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Support a child through loss due to COVID19

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Support a child through loss due to COVID19

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If a loved one has died during the coronavirus pandemic

If your child, as well as you and the rest of your family, weren't able to be with your loved one in-person when they died, this may feel incredibly painful and difficult to accept.

While everyone will react to and deal with this differently, it may leave your child feeling that the person's death doesn't feel real, that something is unfinished or unresolved - or even guilty that they weren't there, and worried about whether the person was okay.

What can help

If you're supporting your child in these incredibly difficult circumstances, it's helpful to:

acknowledge with them just how painful this is, and how unfair it might feel that they didn't get to say goodbye in-person

think with them about other ways they could say goodbye. This might be lighting a candle, letting off balloons, saying a prayer or poem, writing a letter, planting a flower or tree, or visiting the grave or another special place

make sure they understand that not being there was not their choice - that it was outside of everyone's control, and that it was impossible for them to be with the person

let them know that it's okay to feel however they feel, whether that's sad, overwhelmed, angry, worried or something else - and that there's no right or wrong way to grieve

offer opportunities for them to talk to you about how they're feeling when they're ready, focusing on listening and empathising with what it's like for them

reassure them that you love them, you're there for them, they're not alone, and they can talk to you whenever they need to

The lockdown restrictions also mean that funerals are not happening as they normally would. This can include only immediate family or friends being able to attend, people in vulnerable groups being unable to attend, and those at the funeral being expected to follow social distancing guidelines.

Cruse Bereavement Care suggest families in this situation can:

talk to the funeral directors about whether the service can be live-streamed so that everyone can be part of it, and so those at the funeral feel the support of others

hold a wake or gathering online after the funeral or on another day

find ways of doing rituals at home - such as holding a smaller service, listening to a piece of music, saying prayers, singing, reading poems and sharing memories of the person who has died

Supporting a young person who is grieving

However a young person has lost someone, grieving without normal daily routines and face-to-face support networks can be really difficult. If you're supporting your child in this situation, here are some things that may help:

1. Remind them that family and friends are still there, and they can talk to them whenever they want to via video calls or online.

2. Offer opportunities for them to talk to you about how they're feeling, while also giving them space to grieve in the ways that work for them. Especially with teenagers, this might include thinking about where in the house they can get some time to themselves during lockdown - for example by using a rota to share rooms

3. Think with them about things that might help them communicate or express how they're feeling. This could be:

writing a letter to the person they have lost telling them all the things they want to say to them

writing a letter to you or someone else who is supporting them, so you or they know what they are going through

keeping a diary or journal of how they feel

making paintings or pictures

writing songs or poems

creating a memory box full of pictures and items - such as films, clothes and perfume - that remind them of good times they had with the person they have lost.

4. Think with them about the activities that help them to cope with difficult situations in normal life, and which of these they can still do during lockdown. This could be running, drawing, listening to music, talking to friends, watching a favourite film, cooking or baking, or reading a book.

5. Encourage them to keep doing these activities if they want to. Reassure them that it's okay to have a good time and enjoy something - and that this does not take away from how much they care about the person who's died.

More information and advice on grief and loss

For more information and advice on grief and loss, have a look at our page on supporting your child with grief and loss.

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Supporting a child with grief and loss during the Covid-19 pandemic

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When experiencing grief and loss, it can be hard to know how best to support your child - especially if you were unable to be with your loved one when they died due to lockdown restrictions. Our Parents Helpline experts share their advice.

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We help children, young people, parents, and families to rebuild their lives when a child grieves or when a child dies.

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This monster wellbeing shield worksheet has been created due to the popularity of The wellbeing shield on the site. I thought it would be great to do one for those in EYFS.

Basically the children have to come up with things that keep the monster protected from sadness. They can write or draw on the shield.

Perfect activity to be part of your recovery curriculum when children return to school.

Download: Monster shield

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This page is jam-packed with useful resources about many aspects of mental health and wellbeing. We have included information about how parents can support their children with:

Anxiety
Anger
Depression
Behaviour
Attachment and trauma
Grief and loss

We hope that you will find the information on this page useful. Please scroll down each column to see the full list of resources and links.

Topics included on this page:

General Information about children's mental health needs

Apps for kids

Recommended Reading for kids

Recommended reading for parents/ carers

Online courses for parents/ carer and agencies who can support

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Dr. Ross Greene, a distinguished clinician and pioneer in the treatment of kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges, has worked with thousands of explosive children, and he has good news: these kids aren't attention-seeking, manipulative, or unmotivated, and their parents aren't passive, permissive pushovers. Rather, explosive kids are lacking some crucial skills in the domains of flexibility/adaptability, frustration tolerance, and problem solving, and they require a different approach to parenting.

Throughout this compassionate, insightful, and practical book, Dr. Greene provides a new conceptual framework for understanding their difficulties, based on research in the neurosciences. He explains why traditional parenting and treatment often don't work with these children, and he describes what to do instead. Instead of relying on rewarding and punishing, Dr. Greene's Collaborative Problem Solving model promotes working with explosive children to solve the problems that precipitate explosive episodes, and teaching these kids the skills they lack.

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During this course, you'll learn about how the cycle of school avoidance develops, and the part we may unwittingly play in that, as well as exploring a range of simple steps that you can take, alongside families, to support children to return to school and engage regularly and meaningfully; helping school turn from a place of fear to a place of safety for the child. We also explore the steps we can take to spot the early warning signs and prevent a school avoidance cycle from developing as well as exploring some universal strategies that we can employ to make school feel like a safer and more inviting place for every child. The course has been developed and delivered by Dr Pooky Knightsmith, an internationally respected child and adolescent mental health expert who has worked closely with a range of schools and local authorities to develop their approach to emotionally based school avoidance.

Course Discussion

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Information and advice for parents.

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Support for Parents from Action For Children

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My child is worried about going back to school - Support for Parents from Action For Children

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Worries, anxious thoughts or anxiety can happen if your child feels out of control. It helps to find things they can control and start from there: Can they make the school routine more enjoyable? Try making a morning playlist. Young children might not have seen friends since school closed.

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A charity for mental health needs in children and young people

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This page is designed to offer practical information, advice and signposting to help parents and carers support their children with their emotional health and well being. Advice and resources for Children and Young People can be found here.

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A charity supporting parenting with all aspects of parenting.

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Support for Parents from Action For Children

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Worried about Covid-19? You're not alone. We've pooled practical advice on coping with the pandemic.

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Parent Talk - down-to-earth parenting advice you can trust

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Supporting parents with a range of issues.

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Meditation and mindfulness made easy and fun for kids, to help them fall asleep, calm down or resolve conflicts.

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Mindfulness and sleep

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Calm is the #1 app for sleep and meditation. Join the millions experiencing better sleep, lower stress, and less anxiety.

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Mindfulness and Relaxation

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Meditation and Sleep Made Simple - Headspace

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Live a healthier, happier, more well-rested life in just a few minutes a day with the Headspace app.

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Fun videos and games to help you move, relax and energise! Create a free account on the website

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A website to help kids with their mental health

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Life can be tough for children with modern day pressures. It can result in anger, worry, anxiety and emotional overwhelm. If your child is experiencing stress at school or home, such as friendship issues, exams or sibling rivalry Chatterminds can help.

Chatterminds helps to...

Equip children and adults with the skills and benefits of mindfulness

Enable young people to name and recognise different emotions and how they feel in the body

Empower young people to regulate their emotions and foster an ethos of kindness and gratitude

Support young people with their friendships, giving them the confidence to stand up for themselves whilst still being kind

Build resilience and self-esteem

Equip young people with skills to nurture their mental health, with an emphasis on positive self-care

Why not join the Chatterminds Facebook group?

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Life can be tough for children with modern day pressures. It can result in anger, worry, anxiety and emotional overwhelm. If your child is experiencing stress at school or home, such as friendship issues, exams or sibling rivalry Chatterminds can help.

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Yoga videos for kids

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Your child's behaviour is a way for them to communicate with you. Learn what their behaviour means

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It's normal for children and young people to feel worried about something that's happening at school - for example, when starting a new school or during exams. Sometimes, however, school can become challenging, stressful or distressing over a much longer period of time.

If your child is feeling anxious about school, or not able to go, it can be exhausting for both of you. Mornings in particular can become really stressful for the whole family, as you try to juggle your child's feelings alongside the need to get them to school and get on with your other responsibilities such as work. Even if you manage to get your child to the school gate, you might know how difficult they're going to find the day - or know that you'll be facing the same problem tomorrow morning.

If you're in this situation, we've got advice to help you explore what's going on with your child, make changes at school that can help, and find the support you need if your child can't go to school.

About the term 'school refusal'

When anxiety builds up to the point that a young person cannot go to school, this is often called 'school refusal' - and you might hear the school or other professionals using this term. However, many young people and parents do not like this term because it implies that 'refusing' school is a choice, and you may prefer to use terms such as emotionally-based school avoidance (ESBA) or anxiety-related absence.

What makes young people feel anxious about school?

Young people can feel anxious about school for lots of different reasons. They might be worried about making friends or fitting in, find schoolwork or lessons confusing, feel pressured to learn in a certain way or find their relationships with teachers difficult.

Sometimes, going through difficult experiences outside of school - such as bereavement, an illness in the family or being a young carer - can also make it harder for a child to feel settled at school.

For some young people, the school environment isn't right for them, and trying to fit into it can create a huge amount of stress. This might be the case if they are struggling with their mental health, or have a neurodiverse condition or Special Educational Need (SEN) such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia or dyspraxia. This can make the school environment anxiety-provoking and exhausting, especially if their condition or need is undiagnosed or not being well supported.

Young people might show they're feeling anxious about school by:

not wanting to get up and get ready

saying they can't go

worrying a lot about small issues, such as having the right equipment for a lesson

feeling sick, or having stomach aches or headaches

not sleeping well

not doing schoolwork, or their grades dropping

being angry or upset, or acting out - at school or at home

withdrawing - seeming low, quiet or depressed

Finding out what's going on for your child

Sometimes it can be difficult to work out what's making your child feel anxious, and the first step is often helping them to identify exactly what's worrying them. Once you understand the problem, you'll be in a much better position to make changes that can help.

Young people can find it hard to explain what's causing their feelings, and might not be able to answer direct questions like 'what's going on?' Using an anxiety iceberg can help to open up the conversation - giving you a more relaxed way of exploring together what's causing their anxiety.

Watch our video to find out how to make an anxiety iceberg with your child.

If you're making an anxiety iceberg with younger children, you might want to draw images on the iceberg, or encourage them to write simple words. With older children and teenagers, you can ask them to write key words and phrases on the iceberg, or do this as a mind map, with 'school' in the middle and all the things they're finding difficult around the outside.

Through this exercise, you might identify worries such as arriving at school, finding the environment noisy or overwhelming, finding lessons confusing, feeling lonely through the day, or feeling uncomfortable during specific subjects.

Making changes at school

Once you understand what's going on for your child, you can use their anxiety iceberg or mind map to communicate with the school and ask for specific changes.

Follow these steps to start a conversation with the school:

Here are some examples of things you can ask the school for:

Remember that even though this situation can be really tough for you and your child, it's a good idea to maintain a positive relationship with the school. Recognise the support they're offering and any changes they're making. This will help you work together to make things better for your child.

Building a relationship with the attendance team at my son's school was hugely helpful, we were talking with them each day.

Strategies you can try at home

For more information and advice on managing anxiety, have a look at our guide for parents.

If your child isn't able to go to school at the moment

If your child isn't going to school at the moment, this can be incredibly stressful and exhausting for you - and really tough for your child. You might be worried about whether they will be able to get back to school or the impact on their education. Or, you might feel overwhelmed because you're juggling this alongside work and other family commitments.

If your child's anxiety about school has built up to the point where they can't go, it's a good idea to get them some professional mental health or SEN support - see our advice on this below.

Alongside requesting professional help, try to:

The school's SEN and attendance policies should be on their website. Knowing what these are can support you during meetings with the school.

This can help if your child is unable to go to school for a longer period of time and you need to ask for more support, including provision of alternative full-time education.

Encourage your child to get up, do some studying and stop for lunch at the same times they would if they were in school. This will make adapting back to school easier. Explain to your child that if they cannot go to school, they will need to study at home - at least until alternative arrangements are put in place. Ask the school to help you facilitate tasks and activities your child can do and use online resources such as BBC Bitesize.

Not going to school could leave your child feeling really isolated. Make sure they stay connected to the outside world by seeing friends and family, doing activities they enjoy and getting outside for walks and exercise.

Speaking to friends online can be really important if your child is feeling isolated at home. Sometimes, however, you might notice that your child is spending lots of time gaming or on their phone, and that this is getting in the way of important daily activities like spending quality time with family, learning, or sleeping and eating well. If this is becoming a problem, have a look at our guide to gaming or guide to social media for more information and advice.

Local authorities must provide alternative education if a child of compulsory school age is unable to attend school over a longer period of time. If your child cannot attend school because of a mental or physical health issue, the local authority should provide an alternative as soon as it is clear that they will be away from school for more than 15 days (either consecutively or over time). Find out how to request alternative education.

What will happen if my child doesn't go to school?

Parents often tell us they are worried about fines and prosecution, but schools generally consider this only if they feel there is no valid reason for the absence, or that parents aren't engaging with the problem.

If the absence is prolonged, the case may be referred to a local council Education Welfare Officer (EWO). They will arrange a home visit to find out more and discuss strategies. The school may also refer to other support, including from CAMHS.

Helping your child return to school after an absence

Getting back to school after weeks or months may feel extremely difficult for your child, but you and the school can help make it more manageable. Here are some things you can do to help:

Set small, achievable targets, such as visiting the building outside school hours or attending one lesson.

Request a home visit from a school staff member so your child can check in while feeling safe, see that the school cares and discuss any strategies that might help them.

Ask for a reduced timetable, with regular reviews to discuss building back up at a manageable rate.

Discuss changing classes or sets if your child thinks this would help.

Focus on qualifications needed for what your child wants to do next, perhaps dropping a less relevant GCSE to reduce stress.

My son wasn't questioned about his absence when he did feel able to pop in for favourite lessons, helping to ease him back into full days of education.

Getting mental health and SEN support

If your child is struggling with anxiety and it's affecting their day-to-day life, learning or relationships, it's a good idea to find some professional support. Speaking to the GP and finding them a counsellor or therapist are two good places to start. You can find more information about GPs, counsellors and other mental health services in our guide to getting help for your child.

If there is no other obvious reason for your child's inability to attend school, they may have an undiagnosed Special Educational Need (SEN) such as dyslexia, autism or ADHD.

If you think this is the case:

Speak to the school's SENCO or your GP to ask for a referral for an assessment.

While you are waiting for an assessment, you can also ask the SENCO to refer your child for support from other professionals, such as an Educational Psychologist or Speech and Language Therapist. These professionals can identify specific needs and make recommendations for additional support the school can put in place - even if your child hasn't had a formal diagnosis yet.

SEN support at school
If your child is diagnosed with SEN, extra support and adjustments should be put in place at school to help them attend and learn. This is called SEN support, and should be available within the school's existing resources. Speak to the school's SENCO in the first instance about how the school will support your child.
Education, Health and Care (EHC) plans
If you do not think your child's needs can be met by the school's existing resources, you can ask the local authority to carry out an Education, Health and Care needs assessment (EHC needs assessment). If the local authority decides your child needs additional support, they will then make an Education, Health and Care plan (EHC plan). This outlines how the extra support they need will be provided. Find out more about EHC plans.
Your Local Offer
Your Local Offer is the information, support and services available for young people with SEN, and for their parents and families. You can find out what support is available in your area by going to your local authority's website and searching for their Local Offer.

If you need more information and advice about getting the right education for your child when they have been diagnosed with a Special Educational Need (SEN), IPSEA can help.

If you need to talk through a problem, their Advice Line can provide support with any educational issue resulting from your child's SEN. You can also find lots of information, including information on assessments and diagnosis, as well as getting support from the school and local authority, on their website.

Finding more information and advice

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

You might also find this helpful

We have more tips and advice on supporting your child with school, and information about how you can get in touch with our Parents Helpline.

This page was reviewed in December 2022. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with school anxiety. We will next review the page in 2025. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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School Anxiety and Refusal | Parent Guide to Support

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If your child is anxious about school, or refusing to go to school at all, read our tips and advice on how you can support their mental health.

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Talking Mental Health by Anna Freud Centre. Suitable for children.

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5 ways to support your child's mental health

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5 ways to support your child's mental health

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An easy way to understand wellbeing is to say it's 'feeling good and doing good'.

Here are five ways you can help children keep their wellbeing topped up - and your own, too.

For many, it's going to be harder to get outside and move around, but we still need to keep active. When we move our bodies, it has a positive effect on how our brain works, as the brain starts releasing chemicals that make us feel good.

* Host a home disco. Play the family's favourite dance songs and have a boogie for ten minutes.

* Watch BBC Super Movers videos. These short films can get the whole family moving (and learning). Learning routines (or just attempting them) means your child's brain and body (and yours!) are keeping active and engaged.

* Blow up a balloon. Once you've tied it, see how long you can keep it up in the air while passing it between you.

Having more time at home together may also put additional stress on family relationships so give everyone in the family a chance to refuel. It can be as simple as curling up on the sofa together and watching a film or some cartoons - and then chatting about your favourite bits.

Having these sorts of conversations can help to make the positive buzz of watching (and laughing) together last for longer. It'll also improve your child's ability to reflect on their experiences and talk about their preferences.

Stories are another great way to help children recharge as they lose themselves in wonderful fictional worlds. There are likely to be some old favourites they want you to read again, as they'll take comfort from hearing a familiar tale (for children, knowing how it ends is a good thing, not a spoiler alert!).

It's helpful for children (and adults) to have a healthy balance of emotions in a day. Fears and anxieties about the current situation may, at times, overpower our positive emotions unless we make a conscious effort to re-address this balance.

Here are a couple of ways you can help your child to achieve this balance:

* Make a 'Top Times' scrapbook. Help your child to create a scrapbook of memories, with printed out photos, drawn pictures, saved tickets and other bits and pieces stuck in to help them remember. These don't have to mark occasions; they can capture smaller moments of joy, like throwing a ball for a dog or seeing a rainbow.

Once you've built a collection of pages (and maybe several scrapbooks), you can enjoy looking through them together.

* Create a gratitude jar. Another way to take in the good stuff is to write down a little note when something's gone well and keep it in a jar or box. Younger children may prefer telling you what to write so you can record the experiences for them. As they get older, they may want to write their own notes.

You can encourage them by doing this alongside them. The great thing about a gratitude jar is you can revisit it on days when you need a little boost to remind everyone of the things you've been grateful for.

Building gratitude habits doesn't mean we diminish the struggles that children (and we) experience. It's really important to talk about these difficult moments too. But, having a time in the day when you focus on the positive can be useful in helping children to keep their thoughts balanced.

Having more time at home offers an opportunity to set some goals about new things you and your child want to learn. It could be something that helps encourage their independence when they return to school, like tying their own shoelaces or buttoning up their coat. Or it could be something that helps at home, such as how to put their clothes away or helping out with washing up. When children feel they're contributing to family 'work', it can enhance their sense of belonging. If your child is capable of doing things for themselves, give them as many opportunities as you can to practise these skills.

Whatever the learning goals, it can be helpful if children understand they can improve their skills and abilities. This is often referred to as a 'growth mindset' since it's about realising we all have the ability to change the way we think and do things. So, whether it's tying shoelaces, learning to spell, or even how to hop on one leg, the way adults talk to children about the learning will influence those children's beliefs.

Here are two ways to encourage your child to adopt a growth mindset:

* Add the word 'yet'. Changing the way you talk about intelligence and ability can help your child understand that learning is a process - our skills and traits aren't fixed from birth. When your child claims "I can't do this" (whether they're talking about a new hobby, homework, or anything else), say: "You can't do it yet".

Adding and emphasising this tiny word subtly reinforces the learning process and may help them to try again.

* Practise (and fail) with your child. Trying new things can be scary, but it's often less daunting when you do it with others. As a family, you might decide to try something new and celebrate your learning and your failures when it doesn't work (the first, second, or even the ninety-ninth time!).

Being able to support your child's wellbeing also involves taking care of yourself. As a starting point, try and eat nutritious healthy food; it's a great idea to turn cooking into an activity the whole family takes part in. Life can often feel very busy and parents give themselves a hard time about being unable to do everything perfectly. Remember, though, there are no 'perfect parents'.

We all get things wrong, we all have days when we struggle. And while it may be true that you might not have done everything 'perfectly', you've probably done more things to support your child's wellbeing than you realise. So, try and focus on what you're doing well - it's not you being boastful, it's actually really helpful for your child to do this. Children can learn a lot from hearing adults respond kindly to themselves when things don't work out - and then from seeing the grown-ups try again. Notice how you speak to yourself about your mistakes. If you can cultivate kindness towards yourself, your child is more likely to practise this when they get things wrong too.

It might also be useful to take a moment and think about the activities, people and places that help you to feel brighter and refuelled. Even if you can't do these things at the moment, perhaps there are new ways that you can connect with the things that matter to you, like chatting with friends on the phone instead of meeting up. No matter how busy you are, try and squeeze in a little time for yourself. It's likely to help you with the many joys and challenges that parenting can bring.

Dr Hazel Harrison is a Clinical Psychologist with a particular focus on mental health and wellbeing.

For further information check out the rest of Starting Primary School which has lots of ways to help prepare children for different aspects of school life - both practically and emotionally.

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Five ways to support children's mental health

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Clinical psychologist, Hazel Harrison, suggests five ways you can support your child's mental health.

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Welcome to MindEd for Families, Children and Young People. We hope you like our new design. If you are a regular user you might find that some of the topics have moved, or the titles have been changed slightly. But we still have all the same great content, and we hope it will be easy to find what yo…

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A 'PACE-ful' APPROACH TO COVID-19 FOR PARENTS/CARERS OF CHILDREN AND TEENS

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A fantastic charity providing lots of advice, resources and support for parents and young people

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It's okay to reach out for help. Your situation is unique and no parent has all the answers. We all need a little extra support sometimes, and we hear from parents and carers just like you all the time.

So, if you're worried about the mental health and wellbeing of a child or young person up to the age of 25, you can chat to us by phone, email or webchat.

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Parents Mental Health Support | Advice for Your Child

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It's okay to reach out for help. Your situation is unique and no parent has all the answers. We all need a little extra support sometimes, and we hear from parents and carers just like you all the time.

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A charity specifically supporting families through separation and divorce

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Skip to content

Supporting your child through your separation

Every child reacts in their own way when their parents separate. Whatever their response when family life changes, support is out there. You may worry about the negative impacts of a separation on your child and think it would be better to hide it from them. However, in some cases, talking to your child can help them to adjust.

This page is advice for you as a parent. We have advice for your child on our page, ' Children whose parents are splitting up '.

Talking to your child

Voices in the Middle have compiled a conversation guide filled with useful questions to ask, tips on how to plan the discussion, and advice from young people who have been through their parents separation.

Relate also have a video guide with practical tips on how to talk with your children about separating.

Understanding your child's feelings

You may find that it's easier to support your child if you can understand the feelings they are experiencing after a separation. Relate have lots of information about dealing with children's feelings and behaviour after separating that may be helpful.

You and your child might recognise the feelings and experiences described on Voices in the Middle, which offers lots of guidance for separating parents with teenagers.

Busting the myths around separation and your children

There are lots of generalisations made about separation and its impact on children. It can be easy to believe these assumptions, so we had a look at what the research actually says.

Here are some myths that surround separation:

It might feel like the best way to avoid any negative effects of a separation on your children is to shield them from it.

While it may be appropriate to do this in some circumstances, lots of research shows that talking to your children about the separation can help them adjust better.
"Not only are my children doing great but it's been nothing but positive for me too. Gave me a push to do a degree, enabled me to find part time work as a community development worker, and gave me a real interest in child education which I try to pass on to my children."
- Lindsay

Looking after yourself

There's lots of help and support available for single parent families, and it's important to make sure that you're looking after yourself and your own wellbeing as well as your children's.

It can sometimes be helpful to read through stories from other single parents to hear how they have dealt with the ups and downs of single parenthood.

You might also want to share your experiences and get support from other single parents who have been through the same situation.

Getting support from others

Voices in the Middle

Voices in the Middle offers advice to young people whose parents are splitting up, as well as guidance for parents on how they can support their teenagers during divorce and separation.

Visit their website

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Skip to content Every child reacts in their own way when their parents separate. Whatever their response when family life changes, support is out there. You may worry about the negative impacts of a separation on your child and think it would be better to hide it from them.

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Free and accredited courses on a variety of subjects, including mental health.

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Courses for Parents and Carers - Creative Education

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Practical Advice for Parents and Carers Explore our growing range of practical video courses that will provide you new insights and perspectives on caring for...

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Information for reducing conflict between parents/ carers and children

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Parents and Carers | Advice and Guidance | Anna Freud Centre

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Advice and guidance for parents and carers to help them support a child or a young person experiencing poor mental health or wellbeing.

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Attachment based practice

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Beacon House is passionate about developing freely available resources so that knowledge about the repair of trauma and adversity is in the hands of those who need it. Please feel free to use our resources in your home or work setting.
All we ask is that you credit our team for the information and design using this credit: Image or information courtesy of Beacon House Therapeutic Services & Trauma Team | 2022 | www.beaconhouse.org.uk
As a specialist trauma service, our resources are written using a 'trauma lens' and offer information, ideas and strategies from this perspective. We know that there are other perspectives and overlapping experiences, meaning that 'one size doesn't fit all'. We are working to be as inclusive as possible and alongside this acknowledge that not everything we produce will be relevant for everyone.

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Beacon House is passionate about developing freely available resources so that knowledge about the repair of trauma and adversity is in the hands of those who need it. Please feel free to use our resources in your home or work setting.

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Adverse Childhood Experiences

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Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) (Wales) 2017

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Understanding Childhood Trauma and it's long term impact

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How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime

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Childhood trauma isn’t something you just get over as you grow up. Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris explains that the repeated stress of abuse, neglect and parents struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues has real, tangible effects on the development of the brain. This unfolds across a lifetime, to the point where those who’ve experienced high levels of trauma are at triple the risk for heart disease and lung cancer. An impassioned plea for pediatric medicine to confront the prevention and treatment of trauma, head-on.

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NHS Advice for Parents

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Find advice and support for parents who have children or teenagers with mental health problems.

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Post credit: Dr Caroline Leaf

"People tend to believe that grief shrinks over time. What really happens is that we grow around our grief."

Three jars of the same size sit in a row. Each jar contains a ball which gets smaller in size from left to right. The text underneath reads: "People tend to believe that grief shrinks over time."

Below that there are three more jars each with a ball inside. These jars get progressively bigger from left to right, but each of the balls is the same size. The text underneath reads: "What really happens is that we grow around our grief."

We all grieve differently

There's no right or wrong way to grieve and everyone grieves in different ways. You might feel angry, sad, depressed, guilty, relieved, or any other number of emotions. Or you might be numb and not feel anything at all. However you're feeling is okay and is a normal reaction to losing someone.

Because we all grieve differently, how you react might be different to how other people around you react. For example, the way you grieve might be influenced by your culture, beliefs, or how your family and community understand loss. Your grief might also be influenced by what you feel others expect of you, but it's important to remember that however you're feeling is valid - there's nothing wrong with you if you don't react to loss the way others do.

While it's important to look after yourself when grieving, it's also important to be sensitive to how other people are grieving and accept that everyone's experience is unique.

Remember, too, that grief can come up at any time. There might be some occasions when you are expecting it, like when you experience one of many 'firsts', such as your first holiday or birthday without that person. Or these feelings might catch you unaware sometimes. It might be that you don't feel anything for a while, and then experience delayed grief. All of these experiences are normal.
In this video, our Activists share their experiences of grief.
If you're grieving, this is for you

There are a mixture of emotions and responses associated with grief and you may feel all, some or none of these. However you're feeling, your feelings are valid and you are not alone.

You might feel:

shock

panic

sadness or depression

anger

fear or anxiety

guilt

relief

numbness, or nothing

concerned with your health or other people's

abandoned

You might also experience physical symptoms of grief, including:

crying, often when you least expect it

aches, pains and headaches

loss of appetite

fatigue or difficulty sleeping

When my best friend passed away, I barely remember the first few months after he died. I was weighed down by this cloud of absolute nothing. For me, that was one of the things I never knew about grief. It can be so many emotions - or it can be nothing at all.

Ryan's story: How I started talking about my grief

Feelings of guilt and anger

Some people may feel guilty, or like it's their fault. But remember, the loss you have experienced is not your fault. And if you stop feeling sad or in pain, it does not mean that you've stopped caring. You are allowed to feel happy, find enjoyment in things and move forward in your life, and it is not a sign that you don't care enough for the person you have lost.

You may also feel angry, especially if you felt certain choices were taken away from you, such as not being able to visit to say goodbye. You may particularly feel angry if you lost someone during the Covid-19 pandemic. But remember that nothing you said or did caused - or could have changed - what happened, and it is not your fault.

It takes time to work through grief and it's best not to do it alone. Sometimes you might be surprised by feelings of sadness when you don't expect them - or you might keep worrying about other people's health, or your own. These feelings are all normal. While grief may never fully go away, most of us get through these feelings with the support of family and friends, and learn how to move forward in a new direction.

If you're struggling to come to terms with a death, you're finding daily life hard and things don't seem to be getting any better, it can help to talk to someone. Tell a trusted friend, family member or teacher how you're feeling. It's okay to ask others to be with you if you need them.

The 'grief cycle' describes how people adapt in stages after losing someone. Research suggests there are five common stages of grief, but remember that grief is a completely individual process and these stages do not always appear in the same order for everybody. Some people may not experience these stages at all.

Instagram artwork by @janellesilver - white text over a black background reads: 'this is how it feels sometimes' with a person sitting in the corner.

It is common to move forwards and backwards through these stages and some people may have a completely different experience of grief altogether.

If you feel as though your grief is making it hard for you to go about daily life, talk to your GP about counselling and professional support.

If you're experiencing any of the below, these could be signs that you should seek outside help:

Talking to your GP about bereavement can be scary, but they can help you find the right support.

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Post credit: @laurasnest.de

A watercolour image of a blue circle with text reading: "Small progress is still progress".

You may find it helpful to express your grief in different ways. Here are some things you could try to help communicate how you are feeling:

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Instagram artwork by @_ellamasters_ - the word: 'Hope' on a blue patterned background.

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Instagram artwork by @crazyheadcomics - clouds with raining and thunder that has tips on different ways of coping with grief.

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Instagram artwork by @_ellamasters_ - two hands holding with the words: 'until we meet again, brother.'

It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who is grieving, but your support could really help. Connections with family and friends can help someone who is grieving to feel supported and loved.

Marie Curie has more tips and advice on supporting someone who is grieving.

Big occasions, such as birthdays and holidays like Eid or Christmas, can be a painful time if you've lost someone important to you. Being around lots of friends and family can cause you to think about the people who aren't there, which can bring feelings of grief and loss to the surface.

On these occasions, it's important to remember to look after yourself. If you feel things are becoming too much, make sure to give yourself time away from others. Give yourself space to remember that your loved one is not there and that it's natural to miss them. Remember too that everyone grieves differently, so try and be sensitive to the needs of your friends and family as well.

You might find it helpful before a big family or social occasion to make a plan of what you're going to do if you start to feel overwhelmed. For example, it might help to tell someone you trust about your concerns, so you have someone to check in with or take a timeout with if things get too much. Or maybe you could think about taking breaks and finding a quiet space to ground yourself before joining the group again.

You may find it helpful to use big occasions as a way to remember someone you've lost. Take a look at some tips below for ways to honour the memory of your loved one.

During the Christmas holidays there is often an unspoken pressure on everyone to come across as cheerful. Please know that you do not have to pretend that you're okay just for the comfort of others.

Artwork by Brooke Petermann. The words: 'hold hands' are in a circle on a white background.

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Dealing with grief and loss | Mental health advice

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