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Story task. (Btw add your story to your site)

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Story task. (Btw add your story to your site)

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I really enjoyed reading your piece. I really liked how you made the whole situation your own. I loved who explained how she acted in the closet reacting to the sounds of joy she wasn't having. Although that was great there were some things you were lacking. I really wish you added more emotion into your text. I would love to see how you think Margot would think more. Margot could have a really great personality if you added more emotion. She kind of only felt mad and thats it. She wasnt even upset in the closet. I think that if she had layers to her emotions the character would have been better. One and last thing I wish your piece had. I really wish it wasn’t as predictable as you made it. I kind of knew how you were going to write everything that was happening. I almost guessed the whole piece. I also wish that the ending was a bigger ending. The end could have been a realization from Margot that she could’ve gotten help but you kind of just ended it with her realizing that she helped. Other than those wishes your piece was good.

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The thing I liked most was the story you made that clearly told me why school uniforms aren’t allowed. Additionally, It was great when you made other stories to so I can understand it more. The thing that threw me off was that you added blue in”Picture.” And Picture is not a transition word.

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The thing I liked most was the story you made that clearly told me why school uniforms aren’t allowed. Additionally, It was great when you made other stories to so I can understand it more. The thing that threw me off was that you added blue in”Picture.” And Picture is not a transition word.

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Hi, Stephen! A strength of your essay, “Masking Personalities,” is your whole introduction. I’m loving how elaborate and detailed it is. Even though we don’t have to wear uniforms, it almost felt relatable. Though your introduction is my favorite part of your essay, I also adored how you switched up your word choice for the transition words. I love how you didn’t repeat transition words because I know that could be difficult. However, a suggestion I can offer you is to be more elaborate in your anecdotes. I think you could add detail to make the readers feel like they are the character in that scene. For example, I think you should add more detail into your first anecdote by adding in some metaphors and/or similes to show how disappointed he was hearing his mom tell him to put his uniform on, like “His facial expressions changed at the speed of sound,” etc. All in all, you wrote an astonishing essay that I wouldn’t hesitate to read again.

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Hi Stephen! One thing from your essay I thought was very great was your introduction paragraph! I felt as if it was truly impactful and the anecdote really pulled on my heartstrings. I think you really did a great job following the instructions. Something else that wowed me from your essay was your warrant in your last paragraph. I found it to be a very powerful way to end your body paragraphs. I believe it would impact any school admin and it’s just overall very convincing. It really pulls on the heartstrings. Your essay is so amazing, it was truly difficult to find a wish. The wish I found for you was to just proofread it a couple more times. I found a few errors. A spacing error, and two grammar/spelling errors. I think you should really make sure you’re paying attention to detail when you look it over. That’s all. I think you wrote a phenomenal essay and you should be very proud.

P.S- You’re welcome for the amazing name!

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Stephen. I’m sick of you being better than me. Your works have been blowing me away but this seriously threw me away, retrieved me and threw me farther. I can't even explain how well written and astounding this essay was. “Masking Personalities” is seriously amazing. Even the name is beautifully haunting. Beautifully haunting is a great phrase to describe this essay. Especially the powerful warrants explaining your topic. Your anecdotes persuaded me like no other writers have. The wording and grammar you used throughout your piece was astonishing. It really added to the essay much more than you would think. I can't even lie to you and say that there is some obscure flaw because there isn’t. I’m being 100 percent serious because you have all these great features to your essay and you still have more. It was amazing how you described the topic and the evidence from the topic. If i didn't know what this was i would have known everything about it because of you. Congrats on having the best 6th grade essay!

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one of yout strengths in your memoir, “anesthetica,” was the amount of figurative language you have. For example, when you said “ Every twist and turn made the butterflies in my stomach grow larger and larger. As we entered the room, the butterflies in my stomach became birds.” This is a perfect example for how creative your figurative language is. Another strength is all of your inner thoughts. I loved all the detail in your inner thoughts, it kinda sorta helped me understand your problem a little more. I personally don’t have any wishes to give you, This was an amazing memoir Stephan.

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Your piece is astonishing. I enjoyed every second of your memoir. It felt as if I were you in this situation which was horrifying. It was very intriguing reading through the beginning and about the butterflies in your stomach. I can relate to that. In addition, listening to your inner thoughts while this was happening was interesting. You added all of the thoughts racing through your mind, which made it 10x more realistic. However, even though this piece is one of the best pieces ever,  I wish you would’ve added more about the setting. Did you switch rooms before the surgery? What did the room look like? Otherwise, I could continue reading this for hours. Good job.

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A strength of your memoir is how well you used figurative language (that I helped you to think of.) You made good comparisons and elaborated on your inner thoughts. In particular, I think you did very well with your similes! Keep up the good work!Another thing I enjoyed from your piece is the way you talked about marvel with your dad. You presented it as if I was there listening in from the window. 👹Overall your piece had many great parts!One thing you could improve on, though, is adding more details about your setting. I couldn’t really imagine where you were. I feel like if you added more about the setting your piece would be perfect. GREAT JOB THOUGH 🤡.

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I like how you told me what happened to your eye and how it hurt. I also like how you ended

The memoir with a good ending! The only thing I wish you can do is where you went when your eye hurt. Anyways, that's all I gave to you.

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I am astounded by your wonderful piece. It really made me feel like I was right there with you. In you. I have never read anything in my whole 11 years of living that was more descriptive than your piece. It's hard for me to put into words how blown away I was by your piece. The way you described everything that was happening in perfect order. You described how you thought you knew what people were gonna say. The way you explained you and your dad's interactions were amazing. I know I said this the last time but i seriously can't find a single flaw. But since i am forced to find a wish i guess that i could say i would want to read an even longer writing piece from your beautiful skills with keyboards.

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A strength of your essay is how much detail you fit in your sentences like “My all time favorite thing to do is ride rollercoasters. I love the adrenaline rush while dropping and looping and speeding up” it is very obvious you put lots of work and thought into your amazing piece. Another amazing thing about your “Chamber of Stories” is that you definetly took time and effort to make it sound nice and use beautiful words including but not all “adrenaline rush” and many other descriptive words. Although your piece is amazing for this profect we need to find a wish. It was very hard to find one but i really wished that we got to have more words about your dislikes. Other than that i loved reading your piece and cant wait to explore more in the depths of your chamber. Also whats this MOSTLY funny about huh??

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lol. I loved your piece ToTaLly loved it. I enjoyed how you elaborated on your likes. Specifically when you said “I love the adrenaline rush while dropping and looping and speeding up.” Another thing I enjoyed reading throughout your piece, proper grammar. (At least I think it had proper grammar.) It made your piece a lot easier to read. One thing I believe you should work on, though, is the dislikes. They were kind of just listed and weren’t very detailed. I feel you could’ve elaborated more on bugs.

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I loved how you open with some rhymes such as “Hello Wizards, Witches, and Muggles! Welcome to my Chamber of Stories! I hope you love what you see. Let me start off with a little bit about me.” I also loved how you explained what rides were your favorite and why. I also loved how you made it seem like we were having a conversation.

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Your piece was very interesting to hear about. I agree about writing fiction/fantasy it really does bring you to another world. I like a lot of your details on why you like specific things. You're very specific and that’s really good. Something you could work on is elaborating on why you like Harry Potter, and give a better description on why you want to become that specific job. 👍🏻

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Your about me was very awesome. I knew you love Harry Potter because I see you watching it down in the basement. And, I also agree about bugs. I kill them when I see them. I think you could improve by explaining what a cyber security does and why you want to be it. Anyways, keep up the great work!