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Sheff wrote this novel using various descriptors of how he felt at each moment of Nic's addiction, including physical pain and a cloud of hopelessness hanging over him. When Nic didn't return home one night, and didn't come home for days after, David recalled, "Every time the phone rings, my stomach constricts"(Sheff 101). The author wrote this because of the way it hits the reader. There is so much worry pinned up inside of him that he is physically feeling it. When this passage is read, the reader then understands how raw the emotions and feelings of the time are.

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The theme that the author chose to an obvious extent is the effect that illnesses have on the child's parent. The guilt experienced by David was consuming him. One night when Nic didn't come home, David wrote, "I tiptoe into the bedroom and try to fall back asleep, but by then it's futile. I lie awake. Worry is beginning to consume me"(Sheff 100). This contributes to the theme of a parents concern of safety over their child. Nic's addiction didn't just affect his life, it also tore apart his family in the process. The worry and guilt of a parent who has a sick child is overwhelming.

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Addiction can rip families apart- but can also make them stronger- so they can fight as a team. Nic's siblings were greatly affected by his addiction, but throughout the novel, they are seen to be working through it with their parents together. Vicki, Nic's mother, was at his high school graduation with the family when Jasper"...sat on my other side. Afterward, Jas whispered, 'Vicki seems nice'"(Sheff 298). The relationship between a child and a parent's new partner can be stressful, especially when dealing with an extraordinary amount of stress. When Jasper opened up to liking Vicki, David felt as if the family just got that much stronger.

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Not only is the relationship between Nic and his father followed closely throughout the novel, but Jasper's involvement and takeaway from the situation is apparent. Jasper, Nic's little brother, showed to be sickly worried about Nic- especially when money was starting to be taken from his savings to feed Nic's addiction. One day after school, Jasper tells his father,"We ran the mile at school today. I couldn't think about anything but Nic"(Sheff 268). Because of his family situation, Jasper suffered greatly, carrying these emotions into school- affecting his ability to focus on classes and activities. Drug addiction- as we see in the memoir- not only causes the parents to suffer, but everyone around the user has suffers.

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After a relapse, Nic and David sat down to chew the fat on his mistake. He seemed very disappointed in himself- finally speaking on how horrible he feels to have started using again. Nic turned to his father and uttered, "'Sometimes I don't think I can make it.' he says. He feels overwhelmed by this relapse. 'How could I have f... up so badly?' he asks. 'I can't believe it did it. I almost lost everything. I don't think I can face starting over again'"(Sheff 229). This is the moment that the reader realizes that Nic is at a crossroad on whether to push to get better or not. This passage shows maturity in Nic's thought process- that how he doesn't want to mess up anymore.

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To a parent, the main worry is their child's safety. Safety truly trumps their child's happiness, their friends, and their mental state. At the point of 'all hope is lost', a parent just thrives to keep their child safe. In the novel, Nic's father tries a support group for parents of addicts. A woman shares her story of her daughter being sentenced for a drug bust, and how she's ashamed about her joy about the fact of her being away and safe. Another mother jumps in to express that, "she knows how the other woman feels. 'Each day I thank God that, my daughter is in jail,' she says. 'I express my gratitude to God... Where she is safer'"(Sheff 176). Just like any parent, these mothers wanted their daughters to be clean and safe- although they feel the shame of that relief every day. The theme of this novel screams the desperation of safety from a parent.

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By the end of the novel, the reader has seen all of the highs and lows of addiction through a father's eyes. There were many sleepless nights where David wasn't sure if his son was alive. One day, an email comes in from Nic's girlfriend with pictures from their road trip. Nic, "his hair is longer, wears big sunglasses, a newsboy cap, a black t-shirt, and bell-bottoms. He stands by a river. He's in front of a geyser at Yellowstone National Park. He smiles - a joyful smile"(Sheff 317). There is a sense of relief- an ability to breathe when this passage was read. Nic struggled for a very long time to keep afloat, dragging his family and friends down with him every time that he started to drown. This marked the end of a long road of "falling off the wagon" and getting back up again- leaving behind the burned bridges and mistakes.

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The difficulty choosing this section of quotes was outstanding. The novel includes various interpretations of the word "beautiful", many being the scenery or the way a character speaks. To me, the most beautiful words spoken was when David picks up the phone- he he described it as, "My son will have another chance. For the first time since the early morning phone call, I breathe"(Sheff 201). This passage was so overwhelming to me because it is a little pinch of hope for the reader to hold onto through the unstable plot of the novel. The author includes David's breath and ability to breathe throughout the novel- right around the time that anything major happens to Nic. When Nic was given a 'second chance', David felt as if his lungs cleared. Personally, I struggle with anxiety, and this part resonated with me because I understand that feeling of your lungs not being able to reach that full breath when being faced with adversity.

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In 1993, twelve-year-old was abducted from her bedroom while her mother was home the whole time. While Nic was in the car with his friends talking about it, he goes silent for a while then says, "'You have to scream and run anyway. You have to try to get away'"(Sheff 44). The author included this quote to show that there was a fighting spirit inside of Nic- to foreshadow that he will fight through his long road of addiction. There were periods of time that elapsed where the reader thought that his fighting spirit had burned out, but by the end of the novel, he won his fight- with eight years of sobriety to show for it.

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Stephen King advised as his seventh rule: "Truthful writing often upsets people." As read in the novel by David Sheff, Stephen King was completely correct. Through the journey Nic took- on and of the wagon- the reader saw the pain of addiction through a parent's eyes. There was no sugar coating the fact that hard drugs turn people into narcissistic monsters. In the book Nic stammers at his father, "'You're right,' he says. He pushes past me. 'I've been using since I came home. I was using the whole semester.' He leaves the house, slamming the door behind him"(Sheff 9). The author included this passage to show the lows of addiction and how it affects a family- although painful and uncomfortable it may be to read.

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As well as the lows, Nic's highs (metaphorical highs that is) were sprinkled throughout the plot. The 'emotional journey' of this book was not a straight shot from good to bad. Instead, it was a range of really high-highs, and really low-lows. When in rehab, Nic called David regularly, and, "...it seems as if Nic is thoroughly engaged in this and other courses. He seems stable, attending regular twelve-step meetings and working with the sponser. It sounds as if he is still thriving in his classes, and he is newly in love with a girl who drives him to meetings"(Sheff 169).  This novel is not a comfortable read- covering drug and alcohol abuse in such a young person, yet it expresses the reality of the situation. Although he was clean in the end, Nic had to undergo many ups and downs before he won his battle.

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Beautiful words are not just used to describe a sunset or a piece of jewelry to me. Instead, they are used to show huge moments in a person's life, described in vivid, painful detail. When Nic was getting worse, David realized that this wasn't a joke anymore. He pondered, "If Nic were not ill he would not lie. If Nic were not ill he would not steal. If Nic were not ill he would not terrorize his family"(Sheff 179). The author included this quote because he wanted to include the 'aha moment' of David's- realizing that his son actually is sick. Because of denial and hope, David had not seen the severity of Nic's illness until this moment in time. I found this quote very hard to digest because it is so painful to see someone close to you fall ill due to addiction- ripping apart their lives for another high.

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After Nic falls of the wagon again, David started to feel more and more hopeless. David wrote, "Nietzsche is often quoted for having said, 'That which does not kill us makes us stronger.' This is absolutely true for family members of an addict"(Sheff 13). The author chose to include this quote to relate his situation of being tortured by his son's addiction. The pain and hopelessness as a parent that watches their child fall into a bad place- does feel like it's slowly killing them. The parents of a younger addict suffer more than the child most times in these situations because of all the guilt and worry they take on.

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The relationships between the family in this novel are filled with love, but weighed down with sorrow. Nic's and his mother had a very fun and light-hearted relationship when he was little, including them loving to,"...tease each other. Relentlessly. Sometimes she teases him too much and he gets mad. When we go out to eat, they always order milkshakes. He savors his, but Karen drinks hers down quickly and then tries to steal Nic's. They play a word game and laugh their heads off" (Sheff 35). Nic and his mother's bond is very strong according to the description the author decided to give. This soft spot in the novel shows that Nic will always have that love for his mother- giving a break in his hard outer shell.

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The whole novel is one big obstacle- touching on love and loss due to addiction and how it affects families. Nic refused to go back to rehab for his problem that just keeps getting worse, so David tried to guilt him into it- seeing as that it might have been his only way to get Nic to go. David pleaded, "'Nic, you have to go to rehab. You told me you would.' 'I don't need rehab.' 'You promised. You nearly died.' 'I messed up. That's all. Don't worry. I learned my lesson.' 'Nic, no.' 'Listen, I will be fine. I'll never do that sh... again. I learned how dangerous meth is. It's f... up. I'm not stupid. I'll never mess with it again.' I stop. Did I hear that correctly? 'Crystal meth?' He nods. It sinks in. God no. I am horrified that Nic has used meth. I had my own experience with that drug, too"(Sheff 103). In this moment, David realized that crystal meth was involved- a real drug- instead of the usual pot and alcohol problems young people face. With his own face-to-face with methamphetamine, David saw the true extent to which Nic is going to. The true obstacle is the few times that meth is euphoric for a person- having them strive for that euphoria that they will never achieve after a while- and how they will give it up .