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i don't think its about choosing love over hate. its about the effort and forgiveness required to love, and how some people have been depleted of that due to trauma. it is brave to love someone when they continue to hurt you, even a family member.

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I agree, preservation of your emotional energy and doing what is healthy for you is the most important—if you have to set up boundaries and cut someone out of your life do that

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Responding to the question about accountability and forgiveness, l think Moore touches on this a lot throughout the book by emphasizing the humanity of every person whether "good" or "bad." when he talks about his father's death in the beginning of the book and is able to explain the context of his situation. I feel that throughout the book Darnell exemplifies a "just" judgement of character meaning he acts with empathy

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I find that when you are harmed and manipulated repeatedly, there is only so many times where it would be appropriate to respond out of love. Being in a toxic relationship or friendship especially is when it can get the most difficult because of the amount of time you potentially are spending with this person. Where as if you are in public and someone is being negative to you and/ or your community, it could be "easier" to respond out of love instead of anger. Due to the fact that you can walk away or just ignore it entirely.

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This reminds me of the moment when Moore reminds us that "so often love is reserved for those whose presence does not disrupt our comforts" (221). To your point here, we have to remember that love doesn't flow equitably, both interpersonally and institutionally, in our society.

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Accountability has its roots within relations. Like we discussed last class, Moore was held accountable by those around him, specifically within his black female relationships. Calling attention to the harm is applicable in interpersonal relationships where micro-aggressions are prominent. Addressing the harm done to others and to the community is paramount in instances of injustice. However, I don't necessarily think that forgiveness and accountability are equally applicable in all situations. Forgiveness isn't necessary in the process of accountability and I think that's a large part of Moore's argument. We approach with love but that doesn't excuse the actions or make the impact any less palpable.

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I feel like love would in most cases be synonymous with forgiveness, however, it is for each person to decide whether they are able to forgive or not.

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love and acceptance are not required or easy reactions. everyone has traumas and some power to invoke them. To apologize and expect love is not fair to the hurt party. it takes effort to love someone despite their flaws. by all means, if you can react with love then do so. but it takes healing for those connections to be repaired if they ever are.

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I feel like while we definitely should be thinking about how to forgive while accounting for ourselves and our emotions, it is important to remember that forgiveness shouldn’t be a must. Yes, we do want to move forward and resist oppressive systems productively, but it should never be a requirement for people who have traumatizing experiences due to these systems to forgive.

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I think we see the progression of Darnell's self love throughout the book—by recognizing the harm that he has caused while also giving himself compassion by naming the different forces that have shaped him (understanding himself as a victim and a perpetrator), he is able to properly take accountability by looking inwards and transforming himself

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I think that responding with acts of love plays to the interpersonal aspect of holding someone accountable. But, I also think that accountability and forgiveness don't go hand in hand - someone can hold someone else accountable with forgiving them

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Love is always the best course of action. In fact, regardless of all of Moore's built up hate toward queer men as well as anything perceived to be feminine, many queer men as well as his mom and girlfriends always loved him. They made him realize he had to show the same love back to them as well as himself.

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This approach to injustice and the prioritization of love centers the self and one's own mental well-being and the "Freedom" that can be obtained in finding love for yourself and choosing to find ways to relate and love others that may not be as well-meaning. Accountability and forgiveness cover a lot of the same steps to get to the end goal; self-reflection, reassessment of values, analysis of standards, finding ways to enact fundamental change, etc., that, when accomplished can achieve that similar feeling of freedom, but don't necessarily equate to the same thing, especially when true harm is involved

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if someone has harmed you so much, it can be difficult to find love or extend a hand out to them or people like them--> reminds me of the Arthur Brooks ASM in a way, because those who have endured trauma should not be expected to show compassion or forgiveness.

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At the very end, Moore writes about "freedom" that comes from "refus[ing] to set fire to another's potential to love..." (234). I think the wisdom he's gained from his struggles for social justice -- for himself and for Camden and for Black queer people -- is that change is relational, and so the most radical work happens in those relationships.

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How does Darnell grapple with this concept during his speech? Anywhere else in the past readings?

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How does Darnell grapple with this concept during his speech? Anywhere else in the past readings?

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To what extent would love not be the correct course of action (if ever)? 

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To what extent would love not be the correct course of action (if ever)? 

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How does this approach to injustice connect to accountability and forgiveness?

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How does this approach to injustice connect to accountability and forgiveness?