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i started drinking coffee when i was grey,

when i was sick.

it was my mother in a cup - still is.

a smooth lavender hug,

a friend that cannot be doubted,

a reason to face the day.

it used to be rebellion -

my friend told me that her nonna snuck her coffee for the first time -

but now has become an assumption.

it is sprouting into life,

a reminder that you are larger than you once were.

i used to shudder at bitterness but now i chase it,

i don't know in how many ways.

i think a lot about why we are okay with addiction in some forms,

why headaches and shudders are normal in a cup

but i don't think i will ever have a conclusion,

maybe we are all just chasing warmth.

in a way, i am a little girl again.

i am six years old, sitting at a breakfast bar,

watching my mother float by the stove.

i can be small and soft and comfortable is a way

i cant be anymore.

so i offer my money

to the system i hate the most,

just for a taste of the nostalgic comfort i've come to value so much.

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of course I couldn't do this inquiry without acknowledging the obvious - coffee is a drug. caffeine powers so many people, and hold much appeal. this particular point is much less relevant for me, as I have ADHD and therefore am not effected by stimulants the way neurotypicals are, but caffeine becomes a friend you can count on for most.

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coffee is routine, it is one of the best parts of most peoples mornings. it is something you can count on to be a soft comfort, even if the rest of your day goes to shit. it is warm and safe and exactly how you like it. it is a hug on a cold day, and a spritz of cold water on a warm one. it is so built in to ones like that you form an emotional bond with it and the consistency it holds.

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everybody I spoke to remembered the exact first time they had a sip of coffee. the strong, distinct flavor is heavy in your mind, it stays for a long time. smell is the most memorable sense, and every time you get a cup, it brings you back to when you were younger. I also found that most people strongly associate coffee with an adult that they grew up with that drank coffee, adding an extra level of nostalgia and comfort..

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asking others about their experience: I was really curious to know if my connection to coffee was shared - obviously many people drink it, but is it deeply meaningful to them? I set up a set of questions and interviewed some friends to see their experience. 

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asking others about their experience: I was really curious to know if my connection to coffee was shared - obviously many people drink it, but is it deeply meaningful to them? I set up a set of questions and interviewed some friends to see their experience. 

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observing my coffee: as soon as I chose this creative inquiry, I started to take 15 minutes to record what I thought and felt as I drank my coffee. I made blind contours and took photos of my cups, making something temporary feel more permanent.

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observing my coffee: as soon as I chose this creative inquiry, I started to take 15 minutes to record what I thought and felt as I drank my coffee. I made blind contours and took photos of my cups, making something temporary feel more permanent.

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initial inquiry: why is coffee so emotional and meaningful to me? what is it like for other people?

# data[].attributes.subject
initial inquiry: why is coffee so emotional and meaningful to me? what is it like for other people?