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Welcome to Sex Ed for Self-Advocates This guide is a sexuality and sex education resource written specifically for autistic people age 15 and up. Autistic people sometimes don’t have the chance to learn about sexuality and sex in ways that work for them, so OAR created this guide as a starting point…

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Dean Beadle is an autistic conference speaker, writer and singer. He has delivered over 900 talks in seven countries and has sung at balls, festivals and conferences in the UK, Ireland and Denmark. He is gay and can often be found adorned in tassels and sequins.
OK, I know you must be thinking "what on earth can some bloke in his thirties tell me about being a teenager?" How can someone old enough to remember Woolworths, Wizardora and Wendy Richard tell you anything about being a teenager in 2022? And you'd be right. It has been a hot minute since I was a teenager, and I'd be the first to admit that I know precious little about growing up in today's world. BUT what I do know about is the process of making sense of your neurodivergence and your sexuality all at the same time. So, whilst we are from different generations, give me a chance, even if there's just one of the following five points that's useful in here, then it's worth giving this blog a go.
1. You are allowed to be who you are
Whether you are homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, asexual, queer... there is no shame in whatever sexuality you are. Thankfully the world is more accepting of sexuality now than it used to be (although of course there's still lots of room for improvement). When I was growing up, we lived in a very binary world. The expectation was that you were either straight or gay (although of course being gay was still difficult due to it being a more homophobic time). Thankfully we now realise sexuality is a spectrum made up of tonnes of sexualities. However you identify is OK and you deserve to be accepted because of who you are not despite it.
2. The answers will develop over time
Us autistic folk are no fans of uncertainty. Of course you may want to have definite answers around who you are, and it can be hugely distressing to be processing questions that you don't have immediate answers to. But unfortunately sexuality and identity tends to be something we work out as we go along. It takes time to make sense of who you are. Sexuality is an ongoing process of understanding. You are allowed to evolve and grow in your own time.
3. There's no hurry
At the age of seventeen I wanted a boyfriend. Immediately. If I could have ordered one on Deliveroo I would have done, with a side order of happy ever after. And chips, of course. Always chips. At that time, I'd been having a tough time with my mental health and thought that securing myself a fella would be the magic wand that would solve everything. How wrong can you be? A relationship can be a life enhancing wonderful thing, but it was never going to magic away my mental health challenges. I was vulnerable and was at risk of rushing into something for all the wrong reasons. Dating can also be an unpredictable process. Will it work out? Will we end up in a relationship? Because of my autistic need for certainty, I'd try to skip through the process of getting to know the person and jump straight into a relationship. As a result, I ended up in short lived relationships with people who weren't the best fit for me (my record for the shortest was three days, which surely is some sort of world record??) What I am saying is, there is no hurry, you have all the time in the world to find someone should you be interested in a relationship. And when that time comes, take your time to make sure that whatever relationship you eventually get into is right for you and that you are with the right person. It's worth the wait in the long run. Equally, you may never want to be in a relationship, and that's a perfectly valid choice too.
4. S.E.X
Yep, I'm going to go there and make us all very uncomfortable for a few minutes. Sorry about that, but here comes the sex talk. There can feel like there is enormous pressure to have sex. We're often made to feel that it's compulsory part of growing up. But it's important to remember that sex is always optional. You don't ever have to have sex if you don't want to. (Oh and by the way, the 'sex' that is often depicted on adult websites does not remotely reflect what happens in real life, those are fantasy images that are heavily choreographed and scripted and do not reflect what sex is like in real life). OK, that's enough sex chat for now, I'm making myself cringe so heaven knows how you're feeling, but remember that everybody has the right to set their own boundaries around what they do and don't want to do with their bodies and have a right to have those boundaries respected.
5. Autistic Pride
As a pre-teen, I remember being obsessed with the concept of "normal". I distinctly remember comparing myself to my classmates and being sure that I was the odd one out. Over time I grew to realise that 'normal' is a harmful myth, and that all the things that made me 'stand out' were the things that made me who I am. I grew to celebrate being autistic. So, the last piece of advice I'd give you, is to say that you are fabulous because you are autistic and never despite it. There may be folk you'll encounter who will react to you negatively. Try not to internalise that. Their ignorance and lack of understanding is never your fault. That's on THEM. Over time, you'll find your people. People who understand and celebrate you because of who you are. Anyone who doesn't can get in the bin.

Being a teenager is a weird old time, but it's survivable and, it's not all bad. It's an unsettling time of change, but trust the process, have pride in who you are and surround yourself with people who value you and respect you. You're already wonderful just the way you are.

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Being an autistic teen navigating sexuality by Dean Beadle - Reachout ASC

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Dean Beadle is an autistic conference speaker, writer and singer. He has delivered over 900 talks in seven countries and has sung at balls, festivals and conferences in the UK, Ireland and Denmark. He is gay and can often be found adorned in tassels and sequins.

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Meet other autistic people from the LGBTQ+ community, and share your experiences.

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Like autism, gender identity and sexual orientation exist on a spectrum.

The unique experience of being young, autistic and LGBTQ+ has often been overlooked. We recognise there hasn't been enough LGBTQ+ specific resources in the autistic community.

Some research suggests that gender identity and sexuality are more varied in autistic people. Being LGBTQ+ and autistic are two identities that co-exist, and being autistic does not change any LGBTQ + identity.

To support autistic young people in understanding themselves and others, we have worked closely with LGBTQ+ autistic young people to produce articles and visual stories, based on their own experiences.

In this video, three of our Youth Network members open up about their experiences of being an LGBTQ+ autistic young person ; from finding events that are inclusive for the autistic community, to following LGBTQ+ content creators online.

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Ambitious about Autism is the national charity for children and young people with autism. We provide services, raise awareness and understanding, and campaign for change. Through TreeHouse School, The Rise School and Ambitious College we offer specialist education and support.

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If you are autistic, you have probably heard of masking and/or camouflaging. In a broad sense, it's the process of changing or concealing one's natural personality in order to "fit in", or perhaps more specifically in order to be perceived as neurotypical.

Although both these terms are often used interchangeably, research from the last few years has shown that there are a few distinct subcategories of camouflaging. Masking is only one of those subtypes, and arguably isn't the most insidious of the three. So let's explore camouflaging and autism.

Camouflaging

Camouflaging is of course a powerful evolutionary tactic used by many animals to disguise their appearance in order to avoid detection (called crypsis), or to imitate other animals so as to deter predators (called Batesian mimicry). Similarly, social camouflaging refers to strategies used to blend into our social surroundings, or present ourselves as different from who we are. Unlike physical camouflaging, however, it is not so much about being rendered completely invisible, but to camouflage behaviors that might make us stand out in some way. Camouflaging and mimicry is used to be seen in a way that is deemed appropriate by the group(s) we want to be included in.

Some extent of camouflaging is probably inherent to human interaction; we learn social skills to improve social interaction, we adhere to social conventions that may not make complete sense to us, and we adjust our behavior as the situation demands. For example, we tend to behave differently at work than at home. But for some people, the need to camouflage is a lot less superficial. Of course, the need to camouflage is proportional to how strange your behavior is perceived to be by your surroundings. And since autism is generally not very well understood by non-professionals-and even many professionals, honestly-it is us autistic people who find we often have a greater need to camouflage.

For other people camouflaging might mean acting, talking, and/or dressing a certain way in order to fit in with a social group of their preference. And while this probably pertains to autistic people as well, our need to camouflage tends to go deeper; because autistic people often have to camouflage their autistic behaviors, so as to minimize the visibility of one's autism in social situations.

Autistic people also show a fear response to calm chemicals, so whereas social situations may be fun for some, for autistic people anxiety is likely to come up more readily, either from social interactions with people you don't know, or an environment that provides a high level of sensory stimulation. As a result, one might seclude oneself more, or stay with the social situations and in all likelihood camouflage more. Either strategy has its consequences; camouflaging is using strategies to fight against potential ostracization,* while avoiding social situations may be an act of self-ostracization.† I will explain later in this post what the (potential) consequences of maintaining this fight are.

To read more about a fear response to calm chemicals, have a look at:

Reasons for camouflaging

In 2019, Eilidh Cage and Zoe Troxell-Whitman published a study that looked into the reasons autistic adults have for camouflaging. In the table below you can see various reasons for camouflaging, and loading scores, which give a measure of how significant that item is as a reason for camouflaging in autistic adults.

To communicate your ideas or work

0.831

To perform well at your job or at university

0.791

To aid working with classmates or colleagues

0.736

To get others to take you, your ideas, or work seriously

0.731

To reduce awkwardness in social interactions

0.551

To demonstrate that I am a responsible person

0.477

But I think more telling were the participants' responses when they were asked what other factors cause them to camouflage. They followed 5 major themes:

Camouflaging subtypes

Based on research from 2018 by Laura Hull et al., the following 3 subcategories of camouflaging were defined:

Compensation - Strategies used to actively compensate for difficulties in social situations.
Examples: copying body language and facial expressions, learning social cues from movies and books (see Autism & movie talk).

Masking - Strategies used to hide autistic characteristics or portray a non-autistic persona.
Examples: adjusting face and body to appear confident and/or relaxed, forcing eye contact.

Assimilation - Strategies used to try to fit in with others in social situations.
Examples: Putting on an act, avoiding or forcing interactions with others.

In the diagram below, you can see all 25 items of the social camouflaging model; 9 for compensation, 8 for masking, and 9 for assimilation.

Based on the social camouflaging model, the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire ( CAT-Q) was developed. For more information on the validity of the model, how autistics and neurotypicals score on the CAT-Q, or if you want to take the test yourself, have a look at the following post:

Consequences of camouflaging

Research from 2017 by Laura Hull et al. indicates that motivations for camouflaging include fitting in and increasing connections with others. The short- and long-term consequences of camouflaging, they show, include exhaustion, challenging stereotypes, and threats to self-perception. So it's interesting that the very attempt to increase connections with others by means of masking leads to a disconnected or distorted self.

Here is a list of the consequences of camouflaging as reported by various studies, as well as autistic people themselves:

Research from 2020 by Jonathan Beck et al. also showed that for women who reported above-average levels of camouflaging:

Camouflaging was associated with having thoughts about suicide and struggling to function in everyday life.

Trying to camouflage autistic traits was associated with mental health challenges, regardless of whether those traits were very mild or more severe.

I also wrote a more narrative-driven article on the consequences of masking, which you can read here:

Consequences by subtype

Now that I've covered both the subcategories of camouflaging and the consequences, I want to talk a bit more about the consequences of the subcategories. People often stress the consequences of masking, but if I look at the items of the social camouflaging model above, masking doesn't seem to be the most insidious. Whether by design or happenstance, the subcategories actually seem to be listed in order of least to most harmful to the self. Here is my assessment of the three subcategories:

Compensation

Compensation is basically the acquisition and application of social skills through internalizing scripts. I would say this is nothing more than learning and using social skills. However, it's compensating in that it's an effort to internalize social rules that aren't intuitive to us. Since it takes a deliberate effort to respond appropriately in social settings, it can be immensely exhausting to participate. Compensation probably doesn't go directly at the expense of the self. Yet the draining nature of this process can still impact our mental health.

Speaking for myself, back when I worked at a design studio, at the end of the day I would come home absolutely exhausted; I would rest for two hours, then do some grocery shopping, and then eat and rest some more. And it's not that I act like a social butterfly at work. I get completely drained just being around my colleagues, trying to anticipate what they say and respond appropriately, and have the occasional social exchange during lunch. On Fridays, my bosses and colleagues would stop working early and go outside to enjoy a beer together. I would always stay in the studio and continue working. My bosses were puzzled by that. Why wouldn't I join them and be social? I wouldn't because it takes too much out of me to stand there and think of things to say. Besides, I don't like beer. I got a lot more satisfaction out of getting some work done than out of socializing with my colleagues.

By compensating less, I get drained less. But as a consequence, it's a lot harder for me to develop emotional relationships with colleagues, classmates, etc. And looking at the group dynamics, I noticed that made a difference. My colleagues and bosses liked me, but since I was less approachable to them, I would be included less in discussions, jokes, and probably even projects and job opportunities.

Masking is the active suppression of the telltale signs of anxiety and (other) autistic features in order to maintain the appearance of confidence and social prowess. If you look at the individual items of masking listed in the social camouflaging model, they don't seem that insidious. For example, monitoring your face and body to appear interested in others is something presumably most people do. But what if your face looks naturally uninterested, so your neutral look often causes awkward situations or even ends up hurting people? What if your tendency to look away from other people's eyes is perceived as you showing deception or a lack of confidence?

Yes, we all regulate our responses to each other. But while a lot of our social behaviors are intuitively understood by others, people aren't trained to understand autistic social behaviors. Since our autonomic responses can deviate from what people expect, autistic people are often confronted with the choice to inhibit their intuitive responses, and express themselves in ways we've learned other people have come to expect. As you can imagine, this is even more draining to maintain. And it's a lot less superficial than compensation. Compensation is trying to keep up with others socially. But masking is hiding aspects of ourselves in order to fit in, or simply to make social interactions go smoothly. If we don't mask, we risk being excluded.

For me, masking is too much. If I focus too much on assessing the emotional states of others, anticipating them, and responding in a way they appreciate or expect, I have less brainpower to dedicate to the content of what I want to share. But as a consequence, people would find me unapproachable, and I would be left out of many things. I particularly noticed this at the art academy. When it came to projects where we had to form groups to work together, I was generally one of the few people that found no people to work with. Oh there were plenty of people I would love to have grouped with, but they already grouped with other people. Yet people did come to me for ideas, so it's not that people didn't want to work with me because I lacked talent. I noticed a big difference in our motivations for working with others; I wanted to work with people that had great ideas and knew how to execute them, while my classmates seemed largely driven by social factors. They wanted to work with people they clicked with.

If you mask less, as an autistic person you might find people click with you less, which can have a lot of consequences for personal relationships, your career, and more. But if you mask more, you may start feeling like you have to alter who you really are for people to like engaging with you.

Assimilation

Assimilation is all about trying to fit in. This is masking on a much deeper level, as it's no longer about covering up some proclivities, but about presenting as someone you are not, so as to avoid being excluded. In assimilation, you have to force yourself to engage socially, or avoid it altogether. To the extent you do force yourself to engage, you basically have to put up a performance. Some autistic women reported they consciously "cloned" themselves based on a popular girl in their class whilst at school, and would imitate their conversational style, intonation, movements, dress-style, interests, and other mannerisms, in minute detail.

Personally, I have little experience with this, simply because it's way too draining and difficult for me to do and maintain. But a very distinct risk of assimilation is also that you can lose sight of who you are. As I wrote in Masking: is it good or bad?, the more you present yourself as someone else, the less time you spend being who you actually are, resulting in the gradual diminishment of the self. This will have a major impact on both your sense of self and your mental health in general. Research from 2020 by Sarah Cassidy et al. indicated that assimilation, in particular, is significantly correlated with suicidal thoughts and behaviors. So when people talk about the dangers of masking, they are most likely describing assimilation in particular.

Camouflaging is a common social strategy in autism. Some of it is part of social skills, but a substantial part of camouflaging negatively impacts autistic people's wellbeing, either because it constantly drains them, or because it actively eats at their soul. And while you may hear a lot about masking, interestingly but also worryingly, autistic people actually score highest on assimilation-the most insidious aspect of camouflaging.

For more information on how autistic people and neurotypicals score on camouflaging, or if you want to find out how you score, have a look at the post below.

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If you are autistic, you have probably heard of masking and/or camouflaging. In a broad sense, it's the process of changing or concealing one's natural personality in order to "fit in", or perhaps more specifically in order to be perceived as neurotypical.

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Autism in Women and AFAB People | Neurodivergent Insights

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Women and AFAB individuals are less likely to be diagnosed with Autism, yet face higher risks of co-occurring conditions. Dr Neff explores the diagnostic barriers and challenges.

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Dr Damian Milton discusses the theory of double empathy and the implications for practice

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Cultural and linguistic factors may influence appropriateness and/or relevance of benchmarks. Variability may exist in the acquisition of milestones due to a number of factors (e.g., linguistic diversity and neurodiversity).

Birth to 12 Months

prefers looking at human face and eyes

prefers listening to human voice

looks for the source of voice

differentiates between tones of voice (e.g., angry, friendly)

smiles back at the caregiver

follows the caregiver's gaze

participates in preverbal vocal turn-taking with the caregiver

vocalizes to get attention

demonstrates joint attention skills (sharing attention)

uses gestures to make requests and direct attention

plays simple interactive games, such as peekaboo

seeks comfort or a safe haven from the caregiver

expresses feelings

develops object permanence

discriminates facial expressions

fears strangers

develops relational memory (faces/voices)

changes behavior to achieve a goal

imitates gestures or oral movements

12-18 Months

develops a range of communicative intentions (e.g., requesting, protesting, commenting)

brings objects to show caregivers

requests by pointing and vocalizing

solicits attention vocally

practices vocal inflection

says "bye" and other ritualized words

protests by shaking head and/or saying "no"

supplements gestures with verbal language

is aware of the social value of speech

responds to others' speech with eye contact

demonstrates sympathy, empathy, and sharing nonverbally

shows joy, fear, and anger

displays an increase in autonomy

resists control

co-regulates interactions

18-24 Months

uses single words to express intention

uses single and paired words to command, indicate possession, express problems, and gain attention

participates in verbal turn-taking with a limited number of turns

demonstrates simple topic control

interrupts at syntactic junctures or in response to prosodic cues

demonstrates secure or insecure attachment pattern

exhibits emotion and behavioral regulation

demonstrates an increase in autonomy

develops emerging implicit perceptual access reasoning

shows daily routine schemes in play

24-36 Months

engages in short dialogues

verbally introduces and changes topic

expresses emotion

begins to use language in an imaginative way

relates own experiences

begins to provide descriptive details to enhance listener understanding

uses attention-getting words

clarifies and asks for clarification

uses some politeness terms or markers

begins to demonstrate some adaptation of speech to different listeners

can deceive and detect deception

understands that others may feel differently than oneself

follows rules

shows common but not daily schemes in play (e.g., doctor, shopping)

uses embedded requests

3-4 Years

engages in longer dialogues

anticipates next turn at talking

terminates conversation; appropriately role-plays

uses fillers-such as "yeah" and "okay"- to acknowledge a partner's message

begins code-switching and uses simpler language when talking to very young children

uses more elliptical responses, such as "Mommy went home, I didn't"

requests permission

begins using language for fantasies, jokes, and teasing

makes conversational repairs when not understood and corrects others

infers information from a story and infers indirect meanings

uses primitive narratives-events follow from the central core

uses inferences in stories

4-5 Years

uses indirect requests; correctly uses deictic terms (e.g., this, that, here, there)

uses twice as many effective utterances as 3-year-olds to discuss emotions and feelings

uses narrative development characterized by unfocused chains-stories have a sequence of events but no central character or theme

develops basic understanding of theory of mind, including judgment that another person may have a belief that differs from the truth

shifts topics rapidly

shows fantasy schemes in play

understands that beliefs can result in predictable emotions

understands that someone may feel the same way when experiencing a similar event

uses comissives/promises

School-Age Years (6-12 Years)

demonstrates increased understanding of theory of mind (predicting what one person is thinking about what another person is thinking or feeling; understands strategies to hide deceit, recognizes sarcasm)

provides assistance and demonstrates altruism

uses narrative development characterized by causally sequenced events using "story grammar"

demonstrates improved conversational skills (e.g., topic maintenance, repair, and increased number of turns)

extends topic of conversation

demonstrates refined social conventions

demonstrates metapragmatic skills-child is able to think about social and conversational rules

uses language for varied functions, including persuading and advancing one's opinion

understands that people can feel multiple emotions at the same time

practices increased self-regulation

uses indirect requests

uses inferential language

uses ambiguous language (figurative)

uses sarcasm

uses double meanings (puns)

Older Adolescence Into Adulthood

uses verbal and nonverbal language competently and flexibly

navigates multiple registers flexibly and fluidly

demonstrates refined understanding and use of nonverbal behavior

can explain idioms and nuanced figurative language

develops close friendships and romantic relationships

continues to develop empathy

Related Research

Adams, C. (2002). Practitioner review: The assessment of pragmatics. The Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 43(8), 973-987. https://doi.org/10.1111/1469-7610.00226

Gard, A., Gilman, L., & Gorman, J. (1993). Speech and language development chart (2nd ed.). Pro-Ed.

Hwa-Froelich, D. A. (in press). Social communication development and disorders (2nd ed.). Taylor & Francis.

Russel, R. L. (2007). Social communication impairments: Pragmatics. Pediatric Clinics of North America, 54(3), 483-506. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pcl.2007.02.016

Wellman, H. M., Fang, F., & Peterson, C. C. (2011). Sequential progressions in a theory-of-mind scale: Longitudinal perspectives. Child Development, 82(3), 780-792. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2011.01583.x

Westby, C., & Robinson, L. (2014). A developmental perspective for promoting theory of mind. Topics in Language Disorders, 34(4), 362-382. https://doi.org/10.1097/TLD.0000000000000035

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Cultural and linguistic factors may influence appropriateness and/or relevance of benchmarks. Variability may exist in the acquisition of milestones due to a number of factors (e.g., linguistic diversity and neurodiversity).

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Social Situation Mapping: Making Sense of the Social World

Product Code: ISBN 13:

9781936943944

Social Situation Mapping: Making Sense of the Social World

previously Social Behavior Mapping

Helping Learners Understand and Make Choices in the Social World

by Michelle Garcia Winner and Pamela Crooke.

What's happening around us influences our thoughts, feelings, and responses. Social Situation Mapping (formerly Social Behavior Mapping), a core teaching framework within the Social Thinking® Methodology, uses visual templates to encourage learners to engage social observation for figuring out what to do and say (or not do and say) based on a particular situation: where we are, who is present, and what is happening. The maps also outline a fundamental teaching framework we call the Social Emotional Chain Reaction, which shows how we all impact one another when sharing space. The maps are meant to be taught from the perspective of the student or client to provide options for what to do or say in common situations. We encourage educators, therapists, and parents to jointly generate unique maps alongside the student or client based on their individual goals.

Revised, retitled, and updated with our most current teaching, Social Situation Mapping includes:

80+ completed Social Situation Maps (SSMs) to explore 40+ practical everyday situations that happen at school, home, and in the community.

Maps with blank spaces for students to add their own ideas and observations.

Maps with options to honour neurodivergent choices or strategies. Some options are also inclusive of learning differences and/or disabilities.

One blank map template that can be photocopied and used again and again. The completed maps within this book can also be used as guideposts as learners generate their own maps and figure out a path through the lens of their social goals or desires.

A description of the Social Emotional Chain Reaction (SECR), the foundational concept taught in Social Situation Mapping.

The 10-Step Visual Fidelity and Teaching Guide.

Ages: 8+
Pages: 108
Format: Paperback
ISBN: 9781936943944
Published: 2023

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Social Situation Mapping: Making Sense of the Social World

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previously Social Behavior MappingHelping Learners Understand and Make Choices in the Social Worldby Michelle Garcia Winner and Pamela Crooke. What's happening

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The SoSAFE! Tools (together with SoSAFE! User Training) provide teachers, trainers and counsellors with skills and simple visual tools to enhance the social, social-sexual and social safety training of people with moderate to severe intellectual disability.

SoSAFE! uses a standardised framework of symbols, visual teaching tools and concepts to teach strategies for moving into intimate relationships in a safe and measured manner, and provides visual communication tools for reporting physical or sexual abuse.

SoSAFE! tools are designed on the basis of best special education practice to reduce vulnerability to sexual abuse, and improve the quality of social life of people with a moderate to severe intellectual disability.

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Tools for people with a intellectual disability.

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The SoSAFE! Tools (together with SoSAFE! User Training) provide teachers, trainers and counsellors with skills and simple visual tools to enhance the social, social-sexual and social safety training of people with moderate to severe intellectual disability. SoSAFE!

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Personal boundaries: why they're important for children

Personal boundaries are limits and rules about how we behave around others and how other people behave around us. Your personal boundaries might reflect how you feel about touching other people, what you feel comfortable saying to other people about yourself, and so on.

When children learn about their own and other people's personal boundaries, it helps them understand how to behave in different social situations.

An understanding of personal boundaries also helps children recognise inappropriate behaviour. And this can help them stay safe from child sexual abuse.

Circle of friends: how it helps children understand personal boundaries

A circle of friends is a picture that shows different people in your child's life. Your child is in the middle, and people are in concentric circles around your child. Family members are closest to your child, and strangers are furthest away.

A circle of friends helps your child understand the different people in their life. For example, it helps your child understand:

what their relationship is with these people

how they should behave with these people

what behaviour is OK from these people.

Here's an example of a circle of friends picture. Download and print a PDF version of this circle of friends example (PDF: 379kb).

What you need for a circle of friends activity

You and your child can do a circle of friends activity together.

You'll need:

a large piece of paper

pencils or felt tip pens.

You might also need photos of your family and your child's friends.

How to do a circle of friends activity with your child
Creating a circle of friends

1. Start with a big piece of paper and ask your child to draw a picture of themselves in the middle. Or they could stick a photo of themselves there. Ask your child to draw a circle around themselves.

2. Draw a larger circle around your child's circle. In this circle add the people who are closest to your child - for example, the family they live with. Your child could write their names, draw pictures of them or stick on photos of them.

3. Draw a larger circle around the first 2 circles. In this circle add people who are close to your child but not quite as close as those in the first circle. They could be extended family or your child's best friends. Talk with your child about who to include.

4. Draw another circle around the others and add acquaintances. These are people your child knows but isn't close friends with. They could be people in your child's wider group of friends, in their class at school, on their sports team, or family friends. Talk with your child about who to include.

5. Draw another circle and add professionals and other people whose jobs are to help your child. They might be teachers, doctors or carers.

6. In the outside circle add strangers. These are people your child doesn't know.

Using the circle of friends to help your child understand personal boundaries
Once you've added people to each of the circles, talk with your child about how your child should behave with people in each circle.

You could ask questions like these:

How would you greet people in this circle?

Which people would it be OK to kiss or hug?

Who would you invite to your house for dinner?

Who could you talk to if you're worried about something?

Could you sit in this person's lap?

You can use this activity to help your child stay safe from sexual abuse. To do this, you can ask your child questions about how other people should behave around them. For example:

Which people can hug or kiss you?

Which people can hold your hand?

Which people can collect you from school?

You could also create an 'Is it all right to ... ?' table. Use ticks and crosses to show what it's OK to do with people in the different circles. This can also be a useful visual support for autistic children. They could keep the table in their room to look at when they need to.

Adapting this activity for children of different ages or children with diverse abilities

Your younger child, child with disability, autistic child or child with other additional needs might need support to think of who should go into each circle. You can suggest types of people, like people who help your child. Ask your child whether they can think of anyone else to include.

Your younger child might also need help drawing the pictures and circles. Try to guide your child by holding their hand while drawing the circle, rather than just doing it for them.

Your older child might want to do the activity more independently. Your child could add people to the circles, and then you could talk with your child about why they've chosen those people. Encourage your child to think about any people they might have missed.

All children learn and develop through play. Our articles on play and autistic children and play and children with disability are great starting points for adapting this activity guide for children with diverse abilities. You might also like to explore our activity guides for children with diverse abilities.

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Circle of friends: personal boundaries activity for children 3-15 years

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A circle of friends activity shows different people in a child's life. It helps children learn about personal boundaries and stay safe from sexual abuse.

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So you want to learn about neurodiversity, how to be a better ally and lean into supporting your child in an affirming way. Here are some resources to support your journey.

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Young Person Voice Tools - Barriers to Education

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Barriers to Education practical tools: co-produced with young people to explore needs, build trust and apply WARMTH. Includes card sorts, mapping, audits and creative approaches.

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Breaking learning down into smaller chunks can make it feel less overwhelming and more achievable. Using a visual reminder of keeping safe means focusing on positive targets. By writing up the task for the period and the steps to achieve it again reduces anxiety and gives a clear path to success.
Class target sheet Science Target sheet Home Economics Target Sheet Technical target sheet

Huge thanks to everyone!

We're back!!
Changes to Self Isolation Jan 2022
This is based on information from the Scottish Government website and can be found here.
reasonable adjustments
Coronavirus (COVID-19) update: First Minister's statement - 5 January 2022 - gov.scot (www.gov.scot) (last viewed 6/1/22)

This is not our information, we have only visualised the information. If you have questions regarding the rules please contact your elected officials.

Reasonable adjustments are what we change in order to become more equitable or just. This may be something like building a ramp into a building to make it more accessible or it could be something providing access to ear defenders when there is a planned fire alarm. By giving young people the opportunity to work out what they need, allows them opportunities to advocate for themselves as they get older.

We use this in class and pupils circle what they need in order for them to be able to access and take part in the learning activities.

We use this one to support pupils when they are unable to verbally express themselves. These are cut into cards and put onto a key ring. The pupil then sits this on their desk with the card facing up, when they have something to communicate.

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Communication Friendly Environments – We are here to help you adapt your environment to ensure it is communication friendly. There are lots of ways to do this. We will focus mainly on the use of visuals. Find us on twitter @SchoolsNlc

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September 23, 2023 by Mrs Young 0 comments

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A website about autism, for autistic young people - so that everyone can gain a better understanding of what autism actually is.

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Discover Minecraft Education resources for educators. Explore fun challenges, immersive worlds, STEM lessons and other useful tools and resources for educators.

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Cherry Garden Branch Maps Here at Cherry Garden School, we have developed a bespoke assessment package for children with SEN and complex needs. The Cherry Garden Branch Maps are based on years of SEN teaching experience and are targeted at children who are working below Year 1 expectations.

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Our online workshops and courses are here to support you through the challenges of day-to-day life, whenever you may need it. They’re all free to join and are presented by our own expert clinicians, covering a vast range of topics.

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Wellbeing is important to us all. We want to feel good about ourselves, to get the most out of our lives and feel connected to other people. 'Wellbeing' means feeling more than just happy and confident, it means feeling able to cope when things get tough in our lives or when our physical health suffers.

Norfolk and Waveney Talking Therapies provide a range of support for people with common mental health and emotional issues, such as low mood, depression, or stress. We work with you to help you make the necessary changes to improve your wellbeing and quality of life.

Our services are free and are available to people aged 16 and over living in Norfolk & Waveney.

If you are aged 16 and over you can access our support through your GP or any other health or social care professional, or you can self-refer using the form on this website or by calling us:
0300 123 1503

Our phone lines are open 8am to 8pm Monday-Friday.

If you are aged 15 or under, talk to your GP about what other services are available to you.

Services we provide include:
Support available in your area

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Wellbeing is important to us all. We want to feel good about ourselves, to get the most out of our lives and feel connected to other people. 'Wellbeing' means feeling more than just happy and confident, it means feeling able to cope when things get tough in our lives or when our physical health suffers.

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Youth Early Support Service (YESS) Norfolk

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Our YESS team supports young people aged 10 - 18 across Norfolk recognising that young people are experts in their own lives.

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As part of our virtual learning sessions, experience the soothing benefits of story massage, a unique blend of calming storytelling and gentle massage techniques.

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From tactile elements to auditory cues, these stories offer an inclusive storytelling experience that develops the imagination and brings the tales to life for our young people.

In this section, you'll find a wide range of age-appropriate stories, each paired with sensory stimuli to create a truly enchanting, meaningful experience. Additionally, we provide a list of alternative resources that you can explore right at home.

For more information on the benefits of sensory stories, we invite you to follow this link to Joanna Grace's 'The Sensory Project.' Discover the wonders of sensory storytelling and let the story unfold for you and your child!

More information on the benefits of sensory stories by Joanna Grace

Sensory stories activities
Download: Bear Hunt Tactile Exploration Story Download: Cinderella Download: Coronavirus Sensory Story Download: Easter story Download: Ideas for alternative Sensory Story resources at home Download: Jack and the flumflum tree Download: Leaf Man Download: Little Seed Download: Paper dolls Download: Rainy day Download: The Owl and the Pussy cat Download: The Sound Collector Download: The Turtle Relaxation Story Download: The Very Hungry Caterpillar Download: Windy Mindy - adapted for home David Walliams

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Immerse yourself in the magical world of sensory stories, where interactive narratives engage the senses and promote multi-sensory exploration. Download our activities as part of our virtual learning programme.

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Sensory-based cooking classes | The Children’s Trust

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Embark on a culinary adventure with our sensory-based virtual learning cooking experiences, specially designed to engage all the senses and make cooking a delightful and inclusive experience for children of all abilities.

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Sensory activities | The Children’s Trust

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In our sensory-based activities you will find a diverse collection of virtual learning experiences that allow for sensory exploration, ranging from pamper sessions to the making of homemade goo.

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Norfolk Schools and Learning Providers - Norfolk County Council

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Sensory Circuits OMG - Norfolk Schools and Learning Providers - Norfolk County Council

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Sensory Circuits provide a sequence of activities done repeatedly to provide the child/ young person with the right sensory input to calm and organise them for the day ahead.

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Can’t Not Won’t: A Story About A Child Who Couldn’t Go To School

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Buy Can’t Not Won’t: A Story About A Child Who Couldn’t Go To School Illustrated by Fricker, Eliza (ISBN: 9781839975202) from Amazon’s Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

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Monotropism is a theory of autism developed by autistic people, initially by Dinah Murray and Wenn Lawson. Monotropic minds tend to have their attention pulled more strongly towards a smaller number of interests at any given time, leaving fewer resources for other processes.

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Autistic and ADHD life as a paradox: a personal perspective

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Ella shares their story of being diagnosed with both autism and ADHD as an adult

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Access denied | www.additudemag.com used Cloudflare to restrict access | www.additudemag.com | Cloudflare

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New DfE guidance on restrictive interventions, including use of reasonable force in schools

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Norfolk Portage service - Norfolk County Council

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Home-based education for pre-school age children with additional needs

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Anxiety - resonable adjustments to reduce exclusions

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Anxiety - resonable adjustments to reduce exclusions

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Communicating Without DemandsWhen we think about language, we often focus on asking questions or giving directions. But there’s another way we communicate that plays a key role in speech therapy—declarative language. Unlike commands or questions, declarative language is about sharing thoughts, observations, and experiences without demanding a response or action.What is Declarative Language?Declarative language invites connection by commenting and observing rather than giving instructions. It doe

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The Power Of Declarative Language For Neurodivergent Communicators | Life Skills Advocate

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Declarative Language reduces pressure and builds social understanding for neurodivergent teens and young adults. Learn how to use it with simple steps.

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ASCT Getting Started Guide - Declarative Language

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PDA Society - Pathological Demand Avoidance

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Supporting a PDA learner as an individual educator can feel daunting at first - particularly if their needs challenge traditional teaching approaches. But the most important starting point isn't a toolkit of strategies - it's a shift in mindset. When you see demand avoidance not as opposition but as a signal of distress or anxiety, everything changes.

Building trust before learning

Trust isn't automatic, especially for PDA students who may have had negative experiences in previous settings. For many, learning simply isn't possible until they feel emotionally safe and have 'trusted staff' available who can listen and help. That means putting connection before content - collaborate by spending time getting to know the student as a person, not just as a learner. Ask what helps and what doesn't. Explore their interests. Respect how they describe themselves, and don't push for disclosure if they're not ready. Self-advocacy isn't always possible so ask family members to support and advise where appropriate too.

Working together with students and families doesn't always come naturally - especially when there's a lot of stress and uncertainty. But partnership is the key to success. As Dr Ross Greene, who developed the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions approach, says:

"Kids do well if they can. If they can't, we adults need to figure out what's getting in their way, so we can help."

This simple idea helps us move away from blame and towards curiosity - asking what's behind the behaviour, and how we can reduce the demands or triggers that are getting in the way. Dr Greene's work is full of practical tools and gentle reminders that collaboration is a skill - one that takes practice.

Sometimes relationships don't click right away - and that's okay. If a student doesn't respond well to one adult, try offering other options for support. Having more than one trusted adult can also help when staff are absent or simply need a break.

Making your classroom and learning areas a safe sensory space

For many PDA learners, the sensory environment plays a huge part in how safe or overwhelmed they feel. Spaces that feel noisy, unpredictable or over-stimulating can increase anxiety and make it harder to focus, stay regulated or even remain in the learning area. Supporting sensory needs isn't just about specialist equipment - it's about giving students autonomy, reducing demands, and creating a culture that listens and adapts.

These ideas can help make your learning areas feel more comfortable and reduce the chances of a student reaching crisis point.

Create low-demand safe spaces. If possible, make sure there's somewhere nearby where a student can go to decompress, or let off steam. The space needs to be genuinely optional, not scheduled into a timetable, and offered with sensitivity and choice having been agreed together beforehand.

Offer discreet ways to ask for help. Some students may find it hard or impossible to use an exit pass or raise their hand. Agree in advance on subtle signals or support options that work for them and don't draw attention from others. For example having a 4-colour multi-pen on the desk pushing down red for help or green for I'm ok.

Be flexible with routines. Think about which routines are essential and which could be adapted. For example, is lining up really needed? Can assemblies be optional or attended from the side of the room? Could work be finished in a quieter space or at a different time? Could lectures be recorded and watched later?

Use sensory supports with care. Not every tool works for every student. Try things out together and be open to adjusting. A wobble cushion that isn't inflated properly won't help much, and large ear defenders might feel awkward in front of peers. Work together to find low-key supports that actually are effective.

Plan for tricky moments. Sensory overload can creep up - so it helps to agree in advance what support looks like when things get too much and how to access this. This could be a movement break, time in a quiet space, a specific adult helping, or doing a different task.

Think about special events and clubs. Activities like sports day, trips or watching performances can be hugely demanding. Look at ways the student can be involved on their own terms - like helping with equipment or choosing a seat where they can leave easily if needed. Are clubs/ campus activities accessible allowing for participation in a way that feels safe, with adjustments like bringing in own food, having a leave pass.

Offer sensory input. Fidget toys/tools are often thought of as distracting but in fact can help some students to concentrate for longer.

PDAers tend to resist perceived authority, not because they want to cause disruption, but because it threatens their sense of autonomy. A collaborative approach - where you position yourself as a learning facilitator, a partner or guide rather than an authority figure - can reduce anxiety and resistance.

Instead of giving instructions, try using declarative or wondering language: "I'm wondering if this might work better..." or "Let's see what happens if we try it this way." Frame tasks as experiments or shared projects rather than obligations. Giving students real choices over where, when and how they work makes a big difference - but too many options can be overwhelming, so keep them simple and meaningful.

Being flexible with demands

Many PDAers have a low tolerance for demands, even those that seem mild or self-chosen. So it's worth asking yourself, "Does this need to happen right now?" If not, consider whether the demand can be reframed, deferred, or removed entirely. Sometimes, just changing how it's presented - moving from "I need you to..." to "Would it help to start with..." - can soften the emotional impact.

Flexibility isn't about lowering expectations. It's about adjusting the route to get there. Students often achieve more when they feel they've chosen the path themselves.

Recognising and responding to overload

Sensory, emotional and social overload can push PDA students into shutdown, refusal or distress. Be mindful of triggers - bright lights, loud environments, too many transitions, unexpected changes. Offer proactive support like flexible seating, movement breaks, or a calm space to retreat to (ideally one that they help design or choose).

If a student starts to struggle, avoid rushing in with correction or questions. Give space, lower your voice, relax your posture. Your calm presence can help restore theirs.

Parents and carers often have deep insight into their child's needs and may already have found ways to support them at home. Many families adapt routines, use flexible approaches, and support their child's autonomy as a way of reducing anxiety. This lived experience can be invaluable to education settings.

A positive working relationship with families can help ensure that approaches are consistent across home and the placement, making life more predictable for the student. This means listening without judgement, acknowledging that behaviours at home and within the setting might look different, and sharing decisions about what support looks like in practice. Keeping lines of communication open, even when things are going well, helps build trust and creates space for collaborative problem-solving.

As with all things some PDAers may respond differently preferring to have a different approach to home in order to separate the environments.

Supporting transitions and special events

Transitions and unpredictable events can be especially challenging for PDA students. Moving between classes, meeting new staff or taking part in assemblies, tutoring sessions, debates, and trips may feel like overwhelming demands.

Supporting students through transitions starts with giving clear and timely information, ideally in a format that works for them. Students should be involved in planning how they participate in special events, with flexibility built in so that they feel a sense of control. This might mean attending from the back of the room, helping instead of performing, or having a clear plan for leaving if things become too much. Regular check-ins and low-pressure conversations about what's coming up can also help students feel more prepared and less anxious.

Rethinking assessment and motivation

Praise and reward systems that work for other students may feel like pressure to PDA learners. They may worry about having to repeat success, or feel manipulated by public praise. Quiet acknowledgement, private feedback and a focus on effort over outcome can feel more respectful and effective.

Be flexible with how students show their understanding. A drawing, conversation or voice recording may say more than a worksheet ever could. Tailor assessments to fit the student - not the other way round. You might want to consider wether a presentation can be delivered to a tutor instead of a group, or if an extension might help to take away pressure for deadline assignments.

It is helpful to consider how writing on a students work for feedback maybe received. Any comments expressing judgement (postive or negative) could create a sense of threat to autonomy and could result in work being destroyed. It is worth considering using a separate sheet of paper. Red pen marking can also feel stressful and increase a demand, writing in green may offer a calmer feedback.

Assessments and formal exams can raise anxiety. Identifying and applying for appropriate access arrangements can make a real difference. It is also helpful for some students to 'run through' assessments in advance. Practice allows students to understand what they can expect and can reduce uncertainty. Here us some changes that might be helpful to students undertaking assessments include:

separate rooms,

extra time,

rest breaks,

An invigilator that's known to the student.

Further guidance on 'access arrangements, reasonable adjustments and considerations' can be found via the Joint Council for Qualifications (JCQ).

Use reflective practice to learn what works for each student; If a situation goes wrong, ask yourself: What was going on beneath the behaviour? Could the task, environment or timing have been the issue? How could I adapt things next time?

The goal isn't perfection - it's curiosity, consistency and compassion.

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Education Personal Practice - PDA Society

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Supporting a PDA learner as an individual educator can feel daunting at first - particularly if their needs challenge traditional teaching approaches. But the