyone, okay?

Hum.. You deserve love too! You are the best brother for everyone, for your little siblings :< so, please accept the loves they offer too, okie? Thank you for surviving n trust yourself!

Sometimes life put you in the hardest moment, it's okay to have some dark thoughts, it's a normal responses as long as you control how you act towards those thoughts. It's okay to want to give up, but don't give up for real. Even I would like to see if some of them happens for real especially the ones that is a revenge, but you hold a great sense of moral to stop yourself from doing that and it's something good.

It's okay to find a way to please yourself first, you don't have to think about anything else but yourself. Make yourself happy in any way and don't stop yourself from pleasing you. You did well on filtering your thoughts and wants, but sometimes it's ok to cheat for a moment.

Lastly, thank you for accepting yourself, your condition, and this. Not many will realize, but I'm glad you did this cause it means a healing progress from your trauma, you're accepting the help from people and you did well on surviving in this hardship moments and remember you have a lot of people that cherish you and love you. I know past and present are not being nice to you, but you have a lot of good people here to love you. Thank you for existing and surviving. You deserve the love and support. Let's keep this up and heal the wounds one by one, okay?

Everything is hard and every moments that passed left us a lot of regrets and pain. I might still not able to heal all of it, fix everything, all the negative mindset to myself, but I have made a lot progress on this, by making this, by making it visible enough with all the messages. It might seem as a flaw, as a dysfunction, but it's also a coping way, it's beautiful inside. Every fractions, every scars, it's like a beautiful kintsugi craft. It's still hard for now to see it that way, but I have a lot of good things in my life too and they're the gold tracing that makes me as a whole beautiful broken pieces.

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Terima kasih sudah bertahan sejauh ini, jangam lupa selalu bersyukur dan selalu love yourself ❤️ kamu sudah menjadi yang terbaik versi kamu jangan selalu merasa kurang yaa ❤️