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I like the voice that you gave your post-it note. I think it's funny how it says how "Teenagers are supposed to get outside and hate reading" I just thought that was a funny line.

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I like how your hat didn't approve of you wearing it 24/7. I really liked the character you created for it.

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I like how your bookmark had conditions with an example to follow it up with, it builds actual character to a material item.

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I liked how your headphones said you've been wearing them since 6th grade to show how long they have been used and how they have bee worn out.

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I liked how your nintendo switch was upset that you weren't playing it as much and not that you were over using. I can relate because my nintendo switch I will play for like three days non stop and then I will just stop.

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I really liked how you had multiple characters and how they all have their own stories. I can definitely see this happening with my guitar picks.

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Dear Zoe,

There’s a lot I understand in this life. You see, I understand your love of reading. I understand why you stay up to late hours to finish a book. And, I also know that you don’t always finish the books in one sitting like you try to do. I understand that you need something to mark your page with. But, there is one thing I don’t understand and as president of the Bookmark Preservation Society, I have come to make a formal complaint on behalf of the rest of my fellow bookmarks. I would like to confront you because you never use us. We are called bookmarks. Our sole purpose of living is to mark your page in your book. I don’t mean to be self centered, but we’re better than the things you use. For example, last week, I saw you put a bracelet in your book and just last night, you used another book to mark your page. Our society saw that and were appalled by such behavior. We feel neglected and unloved as though we are nothing. And, that is true. We are nothing when not fulfilling our purpose. You have made us all beautiful with the careful works of your paints, whilst now, you’ve thrown your work unto a worthless stack. And that’s not even the worst of it. For, when you actually use us, you lose us in an instant. One second, you’re holding us in your hand after taking us out so you could read in peace, then suddenly, we’re lost, never to be found again. For instance, Alonzo the Hamilton Bookmark. Alonzo was one of my favorites, he was a nice young lad, eager to carry out the duty of the bookmark culture. When you called upon him, he was exhilarated and ready to take on this quest, little did he know that under your care, he would be lost. I still miss Alonzo, but after many late nights, hosting search parties, we just couldn’t find him. May Alonzo rest in peace. We hope that none of us suffer the ill-fate of Alonzo, but we wish to be used. For being useless is a fate worse than death. But, before you start using us, we have conditions.

1. Do not use us in horror books. (we don’t want to be trapped in those frightening worlds like Larry was. He is now a deranged psychopath. I don’t think he will ever recover from *shudder* Marry: The Summoning)

2. Don’t bend us. (Poor Tedwick the Dear Evan Hansen Bookmark had to undergo many long surgeries and has to remain bandaged or else, he would tear.)

3. Don’t lose us. (Alonzo will never be forgotten. He was such and asset to our society. *wistful sigh*)

4. Last, but definitely not least, don’t forget about us. (*sniff* It truly is a terrible thing.)

We hope that you will put us back to use and that you will stay true to these guidelines. If you do not, you can expect another letter. That one, won’t be so nice. I will never understand why you forgot us, but if you do so again, your end will be nigh.

Writing to you on behalf of the Bookmark Preservation Society,

Jaxsurake the Flowery Bookmark

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I like how your hat picked up the words you use all of the time. Your hat seems to have a generally happy demeanor, and is very judgemental of your choice to wear it all of the time.

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I like how you had your mattress be upset with you constantly being on it. You made it seem like while, your mattress was upset with you, it still cared about you.

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Dear Clara,

Listen, dude, I get it. You think winter hats look great on you, you’re always saying you look fly, groovy, or whatever. I don’t mean to be a party pooper but you just look plain weird. I don’t know if you notice the fact that you get weird looks from every little kid you walk by. Last Thursday, some kids called you cranium cap kid. Did you not hear that!! In your school picture, you have hat head. May I remind you that it’s not winter anymore. It’s spring. Days are getting warmer. I hate when you wear me during 90-degree weather and I’m stuck soaking up your sweat. Don’t even get me started on that washing machine. I get sick at the thought of the spinning circles taking me round and round again. You have like eight other hats! Why don’t you wear one of them. Also, not sure if ya realized this, but I’m a Christmas hat. A CHRISTMAS HAT! I say ho ho ho on the front. You wear me year-round. I love ya dude, But I have not once heard a thank you for my epicness. You need me, and you treat me like I’m just an ordinary hat. I’m better than this. You either treat me with more respect, or you’re on your own. And good luck with that. Without me, you’ll have to pull your hair back into the dreaded ponytail. That’s right, you heard me right. A ponytail!

From your friend,

-Ho ho hat

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Dear Sophia,

I am tired of you sitting on me all day. I understand that I am your bed, but come on, I have feelings too and I get back pains all day because of you. It’s like you think I’m a materialistic thing which I am not. I also get that I’m comfy and soft- that’s what I’m supposed to be. Listen, I keep bringing up different points but the bottom line is that I can't have you sitting on me all day anymore! I can accept the fact that you need to lay on me for sleep and I'm prepared for that but if you lie on me all day I can't be prepared and it weakens me. I want to be the softest I can for you because I care about you. Also, what's with your dog always puking on me? You don't even seem to care and just change the sheets. I feel disgusted and I want to be clean! So tell your dog to stop puking on me. Also, can you limit the number of others things you have on here? I can't hold books and your chromebooks and your switch all at once. Also, no more painting on me. I get so afraid the paint will get on me and I won't be comfy, you need to find another comfortable space to paint. I guess that's all, (even though there is definitely more) but I'm even more tired than before.

You're reading this while on me please get off,
Mattress

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Dear Eleanor,

Hey, I'm your “bookmark.” Bet you didn’t expect a letter from the object you suffocate each day. I am really fed up with being smushed between pages. That paper can get really heavy, you know! Anyway, I have some grievances to air, and you will listen.

First, you read every single day. What is wrong with you? Teenagers are supposed to get outside and hate reading. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with you reading. But using me as a bookmark? I’m a post-it note! I deserve to be used for my original purpose. But, instead of being proudly displayed on a board or on paper, I am confined to pages. The part that is supposed to stick is even disappearing.

Also, you just toss me to the side! You don’t even bother to gently place me down on a table, you just fling me onto whatever surface is nearby like I’m trash. You should have more respect for me than that. Do you know how many times I’ve been subjected to the filth on the carpet floor? It may seem clean, but trust me, dust mites are NOT good conversationalists.

Lately, I’ve been having a sort of mid-life crisis because of you. I may not be a brand new, squeaky clean post-it but I am certainly not ragged. You treat me like I’m on my last legs, which I can assure, I am not. Even if you treat me like a bookmark, I am only paper. I can only do so much to preserve myself if you neglect me like this. I may dislike being worn, but if I get to help you, I think it’s worth it. Only if you treat me better, though.

Sincerely,

Post-it

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Dear Audrey,

It’s me. Your headphones. Tell me why you need to listen to music for so many hours a day? You’re not even home half of the day and I’m sick of listening to all your school classes. I don’t need to be in school! I am educated enough. I could care less about quadratic formulas or the Yalta Conference. There is no need to have me stuck in your ears, all, day, long! Your mom even complains about how much you have those things in. I’m tired. I’ll thank you for properly charging me but you still use me 8 hours a day. I’m sick of Taylor Swift and the endless repeating of your same old playlists. Get me out of this prison! You don’t even listen to good music, and you don’t watch good Youtube videos either. I’m sick of everything about you. Get me a different owner.

Sincerely your “friend”,

Headphones

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Dear Naomi,

Hello. It’s me. Your hair tie. The black one you use all the time. Um, I’m sorry if I’m being a bother, but would you mind using a different hair tie sometime? Like Teal, or maybe Blue? They are rarely used, so if you don’t mind, maybe you should think about using them. It’s not that I don’t like being used, and being with you and your family! I hope I didn’t give you that impression. It’s just… I’m super stretched out, and I’m worried I may break if you continue to use me. I would rather not end up in the trash can, so I hope you will preserve me for as long as possible. Of course, you don’t have to! You can throw me away whenever you want! (Please don’t.) I hope you at least consider it.

Your very stretched out friend,

Black Hair Tie

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Dear Ava,

Just letting you know that I’m almost at my breaking point. Get new headphones. Please. Having to sit through Zoom meetings every single day makes me work so hard, I can’t even catch a break because you use me to listen to music too! Every day, it’s a class, then music. Another class, then listen to more music. And then yet another class and more listening to music! I don’t know if you’ve noticed… but I’m trying to mess with the volume. Maybe then you’ll get new headphones and I can relax. It’s been a long run, we’ve been together since sixth grade; but I’m retiring. Go back to Target and find someone else to do the job. Consider this my quitting in advance- I’m on my last legs here and we both know it won’t be much longer.

Sincerely yours,

-Your headphones

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Dear Ethan,

I love that you use me, and you really seem to enjoy it, but I’ve got a problem with you. You’ll use me every day for a week, and then suddenly you’ll vanish! And just when I think I’ve got the pattern down, suddenly it’ll change. And sometimes, you’ll show up or leave on random days, or you’ll be there and not use me, or I’ll be moved into another room and just sit there for sometimes days. Please, start using me consistently.

Your confused friend, Nintendo Switch