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One large memory from my performance is all of the bonding I was able to with my casts both onstage and off. Both pieces I was apart, Jesse and Leah's, pushed for us to truly watch each other and learn from observing. Due to us being asked to watch each other, I was able to witness my friends embody the tasks at hand within the dance. I believe that people dancing are embracing a level of their true self. Specifically in the pieces I was in, every section was personal to every individual so observing them was a vulnerable moment of connection. I appreciated these moments of connection because I was brought back into the present while on stage.

Another memory was me hurting my foot. Now, this was a sad moment for me because I was excited to finish out the show and perform with my best friends. I truly believed I wasn't going to be able to dance the last two days but thankfully I was able to get through on modifications. The largest memory from this time is all of the support I was given from Leah's cast and Leah. That were all there for me and wanted the best for me even if that had meant I would have to not dance. I think the support I felt on stage during the dances pushed me through and was special for me to experience.

Overall, my favorite memories were connecting to the humanity within myself and others through dance and performances.

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Both mentally and physically. This was utilized during Jesse's residency in particularly. Throughout the residency, we pushed ourselves through the long hours and I believe that keeping myself mentally present was half of the battle during those days. I hope to bring what I learned within those weeks into the tech rehearsals and show days so that I can be as present and attentive during those days as possible.

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I am hyperaware of scheduling and being prepared. I am becoming more open to things changing, especially after COVID but it still is struggle when plans change. Despite this, I have found ways to feel less stressed when this happens and learning ways to let reevaluations of organization happen. Thus, not becoming hyper-focused on a certain idea or scenario because if I have learned anything through COVID its that who knows what could happen in the future is not set in stone.

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I want to be there for everyone I meet. I want to be able to support them and be a shoulder to cry on when I need to be that person. I want to be the best friend I can be to everyone. You never know what may happen in a given day therefore, why not listen to others and give them any support you can. Or at least those are my thoughts on life right now.

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I am smart. Mostly school smart but that is still very valid in this scenario. I am good at remembering things and learning new information. This helps me in dance because it comes easier for me to learn dances and help others in my dances remember changes or new information. I hope to take this belief into tech but also as I expand into future endeavors.

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I believe I support everyone in my community. I am always available to talk to, to aid in any situation, to give a hug or even bake cookies (thats my favorite form of showing my love). A goal of mine at the beginning of the semester was to be more open to meeting new people. I think I have done this throughout this half of the semester. I want to be able to continue this goal of mine and push forward into next semester with nurturing these relationships and developing new ones.

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An Exploration into the Horizon:

derived from greek word meaning separating circle

edge of the interaction between human-centered awareness and the infinite realm of nonhuman phenomena

perceived reality as we cant understand the reality -> lead to connection of setting up goals

constraint and sign....leading to the emergence of representations and imaginations, memory and emotions

an horizon or sign is the knowledge of time as an infinite sequence

levels of abstraction and reality, they can be either material or immaterial

SEGMENTATION OF SPACE

difference between self and the environment

"Everyone has his own subjective horizon, and the question becomes how to overcome the individual points of view of historically affected consciousness"

the horizon line moves with you

our views of things are inherently incomplete

everything we set beliefs on can have limits of awareness

matter of expecting different from what lay beyond the horizon

we too are part of the miraculous infinite

"we might as well play it beautifully, see what we can learn, try to make things better and easier for one another and enjoy the ride as much as we can"

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These are some excerpts from writing I have done in my journal after rehearsal basically everyday:

how do I grow into the comfortability of knowing I am only a blip in the grand scheme of the world

I can stand on the horizon and breathe. How do I breathe again?

Me, the horizon, no change, no complaints

you're standing on the edge of great

Are we all complete people? Does something make us complete? By nature is my horizon complete or incomplete? Are we always searching for the next horizon?

Life is too precious to not be living in joy and peace.

BLUE

I want my love to radiate to everyone I utter a word to. I love me and my heart forever and always.

The infinite realm of possibilities ahead of time yet to be semiotized.

Thinking about the intensity and infinity of power the horizon has on myself and others. How do I channel this power into the dance?

There is no such thing as perfection.

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What the horizon/offing means to me (LEAH)

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What the horizon/offing means to me (LEAH)

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Contour Line Drawing: perception, senses

over-curve, full body diagonal, double diagonal, movement on horizontal plane, under-curve, chug, fall, jump, under-curve, redirect, under-curve, turn, chug, travel travel, to the floor

I imagined a world full of peace, lots of clouds, forest (trees), flowers, lots of pastels

I've been thinking a lot about softness and how to sink and melt into everything (in dance and life)

cloud world, soft world, comfy world, full worlds, pleasurable world

lots of pillows, window seats

quality of risk

What if you're more than?

leaving areas extended

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Ideas on how to work social media in connection to horizon

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Ideas on how to work social media in connection to horizon

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Interested in having cast introduction with a lot of the archived and recording we will be doing instead of just selfies

how will we make social media be as interactive as the website with the parameters of Instagram?

Show a glimpse of what is happening in the piece.

This is an opportunity to learn more admin things and create posts I am proud of and that others will enjoy.

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I bring in a positive attitude everyday. I push myself to accomplish anything and everything I am given. I am not bringing a shitty attitude because that feels like disrespect to all professors and peers. I bring generosity towards others mostly but sometimes to myself. I will continue to be helpful towards others because you never what they are experiencing in their lives. I will learn new things everyday and appreciate them all. I will give these new tokens of knowledge to others. I will cherish my time spent with everyone. I am growing and sometimes I fall and that is okay because I will get back up.

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I believe I am affected by the energies in the room. If the energies in the room aren't always the best, it makes the day to day a little harder to get through. Therefore, I am pushing myself to be the good energy in the room (on days where it feels right). This will maybe have an effect on others as others energies have an effect on me.

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Life is hard sometimes. School is rough. Anxiety hits hard. OCD takes me out. So many of these things have happened this year. I found one of the hardest places I was this year was residency. As much as I loved Jesse, it is hard being a full time student while in residency. I wish it was easier. I caught myself zoning out in other classes because I pushed my attention span so much the night before. I found my anxiety heighten without the normal sleep I try to have. I found my anxiety push my compulsions farther than they have since I began working on them in therapy. All of these made the residency a really hard point in my semester at least in the beginning. As we moved further into the beginning of the second week, I found a rhythm of how to get everything done in a timely manner, get sleep, and not have a panic attack everyday. Although it was still a hard time, I wouldn't change it. Jesse's residency taught me so much and I appreciate what residency taught me. I also appreciate that residency taught me that I am not invincible and that I need to give myself self-care moments or else my anxiety might hit a high point again.

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I want to remember how much dancing means to me. As I move into next semester where I will be taking more psychology classes than dance, I want to remember dance is always there to calm me, to teach me, and to give me a space to breathe.

I am curious how my organization skills will aid me in the next few weeks of tech and shows because I will be busy till late at night so, I hope I have a clear way to get everything done in a timely manner.

Something that may help me in this area is filling out my agenda everyday so that I can physically see how my day can be laid out to work the best.

I am interested in how drawing before the show might calm me or make me find new things within my dance especially Jesse's piece.

I think I will set a time before Program A begins where I will draw out a section of the dance or my fantastical narrative.

I want to continue to push myself into bonding with people beyond the third years. I have gotten a lot closer with everyone in my grade but I still don't know to much about the second years and some of the fourth years. I think tech and show days will be the perfect time to meet more people.

I would like to make a goal that I will say hi to at least one new person a day during show days because that is when I will see more people.

I am interested in how I can continue to make the dances feel new and continuously evolving throughout every show. I want to continue to evolve myself and I think it is important to add that idea into the dances I perform in for Fall For Dance.

I wonder what kind of effect the full media, lights, sound, etc. will have on me. I'm specifically interested in this since I haven't performed in this way for about 2 years now because of COVID. I think it will be really exciting but also nerve-racking to be back on stage performing live.

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Nathan made me feel better about feeling like I had so many options to decide from out of college. I am interested in so many things whether that is dance, administrative work, psychology, or baking and there is plenty more interests. I tend to compartmentalize and believe that I have to just pick one in the end. Nathan's talk helped me understand that all of these interests can all come in handy in my future. We talked a little about how I could help specifically dancers in my therapy practice and I have been thinking about it ever since. I am beyond excited for my future as a therapist and now even more excited recognizing that I don't have to just give up dance for that career.

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I have learned through this semester how much I love human beings. Know hear me out, we all have our issues and there are people I strongly dislike or even hate out in this world. However, consistently the people in the UT dance department have made me have so much hope in the human race. The past year I lost a lot of hope and although I still tried to be optimistic it was really hard. Therefore, being in the presence of so many people that are actively fighting and wanting a better world for everyone through art has created a new fire beneath me that is pushing me forward. Additionally, I have relearned how much I love dancing. At the beginning of the year a goal of mine was to find myself again in my movement. I felt deeply separated at the beginning of the year because I didn't know where I stood in dance anymore. Over the course of this semester, I think I have found myself again. I think it revolves around the role of performer or administration. Both of these roles have filled me with joy. As I talk about a lot, I love organizing and decorating. This is perfect when trying to be the best social media poster I can possibly be. As for performer, it just feels so good to move. I truly have learned so much about myself in my movement this year and I think this is why I love dance. People can learn so much through it whether it be kinetically, personally, politically, and so many more. I just want to soak up as much knowledge as I can and dance gives me a key way in.

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Utilize their meeting times to go over any cover letters I create for internship applications. I have no clue what I am dong while writing them so, meeting with someone to discuss the cover letters would be extremely helpful.

Attend one of their events, specifically one about resume building. I have a resume but I want it to be as strong as possible.

Hopefully I will get an internship over the summer. So, I would like to apply for their internship scholarship so that I can still be paid a reasonable amount over the summer while in an internship.

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Three assets I used during the final rehearsals, techs, and performances were: focus, stamina, and flexibility.

I maintained focus throughout the final rehearsal to ensure that we would all be as best prepared as possible. I believe that pushing for focus within myself also influences others within the rehearsals to be focused.

Additionally, my stamina was important to maintain throughout November rehearsals since I was in both shows. This pushed me to strengthen my mental and physical stamina as I wanted to maintain on top of everything throughout the late nights of show and rehearsals. I believe my stamina was strong because I was able to push through all that rehearsals threw at me.

I tried to be flexible with changes and late nights. Accepting that my schedule was going to be different was hard at first but it came with lots of fun, growth, and learning!

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The main thing I am bringing into the future from my experience as a dancer in Fall for Dance is finding curiosity in everything. Both Leah and Jesse were interested in us finding what made us specifically curious in the process and following that. I tend to fall into the habit of going through the motions of the dance, especially when performing. Both dances I was a part of, set up the work in a way that made this hard to be done. Specifically with the instructions surrounding the environment being developed both choreographers organized, I was so curious with how the dance would develop each time performed it was hard to step out.

I would like to bring in the curiosity I felt in these processes into next semester. This will be important since I am taking 21 hours next semester and it might be easy to zone out and focus on the stressors I have in my life instead of staying present. Something that interests me is the act of presence and how we can have a routine to bring us into presence. Jesse brought this up in his process and I think I will continue to use my small routine of presence to bring me back when I feel like I have zoned out or left the current moment. I hope that through presence I am able to bring my curiosity into class and feel fully intrigued in the task at hand.

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Leah and I discussing how I fell down the Winship stairs. 

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I have the agency to take care of my body. I have not hurt myself in a semi-serious fashion ever. I am grateful that it happened when it did and with the people it happened with. I wish I hadn't hurt my foot obviously but I am thankful that I am surrounded by people that cared about my well being and pushed me to do what was best for me. This gave me the power of my body and my dancing and how far I should/could push myself. I would like to continue to push myself into taking agency over myself and the care I bring towards my body.

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Three assets I used to fulfill my role as a Social Media creative team member was organization, an eye for design, and my ability to use Canva. I believe all three of these assets go hand in hand. First of all, Haley and I created a system of what/who would be posting on the Instagram that week. This system allowed for me to focus on my design capability and the use of Canva to create my posts instead of rushing through it last minute. The use of my skills brought clarity in my posts and was attractive to the eye (in my opinion). This made the process enjoyable for all.

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One aspect of my creative role that I enjoyed was being able to see the piece I was also performing in from an outside perspective. I find that when we are dancing in a piece it is hard to see it from an audience perspective. However, by working on the Social Media posts I saw the dance in a different light. It was like I took a step back and was able to examine the piece as a whole and find parts to interest a social media audience. This brought new information to me when I would run the piece because I was no longer just thinking about the inner dialogue between me and the rest of my cast but more of the connection between myself and the audience. Both being in the piece and being a creative team member helped me learn new perspectives and maintain my interest in both roles.

Another aspect of my creative role that I enjoyed was being able to use Canva. I know, how many more times can I mention Canva? Let me tell you many times because I LOVE IT. I enjoy having a large variety of templates and layouts to choose from to ensure I'm creating a post that I feel proud of. I tend to use their templates as a point of connection into the "business" world because it holds information that I sometimes didn't know needed to be in posts. I am interested in learning aspects of the administrative sides of dance and performance and I think getting a hang of Canva is a step in the right direction.

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Something I will take from this experience is the confidence I have gained around the administrative aspects of posting on social media and PR. I have always throughly enjoyed making Instagram posts for JoJo's Cookies but I never felt 100% confident with my abilities. This creative team role taught me about some of the expectations and "rules" around social media posting so that everyone is properly credited. Finding more confidence in not only the logistical side of posting but the creative side has aided some of my psychology classes where we make infographics for different mental illnesses but has also helped my JoJo's Cookies Instagram. Being able to post in a new capacity (for a specific piece), I was able to hone in my skills and learn more basics behind "professional" Instagram PR posting.

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One way in which I brought my full personhood into final rehearsals and the performances is my positivity. Final rehearsals and performances can be stressful, especially in college with all of the other time commitments. I try to implement positivity into my time during the final weeks in PDPR and be kind towards other and help them find enjoyment in the late nights. Something that brings me joy in late night show days is bonding with my friends and forming happy memories in this bonding makes life that much more enjoyable.

Obviously we can't be positive all the time and life can really hit you hard, but trying to find at least one positive or enjoyable factor of the day everyday has helped me so much. Additionally, I tend to get more anxious when my life schedule changes (we love OCD) so finding moments that made my day a little better has helped me feel more calm in the change. Positivity makes it all a little easier for me and just that much more enjoyable.

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One moment I grew as an artist citizen was after I hurt my foot. I couldn't do everything in the warm up but I tried to stay present both physically and spiritually in the group. I enjoy being a source of support for my friends but when hurt and unable to directly move with everyone it can be hard to stay present. However, I actively tried to maintain a level of attention with everyone to ensure that I was continuing to connect with the full company along with my individual self. This included moving my body in different ways with everyone such as: when they were doing jumps I would condition and hold a plank or do crunches. I found myself gaining a new perspective on observing my friends warm up. I was able to connect with everyone despite not physically moving with everyone. This is an important step in my journey this semester in PDPR because I was able to continue to encourage myself to interact with my community despite me not feeling 100% mentally, as I was sad to not be dancing with everyone.

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Something that struck me from Jesse's process was the idea of creating an "other" space and how we bring these imaginary worlds into our everyday life. I find that this has been sticking with me in every aspect of my life. It is connected to me finding joy in a variety of moments in my life.

Let me be real, life is so hard and brings up so many not pleasing feelings. This can suck me into many not great dark holes so I have been trying to use this idea from Jesse's piece as a form of acceptance but also as a way to explore the joyful moments in my everyday. Specifically when life all gets a little bit too much, it has helped me stop focusing as much internally and brings me back to the external. Focusing towards the external elements of life, has furthered my ability to be present, supportive, joyful, and compassionate with others.

Overall, I have been using the idea of forming "other" spaces to bring me into the present moment with my community.

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One new dimension of artist citizenship that I would like to develop into next semester is the new connections I have made with my community. Additionally, I would like to continue to build a stronger community with the first-years. As my first year back since Covid, I was excited to be back with everyone but nervous about dynamics. I believe that the dynamics, especially my classes, has gotten better. I feel like we are all a lot closer and I'm excited to continue to develop more friendships. I just love human beings and giving them all the love and support they could ever need.

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A post I made with all of my new knowledge 

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One unrealized skill was how enjoyable making Instagram posts are for me. As the title of this section says, I LOVE CANVA!!! Looking at all of the templates makes me excited to make posters, social media posts, flyers, etc. When do I need to make these? Rarely ever BUT it is so enjoyable. Therefore, I should follow this curiosity and find opportunities to use these templates to create things. I believe this is why I enjoy my administrative job so much; I am able to create a wide variety of things that hold all of the information that needs to be provided. I think it connects to my organized sense of self since I can make information concise and highlighted in one place. Overall, I am so happy to recognize something that brings me interest and joy and excited to bring my love for Canva into other aspects of my schooling.

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Thanks for the support, we just reached.PNG