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Some kids express their feelings about their parents' divorce. This is a great artifact that the teacher can use to provide for children to feel there are other children share their situations and feelings with them.

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 Christina McGhee - Divorce Parenting Expert

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SPLIT: The EARLY Years | A Film for Parents & Professionals

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Mistakes that parents make when they divorce 

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Mistakes that parents make when they divorce 

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This is a great tool for parents conference.

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Dr. Phil Explains the Biggest Divorce Mistakes That Impact Kids -- Dr. Phil

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http://drphil.com Buy The 20/20 Diet: http://bit.ly/drphil2020diet Buy Life Code: http://bitly.com/LifeCodeDP Subscribe to Dr. Phil: http://bitly.com/SubscribeDrPhil LIKE us on Facebook: http://bitly.com/DrPhilFacebook Follow us on Twitter: http://bitly.com/DrPhilTwitter MMA Fighter Eddie has spent the past eight years battling his ex-wife, Melissa, in court, over custody of their son.

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Teachers Facilitating Support for Young Children Experiencing Parental Separation and Divorce

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Teachers Facilitating Support for Young Children Experiencing Parental Separation and Divorce

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This article provides essential tips for teachers to deal with a child who is passing through parents' divorcing.

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This is also a guide for teachers to deal with a child who have a parents' divorce situation

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Roughly fifty percent of children attending school, have divorced parents. Here are some helpful tips from The Family Community, for teachers to help their students cope with the changes divorce brings to their lives.

.No matter the age of the children, divorce is an extremely emotional time. They are figuring out a whole new routine, navigating new parenting relationships and trying to manage their own emotions. Some children going through a divorce or separation appreciate coming to school to 'get away' from it all. Keep this in mind when deciding if, when, and how to reach out to a child. Let them know that it's ok to talk or want help but that it's not required. Sometimes school is a refreshing change from the stress of home.
Every child is different
Be in tune with the individual child, family, and situation. Just because you have supported a child through divorce in the past, doesn't mean this particular child wants or needs the same kinds of support.
Communicate with both parents
This may be the most important tip. Though one parent may have led the school communication during marriage, this may change after divorce. Don't assume that only one parent wants to hear from you. Check in with the person in your school who is in charge of parent communication to see if the non-custodial parent has filled out a form to receive regular communication. Reach out to the non-custodial parent to let them know there are ways to receive regular communication. Typically it's best for the child to have both parents involved in their education. Often, this is a huge issue that family members are dealing with at home. One parent may be more "present" in the classroom, and that same parent might also be intentionally leaving the other parent out of the loop. It is always best for the children for both parents to receive any important information regarding their child.
Reach out to the school counselor
She may want to offer support to the child and parents. She may also be a support to the teacher in this situation. You can determine a nonverbal signal the child can use when they want to talk with the counselor. There may be unpredictable moments that the child feels strong emotions. It's also important that the child understands that it isn't embarrassing to need to talk to the counselor. Show them that this is a safe resource for them to take advantage of.
Gather information
Is there a restraining order? Is there new contact information for either parent? What is the visitation schedule? Has the living situation changed? Has the childcare situation changed? All of this information will help you as a teacher make the most informed decisions about how to offer support to the child.
There are no hard and fast rules
Many schools suggest (or require) that you meet with both parents together for all parent conferences. Use your discretion. If the separation is fresh, being together may be too intense, painful, or may take away from the focus on the child. Talk with both parents and determine what is in the best interest of the child.
Be sensitive
Holidays may bring particular stresses to children living through divorce. There will be new routines that they have to get used to, as well as the loss of some important family traditions. Predictability in the classroom is often a stress reliever. Holidays like Mother's Day and Father's Day or any "All About Me" projects may add additional stress or emotion.

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Extract from an article, written by Shoshy Starr Collins, which originally appeared on www.thefamilycommunity.com.

Posted by Sinta Ebersohn (Creator of fairdivrce.co.za - Stellenbosch RSA)

Tags: Divorce, Divorce & School, Divorce Affects Students at School, Divorce Impacts Academics, Fair Divorce, Help Learners Cope with Divorce, School Children Coping with Divorce, Students of Divorced Parents, Teacher Tips for Children Dealing with Divorce, Teachers Guide to Divorce

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teacher tips for children dealing with divorce

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Teacher Tips for Students Dealing with Divorce

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No matter the age of the children, divorce is an extremely emotional time. They are figuring out a whole new routine, navigating new parenting relationships and trying to manage their own emotions. Some children going through a divorce or separation appreciate coming to school to 'get away' from it all.

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A tool help children express their feelings after divorce

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A tool help children express their feelings after divorce

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This is a helpful tool for teachers and parents to help students cope with their feelings after divorce. When children make faces with this teddy, hug it, and squish it, they feel better.

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12 things that children do not say about divorce

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12 things that children do not say about divorce

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This website represents some hidden ideas in kids minds when their parents get divorced. Educators should consider these things when dealing with children from divorced families.

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Divorce can really suck. Two people, at one time so in love they committed to spend the rest of their lives together, find themselves communicating through lawyers and dividing assets and possessions so they can start their lives over again -- on their own. But for families with children, there's a whole other layer of complication and planning, and too often kids don't have a voice in what's happening. The only measure of control kids may have (at certain ages and in some states/countries) is choosing which parent's house they would like to live in. But that's just geography. What about the feelings that accompany a house torn apart, and their unspoken expectations of a life lived with a whole family?

The most vivid and painful memories many kids from divorced families have of early childhood aren't of playground scuffles, skinned knees or getting in trouble. Instead, they relive scenes from their parents' divorce. Kids of all ages -- some barely aware of their own roles in the world -- are acutely aware of events, situations and actions in families divided.

After working with hundreds of families -- and observing the behavior of kids as they struggled through the breakdown of their families -- here are the top 12 things kids think about divorce, but don't have the world experience to say directly. If they could find the words or the courage, this is what kids wish they could tell their divorcing parents:

1. You got divorced, not me. I know you hate everything about "your ex", but your ex is still my other parent, and I still love both of you. Please stop talking badly about each other to me or in front of me; it just makes me disrespect you. Don't gossip with your friends and family about them when I'm around. It makes me feel like crap and you look like a jerk.

2. I really don't care which one of you gets the car, the timeshare, or Nana's ashtray collection, so stop telling me about how pissed you are about it and how you feel it's "unfair". When you start putting all your energy into material things, you make me think that's all you care about. Honestly, you should be more angry about losing our family than you are about losing your gym membership.

3. I trust you to protect me from bullies or people who would hurt me. I may need you to shield me right now from the stupid things other people say to me. I don't have all the right answers, and my feelings get hurt really easily, so please stand up for me. Also, it's not ok to let your newest "squeeze" discipline me. They don't know me well enough to scold or even correct me. They have no idea what I am going through, and I lose trust for you when you let them push me around or hurt me -- even if it's unintentional.

4. When you're talking to each other about visitation, please don't talk about me like a project that needs to be "managed". If it's your weekend to spend time with me, consider the fact that I may really be excited to spend time with you before you let me overhear you say things like, "I have a date. Can't you just keep her and I'll cover your weekend?" And when it comes to big events, keep in mind that I have family that I love on both sides. So how about instead of letting a judge decide who I get to see on the holidays -- ask me what I want.

5. Don't use your failed marriage and bitterness toward the opposite sex as your reference when you lecture me about my friendships and relationships. I'm too young to bear your wounds. My friends are my escape from all the stress your divorce is creating, so you may want to not talk badly about them right now, that will just make me rebel against you more.

6. When you start dating again, don't assume that I am going to love every person you bring home. I have my own opinions, and just because you like them doesn't mean I'm going to automatically hit it off with someone you're dating. Remember, you have a different set of criteria for this relationship than I do. Your new "friend" is not my friend, so maybe I don't want to be nice to them. As a matter of fact, I might fight with them on purpose because I want you take sides -- my side. If I'm getting upset please remember that I may be a kid, but I still have feelings. It might be time for us to spend some quality time together -- just us.

7. Don't insult or make fun of the gifts and things I receive from my other parent or the experiences I have with them and their family. This isn't about you. If you're jealous, then say that. But insulting the things I like, enjoy and am proud of just because they came from my other parent, only makes you look like a huge, petty brat. It also makes me think twice about sharing new things with you.

8. Quit telling me I'm "being dramatic" about what's happening. Don't dismiss my emotions. I'm allowed to be sad/angry/disappointed/depressed over the divorce of my parents. The family I knew for the whole of my life is ending, and I am scared to death. And from my perspective, you simply stopped loving someone who made you angry, so how long will it be before I do something to make you stop loving me? And on that note, now that I have realized your love has limits, be prepared for me to test those limits almost daily.

9. I would really appreciate it if the two of you could stop acting like children and come up with a plan that allows you to be in the same space at the same time without being mean to each other. For example: my birthday, sports events, recitals, concerts, and basically any time my other family, friends, coaches or teachers are around. If you could manage to put your own selfish crap aside and be civil with each other every once in a while, that would be great for everyone.

10. Please get on the same page when it comes to values, rules and discipline. When -- out of spite for each other -- you let me get away with stuff that even I know is wrong, you confuse and frustrate me. You teach me how to manipulate people and pit you against each other to get what I want. It is then that I stop taking either of you seriously. Just because you stopped being married, doesn't mean you stopped being parents. I need you to teach me how to resolve conflict, not create it.

11. Please recognize that there are some things that my other parent is better at than you ... and that's OK! I won't think less of you if you let Dad teach me how to catch a ball or Mom show me how to drive. I need to learn from both of you. When you take those experiences away, I can see right through you. I know you want to be able to do this whole parenting thing on your own, but I don't want you to! I like making both my parents happy. I love seeing you smile when I do something you've taught me, and it makes me very happy when you compliment each other by saying things like, "You should ask your (other parent), they're really good at that." When you allow me to learn from and value both of my parents, that teaches me to appreciate the gifts in others and to ask for help when I need it.

12. When I do something to make you mad, don't compare me to the person you divorced. "You're a slob just like your father!" or "You whine and complain like your mother!" are statements that insult me, not the person you divorced. Remember, you left that person. You removed them from your life because of the very things you are identifying in me. Saying that you see things in me that make you think of the things you despise in them makes me feel unlovable and self-conscious -- and it destroys my already damaged self esteem. If you want me to clean up after myself or speak more respectfully, then show me how, or make a rule, or talk about it. Just stop putting in my head that my actions are just as offensive to you as the person you divorced.

Divorce isn't pretty or upbeat, but it's also not a time to shut down. When kids are involved, it becomes necessary to open a door for conversation and realization of what your child(ren) are going through -- and what they desperately need from both parents. It may be an "adult" situation, but the kids are very aware of what's going on. Be there for them.

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BEFORE YOU GO

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12 Things Kids Think About Divorce But Are Too Afraid To Say

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Divorce can really suck. Two people, at one time so in love they committed to spend the rest of their lives together, find themselves communicating through lawyers and dividing assets and possessions so they can start their lives over again -- on their own.

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A child express his feelings about divorce

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A child express his feelings about divorce

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This video is for a child who expresses his feeling after his parents' divorce. Parents and teachers can learn children's needs after divorce from this video.

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Summary:
This book is about a mom who dreams about her child. The book gives simple ideas about the dreams of a single mom who is trying to raise her child by her own. For example, the mom dreams about her daughter's first bike ride and when she gets married and have children.
When to use:
This book is a great tool for the teacher if she has children who had divorce and they live with one parent.
How to use:
The teacher can read it as a read aloud or small group time, so children can feel satisfied with their situation. Also, this book is an easy reading for first graders, so the teacher can place it in the book center.
Questions:
1- What do you dream to do with your mom when you grow up?
2- How does your mom show you love?
3- What do you and your mom wonder about?

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Summary:
This book is a simple book that tells a story of a girl who has two home. This girl goes to school regularly and has two home, one has a dad, and the other has another mom and dad. The girl has room in each house and practices her life usually.
When to use:
This book is an excellent source for a teacher who has kids with divorced families in her class. The teacher can use this book when the child is already switching between her parents' house.
How:
It is OK to use this book as a read-aloud for the whole group to represent the different family structure and make children from divorced families feel normal.
Questions:
1- What is unique about having two homes?
2- What are other fun things that the boy can enjoy because he has three parents?

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Why Do Families Change? by Jillian Roberts

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Why Do Families Change? by Jillian Roberts

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Summary:
This book answers nearly all the questions that pump to the child's mind when her parents get divorce such as was it her fault or what would happen next. Besides, this book tells the child that it is normal to pass through different feelings during divorce. Also, I like that at the end of the book, it gives extra questions that children might ask and their answers.
When to use:
When the child first faces divorce, this book is a helpful tool to release the child's stress and try to pass her/him through this stage.
How:
In my opinion, the teacher can read this book with the child who has divorce situation in his family.
Also, the teacher can lend this book to parents who ask for supporting tool to discuss divorce with their children.
Questions:
1- What did you feel when your parents first separated?
2- Who are some other family members or relatives that you enjoy spending time with them?

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Tips for teachers of children from divorced parents

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Tips for teachers of children from divorced parents

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other tips for teachers to deal with divorce.

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info for educators

When parents divorce, children may turn to teachers and others in their schools because you are already important people in their lives. They may see you as a stable and concerned presence during the stress of big changes in their lives. Here are some specific things you can do to help them.

1. Provide consistency and structure. Children thrive on routine and clear expectations for their behavior.With so many things changing in their lives, they may look to their school as a place that provides stability and support. Listen to and accept their feelings, but set limits on behaviors that are unacceptable.

2. Affirm and reinforce their strengths. Let them know that they are valued through your smiles and positive feedback for their efforts as well as their progress. Many children say they do not want to be pitied, but they do want to hear about what they do well. Give them opportunities for leadership to build on their strengths.

3. Watch for behavioral signals of underlying problems. When children are unruly or withdrawn, or if they exhibit dramatic changes in behavior patterns, these may be signals that something is going wrong in their lives. Children whose parents are in conflict or are undertaking a separation or divorce often have very powerful feelings, but they are also very likely to try to hide those feelings, especially from their parents. As a result, the stress they feel can produce difficult or disturbing behaviors that spill over into the classroom. If they are willing to talk with you about what's going on in their lives, you may be able to help them deal with their feelings or help them to find resources to address their needs.

4. Encourage the adoption of an evidence-based prevention program in your school. Children whose parents divorce often feel alone in their experiences and feelings and isolated from their peers. Supportive group programs such as the Children of Divorce Intervention Program, developed by Dr. Pedro-Carroll, have been proven to provide significant and lasting benefits for children.

5. Encourage the adoption of evidence-based parenting programs for divorcing or divorced parents. All children need quality parenting, with abundant love and consistent limits on their behavior. Children who are experiencing major life changes-such as those brought about by divorce-especially need the security of effective parenting. You may help the children in your school by helping their parents find a program in your school district or local community.

6. Help children develop an accurate understanding of their parents' divorce. Children need to understand that they did not cause, and cannot solve, the problems between their parents. But many children and teens develop serious emotional difficulties because they somehow believe they are to blame. You may be in a position to help uncover those feelings and lead children to a more accurate understanding of the changes in their family.

7. Encourage parents to focus on their children's best interests. Convey that children benefit from the loving support of both parents in their lives. Educators often hear the overflow of parents' emotions and thoughts about each other, since school is the connecting point for their children. In meetings with parents, or even in informal encounters, you can help children by discouraging their parents from criticizing, blaming, or denigrating the other parent in front of their children. Children understand that both parents are somehow a part of them, and when a parent is made to look bad, children often feel that they are somehow defective, too.

8. Communicate with parents regularly about their children's strengths as well as problems or concerns. When there are concerns, take a problem-solving approach with a plan for improvement. Divorce means that parents and children are going through one of the most stressful times of their lives-and it can continue for many months. Your support, understanding and encouraging words about their child can make an enormous difference.

NAPPA Gold Award, 2010, National Parenting Publications Awards

2010 Mom's Choice Awards® Gold Recipient

Putting Children First:
Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce

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Eight ways teachers can help children when their parents' divorce

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Teachers, aides, and other school personnel can provide critical stability and help to children when parents divorce. Here are eight proven ways to help.

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This picture gives tips for parents to deal with their children during divorce. The teacher can provide this kite for parents during conferences to support them in dealing with their children.

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When my parents forgot how to be friends  by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos

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When my parents forgot how to be friends  by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos

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Summary:
This book tells a story of a girl who faces divorce. The book talks about before, during, and after divorce. Previously, parents were arguing, and the mom was crying every day. During, the dad moved to another house, and she lived with the mom and went to the dad's house during weekends. After, parents were always there for her, and they felt happy again.
When to use:
The teacher can use this book if she has a child who is facing divorce in his/her family. But, the teacher should be careful that the child has the same situation as the book, where he/she has access to both parents, and her/his parents can be together in the same place when she needs them.
How to use:
Reading this book with a child who is facing divorce during centers' time or quiet time is helpful for him/her. Sometimes when children are passing through a divorce, they are fragile and do not want to hear comments and questions from their peers.
If several kids in class face divorce and it has been going OK with them, the teacher can use this book as a read aloud.
Questions:
1- what are other ways that the girl could use to comfort her self when she hears her parents arguing?
2- What makes going to dad's home fun?