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Kids started school!

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I live on Middle Street.

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Find local businesses, view maps and get driving directions in Google Maps.

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Plymouth is fun because it is fun to go to school!

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Plymouth is fun because it is fun to go to school!

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In an NBC's Dateline special: "The Perils of Parenting," I appeared as the expert on bullying. Producers asked me to teach middle school students-when bullying peaks-specific bystander strategies to deal with bullies. I developed the techniques after reviewing dozens of studies on the "Bystander Effect" and have trained hundreds of educators in how to use them with students. The US Army also invited me to teach these skills on 18 of our bases in Europe and the Asian-Pacific. They work (so say the students and the school climate surveys) I'll be sharing these in with educators in Washington DC at the upcoming School Safety Summits and the National Character Education Partnership Conference. The best news is that you can teach these same skills to kids at school, on soccer fields, in camps, BGCA clubs, in scouting groups or at home. It's time for adults to step up! Kids want to help...they just don't know how.

How to Teach Kids to Be Active Bystanders

Studies show that active bystanders can do far more than just watch. In fact, student bystanders may be our last, best hope in reducing bullying. Active student bystanders can:

~ Reduce the audience that a bully craves

~ Mobilize the compassion of witnesses to step in and stop the bullying

~ Support the victim and reduce the trauma

~ Be a positive influence in curbing a bullying episode

~ Encourage other students to support a school climate of caring

~ Report a bullying incident since 85 percent of time bullying occurs an adult is not present. Students are usually the witnesses

When bystanders intervene correctly, studies find they can cut bullying more than half the time and within 10 seconds. [Pepler and Craig]

Borba's Six "Be a Bully B.U.S.T.E.R." Skills

There are parameters to activate student bystanders, so get educated! Here are a few facts to ensure success:

To ensure success you must first mobilize students to be active bystanders.

You must give students permission to step in.

You must also teach specific strategies so they can step in.

Each strategy must be rehearsed or role-played, until kids can use it alone. (I've had schools have students role-play these in assemblies, make them into chart-reminders that are posted around the school, and even have students create mini-videos of each strategy to share with peers).

Not every strategy will work for every student, so you must provide a range of strategies.

Ideally you must enlist your peer leaders - those students on the highest popularity tier who other students look up to - to mobilize other peers.

Adults must be onboard with the approach and understand what bullying is and how to respond. Adults must listen to student reports on bullying and back students up. The biggest reason kids say they don't report: "The adult didn't listen or do anything to help." Step up adults!

The best news is that child advocates and parents can teach kids these same bystander skills. Doing so empowers children with tools to stop cruelty, help victims, feel safer and reduce bullying. Here are the three steps:

STEP ONE: Teach Students Tattling vs. Reporting

Kids must realize that safety is always the primary goal, so stress to students:

"If someone could get hurt, REPORT!

"It's always better to be safe than sorry."

Teach students the crucial difference between "Tattling" and "Reporting" so they will know when they should step in because a child is bullied or when to step back and let two kids handle things for themselves because it's just friendly teasing. Also identify specific trusted adults children can go to and report bullying incidents if they do identify bullying. Here is the crucial difference:

Tattling is when you trying to get kids IN trouble when they aren't hurting themselves or other.

Reporting is when you're trying to help keep kids OUT of trouble because they may get hurt (or they are). Report bullying to an adult you trust. If the adult doesn't listen, keep reporting until you find an adult who does listen.

STEP TWO: Teach What Bullying Looks and Sounds Like

The next step is to teach students what bullying behaviors look like so they will know when they should step in and not when the behavior is mere teasing.

1. Explain 3 parts of bullying:

1. Bullying is a cruel or aggressive act that is done on purpose. The bully has more power (strength, status, or size) than the targeted child who cannot hold his own.

2. The hurtful bullying behavior is not an accident, but done on purpose.

3. The bully usually seems to enjoy seeing the victim in distress and rarely accepts responsibility and often says the target "deserved" the hurtful treatment."

2. Teach: "Five Bullying Types": Depending on the child's age, bullying can take on difference forms including and children need to know what those forms. Bullying can be:

1. Physical: Punching, hitting, slamming, socking, spitting, slapping;

2. Verbal: Saying put downs, nasty statements, name calling, taunting, racial slurs, or hurtful comments, threatening;

3. Emotional: Shunning, excluding, spreading rumors or mean gossip, ruining your reputation;

4. Electronic or cyber-bullying: Using the Internet, cell phone, camera, text messaging, photos to say mean or embarrassing things;

5. Sexual: Saying or doingthings that are lewd or disrespectful in a sexual way

The key is for students to understand the real definition of bullying. 3. Mobilize Student Compassion Students could make posters, power-point presentations, skits, or projects about bullying. And they must know that the staff is serious about supporting them and will back them up and respond.

You might also use literature or video clips to help students understand the definition of bullying. Here are a few literature favorites: 4. Use Literature or Videos: Confessions of a Former Bully by Trudy Ludwig; Say Something by Peggy Moss Gardiner; Teammates by Peter Golenbock; The Bully Blockers Club, by Teresa Bateman.

STEP THREE: Teach "Bully BUSTER Bystander" Skills

I teach the acronym BUSTER as a mnemonic to help kids remember the skills more easily. Each letter in the word represents one of the six bystander skills.

Not all strategies work for all kids. The trick is to match the techniques with what works best with the child's temperament and comfort level and the particular situation.

Don't forget to ask students for their input and additional ideas. Their creativity never ceases to amaze me!

Bystanders often don't intervene because they don't want to make things worse or assume the victim doesn't want help. But research shows that if witnesses know a victim feels upset or wants help they are more likely to step in. Also, if a bystander befriends a victim, the act is more likely to get others to join the cause and stand up to the bully. A few ways bystanders can befriend victims:

Show comfort: Stand closer to the victim.

Ask if the victim wants support: "Do you need help?"

Clarify feelings: "She looks upset."

You can also encourage students to befriend a bullied after the episode. "That must have felt so bad." "I'm with you. Sorry I didn't speak out." "That happened to me, too." "Do you want me to help you find a teacher to talk to?" Though after the episode won't reduce the bullying at the moment, it will help reduce the pain of both the targeted child and the witness. It may also help other children recognize there are safe ways to defend and support a targeted child.

The right diversion can draw peers from the scene, make them focus elsewhere, give the target a chance to get away, and may get the bully to move on. Remember, a bully wants an audience, so bystanders can reduce it with a distraction.

dOne of the best distractions I've ever seen was a teen who saw bullying but did not fee safe stepping in to help (and most children as well as adults do not). So he got crafty. He unzipped his backpack and then walked nearby the scene and threw the backpack to the ground. Of course, he made it appear as though it was an accident, but it was a deliberate and brilliant act. "Oh no," he said. "All my stuff is on the ground and the bell is going to ring. My grade will get dinged. Can anyone help?" And the teen drew the audience from the bully to help him pick up his papers. The target also had a chance to sneak to safety.

Ploys include:

Ask a question: "What are you all doing here?"

Use diversion: "There's a great volleyball game going on! Come on!"

Make up false excuse to disperse a crowd: "A teacher is coming!"

Feigning interruption: "I can't find my bus."

Speaking out can get others to lend a hand and join you. You must stay cool, and never boo, clap, laugh, or insult, which could egg the bully on even more. Students also must learn how to assert themselves and say that speaking up to a bully is the hardest of the six Bully Buster Strategies. The students in the photo are learning my "CALM Approach" when speaking up to a bully. Best yet, older students are teaching the skill to younger students. Stress that directly confronting a bully is intimidating and it's a rare kid who can, but there are ways to still stand up to cruelty. Here are a few possibilities:

Show disapproval: Give a cold, silent stare.

Name it: "That's bullying!"

State disapproval: "This isn't cool!" "Don't do that!" "Cut it out!"

Ask for support: "Are you with me?"

Bystanders often don't report bullying for fear of retaliation, so make sure they know which adults will support them, and ensure confidentiality. You must give students the option of anonymous reporting. An active bystander could:

Find an adult you trust to tell. Keep going until you find someone who believes you

Call for help from your cell.

Send a text to someone who can get help. Many schools now have a text service.

Call 911 if someone could be injured.

Stress that bullies love audiences. Bystanders can drain a bully's power by reducing the group size a few ways. Students bystanders could:

Encourage: "You coming?"

Ask: "What are you all doing here?"

Exit: If you can't get others to leave with you, then walk away. If you stay, you're part of the cruelty. Leaving means you refuse to be part. Just quietly leave the scene.

6. R-Give a Reason or Offer a Remedy

Research finds that bystanders are more likely to help when told why the action is wrong or what to do. Students could:

Review why it's wrong: "This isn't right!" "This is mean!" "You'll get suspended." "You'll hurt him."

Offer a remedy: "Go get help!" "Let's work this out with Coach."

The right comments and behaviors can make peers stop, think, consider the consequences, and even move on. Those seconds are crucial and enough to stop the bullying or mobilize other students to step in and help.

Bystanders can make a difference. They can be mobilized to step in and reduce bullying-that is if they are taught how.

But it's up to adults to show students safe ways to do so, help them practice those strategies so they are comfortable using them in the real world, and then support and believe them and acknowledge their courageous efforts.

Hundreds of students today skipped school because of peer intimidation and bullying. It's time to rethink our strategies and teach bystanders how to step in safely and speak out against peer cruelty.

For specific ways educators can create a caring, inclusive schools refer to my book, End Peer Cruelty, Build Empathy: The Proven 6Rs of Bullying Prevention That Create Inclusive, Safe and Caring Schools (from Free Spirit Press,on sale in February 2018.

For individual strategies to help children develop skills to activate courage, self-regulation, and empathy (all crucial for Upstanding), see UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed In Our All-About-Me World.

© 2017 by Dr. Michele Borba. Please honor this copyright.

I am an educational psychologist, parenting expert, TODAY show contributor and author of 22 books including Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing or The Big Book of Parenting Solutions.
For more about my refer to mywebsite and daily blog, Dr. Borba's Reality Check.
About the author: Michele Borba View all posts by Michele Borba

Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renowned consultant, educational psychologist and recipient of the National Educator Award who has presented workshops to over a million participants worldwide. She is a recognized expert in parenting, bullying, youth violence, and character development and author of 22 books including UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About Me World, The 6Rs of Bullying Prevention: Best Proven Practices to Combat Cruelty and Build Respect,The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, and Building Moral Intelligence. She has appeared over 130 times on the TODAY show and is a frequent expert on national media including Dateline, The View, Dr. Oz, Anderson Cooper, CNN, Dr. Drew, and Dr. Phil. To book her for speaking or media even refer to her website: www.micheleborba.com. Follow her on twitter @MicheleBorba.

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teaching students to stand up to bullies

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How to Teach Kids to Be Upstanders | Dr Michele Borba

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In an NBC's Dateline special: "The Perils of Parenting," I appeared as the expert on bullying. Producers asked me to teach middle school students-when bullying peaks-specific bystander strategies to deal with bullies. I developed the techniques after reviewing dozens of studies on the "Bystander Effect" and have trained hundreds of educators in how to use them with students.

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Maps tell us where places are in our community.

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Find local businesses, view maps and get driving directions in Google Maps.

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We eat chicken nuggets at McDonalds.

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A recent New York Times editorial - accompanied by the catchy headline, "At McDonald's, Fat Profits but Lean Wages" - noted precisely what its title implies: That a company posting large profits is still failing to pay its workers a livable wage.

This, of course, is nothing new: In fact, Fight for $15 began, as the movement's website notes, "with just a few hundred fast food workers in New York City, striking for $15 an hour and union rights."

The movement has since become a nationwide force, pressuring state governments, along with the federal government, to contend with wage inequality that, as the Economic Policy Institute reported earlier this year, has been steadily rising for over 35 years.

The Times begins its editorial by noting that McDonald's "has reported a 35 percent increase in profits for the first quarter of 2016, an unexpectedly large gain driven in part by its recent decision to sell Egg McMuffins all day long."

This is great news for "executives and shareholders," the piece observes, but "when, if ever, will it be good news for McDonald's employees and for taxpayers?"

McDonald's, of course, is not the only culprit here. Throughout the United States, productivity has grown while wages have leveled off - a scenario that leads inevitably to greater profits for the few while everyone else works longer hours with little to show for it.

"From 1973 to 2014, net productivity rose 72.2 percent," the Economic Policy Institute has found, "while the hourly pay of typical workers essentially stagnated-increasing only 9.2 percent over 41 years (after adjusting for inflation)."

CEO pay, in contrast, has continued to soar: As Lawrence Mishel and Alyssa Davis have observed, "From 1978 to 2014, inflation-adjusted CEO compensation increased 997 percent, a rise almost double stock market growth and substantially greater than the painfully slow 10.9 percent growth in a typical worker's annual compensation over the same period."

But the Times noted another interesting and crucial point, one that is seldom discussed: Namely, the issue of what is often called corporate welfare.

While the conservative right is content to shame poor mothers for receiving federal assistance, rarely do they dare call, say, General Electric or Walmart "welfare queens," despite the fact that they receive enormous direct and indirect taxpayer subsidies year after year.

This is true for McDonald's, as well: The Times observes, "Through it all, taxpayers continue to pick up the difference between what fast-food workers earn and what they need to survive. An estimated $1.2 billion a year in taxpayer dollars goes toward public aid to help people who work at McDonald's."

What is highlighted here is a kind of indirect subsidy McDonald's enjoys because of its refusal to pay workers a livable wage. Why raise the wages of these workers or provide them with benefits, the argument goes, if the taxpayer is there to provide "the difference between what fast-food workers earn and what they need to survive"?

And why reward workers of little stature when you can reward influential executives and fat-cats instead?

A study by the National Employment Law Project, released last year, uncovered the disparity between executive compensation and average worker pay that has been the result of such an approach.

"The fast-food industry is marked by two extremes," the study begins. "On the one hand, the leading companies in the industry earn billions in profits each year, award chief executives generous compensation packages, and regularly distribute substantial amounts of money in the form of dividends and share buybacks."

Then there's the other extreme: "At the same time, the overwhelming share of jobs in the fast-food industry pay low wages that force millions of workers to rely on public assistance in order to afford health care, food, and other basic necessities."

As many others have noted, this amounts to a kind of corporate welfare: Taxpayers step in to provide the benefits and survival necessities that are not provided by employers, which then allows companies like McDonald's to post higher profits and pay their executives lavish salaries.

Steve Easterbrook, following his promotion from chief brand officer to CEO of McDonald's, saw his pay increase by 368% - while, as Laura Bult observes in the New York Daily News, "McDonald's workers have joined other low-wage workers nationwide in their demands to raise the minimum wage."

It's obscene, but it's characteristic of a system dedicated to maximizing profit for the few, no matter the societal or economic costs.

"The largest, wealthiest, most powerful organizations in the world are on the public dole," writes David Brunori. "Where is the outrage? Back when I was young, people went into a frenzy at the thought of some unemployed person using food stamps to buy liquor or cigarettes. Ronald Reagan famously campaigned against welfare queens. The right has always been obsessed with moochers. But Boeing receives $13 billion in government handouts and everyone yawns, when conservatives should be grabbing their pitchforks."

Well, the outrage is brewing at the grassroots level thanks to movements like Fight for $15 and the newly prominent Democracy Spring, a coalition of progressive groups fighting to get money out of politics. And the campaign of Bernie Sanders has energized many young people and motivated millions to get involved with these causes, which transcend any single presidential campaign.

These groups recognize that a nation with such profound levels of income and wealth inequality, combined with a slow-growth economy that favors those already at the top, can never be genuinely democratic.

"I say to the Walton family, get off of welfare. Pay your workers a living wage," Bernie Sanders has demanded on the campaign trail.

And the same can be said for McDonald's. As the Washington Post reported last year, "Americans are spending $153 billion a year to subsidize McDonald's and Wal-Mart's low wage workers."

"Let that sink in," writes Ken Jacobs, "American taxpayers are subsidizing people who work...because businesses do not pay a living wage."

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McDonald's, the Corporate Welfare Moocher

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A recent New York Times editorial - accompanied by the catchy headline, "At McDonald's, Fat Profits but Lean Wages" - noted precisely what its title implies: That a company posting large profits is still failing to pay its workers a livable wage.

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People like to go to the county fair!