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'Black-ish' Brings Debate Over Child Spanking Back Into Spotlight

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Parenting Panel: To Spank or not to Spank || STEVE HARVEY

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Smacking is one of those topics in parenting that never really goes away. It's always in the headlines or creating some kind of provocation on social media.

The reason? There's a disconnect.

A little under half of the Australian public sees it like this:

"I was smacked as a child and I turned out ok/it never hurt me."
(See my New York Times article about this.)
"If I don't smack them, how are they ever going to learn?" "I got smacked and I deserved it. If my kids deserve it, they'll get smacked too." "If you don't smack them, they'll turn into precious snowflakes." "It's the only thing that works." "You can't reason with a child."

Hands up! Who thinks smacking is ok?

We don't have great data on exactly who holds these pro-smacking attitudes. However, in 2019 the ABC published the results of their Australia Talks survey and found that there is a trend. Older Australians tend to agree that "smacking is an acceptable form of discipline" at higher levels than do younger Australians.

We do have some data on who is doing the smacking though. The research reveals that low-income parents are more likely to smack their children. This may be related to stress from financial pressure, and low levels of support. Race and nationality , plus education , along with religiosity , also predict who will be pro-smacking, although it's a little complicated .

Essentially, the research points to a politically indelicate reality: the biggest predictors of who will smack are low-income, low education, high religiosity (in countries where religious participation is low), or being from minority cultures, races, or nationalities.

With the research acknowledged, it's also worth highlighting that I've spoken with a large number of well heeled, well educated, non-religious, Anglo-Australians who are all for giving their child a whack on the backside if that child doesn't measure up.

In short, lots of people feel like smacking is ok.

The other side

While close to half of Australia says it's acceptable, researchers are increasingly of the opinion that smacking is harmful to children , and the data shows it is associated with a range of negative outcomes for our kids , both in the short and long term. While everyone has an opinion, the data is not really up for debate. With few exceptions , researchers (including those who are all for handing out "negative sanctions" for challenging behaviour) generally discourage any kind of physical hitting.

Based on the research, the Royal Australasian College of Physicians has stated in their official position paper that it "believes that physical punishment is an outdated practice. It fails to recognise the human rights of the child." The American Psychological Association has thrown its weight behind the stop smacking movement too. (In the USA they call it "spanking".)

These are smart people. And yet the 'stop smacking' position seems out of touch with what half of Australia thinks.

Where do we go from here? How do we help those who are pro-smacking recognise that there are stronger alternatives? Thus far, an appeal to the research has fallen on deaf ears. Anti-science sentiment has increased rapidly in recent years as political polarisation has accelerated. We've seen this with COVID-19 , anti-vaxxers , climate change , and more. Perhaps, an appeal to logic and morality might help?

An appeal to logic

Let's imagine a scenario. You're on the train after a long day at work in the office. A man and a woman, clearly a couple, are sitting nearby discussing the shopping trip they've been on in the city. The man pulls out a shopping bag and makes a comment about how much he loves the dress his wife bought - and how pleased he is that it was so cheap. "Half price!" His wife/partner looks at him quizzically and says, "It wasn't half price. We didn't buy the cheap one. Remember? We decided this was the one we'd get." He looks confused, asks the price, and on hearing what it costs, becomes aggressive. Then he hits her, exclaiming, "I can't believe we paid that much for this dress! You lied to me!" Then he hits her, once more. Each of those two hits is what we might call a "swat". But it's designed to hurt her. He's mad.

What are you feeling right now?

We don't accept violence towards an intimate partner. It's never ok.

If we shift the scenario to one where two people have a car accident. It's clearly an accident. No one is really at fault. Just one of those things. If one of the parties starts hitting the other, we call the police! We don't accept violence towards another adult. It's never ok.

"When a big child hits a small child in the playground, we call him a bully; five years later he punches a woman for her handbag and is called a mugger; later still, when he slugs a workmate who insults him, he is called a troublemaker; but when he becomes a father and hits his tiresome, disobedient or disrespectful child, we call him a disciplinarian." *

Why is it that I'm not allowed to hit another adult - even one being unreasonable, and who needs to be disciplined - without being charged, yet I can whack my kids? I weigh at least three times what they weigh. I'm far bigger and stronger. But the law doesn't call it abuse?

Smacking children is related to unwanted outcomes including our children being more likely to be violent, depressed, anxious, stressed, more likely to be delinquent, or to use and abuse drugs and alcohol. And the harsher the smacking, the greater the unwanted results. There are literally hundreds of studies that point to these outcomes. But... like the teen who doesn't believe us when we tell them drugs can hurt them because "nothing bad has ever happened to me or my friends", there are plenty of kids who are smacked but who don't experience these negative outcomes at dysfunctional levels... so it must be ok.

A generational change

When I was young, the law was changed around seatbelts. All of a sudden, we had to be restrained when we were in the car. Those long trips where we lay across the back seats were now to be spent sitting upright. Even a quick trip to the shops required us to click our seatbelts in place. And people were livid!

A generation later and we buckle up without thought.

The same can be said for a number of legislative changes.

The fact is that most Aussie parents still defend their 'right' to hit their children. But if laws were to change people would start to think twice. And the data is in from other countries, showing that smacking would be reduced, bit by bit. Parents would find other strategies. And children being hit would become a rare occurrence.

Parental guilt and justification

Many parents hold the belief that if we don't discipline our children, they'll grow up to be out of control. This is true... but remember, discipline means teaching good ways to act.

Smacking is not discipline. The evidence clearly shows that smacking doesn't keep the kids under control. It doesn't teach effectively. Rather, it seems to send them out of control (over the long term).

Nobody likes to be told that they are a bad parent, and that's not the point of this article either. Every parent says and does things to their kids that they wish they hadn't. And we feel guilt over it. Then some 'expert' comes along with a new study that re-opens the wound and we feel a need to justify our behaviour.

There's no other way to say it though - smacking is wrong .

What other options do I have?

And for those wondering what you're supposed to do instead?

There are a handful of positive, kind options that DO work much better than smacking. (Nothing will work 100% of the time, including smacking, but these work most of the time.) You can find them for free at my website. Just search my name (Justin Coulson) and the word, discipline. Here's a shortlist:

...and more.

If you want quicker access to solutions that work, take a look at my book, 10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know , or become a Happy Families member today.

Smacking kids breeds violence. Smacking kids breeds dysfunction. Smacking kids undermines self-worth and wellbeing. Smacking kids ruptures relationships.

Don't justify it. Truth be told - we can't justify it, and we shouldn't try to.

So instead of making excuses and justifying the times you have smacked, just stop it. There's no need for it. The sign of a great parent is not shown by how their child behaves. The sign of a great parent is how that parent behaves.

*Leach P. Children First. London: Penguin; 1994.

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The Spanking Debate: Changing Minds Takes a Generation

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Smacking is one of those topics in parenting that never really goes away. It's always in the headlines or creating some kind of provocation on social media. The reason? There's a disconnect. A little under half of the Australian public sees it like this: "I was smacked as a child and I turned out ok/it never hurt me."

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Debate Over Spanking Children | LoveToKnow

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Disciplining your child correctly can have your head spinning. You might have just been spanked as a child but now spanking has become a hot debate topic.…

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It's a bad day at the grocery store. Your 3-and-a-half-year-old insisted on walking instead of riding in the cart. They wouldn't stop screaming so you thought, Okay, I'll give them the freedom of movement they need as long as they stay by the cart.

But instead of getting better, things get worse. Your little one sprints down the aisles, tossing all manner of cookies and candies into your cart and knocks a cascade of apples down in the produce section.

Flustered, you finally grab them and strap them back into the cart, where the screaming begins again. You pull all the treats out of the cart and try your best to return them to the shelves, triggering even more crying.

When you get home, feeling exhausted, you discover that your child has 3 packs of m&ms crammed into their pockets. And you lose it. You launch into a well-projected rant about grocery store behavior and stealing. Your mind is racing for a consequence. Should you take away a toy? Or was this scenario bad enough to warrant a spanking?

In fact, spanking children is not recommended under any circumstance. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) also condemns yelling at kids and instead advises parents to use positive discipline strategies to help improve children's behavior and keep them safe.

Spanking has long been one of the biggest parenting controversies, but as new studies continue to show how harmful it is, the use of spanking is now on the decline in the United States. Many American parents have become more aware of the negative effects of spanking as a form of discipline.

What Are the Negative Effects of Spanking?

Using corporal punishment is associated with several negative outcomes, so much so that the AAP has called for a ban on spanking children.

1. It Doesn't Work

Children who are spanked show more aggressive behavior, according to a meta analysis of longitudinal studies from the University of Texas at Austin and the University of Michigan (Gershoff, E & Grogan-Kaylor, A).

Physical discipline is also associated with more defiant behavior and other externalizing behaviors in the future, even if it stops misbehavior in the short term.

2. It Breaks Down the Parent-Child Relationship

Using physical punishment can significantly affect the parent-child relationship. Studies found that teens whose parents had spanked them felt less close and affectionate towards their parents and were less likely to engage in problem solving with their parents.

3. Spanking May Contribute to Mental Health Problems

When children are subjected to physical discipline, their stress hormones are elevated. This can affect the way their brain forms, negatively impacting their mental health and self-esteem.

Hitting children puts them at an increased risk of experiencing physical abuse in their future relationships.

The negative outcomes associated with spanking children, such as increased aggressive behavior, mental health problems, and seeing the same behavior problems repeat themselves, are also associated with yelling at young children or shaming them.

Like spanking, verbally chastising your child puts their brain into fight or flight mode, and pumps stress hormones through their body. When this reaction happens repeatedly in childhood, it has lasting effects on the brain and on child development.

Is Spanking Child Abuse?

Spanking, in the way most parents use it, is not generally equivalent to physical abuse - but it can be used in an abusive way.

Most parents' use of spanking is in an earnest attempt to correct their children's behavior. It is done with an open hand and it does not leave a mark on the child's body (some experts, such as psychology professor Robert E. Larzelere, do not support a ban on spanking for this reason).

That being said, studies show that children who are spanked experience many of the same negative effects as those who are victims of child abuse, such as increased child aggression, antisocial behavior, and difficulty with self-regulation. Bottom line: spanking children just doesn't work, and it does more harm than good.

What Should I Do Instead of Spanking?

Effective Forms of Discipline

Remember that disciplining your child is about teaching them correct behaviors. Children do not need to feel bad to learn-and in fact, they can't learn when they feel bad.

Child outcomes are positive when the method of discipline is positive.

The following forms of discipline are effective and respectful of children. They work in the short-term but more importantly, they teach positive behaviors and help children with internalizing these behaviors over the long-term.

Modeling

Redirection

Positive time out

Natural or logical consequences

Let's break these down a bit further:

1. Modeling Positive Behaviors

Children want to learn and make you happy, even if it doesn't always feel that way. Give them the benefit of the doubt and show them exactly what you expect from them. Don't assume they know already.

For example, if you would like your child to close the car door without slamming it, show them exactly what doing this looks like. Then have them practice it a few times.

2. Redirection

Replace negative behaviors with positive behaviors that meet the same need. Matching the need is key here-we don't want just randomly redirect.

For example, if your child keeps annoying an older sibling who is trying to do their homework, they are showing that they need attention or interaction. Bring them into another room with you and distract them with an activity they enjoy.

If your toddler is throwing rocks into an area where other children are playing, move them somewhere else like the edge of a stream where they can throw rocks without hurting anyone. Or, give them a soft ball to throw and play with.

3. Positive Timeout

Sometimes, removing your child from a problematic situation is your best bet. But remember, this should not be done with the intent to shame them or make them feel bad. Instead, use timeout as a way to calm down and reset.

For example, if your child keeps knocking down another kid's Lego towers, you may need to take them out of the situation first. Once they are calm, you can return and show them how to make their own tower, and let them knock it down if they want. Or, you may decide that it's better to move onto something else.

If your child has a tantrum or a meltdown, time out is probably going to help. You can also do a 'time in' - where you stay with your child away from the action and help them with self-regulation.

4. Natural or Logical Consequences

Give your child the gift of being able to learn from their own mistakes. Kids need practice with decision making and whenever it is safe, you should allow them to fail in that process.

If your little one refuses to bring a jacket, the natural consequence is they may be cold (and then again, maybe they won't be!). But if you live in freezing temperatures, you may need to impose a logical consequence. In this case, you might let them know that they can play outside as long as they keep the jacket on.

It can feel strange at first when you start using more positive forms of discipline. This is natural, especially if you were brought up with other parenting methods. But remember that the goal of discipline is to teach, and kids who feel bad can't learn.

Parental spanking or using harsh discipline puts children at an increased risk of having low self-esteem and being victims of physical abuse in the future. These methods don't work and they harm kids. It's time to say goodbye to the old way of discipline and embrace a loving, supportive approach.

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The Spanking Debate: Negative Effects and Impacts of Spanking

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Learn about the negative impacts that using spanking as a punishment technique can have on your child.

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Smacking children: should it be made illegal? | The Week UK

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Controversial debate reignited over whether smacking constitutes reasonable punishment or child abuse

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Spanking found to impact children's brain response, leading to lasting consequences

Research has long underscored the negative effects of spanking on children's social-emotional development, self-regulation, and cognitive development, but new research, published this month, shows that spanking alters children's brain response in ways similar to severe maltreatment and increases perception of threats.

"The findings are one of the last pieces of evidence to make sense of the research of the last 50 years on spanking," says researcher Jorge Cuartas, a Ph.D. candidate at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, who coauthored the study with Katie McLaughlin, professor at the Department of Psychology at Harvard University. "We know that spanking is not effective and can be harmful for children's development and increases the chance of mental health issues. With these new findings, we also know it can have potential impact on brain development, changing biology, and leading to lasting consequences."

The study, " Corporal Punishment and Elevated Neural Response to Threat in Children," published in Child Development, examined spanked children's brain functioning in response to perceived environmental threats compared to children who were not spanked. Their findings showed that spanked children exhibited greater brain response, suggesting that spanking can alter children's brain function in similar ways to severe forms of maltreatment.

The study looked at 147 children, including some who were spanked and some who were not spanked in the beginning years of their lives, to see potential differences to the brain. By using MRI assessment, researchers observed changes in brain response while the children viewed a series of images featuring facial expressions that indicate emotional response, such as frowns and smiles. They found that children who had been spanked had a higher activity response in the areas of their brain that regulate these emotional responses and detect threats - even to facial expressions that most would consider non-threatening.

Perhaps surprisingly, says Cuartas, spanking elicits a similar response in children's brains to more threatening experiences like sexual abuse. "You see the same reactions in the brain," Cuartas explains. "Those consequences potentially affect the brain in areas often engaged in emotional regulation and threat detection, so that children can respond quickly to threats in the environment."

"Preschool and school age children - and even adults - [who have been] spanked are more likely to develop anxiety and depression disorders or have more difficulties engaging positively in schools and skills of regulation, which we know are necessary to be successful in educational settings."

While we tend to think of spanking as an "outdated" practice, it's still an incredibly common form of discipline used among parents and even in schools - despite the research linking the practice to negative results. There are only 62 countries - not including the United States - with a ban on corporal punishment, Cuartas points out. Additionally, nearly one-third of parents in the United States report spanking their children every week, often to detrimental effects and implications.

"Preschool and school age children - and even adults - [who have been] spanked are more likely to develop anxiety and depression disorders or have more difficulties engaging positively in schools and skills of regulation, which we know are necessary to be successful in educational settings," he says.

Cuartas offers three steps educators and caregivers can take toward eradicating spanking in schools and homes:

1. Recognize that spanking is not an effective tool of discipline in the classroom or at home. When parents or teachers use spanking, it doesn't lead to the desired outcomes in discipline or teach children how to regulate their emotions. "We know there are better techniques, like positive discipline, that are more effective," Cuartas says. "The most important tool out there is explaining to children certain behaviors that are wrong and what type of behavior to seek through an example."

2. Work to eradicate forms of violence in the home and school environment by pushing for policies that can make corporal punishment illegal in the world. As Cuartas notes, the issue of corporal punishment is still widely accepted in the world and even in the United States.

3. Provide better support to families. Research shows that parents aren't always to blame for using corporal punishment. Cuartas points to many different reasons why parents rely on spanking, including aspects like what they learned growing up, emotional factors like stress, and different familial circumstances. He notes that it's important to take care of the caregivers and offer tools that will help families and caregivers find other ways of discipline.

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Spanking found to impact children's brain response, leading to lasting consequences.

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Research on Spanking: It’s Bad for ALL Kids

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Hitting children undermines their well-being in the long term.

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Spanking Can Be an Appropriate Form of Child Discipline

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We won't go wrong if we exercise a firm and consistent hand with a soft and loving heart.

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From South Africa to Singapore to France, the question of when or where adults can physically discipline children continues to fuel debate.

From South Africa to Singapore to France, the question of when or where adults can physically discipline children continues to fuel debate.

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Still Ok To Spank? Corporal Punishment Around The World

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From South Africa to Singapore to France, the question of when or where adults can physically discipline children continues to fuel debate. From South Africa to Singapore to France, the question of when or where adults can physically discipline children continues to fuel debate.

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Wales has become the second UK nation to ban the smacking or slapping of children.

Scotland was the first to ban physical punishment of children, in November 2020, although the British crown dependency of Jersey led the way by vetoing smacking in April of that year.

Now, Wales has followed by removing the legal defence of reasonable punishment, which means "anyone who smacks a child in their care could be arrested and prosecuted for assault", the BBC reported.

First Minister Mark Drakeford said that the ban marked a "historic day" for children and that there was "no place for physical punishment in a modern Wales".

"The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child makes it clear that children have the right to be protected from harm and from being hurt and this includes physical punishment," he continued. "That right is now enshrined in Welsh law.

"No more grey areas. No more defence of reasonable punishment. That is all in the past."

Critics have claimed that law change could criminalise parents and create a "Stasi culture", with people "shopping" their neighbours or making malicious allegations, reported The Guardian.

Julie Morgan, the deputy minister for social services, insisted that "we don't want people spying".

"Looking after children is the responsibility of the whole community," she said.

Polling by YouGov for the NSPCC on 21 March, the day that Wales officially banned smacking, found that attitudes to smacking in England are changing too. Of almost 3,000 adults quizzed, 68% said that physically disciplining a child was not acceptable, and 64% backed a smacking ban in England.

England is now in the "lonely" position of being the only nation in Britain that allows parents to hit their children, putting it, said The Times. Along with Northern Ireland, England still permits smacking that is deemed to constitute "reasonable punishment".

The vast majority of countries across the world have codified laws banning child abuse, including that committed by a parent or guardian under the guise of "discipline". But more moderate physical chastisement occupies a grey area in most of these nations.

Until recent decades, corporal punishment was not considered taboo even in otherwise progressive countries. Caning was not outlawed in British state schools until 1987, and remained legal in private schools until 1997.

But while the developed world continues to move towards non-physical forms of discipline, only a minority of countries have completely outlawed corporal punishment.

According to the Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children, a total 63 states worldwide have made smacking children illegal in any setting, including the home. Corporal punishment is illegal in schools in a total of 135 countries.

In 1979, Sweden became the first country in the world to explicitly ban the corporal punishment of children.

The ban sparked a fierce debate about parental rights and state responsibilities and "made headlines all over the world", says Radio Sweden. One of the station's correspondents recalled "reading headlines like 'The Swedes have gone mad' and 'The government takes charge of parenting in Sweden'".

Other early adopters include Norway, Finland, Austria and Denmark. In the 1990s, a slew of European countries outlawed the practice, and in 2000, Israel became the first non-European state to ban smacking.

Countries in Africa, Latin America and Asia have also joined the growing list of nations where corporal punishment is banned. South Korea and Colombia last year became the most recent nations to ban all forms of smacking and corporal punishment of children.

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Countries where smacking children is illegal | The Week UK

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Wales has become the second UK nation to ban the smacking or slapping of children. Scotland was the first to ban physical punishment of children, in November 2020, although the British crown dependency of Jersey led the way by vetoing smacking in April of that year.

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Parents Should Not Be Spanking Their Kids, and Here’s Why

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While most parents spank their children at some point, experts advise against the disciplinary practice. Learn more about the negative psychological, behavioral, and emotional effects of spanking, and what to do instead.

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The effects of spanking a child - Infographic

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We explore In-depth studies which show that spanked children fail to keep up with the development of the average child. Cultural equivalent terms for 'spanking' would be 'corporal punishment', 'smacking', 'hitting', 'châtiment corporel', 'castigo físico...