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Hi Sienna, A strength of your narrative, “Those Murderous shoes,” is your inner thoughts! I really liked the inner thoughts you made your character think inside. My favorite line of inner thoughts that you said were, “What should I say? I didn’t mean to move. That sounds dumb. I didn’t mean to move? Obviously I did…” Another strength of your narrative story was your word choice. I loved how you used descriptive language throughout your entire piece. You really made the reader know more about what was happening in your story. Great job! However, a suggestion I can offer for improvement would be to add more similes and metaphors. This way the reader would really picture more of what was happening in the story. Besides that minor wish…Awesome job writing your narrative. You should be proud!

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Sennia your story was phenominal. It hooked me immediately. I love how you explained her fear and emotions while on the bridge. Her sparatic movements were explained perfectly. Although it was great i do think you could’ve added more inner thoughts. Other than that it was astonishing.

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DONT KIL PE

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One thing I thought you did well in your narrative, “Those Murderous Shoes,” is the ending. Once I read the ending, I wanted more, I wars left wondering what would happen next and that is a really good addition in a story. You did really well on the ending in my opinion. To add, one other strength in your essay was how you incorporated figurative language in your writing. To be specific, one of the plethora of figurative language in your writing I liked was when you said, “My ankles were on fire, and my knee bones were like jello.” The enormous amount of figurative language in your writing helped me, the reader, paint a clear picture of the setting, what you felt, and what was happening. However, one section you could improve upon was your hook. When reading the beginning, I didn’t feel very intrigued. Like alright, you bought sneakers and want to play soccer, we get it. You should add something interesting in the beginning because although it’s interesting at the end, if the reader doesn’t like the beginning, they won’t read it.

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Sennia your story was phenominal. It hooked me immediately. I love how you explained her fear and emotions while on the bridge. Her sparatic movements were explained perfectly. Although it was great i do think you could’ve added more inner thoughts. Other than that it was astonishing.

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Hi Sienna! A strength of your essay is using descriptive language. It helped me understand more about your point of view from using fancy words to describe your reasonings.Another strength of your essay is using transition words. It showed when you were changing topics about your belief on the topic instead of the readers just being confused when you just randomly change the topic. However, you should reread for spelling errors. It didn't happen too many times but at some points I was confused about what you were trying to say just because of a simple spelling error.

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Hello Sienna. I loved your essay “Why are the Arts in Education so Important?” I loved how you explained how people feel in your introduction. It really convinced me to believe in your topic. You did very well with the highlighting guide and there were no mistakes. Although your essay did have some flaws. Your warrants did not really explain your topic. They didn't make sense of the reason and it wasn't detailed. There were also many spelling errors. Other than that your essay was exceptional. Good job!

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A strength of your memoir, “The Unexpected” was how well you described you and how you were feeling in that moment. It almost made me feel like I was in the room with you or even in your brain knowing exactly what you're saying. As well as how amazingly you explained how everything happened in what sounded like a 5 minute story. Amazing use of space and length. Although your piece was excellent I do think you could’ve focused on bigger details. Obviously you told me what it was about at lunch but not once in the story did you say what it was about. Also in “The small, clip looking object was a crab, pinching the end of my finger.” Is supposed to be a simile but instead of saying was a crab you would say was LIKE a crab to show that its not actually a crab

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A strength of your memoir, “Unexpected” is the way in which you include inner thoughts which really gives me what is going through your mind and what you are feeling at the moment.Another strength that I found is how you used metaphors like “My legs trembled. They were leaves quivering in the wind.” It really helps me visualize what was going on in the moment.A suggestion that I have for you is, you could explain and describe more the setting. Was the room big? Was it small? What color were the walls and floor? I left wondering the details which would’ve really helped.

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Hi, I loved your writing it was amazing and inspiring! I loved how you added that whole thing about seafood it was hilarious! I think sorry I know that was a great about me but I wish you had added more it was so good that you got me hooked.

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A strength of your essay “Siennas stunning stories” is how you describe your dislike of seafood. It didnt just say how much you hate seafood it also explained why and why you want it too. Adding on to that is how your introduction is very welcoming and comforting. Saying that your “ecstatic” for us to read is very inviting and comforting. However I just wish you went deep in detail into more things you described

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Hey Sienna, I enjoyed reading your about me piece. I like how you formed most of your sentences. For example you said, you may find me watching a movie in my bed holding my cat in my arms. Another thing that I really like was how you put so much detail into your piece. For example you said how your whole family enjoys seafood but you don’t because the smell throws you off. Something I wish you had done was tell us a little more about what you already told us. You added a lot of detail but I just wish you had added more.