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Advice for parents and carers to help keep children safe from bullying, wherever it happens.

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It is important to try and listen without getting angry or upset. Put your own feelings aside, sit down and listen to what your child is telling you. Reflect what you have heard by 'playing back' to them what you hear. You can ask them how they want you to take things forward, so they don't feel excluded from deciding on next steps. Your child may fear reprisals if they report the bullying so they may need lots of support.

Reassure your child it's not their fault. Remind them that being bullied isn't about being weak and that the person who is doing the bullying has the issues and that is why they feel the need to make others feel this way. Encourage your child to try to appear confident by helping them build resilience as body language and tone of voice speak volumes.

Sometimes people say nasty things because they want a certain reaction or to cause upset, so if your child gives them the impression they're not bothered, the bullies are more likely to stop. Role-play bullying scenarios and practise your child's responses. Talk about how our voices, bodies and faces send messages just the same way our words do.

Don't let the bullying dominate their life. Help your child develop skills in a new area. Encourage them to join a club or activity like drama or self-defence. This builds confidence, helps keep the problem in perspective and offers a chance to make new friends.

Things that may not help

Don't charge off demanding to see the head teacher, the bully, or their parents. This is usually the very reaction children dread and can cause bullying to get worse. Never tell your child to hit or shout names back. It simply doesn't solve the problem and if your child is under-confident (and most bullied children are) then it just adds to their stress and anxiety.

Never dismiss their experience, if your child has plucked up the courage to tell you about bullying, it's crushing to be told to sort it out yourself or it's all part of growing up. Don't tell them to ignore it, as this can teach them that bullying has to be tolerated, rather than.

Dealing with your feelings

You may feel anger, hurt, guilt, helplessness, or fear when you hear that your child is experiencing bullying. Your own memories of being a child may help you empathise and find solutions, but they can also get in the way. Think about how you feel before reacting - or you may not be able to help as much as you want.

Don't be upset if your child wants to talk to other adults and friends about the problem. You, also, may find it helpful to discuss the matter confidentially with your friends - though preferably not with those whose children go to the same school.

Getting support from the school

All schools are legally required to have an anti-bullying policy which provides guidance on their obligations and what support they can offer. Before you approach the school, list all the facts such as what happened, who was involved, when it occurred, who witnessed it and how often it has happened.

Don't arrive at the school unexpectedly, make an appointment with the class teacher or head of year. Aim to work together with the school and make it clear that you are seeking the school's help in finding a solution.

Avoid accusing the school and remember often teachers are usually the last to find out that bullying is happening at school. Be patient and allow the school time to deal with the problem but stay in touch with them and arrange a follow up meeting to see how the situation is being resolved.

What to do if things don't improve

Keep a diary and write down every incident as soon as possible after it happens. Include the date, what happened, who did it and who saw it. Include the effect on your child, whether your child told anyone and what they said or did and any later effects.

Tell the school each time there is an incident. Write down what they say or do and any impact their actions have. If your child is hurt, take photographs, and see your doctor (and the police if the assault is serious). Schools have a variety of options for dealing with bullying. These range from a warning, seeing the bully's parents and detention to internal exclusion within the school, fixed term exclusion and permanent exclusion.

If you're not satisfied with the school's response, don't give up or be made to feel like a timewaster or a troublemaker. You can use our template letters to write to the Head, Governors, Education Dept and Ofsted. If your child is too frightened or stressed to go, contact the LEA education welfare officer/social worker and ask them to intervene with the school.

Further resources

It may help to chat to other parents on our forums to find out how they are dealing with this issue within their family life. You can also talk to us online via our live chat service, email us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call us on our helpline on 0808 800 2222 to speak to trained family support worker.

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What to do if your child is being bullied | Family Lives

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What to do if your child is being bullied - read our advice for support. You can also chat to us online.

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Parents and Carers - UK Safer Internet Centre

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Tips, advice, guides and resources to help keep your child safe online

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Campaigning for change

We fight to change laws to make society safer for children. Our Wild West Web campaign has pushed for new regulations through the Online Safety Bill to make sure websites, apps and games are safe for children to use. But the draft Bill doesn't go far enough to protect children.
Help us end the Wild West Web

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Understanding online safety is tricky for all ages - we have advice and guides to help you learn about staying safe online as a family.

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Parent Pack for teachers - Internet Matters

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To help parents stay informed about privacy settings on the latest apps we've pulled together a range of great guides with tips and step-by-step info.

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While there are huge benefits to being online to stay connected to family and friends, the government recognises many parents feel concerned about the activities and content their children are accessing. This guidance outlines resources to help keep children safe from different risks online and where to go to get support and advice.

Keep your child safe online

It is important to have regular conversations about staying safe online and to encourage children to speak to you if they come across something worrying online.

Talk to your child about the importance of creating a safe online environment, including keeping any log-in details and passwords safe.

These resources will support you to talk to your child about a range of online safety issues, set up home filtering in a child-friendly way and set up age-appropriate parental controls on digital devices:

What harms might my child experience online?

You may have concerns about specific harms which children can experience online. There are more resources to help you understand and protect your child from these, including:

Child sexual abuse

If you are concerned call 999 or report it to the NCA-CEOP.

If your child has been a victim of child sexual abuse - online or offline - and you believe they are in immediate danger, call 999 and ask for the police.

If you are concerned that your child has been a victim of online sexual abuse or you are worried about the way someone has been communicating with your child online, you can report it to .

These resources provide information and support for parents and carers on what to do if you're worried about child sexual abuse:

you can contact the NSPCC helpline (0808 800 5000) for support and advice if you have concerns about your own or another child's safety

Stop Abuse Together campaign provides advice and support on how to keep your child safe

Thinkuknow by NCA-CEOP has developed activities to support your child's safe use of the internet

the Lucy Faithfull Foundation's Parents Protect website has advice on how to help protect children from child sexual abuse including a Harmful Sexual Behaviour Prevention Toolkit

if you see sexual images or videos of someone under 18 online, report it anonymously to the Internet Watch Foundation who can work to remove them from the web and help to identify victims and survivors

you can contact Stop It Now! for information and advice if you have concerns about someone's behaviour, including children who may be displaying concerning sexual behaviour

you can contact The Marie Collins Foundation help@mariecollinsfoundation.org.uk for support, including advice and individual counselling, for your child if they have been subjected to online sexual abuse - support is also offered to parents and carers

Criminal exploitation and county lines, violence and gangs

Our page of advice to parents and carers on keeping children safe from abuse and harm has information on this.

Radicalising content

If you are concerned that any family member, friend or loved one is being radicalised, you can call the police or 101 to get advice or make a Prevent referral, so that they can get safeguarding support.

Support is tailored to the individual and works in a similar way to safeguarding processes designed to protect people from gangs, drug abuse, and physical and sexual exploitation.

Receiving support through Prevent is voluntary, confidential and not a form of criminal sanction.

If you need more help, you can also contact your local authority safeguarding team.

Consensual and non-consensual sharing of nude and semi-nude images and/or videos (also known as sexting or youth produced sexual imagery)

If you are worried about your child sending nude images or videos (sometimes referred to as 'youth-produced sexual imagery' or sexting), provides advice to help you understand the risks and support your child.

If your child has shared nude images, Thinkuknow by NCA-CEOP provides advice on talking to your child and where to get help.

So You Got Naked Online created by South West Grid for Learning, has advice for young people and parents affected by sexting, also available in a SEND (Special Educational Need and Disability) version.

Report Remove is an online tool where young people can request removal of a nude image of themselves which is circulating online.

Cyberbullying

If you are concerned about cyberbullying, you can find government advice and information about how you can protect your child and tackle it if it happens.

Age-inappropriate content and parental controls

Remember to review and adjust privacy and safety settings if you or your child is signing up to a new online service, app or piece of technology.

Internet Matters has step-by-step guides on how to set up parental controls so that you can control what content your child can access online

the UK Safer Internet Centre has guidance on how to switch on family-friendly filters to prevent age-inappropriate content being accessed on devices in your home

the has more information for parents or carers with concerns about their child seeking inappropriate or explicit content online

Apps to help children stay safe online

The BBC has a website and app called Own It. The website helps children navigate their online lives, and the free smartphone app comes with a special keyboard which can intervene with help and support in the moments that children need it the most. It can be downloaded for free in the Google Play Store and Apple App Store.

SafeToNet is an app for parents to help them protect their children from online risks like cyberbullying and sexting, while respecting their child's rights to privacy. The SafeToNet Foundation is providing UK families with free-for-life access to SafeToNet during the coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak.

Mental health

If you are worried about your child's mental health, the NHS has published guidance on mental health and wellbeing.

If you are worried that someone you know is suicidal, including your child, Samaritans provides advice on how you can support others.

Support for children

If your child is worried or needs support, they can get advice and support from Childline (0800 1111) or download the 'For Me' app.

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Support for parents and carers to keep children safe online

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While there are huge benefits to being online to stay connected to family and friends, the government recognises many parents feel concerned about the activities and content their children are accessing. This guidance outlines resources to help keep children safe from different risks online and where to go to get support and advice.

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Body image is how we think and feel about ourselves physically. Sometimes, we worry about how we look or what our friends think about our body. If you're struggling with body image, here's some advice that can help you.

Guide Menu for Body image

Guide contents (jump to section)

What is body image?

Body image is how we think and feel about ourselves physically, and how we believe others see us.

When we talk about body image, there are lots of ways we can think about our body and the way we look. You might find that there are times when you like your body, or parts of your body, and times when you struggle with how you look.

How can body image affect my mental health?

Body dysmorphic disorder is when you constantly worry about flaws in your appearance, focus on specific areas of your body and compare yourself a lot to others.

Sometimes when you're struggling with your body image, you might change your eating habits as this can make you feel like you are in more control of how you look. This can be things like changing what you eat, how much and how often you are eating. If you are finding that your eating habits or relationship with food is taking over your life, you might be struggling with an eating problem.

We all worry about how we look at times during our lives and that's completely normal. If you are experiencing any of the above, know that there are people who can help you get through this. Things can get better.

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Artwork credit: @alyserurianidesign. The artwork depicts a note taped to a purple background, the note reads: 'It's okay if you don't love your body let's work towards acceptance'. The words 'love', 'body' and 'acceptance' are in purple bubble writing and in the middle of the note is a pink love heart.

What to do if you're worried about how you look

It's important to remember that there isn't a single type of beauty - everyone sees it differently. And there simply isn't a right or a wrong way to look. But if you're struggling, here are some things you can do:

Our Activists share their experiences

If you feel unable to cope, or particularly worried about one part of your body, talk to your GP about how you're feeling. They can listen, tell you about local services and support groups, or they may suggest specific treatment for the way you're feeling.

Growing up, I was bullied a lot. I always stood out from the crowd and I hated that element about myself because I thought that if no one could accept and love me for who I am, then I couldn't either.

I hated the way I looked. I hated everything about myself, and because of this, I know exactly what it's like to hate the body you were born in. And this was the darkest time of my life.

My journey to loving my body

Samantha

Body positivity

Body positivity is a movement to accept all bodies no matter what type, shape or size. It promotes seeing different bodies on things like social media to encourage us to accept our body and the way we look. If you are struggling with your body image, body positivity can help you feel better about yourself. By thinking positively about how you look, you can feel more comfortable and confident.

Changing the way we think about our body and how we look can take time. It can feel difficult on some days more than others. That's okay. Accepting your body is a process. Our Activists share how a positive body image can help you feel better about yourself:

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Artwork credit: @teabag.cartoon. The artwork depicts text at the top of the image which reads: 'we need to learn to respect every body'. Below the text is an alien next to different humans of different shapes, heights and sizes. A couple of them are waving and others are holding hands.

How you can support a friend struggling with body image

Get help now

If you're struggling with how you feel about the way you look, you're not alone. Here are some services that can really help.

You might also find this helpful

More tips, advice and real stories on what to do if you're struggling with your body image.

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Body image is how we think and feel about ourselves physically. Sometimes, we worry about how we look or what our friends think about our body. If you're struggling with body image, here's some advice that can help you. Guide Menu for Body image Guide contents (jump to section) What is body image?

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Tip 3: Not all filters are equal

Does your child edit every photo? Is every selfie filtered to 'perfection'?

If so, your teen or tween may feel self-conscious. They may find it difficult to accept their natural appearance.

Filters are everywhere. They are mostly unavoidable. However, not all filters are equal.

Some filters are intended to "enhance" a person's appearance. Others are designed for laughs, for novelty or just because (I mean, why the potato-face filter? Really, just why?)

When young people over-use filters to 'perfect' their appearance, we can balance this out by taking selfies together with them, without filters, or using funny filters instead.

Photos can be a chance to remember precious times together. This is even more important with teenagers when spending time together happens less easily. Make the most of the selfie trend by doing a selfie shoot together. The aim is to have a laugh and create memories for you to keep.
Note: the aim is not to post the photos all over social media - this could undermine your efforts, increasing your teen's self-conscious or anxious feelings.
Tip 4: Ask yourself, "how's my own body image doing?"

As parents, our own body image is bound to affect how we relate to our children's body image. Just as with our physical health, it's hard to look after someone else if we are struggling.

The Mental Health Foundation published seven tips that you can use to promote a healthy body image yourself.

Tip 5: Treatments and surgery

It may be a surprise to know that young people are increasingly the target audience for cosmetic surgeries and treatments advertisements. From surface-level procedures like skin treatments through to invasive surgeries, young people today are bombarded by one primary message: "Your natural look is just not good enough".

The Mental Health Foundation report on body image showed that body dissatisfaction is common and often profound in the teenage years. Whether it's acne during the teenage years or dissatisfaction with the shape of a nose or lips, the developing body is often a source of shame, embarrassment or disappointment. Advertisements for cosmetic treatments take advantage of that sensitive time of life by targeting adverts to increasingly younger audiences via social media, email adverts and high street promotions.

We can't control all the messaging and advertisements that our teens are exposed to. Judgement isn't helpful either. But we can talk about the reality of cosmetic treatments with open honesty.

Conversations that raise questions about treatments are important. Questions such as, "What are the risks?" "What are your consumer rights?" "What are the qualifications of the provider?" "What is the long-term cost?" can be raised with your teen before they go ahead with any treatment.

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Mind Over Mirror - Parenting for a healthy body image

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Does your child edit every photo? Is every selfie filtered to 'perfection'? If so, your teen or tween may feel self-conscious. They may find it difficult to accept their natural appearance. Filters are everywhere. They are mostly unavoidable. However, not all filters are equal. Some filters are intended to "enhance" a person's appearance.

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Help them build positive relationships with their friends and other adults

Help them learn to be independent in their actions and thoughts

Encourage them to understand, express and manage their emotions

Help them build their confidence by taking on challenges and allow them to learn from it even if they do not manage to complete the challenges

Other ways to build resilience in your child or teen includes:

Setting personal goals and challenges - Encourage them to plan goals and challenges, which help to boost their self-esteem and confidence. Whether they accomplish them or not, it helps them learn about life in a wider sense.

Invest in their self-esteem - Having a strong sense of self can help them build resilience against any forms of adversity in their lives. Encourage them to get to know who they are, what values they hold and help them take time out to work on themselves.

Encourage them to believe in themselves and their abilities - Help them put themselves first when they need to especially if they are in a stressful situation. Help them list all the things they are good at including being kind, helpful and loving and show them why these attributes are so essential in life. Thinking about their achievements no matter how big or small is great for their confidence.

Encourage them to develop a strong offline social network - Help them build a support network of friends and loved ones who love them for who they are. Give them space to spend quality time with their network and do the things they love to do. This will promote happiness and kindness.

Embracing change - Making necessary changes in all areas of life is a constant thing to do. Even if change is hard to do, try to encourage them to do it, as things will and do change. It is better to be in front of it rather than behind.

Learn to problem solve - These are essential skills for all areas of life. Encourage them to learn problem-solving skills as that is key to building resilience. No matter what the situation or issue is, there is always a resolve from it, even if it means walking away from something that no longer serves you.

See the bigger picture - Encourage your child or teen to see the bigger picture when faced with adversity. Share your experiences with them so they can see you understand what they are going through. Let them know that everything has a process and sometimes we have to go through these things to come out the other end stronger.

Mind, body and soul - Helping them look after themselves is crucial. Not only is it important for them to eat healthy and enjoy treats in moderation, but being active is important too for both mind and body. Getting enough sleep and learning positive mindfulness is important barriers and defence structures for stress, trauma and adversity.

Value who they are - Children will only learn to value themselves if those around them first value them. Give them lots of positive encouragement and praise. This will give them the necessary springboard to take on challenges and boost their self-worth.

Emotional flooding - When a child is upset they can't think straight or begin to sort out what they want to do - they are overwhelmed or 'emotionally flooded' If we think of emotions as water, when we are upset the thinking part of the mind becomes flooded. Listening gives our children a chance to express the feelings and gradually come back into a balanced state where they can start to think through the problem or let go of the feelings and move on. When we name their feelings and what they need, we are helping them understand their own feelings and needs rather than being led by them. Children who learn to handle their emotions tend to have better physical and emotional health, do better at school and get on better with friends. Let them know it is ok for them to seek help and support too if they need this.
Bubblevision
Sometimes, stress is inevitable. Help them create a stress-free zone and teach them this. Make yourself comfortable and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths and let them out slowly - feel yourself sink more deeply into your seat. Imagine yourself surrounded by a bubble that protects you. Be aware of all the outside things and people that make demands on your life. Now, as you breathe out, feel yourself gently making your bubble bigger, pushing back all these demands. All your worries can wait. Every time you breathe out, make your bubble a bit larger until you feel comfortable. Know that you can step out of the bubble whenever you need to, but for now just relax.

At Family Lives, we do understand how different each situation is. If you would like further support and advice, call us on 0808 800 2222 or email us at askus@familylives.org.uk. You can talk to us online via our live chat service, which is open, Monday to Friday between 1.30pm and 9pm. You can also use our online forums to talk to other parents and share experiences.

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Building resilience in children and teens

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Helping our children build resilience and confidence is one of the most important gifts we can give them.

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Want to help your children deal with stress and adversity? It's easier than you think

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While it's very easy to focus on the worst aspects of any situation, it's not good for building your personal resilience. Even the worst possible situations have an upside so, while it may be difficult when something bad is happening, try and think of one kind of benefit you'll be getting out of it. You may want to think about things such as what you can learn from your experience, what this situation has helped you find out about someone, or what it's helped you find out about yourself.
Appreciate your strength
When you're going through something difficult, it's easy to forget how strong you are. Try and remember other times in your life when you've got through something challenging. Remember how strong you were to get through those circumstances, and take heart from the fact that you know you have the strength to get through whatever you're going through now.
Remind yourself you always have a choice
Whatever you're going through, you have a choice as to how you react to it. It may not feel like it, but it's completely up to you whether you let your situation defeat you, or whether you choose to have the strength to get through it. It doesn't make you weak if you decide you don't have the strength at the moment, but remembering that you always have a choice is a great was to remind yourself that you have power in any situation, and it's great for building personal resilience.
Don't hold a grudge
Holding a grudge isn't good for your resilience - in fact someone once said that holding on to a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. If you keep focussing on an incident where someone has angered you or done you wrong, you'll stay angry and not be able to move beyond it. Holding a grudge will end up affecting you negatively, because you'll end up thinking lots of negative thoughts. So instead it's much better to put your grudge behind you and practice thinking positively instead - you'll be amazed how much better you'll feel when you let those bad feelings go!
Take a step back
While an issue, situation or argument may feel very immediate and intense the moment it happens, it's really helpful to ask yourself how you will feel about the thing that's upsetting you in a week, a month or a year? Thinking this way about events and issues that affect you will help you have some perspective about how much you should let them bother you.

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Mental resilience is how you deal with challenging life events. Being mentally resilient gives you the strength to get through tough times.

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Resilience is a key skill for children to develop in order to be able to cope with life's challenges and participate in the world as a healthy adult. When we are resilient, we have a strong sense of self-esteem and we believe in our ability to deal with any problems that come our way. Have a look at our top ten tips for building resilience in children for some great ideas to help your kids develop this invaluable life skill.

1. Create space to talk about emotions

Understanding our emotions is key to being able to handle them effectively and create a sense of stability within ourselves. Allowing children to talk about their emotions without judgement or shame will enable them to grow up knowing that whatever they are feeling is okay and that they have the resources to deal with it. Being able to identify and accept our emotions is really important to be able to process them healthily. This Resilience Toolkit Understanding Our Emotions Activity is a great way to teach children all about what emotions are and how we can deal with them through breaking emotion regulation down into different zones, including feeling defensive, emotionally stable or out of control.

2. Teach children how to deal with their emotions

Now that children understand what emotions are and have space to talk about them, it's important to provide them with an emotional toolkit to help them learn healthy coping strategies to deal with their emotions. Teaching these vital skills will enable children to process emotions from a young age, which will set them up for living an emotionally healthy adult life. These Emotional Stability Calming Techniques will help children connect to their bodies, slow their breathing and stop to consider how they are feeling and how they can best deal with whichever emotion they are experiencing. Being able to process emotions healthily is an extremely valuable skill for life, which will undoubtedly help with building resilience in children.

3. Allow children to make mistakes

There is a lot of external pressure on children to be perfect and keep achieving, especially academically. It's important for children to learn that making mistakes is a normal part of life and it's actually essential to be able to experience things for yourself and learn from them. Reflecting on your mistakes can bring the greatest learning. Teaching children that there are often times when things don't go the way we think or plan them to go is important in developing resiliency. Use our Resilience Changing Paths Worksheet to help kids learn about how a different, unexpected path may present itself in their lives and how to be resilient in this situation.

4. Teach healthy communication

Healthy communication is a vital skill for children to learn, which will make a big difference in their lives and future relationships. Having healthy family relationships and friendships at a young age will set children up for success in the future. Our ability to communicate effectively is one of the most important factors in having healthy relationships, which contributes to enjoying a happy life overall. When we feel fulfilled and content in life, we are naturally more resilient. Our Empathy: Resolve the Conflict Activity is perfect to encourage children to reflect on conflicts or arguments and how to deal with them effectively.

5. Encourage children to try new things

Trying new things is essential for children to build self-confidence and feel comfortable enough to explore the world around them. Encouraging children to give something a go - even something completely out of their comfort zone - is a great way to open up a world of possibilities to children. It's important not to force a child to do something they feel uncomfortable with, though. Maybe a child doesn't feel like trying ice skating, but they would love to have a go at horse riding, netball or painting.

Having frequent opportunities to try different activities will help children develop confidence, find something they are good at that they want to continue, and feel safe exploring new things. This is a great life skill to learn because children can face the fear of leaving their comfort zone and trying something new, helping to develop trust in themselves that they are capable. As adults, we are always faced with new situations and challenges, so learning to be adaptable will make us resilient.

6. Create healthy habits through repetition

Repeating healthy habits can help children develop a routine that will boost their resiliency. Routines can be comforting for children as they create a sense of stability and predictability in life. This can be particularly helpful during times of distress. It's also important to be flexible, but having some structure to the day can definitely be helpful. Perhaps you could schedule some time each morning and evening to practice positive affirmations with your child, do some yoga together, or let them write or draw in their journal.

Make planning your self-care habits even more fun with our EYFS Wellbeing Calendar, which has space to write an activity for each day of the week. You can stick this up on your fridge for you and your child to see each day, as a reminder to practice healthy habits regularly.

7. Help children build their self-esteem

Having a healthy view of themselves will help children be more resilient. Self-esteem is important to develop in order for children to have a healthy self-image. This can be done by praising children, speaking to children lovingly and encouraging them, and reminding them of how they have faced difficult times in the past. Emphasising how strong they are can help children develop trust in themselves, which is key to being resilient in the face of life's challenges.

As an activity to boost self-esteem, our lovely My Self-Esteem Journal will help children reflect on what they've done each day and when they felt proud and good about themselves. With fun rainbow colours, this journal is a great way to get children engaged in positive thinking about themselves and their accomplishments.

8. Build positive thinking with affirmations

A super important tip for building resilience in children is to introduce them to positive affirmations and repeat these regularly. Affirmations are short, powerful statements saying something we want to believe, such as 'I am brave and beautiful', 'I can cope with anything in life' and 'I am lovable, loving and loved'. When children say these statements aloud, they are building connections in their mind to these positive beliefs. Affirmations work by rewiring beliefs in our subconscious mind, creating and strengthening new positive programs that will help us live our best life. Learning how to use affirmations at a young age will help with building resilience in children.

We have a range of positive affirmation resources for you to use with your child, including these brilliant Positive Affirmations Flashcards, which you can cut out and keep by your child's bed to look at each day and night. This Positive Affirmations PowerPoint is full of lovely illustrations to accompany each affirmation - perfect for visual learners who like to see images as well as text.

9. Accept change

A large part of being resilient is being able to cope with change. While some children will find change unsettling, supporting them through the process and helping them to accept new situations will help them to become more resilient. If children learn that change is inevitable, but they can always get through it with their emotional toolkit and support from trusted adults, they will be much more resilient.

You can use our Resilience Changing Paths Display Poster to talk to children about the fact that change can be scary but it can bring about lots of positive outcomes. This How to Cope With Change leaflet from Mind contains all you need to teach children about what can help them before they face a difficult change, as well as how to cope during and after a change.

Sometimes, change can be more permanent and serious, such as with divorce and bereavement. If you are looking for information to support children through the grieving process, our How to Support Your Child Through Bereavement Activity Booklet is a helpful supporting resource to process loss. With grief, divorce or any other serious change, make sure to give children space to express their feelings. Our My Parents Are Divorcing Worksheet can help children reflect on how they are feeling.

10. Teach your child to see things in perspective

When facing difficult times, it can be hard for children to see beyond the challenges they are experiencing. Cultivating hope will help children see that good times will come and they will feel a lot better soon. Your child may be too young to think long-term by themselves, but reassuring them that better times are ahead and they will feel good again will help them to understand that the hardship is only temporary and they can get through it.

Combine two helpful wellbeing activities with our My Hopes and Wishes 2021 Colouring Activity. As well as colouring, which helps children relax, this worksheet encourages children to think about their wishes and goals. This activity can be completed at any time during the year to help children develop hope.
If you enjoyed this blog post and would like to read more about resiliency, take a look at our Building Resilience in Young People Guide. Check out these Resilience Flashcards for more great activities and ideas to help with building resilience in children.
Harry Potter Lesson Ideas for KS2

10 Fascinating Non-Fiction Books for Kids

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Building Resilience in Children: 10 Top Tips - Twinkl

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Resilience is a key skill for children to develop in order to be able to cope with life's challenges and participate in the world as a healthy adult. When we are resilient, we have a strong sense of self-esteem and we believe in our ability to deal with any problems that come our way.

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If you're being bullied, whether it's online or at school, university or work, it can be really difficult and leave you feeling hurt - but you are not alone. We have advice on how you can tell someone and get help.

What is bullying?

If somebody physically hurts you, or verbally abuses you, that's bullying.

Specific types of bullying include:

homophobic bullying based on your sexual orientation

racist bullying because of your skin colour or ethnicity

religious bullying because of your beliefs or faith.

sizeist bullying referring to your body size

sexist bullying focusing on you being of the opposite sex

cyberbullying targeting you online, often anonymously

bullying because you are different

Bullying can be a one-off or it can go on for a long time. And bullying can happen to anyone.

No matter how alone you might feel, there is always someone you can talk to and someone who can help.

Talking to someone about being bullied

Ignoring bullying won't make it go away. You need to tell someone about what is happening.

If the bullying is happening at school
Talk to your parents or carers and your teacher. Your teacher may have no idea that you are being bullied, and the school will have an anti-bullying policy to tackle it.

If you feel you can't speak to your teacher, maybe a friend can do it for you. You can also speak to a school counsellor, welfare officer or nurse.

In extreme cases, if bullying is interfering with your education it may be possible for you to change schools if it doesn't stop once you have reported it.

If the bullying is happening outside school
Talk to your parents or carers, close relatives such as grandparents, aunties and uncles, or even your friends' parents. Youth workers and leaders may be able to help too.

If the bullying is happening online
Tell a trusted adult - your parents or carers, or a teacher. You can report abusive posts on Facebook and other social media platforms. You can also report abuse to CEOP (Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre).

Keep reporting the bullying until it stops. It may not stop the first time you tell your parents or teacher and they try to stop it. If the bullying continues, tell them again. Don't put up with it. No one deserves to be bullied.

Tips on bullying from young people like you

Real stories and advice on bullying

Get help now

Whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Here are some organisations who can support you.

You might also find helpful...

Bullying can affect us in lots of ways. Here's some more advice and information you might find helpful.

If you're a parent or carer

If you are a parent or carer of a child or young person who is being bullied, we can support you through our Parents Helpline. We are here to listen to you, and give you free, confidential advice and information.

Help us improve our content

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Bullying | How To Deal With Bullying and Getting Help

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If you are being bullied, or know someone who is, read our advice on where you can get help; whether it's at school, uni or in the workplace.

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'Gaming' means playing electronic or video games on devices such as Xboxes, smartphones or computers.

For lots of children and young people, gaming is a fun and sociable activity. But sometimes, you might feel worried about your child's feelings or behaviour around gaming. Or you might be concerned about the amount of time they spend gaming.

If this is the case, we've got information here about gaming and mental health. We've also got tips to help you talk to your child about gaming, and advice to support you in setting healthy limits.

How can gaming affect mental health?

When used with healthy boundaries, gaming can be a positive experience. It can also help some children and young people to look after their mental health. Young people tell us that playing video and online games can be a way to:

relax and unwind after school or work

take a break from everyday life and get absorbed in something else for a bit

socialise and connect with friends, and make new friends

socialise around a common interest, particularly if someone finds this easier or more fun than just chatting

find a community of people going through similar things

feel a sense of achievement and learn new skills

But for a minority of young people, gaming can start to negatively affect their mental wellbeing if it becomes too much. When this happens, a young person might feel less in control of what they're doing. For example, they might start to regularly game in a way that stops them from doing other important things. These include spending time with family and friends in real life, sleeping, eating well, exercising and doing schoolwork.

This might happen because a young person needs a bit more help from the adults around them to set healthy limits. Or sometimes, it can happen when a young person starts to use gaming as a coping mechanism. We all need to 'check out' and distract ourselves from our worries sometimes, and that's okay. But if a young person feels like they 'need' to game to cope with their feelings, it can make it harder to have healthy boundaries. This means that gaming can sometimes seem like the 'problem' from the outside, when it's actually a symptom of how a young person is feeling about another part of their life.

Having negative social experiences online

Gaming can also have a negative effect on someone's mental wellbeing if they're having upsetting interactions with other players, or getting negative messages about their identity. This might particularly affect a young person who usually relies on gaming as a safe and relaxing space. A study by the Mental Health Foundation found that our sense of wellbeing around gaming is affected by the extent to which our ethnicity, gender and sexuality is represented in a video or online game. This is why it's really important for young people to find games and online communities that make them feel good about themselves.

Talking to your child about gaming and mental health

If gaming isn't something you grew up with, you might feel unsure about how to handle the conversation. Remember that finding a supportive way to talk to your child is about how you approach it, not knowing everything about the topic.

Try to start with an 'I' phrase. For example, you could say, 'I've noticed you're gaming a lot more than usual at the moment, and I wondered if we could have a chat about it?' Starting a conversation while doing an activity together can also help your child to relax by making it feel like less of a 'big chat'.

You can find more tips on starting conversations in our guide to talking to your child. We also have tips below from young people about what parents can do to help them feel more like talking.

Young people would like parents to:

start by finding out what their experience is, rather than assuming gaming is 'bad'

ask them what they enjoy about gaming and what they get out of it, and show interest in what they have to say

recognise that gaming is a social thing they do with their friends

think about ways to make gaming more sociable if they are worried because their child spends lots of time gaming alone

try to find out what else is going on that might be causing them to game so much, rather than assuming gaming is the problem

look for a compromise

Young people don't like it when parents:

do not recognise the ways in which gaming is helping, and instead approach the conversation as if gaming is 'bad'

minimise or dismiss the fact that gaming is important to them

focus on the fact that the time spent gaming could be spent on schoolwork, rather than also thinking about other interests they might enjoy

ban gaming instead of looking for a compromise, without recognising that this can cut them off from their friends

Setting boundaries and supporting your child to game positively

It's normal for a young person to want to spend time gaming on a regular basis. The point at which it becomes 'too much' depends on what is right for your child, and the boundaries you feel comfortable with as a parent.

If your child is finding it difficult to game in a way that leaves time for other important daily activities, they need help from you to set healthy limits.

Sometimes, setting boundaries around screen time can become a real battleground. If you're having lots of conflict with your child at the moment, it might feel exhausting. But there are things you can do to change the dynamic and introduce some healthier limits. Below are some things that might help.

A Family Agreement is a way for everyone to negotiate screen limits together, which then apply to the whole family. This helps young people feel more empowered about boundaries because adults get limits too. For example, as well as negotiating the boundaries they will stick to, they can ask you to limit the time you spend on your phone or checking your emails.

Some children and young people game a lot because they feel accepted online, and they haven't been able to find this offline in real life. Help them to find other activities they enjoy doing by themselves or with the family. Or look for local groups or clubs where they can meet like-minded people.

Helping your child stay safe and happy while gaming

When should I be worried about my child's gaming?

Signs there may be a problem

These are some signs that a young person is finding it hard to control the way they're gaming:

they feel regularly exhausted and disengaged

they're struggling to concentrate at school

they prioritise gaming over important daily activities like sleeping, eating and washing

they're only socialising online and finding in-person interactions difficult to manage or enjoy

they no longer keep up with other interests they used to enjoy

they're finding it difficult to think or talk about much else

These feelings and behaviours can leave a young person feeling low or depressed, anxious, angry or isolated.

What to do if you're worried

If you've noticed some of these things, try to open up a conversation about what's going on. If your child is able to, think together about some strategies they could try to make things better. If your child is regularly experiencing these things and it's been going on for a while, they may need professional support to change the situation.

It's a good idea to seek professional advice if your child is:

Finding it difficult and distressing to end a gaming session. This might include experiencing feelings of anger, aggression (towards themselves or others), agitation and anxiety that are hard for them to manage when they do finally stop.

Using drugs to prolong gaming sessions.

Finding professional help

You can find out more about getting mental health support and navigating mental health services in our guide to getting help for your child.

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

This page was reviewed in August 2023. It was created with a parent or carer with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with gaming. We will next review the page in 2026. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Gaming and Mental Health | Parent Guide To Support

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Advice to help you if you're worried that the way your child is gaming, or playing video games, is affecting their mental health, and where to get support.

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Gaming is loved and enjoyed by children and adults across the world. It can be a way for children to be social, learn new skills, develop team work and relax. However, gaming also comes with risks for children. It can be difficult to keep up with the latest games and how they work. Here we take a look at key safety concerns and how you can support happier, safer gaming for your child.

Remember - If you are worried that a child is being groomed in a game, or on any other online platform you should seek support. You can contact your local police by calling 101. If you believe a child is in immediate danger call the police on 999.

If you would like to talk to a professional about any other online concerns, you can call the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000.

How can I make gaming safer for my child?

Talk with your child about gaming. Talk with your child to learn the games they like, what the content of those games are and what features the games have. This will help you to understand more about how your child plays games and how appropriate different games are. Once you know which games your child likes, you can use NSPCC's Net Aware to search for apps and games to find out more about them and how safe they are.

Learn together. You can use our resources to teach your child about safer gaming at all ages. For primary age children you can use our Jessie & Friends (ages 4-7) and Play, Like, Share (ages 8-10) resources. Secondary age children can access advice about gaming through the Thinkuknow website, as well as through on-going conversations with you.

Set boundaries and safety settings. Internet Matters make it easier to put safety settings in place, providing step-by-step guides for each console or device. Spend time setting these up with your child and make sure they know how to block and report on the games they are playing. You should also talk with your child to create an agreement for gaming; think about how much time they can spend, which games they can access, if you will allow in-app purchases and what spaces they can play in. For primary aged children it is advisable to have them play in shared spaces/the same room as you.

How risky is in-game chat?

Gaming is often a social activity for children and talking with friends is part of their enjoyment. However, in-game chat can pose risks such as:

● chatting with people they don't know. This can include adults that are seeking to make contact with children with the intention of sexual grooming and offences.
● inappropriate or unmoderated chat. Whilst a lot of chat is moderated, chat is live and there is a risk of exposure to sexual language, swearing or bullying.
● requests to make chat private. Once chat is moved off a monitored platform, no one is moderating it. This can be used to pressurise children into sharing personal information, photos, video or chat that they don't want to.
● offering gifts or trades. This may be used by offenders to build trust and a relationship with a child, as part of grooming.

Learn more about in-game chat and what you can do to make it safer by reading our parents and carers guide to in-game chat.

How do I know what games are age appropriate for my child?

Our article on what's appropriate for your child will help you to understand more about the Pan European Game Information (PEGI) age rating system, which helps parents and carers to make informed decisions around games, giving age ratings and content descriptors.

It is also important to consider your child's individual needs, emotional maturity and experiences to support the decisions you make around gaming. For example, a game may be rated age appropriate but have content that you know your child will find frightening or won't understand.

Should I be worried about gifts and trades in gaming?

Items such as game currency, skins, loot boxes, tools and weapons are often used in games to help a player progress through the game or give increased status amongst other gamers. Often these require in-app purchases, which many children won't have access to, or require your permission for, so accepting trades or gifts may be tempting.

Whilst not always the case, trades or gifts within gaming can be used by child sex offenders to gain contact with a child. They may offer gifts asking nothing in return, this can be part of the grooming process and can help to build a close relationship with a young person. They may also try to use gifts as a way to persuade a child to do something such as going on a webcam, taking photos or videos of themselves, moving conversation to a different online platform or to an offline platform such as messaging over phone.

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Gaming: what parents and carers need to know

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Gaming is loved and enjoyed by children and adults across the world. It can be a way for children to be social, learn new skills, develop team work and relax. However, gaming also comes with risks for children. It can be difficult to keep up with the latest games and how they work.

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Addiction can mean something very scary to parents and carers. When parents see that their child won't get off the tablet, gaming console or computer when called, they may bemoan the fact that their child is "addicted" when they actually mean that their child is "overusing online games." In situations like this, screen balance and perhaps even a digital detox may be recommended.

With the recent inclusion of 'gaming disorder' in the WHO's International Classification of Diseases, parents need to understand what is gaming disorder and how they can prevent their children from developing this 'addiction.'
The clinical definition of gaming addiction
Addiction in clinical terms is a pathological state that is diagnosed under certain criteria.

For example, gaming disorder is defined "by impaired control over gaming, increasing priority given to gaming over other activities to the extent that gaming takes precedence over other interests and daily activities, and continuation or escalation of gaming despite the occurrence of negative consequences." It is important to note that this behaviour pattern has lasted at least 12 months and has resulted in difficulties with family, friends, socializing, education and other areas of functioning.
Questions to ask to determine if they have the condition
Based on guidelines established by child protection experts, academics and researchers at EU Kids Online, parents should not automatically assume that their child's use of digital media is problematic, but they should ask themselves:

- Is my child physically healthy and sleeping enough?

- Is my child connecting socially with family and friends (in any form)?

- Is my child engaged with and achieving in school?

- Is my child pursuing interests and hobbies (in any form)?

- Is my child having fun and learning in their use of digital media?
Steps to take to deal with it
If the answers are yes, then parents consider whether their fears over digital media use are well-founded. If the answers are no, then "these particular parents and children may need to put in place regulations and restrictions in order to address problematic use."

In other words, parents and carers can tackle the overuse of online games by taking steps to achieve balance in their homes:

establish screen balance guidelines

find creative ways to allow games and tech time, balanced with outdoor or creative non-tech activities

make sure that games are age-appropriate and content-appropriate

notice how your children interact with their devices and games (aggressive, irritable, may mean that less screen time is needed)

A final point for parents to remember is that studies suggest that gaming disorder affects only a small proportion of people engaged in online gaming. Don't panic. Parent.

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Advice to prevent gaming addiction in young children | Internet Matters

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As gaming addiction has officially been recognised by the World Health Organisation as a mental health condition, we ask our experts to provide guidance on what it is and what steps parents can take to protect children from developing the condition.