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Northern Post Adoption Consortium (NPAC)

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Northern Post Adoption Consortium (NPAC)

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Northern Post Adoption Consortium (NPAC)

Post Adoption Support Services for Virginia Families

Lead by C.A.S.E. in conjunction with our partners, the Children's Home Society and Encircle, the Northern Post Adoption Consortium (NPAC) provides FREE post-adoption guidance, resources, and support services to Virginia families. Families who have a finalized adoption and live in (enter the names of) counties are eligible for these consortium services.

Sign up for NPAC e-newsletter

NPAC: Post-Adoption Services and Support

Post-Adoption Support Coaching

Our Impact

The wide variety of adoption-related resources and services funded through our NPAC grant impact over 200 families each year.

For Northern VA Families

FOR NORTHERN VA FAMILIES: "Lunch Bunch" Parent Support Group

Are you an adoptive family living in Northern Virginia? Join the "Lunch Bunch" Parent Support Group!

Get the Post Adoption Support You Need.

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Northern Post Adoption Consortium (NPAC)

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Find compassionate adoption support in Virginia with our agency. Expert guidance for a seamless adoption process. Trust our caring team.

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Browse our collection of books about Adoption here:

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Browse our collection of books about Adoption here:

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Kinship care families are everywhere. Millions of grandparents and other caregivers throughout the United States have stepped forward to raise children for family members or friends. According to the 2010 U.S. Census, 4,182 grandparents in Fairfax County are responsible for raising their grandchildren. Grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, godparents, and close friends have taken on the role of substitute parents to many children. Family members and close friends have raised the children of others for generations, however, the challenges facing families have changed significantly over time.
Kinship care is typically considered to be either informal or formal:
Informal kinship care is when the family/kin decides that the child will live with relatives or friends. Most kinship care arrangements are informal. The caregiver may want to obtain legal custody of the child in order to have the maximum ability to make decisions about the health and welfare of the child.

Formal kinship care involves parenting of children by family/kin or friend as a result of a determination by the court or the child welfare agency. The courts rule that the child must be separated from his or her parents because of abuse, neglect, dependency, abandonment, or special medical circumstances. The child is then placed in the legal custody of the child welfare agency, and the kin provide the full time care, protection, and nurturing of the child. The alternative to formal or informal kinship care is usually placement with a foster care provider.

As kinship care providers, you probably thought your days of raising children were over, or you were surprised by the need to raise a relative's children--perhaps with your own. Raising children is expensive and exhausting. But, by raising these children, you're making a meaningful difference in their lives.

County and State Resources and Services

Fairfax County Government / Department of Family Services (DFS) Kinship Care

Apply Online for Financial and Medical Assistance Benefits: CommonHelp is the Commonwealth of Virginia's fast and easy way to apply online for many Virginia social services assistance programs such as Medicaid, SNAP, TANF, Energy Assistance, and Child Care. On this site, you can find out what assistance you might be eligible for and submit one application, saving you time and effort.

Print Resources

Support Groups

Support groups for families raising children of relatives meet twice monthly at two sites in the county. There is no cost and childcare is provided. Registration is required.

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Fairfax County Public Schools (FCPS) in partnership with other Fairfax County departments and agencies offers services and programs for grandparents and other family members raising children in the place of a parent.

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Foster Care & Adoption-Fairfax County Government

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Foster Care & Adoption-Fairfax County Government

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Today, nearly 200 Fairfax County children are in foster care. The Department of Family Services' Foster Care and Adoption Program offers temporary foster homes for these children, and services to help their families. When a child cannot return home safely, we seek to find relatives who want to care for the child, and are legally eligible to do so. If a relative is not identified, or is unable to care for the child, we seek a permanent home through adoption.

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Fairfax County, Virginia - The Department of Family Services' Foster Care and Adoption Program is searching for families to provide foster and adoptive homes for children in foster care. Learn how to get involved.

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We have found the best of the best books about adoption for kids and for adults. Our children's books are broken out by age & type of adoption.

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Browse our collection of books about Foster Care here:

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Browse our collection of books about Foster Care here:

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Raising and Working with Children and Youth in Foster Care or Living with Kin

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Raising and Working with Children and Youth in Foster Care or Living with Kin

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Virginia Family Special Education Connection

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Raising and Working with Children and Youth in Foster Care or Living with Kin: Your Guide to Resources in Virginia

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The goal of this website is to provide a one-stop-shop for parents, families and caregivers of children with special needs to Learn about and plan your child’s educational program, Understand your legal rights and responsibilities, Access local resources including school system contacts and disability services in your community, Access an abundance of resources, including instructional strategies, assistive technology and behavioral supports to help your child succeed.

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Raising and Working with Children and Youth in Foster Care or Living with Kin

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Raising and Working with Children and Youth in Foster Care or Living with Kin

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Virginia Family Special Education Connection

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Raising and Working with Children and Youth in Foster Care or Living with Kin: Your Guide to Resources in Virginia

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The goal of this website is to provide a one-stop-shop for parents, families and caregivers of children with special needs to Learn about and plan your child’s educational program, Understand your legal rights and responsibilities, Access local resources including school system contacts and disability services in your community, Access an abundance of resources, including instructional strategies, assistive technology and behavioral supports to help your child succeed.

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Bringing a new baby into the family can be both an exciting and a challenging time for a big brother or sister. How you choose to tell children about new siblings and prepare them for changes in family life will vary depending on the age difference, but there are some rules of thumb experts recommend to create the best possible environment for your expanding family.

You may be thrilled to have a second child on the way but the upsides of a bawling new baby who is going to grow up and try to steal your older child's toys may not be so clear to them. Babies aren't easy. And jealous older siblings who act out will only make the transition harder. Preparing older children in advance and helping them feel included in the process can go a long way to a smooth and happy family life.

The more time your child has to get used to the idea of a new baby, the better. When mom is pregnant, experts agree it's best to tell your child as soon as the baby begins to show. However, if a pregnant woman is experiencing morning sickness or has a very young child who can't be jumping on her the way he is used to, parents might want to consider telling their older child even sooner. "It's always best to be honest to avoid making kids anxious about what's happening," says Mandi Silverman, PsyD, a clinical psychologist. "So don't wait too long to tell your child."

If the family is adopting or using surrogacy, the coming baby may not be visibly obvious, Dr. Silverman adds, "but definitely still start the conversation early."

Dr. Silverman stresses that parents need to give children as much time as possible to ask all the questions they need to but also to get in some extra special alone time with each parent. "The key thing here is that parents need to indicate that this is a positive thing for a family," she says. "It's a change, and change - whether it's good or bad - is something that takes time to get used to."

The language you use to explain these changes to your child should be developmentally and age appropriate. Emphasize change for the good and all the great things a new baby will bring to the family. "There's one more person to love," suggests Dr. Silverman. "There's somebody new to spend time with. Watching the baby do new things, and teaching him things, will be fun. Holidays will be even more special when there's a new baby."

While you want to emphasize all the great things about having a new little brother or sister, older children also need to know things that will be difficult. Be as specific as is appropriate for your child. You may tell them that babies are a lot of work. "They can't do things on their own. You know, they can't feed themselves. They need somebody to change their diapers. They may be up at night. They cry. It can be loud. It can be annoying," says Dr. Silverman. But reassure your older child that you will do whatever you can to keep the baby quiet and happy and on a regular sleep schedule as soon as possible. And also that you are going to make time to spend with them.

One thing you can do with a child of any age to help them feel reassured and secure is to establish a ritual (even if it's just a few minutes of playtime or reading) that each parent can do with them before the arrival of the new baby and that continues after the new sibling comes.

"Something like a constant," says Kristin Carothers, PhD, a clinical psychologist, "where the kid knows, yes, this is something that I had before my sibling and I get to have it after my sibling. Mom and dad have protected this time for me.

Getting your older children involved in the preparations for the new baby will help them to feel more a part of the change and growth in the family. Some families involve older children in decorating the new baby's nursery or choosing toys for their new sibling. "Some families invite their other children into the process of picking a name," Dr. Silverman adds. She knows one family in which the big brother wanted his baby sister to be named after a character in his favorite Disney movie. Fortunately, his parents liked the name, and they went with it.

Even the best-prepared kids may suddenly start acting younger, and seeking the kind of attention their new sibling gets. For example, your toilet-trained child might start having accidents or want to go back to wearing diapers or they might want to take a bottle. "It is totally normal for children to engage in regressive behaviors when a new baby arrives," Dr. Carothers says. "It's children's way of making sure their parents are aware that they still need them and it helps them to get the attention they crave.

Older, school-aged children have a strong sense of fairness and equality so they might not understand why one child is being treated differently than another, even though a baby has different needs, and this can cause them to act out.

To help them feel valued, it can be good to give older children developmentally appropriate jobs that make them feel special. It's also good to praise the positive mature behaviors the child exhibits.

They may be confused when you leave for the hospital. Explain that you will be back with the new baby in a few days.

Your child may feel worried by your absence or simply left out, so if a family member or friend is coming to help take care of your child, hopefully that person can try to make the time extra special for them. If there are any important routines that your child counts on, it's a good idea to share that information ahead of time.

If the child is old enough, allow them to come visit the new baby in the hospital.

Think about how to involve your child in the daily routines involving the new baby. You know your kid best. "One child might really like to help clean up, and another child really likes to cuddle," says Dr. Silverman. "So, let's say during feeding time maybe the other child is sitting next to mommy and snuggling with the baby and mommy or daddy. Another child may be the one that brings over the burp cloth or maybe they stand on a step stool and help with diaper changes or they can hold the towel at bath time."

Children this young may not "get" all that much about what it is going to mean to them to have a new brother or sister. But you should still talk about the new baby with excitement.

Look at picture books about a new baby. At the very least, your child will become familiar with words like "sister," "brother" and "new baby."

Do something special for your older child when the new baby arrives. This could mean taking them someplace special, spending time with grandparents or a small gift.

If your family is comfortable using the baby's name before it's born, that's an excellent way for little kids to get used the idea.

At this age, kids tend to be pretty territorial when it comes to their parents and may not love the idea of sharing your attention. They may also be more sensitive to change in the family than you might imagine a child this young would be. "I think for a 2- to 4-year-old, the easiest way to talk about it would be to say that the family is going to grow," says Dr. Carothers. "Explain there is going to be a new person who's going to come into the family and that's going to be a brother or a sister".

Then, says Dr. Carothers, "I would link it to maybe a TV show, cartoon, activity or book that they enjoy where there is a new sibling or there is a younger sibling. Board books and picture books about new babies are a great thing to add to the usual bedtime ritual. This helps build positive associations to phrases like 'new baby' and 'little brother' or 'little sister.' "

The other technique Dr. Carothers suggests is buying the older child a special doll -their "baby" - that they can practice holding and caring for.

Dr. Carothers advises explaining to kids this age that there are fun things about babies - you get to play with them - but the baby also needs mom's or dad's help. "And so, it may seem that the baby is getting to be with mom and dad more, but mom and dad love everybody the same." This is where popular culture can come in handy as a teaching tool. "Maybe the 4- to 6-year-olds would watch something like an Arthur. Before his sister DW came around it was just Arthur and his mom and dad, and afterwards there was DW and then things changed."

Check with local hospitals to see if they offer sibling classes for families expecting new babies. These can be especially helpful.

Tell your child what is happening in language they can understand. Explain what having a new baby means and what changes may affect them - both the good and the not so good.

Have your older child help get things ready for the new baby. Maybe they can help pick out clothes or books, or fix up the baby's room. Whatever they do, let them know that you really appreciate their help and that they are being a great brother or sister already.

Another strategy Dr. Silverman suggests is having the older child spend time with another family with a baby and maybe even, with adult supervision, learn how to hold and gently touch the baby.

Practice with a doll can be good for older kids as well. "I actually just recently did this in session with one of my kiddos who's expecting a baby sister this summer," Dr. Silverman says. "I gave him some brief pointers, like how to hold a baby. I even had him hold the baby doll on the couch with the pillow under his arm, and then afterward he was really excited to tell his mom all about the things he learned about being a big brother."

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Preparing Your Child for a New Sibling - Child Mind Institute

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How to help an older child feel positive about the arrival of a new baby and head off problem behaviors that can make family life difficult

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Foster Care, Special Education, and Learning and Thinking Differences: What You Need to Know

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Foster Care, Special Education, and Learning and Thinking Differences: What You Need to Know

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At a glance

In most cases, foster parents don't have the right to participate in their foster child's special education.

There are still ways to help your foster child work through challenges at school.

The Every Student Succeeds Act offers some protections for kids in foster care.

Working closely with the school is key to getting the best help for kids with learning and thinking differences. But if you're a foster parent, that can be difficult.

Foster parents don't have the same legal rights as biological or adoptive parents. So, you may be limited in how involved you can be with the school, and in how much you can advocate for your foster child.

But even with these limitations, you can still play a vital role in helping your foster child work on challenges. Read on to learn more about foster care and learning and thinking differences.

Legal rights in the special education process

IDEA is the federal special education law. It gives biological and adoptive parents certain rights, starting with the right to participate in their child's special education. Under the law, they are presumed to be the primary decision makers for their child. That means schools must try to involve them.

That's true even if their child is in foster care. Parents have these rights even if they live in another state or can't travel to the school. It's also not unheard of for parents to call in to school meetings by phone from prison to participate.

Here are some of the things foster parents may not have the legal rights to do:

All this can change if the biological or adoptive parents have lost or given up their parental rights through court order. Or if they can't be located or won't respond after repeated attempts to contact.

In these cases, IDEA allows others, like foster parents, to serve as the educational decision maker for the child.

Foster parents may not have the same rights as biological or adoptive parents. But they often have valuable information to share with the school. Many schools look to foster parents to learn more about the child. Sometimes, the biological or adoptive parents may ask for foster parents to be more involved as well.

If you have a foster child in the special education process, it's important to ask the school about what your rights are.

Finding out about learning challenges

The information available to foster parents can be very limited. If the child welfare agency does not provide you with school records, you may not know how much your foster child struggles in school, or why. But you still may be able to get an idea of the challenges in other ways.

First, your foster child might tell you and share what's happening at school. You can also ask direct questions like:

"Are you having a hard time in school?"

"Are you getting help at school?"

"Do you have shorter homework assignments than the other kids in class?"

There are certain behaviors that might be signs of learning and thinking differences, too. Your foster child might say things like "I'm dumb" or "I can't do it." You might see signs of anxiety about school, such as your foster child refusing to go to school or frequently complaining of stomachaches or headaches in order to stay home.

A child and family team (CFT) meeting is a good place to ask questions about your foster child's challenges in school. These meetings might also be called family team meetings or family group decision-making meetings. They're run by your state's child welfare agency.

CFT meetings include parents, other family members, social workers, foster parents, and people in the family's support network. You might also want to ask if the biological or adoptive parents would allow you to see school records and attend IEP meetings or any disciplinary meetings.

The sooner you know that your foster child has learning and thinking differences, the sooner you can provide support at home.

Risks and protections for kids in foster care

Foster care and problems at school are closely linked. Data show that kids in foster care are at greater risk of having learning and thinking differences. They're also less likely to graduate from high school than kids who aren't in foster care - whether or not they have learning and thinking differences.

Many kids who enter foster care have slipped through the cracks at school. It's often not until they're in the foster care system that they're identified as eligible for special education. By then, they've lost valuable time for intervention and special education supports and services.

It takes time for teachers to learn what supports each child needs. And it takes time for kids to learn what is expected of them at a new school.

Schools don't always teach the same information at the same time. The new school might expect students to already know something that your foster child wasn't taught at the previous school.

Kids in foster care also often have a harder time trusting adults and building new relationships.

High school students have the added risk of losing their credits if they transfer in the middle of the year.

The Every Student Succeeds Act (ESSA) offers some protections for students in foster care who are switching schools. Under ESSA:

Students are allowed to stay in their original school if it's in the child's best interest.

Schools must work with the child welfare agency on a transportation plan for students in foster care.

Schools must immediately enroll kids who are in foster care even if they don't have paperwork or documentation. The school can make the request for records from the previous school.

If the child has an IEP, the new school must provide comparable services to the child's current IEP. The school can develop a new IEP or can have the IEP transferred from the previous school.

Emotional challenges and school discipline

Kids who are in foster care are more likely to be disciplined at school than other students. So are kids with learning and thinking differences. They sometimes act out when they don't think they can do what's being asked of them.

Here are some ways you can help:

Allow your foster child to express feelings, even if they're intense. Try to remain calm. Remember that it's normal for kids in foster care to be upset or angry. This is especially true when a child has been placed in a new foster home.

Talk with your foster child about social and emotional challenges.

Talk to teachers about your foster child's home situation. If teachers know that a child is going through a hard time, they can provide more supports at school. They may also give more leeway and be more understanding.

Observe and take notes on your foster child's behavior. Share them with the school. Also share any specific challenges your child expresses about schoolwork, assignments and coping with life at school.

Understanding learning and thinking differences

Many learning and thinking differences run in families. So, it's sometimes easier for biological parents to understand their child's challenges than it is for foster parents. The more you know about learning and thinking differences, the easier it will be for you to help and support your foster child at home.

Key takeaways

Even though foster parents aren't covered under IDEA, it's important to check your state's laws relating to special education.

As a foster parent, you have valuable information to share with the school.

Talk with teachers about specific challenges your foster child expresses about schoolwork, assignments, and coping with life at school.

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Do foster parents have rights in the special education process? Learn about the role of foster parents in helping kids with learning and thinking differences.

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Tips To Know For Youth (Age 14 And Older) With IEPs Who Are In Foster Care

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Tips To Know For Youth (Age 14 And Older) With IEPs Who Are In Foster Care

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Youth in Foster Care: What Happen When You Turn 18?

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Youth in Foster Care: What Happen When You Turn 18?

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Fairfax County, Virginia - Assisting kinship families who need a connection to services, such as child care, education, health care, and financial help, and are seeking support from professionals or peers.

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Browse our collection of books about Family here:

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Browse our collection of books about Family here:

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Emotional & Mental Wellness for Families

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Emotional & Mental Wellness for Families

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Kinship Families: Rights and Responsibilities

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Kinship Families: Rights and Responsibilities

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Modern Families: Fostering Resilience and Inclusivity while Welcoming and Affirming All Families

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Modern Families: Fostering Resilience and Inclusivity while Welcoming and Affirming All Families

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Modern Families: Fostering Resilience and Inclusivity while Welcoming and Affirming All Families

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Bringing Home Baby: 5 Tips to Help Older Siblings Adjust

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Bringing Home Baby: 5 Tips to Help Older Siblings Adjust

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You can hear your four-year-old son down the hallway, his excited footsteps getting louder as they approach your hospital room. You're cradling your newborn in your arms, so excited for the two of them to meet for the first time.

Your oldest bursts through the door and runs over to your bedside. He's grinning from ear to ear. "Is this my new brother?"

It's the moment you've been dreaming of for nine long months.

Your heart bursts seeing the two of them together. It's obvious your son absolutely LOVES his new baby brother...maybe a little too much.

It doesn't take long for you to find yourself throwing out the same old lines:
"Careful, honey, don't squeeze him!" "No, you are not big enough to hold him by yourself!" "Please, just leave the baby alone. He's sleeping!"
The constant correction and string of "nos" start to wear on your oldest and resentment sets in. After all, it wasn't long ago that he had mom and dad all to himself.

"Can't the baby just go back in mommy's tummy?" he asks.

There's no denying that bringing home a second child is completely new territory-for both you as parents and for your oldest child! Gone are the days of simply trying to figure out how to care for a newborn. Now you have the added responsibility of meeting the needs of two children.

Daunting as it may seem, it is completely normal for your oldest to experience some jealousy with the addition of a new baby. As with any big life change, it takes some time to adjust-especially for young children.

Here are 5 tips for helping your firstborn adjust to life with a new baby brother or sister.

Note: We know that sibling rivalry is a big concern for many parents, which is why we've dedicated an entire session to this one issue. Positive Parenting Solutions Members , review Session 5, "Conflict Resolution and Sibling Rivalry."

Tip #1: Mind, Body, and Soul Time (MBST)

Those early days, weeks, and months with a new baby are something special. Hectic? Sure. Tiresome? Absolutely. But special, nonetheless, because that is the time you truly start to bond with your new child.

There's nothing quite like enjoying those precious newborn snuggles while swaying back and forth in a rocking chair or catching a strong whiff of that sweet baby smell as you give her a bath.

Still, as important as it is to bond with your newborn, it is equally important-if not more so-to put forth the effort of making time for your oldest child-to reinforce his emotional connection with you. This is where Mind, Body, and Soul Time comes in.

Each parent should set aside 10-15 minutes at least once per day to spend with their oldest, one-on-one. Maybe your daughter enjoys playing with Legos or your son loves coloring. Whatever it may be, let them choose the activity then do it together-without distraction. Be totally present in mind, body and soul for those 10 minutes with your oldest.

Like medicine for misbehavior, MBST will give your child a healthy dose of much-needed attention. It also serves as a great reminder that they are still important to you, even with the new baby around.

Note: Curious how you can manage Mind, Body and Soul Time with a newborn? Positive Parenting Solutions Members , review Session 1 to learn the ins and outs of MBST and also see the advanced module, "The Busy Parent's Guide to Mind, Body, and Soul Time."

Tip #2: Try to Keep Their Routine

It's easy to feel all alone during those 3 AM feeding sessions when everyone else is blissfully asleep, without a care in the world. But the truth is, a new baby is stressful for the family-including your older child.

In what felt like the blink of an eye, everything in your life has suddenly changed. Sleep is disrupted, laundry is piling up, and your stress level has reached an all-time high.

Yes, change is certainly hard on us as adults. But it can be particularly troublesome for young kids because with change comes insecurity.

Your oldest may find himself wondering: Do mommy and daddy still love me like they used to? Why don't they spend as much time with me as they used to? or Where do I fit in?

Fortunately, kids thrive on predictable routines.

Want to provide a nice buffer from any negative feelings that may be sparked by the baby's arrival? Make sure you keep up with the same daily routine he always had-or as close to it as possible.

For instance, does your child have a particular bedtime routine? Stick with it...but with, perhaps, one adjustment.

The addition of a new baby may mean a split in responsibility between both parents. While you both may have done bedtime tuck-in together in the past, now it may not be possible as one parent must be off with the baby.

Let me assure you, that's completely fine! I would argue it's preferable because it offers your child a big dose of one-on-one attention.

So give him a bath, brush his teeth, read a book-whatever your routine may have been before-and make sure it stays the same each night. You'll be amazed at the difference you see in your oldest child's behavior.

Note: Positive Parenting Solutions Members , review Session 3, Lesson 24 to learn how you can institute no-nagging, sanity-saving routines into your day.

Tip #3: Let Them Help

In many ways, kids are just like adults. They don't just to know that their contributions make a difference to their family-they to know!

This is a wonderful thing to consider when introducing a new baby to the family. After all, babies are a lot of work. It makes sense to let every family member contribute to their care, even the older sibling.

Be sure to find age-appropriate tasks your oldest can do in order to help care for the baby. If your oldest is between the ages of 18 months and 3 years, have him take dirty diapers to the diaper pail or give the baby a pacifier. If he is a little older, perhaps you let him help prepare the bottles or fold the burp cloths.

By allowing him to actively contribute to the new baby's care, you're giving him a hearty boost of positive power while also helping him bond with his new sibling. It really is a win-win.

Tip #4: Remind Them of Their Significance

A child's primary goal is to achieve a sense of b elonging within your family unit and to feel significant . Naturally, this can feel threatened when a new baby enters the scene.

Make it a habit to regularly remind your oldest of the important role he plays in the family-as a brother and as a son.

Try using encouraging phrases that focus on the effort he's putting in like:
"I appreciate you helping me feed the baby." "I can tell you really care about your brother/sister when you help me change their diaper." "Thank you for putting the baby's clothes away. That makes a big difference for our family."
By offering up a regular dose of encouragement, you'll ensure that he is positively reminded of his significance to the family, and more importantly, the new baby. This will help combat any negative feelings of jealousy or sibling rivalry .

Tip #5: Mind Your Tone

Just imagine, you've finally gotten your newborn to fall asleep after an hour-long bout of incessant crying. You check on your older son who is happily playing with trucks in his room.

Perfect! You've got at least five minutes of free time. Maybe now you can grab a quick shower.

However, just as you pull back the shower curtain you hear it-the high pitched wail of your newborn being ripped from his slumber.

Half-naked and partially covered by a towel, you run into the nursery only to find your oldest beside the crib. His arm is reaching in between the bars, pinching his brother's tiny cheeks.

When an older sibling is rough or reckless with the baby-especially when safety is involved-it is natural to want to raise your voice. You may feel the urge to yell or shout, if only to get his attention and ensure it doesn't happen again. But, be careful!

Your tone of voice is powerful. Although it isn't your intention, any harshness in your tone may be just enough to make your older child feel discouraged and therefore blame the baby for that feeling.

Instead, try to keep your voice calm but stern, especially if safety is at risk . A calm voice doesn't mean your child gets away with it. You can still take time for training on gentle touch in the future and better yet, "control the environment" by putting a door monkey on your newborn's door so your older child can't get into the baby's room during nap time.

But, staying calm in the heat of the moment keeps the communication lines open and allows your older child the opportunity to learn from his mistake (instead of fear the wrath of mommy).

And, more importantly, your calm voice will ensure there aren't any lingering feelings of resentment towards the baby.

Final Thoughts

Congratulations! Bringing a new baby into the world is certainly something to celebrate, even if it isn't your first.

And when it comes to big brother or sister, understanding that a little jealousy is normal goes a long way. Still, why not try to put a stop to the green-eyed monster before he's reared his big green head?

Using these tips and numerous other resources Positive Parenting Solutions offers, we're here to help you navigate those early weeks, months, and even years of parenting multiple children.

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Bringing Home Baby: 5 Tips to Help Older Siblings Adjust - Positive Parenting Solutions

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Bringing home a new baby brother or sister is an exciting time for a child, but the adjustment can be rough. Although a certain amount of jealousy of the new baby is normal it can be hard for parents to handle. Here are 5 tips for helping your firstborn adjust to life with a new baby.

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When Is He Going Back in Your Belly? How to Help Older Siblings Adjust to the New Baby

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When Is He Going Back in Your Belly? How to Help Older Siblings Adjust to the New Baby

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Having a baby is life-changing for everyone involved. Like many major life events, it is joyful and exciting, but also stressful. Bringing home a new baby shifts family needs, relationships and responsibilities.

Aside from the expected challenges parents face in figuring out how to manage multiple children while trying to maintain their own relationship, the reaction of the first-born is often top-of-mind for parents. The good news: There is a lot you can do to help your older child adapt to a new baby in ways that maximize the chance that she will ultimately develop a close, loving relationship with her sibling.

Expect your child to have mixed feelings / reactions and show compassion. An older child is often really excited about the new baby coming when it is just a concept - a bulge in mom's belly. But once a baby is a reality, many older siblings have very mixed feelings about their new brother or sister. They may love the baby intensely, yet also feel angry and resentful at having to share the attention of caregivers. Children may worry about whether their parents will care for and love them in the same way as before the baby arrived. These feelings can be overwhelming and uncomfortable, resulting in a range of behaviors-including acting clingier, throwing more tantrums and expressing negative feelings towards the baby, such as announcing that they wish he would just go away. This is perfectly normal. The first step in helping your child manage these complex emotions is to let him know his feelings are understood and valid. "It is so hard to wait while I feed your sister. I will help you build your tower when she is done eating." Then help your child find acceptable ways to express his emotions. Encourage him to talk about his frustrations and help him brainstorm ways to cope in those situations so that he has acceptable tools to use in those moments.

Avoid putting pressure on your child to be in love with the new baby. First, babies don't do much, so there is not a lot of immediate reward in interacting with them. Next, the new baby represents someone who is taking attention away from the older child, so expecting her to be madly in love with the baby at this early stage is unrealistic. Finally, when the older child senses pressure to love the baby, it can have the opposite effect and make her less likely to feel warmly toward her new sibling. With time and space, your older child is more likely to make a positive connection with her brother or sister.

Don't make everything about the new baby. When you're taking photos of the baby, snap some pictures of your older child. When family and friends visit the baby, remind them to take time to talk and play with your older child, too. Whenever possible, carve out some special just for you and your older child to be together, without interruptions from the baby.

Teach your older child how to safely interact with the baby. Using a doll or a stuffed animal, demonstrate actions that are gentle and those that may be too rough for the baby. If your older child is too forceful physically or does something unacceptable, like grabbing one of the baby's toys from her, avoid reacting with anger. We know this is easier said than done; many of us have blurted out responses like, "What is wrong with you? Don't hurt your brother!" Instead, calmly take hold of her hands-firmly but not angrily-and show her how she can safely engage with her sibling. If she continues to be aggressive, let her know that you see she's having a hard time controlling her body and move her to another activity. Make it about the rule (you can't play with others if you're grabbing) and not about protecting the baby from his big sister which could only increase the older child's feelings of rivalry.

Encourage your older child to help with the new baby, but don't force it. See if he wants to get the clean diaper ready, pick out clothes or rock the baby in her carrier. Don't pressure him if he is not interested. Stay matter-of-fact: "It's okay if you don't want to help right now. Would you like to bring your cars in here so we can be together?" Shaming a child for natural feelings of confusion or jealousy can lead to increased negative feelings toward the baby and to more anger and challenging behaviors.

During your pregnancy of after the birth of a sibling, be prepared for your older child to show signs of regression-engaging in behaviors typical of younger children. Your child may insist on a bottle, use baby talk or begin having potty accidents. Taking steps backwards in development is often a sign of stress. It also signals that your older child may be struggling to understand his place in the family; acting like a baby means receiving more attention and care. Encouraging or demanding that older children act "like a big boy or girl" often backfires, as they don't want to be a big kid in that moment. Though it may feel uncomfortable, when you respond to the need your child is expressing, she is more likely to return to age-appropriate functioning fairly quickly. For example, when you give older children the bottle they are demanding, they usually find it silly and give it up shortly. If they have lots of potty accidents, be sure not to respond with disappointment or punishment. If they talk like a baby, just respond like you understand what they are saying and don't make a big deal out of it. "I think you are telling me you want me to read that book. I'd love to." The more matter-of-fact your response to their 'baby' behaviors, the more quickly they are likely to abandon them.

Fight the urge to loosen up on limits and over-indulge your older child. It is very common for parents to feel guilty about all the changes the baby has brought to the older sibling's life. Sometimes they try to make up for it with extra treats and gifts. Often, parents let up on previously established limits and give in to the older child's demands. Moms and dads worry that their child is already stressed enough and can't handle not getting her way. Parents may also be exhausted and feel they can't survive yet another tantrum. Unfortunately, indulging the older child can lead to some unintended, negative consequences. First, it signals that you don't think your child can learn to cope with this change-that she needs special exceptions. It also sends the message to the older child gets that she is "special" or entitled, which can lead to even more demanding behavior.

While bringing home a new baby can be chaotic and crazy for a little while, it's important to remember that adding a sibling to the family is one of the greatest gifts you can give your older child. Having a sibling is a connection that lasts a lifetime. Even through all the crying, tattling and bickering, having a sibling teaches children how to share and cooperate. It also builds empathy-the awareness of and appreciation that others have feelings and needs. So buckle up, it's going to be a wild, wonderful and very worthwhile ride!

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"When Is He Going Back in Your Belly?" How to Help Older Siblings Adjust to the New Baby - ZERO TO THREE

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Having a baby is life-changing for everyone involved. Like many major life events, it is joyful and exciting, but also stressful. Bringing home a new baby shifts family needs, relationships and responsibilities. Aside from the expected challenges parents face in figuring out how to manage multiple children while trying to maintain their own relationship, the reaction of the first-born is [...]

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