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Chuah Shang Jie Shaun 223144R
Syafiqah Binte Sulaiman 222290N
Lim Yishan Breanna 222285J
Siti Nurul Aisyah Binte Sariman 220278B

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ejAVlIV-mNtqz3lV3kqHA2Do77QEOQCqK9jCQLUw0Tg/edit?usp=sharing

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Hi Group 9,
Please find the script corrected by the client here

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"Our team has discussed and to salvage the storyline, Grasshopper meets ants, he feels different since he lives above ground, but he assists the ants sometimes, but never stayed around – preferring to observe/assist them from far. The sparrow attacks the grasshopper and his wings were clipped forever. The ants came around and adopted the grasshopper as emeritus anthopper – they live happily ever after. Keep it short and sweet."

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Children Storyteller
Prefer from CPF

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In a sunny meadow, an old grasshopper named Gary served as the ant colony's seed scout. He feared judgement of being different by the ants. However, on a fateful day, a sparrow attacked him.

This heartwarming tale explores the power of friendship and learns to cherish one's differences where Gary must overcome his fears and embrace his uniqueness.

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/13uytc_xG9DLZS-TOfF_YKQU3zlXR0wuHUgNdBq9YmqE/edit?usp=sharing

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In a sunny meadow, there lived an old grasshopper, who serves as a scout and a cherished friend of the diligent ant colony. However, on a fateful day, a sparrow bird attacks Gary. Embark on this tale as the ants build their courage to rescue their brave grasshopper companion from the clutches of danger.

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/13uytc_xG9DLZS-TOfF_YKQU3zlXR0wuHUgNdBq9YmqE/edit

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In Sunnyville, there lived Andrew and Gary whose friendship had tore apart in the past. On an unfortunate day, a terrifying sparrow bird attacks this village. Embark with them on their adventure of life as they reunite and embrace change together.

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https://www.canva.com/design/DAFn2D1EUwU/Ervr-uiwENrsI4_IVd_yIQ/edit?utm_content=DAFn2D1EUwU&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link2&utm_source=sharebutton

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HuJnvYj8jNQZ42k2Eda2x1cvQac2QkBUTmgbxusQ_5o/edit?usp=sharing

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Bryan Lin Jun Ying (222258G)
Iffah llyana Binte Yusri (220477E)
Maxine Tolentino Hugo (220758S)
Tan Wanyi Joey (222630J)
Ong Yi Siang (224459H)

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Isabel 222132R
Teryn 220197N
Yee Hwee 220053W
Rahman 220701D

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- Md Amsyar 220148K
- Amelia Jane Kuan 221968N
- Khor Wei Keey 220636P
-  Chong Wei Shuen, Anson 222411T

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Devein Lim (223964J)
Sabelle Lee (211017G)
Eileen Su (224335D)
Lim Yong Qi (221588Z)

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(Leader) Nur Shafiqah Anggriany Binte Abdul Aziz | 224083Y
Nurul Izzyani Binte Zazali | 223855C
Abd El-Hadi Essam Yahia Aly | 223782K
Zhang Qing Yue | 221573Q

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Over all, there's too many unnecessary scenes like the flashback and him buying a cake before baking. Our suggestion:

1. Johnny wakes up, there's a calendar highlighting that It's Margaret's birthday day today.  Foreground calendar, background Johnny and pull focus from calendar to johnny.

2. FS of Johnny exits his house, walks to the right/left, camera tracks along, passing some houses/shops, camera stops at "Baking supplies" shop, Johnny enters, a second or 2 later, exits the shop with shopping bags. Camera tracks back with him back to his house. -- all in one long take to show the loneliness.

3. Johnny alone in the kitchen, He opens a drawer

4. CU of recipe book with the title: "Margaret's recipes", hands flipping the book till it stops at cake recipe.

5. Shots of him baking and making a mess.

6. Someone enters his kitchen, one by one, his family flows in and helps him with the task of baking.

7. Johnny gradually appears happier as he's interacting with his family -- kids, grandkids, etc.

8. They complete the baking looking proud of themselves, congratulation each other

9. The grandkid tries the cake happily.

10. Everyone starts eating, oooos and ahhs around, satisfied with their creation.

11. Scene fades to black

12. Scene fades up to a top shot of Johnny getting into his bed. He reaches over to the opposite side of the bed stand and adjust a photo frame

13. OTS of Johnny on the picture: We see Johnny, Margaret and all their kids and grandkids in the picture -- a happy family portrait. Johnny turns back, camera focus on his face as he's about to sleep. He smiles and turns off the lights. BLACK.

14. CTA: "Reach out"

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Comments from CPF: Story arch is missing for the protagonist to seek support which builds resilience. CTA is missing, please write one.

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https://www.canva.com/design/DAFrGhAp8ws/N9M3QyAfYndexLE1nSxJxw/edit?utm_content=DAFrGhAp8ws&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link2&utm_source=sharebutton

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https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1BJ6kH23-WIhQDSrayYokKRbDMjWsIrFgG6gvsn2wSdA/edit?usp=sharing

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Megan Elizabeth Lim (211242S)
Nur Iesha Nadhirah Binte Hardy Baharin (224115X)
Chee Kai Xin (220606J)
Angel Ong Ying Kee (221342J)

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Isn’t clear how the story development meets the brief of “Mental resilience in retirement”

Also, CPF LIFE — a national annuity insurance will ensure that Gary will have a lifelong retirement income every month. This is wrong.

The final message does not talk about mental resilience, hence, does not meet the brief.

Please redo, we cannot commission this.

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Note: There are additional issues that I need to discuss with the client on a call for your script. Will keep you updated.

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Nor Shafiqah binte Jumaat (Leader)
Nur Siti Syafiqah Binte Aziz
Nur Syaqina Binte Zailan
Raiqah Haziqah Binte Mohamad Haslam

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https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/12zLcLEq0F8Z_PqtQunmfUXTWnSKKKlTCxsgM4e4Dkn8/edit?usp=sharing

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Aurora
Fitrah
Rabiatul
Qi Xuan
Jonathan

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Muhammad Shahrul Haziq 220244C
Erry Ashraf bin Hisham 213284E
Chan Rui Yi Audrey 210950F
Valerie Tan 211165C

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Leila 221538H
Romel 210291C
Yuxuan 221865B
Shannon 221807N

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Malay Male

Auditions to be announced

Prefer from CPF

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Sarah Zain Chua 220308Q
Elinor Mao Yulin
Pang Shih Ching 220252S
Lin Zi Ying Genelle 223145E

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https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/149kAwJ0TSvC5zTMZs6J_sC-iUo3aI3_2FpqUvge3v0o/edit

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CPF Student Lens 2023 Group 1 Split Script V4

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CW8qWaUYR6nXbbC7BvVqJ2n1VquhqSkOeN7NtMGaI7k/edit

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https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1Umq23cLOA37qdyL3AZM8q283KU6z2OgT_B3QkUnKAK4/edit?usp=sharing

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Does not meet the brief

Messaging for the video requires reworking

Feels more like a bio of a person.

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The script explores having a purpose in retirement, but being nervous does not bring out the mental health aspect of it in the beginning.

Interesting concept, what could bring out the mental health messaging stronger is that Molly seeks support from Butter. Instead of Butter giving her advice, they go on walks together etc instead of Butter telling her what do.

The message of this video is that having a good support system (aka friends etc) around you is vital for your mental health in retirement.

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The script explores having a purpose in retirement but it doesn’t link to the mental resilience aspect, this needs to be clearer.

Could the group think of a call to action (end text at the end of the video) to tie in the overall mental health aspect of the messaging?

A few clarifications: Is the grandfather depressed, and by teaching the grandkid, his depression goes away?

How does this video convey mental resilience in retirement as part of world mental health day?

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Can paint a bleaker picture of their retirement — alone — right off the get go. Make the audience get the idea that retirement when you have no purpose can be a lonely pursuit. e.g.
- Retired Chef: “My decisions these days just revolve around deciding what to eat.” Visual: EWS of Chef standing along a lonely aisle in the supermarket, holding a basket.

In general, cull the scenes which do not add to the story: #4: the 3 retirees saying hi to each other and shots of the orphanage, since the flyer is already giving hints of their next action.

After they see the flyers/posters asking for volunteers at the orphanage, just cut to CU shots of them having a realisation. The next scene could just be shots of them using their skills to contribute to the orphanage.

(Suggestion/Example) End off with a scene of all three of them gathering with the orphans for a group photo against the orphanage exterior. VO (unison): “Giving back gives me a sense of purpose.” Shutter clicks, freeze frame match cut to a photo that someone is holding. END.

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Does not meet the brief

Story is too long

The messaging of this video is not clear

We like  the concept of having a flashback – but story telling needs more work (can cut quite a lot of scenes)

What is the aim of the story?

Feels like a bio of a person. – Story telling should feature purpose in retirement instead.

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In Sunnyville, there lived two creatures: Andrew, a workaholic capitalist ant, who did not have time for family or friends and there was Gary, a generous outgoing grasshopper, who treasured his friends. Embark with them on their little adventure of life, where they will learn, that together, there is more to life than what they originally believed it to be.

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https://miro.com/app/board/uXjVMO30uCw=/?share_link_id=168718625374

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https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1OBeadmx8fjOQ_6oGh2wLqTXM3ldKk2PucYO-lLdiNaA/edit?usp=drivesdk

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Does not meet the brief

Message requires reworking – it shows retirement as boring from the start, and how the character picks up hobbies to pass time – doesn’t show “purposeful”

Suggestion might be to add in some family or human touch?

Please redo

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Xwg_F-dO6zK8HJqRxE5OeqlT5-_Yk6TlhnCEekUsmNM/edit#heading=h.a7tcd3u0ylw5

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https://miro.com/welcomeonboard/WDNiYWNoREs5TTdkS215WWI3NllyZTFwVlNYa2hicVkxaVluN25INzM4anoyQ3RtWHJNRW5XcGhLdURXYUhQVnwzNDU4NzY0NTIzNDk1NzM5NTczfDI=?share_link_id=392902362359

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Sign up | Miro | Online Whiteboard for Visual Collaboration

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Scalable, secure, cross-device and enterprise-ready team collaboration whiteboard for distributed teams. Join 35M+ users from around the world

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GROUP 8_SPJ - CPFB Split Script FINALIZED (14 JULY 2023)

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https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1ePl5xLnuXXY-exs9AV_G0vHf6RaqpfEitum8xn_Iubs/edit?usp=sharing

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https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1jkWlBszMM4MqDi2mlrr0e2op8RhTlvyUIisUxlC1s4o/edit?usp=sharing

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https://miro.com/app/board/uXjVMOwYPw8=/?share_link_id=720154823532

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https://www.canva.com/design/DAFoVi2n4HU/3b7KkAh_S-A3yq9HdW23YQ/edit?utm_content=DAFoVi2n4HU&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link2&utm_source=sharebutton

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The story has potential, but it doesn’t meet the brief on mental resilience in retirement.

The idea that each animal has their shortcomings is something that can be explored to show the weakness of say:
- Squirrel, being frugal and workaholic, but neglects the social support part. So, the focus could be on him/her as the protagonist.
- The rest of the animals, they could personify a strong social circle.
- The squirrel neglects to fortify his/her relationship with others and even though the rest does not have as much as the squirrel, in the end, they are always happy in their treehouse.

The storm could signify isolation in that the squirrel is alone and the other animals huddled together.

(Suggestion) Basically, reversing the roles might be a better idea if we are to show the mental resilience of a group of animals compared to being alone with an abundance of resources.

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Don’t chase happiness. Become antifragile | Tal Ben-Shahar | Big Think

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70 People Ages 5-75 Answer: What's Your Biggest Regret? | Glamour

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https://miro.com/app/board/uXjVMQMuFFk=/

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Sign up | Miro | Online Whiteboard for Visual Collaboration

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- Female VO needed (Reference @ 0:16)
- Access to music library would be good as well!

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Every purpose needs a plan. Start planning today.

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Does not meet the brief.

Concept is not clear and not fixed.

There are multiple versions of scripts with storylines that do not relate to the concept shown in the slides.

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VO Needed: Senior Male and Two Senior Females

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VO Needed: Senior Male and Two Senior Females

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A toymaker, a seamstress, and a chef. Through years of work and hardship they’ve gained skills and knowledge. But after a retirement, they sensed a loss of purpose, until one day a certain flyer and their past compels them to  give back to the community...

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In a world where animals construct their own tree houses, three pals - Squileen, Debird, and Snyong - built their houses based on their characteristics. An unexpected catastrophe catches them off guard and leaving their homes unprepared.

They combine their efforts, pooling their resources and skills, and dedicate themselves to nurturing their new homes. With careful time and effort, they rebuild, taking solace in their newfound comfort and fulfillment.

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An old man is shown cleaning various musical instruments that belong to his grandson. His grandson is curious why he is doing this for him. When the old man was in a band, he was given instruments of bad quality. Now his goal is to give his grandson what he did not have growing up.

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https://miro.com/app/board/uXjVMO3qLMs=/?share_link_id=236191894112

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TxoiOel8DIF8nvCl_jnShNJ7O_2V9kuv-2McjJqajXI/edit?usp=sharing

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1. chef went out/coming back from getting groceries and saw a group giving out flyers

chef going back home, when opening the door, cut to someone placing flyer on the doorstep

seamstress bend down to get it

as seamstress is standing up, cut to a toymaker looking at flyer

Door closes

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HtPNK6UDlZIQ3JATXTrOKyNIH_SvFpAwbzMsS-nUfOc/edit

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 CPF Student Lens 2023 Group 1 Split Script V3

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2. When home and started cleaning, started having flashback into their jobs and was reminded of the flyer they saw.

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An retired man (65 years old) bored and solemn in his retirement, has been through many ups and downs, but sparks his ‘never giving up’ attitude, and eventually finds new purpose and enjoyment, from years gone by.

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Sign up | Miro | Online Whiteboard for Visual Collaboration

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Scalable, secure, cross-device and enterprise-ready team collaboration whiteboard for distributed teams. Join 35M+ users from around the world

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Retired MC reminisced about the past through a game of chess. Life back then felt like it was impossible to win. Thankfully, he had support from his friends and they helped him understand that the battle is not won alone. He's thankful for his friends and they made him who he is today, highlighting how social connections builds mental resilience. Till this day, he and his friends keep in touch.

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3. Cut to the character in action (chef cooking, seamstress puling out a box of sewing materials and toy maker taking out his toolbox)

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4. They arrive at the orphanage with their own stuff
5. They start to interact as they make their way into the orphanage