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Issue: How a death of a family member can impact a family.

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Issue: How a death of a family member can impact a family.

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The overall loss of happiness in Joss house since his sister's death: (Brewer, 9).

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The overall loss of happiness in Joss house since his sister's death: (Brewer, 9).

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" He shut the trunk and lugged his bag across the lawn to the door, remembering a time when he and his family had lived in a yellow house. A house that had been filled with sunshine and laughter and love."

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The lost connection of Joss with his father: (Brewer, 7)

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The lost connection of Joss with his father: (Brewer, 7)

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" The dive from the airport had been long and silent -- a strange, indescribable tension hanging in the air between he and his dad. It was like riding in the car with a stranger who couldn't stand the sight of you. Worse, though. Far worse. Because the stranger was his father."

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" As he pulled open the screen door and lifted his bag over the threshold, he spied his mother sitting at the dining room table, that faraway look in her eyes. Joss knew that look well , as it had been growing steadily worse every day since Cecile had died. His mother was a fragile creature, in ways that she had never been fragile before."

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What the author thinks of this issue through the book.

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What the author thinks of this issue through the book.

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The way the author has the characters have grief over the death of Cecile makes me believe that the author is trying to say that death in a family can be a traumatic event that can have devastating effects on another family member and can even break a family apart as seen with Joss's family.

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I found this article that lists out how a person is effected by a death of a family member.  This supports the author idea that the death of a family member can truly devastate another family member from within.

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"Grief is a journey, often perilous and without clear direction," writes author Molly Fumia. "The experience of grieving cannot be ordered or categorized, hurried or controlled, pushed aside or ignored indefinitely. It is inevitable as breathing, as change, as love. It may be postponed, but it will not be denied."

Fumia says it well. When it comes to grieving the death of a loved one, there are no linear patterns, no "normal" reactions, no formulas to follow. The word "grief" is derived from the French word "grève," meaning a heavy burden. Indeed, the physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual implications can be overwhelming.

While grief is an expected response to a significant loss, the unfamiliar emotions that arise can lead to feelings of helplessness, fear and isolation.

Following a death, everyone works through these stresses differently. Some are instantly devastated; others feel numb and disconnected. Some withdraw socially, while others reach out for support. What's more, just when the initial shock begins to subside, a deeper sense of reality and despair sets in. Those who grieve may need to learn new skills, adopt different habits and adjust to daily life without the physical presence of the person who died.

Although grieving is an individual experience, there are symptoms many people share after suffering personal loss:

Feels physically drained

Can't sleep at night

Forgetful and unable to think clearly

Noticeable change in appetite

Physical distress such as chest pains, headaches or nausea

Stays extremely busy to avoid thinking about his or her grief

Eats, drinks watches television, etc. excessively

Participates in harmful activities

Senses or dreams about the deceased

Becomes withdrawn, lonely and apathetic

Frequent sighing and crying

Each person sets his or her own pace when grieving. There will be ups and downs, moments of relief followed by moments of anguish. The first few days after someone dies are generally the most intense, marked by chaos, strong emotions and a "dreamlike" sensation.

Over time, a host of emotions may emerge. From guilt to remorse to anger, reactions vary from person to person. It's not uncommon for grieving loved ones to ask questions like Why did this happen? Where was God? or Why didn't the doctors find the cancer sooner?

Among those mourning a death, some find the pain diminishes within weeks or months. They arrive at a place of acceptance, peace and hope for the future. They reminisce about their deceased loved one instead of feeling consumed by memories.

For others, the healing process persists and it is difficult to enjoy a reasonable quality of life. Everyday events and significant life markers are painful reminders of what could have been.

If debilitating symptoms continue longer than six months, we suggest seeking professional help. A Christian counselor or therapist can help you release the emotions you may have stored up inside. (Call Focus on the Family at 1-800-A-FAMILY and ask for the counseling department. We can refer you to someone in your area who can help you through this difficult time.)

The intensity of grief may relate to the following factors:

Whether the death was sudden or expected

Your feelings about the person who died

Your personality, family background, coping style and life experience

Your belief system and view on death

How those around you react and support you

The grieving process can be long and isolating, yet it's crucial to accept support rather than grieve alone. Talking about grief is an essential part of healing. Receiving reassurance and feeling understood will help make the recovery process more complete during one of life's most challenging times.

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"Grief is a journey, often perilous and without clear direction," writes author Molly Fumia. "The experience of grieving cannot be ordered or categorized, hurried or controlled, pushed aside or ignored indefinitely. It is inevitable as breathing, as change, as love. It may be postponed, but it will not be denied."

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This article talks about in dept. how a family usually behaves or feels after the death of a family member. This makes the characters behaviors more believable and these same behaviors that the article states can also led to a family to fall apart like how the authors shows with Joss's own family.

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When anyone we love dies our lives are changed; things we had planned will no longer be the same. The death of a child is often the least expected death, and the ongoing effect upon the remaining family can seem endless. One of the commonest things I hear said is: "You don't expect to attend the funeral of your children."

We assume in life that we will grow old, having watched our children become people and take their place in the adult world. We are concerned for their well-being and on occasion may find ourselves thinking about a time when we will no longer be here for them, anxious about how they will manage. That is parenting.

When our child dies, whether through illness or suddenly, we can feel that we have failed as parents. We were unable to stop them from dying, and the torturous feelings of failure coupled with vastness of loss can be horrendous. Where there are siblings, parents may find themselves feeling over-protective and this can cause siblings to feel resentful at the changes within the family.

Some siblings refuse to acknowledge their dead brother or sister and may appear to have forgotten or not to talk about them. Often in my experience, other children - brothers and sisters - become protective towards their parents and fear upsetting them. Parents find talking about the deceased child difficult because they too fear upsetting each other and any remaining children.

As time passes talking becomes more difficult. Within their relationship with each other, parents may find it difficult to manage their partner's grief alongside their own and, rather than uniting them, the bereavement can cause them to become distant, resentful and blameful. Within a family, although you are grieving one loss, your grief will be as different as the individual relationship you shared with the child.

Sexual intimacy may also be affected by any bereavement but between parents it is normal for the sexual relationship to suffer. Physical/sexual intimacy may feel uncomfortable and both men and women may experience a lack of desire alongside a need to be close.

Longing for another child may also be a confusing emotion that parents may not wish to discuss or share... there may be guilt at the thought of replacing the deceased child but these thoughts are normal and part of the search for and wanting to make life how it once was.

Relationships with friends may be difficult too and it is normal to feel isolated and to be unable to express or discuss feelings even with those closest to you. Some couples keep their feelings to themselves in an effort to protect each other, their remaining children or family members and close friends. The strain of managing grief alone can cause other emotional and physical concerns and problems. However close or rock solid a relationship, bereavement can shake its very core and lead to separation or divorce.

Being a counsellor, of course, I recommend counselling; being able to talk about feelings in a non-judgemental and safe place can be enormously comforting and beneficial. Equally, I am aware and accepting that, for some people, counselling is not an option for many reasons, so how can you help yourselves?

Facing the death is the beginning... talking about your feelings even though it is painful and sometimes frightening. Communicating your thoughts, no matter how strange they may seem, can be very helpful. Often, partners share the same thoughts but are afraid to speak them to each other.

Listening: listening to your partner and your children, to what they are saying and what they are not saying. Make a weekly space for the deceased child when as a family you talk openly about how it is without him/her for you. Keep photographs and memorabilia around so that others can talk about the deceased more easily. A photo board can be a useful talking point and as a family enable easy talk. I actively encourage parents to talk as much as they can about their deceased child - funny and sad times - and to be as honest about their feelings as they can. Children can feel guilty about things they may have said or done and may even believe that they caused the death or are responsible. Dead children often become perfect children and remaining children may find it difficult to re-establish themselves, when a sibling is gone.

There are many helpful organisations available. Child bereavement agencies are experienced in working with young people who are bereaved. They often have regular group meetings where bereft grieving children can talk openly about their feelings and experiences and gain support.

Grandparents

Grandparents may feel isolated when a grandchild dies. They may feel that they were unable to stop it or help and may feel responsible. They may also experience guilt at being unable to protect their own child from the pain and anguish of a child's death, for being older and having a life when their grandchild has died.

They may feel useless, angry and unable to talk openly about their feelings. Writing and talking to close friends can help, and talking to family members about the deceased grandchild can create an opportunity for them to be more open and air their feelings. Grandparents can assist by helping parents in a practical sense too and simply by being there to talk to. There is also support available for bereft Grandparents and, in some areas, support groups and voluntary agencies.

Remember that whatever you feel or are going through you don't have to do it all alone.

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Death of Child Affects Relationships Throughout Family

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When anyone we love dies our lives are changed; things we had planned will no longer be the same. The death of a child is often the least expected death, and the ongoing effect upon the remaining family can seem endless.

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My ideas on the issue and the author's statement.

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My ideas on the issue and the author's statement.

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I believe that the author; Heather Brewer, is trying to show how overwhelming death within a family can be even though there is not as much schooling on the coping skills for younger people when death occurs. Family death can really hurt a person within that family and without the proper education or knowledge of how to cope with death, it can led to even more disastrous effects on the rest of the family. Having the author address this problem in this book is a great way to show the reader that without the proper education of those coping skills, it can led to a person who experience death of a family member to lose their connection with their own family and/or even lose their friends.

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A great improvement is to teach young teens in schools about coping skills of death if and when it happens to decrease the effect it can have on themselves and the people around them. By doing this it can also show people how serious this can be if they themselves are not properly educated on the subject. I feel like if this is accomplished then the effect of death within a family on a person can be minimized and those people won't lose their relationships with the rest of their families or their friends.